


Beat The Odds

by Cinderpaw1, ukesama



Series: Beat the Odd 'verse [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Attempted suicide warning, Depression warning, Graphic descriptions of aforementioned warnings, M/M, Rape warning (in later chapters, This story is not for those easily triggered, Triggers are posted at the beginning of each chapter, anxiety warning, child abuse/neglect warning, self esteen warning, self harm warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-24
Updated: 2015-06-10
Packaged: 2018-03-08 22:06:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 59
Words: 206,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3225167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cinderpaw1/pseuds/Cinderpaw1, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ukesama/pseuds/ukesama
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel Novak had never been the most popular kid around. Raised by a single religious mother until her death when he was fifteen, Castiel didn't have any friends and was the social pariah of Lawrence High. That all changed one morning when popular football captain Dean Winchester decided to sit underneath the bleachers with the strange, trenchcoat wearing Castiel, opening up a whole new world for him with a simple "Hi"</p><p>This story includes graphic descriptions of depression, self harm, attempted suicide, anxiety attacks, child abuse and neglect, and rape scenes (in later chapters). This story is not for those easily triggered.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Simple Hi

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Cinder and Uke here, we're so happy to be bringing you guys the product of a year and a half of daily roleplaying.  
> As a warning, this story is not for the easily triggered. It includes graphic descriptions of horrible bullying, crimes, and the nitty gritty of dealing with mental illness.  
> Every chapter will have the trigger warnings for that particular chapter listed here, so make sure to check them, and don't be afraid to skip a chapter! We will include a quick summary of the chapter in the bottom note so you don't feel like you missed too much if a certain chapter is too triggering.
> 
> Make sure to follow us on tumblr for updates, teasers, and artwork courtesy of Uke!  
> cinderxuke.tumblr.com
> 
> TRIGGER WARNINGS: Bullying, the use of the word "fag" in a derogatory manner.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS**  
>  Castiel is joined by Dean Winchester for lunch, unusual since Castiel has no friends and is considered the loser of the school. Once he befriends the football player, Alistair and Uriel find out and threaten him, beating him against the lockers until he loses consciousness.
> 
>  **CONTENT/TRIGGER WARNINGS**  
>  Use of slurs, violence to the point of beating someone unconscious.

Castiel Novak wasn’t the most popular person around the small town of Lawrence, Kansas. The 17 year old was religious, and overall just strange. He had a habit of wearing the same trench coat every single day, and long sleeved shirts regardless of how hot it was. He had an unerring way of staring unblinkingly at whomever he was talking to, and generally most people avoided him. He was openly gay, and as a result of all of these things, he was very much a bully magnet. Alistair, and his cronies, Uriel and Zachariah, had a habit of beating up the teen, both inside and outside of school.

It was lunchtime, and Castiel was hiding in his normal lunch spot (out underneath the bleachers by the football field,) when he noticed a familiar face coming close. Dean Winchester, captain of the football team and possibly one of the straightest guys Castiel knew. It was too bad that Dean was the one he had had a crush on for nearly three years now. Ever since their freshman year of high school, Dean was the one who treated him like a regular human being when they first met. But then he joined the football team, home of most of his tormentors, and so Castiel kept his distance from him.

Dean Winchester didn't know exactly what he was doing, but he just felt like he had to get away from the groups that he usually ate lunch with. The people on the football team could be extreme asshats, and his friends had somehow managed to sneak off somewhere else, leaving him to find another table to sit and eat at. There were no empty tables, but there was a spot underneath the bleachers, where Castiel Novak was sitting at. Dean wasn't really one to care about what people thought of him, but Castiel wasn't really someone that people hung out with. He knew nothing about the guy, other than that most of his teammates thought very lowly of him. Only because he was gay, or something like that. Which Dean thought was ridiculous, since it really was none of their business.

Tentatively, Dean approached the bleachers. He wasn't sure if the guy wanted company or if he wanted to be left alone. "Hi. You mind if I sit here?"  
Castiel's head snapped up, and he locked eyes with Dean, staring in that unblinking way he had. "Yes, you may, if you wish." he replied, going back to eating his Chinese food, although surprise was still written on his normally stoic face. "Why though? Did you lose a bet or something?"

Dean wasn't really surprised to hear that question. It wasn't the first time he'd gotten it - some of the girls he'd been hitting on had asked him that too - and he couldn't fathom why. Maybe he had some kind of bad reputation he wasn't aware of? "Nah. If it was, wouldn't I be shouting out it to the world so everyone could hear or something? Y'know, like in those bad high school movies," he said as he sat down with a shrug, placing his lunch bag on the ground and sitting cross legged next to the other teen.

"Sitting and speaking with me has been deemed just as embarrassing." Castiel replied. "So if you're doing this of your own free will, Dean Winchester, know that there will be rumors for weeks."

Dean shrugged as he opened his lunch bag and pulled out a sandwich. "Maybe. There are worse things to experience though. Like… Cancer or something." He unwrapped the sandwich and took a big bite out of it.

Castiel just stared at Dean. "So why are you doing this then?" he asked. "If you didn't lose a bet.”

"The teammates were being the stupid monkeys we're known to be, and I couldn't find my friends. This was the only good spot I could find."  
Castiel was quiet for a moment. "It's the first time someone's ever referred to someplace near me as a "good spot".” He made air quotes, his head tilted quizzically.  
"Eh. I'unno. I really don't know much about you, so I don't really have an opinion on you." Dean shrugged.  
"That's a surprise. So rumors of me haven't reached the famous Dean Winchester's ears?"  
"Famous?" Dean quirked a brow. "Well. I do know you're gay and people don't like you for some reason. That's about it."

"I have strange social habits, and an unhealthy attachment to my trench coat." Castiel replied bluntly. "I'm religious, and gay. What other reasons do people need not to like me?"

Dean stared at him for a moment, then simply shrugged and took another bit of his sandwich. "What can I say? People are idiots. Focusing on the small details instead of the cold facts. If someone's a mass murderer they wouldn't believe it if the person works at a place where he has to wear a bear suit."

Castiel cocked his head quizzically as he stared at the other boy. "You have more to you than it seems, Dean Winchester." he replied, going back to his lunch.

"I might be an idiot, but I don't believe in shit unless I hear it from the source," Dean said simply. Then he turned his full focus on his sandwich. Castiel seemed like a chill guy.

Castiel continued eating his Chinese, looking up and back down at his lunch, before holding it over to Dean, offering him some.

Dean blinked, and looked over at Castiel. "What are you doing?" he asked, not quite sure what it was that Castiel meant by this.

"Would you like some?" He offered.

"Wow, dude. That's your food. Are you sure?" Dean wondered if he had been eyeing the good smelling Chinese food without noticing.  
"Yes. That's what friends do for each other, correct?" Castiel's head tilted again, looking confused.

Dean gave a lopsided smile. "You wanna be friends with an airheaded football player like me?"

"Having a friend is better than having none," he replied simply, pushing the food towards Dean again.

Dean chuckled. "Well, yeah. That's true. Thanks dude, I owe you a big one," he said, giving Castiel a big grin as he accepted the food.

Castiel quirked a soft smile. "No, Dean Winchester. Thank you." he replied.

"Just call me Dean, man. No need to be so formal if we're friends," Dean pointed out.

"I'm sorry...Dean." Castiel tried out. "You can call me whatever you wish. I'm sure I've been called worse."

Dean hummed as he took a bite of the food, thinking. "I think I'll call you Cas. You okay with that?"

Castiel's eyes sparkled at the first non-derogatory nickname he had been given since his mother had passed. "I like that," he replied, smiling at Dean again.

Dean grinned. "Awesome, Cas it is then." He didn't know why he had felt unsure about keeping Castiel company. The guy was really pleasant to talk with, and if he continued to give him food they'd be very good friends in no time.

Castiel leaned back against the supports, eyes on Dean. "I'm not sure how your teammates will react to our friendship," he commented.  
Dean huffed at the mention of them. "If the baboons have anything against it, well, that's their problem. I'm their captain - I hope they have at least enough smarts to be respectful."

Castiel smirked. "I doubt it. Most of them are the reason I'm so bullied."

"They're probably scared you want to shove your dick up their asses." Dean laughed, but stopped abruptly. "I'll take care of them if it ever becomes a problem. Trust me." He shrugged.

Castiel gave Dean a stern look. "Just because I like dick doesn't mean I'll go down on my knees for one. I have taste."

Dean blinked, and then grinned. "I know. We all have different tastes. If we didn't... Well. The world wouldn't be a good place, I think. For example - all the pie would be gone before I got some!"

Castiel‘s lips curled into a soft smile. "That is true." he replied, getting up as the bell rang. "I'll see you later then, Dean?"

"You can count on it. Once you give food to a Winchester, you ain't ever getting rid of him." Dean got up as well.

Castiel smiled, and lifted his bag over his shoulder, disappearing quickly into the crowd.

A few people came up to Dean once Castiel was gone. "Dude, did you lose a bet? You ate lunch with Asstiel Nerdvak!"

Dean scowled at suddenly being the center of attention, especially considering the topic. Castiel wasn't bad, but the people thinking he was, were. "I didn't lose any fucking bet, so shut your mouths and get outta my face. What I do and who I hang with is none of your fucking business." He shook his head at them and proceeded to leave, even though it wasn't that easy when people were invading your personal space.

After school, Castiel was putting books into his locker, only to find his head slammed into it from behind. Uriel, one of the football players, smiled at him.

"We hear you're converting Winchester. You best stay away from him." he smirked, lifting Castiel up and slamming him into the locker again.

"You see..." Alistair spoke up from behind Uriel. He wasn't on the football team, but he spent a lot of time with them, successfully making most of them his minions. "He's very precious to our school, our reputation. I would be heartbroken to see him get ruined because he's associated with the likes of you. You have anything to say to your defense, for trying to taint dear Dean Winchester?"

"Go to hell," Castiel spat, earning him another punch in the face and another slam to the locker. Castiel's head was swimming; if this continued, he would end up with a concussion, or completely knocked out.

Alistair clicked his tongue sadly. "You're like the snake in your precious bible. You lure people in, only to manipulate them and cause them to sin. Such a sad tragedy you are." He smirked, obviously satisfied with the damage that had been caused. "Leave Dean Winchester alone, and we might stop punishing you for your wrongs. Right, Uriel? Seems fair, doesn't it?"

Uriel chuckled darkly. “It depends; it’s awfully hard to train a fag to listen, after all."

Castiel kicked out at Uriel's shins, earning one last slam into the locker that knocked him unconscious. The larger boy just laughed and let him slump to the ground, leaving him there.

Alistair chuckled, shaking his head. Then he turned and walked away with Uriel.


	2. Concussion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Spoilers**
> 
> Castiel is taken to the hospital with a serious concussion, and Dean learns that Castiel lives alone, with no one else to take care of him. Feeling like it's partially his fault that Castiel is hurt, he offers to take Castiel home rather than have him stay in the hospital for a few weeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! So Uke and I have determined a final updating schedule, which will proceed as follows:  
> Sundays (chapter will have artwork courtesy of Uke)  
> Wednesdays   
> Fridays
> 
> TRIGGER WARNINGS  
> hospitals

Dean and his friend Jo Harvelle were walking through the hallway with the crowd, chatting and laughing loudly. They both stopped as they noticed that people were pointing and laughing at something. Dean froze as he saw just what it was, then went over to where Castiel was laying on the ground, head propped up against the lockers.

He knelt down beside him. "Hey, dude," he said as he gently shook Cas' shoulder. Jo unsurely walked over to join him, trying to ignore the stares they were receiving.

Castiel blinked his eyes open, his head spinning. He had been lying unconscious for a good fifteen minutes. "Dean..." he muttered, his eyes clearly unfocused.

"Shit, I was gonna ask if you were okay, but clearly you're not," Dean mumbled.

Jo knelt down too, even if she was unsure of this. But if Dean could be around Castiel Novak, then so could she. "Looks bad. What happened...?"

"Uriel..." Castiel muttered, his eyes sliding closed again.

Dean gently smacked him on the cheek. "Hell no, dude, don't go blacking out on me."  
Castiel forced his eyes open and stared at Dean, although they were clearly unfocused.

"He may need a hospital." someone called out from the crowd.

"Damn straight he might, but yet no one has done a fucking thing to do something about it!" Dean yelled out, and then turned back to Castiel. "Okay, buddy. Look at me. How many fingers am I holding up?" he asked, holding up two fingers in front of Castiel's face.

Castiel groaned. "F...Four." he whispered.

"Okay-" Dean turned, and pointed at someone. "You! Yes you! Bring me a trashcan! Jo, call for help, will you?"

Jo nodded as she brought out her phone, and dialed the emergency number.

Dean turned back to Castiel, holding up one finger this time. "Follow my finger," he ordered and slowly moved the finger around in the air.

Castiel followed it without much success, eyes a little to the right. "I am going to vomit." he said, quite clearly, struggling to get up.

Dean almost sighed in relief when the trashcan finally was handed to him. "Alright, lemme help you." He slipped his hands under Castiel and pressed them in under his armpits, then lifted him up into a sitting position. Quickly he grabbed the trashcan and held it up to Castiel.

Castiel immediately vomited into the trashcan. When he finished, he mumbled. "I have a serious concussion."

"You do," Dean stated. He looked over at Jo, who said that there was an ambulance on the way. He turned to Castiel. "So, Cas. There's an ambulance coming to get you, but I think we have to move you outside."

"Can't walk." Castiel muttered, his eyes closed. "Uriel....head into locker..."

Dean thought he would burst into a fit of rage as he heard Uriel's name. It seemed like he would have to have a small talk with that guy... "It's okay, Cas. I'll help you. I'll carry you if I have to."

Castiel tried to sit up more, but ended up lurching forwards, grabbing towards the trash can as he vomited again. When he finished, he murmured. "Can't move very well... Extremely nauseous..."

Dean looked at him worriedly. "I can see that, but we really should move... Hey. You hold onto that trashcan and I'll try to carry you. Is that alright with you?"

"Yeah." Castiel responded, holding tightly onto the trashcan.

Dean sat down on his knees, slipped his hands under Castiel and then carefully lifted him up, while getting up on his feet. It was a little bit of a strain, but he managed. "Is there anything you need to bring with you? Anyone you want to call?"

"No. I don't have parents." he replied, his head leaning into Dean's shoulder.

Dean stilled, then slowly started heading towards the exit, making sure to take it easy so Castiel wouldn't feel too ill. "You mean, you live alone...?"

"Yeah." Castiel replied. "Never knew m' dad, mom died when I was 15. On my own since."

"Do they even allow that? How the fuck do you manage to live? You work or something?" Dean mumbled.

"Emancipated minor.” he mumbled, lurching as he vomited again. He slumped into Dean's arms afterwards, eyes fluttering shut.

Dean did his best to ignore the smell. "Hey, hey, don't close your eyes. You gotta keep them open, alright? No closing them before some doctor says it's okay."

Castiel's body went completely limp in Dean's arms. He blinked his eyes open for a few seconds before they slid shut again.

Dean felt the panic rise within him. He barked at someone to take the trashcan, which they did with a stuttered sentence. He didn't hear it, as he ran through the corridor and out of the building. "Stay with me, Cas. Stay with me. You gotta keep awake, alright? Please, Cas." He repeated the words over and over again, gently smacking Castiel's cheeks in an attempt to keep him awake, until the ambulance came.

Castiel had blacked out for another few minutes, but his eyes had forced open a few moments before the ambulance came.

Dean smiled weakly as he saw Castiel open his eyes. "Good job, buddy. So good." He saw the ambulance pull up and stop, the staff jumping out of the vehicle. "They're here to take you to the hospital. You're gonna be taken care of."

"Dean." Castiel muttered, clinging to the other teen.

"Sir, you have to let go." One of them said firmly, trying to gently pull Castiel away. Castiel responded by clinging tighter to Dean.

Dean frowned. "Hey, Cas, man. You have to let go so they can take you." He didn't actually want to let go himself, but he knew they had to. "C'mon Cas. I'll come visit you later, but you gotta go."

"Come, please." Castiel asked.

The paramedic looked at Dean. "Is it possible for you to come?" he asked.

Dean bit his lip, and nodded. If Castiel wanted him to go, then he would. "Yes, it is." He grabbed Castiel's hand and held it.

Castiel squeezed it tightly, finally letting the paramedics take him, although not letting go of Dean's hand.

Dean walked alongside Castiel the whole time, and climbed into the ambulance with the paramedics. He looked down at Castiel sadly as the doors closed.

Castiel closed his eyes as the paramedics worked. One of them looked at Dean. "What happened?" he asked.

Dean clenched his teeth, taking a calming breath. "I wasn't there, but Cas managed to tell me that one of the guys on the football team slammed his head into his locker. When I found him, he was lying on the floor. It look like he'd blacked out, but he opened his eyes rather quickly when I spoke to him. He threw up a few times while I moved him. He blacked out for a moment before you came here."

The paramedic nodded. "Can you call his parents?" he asked, turning back to Castiel. "Looks like a serious concussion."

Dean swallowed. "Both parents deceased, sir. He's an emancipated minor." He sighed, looking at Castiel.

"Is it all right if we have you as an emergency contact, then? He has no one listed." The paramedic asked

Dean nodded. "Of course." It was the least he could do for Castiel.

The paramedic handed them some paperwork as Castiel gripped his hand. "We'll be there soon, just stay awake." once coaxed Castiel.

Dean took the paperwork, and began to fill it out. It wasn't the first time he'd filled out papers like this, so it didn't take long to fill out his details. He gently squeezed Castiel's hand, telling him that he was still there.

Castiel held onto Dean's hand, and let out a distressed sound when they forced Dean away to take him into the ER. "Dean!" he called out.

"I'll see you later Cas, I promise!" Dean called back. His whole being screamed for him to follow, but he knew that he couldn't. He had to wait until they were done checking him over and he was marked as stable.

It was two hours before a nurse came out. "Excuse me, you're here for Castiel Novak, yes?" she asked Dean politely.

Dean looked up at her, and nodded. "Yes m'am, that's correct. Can I see him now?" he asked carefully.

"Yes you can." she nodded. "Uriel is going to face serious consequences for this." She murmured. "If you hadn’t found him when you did, he may have suffered some brain damage. But he'll be fine, but he'll need care for a few weeks." She led him to the room, where Castiel was asleep.

Dean's face hardened. "If you need any additional information about Uriel, I'm happy to help," he murmured back. He followed her to Castiel's room under silence. "... Does he have to remain at the hospital during that time, or can he go home and come in for checkups?"

"He could go home, if he had someone to look after him." she murmured.

"... Would it be acceptable if I offered to take him in? If he agreed to it, I mean." Dean looked at her.

She nodded. "Be quiet, we'll wake him in another hour or so to check on him." she let Dean into the room.

"All right. Thank you, ma'am," Dean murmured, and then fell completely silent as he entered the room where Castiel was. It was sad - he just befriended the guy earlier that day, and something like this had happened already. He bit back the urge to sigh heavily.  
Castiel slept, and when a nurse came in, the first word out of his mouth was "Dean...?" His hand was grasping for the other's.

Dean was relieved beyond imagination as he heard Castiel speak, and he gently grabbed his hand. "I'm here..." he whispered.

Castiel squeezed Dean's hand gently. "I'm sorry...this is my fault..." he whispered.

"Don't you dare." Dean narrowed his eyes. "This is not your fault. This is on Uriel. He is the one at fault."

"He said it was because I was corrupting you..." he murmured.

"So the homophobic asswipe think you'll turn me into a flaming homosexual that would ruin the team. Man. It'll feel good to get him kicked off the team and press charges," Dean muttered. "I honestly don't give a shit about him or his dumbass reasons. It's still all his fault."

Castiel offered Dean a weak smile. "Thank you for staying. I'm sorry to inconvenience you, I was just scared..." he admitted softly.

Dean shook his head. "Cas, it's fine. To be honest, I was scared too... Thought you would..." He lowered his eyes. "... I like helping people," he mumbled as he looked up. "It's no inconvenience."

Castiel smiled softly as he closed his eyes again. "Thank you." he whispered. "Will you come visit me while I'm recovering? I'll have to be here a few weeks..."

Dean bit his lip, and nervously began to rub his neck. "Uh... About that. You're welcome to stay at my place. I know it's sudden but... There's always someone at home, and it might be better than staying here staring at a white wall... Unless, of course, that's what you want. I'm not saying you have to do anything, I just want you to know there's an option and- I'm rambling. Sorry."

Castiel smiled softly. "I'd like that." he murmured, drifting off to sleep, still holding Dean's hand.

Dean managed a small smile, and kept holding Castiel's hand in his own.

Castiel woke again a few hours later, looking much better than he had, although eyes still slightly unfocused.

The nurse returned, giving Dean a soft smile. "We need to keep him overnight for observation, but he can be discharged tomorrow, if there's some place for him to go where he can have someone looking out for him."

Dean blinked, then nodded at the nurse and returning her smile. "Alright. That's good to know..." He turned to Castiel. "Do you still wish to come home with me? If so, I'll come pick you up..." He needed to make sure, because the last thing he wanted was for Castiel to feel like he was forced into something.

Castiel gave Dean a soft smile. "I'd like that." he murmured.

The nurse nodded. "I hate to do this, but visiting hours are over. They resume at 10 am, all right?"

Dean nodded, and stood from the chair he had grabbed earlier while Castiel was asleep. "Won't hold you up. I'll be back tomorrow, alright? So don't cause a fuss," he said, gently squeezing Castiel's hand.

Castiel nodded, squeezing Dean's hand once more before reluctantly letting go. "Thank you. I don't know how I'll ever pay you back."

"I know exactly how to do it. Don't blame yourself, and get better," Dean mumbled. Then he smiled, and headed to the door. He paused in the doorway, and looked back at Castiel. "I'll see you tomorrow. Later, Cas." He saluted, before walking off.

Castiel smiled, and fell asleep once the nurse gave him the okay.


	3. The Winchesters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILERS**
> 
> Dean takes Castiel to his home when he's discharged at the hospital. Castiel meets Sam, and the two get along well. However, when Dean goes to wake Castiel after a nap, he discovers that his arms are filled with self-harm scars, leading him to feel concerned for his new friend and reminded of when he himself picked up the blade. Meanwhile, Sam notices the easy connection between Dean and Castiel, and tries to nudge Dean in Castiel's direction.
> 
>  **TRIGGER WARNINGS**  
>  Self harm scars, references and discussion to self harm and mental illness.

Castiel was eager when 10am arrived, staring at his door, waiting hopefully for Dean to walk through.

When it was a quarter past, Dean appeared in the doorway with a smile on his face. "Yo, Cas. How are you feeling?" he asked as he stepped into the room.

Castiel smiled back at Dean, relief washing over him. He had been so afraid that Dean wouldn't show. "Better. My head still hurts, and I need to relax for a week before I can go back to school. I'm also not allowed to sleep more than three hours at a time for the next few days."

Dean nodded in understanding. "Shouldn't be a problem. I've talked to my family, and they know about the situation. They're happy to help." He grinned. "So, you've got everything? Nothing you've forgotten?"

Castiel smiled, his fingers twitching as he refrained from taking Dean's hand. He wanted it, but now that he wasn't completely incapacitated, he didn't know how it would be taken. "I think so. Really, I don't know how I'm going to repay you for this."

Dean patted him on the shoulder. "It's fine, you don't have to repay me. Though, if you really want to, you'll find a way," he said. "So, c'mon, let's roll- I've got coffee and doughnuts in the car." He smiled, and then it faltered. "Shit. I just realized I don't even know if you like coffee."

"Coffee is good." Castiel murmured, slowly getting up and bracing himself on Dean as he got a little dizzy.

"Wow, easy there, man," Dean said as he grabbed Castiel by the shoulders to steady him. "You want to use my arm as support?"

"That'd be nice." Castiel replied, holding onto Dean and supporting himself on him as they walked out to Dean's car.

Dean smiled at him, not bothered by this at all. He helped Castiel to the passenger side, opening the door for him. When he was sure Castiel was properly seated in the car, he went around the car to climb into the driver's seat. He pointed to the tray with two coffees and the bag of doughnuts that sat between them. "Please, help yourself," he said with a smile.

Castiel smiled, resting his head against the back of the seat, taking one of the coffees and a doughnut. "Thank you," he said, eyes resting on Dean as they drove, a small, fond smile appearing on his face.

"You're welcome, Cas," Dean said with a relaxed smile. He was glancing at Castiel every now and then, carefully sipping his coffee whenever they drove straight. After a while, he pulled up on a driveway, parking beside an old truck. "So... Here we are," he said, turning to Castiel. "You need help getting out?"

"Possibly." he replied, unbuckling his seatbelt and opening the door, getting out and bracing himself against the hood of the car. "Your house is nice."

Dean shrugged as he got out of the car, grabbing the coffee and the bag of doughnuts before locking the car. Then he went around to offer his arm again. "It's nothing special. But yeah, Uncle Bobby and my dad spent most of last summer fixing it up. It's me, my brother, and my Dad that live here. And you, for the time being."

Castiel smiled and held onto Dean, supporting himself on the other as they walked inside.

Sam was in the living room, and he looked up. "Hey Dean, is this Castiel?" he asked, shutting his laptop computer. 

"Hey Sammy, and yeah, this is the guy," Dean said and nodded, helping Castiel over to the couch and placing the snacks on the coffee table. He looked at the two of them. "So- Sammy, this is Castiel. Cas, this is Sam, my little brother."

"A pleasure, Sam." Castiel offered him a soft smile.

Sam smiled. "Nice to meet you, Cas. Sorry if Dean tried to hit on your or anything while you were hurting. He tends to flirt with anything."

Castiel tried to keep a straight face at the words.

Dean rolled his eyes. "Haha, you’re so funny Sam, you ought to rethink your life choices and become a comedian." He crossed his arms and huffed. "I'm guessing Dad and Bobby are at the garage?"

"You guessed correctly." Sam replied, getting up. "Looks like Cas is about to pass out, you might want to take him upstairs." he pointed out. Sure enough, Castiel was starting to nod off, the couch quite comfortable.

"Yeah, that's a good idea. C'mon buddy, let's get you to bed," Dean said as he patted Castiel on the shoulder, before helping him stand up. He nodded towards the doughnuts. "Help yourself, Sammy." That said, he started the careful process of helping his new friend up the stairs to the guest room.

Castiel leaned into Dean as they walked upstairs. "Wake me in three hours." he mumbled, not even bothering to get under the blankets on the bed he was offered before he was asleep.

Dean shook his head as he saw how Castiel basically just fell on the bed. It looked a bit funny, even if the reasons weren't funny at all. "Alright, Cas. See you in three hours," he answered, closing the door to give him privacy before heading downstairs again.

Sam looked at Dean when he came back down. "I'm glad you're helping him. He doesn't really have anyone, you know?"

Dean couldn't help but sigh. "Yeah. Befriend a guy who has nothing, then hours later be the reason why he's now suffering from a serious concussion." He rubbed a hand over his face. "Gotta wake him in three hours."

Sam frowned. "Why are you the reason? You didn't beat him up, did you?"

Dean shook his head. "No. But apparently a football player used me as an excuse to beat him. Told Cas that he was 'corrupting me'."

Sam's frown deepened. "I saw how he was looking at you, Dean. What you're doing means everything to him, concussion or no. And I'll help you beat the guy's ass who did it."

Smiling faintly, Dean wrapped an arm around his brother. "You're the best Sammy, but it's fine. I think I can handle having him kicked off the team and hopefully gone from school."

Sam nodded, hugging Dean back. "It'll be nice to get to know him better. I hear all the rumors at school, but I don't think most of them are true."

"Yeah... Doesn't surprise me you were more observant. But yeah, I don't get it. He's a cool guy. Don't get what the problem is." Dean huffed.

"He's a little different, sure." Sam replied. "But I don't see why he doesn't have any friends, really. Or why people are so mean to him."

"I guess we'll just have to ask people. Did I tell you that Jo was with me when I saw him? She looked really weirded out. But she helped anyway," Dean said. "He's just too different, I guess. I mean. I swear that the whole football team - but me, that is - are afraid he wants to shag them." He huffed.

Sam rolled his eyes. "Typical." he snorted. "Anyways, can you make your homemade burgers for dinner, Dean?"

"Oh? What is this I hear? Sammy craving my buns and meat?" Dean smirked as he wiggled his eyebrows. Then he laughed. "Seriously though- Of course I can make them."

Sam slapped Dean playfully on the shoulder. "Shut up, jerk! Besides, Castiel should try them too, they're delicious!"

"Oh, Sammy! Your words make my inner housewife swoon." Dean snickered. "Whatever you say man. Should there be something on the side, too? Or just hamburgers?"

Sam shrugged. "Whatever you feel like making. Besides, it's not like Dad's going to cook for us. He's out getting wasted with Bobby. You know what next week is..." Sam sobered slightly at the reminder, the anniversary of their mother's death.

Dean went still, doing nothing for a moment. Then he grunted and looked at the floor. "I could take the week off. Or at least on that day. Make sure everything's running smoothly. Someone needs to make sure the place is in order." He started to regret bringing Castiel. The guy had gone through enough.

"You should probably take the week," Sam murmured softly. "Especially with Castiel being here." he got up from the couch then and wandered to his bedroom, the joking air having disappeared.

Dean sighed, running his fingers through his short hair. He hated missing out on everything, but he guessed it was alright since he always made up for it by rarely being sick. It just sucked, anyway. He hoped their father would at least try to behave in front of Castiel, but it was unlikely. In an attempt to distract himself, he went to the kitchen to see if they had everything they needed, or if someone had go get some groceries.

Sam made his way down about an hour later. "I dunno if Cas is asking for you or not, but I can hear him calling your name."

Dean looked up from the shopping list and turned to Sam. "Really? Well, I better go check it out, then... Here's the shopping list, if you need anything, write it down." He handed the paper and the pencil over to his brother, before making his way upstairs to the room where he'd put Castiel.

Castiel was still asleep, but he was whimpering Dean's name, clearly in the throes of a nightmare. His long sleeves had rolled up, revealing a large amount of self-inflicted scars littering his forearms. They had been covered by wires and tubes in the hospital, but now were blatantly clear.

Dean didn't know what to think when he entered the room and came up close, just to see the scars on Castiel's arms. He just knew that suddenly, he felt like vomiting. Because he knew exactly what it was that he was seeing. Carefully, he leaned down and pulled down the sleeves to Castiel's shirt. Then he grabbed one of his friend's shoulders, to gently shake him awake. "Cas. Cas, wake up."

Castiel gasped and shot up in bed, his head throbbing, eyes wide with fear. They found Dean, and he relaxed a little. "I'm sorry." he whispered. "I didn't mean to bother you."

Dean shook his head, keeping his hand on Castiel's shoulder. "It's fine. I know how bothersome nightmares can be," he said, trying not to think of what he'd seen, trying to keep his free hand from shaking.

Castiel frowned slightly. "Are you okay? You look troubled."

"Ah? Oh, uh, yeah. I think I just had a bit too much caffeine." Dean put on a big grin.

Castiel still frowned somewhat, but he didn't push the issue. His arms were still covered; there was no way that Dean could have seen, right? "I'm feeling much less dizzy." He forced a smile. "I want to try walking by myself."

Dean nodded, releasing Castiel and standing up, putting his hands in his back pockets to keep them from shaking. "Alright. If you don't mind, we could walk downstairs? We're making a shopping list, and I'm pretty sure you need things that we don't have at home."

Castiel nodded, carefully getting up from the bed, and smiling when he stood without shaking. He looked at Dean, and his smile faltered. "Dean, something's bothering you." he murmured. "What's wrong? It's not the caffeine."

Dean tried to smile, but it was strained and he dropped it quickly. He'd let down too many walls around Castiel to be able to play pretend like he always did at school. "Don't worry about it, I'll tell you downstairs." He sighed softly.

Castiel nodded, and followed Dean downstairs, only needing a little help getting started. But he got downstairs without issue, and followed Dean into the kitchen.

Sam had added lettuce and tomatoes to the grocery list, and handed it back to Dean.

"Ah, thanks Sammy." Dean took the list with a nod, then turned to Cas. "So, anything you need that I should write down?"

Castiel shook his head. "I'm not picky." he replied, concern still on his face as he looked at Dean.

Dean bit his lip and nodded slowly. "Alright..." He knew he couldn't say anything about what he saw, but he didn't exactly want to tell him about their father, either. He didn't know what to say.

Sam looked back and forth. "I'm going to leave, before your UST becomes RST." he commented, disappearing to his bedroom.

Dean ignored Sam's comment completely, but made a mental note to punch the kid later. Not because he was offended, but because it was the wrong time.

Castiel didn't know what Sam meant by that, but continued looking at Dean with that unblinking stare, realization slowly dawning when he caught Dean sneaking glances at his arms. "You saw my arms, didn't you?" he asked softly.

Dean felt cold as Castiel spoke. "Sorry... You tossed in your sleep. I had hoped that pulling down your sleeves would keep you from worrying," he mumbled, staring down at the floor.

Castiel's eyes closed, and he let out a slow breath. "I'm sorry you saw." he murmured. "I don't mean to worry you. But I am a year clean, and I take anti-depressants." he told Dean softly.

Dean nodded curtly, but didn't seem to relax any. "I don't judge you or anything, and I believe you, it's just..." he trailed off, not knowing how to explain why he was reacting like this. He probably gave Castiel the wrong idea. "It's just hard."

Castiel looked up, searching Dean's face. "Have you...?" he trailed off, knowing that the question didn't need completing for Dean to understand what he was asking.

Dean slowly looked up at him, not saying anything for a moment. "... You want some coffee? I sure could go for some," he mumbled, not denying but not admitting to anything, then went over to the coffee machine to prepare it.

Castiel looked away, uncomfortable. "I'm sorry....I'm not doing very well at this whole friendship thing, am I?" he asked, voice quiet. To him, it felt all he was doing was pushing Dean away, giving him more reasons to hate him. The outcast of the school, "Asstiel Nerdvak" to most. And here he was, so bad at everything, pushing away the one person who showed him kindness.

Dean shook his head, not looking at Castiel. "That's not it, Cas. I'm just... I think Sammy calls it 'emotionally constipated'." He chuckled humorlessly. "I'm not used to talking about who I am," he admitted, grabbing to clean mugs from the cupboard after he started the coffee machine. "I have a good life, so there's no reason."

Castiel swallowed. "Sometimes, there isn't a reason." he replied softly, moving to hesitantly take Dean's hand in his again, eyes on the other's face and rubbing his thumb over the back of his hand.

Dean looked down, gently squeezing Castiel's hand. He soon looked up at him, a weak smile on his face. "I'm guessing that it's not something anyone would suspect though, huh?"

"No, it's not." Castiel admitted. "But I'm not judging you. Not at all." he murmured. "If...if you want, I'm always willing to listen, or be a distraction, when you get the urge." he offered.

Dean laughed softly. "You'll probably have to threaten to shoot me to get anything out of me. But thanks."

Castiel offered a soft smile. "The offer stands." he replied simply, although he didn't let go of Dean's hand, eyes locked on Dean's green pair, as the hand-holding went past what would be considered all right for the moment.

Dean looked back at Castiel, and his shoulders slowly dropped as he relaxed, a bit of color returning to his face. His hands were no longer shaking. "Thank you," he repeated, genuinely grateful.

Castiel smiled softly, fondly, and squeezed Dean's fingers one last time before reluctantly letting go. He wanted to kiss the other, had leaned in just a little, but stopped. Dean was the straightest guy he knew, and he didn't want to lose him because he couldn't control himself.

Dean blinked at Castiel, having noticed the leaning. But he said nothing, just smiled back instead before turning back to the coffee. "So, you and Sammy will have to entertain yourselves later when I go out for the groceries."

"That's fine." Castiel replied. "I can help you cook." he offered.

Dean grinned at that. "Sorry pal. This is my kitchen, and I've been requested to do my signature dish tonight. Maybe tomorrow."

Castiel cocked a questioning eyebrow. "Signature dish?" he asked.

Dean nodded. "Hamburgers. Homemade. Even Sammy likes them, and he's not really a fan of fatty foods."

Castiel's face lit up. "That sounds delicious." he smiled. "Hamburgers are my favorite food."

Dean grinned. "That's awesome," he said, then noticed that the coffee was done. He poured a mug for himself, then looked at Castiel. "Want some?"

Castiel shook his head. "I really shouldn't." he replied. "Um...where's the restroom?"

Dean nodded. "Alright. The bathroom's in the hall. It's the door to the left of the front door. There's also one upstairs."

Castiel nodded, getting up and giving Dean a soft smile as he disappeared. He returned a few minutes later, Sam in tow.

"When are you leaving Dean, I'm hungry!" Sam whined.

Dean rolled his eyes. "Mama bird is leaving as soon as he finishes the last mouthful of his coffee, baby bird," he answered, then made a show of slowly bringing the mug to his lips.

Sam rolled his eyes. "Sorry Cas, he'll get that stick out of his ass one of these days."

Castiel quirked a soft smile.

Dean stuck out his tongue, before finishing his coffee and putting the mug down. "You two better not cause a mess while I'm gone." 

"Of course not!" Sam grinned. "Cas and I were talking, and I'm going to show him my first edition of Alice in Wonderland!"

Dean smiled as he put the grocery list in his pocket, and got ready to leave. "Alright. Sounds like a good plan. I'll have my phone on me if you come to think or something or need me."

Sam nodded, and Castiel followed the younger Winchester to his room.

When Dean returned from his shopping trip, Sam was on his laptop and Castiel was napping on the couch.

Dean tried to be as quiet as possible when he noticed that Castiel was sleeping, having checked in on them quickly on his way to the kitchen, as he put away all the things he'd bought.

Sam meandered into the kitchen behind Dean. "So, have a girlfriend at the moment?" he asked nonchalantly.

Dean paused, and looked at Sam. "No. Why?" He raised a brow.

Sam just grinned, hopping up on the counter, although he was tall enough that his feet still touched the floor. "No reason. There's just someone interested in you is all."

Dean stared at him, then huffed as he put things in the fridge. "In me me, or me the captain?" he asked.

"Definitely you you. They couldn't give a shit if you played football or not."

"Huh, really now?" Dean mumbled skeptically.

"I promise," Sam replied. "I swear on my laptop there's someone interested in you you."

Dean hummed. "And I'm guess that you're here to gossip like an old lady, but you're not actually going to tell me anything to reveal who this person is, yeah?"

"Well, they will kill me. Besides, you probably wouldn't be interested. They...aren't your usual type, to say the least."

"Are you trying to tell me it's a dude or something?"

"Possibly." Sam hopped off of the counter. "Hurry, Castiel's stomach was growling earlier, but he denied it."

Dean raised a brow. "Huh. We better keep an eye on him, then. I'll get started right away." He started gathering the things he needed.

Castiel padded in about fifteen minutes later, his hair mussed. "Smells delicious." he murmured, sitting on a nearby stool.

Dean smiled at him. "That's good, it'll be ready in just a moment. I just need to put them together."

Castiel smiled, and yawned heavily. "Can't wait to taste it." His eyes locked on Dean's again. He really didn't know how to speak to someone without making intense eye contact.

Dean wasn't sure to make of the eye contact, but didn't exactly mind. As promised, it didn't take long until he put down a plate in front of Castiel. "Hamburger a la Dean."

Castiel smiled and bowed his head momentarily, saying a quick prayer before he picked it up, taking a bite. His eyes widened. "This...Dean, this is delicious."

Dean patted him gently on the shoulder, chuckling. "Thanks, man. That's good to hear," he said, before shouting to Sam to get his ass to the kitchen.

Castiel found himself leaning into the touch.

Sam ran in, grin wide at the smell, grabbing a plate. "Thanks Dean! You're the best!" 

Castiel smiled, and continued eating his burger, extremely happy.

"Haha, it's nothing, Sammy," Dean replied, gently ruffling Sam's hair before grabbing a plate of his own and sitting down by the table to eat.

Sam sat down next to Castiel. "So Cas, do you have a boyfriend?" Sam asked.

Castiel looked at Sam. "You and Dean are my only friends. What do you think?"

Dean raised a brow, wondering how and when his brother got interested in other people's love lives. He didn't know what to say, so he just focused on chewing.

"Oh, I just find it funny how you both are single." Sam grinned. "I have Jess, after all."

Castiel shot Sam a look; he had accidentally confessed his feelings for Dean to the younger Winchester while Dean was out, and was wondering what he was getting at.

Dean paused, and looked over at Sam. He wasn't actually sure of what Sam was getting at, but he did his best to try and connect the dots. This probably had something to do with the discussion they had earlier...

Castiel looked nervous, and set the last uneaten quarter down; he wasn't very hungry anymore.

Dean turned his attention to Castiel, and frowned slightly. "Hey, you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just...tired." he murmured. "I think I'm going to lay down for a few hours." he stood from the table. "Thank you for the hamburgers, they were delicious."

Dean's frown deepened, but he didn't push it, just nodded. "Alright, I'll come check in on you later," he said.

Castiel nodded, and made his way upstairs, feeling uneasy.

Sam looked at Dean. "Could you be any thicker?" he asked once Castiel made his way upstairs.

Dean blinked, then narrowed his eyes at Sam. "Are you saying this is my fault? Great."

"Yes, I am." Sam replied simply. "Because you won't get your head out of your ass and see how much Castiel cares about you, or how much you care about him!"

Dean stared at him, and then put his head in his hands, sighing heavily. "Sammy... Are you trying to play matchmaker or something? Is that what this is about? Jesus."

"Just give him a chance at least." Sam stood from the table. "He's spent a lot of high school trying to make you happy, and you didn't notice him." he walked away then, leaving Dean alone in the kitchen.

Dean lifted his head to watch Sam walk off, then groaned in frustration as he massaged the spot between his eyes. He had absolutely no clue about what Sam was talking about, but he wasn't surprised. It wasn't the first time he ended up being a shitty person. Quietly he stood up and gathered the dishes, throwing away the leftover food before washing up.


	4. Paintings and Kisses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS**  
>  Castiel is feeling low, and he realizes that his medication is at his home, and tells Dean. During the drive, they talk, and Castiel makes the decision to kiss Dean when they've stopped at a red light. Dean doesn't react like he thought he would - but all is well in the end. Inside Castiel's home, Dean gets to know about his artistic talents. On the way back, Dean warns Castiel about the next week.
> 
>  **CONTENT/TRIGGER WARNINGS**  
>  Brief mentions of desire to self harm and past suicide attempt(no graphic details of either), kissing another person without proper consent(later kisses are consensual).

Castiel was laying in the guest bedroom, but he wasn't asleep. He was wide awake as he thought, scared of a lot of things. When he felt the urge to cut again, he realized that he hadn't taken his medication in a few days, and didn't have it with him. He got up, and made his way back downstairs, finding Dean. "Hey Dean?" he asked, voice quiet. "Would it be possible to go to my house? I left my medication at home."

Dean was drying off his hands, just having finished doing the dishes. He looked at Castiel with a small smile. "Sure, Cas. We can go right away." 

Castiel returned the small smile. "Thank you. I'm sorry I'm being such a burden." he murmured.

Dean shook his head and clicked his tongue. "None of that, Cas. You're not a burden," he said as he patted Castiel on the shoulder, before grabbing his keys and heading out.

Castiel followed Dean out to the car, getting into the passenger's side. "I've been inconveniencing you a lot these past two days." he murmured.

Dean climbed into the driver's seat, and started the car. "I told you. I like to help people. Especially good people," he replied as he got the car onto the road. "So tell me, Cas, where do you live?"

"I live off of 18th, third house on the left." he replied, settling into the leather seat. It was the nicer part of the small town.

Dean blinked in surprise. "Huh." He didn't saying else about it, even though he was slightly worried that Castiel must be working ridiculously long hours to keep a place in that part. He mentally shrugged it off, before thinking about what Sam had told him earlier. It made him grip the wheel tightly. "... Sam said you've been looking out for me during all of high school," he mentioned.

Castiel stiffened. "... Yes, I have been." he admitted softly. "Although no one knew it was me."

Dean couldn't help but sigh. "Why? I don't remember doing anything to deserve something like that. I'm a shitty person. I don't even know what you did for me!"

Castiel looked down at the floor. "Because I just wanted you to be happy." he murmured. "Because...I..." he swallowed, unable to confess. "Remember Lisa?"

Dean tensed up. "... Yeah, what about her?" he mumbled. He didn't like to think of Lisa. That hadn’t ended well.

"I was the one who pointed her in your direction. She made you so happy, and...I truly am sorry for how it ended." he murmured.

Dean bit his lip. So that's how it happened. "... It's fine. It was my fault anyway. She was just too good for me."

Castiel shook his head. "I..." he steeled himself, gathering his nerves, and leaned over to kiss Dean on the lips once they were at a stoplight.

Dean's eyes were wide open as he stared at Castiel, and he forgot to breathe. Castiel was kissing him. A guy who'd been nothing but nice and done things for him during all of high school, while Dean hadn't even paid him a single bit of attention in return, was kissing him.

Castiel pulled back, his cheeks flaming red as he shrank back to his side of the car, clearly afraid.

Dean stared at Castiel, not snapping out of his shocked state until the car behind them honked their horn and a “It's green, dickhead!” was shouted at him. He drew in a sharp breath, and continued driving. He was silent for a while, before he spoke up in a small voice. "You have a unique, but bad taste in guys, Cas."

Castiel was shaking, trying so hard to keep himself together. "You don't have to take me back." he whispered. "Just....drop me off at home, and I'll never bother you again." his voice was cracking, clearly hurt and terrified.

Dean's grip on the wheel hardened, his knuckles turning white. Now he'd done it again. "Cas... Please. I'm not mad. I refuse to leave you on your own, especially now. I just..." He took a deep breath. "You can do so much better, Cas. You're a good guy. I'm not. You deserve so much better."

"Dean, you're a great person, and a better man than I will ever be." he whispered. "I just...assaulted you, and you are still offering to take care of me."

Dean huffed. "You didn't assault me. Maybe invaded my personal space but... I'm cool with that, so don't worry about it. I like you, Cas, so of course I'll still take care of you."

Castiel just looked so shocked. "You...even knowing that the queer is interested in you, you..." he shook his head. “You're so much of a better person than I am.”

A blush spread across Dean's cheeks, and he sunk slightly in his seat as if wanting to deny his own existence. "I take it as a compliment, and a compliment is a compliment, doesn't matter if it's from a dude or a chick. I've just never… Slept with a guy."

"I haven't either." Castiel admitted softly. "I just...I know you aren't even slightly interested in other guys, and I'm sorry for making you so uncomfortable."

The corner of Dean's mouth twitched. "... You remember Benja- I mean. Benny Lafitte, the Lousiana guy? The big one who always wore that cap he got from his grandfather?"

Castiel nodded. "He would stop Alistair for me on occasion. Why?"

"Me and Benny were close, before he graduated and moved away. Even let me call him Benjamin..." Dean said slowly, glancing at Castiel.

Castiel's head tilted quizzically. "I don't understand..." he murmured.

"Don't worry, I don't think Sam even knows. After Lisa, I got more time to hang out with Benjamin, and we went fishing a lot. Shared a few kisses and… Stuff… Whenever we felt like it. We were only really good friends though. Nothing more."

Castiel nodded, looking down, a little bit of hope now flaring in his chest. "Take the next right." he directed softly.

Dean nodded, and turned right. "It's not that I'm ashamed of it. It just wasn't anything to flaunt. I don't even bother telling people what girls I kiss - they're the ones going around talking about it," he muttered. "Oh I slobbered all over the captain of the football team when I was drunk, in your face bitch," he said in a high pitched voice, obviously trying to mimic some random girl.

Castiel's lips twitched into a soft smile. "It seems like every day, I gain more respect for you." he murmured. "Would...." he swallowed. "Would you ever be interested in a relationship with another man?"

Dean bit his lip to keep himself from saying something stupid in reply to the first thing Castiel said. He released his lip when he parked the car outside of Castiel’s home, and turned his head to the other. "Depends on the guy, really..." he mumbled, reaching over to rest his hand on Castiel's shoulder. Again, he thought of what Sam had said.

A shiver shot down Castiel's spine as he looked over at the other, not even realizing that they had stopped in front of his house. His blue eyes were wide, and they locked with Dean's green.

Dean couldn't bring himself to remove his hand from Castiel's shoulder, just keeping it there. It almost felt like holding onto an anchor, grounding him and not making him flee from the situation. He swallowed, staring straight into Castiel's eyes.

Slowly, Castiel leaned forwards, his eyes sliding closed and tilting his head as he met Dean for another soft kiss.

This time, Dean closed his eyes and kissed back gently, his hand moving to rest on his arm instead.

Castiel broke the kiss when he needed to breathe, although not moving away. "I'm not dreaming, am I?" he whispered.

Dean opened his eyes half way, just staring at him. Then he pinched Castiel's arm.

Castiel jumped when Dean pinched him, letting out a surprised gasp. Then he laughed, rubbing at his arm. "I guess not."

Dean smirked, happy that he managed to make Castiel laugh. "Sometimes, miracles happen."

Castiel smiled at Dean, his face so elated, happier than Dean had ever seen it before. "I should go in and grab my things... Would you like to come in?" he offered.

The sight made Dean's face soften, turning his smirk into a small, affectionate smile. "Sure. I'd like to see the secret lair."

Castiel laughed again, getting out of the car and reaching into his trench coat, grabbing his keys and unlocking the door. "Make yourself at home."

The place was large, spacious, and spotless, albeit a few things were a little dusty. There were a few paintings hanging on the walls, the bottom corners with a "C" and two black wings as the signature.

Dean followed Castiel inside, but paused and turned his attention to the paintings that he was seeing. He couldn't even draw a stick figure, so he was very impressed with what he was eeing. He rarely looked at art, but it was Castiel's house so he got a bit curious. Though, he had no clue whose signature it was.

Castiel came out of his bedroom with a small bag, with a few changes of clothes, his bible, and his medication, as well as other necessities if he would be spending a fair amount of time at Dean's house. "Which one's your favorite?" he asked, noticing Dean was looking at the paintings on the wall, paintings he had done.

Dean looked over at Castiel, then looked at the paintings again. "I'm not quite sure... They're all really well made. Makes me kind of wish I could paint." He grinned.

Castiel smiled softly. "Thank you. I appreciate the compliment." he turned to look at one, with was an angel with black wings shielding another man within them. "This one is my favorite." he murmured. "I painted it last year."

Dean blinked. "Wow, these are you paintings? That's even more amazing," he mumbled, then took a good look at the one Castiel was looking at. "... Y'know, the angel dude looks like you."

Castiel quirked a soft smile. "I am named after an angel. So when I paint him, I give him my face." he murmured.

"Huh. That's pretty cool," Dean mumbled. "So, you gonna be an artist or something?"

Castiel nodded. "I hope to be. How about you? What do you want to be?"

Dean shrugged slightly. "I don't know. I'm not really good at anything but football and fixing cars, but I don't want to do either of them for a living..."

"Why not? If that's what you enjoy?"

"I guess that's just it. It's fun, but nothing I'm too serious about. Which is why I still don't understand how I'm the captain..."

"You're talented." Castiel replied easily.

Dean smiled slightly. "Thank you. It's good to get confirmation that I'm good at something."

Castiel smiled softly, walking over to stand next to Dean. "You're good at a lot of things." he murmured, standing on his tip toes to peck Dean's lips again.

Dean blushed, and reached up to scratch his nose in a nervous manner. He wanted to disagree, but Castiel was happy. He didn't want to ruin that. Smiling, he wrapped an arm around the other teen. "You got everything you need?"

Castiel leaned into the football player, obviously starved for any form of affection. "Yes, I do. I'm ready to leave whenever you are." 

Dean kept his arm around Castiel's shoulders, and he was quiet for a moment. "Tell me about what inspired you to do these paintings, Cas. I'm curious."

Castiel looked up. "Well, that one." he pointed towards a picture of a boat in the midst of a stormy ocean, "I painted right after my mom died, and right when I was diagnosed with severe depression. It's how I felt; lost in a storm of grief and emotion." He pointed to the next, which was a man helping up another man from when he had been beaten down. "I painted that right after we met." he whispered. "In English our freshman year." He pointed at the angel protecting the man. "You were also the inspiration for that one." he murmured, before pointing at the last, which was a single rose growing in a field of weeds. "This one was done when I was fifteen, after my first suicide attempt." he admitted.

Dean suppressed the urge to react on the sad parts of Castiel's collection of paintings. His number one coping mechanism was to ignore and maybe deny, and it worked better when he was with others and could focus on their positive attributes or events. Though he made sure to gently squeeze and rub Castiel's arm to show that he heard him, acknowledged the information. "... Yeah. We sat beside each other, didn't we?"

Castiel nodded. "In the back of the classroom. Owens wasn't the best teacher, was he?" Castiel chuckled softly. "You were nice to me, and that's what mattered. You picked me up when I had fallen to my lowest."

 "Ugh. I hated Owens, and he hated me." Dean scowled at the memory of the man. "Yeah... Two freshmen, in the row that belonged to the weird kids. Y'know. It's kinda sad I forgot about that - that I sat beside you." He frowned. "I guess that's what happens when you join any of the sports teams."

Castiel nodded. "You were catapulted to popularity, could have any girl you wanted. It's no wonder you forgot about the strange kid you sat next to in one class freshman year." he murmured. "That was before Alistair and Uriel started going after me with a vengeance, so I don't blame you."

Dean's eyes grew wide, and he looked at Castiel. "... Alistair has also been after you?" He narrowed his eyes. "I knew he was a sleazy bastard but... Damn."

"Alistair was there with Uriel when he gave me the concussion." he replied, looking up at Dean. "I'm honestly surprised they haven't done worse to me before now. Alistair's....very sadistic, to put it lightly."

Swallowing, Dean looked down at his feet. "... You did say Uriel beat you up because you were corrupting me, yeah? Well, I..." He paused, unsure if he wanted to continue.

Castiel frowned slightly, looking up at Dean, feeling a pit in his stomach. "Yes?" he asked, voice soft.

"... This makes me think that Alistair might be a bit obsessed with me," he mumbled. "I never really thought of it like that, you know? Thought he was just being overly friendly." He massaged the spot between his eyes.

"The ones who scream "queer" the loudest tend to be the ones hiding it themselves," Castiel pointed out.

"Yeah..." Dean shuddered. "He just got ten times more sleazy, I tell ya."

"Wasn't he always?" Castiel replied, head resting on Dean's shoulder.

"He was, but now I don't think I can look him in the face. Not that I want to." Dean pressed a soft kiss to the top of Castiel's head. "Why look at him when I can look at an 'angel'?" He grinned.

Castiel flushed, both at the kiss and the compliment. "I may be named after one, but I am no angel." he murmured, although he gave Dean a small smile.

"You're not? Aww. Now you're just pulling my leg," Dean said, moving to stand in front of Castiel in order to wrap both of his arms around him.

Castiel dropped his bag to embrace Dean back, his head fitting perfectly underneath the taller's chin. He let out a short breath and smiled softly. "Every single female at school will want to kill me." he murmured. "For taking you away from them."

Dean laughed softly. "Don't worry, Cas. I'll keep your ass safe from them, I promise," he spoke softly as he slowly rubbed Castiel's back. "They'll just have to accept that I'm unavailable."

Castiel smiled and relaxed in Dean's arms, clearly happy and basking in the affectionate touches, having been so deprived of affection for so long.

For a long moment, Dean just stood there with Castiel in his arms, basking in the feeling. Then he pulled away slightly. "I think we better get going before Sammy misses us, don't you think?"

Castiel nodded, stooping to pick his bag back up. "We should." he murmured, grabbing his keys on their way out, locking the house door behind them before following Dean to the Impala, sliding into the passenger's seat.

Dean got into the driver’s seat, then leaned over to kiss Castiel on the lips, before starting the car and driving off towards his own home. He frowned slightly as he came to think of his father. "... Hey, Cas. I wanna give you a fair warning. It's the anniversary of... Of my mom's death, next week. So my Dad will be kinda out of it. Just so you know."

Castiel returned the kiss happily, relaxing into the leather seat. When Dean spoke, he nodded. "Thank you for the warning. Is... Is there anything I can do, for you or Sam, or anyone?" he asked.

"Well, Sammy might wanna let some steam out. He's always been one for talking, so if you feel like you can lend an ear... He doesn't really want to talk to me about it, because I've kind of accepted the fact that things are like they are with dad. I'm going to be home the whole week, to take care of Dad and you at the same time." Dean shrugged.

Castiel nodded. "Let me know if there's anything else I can do to help." he murmured, slowly reaching to take Dean's free hand, lacing their fingers together and squeezing his hand gently.

Dean smiled, moving their hands to rest them on his thigh. It felt nice. "I will, I promise."

They drove the rest of the way in silence, Dean only letting go of Castiel’s hand to park the car properly in the driveway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!
> 
> Today, Beat the Odds have been up for a full week, and we couldn't be more excited that you guys like our story!
> 
> I will also apologise for the lack of artwork. We've figured out a better way to stay on top of things, and hopefully, if all goes well and I'm not swamped with other deadlines, art will be posted next week.(chapter 1 & 4 will still recieve art, and you'll be updated on when that happens!)
> 
> Thank you so much for your time! Next chapter will be posted on Wednesday!  
> \--Uke


	5. John

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILERS**
> 
> Castiel meets John when the family convenes together for breakfast, and Dean is nervous as to how his father will react to Castiel's presence and strangeness. When things go as well as they could, Castiel and Dean spend some time together while Dean does chores and Castiel draws, before sharing sweet kisses on the couch.
> 
>  **Trigger Warnings**  
>  Fainting episode as a result of the concussion, unsettling behaviour from a parent to a child (not graphic)

Castiel grabbed his bag once they had parked. "I'm going to go to sleep after I get ready for bed. I'll set my alarm so you don't have to get up every three hours, all right?" he murmured, the sentence interrupted by a large yawn.

Dean nodded with a small smile, locking the Impala when they both had gotten out. "You don't have to, but if you want to, feel free to do so." He opened the front door to the house, and paused as he saw his father's shoes. He closed the door when they were both inside, and then headed to the living room to see his father fast asleep on the couch. John “greeted” him with a snore. Rolling his eyes, he went back to Castiel.

Castiel was making his way upstairs, pausing halfway up, a little dizzy, but getting up by himself. He let himself into the bathroom, and got ready for bed, brushing his teeth and taking his medication. He walked back out, eyes clearly half asleep and nearly stumbling into the doorframe.

Dean had just gotten upstairs when he saw Castiel, wanting to change into some more comfortable clothes and check on Sam. "Wow, Cas- you feel okay?" he asked. "You need help?"

"I'm fine," he muttered. "Just extremely tired." His hands were steadying himself on the doorframe, and he started slowly walking towards the guest bedroom.

Dean wouldn't have any of it. He walked over to Castiel, and wrapped an arm around his waist. "Let me help you."

Castiel leaned into Dean, his head hitting Dean's shoulder as he fell asleep standing up.

Dean let out a choked noise. It was funny that Castiel had fallen asleep standing up, but also terrifying because he might've collapsed onto the floor and banged his head. Carefully and awkwardly he picked Castiel up, and then carried him to bed and putting him under the covers.

Castiel curled up underneath the covers, lips parted softly as he breathed.

Sam poked his head into the room. "Is Cas all right? You made a funny noise, Dean." he asked quietly.

Dean ran a hand over his hair. "He is, but for a moment he wasn't. He was so tired he fell asleep standing up, head on my shoulder. Could've ended badly." He sighed softly, turning and walking out of the room.

Sam closed the door behind Dean. "But he's all right." he replied. "Did you finally get the stick out of your ass?" Sam asked.

Dean just stared at him, clearly unimpressed. "What stick? I've had no sticks in my ass."

"Did you kiss Cas or not?" Sam asked bluntly.

"Actually, he kissed me," Dean admitted with a calm face.

Sam got a shit eating grin on his face. "So are you together now?"

"After revealing some secret affairs and your runny mouth, yes. Now stop looking like the kid who just won the biggest stuffed animal at the festival." Dean huffed.

Sam just grinned. "Congrats then!" he smiled, rushing off to his room before Dean could retaliate.

Dean huffed even louder as he headed to his room to change for the night.

Castiel slept for three hours before his alarm went off, which he had set while he was in the restroom. He woke up, and lay back in bed, the memories from earlier rushing into mind. He smiled into the darkness, before turning on his side to go back to sleep.

This continued for the rest of the night, until he could smell bacon cooking. He got up and padded into the kitchen, hair a mess.

Dean was standing by the stove, cooking. He was placing the cooked bacon on a plate, while the rest were in the pan. He was just about to crack an egg and put it in another pan, when he heard someone come in and turned to look. "Good morning Cas," he greeted with a grin. "You sleep okay?"

A man was sitting by the table, reading the newspaper while nursing a cup of coffee. By the way he grumbled to himself, it was obvious he was too engulfed in his reading to notice anything.

Castiel smiled at Dean. "I slept well, thank you. Smells delicious." he wanted to walk over and give Dean a good morning kiss, but didn't know if it would be accepted by the man nearby. "Are you Mr. Winchester?" he asked politely.

Dean smiled as a thank you, then looked at his father at the table. When there was no answer, he huffed. "Dad!"

John was startled out of his own little world, looking around quickly with a surprised look on his face before his eyes settled on Dean and Castiel. "... Oh. Good morning."

"It's nice to meet you, Mr. Winchester. I'm Castiel Novak, thank you for letting me stay here." he extended his hand for a handshake, eyes meeting John's in that unblinking stare.

John stared at him closely for a moment, taking him in. The he reached out his own bold, dry hand to firmly shake Castiel's hand. "Call me John, boy. Please take a seat." He took his hand back, but kept his eyes on Castiel.

Dean deemed this a good first impression, and went back to making breakfast.

Castiel sat down across from John, his eyes still on John's as John looked at him. "Yes sir." he replied politely.

Sam walked in a few minutes later. "Can I have cheese on my eggs?" he asked Dean.

Dean nodded, then spoke without looking away from the task at hand. "Sure you can. Also, give Cas a cup of coffee - but before that, poke your dear dad and tell him to stop staring."

John huffed. "I can hear you, son," he grumbled, but did avert his eyes back to his newspaper.

Castiel broke his own eye contact, instead watching Dean as he cooked.

Sam grabbed Castiel a cup of coffee and brought it over. "Sleep well, Cas? Dean didn't keep you up all night, did he?" he asked.

Castiel nodded. "Very well, thank you. And no, he didn't."

Sam gave Dean a shit eating grin.

Dean refused to acknowledge Sam's whole existance during that very moment. He hadn't told John yet about him and Castiel. He never really told him about any relationship he's had, except maybe two. It was better that way. Especially now. "So, Cas, how many eggs do you want?"

"Two would be nice, please." Castiel replied.

Sam just chuckled, leaning over the counter to steal a piece of bacon.

"Alright, I- Hey!" Dean smacked Sam's hand with the spatula. "Keep your naughty hands away, you bitch," he grumbled.

"Jerk!" Sam replied, pulling back and nursing at his hand.

Castiel chuckled, sipping at his mug of coffee.

John sighed heavily, and ignored the boys’ behavior to continue reading.

Dean went back to his sizzling pans, and it didn't take long before he started setting down plates with food on the table.

Castiel smiled up at Dean when he was given food. "Thank you," he murmured, bowing his head to murmur a prayer before he started to eat.

John looked over at Castiel. "You religious, boy?" he asked.

Dean didn't know what his father was going to do, and it unsettled him so much he almost couldn't sit down. He forced himself down onto a seat.

Castiel looked up. "Yes I am sir, Christian." he replied politely.

John stared at him quietly, then nodded in acceptance and turned his attention to the food.  
Castiel glanced at Dean, a little confused, before going back to his food.

Dean just smiled and started eating. He'd tell Castiel later that this was a good response.

When Castiel finished, he picked up his plate and took it to the sink, beginning to wash it.  
Dean finished quickly after Castiel, and went over to join him at the sink with his own plate.

Castiel smiled and took the plate. "Here, let me get that." he murmured, giving Dean a smile.

Sam made a gagging noise.

Dean gave Castiel a quick kiss on the cheek as he handed over the plate.

John didn't see, as he looked over at Sam with a puzzled look.

Castiel blushed slightly, and his smile grew as he washed their plates.

Sam just smiled. "Sorry Dad, had something in my throat."

"Gotta be careful, sport," John replied gruffly, then continued reading.

Dean smiled to himself, leaning against the counter.

Sam smiled and winked at Dean.

Castiel finished washing the plates and set them to dry. "So, do you have any plans today?" he asked Dean.

"Dad wants me to mow the lawn, but other than that I have an empty schedule." Dean grinned.

Castiel smiled back at Dean. "I can help," he offered, even though he really shouldn't exert himself too much.

Dean shook his head. "Nuh-uh, ain't gonna happen. But you and Sammy can team up and make lunch later."

Castiel nodded. "All right." he smiled, and followed Dean out to the garage. Once they were in the garage, and the door shut safely behind them, Castiel leaned up for a proper kiss.

Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel and pulled him close, happily kissing him.

Castiel leaned into the other teen, smiling softly when the kiss broke. "I take it your father isn't fond of...well, this?" he asked softly.

"I... Actually have no clue. I haven't actually told him much about my dating, at all. He's only met Lisa and heard of Cassie, as far as I know... But he's a sensitive man, despite his rough looks. He took you being religious surprisingly well," Dean explained.

"Does he normally condemn being religious?" Castiel asked.

Dean shook his head. "No... But my mom was religious. He lost the little belief he had when she passed..."

Castiel nodded in understanding, letting Dean go. "I'm going to sketch while you're mowing the lawn, if that's all right?" he asked.

"That's okay with me." Dean smiled, and placed a chaste kiss on Castiel's forehead before he moved to get the lawn mower out of the garage.

Castiel went back into the house and retrieved his sketchbook and pencils, heading outside and finding a shady spot to sit while he watched Dean, sketching out the other teen's features on the page.

Dean smiled as he saw Castiel sitting there, then started the mower and got to work. He actually liked mowing the lawn. It was a good work out, and it gave him time to think.

Castiel was doing a study on Dean, glancing up every now and then to look at the other as he sketched his eyes, nose, jaw, lips, until finally he flipped the page and started to sketch out Dean's face.

Dean squinted when he was facing the sun, and his lips parted whenever he took a particularly deep breath. His clothes stretched around his body whenever he moved, then loosened slightly as he paused to wipe his forehead.

Castiel kept doing rapid fire movement sketches, trying to capture the moments as they happened.

When he finally finished, Dean felt that he was in dire need of a long shower and a cold drink.

Castiel set his sketchbook down once Dean got close to finishing, coming out with a chilled water bottle, giving it to Dean. "Thought you would like this," he smiled.

Dean blinked in confusion, then beamed. "Thanks, Cas. You're a life saver," he said and gratefully accepted the bottle, opening it and taking a long drink from it, head tilted back.

Castiel smiled and leaned up to press a quick kiss to Dean's neck. "Go and shower, and then we can figure out what we want to do, all right?"

Dean smiled and nodded, then placed a kiss on Castiel's nose.

Castiel scrunched his face up at the kiss to his nose, and smiled.

"Sounds like a plan. Don't miss me too much," Dean said with a wink, then grabbed the lawn mower and headed back to the garage with it. Then he went into the house and upstairs to grab a well earned shower.

He was downstairs on the couch, working on defining the motion sketches so they actually looked like Dean, when Dean finished with his shower.

After he got out of the shower and had dried himself off, Dean dressed in his usual attire consisting of jeans, a t-shirt and a flannel shirt. Then he went downstairs, finding Castiel in the living room. "Hey there, Da Vinci. You doing good?"

Castiel flushed at the compliment. "I'm nowhere near as good as Da Vinci." he replied, looking up at the other. "I'm fine, how was your shower?"

"Aww, I think you're great though. Besides, Da Vinci was kinda boring. All technical and stuff." Dean smiled. "The shower was great, I feel like a whole new person."

Castiel smiled. "Good." he closed his sketchbook. "Anything in particular you want to do? Sam went over to Jess' house."

"The sneaky lil thing." Dean chuckled. "I don't know. I was thinking of baking or something later. Right now I have no clue."

"We could watch a movie?" he suggested. "Since I'm not supposed to overexert myself. Your Dad went out somewhere."

"Oh, yeah, we can do that. Is there anything specific you'd like to watch? We have a lot of movies."

"I haven't actually seen a lot of movies," Castiel admitted. "So you should probably pick."

"... We are soooo watching a Batman movie." Dean grinned, and quickly went over to the shelf where they kept the movies. He grabbed one, and went to put it in the DVD-player. "You want anything to drink or something?"

Castiel chuckled. "I'm fine," he replied, setting his sketchbook and pencils down on the coffee table.

"Alright," Dean said and grabbed the remote. He flopped down beside Castiel, and started the movie.

Castiel leaned against Dean, getting comfortable, and started to watch the movie.  
Dean wrapped and arm around Castiel, his eyes glued to the TV.

Castiel lasted about halfway through the movie before he fell asleep against Dean, lips gently parted as he breathed softly.

Dean blinked as he noticed that Castiel was asleep, and smiled to himself. He didn't move at all for the rest of the movie.

Castiel woke a little bit after the credits had ended, shifting and looking up at Dean. "Sorry." he whispered.

Dean shook his head slightly, and placed a kiss on Castiel's forehead. "It's fine. You must be exhausted."

Castiel smiled at the kiss, and leaned up to press their lips together, gently parting his own in invitation.

Dean chuckled softly against Castiel's lips, then slowly slipped his tongue in between the inviting lips.

Castiel shivered, his free hand coming up to run his fingers through Dean's hair as his tongue slid against the other, drawing Dean's tongue further into his mouth.

Dean made a soft noise into the kiss, as he slowly explored and tasted Castiel. His other arm wrapped around the other, and he entwined his own fingers, resting them on Castiel's waist.

Castiel sighed into the kiss, allowing Dean to explore his mouth and kissing him back as best he could; this was the first time he had ever kissed someone like this, and he relaxed easily into it; it just felt so right.

Dean took it slow, and allowed Castiel space to kiss back. It felt very sweet, much like when he had kissed Benny. He really enjoyed it.

Castiel slowly pulled away, his breathing shallow as he looked up at Dean, affection written on his face as he leaned up for a sweet peck. "Wow." he whispered, hand still gently playing with Dean's hair.

Dean chuckled softly, pressing a quick, chaste kiss to Castiel's lips. "Wow, indeed," he said in a soft voice, smiling gently at Castiel.

Castiel returned the gentle smile, content to spend forever like this, in Dean's arms and sharing sweet kisses. He shifted somewhat, his neck beginning to ache, relaxing and letting his head rest in the crook of Dean's elbow. "I've never kissed someone like that before...I enjoyed it very much." he murmured.

Dean grinned, and shifted a bit himself to get more comfortable. "I'm happy I could introduce you to it... And I'm even more happy that you enjoyed it," he answered, lifting his hand to gently pet Castiel's hair.

Castiel smiled back gently, running his thumb over the back of Dean's hand as he leaned into the touch.

Dean placed a soft kiss on Castiel's forehead, then leaned back with a smile. He thought it was kind of funny how much had happened during the last few days.

Castiel was thinking along the same lines. "It's funny, last week I didn't expect you to ever notice me."

Dean couldn't help but laugh. "Dude. I was just thinking the same thing... Like, so much stuff has happened in such a short time."

Castiel nodded. "It's really quite funny, actually." he mused. "But I'm glad it happened."

"Yeah. I just wish it had happened in another way," Dean mumbled. He wanted to bash Uriel and Alistair's heads in for what they did.

Castiel moved his hand to cup Dean's cheek against his palm. "Don't go after them Dean, please. You'll get into trouble."

Dean grunted. "Can I at least fantasize about strangling them?" he asked, completely serious.

"Fantasizing only," Castiel replied with a chuckle, eyes fluttering closed as he relaxed against the other.

"Okay..." Dean pursed his lips. He wouldn't be satisfied with just fantasizing, but if it made Castiel happy, then he could live with it.

Castiel opened his eyes a few minutes later, looking up at the other, before leaning up for another sweet kiss. "I really appreciate everything you've done, and are doing for me." he murmured.

"It's really nothing, Cas. I'm just happy to help... It's also a bonus I now have someone to kiss," Dean mumbled, then chuckled and pressed his lips against Castiel's.

Castiel smiled into the kiss, wrapping his arms around Dean's shoulders.

"Oh god, get a ROOM!" Sam shouted, having just walked into the living room, a hickey clearly visible on his neck.

Dean broke the kiss but still held his arm around Castiel, and turned to look at Sam with a grin. He gasped when he saw the hickey. "And you better have used protection if what I see is caused by any hanky panky!" he shouted back, pointing a finger at his brother.

"It's called sex Dean, and I'm not an imbecile!" Sam shot back, before flushing slightly at what he had just admitted.

Dean looked at Sam with a stern face, but it only lasted a moment before he burst out laughing. "So much for calling you a sneaky lil' thing..."


	6. Cutie Pies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILERS**
> 
> Castiel and Dean discuss their futures a little before deciding to make lunch together. When they start making a pear and apple pie, Castiel gets a little hands on witht he flour, leading to a full on flour fight and handprints on Dean's ass. After lunch, while cleaning up, Sam asks if Dean is going to mention the relationship to John, leading to an uncomfortable dilemma for Dean.
> 
>  **TRIGGER WARNINGS**  
>  Mentions of a drunken parent, unsettling vibes about a parent from a child.

Sam just flushed. "Just for that, you get to make lunch!" Sam replied. "And no putting it all on Cas!"

Dean shrugged, and flashed his brother a grin. "Fine by me. Seeing your red and cute lil' face is worth it. Hey Cas, remind me to write this down so I'll remember it for the day he marries Jess and I'm allowed to tell all these embarrassing things about him."

Sam just gave him a bitchface before making his way up to his room, slamming the door behind him.

Castiel chuckled. "You gain much entertainment from being an older brother, I see?" he teased.

Dean nodded, not able to stop himself from grinning. "Yeah, I do. It's my job to be a pain in the ass, and ever since he got Jess... Well, it's just so much more fun."

Castiel laughed, leaning up to kiss that smile on Dean's face. "Well, won't having me have some retaliation as well?" he pointed out.

"Oh yeah. But that's fine. I'm pretty sure he's gonna leave for college one day, so I'd be happy to let him embarrass me in return while he's still here," Dean replied, smiling.

Castiel looked up at Dean. "Aren't you planning on going to college too?" he asked.

Dean shrugged slightly. "I don't know. I have no clue what I would like to do. Coach wants me to go play college football - most people expect me to do so - but to be honest... I'd rather be a house husband with no college degree than to continue with football. After what has happened... Well. I'm kinda sick of being around football players."

"Please don't quit the team just because of me," Castiel replied. "If you enjoy playing, you should keep playing."

"It's not you. It's them. I haven't planned to quit though, not yet. Just... Don't want to do it after high school is over," Dean mumbled.

Castiel nodded, rubbing at Dean's neck where he felt the muscle tense up at the conversation.

Dean sighed softly at the touch and leaned into it.

"Is there anything else you want to do today? You said you wanted to bake earlier?" Castiel asked, changing the subject.

Dean grinned. "Don't tell anyone, but I make a mean pie. And cookies. And stuff. My mom used to bake so... I guess I got it from her. A way to relax."

Castiel smiled. "Then let's bake. If your pie tastes half as good as your burgers, it'll be worth it." he looked up at Dean, his eyes clearly soft and fond, leaning up to peck Dean's lips and nipping gently at the lower lip as he pulled back.

Dean ran a hand over Castiel's hair with a smile, before moving to stand up, gently pulling the other with him. "We can make lunch after baking. Unless you feel the need to rest," he suggested as he led Castiel to the kitchen, a hand resting on his back.

"Sounds good to me, and we can let the pie cool down a bit while we make lunch." Castiel smiled, heading towards the pantry to start helping dig out ingredients.

"That's what I was thinking." Dean grinned as he gathered the utensils they would need, then began to hunt down the right ingredients with Castiel.

Castiel handed over the flour to Dean. "What kind of pie should we make?" he mused as he searched for sugar.

Dean hummed as he held the flour in one hand. "So many choices... Hey. You're not allergic to anything, are you?"

Castiel shook his head. "Not at all." he replied. "Although I dislike the taste of coconut."

Dean grinned. "Good thing we don't have any coconuts in any shape or form in here. I was thinking apple and pears. Or maybe... Lemon meringue- No, wait, we don't have more than one lemon. So that's not possible. Aw."

"Apples and pears sound delicious." Castiel smiled, finding the sugar and placing it down on the counter.

"Alrighty then." Dean put the flour on the counter, then shrugged off his flannel shirt and hung it over a chair. "You want an apron or something?" he asked.

"An apron would be nice," Castiel replied, sneaking glances at Dean in just a t-shirt. He rolled up his long sleeves, grabbing a handful of flour and using it to obscure the scars on his forearms, just in case. 

Dean hummed and grabbed two aprons from a hook on the wall. He usually never wore aprons, but he had already showered today and flour was messy business. He put one on, before handing the other to Castiel. "Alright, let's do this."

Castiel nodded, smiling. "Alright, so I'll cut the apples and pears while you make the crust?" he suggested.

"Sounds like a plan, buddy." Dean grinned, and started clearing and preparing a space on the counter to work on.

Castiel retrieved the fruit and got situated, grabbing a good-sized knife to start cutting them into slices.

Dean got to work on making the crust, glancing every now and then at Castiel.

Castiel kept glancing over at Dean as well, and got a mischievous smirk on his face, subtly grabbing a small handful of flour and tossing it at Dean, laughing when it hit the apron.

Dean yelped as he took a step away from Castiel, then looked down at himself. "... You son of a bitch, I'll get you for that," he said, grabbing a handful of flour himself and aiming at Castiel.

Castiel laughed and ducked, the handful barely grazing his hair as he retaliated, aiming at Dean's hip and succeeding.

Dean laughed too, and decided to change tactics. He moved quickly, grabbing Castiel's face and pulling him in for a kiss. Then he proceeded to run his flour covered hands through Castiel's hair, over his neck and then wiping them off on the apron.

Castiel pulled back, making an amused face at Dean before leaning in and grabbing Dean's ass with his own flour-covered hands, leaving two handprints on the back of Dean's jeans.

Dean gasped, then laughed harder and put his hands on Castiel's chest. "Woah, easy there tiger! You haven't even taken me to dinner yet."

Castiel just grinned cheekily up at Dean, leaning in for a kiss. "I'll make dinner tonight then," he promised.

Dean grinned back, and gave him a kiss on the lips. "Alright, but nothing too complicated. Sam would be pissed if I let you overwork yourself."

"How does lasagna sound?" Castiel suggested. "And you can assist me so I don't overwork myself." He smiled.

Dean nodded. "Sounds good to me," he replied with a smile. "But for now, I think we should make this pie and some lunch."

Castiel nodded, pecking Dean's cheek before moving back to his task, his hair and neck and cheeks covered in flour.

Dean had to take a moment to just stare at Castiel, before returning to the pie crust. He wanted to take a picture, but there was no way he was going to touch his phone and get flour all over it.

Castiel finished slicing the pears and apples. "All right, need any help with the crust?" he asked, looking at the other. "You've gone some flour on your cheek." He smirked.

Dean stuck out his tongue. "I'm almost done with the crust. And it's your fault I have flour on my cheek."

Castiel just chuckled, leaning across the counter to kiss his cheek, tongue darting out to lick the flour off.

Dean stilled, then turned to stare at Castiel with wide eyes, cheeks slightly red.

Castiel bit his lip slightly. "Sorry," he muttered, unsure how Dean had taken that.

"No no, it's fine, I just... Didn't expect that." Dean smiled, then raised a brow. "That couldn't have tasted good though..."

"There was some sugar mixed in, so it didn't actually taste that bad." he murmured, cheeks red and still feeling a little embarrassed.

Dean chuckled softly as he went to put the pie crust to rest in the fridge for a while. "Yeah, sure. I'm pretty sure the filling for the pie will taste a lot better though."

"Of course," Castiel smiled, stealing a slice of apple and popping it in his mouth. "What are you planning on doing for lunch?"

"I have a few ideas, but I don't know. You have any suggestions?" Dean poked Castiel on the forehead for stealing a slice of fruit, before grabbing a clean bowl to put the fruit in.

"It should probably be a light lunch, since we have pie as well." Castiel mused. "How does sandwiches and soup sound?"

"Grilled cheese and a simple tomato soup?" Dean mixed in the rest of the ingredients for the filling with the fruit.

"Sounds delicious," Castiel smiled.

Dean smiled and nodded. "It's nice to have company in the kitchen."

"I agree," Castiel murmured. "You're a good cook." he smiled at the other, leaning over to ruffle Dean's hair with his hand, flour still on it.

Dean huffed, but his smile grew wider. "I'll have to take another shower after all this. All because of you, you shit."

Castiel just smiled. "Hey, I'll have to get a shower as well, you know." he chuckled, pressing a kiss to Dean's cheek.

Dean grinned, and turned to place a kiss on Castiel's forehead. "True."

Castiel smiled, and pecked Dean's lips. "I'll make the grilled cheese, you make the soup?" he suggested.

"I can get behind that, yeah," he replied with a smile.

"Good, because I make a mean grilled cheese." Castiel smiled, going to the fridge to pull out what he needed.

Dean laughed softly. "Now you have to live up to what you're saying," he commented, and put a bit of plastic over the bowl with the pie filling.

Castiel smiled. "Where do you keep your pans?" he asked, as he pulled out butter, cheddar cheese, and a loaf of bread.

"Over there," Dean said and pointed, as he looked through a cupboard. He grabbed the can he was looking for. "We'll have to make do with canned soup - with a bit of stuff added, of course. That okay with you?"

"Sounds fine to me," Castiel replied, pulling a frying pan out of the indicated cupboard and smearing butter on it, before starting to slice the cheese.

"Alright." Dean nodded as he opened the can. He grabbed a pot from the same cupboard as the pan, and poured the soup in it before placing it on the stove.

Castiel started making a few grilled cheeses, making four just in case. He put the first one on the pan, letting it cook, before slowly working on them one at a time. Once he had finished, he opened them and put some sliced tomatoes in between the layers of cheesy bread.

Dean added some spices to the canned soup to give it more flavour. It wasn't hard work, just needed to stir it often to keep it from burning at the bottom. "You want to go fetch Sam?" he asked. "Or maybe shout at him is easier."

"I'll get him, the sandwiches are done," he replied, turning off his burner and wiping his hands on his apron, before heading upstairs to get Sam.

Sam looked up when Castiel knocked on his door. "Jeez, did you and Dean cover the kitchen in flour or something?" he asked, getting up.

"We engaged in a fight with the flour, yes." Castiel replied, making his way back downstairs.

Dean had removed the pot with the soup from the hot plate on the stove when he deemed it done, and taken out the chilled dough from the fridge. He tried to be quick about fixing the pie so he could put it in the oven while they ate, but was still stood there putting it together when Castiel came back with Sam. He had completely forgotten about the handprints on his ass.

"Oh god, Dean!" Sam groaned when he saw the two handprints on Dean's ass. "I was in the house, really?"

Dean blinked, and looked over at Sam. "What do you mean... Oh. My ass. That's on Cas, not me."

"Both of you," Sam made a face, getting three bowls out of the cabinet for the soup. "You give me shit for Jess, I can give you shit for Cas. Technically, the hickey on my neck is on Jess, you know."

Dean grinned and nodded. "That's true, that's true," he said. He finished putting the pie together, and put it in the oven.

Castiel snorted, and put one sandwich on the plate for each of them. "There's an extra too, if anyone wants it."

"Give it to Sammy. The squirt needs it if he wants to grow," Dean mumbled while he focused on pouring soup in the bowls.

Sam stuck his tongue out at Dean, but took the extra one anyways, taking his bowl of soup from Dean. "So what were you guys baking, since you're all covered in flour?" he asked.

Castiel served himself as well. 

"Apple and pear pie," Dean grinned, taking his own plate and bowl. "And Cas - he threw flour at me for fun."

Sam chuckled. "You two are adorable." he made a kissing face.

Castiel sat down at the table, and said his normal prayer before he began to eat. "Let me know what you think of the sandwiches?"

Sam bit into his first one. "Wow! These are really good!"

Dean rolled his eyes and grumbled something about 'and your face isn't', before taking a bite of his own sandwich. "Mmh, you really weren't lying when you said that you make mean grilled cheese."

Castiel smiled happily. "I'm glad you like it," he replied, eating his lunch. When he had finished, he sat back, looking tired again.

Dean finished about the same time, and looked over at Castiel, seeing the tired look. "Hey, why don't you go take a nap?"

Castiel nodded. "I'm going to shower first though," he replied with a yawn, getting out of his chair and taking his dishes to the sink before making his way upstairs.

Dean watched him go, before taking his own dishes to the sink and looking around. Cleaning the kitchen would keep him occupied for a while.

Sam looked at Dean. "You know, I've never seen you so happy with someone before..." he observed carefully.

Dean looked at him, brows raised. "... What's that supposed to mean?" he asked.

"That I'm happy for you," Sam replied, handing his own dishes over. "I haven't seen you smile like that since Lisa."

Dean grimaced as he took the dishes, and began to tap up water. "If I had known what I know today, I wouldn't have been so enthusiastic about her," he grumbled. "And I did tell him he could do better, but he didn't run at the chance, so that's good."

"He's liked you since freshman year, Dean, I don't think he'll run anytime soon." Sam replied. "Besides, the only way he could do better would be to date me," he teased.

"Pfft, as if, squirt. Maybe in a few years." Dean nudged Sam's leg with his foot. "But you shouldn't go messing about. Jess would have your sorry ass handed to you on a silver platter."

Sam chuckled. "Yes, she would." he replied. "And I'm already your height, Dean!"

Dean rolled his eyes. "Look at your feet and hands. Obviously, to my eternal pain and dismay, you haven't finished growing just yet. If I'm wrong, I'll just be happy you have hulk hands. At least something I can laugh about."

Sam gave Dean one of his patented bitch faces. "Jerk," he replied, nudging Dean with his shoulder. "So, you ever going to tell Dad about Cas?"

"Bitch. And maybe. I don't know. Gonna test the waters a bit before saying anything, I guess. I have no fucking clue where he stands on... Y'know. Gays and stuff. You know we never talk about stuff like that." Dean shrugged.

"That's true," Sam mused, thinking about it. "Of course, knowing Dad, he could react well or horribly. Depends on how drunk he is, really."

"Best case scenario would be that he's so drunk he just yells something and then falls asleep on the floor, only to wake up and not remember anything." Dean smiled slightly.

Sam snorted. "Y'know, it's sad that I agree." he replied. "Have fun cleaning, and make sure you change your pants before Dad gets home, because those handprints are a little too masculine."

Dean groaned. It really wouldn't be fun getting caught by your father with a man's hand prints on your ass. Cleaning wasn't fun, either. "Yeah, fun."

Sam just grinned, and made his way upstairs. He came back downstairs after a minute. "Just so you aren't surprised, Cas is asleep in your room." he informed the other. Castiel had been so tired after his shower he just stumbled into the nearest room, which so happened to be Dean's.

Dean blinked, then shrugged. "Alright." As long as Castiel was sleeping and not snooping around in his drawers without permission, he really couldn't care less about Castiel being in his room. The pie was taking out of the oven, and left to cool, while he finished cleaning the kitchen and doing the dishes.

Sam helped Dean clean up the kitchen, and then retreated to his room with a call of "Let me know when the pie's ready!"


	7. The Righteous Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILERS**
> 
> Castiel and Dean share a hot and heavy make out session after Castiel wakes up, but when John arrives home absolutely wasted, Sam pulls Castiel away from the situation. Drunk and upset, John takes his anger and frustration out on Dean, leaving him with broken ribs. Sam and Castiel call an ambulance, and Castiel tells Dean about his newest paintings to distract him from the pain.
> 
>  **MAJOR TRIGGER WARNINGS**  
>  Alcoholism, child abuse, detailed description of child abuse. READ THE SUMMARY IF THESE EVENTS TRIGGER YOU.  
> (If you want to read the make out session, then stop when John arrives at the house)

Castiel padded downstairs a few hours later, looking guilty. "I'm sorry, I seemed to have ended up in your room." he admitted. "I didn't touch anything but the bed, though, I promise."

Dean smiled from where he sat on the couch, watching the news on the TV. He had showered and changed clothes during the time Castiel had been asleep. "It's fine. I'm pretty sure you weren't even aware of where you went. You were so out of it you didn't notice me going in there and getting clean clothes."

Castiel joined Dean on the couch. "Yeah, when I get tired it just...hits me." he chuckled, a faint blush on his cheeks.

Dean wrapped an arm around Castiel's shoulders. "It's fine, Cas, it's fine," he said. "You're better than some other people I know."

Castiel leaned into the touch, happy. "How did the pie come out?" he asked.

"It turned out awesome. Want me to go get you a slice?" Dean kissed the side of Castiel's head.

"I'd like that," Castiel replied, turning his head to peck Dean's lips.

Dean returned the kiss, before standing up and heading to the kitchen. He came back with a slice, handing the plate and fork over to Castiel before sitting back down.

"Thank you," Castiel smiled, saying a quick prayer before trying it. His eyes widened. "Wow, this is...I've never had pie like this before. This is delicious," he smiled.

Dean smirked, chest puffing out slightly with pride as he put his arm back around Castiel's shoulders. "Awesome."

Castiel leaned into Dean, finishing his pie as they watched the news. He set the plate and fork on the coffee table, head resting on Dean's shoulder. "Anything else you would like to do?" he asked. "Before I make dinner?"

Dean drew lazy circles on Castiel's arm with his index finger. "I don't know. Can't think of anything... Maybe just relax for a bit. Enjoy each other's company."

Castiel nodded. "Sounds fine to me," he replied, his own finger doodling slightly on Dean's thigh.

Dean smiled and closed his eyes with a soft sigh. He could get used to this.

Castiel smiled, and his hand started working out some tension in the other's thigh as they relaxed. He shifted slightly, pressing his lips against Dean's in a soft kiss.

Dean hummed in appreciation, melting slightly under Castiel's touch. He happily kissed back, and reached up to run his fingers through Castiel's hair.

Castiel smiled into the kiss, parting his lips and flicking his tongue along the seam of Dean's lips.

Dean let himself smile before momentarily sucking on Castiel's bottom lip, then let go and parted his own lips.

Castiel gasped and trembled as Dean sucked on his lower lip, slowly probing Dean's mouth with his tongue, a little unsure but drawing on his memories of when Dean explore his own mouth.

Dean made a soft noise, keeping still and letting Castiel try it out in peace. He rubbed the other's shoulder with his thumb in a soothing way.

The noise encouraged Castiel, and he slowly explored the roof of Dean's mouth, their tongues sliding together. He pulled back with a nip to Dean's lower lip as he broke the kiss to breathe, keeping their foreheads together.

Dean looked at Castiel with a slightly breathless smile. He played a little with the short, dark hair, liking the feeling of it under his fingers.

Castiel smiled back, his on hand resting on the back of Dean's neck. "Was that okay?" he asked softly.

Dean's smiled widened. "It was. It was absolutely fine," he murmured, moving to place a soft kiss to Castiel's nose, then pressed their foreheads together again.

Castiel smiled happily, closing his eyes as he basked in the feeling of being so close to another person, to Dean especially. He softly started to press kisses to the corner of Dean's lips, working down his stubbled jaw.

Dean chuckled softly and shifted slightly. He enjoyed this kind of attention; it was a hundred times better than any cheering from a crowd. He closed his eyes as he hummed softly.

Castiel made his way down Dean's neck, nipping gently at the skin there as his hands explored Dean's sides through his shirt.

Dean continued to play with Castiel's hair and run his fingers through it, and let his free hand fall down and rest on Castiel's lower back. He swallowed softly and tilted his head slightly to the side.

Castiel parted his lips and gently began to suck over Dean's pulse point.

Dean let out a slow, shaky breath, and splayed his fingers wide over Castiel's back.

Castiel continued to kiss and suck at Dean's neck, noticing how much it was affecting him. His own body arced into the touch that Dean was giving him.

Dean stopped playing with Castiel's hair, and let his hand down to also rest on the other's back. He loosely grabbed at Castiel's shirt as he let out a pleased sigh.

Castiel smiled, and kissed back up Dean's neck and jaw, having left a hickey low down on Dean's neck that could be easily covered. When he reached Dean's lips, he kissed them gently.

Dean happily kissed back, pulling Castiel closer to himself. He loosened his grip on the shirt, and slowly rubbed Castiel's back.

Castiel tilted his head to the side, offering the other his neck as he shifted so he was a little more comfortable, ending up basically straddling Dean.

Dean leaned in to nose at Castiel's neck while wrapping his arms around him. Then he began to kiss up and down the length of Castiel's neck, occasionally just dragging his lips over the skin.

Castiel let out a shaking breath, shivers shooting down his spine at the kisses. He let out a soft noise as Dean found a particularly sensitive spot.

Dean tightened his hold around him, and pressed his tongue against the sensitive skin, before gently sucking on it.

Castiel let out a breathless moan, trembling in Dean's arms.

Dean smiled against the skin, slowly easing off and then kissing his way over to the other side of Castiel's neck.

Castiel was breathing faster than normal, eyes closed as he just enjoyed the feelings, of being held, and the lips pressed against his neck. Without warning, he started to cry softly; this was all so new, the affection, the touches without any pain, only pleasure. In a life that had left him stranded, he had finally found someone who cared, and it touched him more than he could ever express.

Dean froze, then straightened himself up to look at Castiel with wide eyes, panic written on his face. "C-Cas? What's wrong?" he asked quietly, staring at Castiel's face, trying to figure out what was wrong.

"N-nothing... Nothing's wrong!" Castiel laughed through his tears, hugging Dean tighter. "Nothing's wrong. Nothing's hurting, nothing's going wrong." he buried his face into Dean's shoulder, smiling and crying at the same time. "It's just....I've never had that feeling before..."

Dean felt so confused, but held Castiel tightly anyway, not wanting to let go. He thought about it as he listened to Castiel cry, but couldn't figure it out. "W... What feeling...?" he asked carefully.

Castiel thought about it for a few moments, trying to put a name on it. "Safety." he finally settled on. "And just...being touched, and not being hurt..."

Dean let it sink in, and while he no longer felt confused, he felt bad. "Gosh..." he mumbled.

"Thank you." Castiel whispered. "Just...thank you. I..." he had to swallow back what he was about to let slip. While in his mind, he knew he wanted to say it, he didn't want to pressure Dean, who had just started talking to him a few days ago and had already given him more than he could dream of, into feeling like he had to say it if he wasn't ready. "I'm really glad you noticed me."

Dean made a small noise, and rubbed Castiel's back soothingly. Castiel had wormed his way into his heart faster than anyone else, and it hurt to hear him say thank you for something that you shouldn't have to say thank you for. "Me too," he mumbled. "Me too, Cas..."

Castiel slowly calmed down in Dean's arms, looking up at the other, a soft, tender look on his face as his fingertips traced the line of Dean's jaw. "I'm sorry." he whispered. "I'm not going to lie, this is probably going to be a difficult relationship for you. And I'm sorry for that."

Dean kind of wanted to laugh at that. If anything, he believed Castiel was the one in for a difficult relationship. He held his tongue though. "It's fine. If it's too easy, it wouldn't be worth it," he replied. "It's going to be alright."

Castiel gave him a soft smile. "Thank you," he whispered, kissing Dean softly on the lips. He pulled away when they heard a car pull in, not wanting John to discover them in such a compromising position.

Dean gave Castiel a quick kiss on his temple, then stood up as the door opened. "Hey, Dad," he called out. He felt nervous when he didn't get an answer, and heard his father head into the kitchen with heavy steps.

Castiel remained seated, eyes cast down at the ground as Dean moved away. Sam poked his head out, and motioned for Castiel to come upstairs, which he did. It would be better to keep the other boy, already fragile, away from John while he was drunk.

Dean sent both Sam and Castiel an apologetic look as he gathered the plate and fork from the coffee table, and then quietly moved over to the kitchen, doing his best to not flinch as a cupboard slammed shut.

Sam took Castiel into his own room. "Sorry, it's just..." he sighed. "Dad can get...abusive, when he's drunk, and we don't want to let you get hurt worse."

Castiel flinched slightly. "Will Dean be okay?" he asked softly.

"He'll be okay," Sam replied. "He'd be worse if it's me or you taking it. He tries to shoulder this, since he feels like it's the best way to protect the family. We may need a first aid kit, though."

Dean plastered on a smile like he always did when his father was like this. It might save them all at least a little bit of trouble. He went over to the kitchen sink to wash up the dishes, ignoring the burning stare. He hoped that John wouldn't shout today.

John sat by the table, working through a bottle of whiskey, staring at his son. It didn't take long until he stood up, and started slurring, his volume gradually growing until he was yelling. He only paused to take a swig of the bottle.

Dean said nothing, tried to keep still while his father shouted abuse at him. Being quiet still angered his father, but not as much as talking did. He said nothing as he was grabbed by the collar, then braced himself for the beating he knew would come after the bottle had been dropped and shattered on the floor.

Castiel remained stock still on Sam's bed, hearing everything through the thin walls, eyes closed.

Sam looked worried, and the moment the glass shattered he left the room. Dean would be furious at him, but he couldn't just let Dean take this all on himself. He made his way downstairs, and into the kitchen. "Dad! We have someone over!" he pleaded, noting the bruise that was already forming on Dean's jaw. "Please, don't stress Castiel out any more. We offered him a place to rest, remember? He can hear everything."

Dean glared at Sam, knowing that he'd told him countless of times to stay in his room, no matter what. He gasped as he was ungracefully dropped to the floor. He didn't hear if there were any cracking sounds or not as he hit the floor, his own pulse deafening him, and nhe could barely feel where John had been punching him before Sam came.

John grumbled under his breath, and staggered into the living room, almost slipping on his own mess on his way out of the kitchen. He slumped into an armchair, and stilled.

Sam immediately moved to Dean's side, wanting to get the other upstairs before checking him over, just in case John changed his mind. "Cmon Dean," he muttered, helping the other up. "Cas and I will look you over, it's all right."

He helped his older brother slowly up the stairs, and into his room. Castiel's eyes widened and he rushed to Dean's side, immediately checking his heart rate and breathing. "Dean?" Castiel murmured, voice clearly worried.

Sam slid out of the room to retrieve their first aid kit.

Dean looked at Castiel, having to think for a moment. "Hi," he mumbled. "Sorry about this, didn't think he'd start so early this time..." he started to slur at the end. He wiped his mouth on the back of his hand, seeing blood. Apparently he'd bitten his cheek or something. He couldn't feel much. He grabbed onto Castiel's shoulder. "Shock," he mumbled.

Castiel bit his lip as he tried to think. "What hurts?" he finally settled on. "Where did he hit you?" Castiel had more than enough experience dealing with physical injuries, and knew how to treat most of them.

Dean looked at him with wide eyes, and shrugged slightly at the first question. Then he pointed at his jaw and his middle. He didn't really think of being dropped as being hit, so he left that out.

Castiel nodded, and gently prodded at Dean's jaw, making sure nothing was broken. "Just bruised," he told him, before shifting. "I'm sorry, I have to see," he murmured, lifting Dean's shirt and hissing in sympathy at the bruised sides. He started gently prodding at Dean's ribs, watching the other's face as he worked, judging from his reaction how bad it was.

Dean was clenching his teeth behind closed lips, his brows knitted together. He tried his best to keep a straight face and keep quiet, believing that it was better to let Castiel think it wasn't that bad than to admit that it did hurt. His tailbone was starting to ache, and so did the back of his head.

"Dean, please let me help you," Castiel murmured. "I can tell you're trying to keep a straight face, please..." Castiel's voice cracked slightly at the last word, worry seeping through. 

Sam returned with the first aid kit, and went to Dean's other side. "How's your head? You hit it pretty hard when he dropped you," Sam asked.

Dean had forgotten for a moment that he now had two sets of hands ready to poke and prod until he gave in. He was going to sigh, but his breath hitched from the pain that the expanding of his chest caused. He opted for smaller takes of breath. "It's starting to hurt," he said, still unable to let his face fall.

Castiel probed a little more. "We need to get you to a hospital, they're broken." Castiel murmured, eyes locked on Dean's face.

Sam nodded and grabbed his phone, dialing 911.

Dean huffed in frustration, and immediately regretted it. He made a pained noise before gritting his teeth, wanting nothing more than to curl up and hide. He really didn't want to go to the hospital. "When one comes out, the other goes in..." he muttered, going for funny but failing miserably.

Castiel shifted, his hand stroking Dean's hair away from his face. "I'll be right there, like you were for me, I promise." he whispered, lacing their fingers together and giving Dean something to hold onto.

Dean stared at Castiel. He thought back to earlier, when Castiel had said that Dean would have a difficult time with this relationship. Again, it made him want to laugh. "We need to come up with an explanation..." he said quietly.

"Stairs," Sam murmured, having gotten off the phone. "It would explain why a football player broke some ribs, since you wouldn't really with much else."

Dean nodded. "Good thinking, Sammy," he said. He started to feel dizzy from taking such short, careful breaths, and the splitting headache that was gradually making itself known.

"We'll have to get you downstairs," Sam murmured. "Cas, can you help?" 

Castiel nodded, helping Sam support Dean as they got him up. "Dean, stay with me, okay?" he told Dean. "I stayed with you, you stay with me."

Dean grinned tiredly as he gripped tightly onto their shoulders. To him, the situation was funny, even if the other two wouldn't understand why. "It's kind of impossible to go anywhere without help right now," he joked. He put on a brave face as they slowly went down the stairs.

When they got downstairs, Castiel's eyes narrowed as he saw John, pure anger on his face.

John was slumped on the armchair in an uncomfortable way, but different from before. He was holding a new bottle in his hand and the TV was on. He was oddly quiet, as if he was asleep.  
Dean felt sick, but didn't say anything.

Sam and Cas both helped Dean to the kitchen and settled him at the table. Castiel refused to move from Dean's side, so Sam went and got a trash can and some water, just in case.

Dean placed one hand on his stomach and the other on the table, trying to be as still as he possibly could. "This sucks...."

Castiel looked so worried. "You'll be okay," he murmured, his own head throbbing, but ignoring it.

Dean looked at him. "You... You look like a husband in a delivery room," he pointed out. "Breathe. Don't worry."

Castiel let out a short laugh, his head hurting more and more, but trying to ignore it. 

Dean grinned slightly, counting Castiel's laugh as a victory. "Laughter is the best medicine, they say..."

Castiel just kept that smile on his face, having to sit down as the room started to spin. "Anything I can do?" he asked.

"Just... Talk to me," Dean mumbled, wanting to desperately take a deep breath, but knowing it would hurt too much. "And keep calm. It'd be bad if you... Collapsed or something."

Castiel nodded, taking a deep breath himself. "What...what should I say?" he asked.

"Anything. Anything. You just gotta keep talking. Just give me something- Something to focus on."

"Okay..." Castiel desperately tried to think of something, anything to say. "Um, I'm planning a new painting sometime soon, and the sketches are looking really nice so far....you're the inspiration again, I hope you don't mind..."

Dean looked at Castiel. He felt vulnerable, but Castiel needed to see in case he started to lose focus and nod off or anything like that. "I don't mind. Not at all. Mind if I ask what it's about?"

Castiel kept his eyes on Dean, one hand coming up to hold the other's, and also keeping two fingers where he could keep track of Dean's heart rate. "Um, so far it's an angel, the one in the other paintings, and he's the one being saved by a Righteous Man."

Dean blinked. The blink was slow, even to him. "Righteous Man? I'm guessing that... That's where I come in... But. Righteous Man? Really?"

Castiel flushed slightly. "It's after someone in a story my mother used to tell me. The first time I read the bible, I was terrified of the apocalypse. She told me not to worry, that a Righteous Man would come and save the people who deserved to be saved."

Dean nodded slowly. "I see, I see... That's kind of the opposite of what I was told. My mother always used to say angels were watching over me."

Castiel chuckled. "The irony...my mother always called me her angel." he murmured, eyes on Dean.

Dean grinned slightly, and caught himself before his head fell forward, straightening up. "Yes, that is very ironic."

Castiel moved to help support Dean. The ambulance arrived not much later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, it's Cinder. Sorry about the late update, we both had hectic days. Uke apologizes for the lack of art this week, her drawing had a mishap with some water.
> 
> We'll be back on Wednesday with more!


	8. Jess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILERS**
> 
> Dean gets taken to the hospital and patched up for his broken ribs. Castiel refuses to see the Winchesters return to John's care,so he invites both of them over to his house so he and Dean can recover in peace. He also discusses with Dean about gaining custody of Sam, to which Dean is reluctant. Without a ride, Sam calls his girlfriend, Jess, and she meets them to take them to Castiel's
> 
>  **TRIGGR WARNINGS**  
>  Hospitals, references to an abusive parent, injuries as a result from an abusive parent.

Dean groaned in pain when the paramedics came and moved him. Everything turned hazy, and he didn't know if he was still holding Castiel's hand or if someone else had taken his place. He was too busy answering the tons of questions thrown at him to actually check. Sam and Castiel both climbed into the ambulance, having no other way to get to the hospital.

Castiel kept his grip on Dean's hand, and only let go when he was forced to. A few hours later, and he and Sam were let into Dean's room. Castiel looked exhausted, but he didn't want to sleep until he was sure Dean was all right.

Dean's bed had been adjusted so that he was half sitting, and he was not happy about being in the hospital. "Hey, you guys okay?" he rasped. "You look like you've seen a dead guy...."

"We're fine," Castiel replied, his face breaking into a relieved smile. "And how are you? The doctor didn't say much."

"I'm pumped on pain meds, and let me tell you, it makes life a bit better." Dean flashed them a grin.

Sam laughed, and pulled up a two chairs for them. "How many broken ribs?" he asked

Castiel sat down and took Dean's hand, lacing their fingers together. He was so tired, he could barely think straight, but was comforted by Dean's presence. Dean was quiet for a moment, gently squeezing Castiel's hand. "... Gosh. I'unno. Four, five? Might've just been three. I wasn't listening very well. Didn't need any surgery though, so it's not that bad."

Sam shook his head. "He get's worse and worse every year..." he muttered.

"Come to my house this week, both of you," Castiel offered.

Dean frowned. "Cas... You don't need to," he mumbled. "You have enough to deal with..."

"I can't spend this entire week afraid that your father might kill you. It's no trouble." he replied, leaning into the bed, his eyes shutting. Dean's frown deepened, and he looked over at Sam, raising a brow as if to silently ask what he thought about this.

"It's probably the best idea. Now both you and Cas need lots of rest, the last thing we need is Dad trying to hurt you guys more." Sam replied softly. Castiel was already asleep, leaned against Dean's bed.

Dean sighed softly, and looked down at Castiel. "... I suppose you're right. But you know, this means you'll have a lot on your hands..."

"He's asleep." Sam murmured. "He was on the verge of passing out when they called us in."

"I know, I was talking to you." Dean chuckled, but it was humorless. "I bet Cas will be stressed. Unable to relax..."

"He'd be worse if we weren't." Sam replied. "He was worried out of his mind today, look at him."

Dean sighed heavily, and looked at Sam. "... I guess we're crashing at his place, then."

Sam nodded. "I'll go home and pack us some bags, Cas is staying here with you."

Dean furrowed his brows. "How will you get home?"  
"I called Jess, her mom is taking me."

Dean relaxed, and nodded slowly. "Good."

Sam's phone went off with a text. "They're here, I'll be back soon, okay?"

Dean nodded again, then smiled. "Tell them I said hi, and keep out of the way when you get there."

Sam nodded and smiled, leaving the room. Castiel was slumped in an awkward position, though his fingers were still laced with Dean's. Dean looked down at Castiel. He knew the position couldn't be comfortable, but he didn't have the heart to wake him up just yet.

Castiel woke half an hour later, sitting up with a grimace. Dean smiled softly. "Hello there. Decided to join the world of the living, again?"

"M sorry..." Castiel murmured, letting go of Dean's hand to stretch. "So, are you going to take up my offer?"

"Yeah. Sam's at home, grabbing some stuff. He called Jess, got a ride," Dean said.

Castiel smiled. "Good." he replied, hand finding Dean's again. "It's no trouble, really."

Dean looked down as he gently squeezed Castiel's hand. "... I don't like needing help, is all. Especially not when I'm supposed to help others."

"Dean, we're friends, and...boyfriends. We help each other, that's what we do," Castiel murmured. "If I couldn't help you, I'd feel like I was just taking advantage all the time."

Dean glanced quickly at Castiel, then nodded slowly. "Alright... It'll be a bit hard though. I'm not allowed to do a lot of stuff."

"I'm not either," Castiel chuckled softly. "But that's okay. Sam can help us too," he pointed out.

"I know, I know... I just feel guilty. Sam should be focusing on homework and being a kid..." Dean mumbled.

"Sam told me you were the one taking the brunt of your Father's abuse." Castiel murmured quietly. "You're doing that to make sure he has those things."

Dean quietly looked over at Castiel. "... Sam's my reason for everything. There's not a thing I wouldn't do for him. Not a single thing." He smiled.

Castiel returned the smile. "Get some rest, and let angels watch over you," he murmured.

Dean smiled a little brighter, and closed his eyes. Some rest sounded good. Castiel smiled, and sat back in the chair, studying Dean's relaxed face as he slept.

Dean woke up a few hours later, feeling a bit disoriented as he opened his eyes and looked around. Castiel was asleep against the bed again, and Sam was in a nearby chair, their bags on the floor and a bunny rabbit from Jess and her family on the counter. "Morning sleeping beauty," he chuckled.

Dean blinked, then furrowed his brows and pursed his lips. "Well hello to you to, Rapunzel," he grumbled. "Did everything go well?"

"Dad was passed out, I got in and out no fuss." he replied. "Jess and her Mom got you this cute little bunny." he snickered.

Dean took a good look at the bunny and groaned. "I was hoping that was for you. Dang."

Sam chuckled. "No, but Cas got you a hickey, apparently?" he teased.

It took Dean a minute to realise that Castiel had actually given him a hickey. "... Shit. I forgot about that..." He scratched his nose awkwardly, slightly embarrassed.

Sam snickered. "I couldn't resist. You're free to go whenever you feel up to it, by the way."

Dean perked up at this, and turned to Castiel. "Hey," he said, patting and poking Castiel's hand. "Wake up."

Castiel shifted and blinked his eyes open, sitting up abruptly. "Yes?"

Dean grinned at him. "Sammy said that I can leave. So. Let's leave this place."

Castiel smiled. "How will we get to my house? Dean cannot drive like this."

"Jess' mom said to call her when we left, so she'll give us a ride," Sam replied.

"... Okay, I forgive her for the bunny. She's awesome. ... But isn't she gonna ask why we're not going home?" Dean raised a brow. He grimaced as he moved to sit on the edge of the bed.

"They know about this week," Sam mumbled. "It's not actually that surprising."

Dean's face fell completely. "Well, crap... Let's just hope they don't put two and two together," he said quietly, before carefully getting off the bed.

"Dean, you are eighteen, correct?" Castiel asked, standing nearby to help Dean up.

Dean raised a brow, placing a hand on Castiel's shoulder for support. "Uh, yeah. Why?"

"You could file for custody of Sam," he pointed out softly.

Dean swallowed and closed his eyes. "I know."

"So why don't you?" he asked softly.

There were so many things Dean wanted to say, but his body refused to form the words. "... I'm scared I won't win that fight," he said so quietly he wasn't even sure he'd said it out loud.

Castiel's face softened, and his hand slid around Dean's waist, careful of the bandages. "If it means anything, I think you would." he whispered. "Let's get home," he murmured a little louder. Dean only nodded, not feeling the need to talk as he kept his head down. He grimaced as they started moving, but soon found a posture that didn't hurt when he walked. Sam and Castiel helped Dean out of the hospital and into the parking lot, where Sam started looking for Jess and her mom.

"Hey! Sam! Over here!" a voice called out. Jessica was waving at them from where she stood by the car. Dean thanked the lord that Sam had gotten a helpful and anything but shy girlfriend, who was willing to make a bit of noise.

Sam waved back, and started to help Castiel get Dean to the car. "Jess, this is Castiel, Dean's boyfriend." he introduced quickly.

Castiel's eyes found Jess', in his unblinking stare. "Thank you for your assistance. It's a pleasure to meet you."

Jess blinked, and looked at Castiel. "You're Dean's boyfriend?"

Dean huffed, then winced. "Can we panic over my newly revealed yet never hidden sexuality later?"

Jess found her manners, and smiled. "It's nice to meet you too, Castiel," she said, then turned to help them get their bags and themselves into the car.

Sam helped Jess load the bags as Castiel helped Dean into the car,Castiel giving Jess' mom directions to his house as he kept and arm around Dean's back. Jess' mom paid full attention to Castiel's instructions, and didn't start driving until she was sure everyone was buckled up. Dean was thankful that she drove carefully, and that she wasn't asking unnecessary questions.

Sam was talking to Jess in a low voice in the very backseat of the van, and Castiel just kept close to Dean, giving him something to brace himself on for the bumps. Dean kept his hand on Castiel's thigh, squeezing it whenever they went over a bump or made a turn. He whispered apologies after each squeeze, knowing that he might be leaving marks. Castiel couldn't care less, and he told Dean that. They arrived at his house a few moments later.

"Sam, help me get him to my bedroom. None of the other beds are made up, so he can take mine." he turned to look a Jess and her mom. "Thank you both, for everything."

Jess' mom smiled softly. "It's nothing. I'm just happy to help those boys. And if you need any help, just call and I'll do my best to help."

Jess gave Castiel a gentle pat on the shoulder. "Sam's friends are my friends. You're welcome."

The two bid them all good bye and insisted that Sam called them later to tell how things were going, before driving off. Castiel and Sam took Dean into the house, Castiel leading them to his bedroom. It was very clean and tidy, his art supplies along one wall with the rest of his belongings neatly put away in dressers. His bed was perfectly made, and Castiel pulled back the covers before helping Dean settle in.

Dean grumbled. He didn't have much strength to resist two people, and just went along with it. He was not happy though. "I can't believe you're putting me in your bed instead of putting me on the couch."

"Shush." Castiel replied. "You need proper rest."

Sam chuckled.  
"So do you!" Dean protested.

"I still need to make up the other beds," Castiel replied. "You need this bed more than I do at the moment."

Dean gave them both a look to tell them that even if that was the case, he still wasn't happy, then reluctantly dropped the last of his resistance. Castiel kissed his forehead. "Sleep, I'll let you know when the other beds are made, all right?"

"Alright..." Dean mumbled, looking at Castiel.

Castiel kissed Dean's lips, careful of his bruised jaw. "Call if you need anything, all right?" he murmured before leaving to fix up the spare beds he had.

Sam let out a low whistle. "Wow."

Dean narrowed his eyes at his brother. "What now?"

"I just don't understand, now that we know him, why people don't like him." Sam replied. "He's...the embodiment of a good person."

"Because people are fucking asshats, and I wish I could go punch them all in the face..." Dean grumbled.

"Hey, calm down." Sam replied. "Get some rest, before Cas gets stressed out that you aren't resting." he got up, and went to see what he could do to help Castiel out. Dean felt bad, but he couldn't help it. The pain meds had worn off. He closed his eyes and did his best to rest.


	9. Scars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS**  
>  The Winchester brothers are at Castiel's house. Castiel brings Dean dinner in bed, then falls asleep. In the morning he helps Dean to the bathroom and into the tub. It gets a little awkward, Castiel feeling a bit hot and Dean feeling embarrassed. After the bath, they have breakfast with Sam.
> 
>  **CONTENT/TRIGGER WARNINGS**  
>  Scars from self harm, mention of past self harm.

Castiel made up the two extra beds he had, and went to make dinner for all three of them, with Sam's help. Dean managed to relax a little bit, but he couldn't sleep. Especially not after taking a few deep breaths, which he had to do every hour. Instead he tried to listen, see if he could hear what the other two were doing.

Castiel came into the room an hour later, a tray with some lasagna on it for Dean. "I promised I would make you lasagna, remember?" he murmured, offering it to him.

Dean managed a small smile, which disappeared as he moved to sit up properly. "Ah... It smells really good," he replied, carefully taking the tray and setting it on his lap.

Castiel smiled, and sat next to him carefully. "You feeling okay? Need anything else?" he asked, concern and exhaustion on his face.

Dean looked down at his food. He felt so guilty - the week was supposed to be about Castiel. He smiled anyway. "No, I'm fine," he replied, and took a small bite of the lasagna.

Castiel smiled softly, and lay down on the bed next to Dean, eyes closing shut as he fell asleep. Dean ate quietly, trying to keep himself from sighing when he looked at Castiel.

Castiel was completely out for the night, not waking again until the morning, when he shifted and realized he was curled up against someone else. It took another few moments for it to register that it was Dean. Dean was in a light slumber, his breathing not as slow and heavy as it should be. The tray was placed on the nightstand. Castiel stayed still, not wanting to disturb the other, and relaxed into the arm that had been put around him.

It didn't take long for Dean to wake up. He tried to yawn, but ended up groaning and then coughing. Not the best way he'd ever woken up. Castiel sat up, hair mussed with bedhead. "Hey, you okay?" he asked, helping Dean into a sitting position so he could breathe.

"Hurts," Dean rasped. He ached all over, and his chest felt swollen. He'd need to put ice on that he thought.

"I'll get you your painkillers and some ice," Castiel replied, getting out of bed. "Just concentrate on breathing."

Dean shook his head. "Just ice. Not supposed to take painkillers. Could make the bleeding worse if..." his voice trailed off at that. "... Just ice."

Castiel nodded, and went to the kitchen, fixing a large ice pack and bringing it back. "Lay down," he instructed, laying the ice pack over his bruised sides.

Dean didn't have the energy to protest, and carefully lay down on the bed. The ice was cold, but it was much better than the agonizing pain. Castiel tended to him gently, humming a soft, gentle hymn as he worked. Dean loosened the grip he didn't know he had on the covers, his breathing evening out slowly.

"A little better?" Castiel asked, his hands finding Dean's shoulders and starting to massage them gently.

Dean nodded slowly, his muscles tense from the pain. "Yeah... Thanks…"

"Of course." Castiel replied softly, his hands working to try and ease at least some of the tension from Dean's muscles.

Dean closed his eyes, willing himself to relax slowly. Though, in the calm of the moment, he noticed that his skin was damp, sticky. "Shit," he grumbled, tensing up again.

"What's wrong?" Castiel asked, frowning with worry.

"I'm disgusting. I need a shower," he muttered.

Castiel bit his lip. "I have a bathtub, you shouldn't stand by yourself for too long. I...I can get Sam to help you," he offered, not sure how comfortable Dean would be with Castiel helping him, naked, into a bathtub.

Dean grunted. He wasn't so fond of the thought that Sam would have to see his brother's privates, so he rather that Castiel helped him, even though it might be too early in their relationship. "I can cover myself with a towel while you help me pull down my pants and briefs. Some stuff you just don't let your siblings see."

Castiel swallowed and nodded, blushing slightly. "I...I'll go start the water, and be back." he whispered.

Dean nodded. Maybe it was wrong of him to prefer Castiel's help. If it was, he'd hate himself later, because right now he just wanted a bath. Castiel came back after a few minutes. "Okay, it's just across the hall," he murmured, helping Dean out of the bed and moving with him slowly towards the bathroom.

Dean bit back a frustrated sound. He hated this. "... I think it'd be better if I slept sitting up. Makes it easier to get up..." he said as they entered the bathroom.

Castiel nodded. "I'll set something up while you're in here." he murmured. "And me being in the bed with you probably didn't help either... I'm sorry,"

Dean shook his head. "No, it was fine. It didn't do much other than being another source of warmth."

Castiel couldn't hide his smile. "All right, let me help you." he murmured, helping Dean get his shirt off. His breath caught as he saw the muscled torso of the other, and he turned a bright red. He didn't exactly pay attention the last time, more concerned about Dean's well-being.

Dean's cheeks turned slightly red as he saw the look on Castiel's face. "... What?" he asked quietly, dropping the shirt to the floor. 

Castiel slowly reached his fingertips to touch them to Dean's chest. "I.. You're beautiful." he murmured, looking up at the other with wide blue eyes.

Dean swallowed awkwardly and gave him a tight smile. "I'm slightly bigger because of the swelling..." he said, looking down at himself. Swollen and bruised. How was that attractive?

Castiel just swallowed, and moved away, slightly embarrassed. He handed Dean a towel to cover himself. "Um, just...let me know if you need help." he muttered, cheeks redder than they had ever been around Dean.

Dean nodded, unbuttoning his jeans and pulling down the zipper before taking the towel. He held it in front of him as he pushed down the jeans and briefs at the same time. Thin, almost invisible lines were scattered over his thighs. He managed to somehow wriggle out of his bottoms, then toed off his socks. "... Uh. Done."

Castiel nodded. "K-Keep onto that towel." he stammered, carefully slipping his arm underneath Dean's to help him into the bathtub. Now that he had witnessed John's drunken outburst, he really wasn't surprised at seeing the pale scars over the other's thighs.

Dean had a grip of steel on the towel, and hissed through his teeth from his body being stretched as he was helped down into the tub. "Son of a bitch," he said breathlessly as he was sat down.

"Are you okay?" Castiel asked.

"Yeah, just... Got a bit stretched, there," Dean mumbled. "Damn, haven't had a bath in years... This is nice."

Castiel smiled softly, and kissed Dean's forehead. "Call if you need anything, okay? And when you need help getting out." he let himself out of the bathroom then.

Dean hummed softly. He shifted carefully when Castiel went out of the bathroom, and folded the towel. He put it behind his head and leaned back. The water felt heavenly, and he washed himself slowly, not bothering to shampoo his hair since he showered twice the day before. It didn't take long before he closed his eyes and fell into a light slumber.

Castiel was busy making breakfast for all three of them, occasionally having to sit down and overcome dizzy spells. When he finished, he knocked on the bathroom door. "Dean? I made breakfast, whenever you're ready to get out, okay?"

Dean woke up when he heard the knocks, and furrowed his brows. He wondered how long he'd been asleep. "I'm ready whenever you feel like helping my fat ass out of here," he replied.

"Your ass is not fat," Castiel replied. "One minute, I'll be back."He moved away and stripped his own shirt off, blushing. It would be easier helping a wet Dean out of the tub without soaking one of his dress shirts (which were really the only ones he owned). He knocked on the door again. "Ready?"

"As ready as I'll ever be," Dean said, bringing the towel from behind his head, readying it for when he would need it to cover himself.

Castiel opened the door and let himself in, cheeks red. "It's just....sorry, I can't wash most of my dress shirts easily..." he blushed, moving to help Dean up.

Dean tried to not stare, but for a moment he couldn't do anything else. He shook his head to snap out of it. "It's fine, it's fine," he said. Now that he was more relaxed, getting out of the bath was a lot easier, even if it still hurt. He shivered as he stepped out of the bath.

Castiel was shivering at so much of their bare skin touching, and he swallowed and handed Dean a towel, grabbing one for himself. "Sorry, I know it's strange..." he mumbled. The self harm scars extended up his arms and over his shoulders, and there was a sigil of some sort carved into the majority of his chest. There were even more peeking up from his waistband, scattered over his hips and sides.

Dean looked at him, and nodded. "It is. No reason to deny it. But, I don't really care," he said honestly. "We all have our ways to deal." He dropped the other towel after he wrapped the new one around himself. He took a good look at Castiel's chest. "... It actually looks kinda cool, to be honest."

Castiel chuckled darkly "I used a box cutter to carve an angel-repelling sigil into my chest, because I believed I had been abandoned by God when my mother died. It wasn't my proudest moment."

Dean licked his lips nervously, thinking of something to say. "... A repelling sigil, huh? You gonna use it to keep other angels' paws off me?" he mumbled in an attempt to be funny, stepping closer so he could nose at Castiel's cheek and temple.

Castiel just flushed a little darker, and he leaned into the touch. "Quite possibly," he whispered, turning his head so he could kiss Dean on the lips.

Dean smiled softly, and happily kissed back. "Castiel Novak, angel in a trenchcoat," he said in a soft voice.

Castiel gave Dean a soft smile. "Thanks." he whispered, slowly easing his arms around the taller teen's neck, kissing him again. Dean blinked in confusion at being thanked, but turned his focus to being kissed instead.

Castiel broke the kiss, cheeks still red. "Um...you should get dressed..." he murmured, it registering that Dean was naked and he was shirtless.

Dean flushed and wrapped the towel tighter around himself. "Yeah... Uh. Where did Sam put my stuff?"

"I'll grab it for you," Castiel murmured, ducking out of the bathroom and returning with Dean's bag. "Um...I'll be in the kitchen when you're done, unless you need help."

Dean turned red. "Uh... Maybe you could... With my underwear... Like, just pull them up to my thighs or something...?" he asked quietly.

Castiel flushed again, and nodded. "Okay..." he whispered, taking a pair of briefs out and bending down, hands shaking as he held them open for Dean to step into.

Dean kind of felt like a girl, covering himself up and trying to keeps his legs closed. Which was useless when you were a guy and had bowlegged legs like his. Carefully he stepped into the underwear. "I'm sorry..." he mumbled, feeling sorry for Castiel.

"It's all right," Castiel whispered. He was achingly hard in his own jeans, but didn't want to admit it. He carefully slid the briefs up Dean's legs, hands lingering slightly at the pale lines on his thighs. He impulsively leaned in to press a gentle kiss to one of the larger ones before pulling back.

Dean kind of stilled, and stared down at Castiel. No one had really done that before, and it caught him off guard. He mentally shrugged it off as quickly as he could, and reached down to pull up his underwear the rest of the way, relaxing slightly as he didn't need to cover himself any longer.

Castiel looked embarrassed, and shrank back. "I...I'm sorry." he apologized, looking like he was expecting to be yelled at. "I just....I know how it is, and..." he swallowed hard.

Dean stared, and then shook his head. "No, no, it's fine, I just... Didn't expect it," he mumbled.

Castiel let out a shaking breath, slowly looking up at Dean. "I just...I'm sorry, but I feel so comfortable around you, and I don't know what's okay and what's not okay." he admitted. "I'm just not good at...people."

Dean looked at Castiel quietly. "... That's fine, Cas. We learn through trial and error. Same with people. Everyone reacts differently to different things and to different people." He shrugged slightly. "I'd tell you if I wasn't okay with something, if you do the same."

Castiel nodded. "I...I'm going to put a shirt on now." he murmured. "And I'll be in the kitchen."

Dean offered a small smile. "I'll be there as soon as I'm ready..."

Castiel nodded, and returned the small smile before leaving the bathroom. Dean grabbed a t-shirt and sweats from his bag, and after a lot of struggling with finding a good method to dress himself with minimal pain, he exited the bathroom and went to the kitchen.

Castiel was dressed in a new dress shirt, and he was making plates of bacon, eggs, and pancakes. Sam already had his, and was drenching the pancakes with syrup.

"Morning, Sam," Dean greeted as he looked at his brother, then went over to Castiel to watch him.

"Morning Dean. How are you doing today? Castiel was redder than a tomato when he came into the kitchen." Sam chuckled.

The words made Castiel flush again, and he handed a plate to Dean.Dean smiled, and kissed Castiel on the cheek before taking the plate. "I'm good. And he had to help my fat ass into the bath. That's all."

Castiel smiled at the kiss, and took his own plate, sitting down and saying his usual prayer before meals. Sam laughed. "Suuuureee that's all that happened," he teased.


	10. Out of the Closet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILERS**
> 
> Castiel and Dean return to school, and Castiel is greeted by Alistair. Alistair taunts Castiel, and for once, Castiel stands his ground. He riles up Alistair into admitting he has a crush on Dean, and is left unconscious against the lockers. Sam and Dean find him there, but luckily he is all right. Dean and Castiel have to put with with shocked stares and disbelieving students for the rest of the day, but they have a pleasant lunch together until Cassie accuses Castiel of being nothing more than a bet to Dean.
> 
> **Trigger Warnings!**
> 
> Bullying, physical violence to the point of knocking someone out, discrimination, and hurtful slurs.

The week passed by with little excitement; Castiel was getting better, and he didn't have to sleep as much as each day passed. He did tend to fall asleep curled up with Dean every night, much to Sam's enjoyment, since he got to relentlessly tease his older brother about it.

Now Monday had come again, and Castiel was getting ready for school. He would meet up with the Winchesters at the school, as Jess' mom had taken them home the previous night. And he was excited; hopefully, with someone like Dean as his boyfriend, others would start to talk to him and realize that he wasn't just the strange queer in the corner. Things immediately started to take a turn for the worse when he arrived at school, however. Alistair found him before Dean or Sam did.

Alistair had kept his eyes out, and as soon as he saw his chance, he took it. He approached Castiel when no one was around to stop him. The beating that Castiel had gotten the last time he saw him should've taught him a lesson, but apparently it hadn't. "Hello, Castiel," he said in a sickly sweet voice.

Castiel tensed. "Leave me alone, Alistair." he replied, voice hard.

Alistair clicked his tongue sadly. "Now why would I do that? After all, it appears that we have... Unfinished business with each other."

Castiel steeled himself for the beating he knew was coming, and turned to face Alistair. "Go and suck Uriel's dick." he replied, knowing that he was going to pay for that remark.

Alistair paused, then he started chuckling, which eventually turned into laughter. "Don't put me in the same, pathetic box as you," he said, and stepped in front of Castiel. "You've already done that to poor Dean... Poor Dean, who got his ribs broken soon after he invited you into his life."

Castiel stood his ground, eyes narrowed. "Oh, you're in the ‘Same pathetic box’," he replied. "But you can't handle it because the guy you want is interested in someone else."

The corner of Alistair's mouth twitched. "I have no idea what you're talking about, sinner. I'm not like you," he said, voice lower than before.

"Leave Dean Winchester alone," Castiel growled out. "He's mine."

Alistair glared at him, fists clenching at his sides. "... Not if I can help it," he hissed, drawing his arm back and punching Castiel straight in the jaw. Castiel reeled back with the hit, but this was just Alistair, no Zachariah or Uriel. So he retaliated, ducking the next punch and going for Alistair's sternum, landing a solid hit. Alistair stumbled back with a gasp, pressing a hand to where he was hit. He glared at Castiel, his body almost shaking with anger. He threw another punch, aiming for Castiel's chest but his fist connected with his shoulder instead.

Castiel was thrown back into the lockers, and pain shot up from his tailbone. He was frozen with pain for a few moments. Alistair took the opportunity and pressed his forearm diagonally against Castiel's shoulder and throat, trapping him against the lockers. He practically growled as he leaned in close, their noses almost touching. "Even if I can't make you budge, there's no promising Dean won't give in..." he whispered, pressing his arm a bit harder against Castiel.

Castiel was gasping, trying to breathe. "He won't." he whispered out. "Already said you were a creep."

"Well, I could probably convince him, but then again..." Alistair smiled slowly. "There's always the option of 'if I can't have him, no one will'. And no one will be any wiser as to what might've happened..." His smile turned into a grin.

Castiel felt a spike of fear go through him. "You touch him, and I will not hesitate to kill you," he gasped, head starting to swim. Where the hell was Dean or Sam?

Alistair laughed. "You? Kill me? How cute," he mocked. "You're pathetic compared to that other guy, what's his name? Lafitte? Now that guy, I wouldn't have laid a finger on if he was still here. You? You're nothing. You can't hurt me."

Castiel used the last of his strength to knee Alistair in the crotch before he passed out from the lack of air. Alistair stumbled back, letting go completely and hurried off awkwardly while groaning in pain, leaving Castiel passed out against the lockers.

Meanwhile, Dean was frowning as he looked around. He had just arrived at school with his brother, and he couldn't see Castiel anywhere. "You think he even came to school, Sammy?" he asked. He was hurting all over, and the worry from not seeing his boyfriend just made it worse.

 

"Of course he did," Sam replied, just as worried. "He might be hiding, he does that to get away from..." Sam trailed off, eyes widening. "Oh no..." he whispered, dropping his bag and rushing down the hall, where a small gathering of students had appeared.

Dean felt himself turn cold as he saw Sam take off. This reminded him too much about when he'd found Castiel after Uriel had... He moved over to get a look at what had happened, wincing as he had to push someone out of the way to get through. His stomach dropped when he saw Castiel slumped against the lockers

Castiel was slowly waking up as Sam patted his cheeks. Unlike the last time though, his eyes were in focus and he was moving. "Dean?" he asked, looking over at the younger Winchester. "Sam...where's Dean?" he asked, worry in his voice.

Dean swallowed as he went over. "Cas, hey, I'm here..." He slowly moved to kneel down beside Castiel, ignoring the pain.  
Relief broke over Castiel's face. "Dean...Alistair says he's going to try and convince you away, and if he can't have you, no one will." he murmured, to the surprise of the crowded students.

"Hold up!" Someone called out. "Are you two...together? Dean Winchester and that freak?"

Dean frowned at Castiel's words. That really didn't sound good, even though he wasn't sure just how Alistair would manage to do that... Though, he was vulnerable right now. Anything could happen. He turned to glare at the crowd. "You got a problem with that, punk? You're going to have a go at me, too?" he growled, challenging them to test his limits. At first the crowd was silent, then they started mumbling unsurely between themselves.

"That's sick," someone dared to say, causing the others to turn quiet again.

Sam's face hardened, and he stood, all 6 feet of him trying to shield Castiel and Dean. "What's so wrong with it?" he challenged. "What is so wrong with people caring about each other, making each other happy? I didn't even think it was possible for Castiel to smile until I got to know him, and does this make my brother any less of a person than he was before? He is the same person."

The person who'd said it sputtered and seemed to almost shrink, face turning red in shame. The others looked at the floor or at each other, not daring to make eye contact or even look at the three boys that they'd gathered around. Dean felt himself swell with pride over his brother’s act. He reached down to grab Castiel's hand, not caring that everyone saw. Castiel squeezed Dean's hand softly, slowly getting up from where he had crumpled against the lockers.

Sam was looking around the crowd. "Why are you still here, if you're just going to sit and stare?" he asked. The crowd guiltily began to scatter and hurry off in different directions, some quicker than others.

Dean groaned as he stood up, then turned to Sam with a grin. "Sammy, my man. You sure showed them."

"They're dumbshits," he replied simply, going back down the hall to retrieve his backpack where he had dropped it. "Besides, someone has to protect your sorry ass," he grinned at Dean.

Castiel was standing by Dean, their fingers laced together. Dean laughed, awkwardly pressing his arm over his ribs. "That's true," he replied, gently squeezing Castiel's hand.

"Well, I'm going to find Jess before class starts. Keep away from Alistair, both of you," Sam smiled, going his own way down the hall.

Castiel returned the soft squeeze, and looked up at Dean. "What's your first class?" he asked.

"English," Dean replied, giving him a small smile. "You don't need to go with me, if that's why you're asking... I'll be fine."

"No, it's not that," Castiel replied. "I just...aren't couples supposed to walk each other to class?"

Dean blinked, then laughed again, only stopping when the pain got too much. "You're just too adorable," he murmured. "If you want to, we can walk together." He smiled.

Castiel was confused when Dean laughed, but smiled when he realized what it was about. "I would like to," he replied, a soft smile on his own face. 

Dean smiled a little wider. "Shall we go, then? No use in wasting any time, especially not while I move like an old man."

Castiel chuckled, and started walking with Dean, their hands interlocked and ignoring the stares they got from the people who weren't part of the crowd earlier. Dean was happy that the only thing they got was stares. That, he could ignore. He found himself relaxing more in Castiel's presence, his ribs hurting slightly less.

When they got to Dean's class, Castiel leaned up to press a kiss to Dean's cheek. "Meet me at the bleachers for lunch?" he asked softly.

Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel and pulled him into a hug. "Sounds good... Try to go with the big crowd. Less risk of getting caught up with bad guys."

Castiel nodded, hugging Dean back before pulling away, a bright smile on his face. "See you then," he replied, ducking off into the crowd. Dean smiled and waved slightly as he watched Castiel walk away, then went into the classroom to grab a seat.

Castiel got through his first few classes with only a few names called, and was shoved into a locker on his way to his math class. But when lunch came, he slipped outside to his spot underneath the bleachers, waiting happily for Dean to show. The punch to the jaw Alistair had given him earlier had bruised, but he couldn't care less.

Dean was glad that he'd only gotten stares from the other students, and some whispers behind his back that questioned if the rumors were true. News spread fast in a school. It was a relief to get outside to the bleachers without any trouble, and he waved at Castiel when he saw him. "Hey, Cas," he said as he got up close, then frowned as he saw the bruise. "What the...?"

Castiel tilted his head quizzically, before it hit. "Oh, this." he murmured, touching his jaw. "It's a welcome back present from Alistair." he replied, shifting to give Dean room to sit next to him.

Dean carefully sat down. "From Alistair? Wow. For being such a skinny ass, he sure packs a punch..." He looked at the bruise with a worried expression.

"If it makes you feel better, I punched him in the sternum and kneed him in the groin." Castiel replied, shifting so he was leaning slightly against Dean.

Dean chuckled, and wrapped an arm around Castiel. "That's my boy," he said, smiling.

Castiel smiled and blushed slightly at the compliment, eating his sandwich. "It was strange being in bed by myself last night." he murmured. "I got so used to sleeping with you."

Dean nodded, and thought back on the day before. "Yeah... It was strange. A bit chilly, too." He tried not to rub his hands over his ribs.

"How are your ribs?" Castiel asked, looking up at the other. "Do you have a lunch?" he frowned slightly.

"I have lunch, don't worry. I just don't have much of an appetite right now." Dean sighed. "My ribs hurt."

Castiel finished half of his sandwich before setting it down, shifting so he was behind Dean and starting to massage his shoulders. "You should go to the nurse, get an ice pack." he murmured.

Dean hummed softly at the touch, shoulders slowly relaxing. "Yeah... We'll see. Right now I just want to sit here with you," he mumbled.

Castiel pressed a kiss to the back of Dean's neck. "After lunch, promise?" he murmured, kissing Dean's neck again.

Dean hummed again, his eyes closing. "Yeah, I promise... I'll go after lunch."

Castiel smiled, and continued massaging Dean's neck and shoulders until the muscles were limp under his hands. "Little better?" he asked, shifting to peck Dean's cheek before picking up his lunch again.

"Yeah," Dean answered with a smile, and grabbed a sandwich from his bag. He took a bite, and chewed slowly. "... I wonder what Alistair's thinking," he said quietly, more to himself than anyone else.

Castiel was quiet for a moment. "He can suck Uriel's dick." he decided. "And I told him such. I also told him if he touched you, I would kill him."

Dean almost choked on his sandwich, then wheezed. "Oh my God," he gasped. There was an amused look in his eyes.

Castiel looked at Dean. "Did I do something wrong?" he asked nervously, although relaxed when he saw the amusement.

"No. Just. You told him to go suck Uriel's dick. He must've been pissed." Dean grinned.

Castiel smiled back. "Oh he was. But then he admitted his creepy crush on you, so win-win?"

Dean made a gagging noise. "Ew. But yeah, I guess you're right. Now I know that I need to avoid him."

Castiel nodded in agreement. "How have you held up today? I know being pointed and stared at aren't what you normally get."

Dean shrugged slightly. "I think they're just taking advantage of the fact that I have broken ribs. Some people don't even believe that we're together. They think it's just rumors."

"It is a little much to swallow," Castiel pointed out. "Remember, I thought you had lost a bet the first time you talked to me. People just don't interact with me."

Dean grimaced. "Yeah... Hopefully that will change. I'm tired of people disrespecting you," he grumbled, wrapping his half eaten sandwich and putting it back in his bag.

Castiel leaned back and placed gentle kisses on Dean's jaw. "Just having you and Sam is enough for me, to be honest." he admitted.

Dean smiled weakly. "But it's good to have friends... One day you might get fed up and just want to be with someone else for a day or two."

Castiel huffed a laugh. "I can try, but I'm sincerely doubting that anyone else will give me the time of day."

Dean shrugged. "Give it time. I'll show them how great you are," he said, wrapping his arm around Castiel and pulling him close. He smiled.

Castiel smiled up at Dean, leaning up to press their lips together. "Thank you," he murmured against Dean's lips, content and happy at school for the first time in his life.

Dean smiled too, and returned the kiss. "You don't need to thank me, Cas," he replied, reaching up with his other hand to caress Castiel's cheek.

Castiel leaned into the touches, relaxing happily into the more muscled football player. "I do." he murmured, trailing gentle kisses along Dean's jaw.

Dean chuckled softly, refraining from shaking his head. "You took care of me when I should've taken care of you. So really, there's no need to thank me."

"We took care of each other," Castiel retorted. "You didn't have to stay up with me the nights I woke from nightmares."

"You almost elbowed me once. Of course I had to look out." Dean grinned and winked. "I really didn't mind, though. I could barely sleep anyway. Was nice having something to focus on."

Castiel smiled softly, nosing at Dean's neck and nipping at the skin. "Wonder if a hickey will help dispel the rumors..." he murmured, a teasing lilt to his voice.

Dean couldn't even pretend to not be interested. "You want to mark me? Show'em that I'm yours without saying a word?" he mused.

Castiel smiled, and ran his tongue over the skin, finding a spot where Dean's breath hitched and latched on, sucking gently to bring a mark to the surface.

Dean closed his eyes, making a soft noise as Castiel worked on leaving a mark. They should have lunch there more often, he thought. Peace and quiet. No one to annoy them. Just them.

Castiel pulled back with a soft smile, happy with the dark mark he had left. "You know, this could have come from any girl," he murmured, baring his own neck for Dean. "Why don't we clarify who it belongs to?"

Dean shifted a bit with a grin. "I like the way you think, Cas," he replied, giving Castiel's cheek a quick kiss. Then he began to kiss up and down the skin of Castiel's neck. He nipped at a spot, making sure it was a good one, before pressing his lips against it and sucking gently.

Castiel let out a shuddering breath, trembling slightly at the sensations. He clearly loved his neck being kissed, and he whispered Dean's name reverently as he worked.

Dean couldn't help himself. With the way Castiel reacted to his kissing, he couldn't just leave one mark. As soon as he was done with the first, he looked for another weak spot, and latched on as soon as he found one.

Castiel let out a soft moan, eyes closed as he trembled, this place even more sensitive than the first. He was melting in Dean's arms.

Dean sought out a third spot when he was done with the second, this time lazily sucking and nipping until a smaller and paler mark had formed. When he let go, he stayed still, letting his breath caress the skin.

Castiel' breathing was heavy, his eyes closed and pleasure etched on his face. "Dean..." Castiel whispered, the name rolling off of his tongue clearly reverent and loved.

Dean had to close his eyes and take a deep, painful breath to compose himself. When he opened his eyes, he straightened up to place a soft, chaste kiss to Castiel's lips. "I'm sorry, I might've over-done it..."

Castiel gave him a soft, affectionate smile. "I enjoyed it," he whispered softly. "Besides, imagine all the heads that will turn now. Asstiel Nerdvak with three hickies on his neck"

Dean couldn't help himself. He laughed despite the pain, and lifted a brow. "Asstiel? Seriously?” He shook his head. "What are they, five? Jeeze," he mumbled, leaning his head on Castiel's shoulder.

"Most of their mental ages, yes." Castiel chuckled, leaning his own head against Dean's, closing his eyes happily. "I like it when you kiss my neck though. I like it a lot." he admitted.

Dean hummed softly, smiling. "I'm glad you do... Because I like it too. You say my name so sweetly."

Castiel's cheeks turned a little pink, and he kissed the top of Dean's head sweetly. The bell rang only a few minutes later, and Castiel frowned. "I guess we have to go now. You head straight to the nurse, all right?"

Dean groaned. He didn't want to go to the nurse, but he guessed he didn't have much choice. "Yeah, yeah. I will," he answered as he grabbed his bag and carefully stood up.

Castiel leaned up to kiss Dean quickly on the lips, and grabbed his own bag, taking Dean's hand and lacing their fingers together as they walked back inside, Castiel's neck and the hickey on Dean's immediately drawing stares and whispers.

Dean shot dark looks at anyone who dared to point at them, but didn't acknowledge the rest. Whispers and stares he could take, but the pointing was annoying. He gently squeezed Castiel's hand, and didn't say anything until they got closer to the nurse's office. "I'mma turn here. Get some ice. See you after class?"

Castiel nodded, leaning up to press a kiss to Dean's cheek.

"Uh, excuse me?" Cassie, one of the cheerleading Captains, commented. "What the hell are you doing to Dean Winchester?"

Dean blinked, and looked over at the cheerleader. He furrowed his brows. "... Uh- Is there a problem here or something, because I can't recall having or seeing one."

"That little fag is all over you Dean," she replied. "Get him off or something, gross."

Dean stared at her, tensing up and clenching his teeth. If she hadn't been a girl, he would've punched her. He squeezed Castiel's hand, refusing to let go. "So, you have a problem with two dudes being together? Aren't there more important things to worry about?"

"Yeah, when one of them is Dean Winchester." she replied. "How far do you have to go to win a stupid bet to make him feel like he actually matters?"

The words stung Castiel, and he looked down towards the ground, clearly wanting to disappear.

"It's kinda funny, really, because I get the feeling that you don't mean a shit to me, so why should I care about your ignorant opinions?" Dean pursed his lips and lifted a brow. "And what makes you think I there was a bet in the first place? Trying to make yourself feel better by telling lies?"

"Who else would talk to him," she waved her hand at Castiel "Without there being some bet? And especially pretending to actually care about him?"

Castiel just looked so humiliated.

"You're a fucking dumb bitch," Dean hissed, ignoring the gasps in the background. "You spend time gossiping and spreading false rumors with your pretty little bimbo friends and chase after dumb jocks who only cares about having a bigger dick than everyone else. You don't know anything but easy sleazy. You know nothing about me, and you know nothing about my boyfriend. So fuck off!" Maybe he overdid it, just a little. He couldn't bring himself to care when everything hurt and just looking at people made him pissed beyond belief.

Her eyes widened in shock, at everything Dean had said. The insults, and how protective he was over Castiel.

Castiel was a little in shock too, looking at Dean as the entire hallway fell into a hushed silence.

"You'll regret ever talking to me like that," she hissed, turning and walking away.

"Yeah. Move your petty little ignorant ass away from me," Dean muttered under his breath, pressing his free arm against his ribs.

Castiel looked worried. "Are your ribs okay?" he asked softly, being the first one to break the stunned silence.

Dean forced a smile. "Almost hurting as bad as her pride," he mumbled. "Which... Yeah. Is a lot."

"Come on," Castiel slipped his arm under Dean's, giving him something to lean on. "We're getting you to the nurse now."

Dean leaned against Castiel and nodded. "Yeah..." He obediently walked with Castiel to the nurse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, Cinder here. If you don't mind spoilers, head over to cinderxuke.tumblr.com to see the beautiful artwork that Uke drew for me for Valentines day! It shows Dean and Castiel in the far off future (we're estimating there will be two full 200k fanfics out before the moment drawn). And no names yet! :p
> 
> Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter :D
> 
> ~Cinder


	11. Coffee Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILERS**
> 
> Dean is given some ice by the nurse to soothe the pain of his broken ribs. At the end of the day, Zachariah doused Castiel's trench coat with a grease gun during auto shop, so they take it to a dry cleaner's to save it. While they wait for the coat to be cleaned, they decide to get some coffee and get to know each other a little better.
> 
> TRIGGER WARNINGS 
> 
> Bullying

Nurse Adams looked up from her desk. "Wondering when I was going to see you in here, Dean." she replied. "Bobby Singer let me know you broke four ribs?"

Dean blinked. "... Yeah, that's true," he answered. "So... Do you have something that could help?"

"A bed and a really big ice pack," she replied. "Castiel, mind helping Dean over here?" she asked. "Didn't know you two started being friends...or a little bit more." she cocked an eyebrow at the sight of the hickies on their necks.

"Well. Everyone else is too busy thinking I'm out to get him, or that he is out to ruin my reputation. Or both," Dean grumbled. He let himself be helped to the bed to lay down.

She clucked her tongue. "I don't understand teenagers," she replied, fixing up an ice pack. "All right Winchester, shirt up." she directed, and laid the ice pack over Dean's ribs when he complied. "Don't you have a class to get to, Novak?"

Castiel shifted. "Um, yeah....I'll see you after school then, Dean?"

Dean bit back a gasp at the cold, and couldn't help but shiver. "Yeah, see you after school... Text me if something comes up, yeah? Keep out of trouble." He looked at Castiel with a small smile.

Castiel returned the small smile, and grabbed his bag, turning and leaving the office.

In auto shop, his last class of the day with Mr. Turner, Zachariah grabbed him and forced the grease gun against the back of Castiel's neck, grease dripping down his back. "That's for Alistair, and just wait until after school. We'll get you good for what you did to Uriel." he hissed.

Castiel immediately excused himself and left, changing into the spare set of clothing he kept just in case something like this happened. He shot a quick text to Dean. "Any way we can stop by a dry cleaners after school? I need to save my trench coat."

Dean blinked as he got the text, for a moment forgetting all about the math that he was supposed to do. The trench coat was one of Castiel's most prized possessions, and he wouldn't willingly let anything happen to it. "I guess we could. What happened to it?" He texted back, quickly putting away his phone when the teacher looked his way.

"Zachariah took great pleasure with a grease gun," Castiel replied back.

"You mean that ugly friend of Uriel's? Ugh. I don't get what their problem is. I'll try meet up with you as soon as possible after school."

Castiel cracked a smile. "Thank you, Dean. I changed clothes, so I only smell slightly like grease. I won't get your Baby dirty."

"Oh boy, you'd be in big trouble if you did get her dirty. You're welcome Cas. Just be careful, alright?" Dean couldn't help but worry.

"I'll try. I'll meet you by Baby after school, all right?"

Castiel ended up leaving class five minutes early to get out to the parking lot before Zachariah or Alistair could catch him in the hall. He was being teased for being "naked" since his trench coat was bundled in his hands, and he clearly was nervous not having it on. It was one thing to not have it on around Dean, but another to be around anyone else. It was his security blanket.

Dean wanted to get out as quickly as he could after class, but had to stay for a moment and just breathe after someone gave him a 'friendly' slap to the back. He had no clue as to why, since he never spoke to the guy, but he didn't want to think much of it. He grabbed his bag and carefully made his way through the corridor to the exit, hoping that no one else dared to touch him. Another guy bumped into Dean on his way out. "Sorry Winchester." he said. "Hurts like a bitch?"

Dean had to bite his tongue to not let out a pathetic whimper as he pressed a hand against where it hurt the most. "Y-yeah," he replied. People were unusually clumsy, or maybe he'd never noticed that people were so touchy before. He gave Dean another "friendly" pat on the back before slipping into the crowd. Dean gritted his teeth. Despite his better judgement, he hurried the rest of the way, doing his best to avoid people. He let out a small sigh of relief as he got outside to the parking lot and went over to Castiel.

Castiel frowned. "Are you okay?" he asked.

"Either people are more hands on than I thought, or they're out to get me,"Dean replied as he unlocked the car. "Two pats on the back and a bump. Jeeze."

Castiel frowned slightly. "I'm not sure if that's normal or not," he replied.

Sam came up a minute later. "Hey, Jess invited me to her house for dinner, so I'll be there, all right Dean?"

Dean nodded, and put on a smile for Sam. "Alright, Sammy. Promise to call if you need anything, alright?"

"Yeah!" Sam smiled at Castiel before taking off to meet Jess.

Castiel slid into the passengers seat, trench coat bundled in his lap and letting out a sigh of relief; he was with Dean, and neither Alistair or Zachariah had found him. Dean sat down in the driver's seat, and just sat there for a while. "Man... This day has been weird," he stated, and looked over at Castiel.

Castiel looked back at Dean. "It's been relatively normal for me. I am sorry," he murmured.

Dean grimaced. "It's not your fault. You haven't done anything wrong." He placed a hand on Castiel's thigh, and squeezed it gently.

Castiel looked down. "It's because of me," he said quietly.

"Not if you ask me. Their lousy behavior is their responsibility," Dean said, and started the car.

Castiel placed one of his hands over Deans and squeezed it gently. "Thanks. For everything."

Dean wrinkled his nose. "Don't thank me yet. That... Scene today probably will end up causing more trouble than it was worth," he murmured, focusing on the road as they left the parking lot.

Castiel looked down. "Sorry about the smell." he murmured. "And everything will be all right. We have each other." 

Dean managed a small laugh. "I don't mind the smell, hon. I was just expressing distaste in my own actions... Yeah, I hope you're right. I just hope we don't pull Sammy and Jess down with us if something happens..."

Castiel froze. "Did....did you just call me hon?" he asked softly.

Dean blinked as he progressed what Castiel just asked. Then he blushed. "I... Y-yeah. I think I did. Didn't even realise I did..."

Castiel quirked a soft smile, leaning over and kissing Dean's cheek. Dean smiled awkwardly and glanced at Castiel quickly. Castiel smiled wider. "Don't be embarrassed. I just... Ever since my Mom died, no one's called me that. It's nice to hear it again."

"Oh. I see," Dean said, stealing another glance at Castiel. "I bet she was a nice woman."

"She was. I wish you could have met her." Castiel murmured. "She would have liked you a lot."

Dean chuckled. "I dunno about that. Most adults think of me as a bad guy. The way I look, that I play football, that I don't have very good grades. Your typical dumb jock."

"You make me happy, and that's why she would like you." Castiel replied simply.

Dean smiled softly. "I suppose you're right... And I'm pretty sure my mom would've liked you."

Castiel smiled. "Don't forget about the dry cleaners please."

"Oh shit- Oh wait, I haven't missed the turn yet- Damn lucky, too. Good thing I have you and Sammy, else my head would've flown off long ago," Dean said as he made sure to turn into the right street.

Castiel chuckled. "If you'd like, I can help you with your homework." he offered.

"Aww, no. I'm embarrassed as it is," Dean pursed his lips. "Thank you, though."

"I wouldn't mind," Castiel replied. "It's no trouble."

Dean bit into his lip. "... We'll see," he mumbled. After a few minutes he finally parked the car outside the dry cleaners.

Castiel leaned over and kissed Dean on the lips. "I'll be right back," he smiled, getting out of the car and walking into the dry cleaners.

Dean wanted to join him, but knew that it was probably better if he stayed. "Alright, Cas." He relaxed against the seat as he watched Castiel disappear through the door.

Castiel came back a few minutes later, sliding into the car. "They'll have it done by the end of the day," he told Dean. "They said they should be able to save it."

Dean smiled. "That's good to hear. Now we just gotta figure out what to do while we wait to pick it up, yeah?"

Castiel nodded. "Well, you're driving. It's up to you."

Dean pursed his lips. "... We could basically do anything," he mused and started the car again, making sure the road was clear before he pulled out of the parking space. "Just you and I."

Castiel smiled and shifted so he was leaning against Dean. "We could go on a date?" he suggested.

Dean smiled, wanting to steal a kiss but not daring to look away from the road. "Sounds awesome. We could get pie and coffee, or maybe see a movie."

"Sounds good to me," Castiel replied happily. "We can go to my old job, I still get free coffee."

Dean grinned. "Even more awesome. Just show me the way."

Castiel smile, and started to direct Dean, his hand rubbing Dean's thigh gently as they drove.

Dean never knew that someone rubbing his thigh could be so relaxing. He drove to Castiel's former workplace and parked the car when they arrived.

Castiel smiled and sat up, stealing a kiss from Dean before getting out of the car, smiling happily.

Dean smiled as he too got out, locking the car and walking around to stand by Castiel's side. "Looks like a nice place."

"I enjoy it, it was a good job." he replied, taking Dean's hand in his as they walked inside.

Hannah looked up, smiling. "Hello Castiel. Who's this?"

"Hannah, this is Dean Winchester," Castiel smiled.

"Nice to meet you Dean, what can I get you?"

Dean laced their fingers together. "Nice to meet you too, Hannah. I'd like a slice of pie and a coffe, please." He smiled.

"Coming right up. And Castiel?"

"Just a coffee, please." Castiel smiled.

Dean patted his pockets, making sure he had his wallet on him for when he needed to pay.

Hannah handed them their coffees and a slice of pie for Dean. "It's on the house, don't worry about it," she smiled when Dean pulled out his wallet.

Dean smiled and awkwardly put the wallet back in his pocket. "Thank you, Hannah," he said.

"Anything for someone as cute as you," she winked.

Dean grinned. "Thanks." He winked in return while gently squeezing Castiel's hand.

Castiel squeezed back. "Thank you, Hannah." he replied, taking Dean over to one of the smaller tables. Dean gave Castiel a quick kiss on the cheek and a smile before they sat down. Castiel smiled, taking his coffee and sipping it. "So...what are you supposed to do on dates?" he asked.

"Well. Basically, you just... Do stuff, preferrably something you don't do often. Like going to the movies, or fancy dinners..." Dean said before taking a bite out of the pie.

Castiel nodded. "I suppose since we are in a coffee shop, we should get to know each other better, yes?"

Dean chuckled softly. "Nice to meet you, stranger, I'm Dean Winchester. I'm an Aquarius, and I like sunsets, long walks on the beach and frisky people."

Castiel laughed softly, eyes locked on Dean's. "Now how much of that is true?" he asked.

"You'll never know unless you're able to hang on until the third date," Dean replied with a flirty wink.

Castiel flushed slightly, and gave Dean a flirty smile back. "From the look of my neck, I'd say that last part is definitely true."

Dean grinned. "Heh. Though, I do like beaches. Me and Sammy used to go live with a family friend during the summers when we were younger. It was only half an hour walk to the beach."

Castiel smiled. "I've never been to a beach," he confessed. "Never really left Lawrence before."

Dean hummed softly. "I guess I'll have to take you on a trip then- when I'm better."

Castiel smiled. "I'd like that. I'd help pay for gas and food," he said quickly.

Dean smiled back. "Don't you worry your pretty little head about it just yet."

Castiel flushed, and looked down at the table. "Um...is there anything you want to know about me?"

Dean shrugged slightly and sipped his coffee. "Anything you're willing to tell me."

Castiel bit his lower lip thoughtfully. "Well, can you give me a topic? It's hard to just say something like "I have a crush on Jensen Ackles" randomly."

Dean raised a brow and smiled in amusement. "Alright... Let's see... Hobbies?"

"I paint, and I study the bible," Castiel replied. "That's basically it, to be honest, apart from school and nursing my wounds."

Dean blinked. "Huh. You study the bible?" he asked, actually feeling a bit curious.

Castiel nodded. "I take the scripture and I try and study it's meaning, and how it correlates to the res of the bible, and to my life."

"Huh." Dean let the words sink in while he took another bite of the pie. "Do you want to work with stuff like that later in life?"

"Possibly," Castiel replied. "Although it will always be a part of my life."

Dean nodded in an understanding way. "Yeah."

"I want to go into painting, to be honest. Although I know that I'll probably starve that way."

"Well wouldn't that be an unfortunate stereotype," Dean mumbled. "Though, I think you should go for it."

Castiel smiled. "Thanks." he murmured. "How about you? Do you like sunsets?" he teased.

Dean smiled awkwardly, and looked down as he spoke. "I do, actually. There's nothing better than driving to a secluded area and sit on the hood of the car, watching the sun go down and then see the stars appear one by one... Or being with family and friends on the beach, gathered around an open fire and looking out over the water."

Castiel smiled, reaching across the table to grab Dean's hand. "I definitely agree," he replied softly. "I like to go outside in the middle of the night and just look at the stars."

Dean glanced down at their hands and then looked back at Castiel, his smile much more relaxed. "The night is awesome... It's kind of like, it's a time when no one judges you or keeps you chained or something... You can just be, without complications."

Castiel was smiling at Dean as well. "It's serene, and let's you forget your own problems while you ponder the beauty that God has given us," he agreed, thumb stroking the back of Dean's hand tenderly.

Dean grinned. "Yeah. The night is truly awesome," he mumbled, not able to look away from Castiel.

Castiel smiled happily, not able to look away from Dean either. He was slowly leaning in, unconscious of the movement. Dean felt a little breathless as he leaned in to meet Castiel halfway to kiss him. Castiel closed his eyes, enjoying the feeling of Dean's lips against his, able to taste the pie and coffee, and loving it. Dean reached up to gently caress Castiel's cheek, feeling completely caught up in the other, not caring about anything else.

Castiel leaned into the touch happily, breaking the kiss to breathe, although not moving away. "We should probably go somewhere a little more private..." he murmured, noticing the glares they were receiving from other patrons.

Dean blinked, and glanced around to them. It made him kind of angry that they dared to look at them like that. "... Oh. Yeah, we probably should..." he agreed. He gave Castiel a quick, chaste kiss before he reluctantly pulled away. Castiel returned the kiss and pulled away, finishing his coffee before getting up, holding his head high under the judging glares from other people. He offered Dean his hand as he stood up, and led the way out of the coffee shop.

Dean took the offered hand without a second thought, and let himself be led outside. He smiled to Castiel as they stood by the car. "Where'd you wanna go? You want to go home and... I mean, home is a lot more private than anything else..."

Castiel gave Dean a slightly shy smile. "That sounds fine. My house?" he asked, a flirty look in his eyes as he slid into the passenger's seat.

Dean returned the smile with a grin, and moved to the other side to climb into the driver's seat. "Yeah, your house," he agreed. He really didn't feel like bringing Castiel to his place after what had happened. He started the car and started driving.

Castiel shifted so he was leaning against Dean again, fingers tracing random patterns over Dean's thigh as he relaxed, humming gently to the song on the radio.

Dean smiled to himself, enjoying the comfortable silence they were in. He stole a kiss from Castiel at a red light, but otherwise kept his eyes on the road until they reached Castiel's home.

Castiel smiled happily when Dean stole the kiss, and pressed a kiss to the underside of Dean's chin in return.


	12. First Touches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Spoilers**
> 
>  
> 
> Dean and Castiel get a little hot and heavy in Castiel's house by themselves, leading to exploring each other's bodies. Once they finish, they decide to take a shower together to rid themselves of sweat and other bodily fluids before going to pick up Castiel's trenchcoat from the dry cleaner's.
> 
>  
> 
> **Trigger Warnings**
> 
>  
> 
> None this chapter. Just some hot and heavy petting and a shared shower.

When they arrived at his house, Castiel got out and unlocked the front door, letting Dean inside. He turned away, taking a deep breath before he undid the first two buttons of his dress shirt, some skin peeking out now. Dean blinked as he watched Castiel turn away, and tilted his head in a questioning way. He walked over to stand behind him, placing his hands on Castiel's waist. "Hey," he murmured.

Castiel placed his hands over Dean's, leaning slightly into Dean's chest. "Hey," he murmured back, pressing a soft kiss to Dean's neck.

Dean smiled softly, and raised his brows as he noticed the newly uncovered skin. He laced their fingers together before wrapping his arms loosely around Castiel.

Castiel closed his eyes, relaxing into Dean's arms, although his heart was pounding in his chest. Dean pressed a gentle kiss to Castiel's temple. "It's nice being alone like this..."

Castiel nodded, a soft smile on his lips at the kiss. "Yes." he murmured in agreement. He slowly started to move, guiding Dean towards the couch, where they could sit down and cuddle.

Dean followed him carefully, not wanting to step on Castiel's heels. He sighed softly as he let go of Castiel so that he could sit down on the couch. Castiel sat down next to his boyfriend, immediately curling up in his arms, kissing sweetly and lazily at Dean's jaw. The older teen smiled as he held Castiel in his arms, caressing his side in slow motions and humming softly in appreciation.

Castiel smiled, appreciating the gentle touch, and kissed Dean's cheek lightly before using his fingers to tilt Dean's head towards his, capturing the others lips in a kiss. Dean willingly let his head be tilted, and he kissed back gently, reaching up with one hand to rest it on the back of Castiel's head. Castiel parted his lips, his hand caressing Dean's neck, and his other hand gently coaxing Dean's hand underneath his shirt.

Dean caught Castiel's bottom lip between his teeth to gently suck on it, while slipping his hand under Castiel's shirt, loving the feeling of warm skin under his hand. Castiel gasped softly, his free hand folding over the others as it explored his torso, starting to shiver slightly. He nipped gently at Dean's upper lip, fingers carding through the short hair. Dean caressed Castiel's naked side and stomach, slowly traveling upwards to his chest. He released Castiel's lip, just to slide his tongue over it.

Castiel let out a shaky breath, and leaned further into the kiss, deepening it, his hand letting go of Dean's and tracing over the muscles in his boyfriend's chest through his shirt, careful of his still-healing ribs. Dean let his other hand fall down and also slip under the back of Castiel's shirt, to run his fingers up and down his spine. He shifted carefully to get a better angle for the kiss, coaxing the others lips enough apart for him to slip his tongue between them, deepening the kiss further. Castiel whimpered into the kiss, parting his lips a little more to invite Dean in further. His hands moved to start unbuttoning the front of his shirt, letting the fabric fall away from his chest and exposing the scars that made the sigil.

When the front was completely open, Dean moved his hands up to Castiel's shoulders, carefully pushing the shirt off his shoulders and down his arms. He brought one hand back to his pale chest, the touch of his fingers ghost-like as he traced the scars. Castiel shrugged out of the shirt, shivering at the barely-there touches. He broke the kiss, panting for breath, eyes closed as he savored the sensations. His own hands slipped underneath Dean's shirt, tracing gentle patterns along his back.

Dean rested his forehead against Castiel's naked shoulder, groaning as he took a too-deep breath instead of a short pant. He continued to trace the scars with his fingers and caressed Castiel's side with his free hand, not minding the hands on his own back. Castiel tilted his head slightly to give Dean room on his shoulder, hands stilling slightly as he traced over one of Dean's shoulder blades. They had shifted so Dean was over Castiel, his legs parted slightly to make room for Dean.

When it felt easier to breathe and it didn't hurt as much, Dean began to place soft, slow kisses on Castiel's neck. He used one arm to keep himself up, his muscles hard and tense, not wanting to accidentally fall onto the other teen. His hand traveled down to the others thigh to stroke it slowly.

Castiel let out a slow, shaky breath, trembling slightly. "Dean..." he whispered, hands moving to explore the front of the others chest underneath his t-shirt

"I've got you, don't worry..." Dean murmured against Castiel's neck, before licking a stripe of skin. "If you need something, you just have to ask..." He found a nice spot on Castiel's neck, and started worrying the skin with nibbles and sucking, wanting to leave yet another mark. Castiel let out a soft moan, one hand trailing down the front of Dean's chest and over his stomach. It dropped down and took Dean's hand where it was rubbing his thigh, and hesitantly, giving Dean the time to pull away, moved it towards the lump in his pants.

Dean swallowed thickly as he removed his lips from Castiel's skin, the beat of his heart drowning out most sounds as his hand was guided towards Castiel's crotch. He let out a small noise as he felt the lump under his palm, his cheeks turning red. Castiel turned red as well, letting out a soft moan as he moved his hand, giving Dean the option to move his hand away, or to continue if he wanted. His heart was hammering in his chest, and the look he gave Dean was one of trust. Dean closed his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath that hurt but helped calm his nerves just a little. He leaned down to rest his forehead against Castiel's, and chewed on his own lower lip as he began to carefully rub his hand over Castiel's groin.

Castiel closed his eyes, lips brushing against Dean's as he breathed. The occasional soft sound escaped his lips, and he fought to keep his hips still and not rush Dean, giving him time to explore and get comfortable. The feeling of palming Castiel through his jeans made Dean feel hot and incredibly nervous. He'd never gone further than kissing a guy. He was scared that he wouldn't be any good, that his boyfriend would stop making those sounds and push him away. For a while he continued to just rub Castiel through his jeans, before gathering enough courage to undo the button with a skillful yet slightly shaky hand.

Castiel's hands had found their way into Dean's hair. "You're doing so well..." he whispered in encouragement, letting out another soft moan as some of the pressure from his jeans fell away as Dean undid the button. "You don't have to go any further than you want to." he whispered.

"Okay..." Dean let out a shaky breath, and nodded slowly, letting the words soothe him a bit. He carefully pulled down the zipper, then let his fingers brush against the bulge, still covered by underwear. Every move he made was slow and careful. He hooked his fingers under the waistband of Castiel's underwear, to lift and pull them down. Castiel's breath hitched, and he lifted his hips slightly to help Dean remove his underwear. His hipbones were prominent against his skin, and he was extremely hard. There were more scars scattered on his hips and thighs, a little deeper than the ones on his arms. The skin was damp with sweat and precome, and Castiel was so nervous, afraid that Dean would be revolted by the sight of him completely unclothed.

Dean slowly raised himself, supporting himself on his other arm instead, movements slightly stilted as it kinda hurt. He nervously licked his lips as he took a good look at Castiel's body, his breath getting caught in his throat as his eyes landed on Castiel's erection. His fingers blindly trailed over the scars as he moved to rest his hand on Castiel's hip, his gaze glued and completely focused on the organ. "... C-can I...?" he asked, his voice hoarse and the word 'touch' unable to leave his lips.

"Yes..." Castiel breathed back in response, his fingers trailing gently over Dean's jaw. Dean nodded quickly, then closed his eyes for a moment before opening them again. He slowly moved his hand over to Castiel's erection, brows furrowed together as he wrapped his fingers around it. Castiel gasped and let out a soft moan, eyes fluttering shut. His erection twitched slightly in Dean's hand.

Dean bit down hard into his lip. He rubbed the head with his thumb, smearing the precome around. Castiel was gasping, his body shaking and hands trying to bring Dean closer. He let out low moans, his hips starting to press into the sensation. Dean tried to resist the hands, but found himself leaning down until their noses brushed against each other. It put a bit more strain on his body, but he said nothing. Slowly, he started to stroke Castiel's cock.

Castiel leaned up and sealed their lips together, hips rocking into Dean's hand as he whimpered, the sensation of Dean's calloused hand against his erection absolutely perfect. He had never been touched like this before, had never had the courage to touch himself this way, so the sensations were new and almost overwhelming. Dean felt as if his heart would burst. The feeling of Castiel's erection in his hand, warm and hard and slightly slick with precome, was weird and yet highly arousing. His clothes were too hot, and his heart, lungs and ribs ached, but all he could do was kiss Castiel deeply as he continued to stroke his erection.

Castiel whimpered. "Dean...I'm about to...about to..." he couldn't finish, as he was pushed over the edge, crying out into Dean's mouth as he came over Dean's hand, spilling onto his own stomach. Dean couldn't help but shudder as he mainly felt Castiel's orgasm, and let out a throaty noise as he registered the warm, sticky feeling on his hand. When he was sure Castiel was done, he retracted his hand and broke the kiss to breathe. Castiel was breathing hard, trying to find himself again. His hand was gently stroking the side of Dean's face. "Wow..." he breathed out, a smile breaking over his face as his eyes opened to look at Dean, affection clear on his face as he kissed the tip of Dean's nose.

Dean let out a soft sigh, relaxing visibly at seeing Castiel's smile. He pressed their foreheads together and smiled softly, placing his messy hand on Castiel's stomach, not caring if he caused more of a mess. "Wow indeed..." he murmured.

Castiel stroked the side of Dean's neck. "Want me to return the favor?" he asked softly.

Dean licked his lips. "Y-you don't have to... I'd be happy with just laying down on my back for a bit," he mumbled.

Castiel nodded, and shifted to sit up. "I...I want to, if you're okay with it," Castiel murmured, cheeks red.

Dean pulled himself up and leaned back, sitting on his knees and feeling exposed even if he was fully clothed. "If you want to, then yeah... You can," he said.

Castiel smiled, almost shyly, and he got off of the couch. "Be right back," he murmured, dipping into the kitchen and returning with a clean stomach and a rag for Dean to clean off his own hand. He then kissed Dean on the lips, coaxing the other to lay back on the couch as he took charge, hands starting to bring Dean's shirt up and off.

Dean tensed up in pain when Castiel helped removed his shirt, and then settled down on his back. He let out a shuddering breath as he glanced down and saw the bulge in his jeans, wondering how Castiel's hands would feel on him. If it felt as great as kissing him.

Castiel ran his fingers gently over Dean's torso, his hands resting on his hips as he sucked another mark into Dean's neck, one hand slowly making it's way over to the obvious bulge, cupping his palm over it and rubbing gently. Dean loosely wrapped an arm around Castiel, his hand splayed wide over the naked back, as he tilted his head back and let out a long moan. His eyes closed and he chewed on his lips. Castiel leaned up and caught Dean's lips in a kiss as he rubbed outside of his jeans for a few moments, before undoing the button and pulling the zipper down. His hand slipped inside of Dean's pants to rub him over his briefs, cupping his balls gently before rubbing the bulge again. It was different than his own Dean was slightly bigger than he was, and a little thicker too.

Dean moaned into the kiss, and couldn't help but shudder and roll his hips when the only thing separating them was his underwear. He reached up to tangle his fingers in Castiel's hair, resisting the urge to pull, and deepened the kiss a bit. Castiel happily obliged, his hand stroking Dean before his fingers went to the waistband and he broke the kiss to remove Dean's jeans and briefs, eyes exploring over Dean's body. "I want to draw you like this one day," he whispered, gently kissing one of Dean's thighs.

Dean couldn't help but blush at that statement, and he looked down at Castiel. The sight of him made his heart skip a beat. "When my ribs are better..." he promised, giving Castiel a small smile.

Castiel gave Dean a happy smile, kissing his thigh again. "May I?" he asked, glancing at Dean's erection.

"Y-yeah, sure... Go ahead." Dean nodded slowly, resting a hand on his stomach and the other above his head.

Castiel reached out and slowly wrapped his fingers around it, feeling the weight and heat in his hand for a few moments before he carefully started to stroke. Dean curled his hands into loose fists and emitted a noise from deep within his throat, his gaze stuck on Castiel's hand and his own erection. Castiel stroked him, ribbing his thumb over the head before he leaned in, tentatively licking a drop of precome from the tip, eyes on Dean for his reaction. He loved the taste immediately, and wanted more.

Dean bit into his lip and closed his eyes, his legs twitching. "F-fuck, Cas, you really don't have to..." he whispered and opened his eyes to look at Castiel.

"I want to," Castiel whispered, dipping his head down and wrapping his lips around the head, sucking gently as he continued to stroke Dean. Dean tilted his head back as he sucked in a breath, then covered his eyes with his arm. The feeling of Castiel's mouth was so good he didn't feel like being still, but forced himself to keep from moving because of his ribs and for Castiel's sake.

Castiel lowered his head, slowly taking more and more of Dean until he couldn't, hand still working what he couldn't take in his mouth. Slowly, he pulled back, tongue lavishing attention over the slit, before he lowered again, bobbing his head up and down. Dean was pretty sure he'd died and gone to heaven. For a beginner, Castiel was good, and the fact that it was Castiel made it so much better. He moaned and curled his toes, the muscles in his thighs flexing when he strained to keep still. Castiel continued bobbing his head, squeezing and working what he couldn't fit with his hand, his other hand tracing random patterns gently over Dean's hipbone.

Dean's breath quickened, and he couldn't help but dig his nails into his skin as he moaned and gasped. He felt light headed, and a familiar, intense feeling made his stomach tighten. "A-ah- shit, Cas, you should probably stop that... I'm about to let go..."

Castiel quickened his pace in response, tongue teasing the slit. Dean groaned at the change of pace, his legs twitching. He bit down into his tongue in an attempt to keep back his orgasm, but he couldn't resist Castiel's determination to stay put. "Cas-" he warned, before tensing up and then letting go with a loud moan and a shudder. Castiel managed to swallow a mouthful before the liquid filled his mouth too quickly and he started to cough, Dean's seed leaking out of his mouth as he tried not to choke, cheeks red and embarrassed that he couldn't swallow properly.

Dean snapped out of bubble of relief, and removed his arm from his face to look at Castiel with a worried and slightly dazed expression. "Hey... You okay...?" he asked softly, and frowned as he saw the state Castiel was in.

"Yeah, I'm fine..." Castiel murmured, taking the rag Dean had used to clean himself earlier to wipe his face. "I'm sorry, I made a mess...." his cheeks were red, and he was clearly embarrassed.

Dean smiled. "No, no, it's fine... Happens to everyone," he said, and reached over to gently ruffle his hair.

Castiel offered a hesitant smile at Dean at the ruffle. "It's just...you've had better partners I'm sure." he muttered.

Dean's smile faltered. "Uh. Everything isn't always about past experience. The thing that makes sex good is to learn what makes your partner or yourself feel good. Past experience helps give you a general idea, but it's not required..."

Castiel nodded, still feeling bad. "Did you enjoy what I did?" he asked, voice soft.

"Yeah, I did... It was hard not to." Dean cupped Castiel's face in his hands.

Castiel leaned slightly into the touch. "Anything I did that was bad? Apart from at the end..." he blushed.

"Stop worrying about it, Cas," Dean murmured. "You were great for a first timer, so just relax, alright? Besides, I probably wouldn't do half as well..."

Castiel took a deep breath and let it out. "Let me re-wrap your bandages, they came loose." he murmured softly, shifting up to kiss Dean's cheek. "Are they hurting?"

"Eh... Not enough that I can't manage it," Dean mumbled. "And it's okay, you can let it be for a while... I.. I'm not actually supposed to have bandages." He licked his lips nervously.

Castiel raised an eyebrow at him. "Then why do you?" he asked.

"It lessens the pain..." Dean admitted.

Castiel sighed, cupping Dean's cheek in hand. "Stay here, I'm going to get you some ice, and another rag to help you clean up." he murmured, getting up.

Dean quickly grabbed his arm before he could do anything. "Uh... I... Maybe we could take a shower...?" he asked.

Castiel hesitated. "You mean...together?" he asked, needing to confirm what Dean was asking.

"Yeah, together." Dean nodded, and looked up at him, waiting for an answer.

Castiel gave Dean a soft smile, and leaned down to kiss him on the lips. "I think we'll find it enjoyable." he murmured. "Let me get the bathroom ready, all right? You just relax."

Dean gave him a kiss in return, and smiled back. "Awesome, I think so too- and alright."

Castiel smiled, and got up to make his way to the bathroom. He turned the shower on and got an extra towel out for Dean, before making his way back into the living room, still naked. "Ready?"

"Yeah." Dean smiled and got off the couch, a bit more carefully than usual since he'd taken off the bandages. He joined Castiel's side and gave him a chaste kiss. Castiel smiled and returned it, leading Dean to the bathroom and closing the door behind them. Castiel's shower was all glass except for the one wall, and it was spacious, meaning there was plenty of room for the both of them to fit. Castiel opened the door and stepped inside, arm extended to help Dean in as well.

Dean took the offered arm for support, and stepped into the shower. "This is really nice..." he said. It was much bigger than the one he and his family had at home.

Castiel smiled, his hair already matting down thanks to the warm water, leaning up to press a kiss to Dean's lips. "Thank you," he murmured.

Dean smiled and kissed back. "You're nice too," he whispered against Castiel's lips.

Castiel flushed, and felt a shiver go down his body. "Thank you," he whispered. "I..." he pulled away slightly, red-cheeked and averting his eyes.

Dean blinked, and looked at him. "... What is it?" he asked, lifting his hands to rest them on Castiel's upper arms.

Castiel's blue eyes found Dean's, his hands on Dean's waist. "I love you." he whispered. "And, I know you only really met me a few weeks ago, you aren't obligated to say it back, I just... You should know how I feel." he rambled.

Dean listened quietly, then placed a soft kiss on the tip of Castiel's nose. "Don't you worry about it, Cas... It's okay," he spoke softly, rubbing Castiel's arms in a comforting manner.

Castiel let out a long breath, visibly relaxing and leaning in, resting his head against Dean's chest as he hugged him. "Thank you." he murmured.

Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel, and placed a kiss to his dark, wet hair. "It's nothing, Cas," he said.

Castiel stayed like that for a few minutes, just enjoying the warm water and the sensation of his skin against Dean's, loving the feel of his boyfriend's arms around him. He pulled away, and handed Dean a washcloth. "Um, I just have some basic shampoo/body wash." he murmured, remembering how at the Winchester's there had been an assortment of hair care products.

Dean took the washcloth with a smile. "Hey, it's a lot better than nothing, yeah?" he said. Most hair care products were for Sam, but he wouldn't deny owning some of his own - and loving them. Taking a look at the cloth, he then looked at Castiel. "... Want me to wash your back for you?"

Castiel smiled. "Sure," he replied, turning so his back was facing Dean. Dean grinned as he soaked, wrung out and soaped up the washcloth, then used it to wash Castiel's back. The leaner teen's muscles relaxed under Dean's touch, and he closed his eyes, humming appreciatively. Dean washed his back with a steady hand, and pressed soft kisses to Castiel's neck. A soft smile spread over Castiel's face, and when Dean had finished, he turned around. "Your turn," he murmured, taking the washcloth from his boyfriend. "Turn around."

Dean stole a kiss, before he obediently turned around. "You better be careful with me, I'm a fragile little thing," he half joked.

Castiel smirked, smacking Dean's ass gently. "I will," he teased, getting the washcloth wet before starting to clean Dean's back, kissing his shoulder blade before nipping and worrying the skin, leaving a mark on his left shoulder.

Dean jumped slightly in surprise at the smack, then chuckled softly as he felt Castiel's lips against his skin. "Mmh... I guess you really like my ass."

Castiel smiled against Dean's shoulder, his hand dropping down to squeeze it. "Nice and firm, for a football captain." he teased, pulling back to continue working on Dean's back.

Dean bit his lip to keep himself from making a sound. "Hey now, all that practice is bound to give result..." He hummed. "Maybe I should become an underwear model?"

Castiel chuckled. "I kind of want to keep this to myself," he murmured, letting go of Dean's ass and kissing the back of Dean's neck, finishing the others back.

When he was finished, Dean turned around to wrap his arms around him. "Well, you did make me dinner, so I guess it's okay if you keep it."

Castiel chuckled. "I made dinner a few times," he hummed, happy to be in Dean's arms again.

"That you did, indeed." Dean pressed a kiss to Castiel's cheek. Castiel smiled and kissed Dean on the lips, before reaching for his shampoo. Dean smiled back, gently caressing Castiel's sides while just looking at him.

Castiel flushed a little at Dean's gaze. "I'm not much to look at..." he mumbled.

Dean pursed his lips. "Hey, that's my boyfriend you're talking about. Don't be a meanie," he said, and pinched Castiel's side playfully. Castiel squeaked, covering his mouth at the high pitched sound, eyes wide and cheeks red. Dean couldn't help but laugh, even if it hurt. "Fucking hell, can you be more adorable?"

Castiel was a bright red, more embarrassed now than he had been when he had stripped naked in front of Dean of the first time. Dean just grinned, and pulled Castiel closer to pepper him with kisses. "When I'm all healed up, I'm so going to try and tickle you. You better prepare yourself."

Castiel flushed. "I'm not telling you if I am or not."

"I'll find out on my own, then." Dean kissed him on the lips.

Castiel smiled happily, kissing Dean back. "How long until you're healed?" he asked.

"I think it's like... Another 5 to 9 weeks..." Dean grumbled.

Castiel frowned slightly. "...how long until football season's over?"

"Uh... 12 weeks, I think? It doesn't really matter though. It depends on if coach wants me to come back or not before season's over." Dean shrugged slightly.

Castiel's frown deepened. "I'm really sorry about that." he murmured. "Alistair was right....your life went downhill when you met me..."

Dean looked at him sadly. "Hey now, don't talk like that... That's not true. He just can't admit defeat," he said, hugging Castiel tightly.

Castiel leaned into Dean. "Sorry..." he murmured.

"It's okay, it's just... You make me happy. So I don't really care what happens," Dean said quietly.

Castiel's lips twitched into a soft smile. "Thanks. I'm sorry, I feel like I've just been a burden."

Dean chuckled softly. "I know that feeling. Don't worry about it." He pressed a kiss to Castiel's temple.

Castiel's smile widened. "We should finish cleaning up and then head back into town to pick up my trenchcoat." he murmured,

Dean nodded, and pulled away. He smiled softly at him. "You're right, we should."

Castiel smiled, and grabbed the shampoo, squeezing some into his hand before handing it to Dean. Dean squeezed some shampoo into his own hand before putting it away. Then he rubbed his hands together twice, before running them through his hair. Castiel was lathering it into his hair, stepping further back into the stream of the water to rinse it off once he was done, eyes closed tightly to prevent soap from getting in them. Dean made sure to rub it in really good so that he didn't miss a spot, before he too moved to rinse the shampoo out of his hair.

Once Dean had finished, Castiel turned the water off and stepped out, grabbing a towel and handing it to Dean before grabbing his own. Dean began to dry himself off with a contented sigh. "Man, showers... Best thing after pie."

Castiel chuckled, drying himself off. "Need help?" he asked, not wanting Dean to hurt himself.

"I think I'll be fine, but if I scream then you'll know I've been a dumbass," Dean said, awkwardly standing on one leg as he lifted and bent the other to dry it quickly. Then he switched legs.

Castiel ruffled his hair dry with the towel and hanging it up. "Um, your clothes are still in the living room."

"Yeah, I know. I'll just get dressed in there," Dean said as he stood both feet, and toweled his hair, getting it at least a little dry. "It's not like you have paparazzi or anything living in the bushes."

Castiel chuckled, opening the door and shivering at the cold air let in after the warm shower, heading to his room to grab some clothes. Dean also shivered, wrapping the towel around himself like a blanket as he went to the living room to get dressed.

Castiel went into the living room a few moments later, dressed in a white dress shirt and jeans. He smiled at Dean. "Anything you need while we're here?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, the first of a great deal many more sex scenes. How nostalgic.
> 
> As a general announcement, Uke and I are finishing our first thread to completion (No, this verse is not it, we're still working on it), and yes, we are planning on editing it and posting it here for your enjoyment. The title will be Life's A Bitch (Even If You're Not One), and it is an omegaverse roleplay. See our tumblr (cinderxuke.tumblr.com) for a better, more complete summary.  
> We will be sure to let you know when we start to post that, and if it will affect our posting schedule for Beat the Odds. Obviously omegaverse isn't for everyone, but we hope to see you there as well!
> 
> We hope you enjoyed this scene, and we'll see you again on Sunday!
> 
> ~Cinder


	13. Dyslexia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Spoilers**
> 
> Dean and Castiel retrieve Castiel's now clean trench coat. Not wanting to leave Castiel, but also not wanting to leave Sam alone with their father, Dean calls him to confirm that Sam is with Jess. While Castiel makes dinner, Dean starts working on his homework, and Castiel helps him come to terms with the fact that he may have dyslexia.
> 
> Trigger Warnings   
> Learning disabilities

Castiel chuckled, letting them out of the house and locking the door with one hand, the other lacing their fingers together. "I don't know what I would do if they couldn't save it." he murmured.

Dean kissed Castiel on the cheek. "It's a good thing they could save it," he said with a smile. He gently squeezed his hand and walked with Castiel to the Impala.

Castiel smiled back. "You know, I'm surprised you haven't asked why it's so important to me." he mused as he let go of Dean's hand to slide into the passenger's seat.

Dean shrugged slightly as he settled down in the driver's seat. "Eh, I just guessed you'd tell me whenever you felt like it, or that you simply liked it a lot," he explained and started the car.

"Still. I think the most common questions I get are "Are you really gay?" and "Why that ugly trench coat?" You...you didn't ask either."

Dean looked around and got the car on the road before answering. "Being gay is just something you are and shouldn't be questioned. And no one ever asks people why they wear the same shoes every day even if they're barely holding together at the seams..." 

Castiel nodded, looking out the window. "It's the only thing I have of my father," he admitted softly.

Dean smiled faintly. "That's a nice thing to have," he said, eyes focused on the road.

Castiel smiled, and he leaned against Dean. "Thank you for not judging me" he murmured.

Dean smiled a bit wider. "You're very welcome, Cas."

Castiel smiled and closed his eyes, relaxing against Dean as they drove, falling into a light doze. Dean didn't mind and let him sleep, using the time to think. When they arrived at the dry cleaners, he parked the car. Then he wrapped an arm around Castiel and kissed the top of his head. "Hey, wakey wakey. We're here."

Castiel stirred, and opened his eyes, yawning. "Thank you." he murmured, sitting up a little and stretched.

Dean smiled as he watched him. "It's no problem," he said. Castiel smiled back, leaning in to kiss Dean on the lips before getting out and going into the dry cleaners. He came back out looking much more comfortable, his trench coat on his body once more, nice and clean and not showing a single spot from the grease gun.

Dean watched Castiel go and come back, grinning widely as he saw the now clean trenchcoat. "Heeey, baby in a trenchcoat, wanna go for a ride in my other baby?" he said jokingly while wiggling his eyebrows.

Castiel rolled his eyes fondly as he slid into the passenger's seat. "It depends on what you mean by "ride"," he replied, a smirk on his face.

Dean faked a gasp, and caressed the steering wheel affectionately as he spoke to the car. "Don't worry baby, I won't let him touch you in a bad way."

Castiel laughed, kissing Dean's cheek affectionately. "I promise not to molest your Baby." he chuckled.

Dean grinned, and kissed Castiel properly on the lips. "I wouldn't know what to do with you if you did."

Castiel laughed and kissed Dean back. "Accuse both of your babies of cheating on you with each other?" he teased.

Dean chuckled. "Yeah, and then I'd have to punish both of you." He gently smacked Castiel on the thigh.

Castiel chuckled. "I do say, Mr. Winchester," he drawled, in a pretty good impression of a Southern accent.

Dean laughed and gave him another smack on the thigh. "Oh you."

Castiel chuckled and kissed Dean on the lips again. "You're welcome to spend the night, if you want." he offered. "Since it's getting late, and we do have school tomorrow."

Dean stilled, then started chewing on his lower lip. "I'd love to but... I don't want to leave Sammy alone with dad overnight. I'm not sure if he planned to stay at Jess' place or not, damn kid probably won't pick up the phone if I called, but... I don't want to take any risks.

Castiel nodded, looking at Dean with his wide blue eyes. "Just...promise me you'll stay safe. I don't want you to get any more hurt." he murmured, fingers tracing lightly over Dean's side. "If you could take me back home then, please?"

"I promise I'll stay out of trouble, and of course I'll drive you home." Dean nodded, and kissed him gently before pulling back to start the car, and began the drive back to Castiel's place. Castiel leaned against Dean as always, taking Dean's hand and playing with his fingers as they drove. Dean didn't mind, and just softly hummed the tunes to a song. He didn't really want to part ways for the day, but knew he had to. The time felt much too short as he parked outside Castiel's home.

Castiel looked up at Dean as they parked, leaning up to press a sweet, tender kiss to Dean's lips, nipping gently at his lower one. He didn't want to part ways either; he felt so safe and happy whenever he was with Dean. Dean turned in his seat so that he could wrap one arm around Castiel and pull him close, caressing Castiel's cheek with his free hand, returning the kiss. Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean, kissing him until he had to breathe, pulling away only slightly. "I'll see you tomorrow then?" he asked softly, eyes still closed.

"Yeah, see you tomorrow," Dean answered a little breathlessly, before placing a quick, chaste kiss to Castiel's lips and tightening his arm around him, not wanting to let go.

Castiel tightened his grip as well, and he just looked at Dean. "I really should get out, but I don't want to." he murmured.

"I don't want you to, either." Dean sighed softly, pressing their foreheads together, looking at Castiel.

Castiel closed his eyes, humming softly at the touch. "Call Sam, see if he's staying at Jess' or not?" he suggested softly.

"Yeah... I just hope he'll pick up," Dean said quietly. He stayed still for another moment, before forcing himself to pull away and dig out his phone, speed dialing Sam.

Sam picked up after the fourth ring. "What's up, Dean?" he asked.

"Hey, Sammy. I'm glad you picked up. I'm just wondering if you're staying over at Jess' tonight or if you're coming home." Dean glanced over at Castiel.

"Hold on," Sam replied, and his voice was muffled as he moved away from the phone for a minute, muffled voices coming through the phone.  
When he came back, he picked up the phone. "I'm staying here, is that okay?"

"As long as you promise there won't be any bastard children I'll have to help take care of after I graduate, then yeah, of course." Dean grinned. "I'll be staying at Cas' place, just so you know."

"Dean!" Sam protested. "And you're one to talk! God..." Sam rolled his eyes. "Don't stay up too late and don't wake up the neighbours, then."

"Don't worry, we weren't that loud." Dean laughed softly. "Anyway. Make sure to call if anything happens, okay?"

Sam chuckled, and Castiel turned red. "Course. See you at school."

"Yeah, see you tomorrow. Bye, Sammy," Dean said and ended the call.

Castiel was looking at Dean. "So you can stay?" he wanted to confirm, smiling.

Dean grinned and nodded. "Yeah. Sam's staying at Jess', so I can stay."

Castiel's smile widened, and he kissed Dean again. "In that case, what do you want for dinner?" he asked, getting out of the car finally, excited.

Dean laughed softly as he also got out of the car, grabbing his bag and locking up before joining Castiel. "I don't know. Something simple? Maybe those awesome grilled cheese sandwiches you do?"

"Sure," Castiel smiled, unlocking the front door and letting Dean in. "You know where everything is, I'll be in the kitchen." he smiled, leaning up to kiss Dean again.

Dean happily returned the kiss. "Awesome. I think I'll steal your couch for a while," he said, before heading over to the couch to make himself comfortable. Castiel smiled, and went into the kitchen to make some grilled cheese sandwiches, as well as some tomato soup to go with it. He pulled out his books from his backpack, and started to work on his homework as they were cooking. Dean sat on the couch with his own books scattered around him, doing his best to fight down his frustration and actually get some work done.

When the food was finished, Castiel brought Dean his plate and bowl. "Here you are," he smiled. "Need help with anything?" he asked, seeing the look of frustration on his boyfriend's face.

Dean huffed and his eyes with the heel of his palms. "Everything and life itself, apparently. I don't understand why they need to make all the work so over-complicated. It's all so simple in the end but they word everything so... So... Ugh."

Castiel sat next to Dean on the couch, careful not to disturb his books as he handed them the food. "How about we take a break to eat dinner, and after I'll help you?" Castiel suggested.

"Yeah..." Dean nodded stiffly, accepting the food and somehow managing to move his things around a bit to make space.

Castiel got up and retrieved his own food, joining Dean on the couch again and beginning to eat. "What's giving you the most trouble?" he asked.

Dean shrugged slightly as he nibbled on a sandwich. "I just have trouble reading... Dunno why, it's just hard. Especially when they word everything so weirdly..." he mumbled, clearly embarrassed.

"Hmmm..." Castiel hummed, thinking as he chewed. "Is it the words themselves? Like, can you read them, or are the letters moving around?"

"Uh, no and yes... I understand stuff if I get to hear it, but reading... Some times I miss letters or whole words, and spelling's kind of hard..." Dean stared at his feet.

Castiel paused. "Dean, have you ever been tested for dyslexia?" he asked softly.

Dean lifted his head and blinked at him. "... No, I haven't. Why?"

"Because I think that's why you have so much trouble." Castiel replied, taking a worksheet from Dean's notebook. "How does Hester change over time in The Scarlet Letter—and how does she change in the eyes of the society around her?" he read the question that Dean had been frustrated with out loud.

Dean chewed quietly as he thought about the question Castiel had just read out loud. "... Isn't it like, she realises that she has sinned, but instead of letting her sin be the only thing she is, she like... Uh... Not proudly wears the letter, but refuses to remove it until she has proven herself to be a strong and independent woman, and not let herself be defined by a letter. And through her refusal to hide in shame, the community realises that she isn't the letter that's on her clothes, but she's a responsible woman who successfully owns a home, raises a child on her own, and still takes the time to do good deeds to others, such as feeding the poor...?" He raised a brow as he looked at Castiel.

Castiel nodded. "Exactly. How long did you spend just trying to read the question?" he asked, face gentle as he tried to help Dean figure this out.

"Uh... I don't know... Too long, I think." Dean awkwardly scratched the side of his neck. "It's always been like this so I've never really thought about it. "

Castiel nodded. "Here's what we'll do then. I'll read the questions out loud for you, and you write down your answers, all right? And we'll see about getting you tested. If you're diagnosed, then the teachers will go easier on you and give you more time to complete assignments."

"A-alright..." Dean turned his gaze back to his feet. He didn't really know what to feel about the possibility of being dyslexic.

Castiel set his bowl and plate down on the floor, moving over to sit closer to Dean. "There's nothing to be ashamed of," he murmured, hand reaching around Dean's side to hold him close. "About 17% of the population has it. That's over 1 billion people, Dean."

Dean sighed heavily. "Still... Isn't it one of those things that follow you around, no matter where you go? Like, it's better to actually be genuinely stupid than... That."

"Dean," Castiel murmured. "It is not. Did you know that Albert Einstein, John Lennon, and even Walt Disney all had dyslexia? And they all went on to do amazing things. It's not a curse, Dean." he murmured, holding Dean close, careful of his ribs.

"Hah, I knew those guys were too good to be true..." Dean mumbled, and closed his eyes as he let himself lean against Castiel.

Castiel reached a hand up to play with Dean's hair. "It's all right." he murmured. "I'll be right here to help you, I promise."  
Dean nodded slowly and swallowed. "Thank you..." he said quietly.

Castiel pressed a kiss to the top of Dean's head. "Always." he murmured. Dean let out another sigh as he allowed himself to relax. Castiel kept Dean close, pressing kisses to the top of his head. "Do you want to finish your dinner?" he asked softly.

"Yeah... I don't need low blood sugar on top of it all." Dean opened his eyes and managed to smile slightly.

Castiel smiled back, kissing Dean's lips gently. "Finish eating, and we can finish our homework before we go to bed, all right?"

Dean kissed back before he nodded. "Yeah, sounds good... Maybe I'll even be able to finish homework for once," he mumbled, but returned to his food with more enthusiasm than before.

Castiel smiled, and finished his own dinner before taking their dishes to the kitchen, returning with his own homework. "All right, I just have math to finish. Let me know when you're ready for the next question, all right?" he smiled.

"Yeah, I will," Dean said with a smile, as he turned back to his notebook that he'd taken out. He slowly wrote down the answer about Hester, not wanting to miss any letters or words. Castiel started finishing up his math homework, reading out the questions for Dean when he was ready for the next one. Dean chewed on his lip as he wrote down the answers, occasionally asking Castiel if he'd spelled a certain word right. He was slow, but for the first time in a long time, he saw the end on the heap of work he had. It made him feel silly for having been too embarrassed to ask for help.

Castiel smiled proudly when Dean finished his last assignment. "See? Now you don't have to worry about it anymore."

"Yeah... Thanks for the help, Cas," Dean murmured, eyes a bit wide as he stared at his finished homework.

Castiel smiled. "Anytime," he murmured, leaning in to press a kiss to Dean's lips. "Now, it's midnight, and we should go to bed."

"Damn, really? Crap..." Dean blinked, not realising that it had gotten so late. He put away the school work and stood up, holding his hands out to Castiel.

Castiel took Dean's hands and smiled, yawning slightly. "Yeah." he murmured, leading Dean towards his bedroom, letting go of Dean's hands to start stripping his clothing off, leaving himself in nothing but a pair of boxers. Dean also stripped down to his underwear, even though he usually slept in a t-shirt. He didn't have any other clothes, so he'd have to do without. Castiel slipped into bed, shifting to one side of the bed so Dean had room. Dean carefully slipped in beside Castiel, then let out a pleased sigh as he was settled.

Castiel smiled, curling up against Dean. "Night." he murmured.

Dean shifted slightly to kiss Castiel's forehead, then settled down again. "Good night Cas," he murmured softly, and closed his eyes.

Castiel smiled, and fell asleep curled next to Dean, his head cushioned against Dean's shoulder. Dean slept deeply and didn't move an inch during the night, feeling safe with Castiel so close to him. The night went and morning came, and Dean found himself awake before the alarm had gone off. Castiel was still fast asleep, head against Dean's chest and an arm around his waist, lips parted gently as he breathed.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Art courtesy of Uke, at uke-samamakesart.tumblr.com.


	14. Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILERS**
> 
> Dean and Castiel make it to school only to run straight into Zachariah and Alistair, leading to a physical altercation between the four of them. During the fight, Zachariah breaks Castiel's nose, and Dean does even worse to Alistair after the bully reveals that he knows how John treats Dean. Castiel, feeling like it's his fault and shaken, self harms in the backseat while Jo drives them to the hospital. When they arrive, Dean notices, but doesn't comment on it until later on when they arrive at Castiel's home, since Sam warns them that John is furious after a call from the school.
> 
>  **MASSIVE TRIGGER WARNINGS**  
>  Bullying, bullying that leads to physical violence, the act of breaking bones, child neglect, and a graphic self-harm scene. IF ANY OF THESE TRIGGER YOU, PLEASE READ THE SUMMARY INSTEAD OF THE CHAPTER

When the alarm went off, Castiel groaned and buried his face into Dean's chest. Dean chuckled softly, and ran a hand over Castiel's hair. "Rise and shine, sunshine," he murmured, looking down at Castiel. It was too bad that they had to get up- he'd enjoyed watching Castiel sleep, as he had woken up before the alarm went off.

Castiel grunted into Dean's chest, tightening his grip a little and curling closer. "S' too early." he mumbled, hair messy.

Dean rolled his eyes. "It's not. It's the perfect time to rise and get ready for another day of school..." He brushed his fingers through the short, dark hair.

"Aren't you chipper?" Castiel mumbled, finally raising his head to press a chaste kiss to Dean's lips.

"Nah, just wide awake." Dean smiled and returned the kiss, before pulling back and wrinkling his nose. "Nice morning breath, dude."

Castiel flushed, looking embarrassed. "I'm sorry," he murmured, looking away.

"It's fine, I'm pretty sure mine isn't that nice either... But if we get up and ready and brush our teeth..." Dean grinned.

Castiel laughed slightly, grabbing the pillow he didn't use the previous night and shoving it playfully in Dean's face, smirking as he got out of bed.

Dean made a noise of protest, which was muffled by the pillow. He grabbed it and stuck out his tongue, before chucking the pillow at Castiel, hitting him on the leg.

Castiel laughed and ducked out of the room, going to the bathroom to start getting ready.

Dean sat up carefully and then got out of bed, carefully stretching a little. He put on his jeans and shirt, then headed over to the bathroom, knocking on the door. "Is it okay if I come in? And uh... Do you have a toothbrush I could borrow?"

"You can come in," Castiel replied, at the sink washing his face. His stubble was a little heavier than normal, since he hadn't shaved the previous day, and the bruise on his jaw from Alistair was darker than before. He ducked down and pulled a spare toothbrush out, handing it to Dean.

Dean stepped inside and accepted the toothbrush, then stood there and just looked at Castiel for a moment. Then he looked away, his cheeks pink, and grabbed the tooth paste, putting some on the toothbrush and then proceeded to brush his teeth. At first he had looked at the bruise, but then he’d noticed Castiel’s stubble and he… Quite liked it, he realized.

Castiel flushed slightly. He was still just in his boxers, "I don't understand how you can look at me like that." he murmured, taking the toothpaste and brushing his own teeth.

Dean hummed softly. "What can I say? I find you attractive," he said simply. "... And the stubble is nice," he added quietly, then continued to brush his teeth, making sure to get every single spot.

Castiel's cheeks darkened, and he made a mental note of that as he continued to brush his teeth, spitting the foam into the sink. "Thank you," he smiled softly, putting his toothbrush away. "You can have that toothbrush for whenever you come over."

Dean hummed again, then spat in the sink before replying. "Awesome, saves me the trouble of having to bring the one at home back and forth." He grinned, and stole a kiss from Castiel before putting also putting away his toothbrush.

Castiel returned the kiss with a smile. "I'm going to get dressed, help yourself to anything in the kitchen for breakfast."

Dean nodded and smiled. "Alright. I'll be downstairs then." He grinned and ruffled Castiel's hair before making his way to the kitchen.

Castiel smiled, and went to his room, getting dressed in his usual dress shirt and dark pants, pulling his trench coat on. He made his way downstairs and into the kitchen, seeking out breakfast for himself.

Dean had made himself a sandwich, and was leaning against the kitchen counter as he ate, watching Castiel. "... So. I've got a question. It's basically you and me against the school. What else should I expect to happen?"

Castiel pulled out some cereal for himself. "It depends on the day, and how pissed off Alistair is." Castiel replied. "Some days, I only get names. Others, well...a serious concussion." he shrugged, starting to eat. He didn't mention that Alistair and Zachariah were sure to be extremely pissed off, since he had avoided them the previous day. He didn't want Dean to worry or get hurt.

Dean made a face. "I still don't get what his problem is. When did it even start?" he asked. "I don't recall you ever having done anything to him."

"I never did. It started in sixth grade. I was always a strange kid, and for some reason, that rubbed him the wrong way." Castiel replied. "It started with teasing and name calling, and escalated the older we got."

Dean huffed. "He must've been dropped on his head as a baby. Or maybe his parents spoil him so much that he never has to face consequences. Whatever it is, there is something wrong with him," he grumbled.

"I agree," Castiel replied, finishing his breakfast and setting the bowl in the sink. "Ready to go?"

Dean nodded, then grinned. "More than ready, especially with finished homework to hand in."

Castiel smiled back, leaning across the counter to give Dean a kiss before pulling back to grab their backpacks. Dean let out a pleased hum at the kiss, smiling as he got his backpack and pulled the straps over one shoulder. Castiel led the way out of the house, locking the door behind them before making his way over to the Impala, sliding into the passenger's seat. "I just hope everything goes all right today." he murmured.

Dean settled into the driver's seat and started the car, taking a moment to give Castiel an understanding look before starting to drive. "Yeah. Yesterday wasn't very fun."

Castiel just sighed, and leaned against Dean as they drove.

When they arrived at school, Castiel tensed at the sight of Alistair and Zachariah waiting at the entrance. "Shit..." he whispered the rarely-used curse.

Dean blinked in surprise. When he parked the car, he then looked out to see what Castiel was cursing about. He grabbed his boyfriend's hand and squeezed it gently. "Hey. It'll be alright, I promise."

Castiel swallowed and nodded, squeezing Dean's hand in return. He took a deep breath and got out of the car, tensing as he saw Zachariah point at him. Dean locked the car, and then went around to stand by Castiel's side. If he could help it, he wouldn't let Zachariah and Alistair to get anywhere near Castiel. He really didn't like the look on the teens that stood by the entrance, and he really hated the way Alistair seemed to stare at them. "Creepy ass motherfuckers..." he grumbled, and took his boyfriend's hand in his own.

Castiel laced their fingers together, and walked with Dean towards the front of the school, trying to keep his head high and look unafraid, even though he was terrified. Sure enough, Zachariah started to beeline for Castiel, eyes glancing at Dean and clearly assessing how he could get past the other football player. As soon as Dean saw Zachariah moving towards them, he took a step in front of Castiel and let go of his hand, covering him with his arm and half of his body in a defensive and threatening manner as he glared at Zachariah. Alistair remained where he was, smiling to himself.

Zachariah looked at Dean. "Cmon Winchester, why all the fuss?" he said. "Just let us near your little fling, and we'll have it over and done with."

Dean snorted. "I'll make all the fuss I want, because he's mine and I don't want your dirty paws all over him. Are we clear?"

"Crystal," Zachariah replied, throwing a punch into Dean's stomach.

Dean gasped and stumbled, leaning over slightly as he wrapped an arm around his middle. He clenched his hands into fists. "Fucking coward. Going around hitting on injured people. Then again, you punch like a little girl, so I guess that's alright!" he spat.

Zachariah got around Dean and had grabbed Castiel, forcing the other boy against the wall and leaving Dean to Alistair. Castiel was struggling against his hold, kicking out, but not able to connect. He cried out in pain as Zachariah butted his head against his face, feeling a crunch as his nose broke.

Dean's eyes grew wide, and he tried to grab after Castiel but wasn't quick enough. He yelped as he was yanked back, the world spinning as he lost his balance and fell to the ground. His ribs hurt and so did his head, and he barely registered Alistair coming closer until the other teen was literally sat on him and held his hands above his head in a surprisingly strong grip. Not that Dean could do much but writhe in pain when his ribs were being jabbed by a pair of too-sharp knees.

"Hello, whore. What a pleasure to see your pretty face up close," Alistair said. "Aren't the freak's screams of pain beautiful?"

"Dean!" Castiel called out, struggling against Zachariah's hold. His head was spinning with pain and blood was pouring down his face. He _hated_ that no one was helping them, no one who was witnessing this was trying to do anything to stop it. It was in that moment that he hated himself more than anything; if it wasn't for him, Dean wouldn't be getting hurt like this. 

"Aww... That would've been adorable if he wasn't such a freak," Alistair whispered. "You're so pathetic. You settle for a freak like him, huh? Then again, I always knew I'd have trouble domesticating you. Not even daddy can put you in place, so how could I?"

Dean gaped. He'd never told anyone about his dad. "Get off!" He struggled against the hold, then yelled as Alistair squeezed tighter.

"You never say no though, do you? You let anyone get on top and in between those legs. They don't even have to say please. Bet even daddy has gotten some, eh? You don't say no when he gives it to you, so he must have. You filthy slut."

Dean managed to get one arm loose to scratch Alistair's face, making the other teen spit in his face and slam his wrists back against the ground. He was vaguely aware of the stares of the other students and how none of them said anything. Castiel was struggling even harder against Uriel, letting out cries of pain as his sides were pummeled. Finally, he got Zachariah with a good kick in between the legs, loosening his grip enough so he could escape. Despite the fact that his entire body was screaming in pain, he moved as quickly as he could to punch Alistair in the back of his head as hard as he could.

"Leave him alone!" Castiel growled out, trying to pull the other off of Dean. "Take it out on me, but not him!"

Alistair yelled angrily. "Get off me you fucking peasant!" He let go of Dean's wrists and thrashed against the grip Castiel had on him. He saw that Dean tried to worm his way out, and kicked at him. Dean yelped and grabbed his shoulder, then kicked Alistair square in the jaw with a sickening crunch. He flinched as Alistair screamed out in pain.

Castiel let go of Alistair, chest heaving with every breath and rushing to Dean's side, concern on his face despite the fact that his nose was pouring blood. "Are you okay?" he asked, helping Dean get away from the other teen, who was holding his hands against his face as he screamed.

Dean was about to say something, but took a look at Castiel and reconsidered his answer. "You look worse than I feel," he rasped, and wiped off the spit with the back of his hand. "You need to go to the hospital again... God Cas, you've got blood everywhere... I'm so sorry..."

"This is not your fault," Castiel whispered, swallowing hard as he looked away. "This...this is all my fault. Because of me, this shit keeps on happening to you, and....you'd be better off without me." his voice cracked at the last sentence, terrified of losing Dean, but also knowing that it was probably for the best.

Dean growled and reached up to grab Castiel by the collar. "It's not your fault, you hear me? Now, you need a hospital. _We_ need to find someone to drive. No objections." He struggled to his feet.

Castiel helped Dean up, staying quiet. "How about that girl that helped me last week?" he suggested softly.

Dean blinked slowly, and looked at Castiel. "... You talking about Jo...? Blonde girly tomboy I usually hang with?" He fumbled to dig out his phone, hands a bit shaky.

"Yeah." Castiel was shaking as well, wanting to run, wanting to save Dean from all of this. His hand slid into his messenger bag and found his pencil sharpener, starting to disassemble it to get to the blade. He had never wanted a release more than he did right now.

Dean swallowed as he started typing out a message. "He knows about my dad..." he said quietly, oblivious to what Castiel was doing. He sent one message, then started typing another to Sam, notifying him of their situation.

Castiel's eyes closed. "How? You, Sam, and I are the only ones that know, right...?" he successfully got the blade, and hid it up his sleeve until he could get at least a little away from Dean, not wanting the other to know how badly he was shaken, how much he was hurting.

"He must be a stalker. Crazy ass stalker. He's sick." Dean sighed as he sent Sam the message and put his phone back, then ran his hands over his hair. "I hope he rots in hell..."

Castiel nodded, gripping Dean's arm slightly. "I need to sit down," he muttered, lightheaded from the throbbing pain in his nose and the blood loss.

Dean turned to Castiel, grabbing a hold of his arms and then helping him to sit down on the ground, ignoring his own pain. "There we go... Hopefully Jo will be here soon..."

Castiel tilted his head back, trying to stop the flow of blood. "I am so sorry..." he whispered.

"Shit, Cas, no- don't tilt it back. The amount of it might make you throw up..." Dean spoke softly. "It's fine, Cas. Just take it easy."

Castiel lowered his head back down, the look of guilt on his face plain.

Jo came around the corner a few minutes later, looking hesitant once more about helping Castiel Novak, but because Dean was there....she could help. "Jesus, what happened to you two?" she mumbled, moving over to Dean's side.

Dean sighed, wrapping an arm around Castiel's shoulders. "Zachariah happened to Cas. Alistair happened to me. Tell you more later, but right I feel like a crunchy bag of cornflakes, so I can't drive." He grimaced. "So a little bit of help is appreciated."

Jo nodded, extending her hand for the keys to the Impala. "You aren't getting in my car like that," she murmured, glancing at Castiel.

Dean huffed, and reluctantly handed over the keys. "If you hurt her, don't think I won't kick you just because you're a girl."

"I promise not to hurt your Baby Dean," Jo rolled her eyes. "Which one of you needs more help walking?"

"Dean," Castiel replied immediately.

Dean shot Castiel a dark look. "No, Cas. You're the one with a waterfall of blood running down your face, not me," he said and got to his feet, holding his hands out to Castiel.

Castiel took Dean's hands, but barely used them as he struggled to get up. Jo slid on the other side, supporting Castiel against her shoulder. "Where'd you park?"

Dean frowned as he noticed that Castiel didn't let him support him much, and that he was awfully quiet. He sighed softly, not wanting to bother him with questions, before leading Jo and Castiel to the Impala. Jo helped Cas into the backseat before sliding into the driver's seat.

Dean's phone went off with a text from Sam. "Are you two okay? Do you need any help?"

"Cas' got a busted nose. Jo's driving us to the hospital. Be careful, there will probably be chaos later." Dean texted back. He didn't know what to do as he looked between his boyfriend and his friend. Hesitantly, he slid into the passenger seat, and looked back at Castiel with a worried look. Castiel was watching Dean silently, the blade hidden in his hand as he waited for Dean to be adequately distracted from what Castiel was doing.

Dean bit his lip as he turned to sit properly, leaning back in his seat. He hoped that the day wouldn't turn any worse than it already had. Castiel pulled up his sleeve slightly, and sliced the razor through the skin on his wrist, letting out a soft sigh of relief at the bite of the blade. It felt good to relieve himself like this again, and he allowed himself one more cut before tugging his sleeve back down and pocketing the blade.

"Really, Jo. You're an angel for helping out," Dean mumbled, looking over at his friend. "I owe you a big one."

"Whatever, just don't EVER tell my Mom when I sneak out again and we'll call it even," she chuckled, glancing over at Dean. "How do you drive this thing, it's ancient." she muttered.

"Alright, we've got a deal." Dean raised a brow. "Ancient or not, she's the best lady in the world." He pointed and explained to Jo in a matter-of-fact voice how to turn the key and how to drive. Jo rolled her eyes and started the car, pulling out of the parking lot and driving towards the hospital.

Castiel was quiet, not aware that the cuts on his wrist were bleeding through his white shirt in two lines, making it obvious that it wasn't from his nose bleeding.

Dean patted Jo on the shoulder as if to congratulate her on being able to drive. He turned to check on Castiel, only focusing on his face. "You alright back there?"

"I'm fine," Castiel said quietly, in a carefully neutral voice. "How about you? Are your ribs fine?"

Dean frowned. "Yeah, they're fine. Just really sore. Are you _sure_ you're fine?"

"Apart from the blood pouring out of my nose, yes." Castiel replied.

Dean gave him a long look, not believing Castiel completely, before turning back to look out the window. Castiel hated lying to Dean, but the last thing he wanted was to be the cause of any more pain. He also didn't want to run the risk of triggering the other, knowing that Dean had issues with self harm as well.

Dean didn't say much for the rest of the ride, pretty much only asking Jo about how her mom was doing. That he got to take it easy and think made him feel uneasy, as he kept thinking about what Alistair might do next.

Jo pulled into the hospital, and parked the car in front. "You get Castiel in, I'll park the car and find you inside." she said.

"Alright. See you there." Dean got out of the car, and opened the door for Castiel. "C'mon man, let's..." he paused, noticing the state of his sleeve. "... Let's get you inside," he said, and helped Castiel out of the car.

Castiel stayed quiet as Dean helped him inside. "I'm sorry." he whispered.

"It's fine." Dean helped Castiel over to the front desk, so that he could sign in. After that, he helped him over to a chair so that he could sit down while waiting.

Castiel was fidgeting, clearly uncomfortable. "Why are you still with me?" he asked finally. "You would be so much happier without me, I've caused you so much pain and trouble."

Dean looked at him quietly, brows furrowed. He wasn't sure how he should respond, what he should say. His head was swimming with Alistair's words, and the worry he had for Sam if the truth about their father came out. "... Don't blame yourself for things that aren't your fault, Cas."

Castiel leaned slightly into Dean, seeking the comfort the other provided. Jo came in a few moments later and sat with them until Castiel's name was called, and they took him in to try and fix his nose.

He came out an hour later with a large bandage over his face and another around his wrist.

Dean got up from his chair to pull Castiel into a careful hug, not because of his ribs, but because he didn't want to accidentally hurt the other. Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean, leaning into him. "Are you all right?" he asked softly.

"No- Yeah. I don't know..." Dean sighed, not knowing what to do. Castiel just held him for a few moments, and Sam called Dean's phone.

Dean groaned softly, not feeling like speaking to anyone, and dug out his phone anyway to answer. "Hello?"

"Well, good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first?" Sam replied.

"Ugh. Let's go for the bad news so I don't get my hopes up too high." Dean sighed.

"Bad news is that the school called Dad about the incident. He's furious, you're crashing at Castiel's." Sam replied. "Good news, you broke Alistair's jaw in three places, and I may or may not be suspended for adding to it."

Dean was pretty sure that people thought he was crazy when he suddenly cracked up. "Aaaah, that's my boy. Now, please tell me you're going home with Jess or heading to Bobby's."

"I'm with Jess, we're going to sneak in and get our things, I'll bring a bag by Castiel's for you." Sam replied.

"Shit, Sam- are you sure? I could always call Bobby, let him in on all this." Dean bit his lip.

"It'll be okay, I promise." Sam replied. "Even Dad won't try to hurt me in front of a girl like Jess. Anything in particular you want? I get the feeling we aren't going home for a good while."

"... True, he is a bit old school. 'Not in front of the ladies, boys'." It would've been funny in any other situation, Dean thought to himself. "Some CDs and that old-ass CD player, is all I can think of. And... And that photo of mom I have on my desk."

"Course." Sam replied. "How's Cas?"

"Looking like something out of the mummy. All wrapped up, messy and pale." Dean looked at Castiel.

Sam chuckled dryly. "All right, I'll text when I have your stuff. See you." he hung up.

Castiel looked up at Dean. "Everything okay?" he asked, voice nasally.

Dean put away his phone, before speaking quietly. "Sam punched Alistair in the face and is now suspended. Alistair's jaw is broken in three different places. School called Dad, and if he sees me he might actually kill me if I'm not tactical about it. So, Sam and Jess are going home to grab some stuff. Sam's staying at her place until it's safe to go home."

"And you're staying with me," Castiel said firmly, although he couldn't hide the smile from the fact that Alistair was in some serious pain.

"If you want me to, then yeah, I am. If you ever get tired of me, though, I could always go to Bobby's." Dean shrugged.

"Of course I want you to, Dean." Castiel replied quietly. "Besides, it's probably safer than going to Bobby's, since your father knows where Bobby lives, but not where I do."

"You're probably right," Dean said softly and nodded. He tried not to think about what would happen if his father got his hands on him. "Though, right at the moment, I think we need to decide whether to go back to school or if you want to go back to your place."

"I don't think we should go back to school," Castiel replied softly.

Dean nodded. "Alright. Then let's go back to your place."

Castiel nodded, wincing slightly. "I could use a nap," he muttered. "Where's Jo?"

"I told her she could go outside. Didn't look too comfortable being in here," Dean said, and started to lead Castiel outside. "I'll let her drive back to school so she can go back, then I'll drive the rest of the way to yours."

Castiel nodded. Jo was, as predicted, waiting outside, her phone out as she texted someone. "You taking me back to school, Winchester?" she asked as they walked outside.

"Yeah, I am. You want another try at driving or do you dare let me take the wheel?" Dean raised a brow.

"You can take the wheel if you can, I was terrified I would wreck her and face your wrath," Jo teased.

"Yeah, because I'm so powerful at the moment. If it wasn't for Cas I might've gotten majorly beat up." Dean rolled his eyes. "Keys back, pretty please."

"Strange, isn't it?" Jo replied, handing the keys back. "You aren't used to that outside of the football field, are you?"

"There's a difference between being plowed to the ground by a guy the size of a house and being assaulted by a skinny, creepy ass bitch." Dean huffed and took the keys back, unlocked the Impala as soon as they reached it.

"I have never heard Alistair described more aptly," she replied, sliding into the passenger's seat. Castiel got into the backseat, still feeling a little awkward.

"He's about to get creepier," Dean said with a grin as he sat down and started the car. "He's got a broken jaw... Huh. Wait, Cas- How did you get Zachariah to back off?"

"Kicked him in the groin," Castiel replied.

"Ouch. Then again, he's also a bag of dicks so he deserved that." Dean made a face as he pulled out of the parking lot and started driving.

Castiel remained quiet as Jo chatted with Dean, not really knowing what to say. When they reached the school, Dean didn't bother turning off the engine as he stopped close to the entrance. "Okay, Jo. Stay out of trouble, alright?"

"You aren't here, of course I will," she teased, kissing his cheek before getting out.

Castiel got out of the backseat and slid into the passenger's seat once Jo was gone. Dean made sure that Castiel was settled before driving off. "Sorry about that. Jo's kind of like a sister, so we easily get caught up..." he murmured.

"it's fine," Castiel replied quietly, leaning against Dean as always, closing his eyes. He was really tired after everything, plus he was on some pretty nice painkillers.

Dean nodded, and smiled slightly as he felt the familiar weight leaning against him. "Alright, if you say so."

Castiel slept the entire way back to his house, using Dean as a pillow. Dean drove carefully, lengthening the time just slightly. When he'd parked the car, he placed a gentle kiss on Castiel's head. "We're home," he mumbled.

Castiel shifted and leaned up, eyes still tired. "This bandage is most uncomfortable," he muttered as they got out of the car.

Dean grabbed their bags and locked the car. "It doesn't look comfortable, but... It's needed, unfortunately," he said.

Castiel grabbed his keys and let them into the house. "I'm going to go to sleep," he murmured. "Wake me if you need anything, all right?" he leaned up to press a quick kiss to Dean's cheek.

"Yeah I will, but just... Just sleep, okay?" Dean mumbled, not wanting Castiel to repeat what he'd done to his arm earlier.

Castiel noticed the change in Dean's voice, and realized that he hadn't been as subtle as he thought. "I will." he murmured, making his way to his bedroom.


	15. Heart to Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILERS**  
>  Sam has a conversation with Dean about Castiel. Dean is worried about his boyfriend, whereas Sam points out that Castiel doesn't have much experience with long lasting relationships, and reminds Dean that some things just have to be said. When Sam leaves the couple to themselves, Dean admits how much he cares for his boyfriend, and Castiel is happy and pleased. After their conversation, Dean turns to actions to prove to Castiel how much he cares.
> 
>  **TRIGGER WARNINGS**  
>  Injuries from child abuse, old self harm scars, discussion of depression and self harming (not graphic)

Chapter 15

Sam showed up at Castiel’s home about half an hour later after Castiel had gone to bed, his eye black and with a suitcase for Dean.

Dean opened the door for his brother, and stared at him. "Fucking hell, Sammy, where did you get that?" he asked.

"Turns out Dad was a lot drunker than we thought," he replied, handing Dean the suitcase. "He only got me once before Jess and I bolted. I got everything you asked for though."

Dean sighed heavily as he took the suitcase. "Damn... Did you get everything you need, though?"

Sam nodded. "If I need anything else, I'll sneak back in when he's at work." he replied. "How's Cas?"

"All right, just be really careful..." Dean put the suitcase to the side. "He's... He's sleeping right now. Knocked out from the painkillers, I think. I don't really know exactly how he feels, but... I think he's pretty shaken up."

Sam frowned slightly. "Do you want me to stay?" he offered. He could see that whatever had Castiel upset was upsetting Dean in turn.

Dean shook his head. "No, it's fine, it's fine. Jess is probably waiting for you, yeah?"

"She'll understand," Sam replied. "Dean, I know you aren't one to talk about your feelings, but something has you upset."

Dean frowned as he looked at his brother, then sighed in defeat. "Yeah... You're right."

Sam turned and asked Jess to pick him up later. Jess understood, and she and her mother drove off as Sam stepped inside. "What's wrong?"

"The whole day has been going wrong... Cas has a reeeaaally bad background. Both parents being gone and- Alistair has been on him for years, since before high school..." Dean really didn't know why he was talking about this. It felt like he was betraying Castiel, but at the same time, he needed to get it off his chest. "... He thinks everything that has happened to me during school is his fault."

Sam's frown deepened. "Shit....you've been telling him it's not, right?" he asked.

"Yeah. I don't think it really... Sticks though. I don't think that I, alone, can make him see that it's not..." Dean mumbled. "... I'm kinda scared he'll end up leaving, in one way or another, because of all this..."

"From the sound of it, and from what I've heard of him, he may have trouble forming lasting relationships." Sam replied. "You just have to help him work on that. I know he's scared of you leaving him. Show him that you aren't going anywhere."

Dean sighed, and rubbed the side of his neck. "Well, I'll do my best to show him... It's hard though. Everyone seems to think it's all because of a stupid bet - but I guess you've already heard that..."

Sam sighed. "I have...and you aren't going to like who started that rumour..."

Dean blinked. "... Don't tell me it's that stupid cheerleader."

Sam shook his head. "Lisa." he muttered, carefully watching Dean for his reaction.

Dean was quiet, and then he laughed bitterly. "Of course it's fucking Lisa."

"I really don't mean to pry, but...what actually happened between you two?" Sam asked carefully.

"... Everything was fine and dandy, y'know, until I decided to be honest and tell her stuff... Then we started fighting because I kept messing up, and she met Matt. Used him to make me jealous, so that I would shape up and be 'a good boyfriend'..." Dean paused. "... But it didn't work so we broke up."

Sam nodded. "So I bet you 20 bucks that she thinks that you're pulling the same shit on her, only using Cas."

"Yeah... Though, it makes me wonder why she hasn't understood why I've avoided her all this time..." Dean muttered. "You'd think they get the hint."

Sam shrugged. "Sometimes, women make absolutely no sense." he replied. "But seriously, just talk to Cas. Let him know how much he means to you. I know you like to let your actions speak louder than words, but sometimes thing just have to be said, you know?"

"Yeah. Because I'm so great with words, and talking to people never gets me in trouble." Dean huffed and crossed his arms, looking at his feet. "But I guess you're right..."

Sam pat Dean on the shoulder. "It'll be okay. From what I've seen, Cas gets more comfort out of you than anything. Now c’mon, let's watch some Dr. Sexy or something while Cas sleeps off his painkillers."

Dean wasn't sure that he believed Sam when he said that it would be okay. "Alright, to the couch it is, then," he said, heading to the living room to turn on the TV.

Castiel emerged a few hours later and walked into the living room shirtless, as he hadn't expected Sam to be there. He froze at the sight of the younger Winchester, and Sam's eyes widened at the sight of the scars and sigil littering Castiel's body.

"Oh." Castiel murmured, backing away quickly. "I..."

"It's all right, Cas. Really, I was just...surprised." Sam replied. Now he realized why Dean had been so worried earlier. 

Dean got to his feet, and went over to Castiel to pull him into a hug, and also to cover him up a bit. "Hey. It's alright," he murmured.

Castiel kept his arms tucked in, not wrapping them around Dean. "I....I'm going to put a shirt on," he replied. "I'm sorry Sam, I didn't realize..."

"It's okay Cas, really." Sam replied.

Dean swallowed softly. "If it makes you more comfortable, then yeah, go put on a shirt... But you know. Sam isn't judging you. It's okay, Cas."

Castiel let out a long breath. "Thank you both." he murmured. "I just...I'm going to put a shirt on," he repeated, pulling out of Dean's grip and leaving the room quickly.

Sam frowned. "Jeez...you really meant it when you said he had it bad..."

Dean sighed softly, and moved to sit on the couch again. "Those are old... But he..." He grimaced, rubbing his thighs in a nervous manner. "I think he... Did something today..."

"He had a bandage around his wrist," Sam murmured quietly. "Did he tell you how long it's been since he last...?"

Dean shook his head. "No, he didn't tell me that... Just told me about the sigil... Nothing else."

Sam nodded, squeezing Dean's knee. "He'll be okay." he murmured.

Castiel came back out in one of his long-sleeved shirts, giving Sam an embarrassed smile. "I'm sorry you had to see that." he murmured.

"No, it's all right Cas. I'm not judging you," he replied. Especially since he knew that Dean had issues with it as well, having found a few bloodied razors in the trash before.

Dean smiled slightly. "Heh. There's no denying it, my brother's awesome. Now c'mere," he said as he reached out his arms towards Castiel.

Castiel moved forwards and sat next to Dean, curling into his arms. Sam smiled at the sight. "You know Cas...I've never seen Dean smile like that at anyone before." he said quietly. Castiel's cheeks turned a little pink.

Dean didn't really know how to react to that. "... Well. Cas is one of a kind," he murmured, holding Castiel close and not planning to let go for a while.

Castiel's cheeks darkened, and he relaxed into Dean, happy to be close. "What are you watching?" he asked softly, head cushioned against Dean's chest.

"Dr. Sexy, M.D," Dean said without hesitation, grinning slightly. "Best show ever."

"He's been a fan for years," Sam told Castiel. "I've guessed he was bi for years because of it, he has the biggest crush on Dr. Sexy," Sam grinned.

Dean huffed softly. "Oh come on. Just because you find a guy attractive doesn't mean you're bi... Okay, it happens to be my case, but. It's not like that for everyone. Also, take a look at him and tell me he's not good looking."

Sam snorted, leaning back into the couch. "I wasn't saying everyone, I was saying you." He replied.

Castiel chuckled softly. "He's attractive, yes, but I've seen better."

Dean stuck out his tongue at Sam. "You still didn't have real proof until now, as far as I know." He looked at Castiel. "Oh, really now?"

Castiel smirked, shifting to press a kiss to the underside of Dean's chin. "You," he replied.

Sam snickered. "I dunno, you and Benny used to have eyesex all of the time."

Dean didn't know if he'd ever been as red as he was right then. "And here I thought you hadn't noticed..." He cleared his throat awkwardly as he caressed Castiel's side.

Sam's eyes widened in shock. "I was teasing! Something really went on between you and Benny?" he asked. Castiel closed his eyes; he wasn't jealous of the fact that Dean had liked Benny before, and to be honest, he was amused at Sam's reaction.

Dean groaned. "Shit. Well, uh... Crap. Yeah, we had a thing. There. The cat's out of the bag," he mumbled, feeling a bit foolish.

"Wow." Sam replied. "Well, turns out I was right after all." he chuckled. Castiel was relaxing, enjoying the banter between the brothers. It felt nice to be included, to feel like part of a family.

Dean rolled his eyes and smacked Sam gently on the shoulder. "You're usually right about things, so I don't know why you sound surprised."

Sam just laughed. "Well, I should probably go, you and Cas probably want some alone time." he stood. "Remember what we talked about?" he cocked an eyebrow at his brother.

"Yeah. I do." Dean nodded, and looked over at Sam. "You want me to drive you are you calling Jess?" he asked.

"I texted her when you went to hug Cas, I figured you'd want me to leave soon after. They're here now," he flashed his phone and a smile. "See you Dean, Cas."

Castiel nodded. "Thank you, Sam."

"Tell Jess not to eat you up, I'd like my brother intact, thanks." Dean winked at his brother, then smiled. "See you later Sam."

Sam blushed slightly, and stuck his tongue out at Dean before he left. Dean looked down at Castiel. He had such an urge to pull him onto his lap and hold him close, but didn't know if his ribs would like it. "Did you sleep well, Cas?"

Castiel nodded. "Painkillers tend to knock me out," he replied softly.

"Ah. Well, it's good that you got to rest." Dean pressed a kiss to the top of Castiel's head.

Castiel smiled softly, leaning into Dean. "Thank you for everything." he murmured. "Really."

Dean swallowed. "It's... It's nothing Cas. There's not a lot that I wouldn't do for you..."

Castiel shifted somewhat so he could look up at Dean. "I truly appreciate it." he murmured. "You've done so much for me already, and..." he sighed. "I haven't done a good job of repaying you, have I?"

Dean blinked, and cocked his head to the side. "What are you talking about? You don't need to repay me for anything, Cas."

"You've given me everything I've ever wanted." Castiel replied softly. "Friends, a family. Someone who cares about me no matter what. And all I've given you is a blowjob." he sighed.

Dean shook his head slightly. "That's not true Cas... You... You've made me stand up for myself, and you've given me a place where I can hide, be who I am and still not have to be all alone... Sleeping beside you is wonderful, too."

Castiel was quiet for a moment before he leaned up, his lips brushing Dean's in a gentle kiss. "I'm glad I could help," he murmured softly.

Dean smiled softly, and kissed back just as gently. "You mean a lot to me... Don't forget that, okay?"

"You mean a lot to me as well," Castiel replied, obviously a little happier than he had been before, looking as though there was at least a small weight off of his shoulders. Dean grinned happily, and leaned in for another kiss. He'd have to thank Sam later Castiel kissed him back until he had to breathe, the kisses much shorter than usual because he couldn't breathe out of his nose.

Dean didn't mind much, and just pressed soft kisses to the corners of Castiel's mouth while he got his breath back. Castiel shivered slightly at the gentle kisses. "I really like that..." he whispered, eyes closed. Dean hummed softly, letting his lips ghost over his boyfriend's cheek. Castiel let out a soft noise, melting in Dean's arms.

Dean pressed a soft kiss to Castiel's ear. "I... Cas... I'm not really good with words... I'm better with actions..." he murmured softly.

Castiel nodded, hand coming up to cup Dean's neck in a tender gesture. "It's all right," he murmured back. 

Dean bit his lip, and placed a hand on Castiel's thigh. "Can I... Can I show some appreciation...?"

Castiel nodded. "Try not to let me choke on my own breath," he murmured, kissing Dean's neck gently.

Dean chuckled softly, and gently squeezed and caressed Castiel's thigh. "I'll take care of you... Just lean back and relax."  
Castiel kissed him again before leaning back, eyes closed as he surrendered himself to the touches Dean was giving him. Dean shifted into a more appropriate position and placed his other hand on his other thigh, caressing them. He kissed his way down to Castiel's neck, nipping gently at the skin. Castiel spread his legs to give Dean more room, letting out soft gasps as the other kissed at his neck.

Dean continued to kiss Castiel's neck, slowly slipping his hands under the other's shirt, stroking his stomach and up to his chest. Castiel's lips were parted as he breathed, hands coming up to embrace his boyfriend, fingers splaying wide over his back. Dean hummed softly against Castiel's neck, letting his fingers brush over Castiel's nipples before gently pressing the pads of his thumbs against them and rubbing them slowly.

Castiel whimpered softly, his face contorting with pleasure as he whispered Dean's name. His hips started to press upwards, seeking friction.

"Just relax, hon... I'll take care of you," Dean murmured, retracting one hand so that he could push up Castiel's shirt and tuck it under his arms, holding it in place with his hands as he kissed his chest. Castiel's breathing was stuttering, his eyes closed as his muscles contracted and relaxed underneath Dean's lips.

Dean kissed his way over to a nipple, to kiss and lick at it. He dropped one of his hands again to ghost his fingers over the bulge in his boyfriend’s jeans. Castiel moaned, his eyes shut as he shivered. His hips pressed up, trying to gain more than just a gentle touch from Dean's fingers. Dean sucked gently on the nipple, before moving over to the other nipple. He gave in to Castiel, and started to stroke him through his pants. Castiel let out soft noises and moans, his hands stroking through the sandy blonde hair as he let the pleasure course through his body, hearing what Dean was trying to tell him through the gentle touches.

When he was done with the other nipple, Dean slowly kissed down Castiel's stomach as he used both hands to undo the button and zipper on Castiel's pants. He dipped his tongue into his navel, before pressing a soft kiss to it. Castiel moaned, his head arching back and stomach pressing into the gentle lips. "Dean..." he whimpered.

"Gonna make you feel good, alright...?" Dean murmured against Castiel's skin, before kissing and nibbling on it, worrying the skin and leaving a mark under the navel. He slipped his hands under Castiel's ass, and coaxed him into lifting himself so that his pants and underwear could be removed.

Castiel removed his shirt while he was at it, leaving him naked for the other. His erection was resting against his stomach now that it was free from the constraining clothing. His skin was pale against the light, casting his scars into a stark contrast to his skin. He opened his eyes slightly to look at Dean, blue eyes almost black with desire. "All right." he replied softly.

Dean couldn't help but groan at the sight of Castiel, naked and aroused, and looking absolutely gorgeous. He ran his hands over his sides, stomach, outer and inner thighs. "So beautiful..." he breathed out, kissing his way down to Castiel's erection, just to give it a long lick from the base of the shaft to the head. Castiel cried out softly, his hips arching up. His cheeks were flushed from arousal and embarrassment at the compliment.

Dean wrapped his fingers around the shaft of Castiel’s cock, and held it in place while slowly stroking it. He licked his lips nervously, before wrapping them around the head. It tasted a bit weird, but not weird enough that he couldn't get used to it.

Castiel was trembling. "D-Dean..." he breathed out. "Y-you don't have to I-if you don't want..." he groaned, his thighs trembling with the effort not to buck into Dean's mouth.

Dean pulled off to look at Castiel. "I want to," he murmured, then chewed, sucked, and licked on his lips to make them wet, before wrapping them around the head of Castiel's erection again. He sucked on it gently as he continued to stroke the shaft. Castiel mewled and whimpered, hands tightening on the couch.

Dean slowly lowered his head, getting more of Castiel's shaft into his mouth. He almost gagged as he went too far, feeling embarrassed as his mouth watered and he drooled around the shaft. Girls sure made it look easy. He began to slowly bob his head, making sure not to go too far again.

Castiel ran his fingers through Dean's hair, breathing hard. "It's okay," he whispered. "Little faster with your hand?" he asked softly. Dean went along with it instantly, picking up the pace in which he was stroking the shaft. He started sucking gently as he moved his head. He gently cupped Castiel’s balls in his free hand.

Castiel cried out, shuddering at the sensations. "D-Dean, I'm close," he warned, squirming slightly. Dean hummed softly and sucked a little harder, moving his head for a few more moments before pulling off, but didn't move away. He gently fondled Castiel's balls and continued to stroke his erection.

Castiel's body tensed hard before he cried out and came.

Dean blinked and leaned back in surprise as some of it landed on his face and neck, the rest staining his shirt or trickling down onto his fingers.

Castiel was breathing hard, eyes closed as he caught his breath. When he opened them, he tensed. "Oh God, Dean, I'm so sorry..."

Dean grinned sheepishly. "Don't worry about it, Cas... I should've known better," he said, chuckling softly. "So... Do I look erotic enough to be in a gay porn magazine?"

Castiel chuckled breathily. "You look very erotic," he replied, using the pad of his thumb to wipe a streak of come from Dean's cheek.

Dean let his hands rest on Castiel's thigh. "Your very own porn star," he joked, smiling as he looked at Castiel.

Castiel returned the smile. "Want me to return the favor?" he offered, licking his thumb and tasting himself. Not great, but he wanted to know what Dean's reaction would be.

Dean bit his lip as he stared at Castiel's thumb and mouth. "Uh... No, I... It would be difficult with... Y'know, the state of your nose," he pointed out.

"It wouldn't have to be a blow job," Castiel pointed out, his other hand trailing down Dean's side.

"Oh... Well. If you want to, I really wouldn't mind..." Dean moved so he could give Castiel a soft kiss.

Castiel returned the kiss. "I want to," he whispered, moving his hands to slide Dean's shirt up and off, shifting so he was sitting up and gently coaxing Dean to lie down on the couch.

Dean carefully lowered himself onto his back, then let out a soft sigh as he relaxed. "Mh... It's going to be awesome to have the right guy on top of me," he murmured, trying to make a joke out of what happened in the morning, but knew that he'd failed.

Castiel frowned slightly, hands gently tracing over Dean's sides, seeing the bruises from that morning. "That wasn't very humorous, Dean." he murmured softly. His hands started to map out Dean's torso, following the lines the way an artist would draw them, the way he would later draw Dean.

Dean sighed softly, again. "Yeah... Sounded funnier in my head," he mumbled, lifting his head so he could place his hands underneath it, keep them out of the way. He looked at his boyfriend as he felt himself relax under the touches. Castiel's hands traced over Dean's sides and abs before undoing the button and zipper. He left the clothing on as he shifted so he was over Dean, kissing him and tasting himself on the other's tongue. Dean kissed back eagerly, and moved his hands from under his head to reach up and curl them around Castiel's hips, rubbing the skin slowly with his thumbs.

Castiel smiled into the kiss, breaking it when he had to breathe, fingers finding and tweaking a nipple as he rest their foreheads together. Dean closed his eyes and bit into his lip to stifle a noise, grabbing a steady hold of Castiel's hips. Castiel started to kiss down Dean's neck, latching on and sucking a mark into the skin.

Dean let go of his lip to let out a soft moan. "We're never going to be mark-free, are we...?" He chuckled softly.

Castiel chuckled. "Give me a good reason why we should be," he murmured against Dean's neck.

"Let me think..." Dean hummed softly, and tapped Castiel's hip with a finger. "... Nah. Can't think of one."  
Castiel chuckled, and slid down, kissing down Dean's chest and his hips slid out of Dean's grasp. Dean moved his arms, putting his hands above his head, watching Castiel. Castiel slid down, kissing down Dean's chest and pulling down his pants and underwear. Dean shifted slightly to help Castiel remove the rest of his clothes, moaning softly when his erection was freed from any pressure.

Castiel smiled softly, eyes trailing over Dean's body. "Beautiful," he whispered, hand trailing up Dean's thigh and towards his erection.

Dean blushed slightly and shook his head. "Not as beautiful as you..." he murmured, closing his eyes.

Castiel snorted. "My body is thin and scarred. Yours..." he ran his other hand over Dean's chest. "Yours is beautiful." he ran his hand over Dean's scarred thigh.

Dean frowned as he opened his eyes, looking up at Castiel. "I think you're perfect as you are... But... If you want to get fit, I could help you," he murmured. "Though, as I said... I think you're perfect."

Castiel offered Dean a tight smile, before grasping the other's erection tightly, stroking it.

Dean shuddered, and bit back a moan. "I mean it, Cas..." he murmured. Castiel leaned forwards and kissed him, his hand stroking the other, his thumb rubbing the slit. Dean kissed back, his hands grasping at the cushion under his head, resisting the need to buck his hips. Castiel broke the kiss to shift backwards into a better position, tightening his grip rhythmically as he picked up the pace.

Dean bit down hard into his lower lip and tilted his head back, pressing into the cushion. After a while, he let go of his lip and moaned softly.

Castiel smiled. "I like it when you make those sounds," he murmured, leaning down to kiss the head, lapping away the precome.

Dean tightened his hold on the cushions, eyes tightly shut. "F-fuck, Cas-" he gasped.

Castiel hummed, his fingers coming up to trace over Dean's balls, before dipping right behind them. "Trust me," he murmured, before he pressed and rubbed on Dean's perineum, stimulating his prostate.

Dean had tensed up, feeling panic building up as he thought Castiel would do something else that he really wasn't prepared for, but relaxed quickly under the touch. "Holy- holy shit!" He groaned.

Castiel quirked a soft smile, continuing to stimulate there as he stroked the hard shaft in his hand. "It's all right," he whispered. "No farther, I promise."

Dean couldn't do much else than moan in reply, not being able to hold back as he bucked his hips. "Shit- Cas, I think I'm gonna-"

"Come for me," Castiel whispered, tightening his grip and pressing into Dean's perineum. 

Dean cried out as he came, his back arching off the couch slightly. When he was spent, he slumped back down, breathing heavily and not able to care that it hurt. "O-oh my God..."

Castiel felt the warm liquid hit his chest, and trickle over his fingers. He stroked Dean to the end, and looked at Dean worriedly. "Was that alright?”

"Cas, you... Hot damn. Hot damn," Dean mumbled, his eyes still closed, though he looked much more relaxed. "That was awesome." He slowly opened his eyes to look at Castiel.

Castiel smiled softly. "I'm glad you liked it." he murmured. "Although we both definitely need showers now," he chuckled softly.

Dean hummed softly. "You're probably right... Though, I dunno if I can move. I feel like I'm made of jelly."

Castiel smiled. "I'm glad you enjoyed it," he murmured, wanting to cuddle but afraid that Dean would mind, considering his chest was partially covered in semen. Dean returned the smile, and reached up to gently grab Castiel's head and carefully pull him down for a kiss.

Castiel returned the kiss, his hand coming up to cup against Dean's cheek. "I love you..." slipped out from his lips, lost in the tender gestures from the other.

Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel's shoulders, and kissed him again, deeper this time. Castiel shivered at the unspoken "I love you too," kissing Dean deeply until he had to breathe, although he didn't move very far away. He pressed close against Dean, the other teen's bare skin warm against his own.

"I... I'm not good with words," Dean whispered breathily, rubbing one of his thumbs against the skin of Castiel's back, closing his eyes to focus on the feeling of having his boyfriend so close to him.

"I know, but that doesn't mean I'm not hearing what you're telling me," Castiel whispered back, his head cushioned against Dean's shoulder as he relaxed, enjoying the feeling of being in Dean's arms, feeling so safe and protected.

Dean smiled softly, and nodded. "That's good," he murmured, thinking back on how Sam had told him to speak more. Maybe he didn't need to worry about it as much as he'd thought. Though he couldn't deny that it was good advice.

Castiel pressed a soft kiss to Dean's neck, scrunching his nose up a little as he tasted the dried come from earlier. He knew they should take a shower, but God knew he didn't want to get up. He was cherishing the moment, and he just closed his eyes, relaxing, loving the feel of Dean against him. Dean felt happy and so much at ease, that he could feel himself slowly drifting off, though he forced his eyes open. Falling asleep on the couch while covered in body fluids wasn't that great of an idea, even if it was really tempting. He tried to keep himself awake for as long as possible to enjoy the afterglow, but gave up after a while. "Damn... I'm gonna fall asleep if we don't move," he grumbled.

Castiel nodded, and slowly pulled himself up, making a face at the sensation of the cool, now dry semen crumbling on their chests. "Shower?" he murmured, getting off of the couch and giving Dean his hand.

"Yeah... A shower would be great." Dean accepted the hand and let himself be helped to his feet. He smiled as he came to think of how Castiel had helped him in the morning. "... I can't believe I'm actually happy about breaking someone's jaw," he mumbled, continuing to hold his boyfriend's hand as they headed to the bathroom.

Castiel chuckled. "Strange, isn't it?" he replied, squeezing Dean's hand softly before letting go to turn the shower on properly. "But I'm strangely happy as well...Thank you, for helping me like that." he murmured.

Dean lifted a brow and looked at Castiel. "... If I remember correctly, I kinda failed big time, and in the end it was you who helped me. So... Thank you." He smiled warmly.

Castiel flushed slightly. "I do have to take the bandage off," he warned Dean. "It is probably going to look awful."

Dean nodded. "Alright. You need any help with it or anything...?"

"I think I've got it," he replied, moving to the mirror to carefully remove the bandage. His nose was swollen and heavily bruised, mottled with purple and a little bit of green. Castiel immediately felt self conscious, keeping his head low.

Dean frowned slightly as he saw how Castiel lowered his head. "Hey... It's alright you know. A broken nose ain't going to have me run off screaming," he said softly, placing his hands on Castiel's shoulders.

 

Castiel leaned back into the touch. "I'm sorry." he murmured. "It's just...something that I am. I've always been self conscious, and it makes me insecure." he shivered slightly as the words left his mouth, he had never really been this honest before to someone. "Just...it makes my anxiety worse. But...you help calm me down." he whispered softly.

Dean pressed a kiss to the skin of Castiel's left shoulder. "It's fine, Cas... It's not exactly uncommon to be self conscious..." He shrugged slightly, then pressed more kisses to Castiel's skin. "I really don't care. I like you the way you are. I'd still like you, even if you got more muscular than me, or fat, or decided to start wearing dresses and calling yourself Claire."

Castiel closed his eyes, letting Dean's words comfort him. "Thank you," he murmured, leaning his head against Dean's for a moment before moving to get in the shower, holding the door open for Dean. Dean smiled softly as he stepped into the shower with Castiel. The water felt amazing against his skin, and he couldn't help but let out a contented sigh.

Castiel smiled softly, and grabbed a washcloth, soaping it up and starting to wash Dean's chest, the gestures tender and gentle.

Dean reached up to run his hands through Castiel's hair, loving the feel of it. "... I'm sorry Cas, but I gotta ask... What kind of things has Alistair said to you...?"

Castiel leaned into the touch. "You'll have to be a little more specific," he murmured. "Names, threats, what?"

"... I guess I'm thinking of names," Dean mumbled and pressed a soft kiss to Castiel's cheek.

Castiel sighed. "Every single variation of queer, little bitch, peasant, asstiel, piece of shit, whore, slut, just to name a handful. I can't even remember every name he's called me anymore."

Dean frowned and nodded slightly, starting to gently massage Castiel's scalp. "I really do wonder what makes him think he's so much better than other people... I mean. Apparently, he's also... Queer. Or something." He chewed on his lip.

Castiel flinched slightly at the word leaving Dean's mouth. "I don't know, nor do I care much." Castiel replied. "I just know he has it out for me, and that I need to try to avoid him as much as I can."

Dean thought about it for a while. "... I wonder if there's a way to... Get rid of him. You shouldn't have to hide."

Castiel shrugged. "It's not even a year left," he murmured. "Then I'm out of this town, away from Alistair."

Dean tilted his head slightly. "Where have you planned to go?" he asked.

"I want to go to the California Institute of the Arts," Castiel replied. "If I get in."

Dean smiled. "I'm sure you'll get in. You're great at art. Or, well. At least I think so."  
Castiel flushed slightly. "Would....would you like to come with me?" he asked softly.

Dean bit into his lip again. "... I would, I really would. But... Sam needs a place to stay. I'd like to think that he could stay with Jess, but since it'd be so long..." He sighed softly.

Castiel nodded, swallowing slightly. "Do you think... We could still do this?" he gestured at both of them. He wanted to keep this, wanted to stay with Dean for as long as he could, damn the distance.

Dean placed a soft kiss on Castiel's forehead. "Anything's possible if you put time and effort into it," he murmured.

Castiel gave Dean a soft smile. "I want to try," he murmured, leaning up to kiss Dean softly on the lips.

"Then we will try," Dean murmured against Castiel's lips, before returning the kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, we are so, sorry sorry that there was no chapter on Friday. I (Cinder) was dealing with some personal problems that Uke helped me with, and we completely forgot about the chapter until Saturday. So to make up for it, we're posting TWO chapters today! Look for the next one within the next ten minutes!
> 
> Once again, we apologize and will be back on our regular schedule after today.
> 
> ~Cinder


	16. Draw Me Like One Of Your French Girls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Spoilers**
> 
> Castiel decides he wants to draw Dean after their shower, and Dean agrees to it. After Castiel finishes his drawing, he starts to make dinner while Dean naps. When his doorbell goes off, though, the person on the door step isn't exactly the person Castiel wants to have visiting.
> 
>  **Trigger Warnings**  
>  Self harm scars

Castiel smiled into the kiss before pulling back. "Turn around so I can get your back," he murmured.

Dean nodded and turned around to let Castiel wash his back.

Castiel started to clean his back, kissing his shoulder. "May I...May I draw you?" he asked softly.

Dean blinked, and looked over his shoulder. "You want to do that after we finish showering?"

Castiel nodded. "If you're okay with that." he murmured.

Dean shrugged slightly. "Sure, why not. I've never been drawn before, though, so I might not be the best model."

"The easiest way is to pick a position you're comfortable holding for a fair amount of time." Castiel replied. "I'd love to do a complete sketch, but you're free to wear as much or as little clothing as you'd like."

Dean hummed softly. "Well, I don't have anything to hide... You're the artist. What's more... Uh... Convenient? Clothes or no clothes?"

"I'd prefer you without." Castiel replied softly, kissing the back of Dean's neck as he finished cleaning his back.

"Alright." Dean nodded, and smiled as he turned around after Castiel had finished, giving him a soft kiss.

Castiel returned the kiss, grabbing the shampoo to start washing his hair. "I think you'd be most comfortable lying down on a bed." he murmured thoughtfully.

"Yeah. Can't do a lot because of the ribs..." Dean grimaced as he took the bottle of shampoo after Castiel.

Castiel nodded, running his fingers through his hair as he lathered up the shampoo. "You can also sleep if you'd like," he murmured.

Dean began to wash his own hair. "Heh... Yeah. A nap does sound good, so maybe I will."

Castiel nodded, stepping more underneath the spray to rinse his hair out, humming softly to himself as he did.

"Mmh... If you want to, I could also pose for you when my ribs are better. When I'm able to do more stuff."

"I'd like that," Castiel replied softly, moving out from under the spray to let Dean rinse himself. "I'm going to get out and shave, all right?" he murmured, his stubble getting uncomfortably long.

"Alright, Cas." Dean nodded, before he stepped in under the spray, eyes closed as he rinsed the shampoo out of his hair.

Castiel stepped out of the shower, grabbing a towel and drying himself before heading to the sink, grabbing his shaving cream and razor, starting to shave. Dean stayed in the shower for a while, even after his hair had been properly rinsed. Though he didn't stay for too long, and he turned off the water with a soft sigh before carefully stepping out and grabbing a towel for himself.

Castiel was halfway done shaving, cursing as his fingers slipped and he nicked his cheek.

Dean blinked and looked at him, then chuckled softly as he got closer. "Need any help?"

"It's difficult, because I can't press as hard as usual to shave, because of my nose." he sighed. "Some help would be...appreciated."

"Alright, hot stuff." Dean smiled, wrapping the towel around his hips and securing it, before taking the razor from Castiel. He began to carefully shave off the rest of Castiel's stubble.

Castiel closed his eyes, keeping his head very still for Dean. He told him whenever he was pressing too hard, but other than that, it was going a lot easier.

Dean looked proud of himself when he'd finished, running a finger along Castiel's jaw and feeling the smooth skin. "Smooth like a baby's bum," he said with a smile.

Castiel chuckled. "Thank you," he murmured, kissing Dean gently before retrieving some more gauze and bandages, carefully taping his nose back up.

"You're welcome." Dean smiled as he rinsed the razor before letting it rest on the sink, then pulled his towel off to dry his hair with it.

Castiel dried his face off carefully, before looking at Dean. "Do you think you'd be more comfortable if I didn't wear clothes either?" he asked.

Dean shrugged slightly. "It doesn't bother me to be naked in front of you. It'd be kind... Odd if I was, yeah? So you can wear clothes, if you want to."

"I think I'll just put on a pair of sweatpants," Castiel replied. "I'm going to get my things ready, you go to my bed and try and find a position you're okay with."

Dean nodded. "Alright, will do," he said, deciding to leave the towel in the bathroom. It was cold when he exited the bathroom, but he managed as he made his way to Castiel's bedroom to settle down on the bed.

Castiel retrieved one of his larger drawing pads and a set of pencils, grabbing a pair of sweatpants and pulling them on before making his way to his room. He set the materials down and retrieved a nicer chair, setting it up. "Let me know whenever you're ready, all right?"

Dean had made himself comfortable on his back without a pillow under his head, one arm pressed against his side and the other resting on top of his stomach. "Gosh, I think I'm skipping the pillows. This is much more comfortable," he said, and turned his head to Castiel. "Is this alright or should I move?"

"That's totally fine," Castiel smiled, getting settled into the chair, his eyes tracing over Dean's body. He picked up his pencil and started to draw, eyes flicking back and forth between Dean and the drawing.

Dean closed his eyes, feeling slightly awkward staring at Castiel or nothing in particular. He wondered what the finished drawing would look like. Castiel continued to work. When he sketched out Dean's face, he murmured. "Dean? Are you awake?"

Dean slowly opened his eyes with a soft hum, and looked at Castiel. "Yeah, not enough tired to sleep, at least not yet... Why?"

"Keep your eyes just like that," Castiel replied, starting to draw the half-lidded gaze.

"Mmkay," Dean murmured, keeping his eyes glued on Castiel.

Castiel's pencil was moving as his eyes kept flicking up to Dean's and back down to the paper. When he finished drawing the other's gaze, he murmured "You can close them now, if you want."

Dean let out a soft sigh and closed his eyes again. Being a model for Castiel wasn't bad.

It took about an hour, and Castiel finished. "You can come over here and look now," Castiel told Dean. Dean nodded and got up from the bed to stand beside Castiel and look at the drawing.

The picture showed Dean lounging on the bed, his eyes piercing the viewer, and his lips slightly parted. His muscles were clear and well-defined, and there were freckles across his cheeks, and even the soft scars on his thighs, barely visible in real life, were there, barely visible, in the drawing. Castiel had clearly put a lot of effort into the details.

Dean almost felt a bit shy as he looked at the drawing of himself. "... Now, you must've made me look extra pretty or something," he mumbled as he stared at the art that Castiel had created. "It's amazing, though."

Castiel shook his head. "This is how I see you," he murmured, looking up at Dean, a proud smile on his face. He looked back down and carefully signed the corner, with the "C" and two black wings.

Dean blushed, and pressed a soft kiss to the top of Castiel's head. It was good to see Castiel look proud of himself. Castiel closed the sketchbook, and leaned into Dean. "What would you like for dinner?" he asked.

Dean loosely wrapped his arms around Castiel. "Mmh... Pasta bolognese? Oh, no- Something with chicken."

"I can make a really, really good teriyaki chicken?" Castiel suggested.

"Mmh. I approve of that, a lot," Dean replied with a smile.

Castiel smiled, leaning up to press a kiss to Dean's cheek. "I'm going to go and make that, then. You're welcome to help, or do whatever you want." he murmured.

Dean couldn't help but lift one of his hands to carefully touch the smooth skin on Castiel's jaw and chin. "Alright, hon. I'll come bug you if I don't find anything else to do." He smiled.

Castiel leaned into the touch with a smile, humming contently before standing from his seat, leaning up to kiss Dean gently before pulling on a light t-shirt, one of the two he owned, and headed downstairs to the kitchen. He started to prepare the teriyaki marinade and sauce, taking some chicken out to thaw.

Dean smiled to himself, then groaned suddenly as he thought about his suitcase downstairs. He went to fetch it, then brought it back up to Castiel's room. He pulled on a t-shirt and a pair of clean boxers, before deciding to go relax on the couch. He felt relieved as he sat down on the couch, relaxing in the seat. Sitting up sure was easier on his ribs than it was to lie down, and it didn't take long until he drifted off into a light slumber. Castiel finished preparing the chicken, leaving them to marinate on the counter. He washed his hands and made his way into the living room, smiling at the sight of Dean sleeping. He leaned over and stole a kiss before making his way out of the room.

It wasn't much longer before there was a knock on Castiel's door. Confused, Castiel went to see who it was, peeking out the peephole first, and backing away quickly, face pale. "No..." he whispered, eyes wide.

Zachariah was standing on his door step.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this is such a short chapter, I just really wanted to end it on a cliffhanger (I know, I'm evil. Blame me, not Uke.)  
> Although the title of the chapter made it worth it, no?
> 
> ~Cinder


	17. Zachariah

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILERS**
> 
> Zachariah breaks into Castiel's house and attempts to harm Dean and Castiel. Luckily, Dean has called the police, so they arrive and arrest Zachariah. Dean goes to the hospital, having sustained a few punche to hiss still-healing ribs. Castiel give his witness report before joining Dean, and he gets his boyfriend home to care for him soon after.
> 
> **TRIGGER WARNINGS **  
> Breaking into a house, slurs, physical violence, attempted murder, disscussions of injuries, mentions of child abuse.****
> 
> ****THIS IS A TRIGGER HEAVY CHAPTER, IF ANY OF THIS TRIGGERS YOU PLEASE READ THE SUMMARY INSTEAD** **

Dean was blissfully unaware what was happening, having fallen deeper into unconsciousness and not waking up at the knocking. He would probably be furious if he knew that Zachariah was just outside, looking irritated as he waited for someone to open the door so that he could go through with whatever plan he had.

"Dean!" Castiel called out, voice terrified. "Dean, call the police, please!"

Dean woke up when his name was being called, and stumbled to his feet, almost falling over. "C-Cas, what's going on?" he called back, then remembered to get the phone.

"Z-Zachariah's here!" Castiel replied, voice shaken. He had somehow managed to avoid any home visits from Alistair and his cronies, but the fact that they knew where he lived absolutely terrified him.

Dean cursed as he finally found the phone, fumbling quite a bit and almost dropping it as he dialed the emergency number. "Cas, calm down. Did you see if he has anything on him?" He pressed the phone to his ear, waiting for the call to connect.

"I-I don't know..." Castiel was almost in tears.

Zachariah started pounding on the door. "Open up, you little faggot!" he called. "I know you're in there, Winchester's piece of shit car is right here!"

"It's okay Cas- Just, stay away from the door! Take cover behind something!" Dean gritted his teeth and resisted the urge to shout back. It wouldn't help them, especially not when he was the one calling the police. The call finally connected. "Ah- Oh God, hey, we have a guy pounding on the front door... No clue if he's got anything on him..." He spoke quietly about their situation and where they were located, even if it was unlikely that Zachariah would hear him.

Castiel was curled up in the kitchen corner, in the throes of a panic attack as Zachariah continued to pound. He whimpered and covered his head as he heard a window shatter. 

Zachariah climbed in, a strange blade made of silver in his hand. "Come out come out wherever you are," Zachariah called out.

Dean stopped breathing for a second. "H-he's in the house... Broke a window," he whispered into the phone. He felt really small right then, just like he had when his father had started getting physical with the abuse. He looked over at Castiel. "Cas, it's gonna be okay," he murmured as he kneeled down beside him. Castiel flinched as Dean got closer, curling up tighter as he tried to be quiet, his face contorted with pain.

The operator promised help would be there soon, and asked them to stay on the line with her.

Zachariah was moving through the house. "C’mon faggots, lets just get it over with! You're going to give up sooner or later, let's just save us the hassle, yes?"

Dean got back up on his feet and stood in front of Castiel, carefully watching the opening to the kitchen. He didn't want to have Zachariah sneaking up on them. He'd rather offer himself up, face to face, than do nothing to protect Castiel - even if he started to feel like throwing up from the stress. "Hurry," he pleaded to the woman on the other end of the line.

After a few minutes, Zachariah appeared in the entrance. "There we are," he grinned, throwing the blade toward Dean's head.

Luckily his aim was off, and Dean dropped the phone as he let out a yell and pressed a hand to his face where the blade had sliced the skin.. "... You... You son of a bitch!" he shouted, and moved to throw himself at Zachariah, acting on his anger rather than common sense. Zachariah grinned and immediately went for Dean's ribs, punching him hard in his left side.

Dean yelled in pain and stumbled, but managed to grab a hold of Zachariah's clothes, making them both fall to the floor. He clawed at Zachariah's chest and shoulders, trying to get a grip on his neck. Zachariah kept going for Dean's ribs, landing a few hits.

Castiel uncurled and lunged forwards, punching Zachariah in the jaw, but knocked unconscious when Zachariah elbowed him in the temple. Dean grabbed Zachariah's shirt and pulled him back towards him, using his surprise to finally get a hold of his throat and squeeze. Everything hurt so bad, but he pulled with his free arm and kicked with his legs, doing anything in an attempt to get Zachariah on his back and try getting an upper hand. He lost his focus when he heard the front door burst open, and got punched in the face.

"Freeze!" Rufus Turner called, rushing forwards with a few more policemen to pull Zachariah and Dean apart from each other. They immediately cuffed both of the boys, unsure which one was the danger. Dean only struggled before he realised that they were policemen, and then settled down, letting them do what they had to do. He knew that he must be bleeding from his head, and when he coughed up a bit of blood, he guessed his head wasn't the only thing damaged. He looked over at Castiel, but didn't get a very long look as the police officer that cuffed him made him move it so they could get out of the house.

Castiel was being tended to by another officer, and he was slowly blinking his eyes open, although they were slightly unfocused. "Dean," he muttered, trying to move.

"Slow down there, kiddo," Theo said. "You took a nasty beating to the head. Look at me."

Zachariah was thrashing against the handcuffs, trying to fight the officer taking him in. "What are you doing? I called you, this guy broke into my home and assaulted me!"

The officer, Mark Campbell, huffed angrily and tightened the grip he had on Zachariah. "You better settle down like he did, or I'll make you! We saw a fight, so we're taking both of you until we get this mess sorted out."

Dean remained quiet, lowering his head to stare at the floor. Jeff Krause was pleased with getting the lesser of the two devils to handle, and he turned to his boss. "Hey, Mr. Turner, what do you want us to do with these guys? This one looks pretty banged up, but fully conscious..."

Rufus turned to look at them. "Hey… Aren't you Dean Winchester? Bobby Singer's boy?" he asked.

Dean tried to clear his throat but ended up coughing, taking a few moments before he lifted his head to look at Rufus. "Yeah... That'd be me..."

Rufus bit his lip. "Get Winchester some medical care, he's clearly in a lot of pain. I'll handle the other one. Daniel, how's the third boy?"

"He keeps asking for Dean, won't stay still," Daniel grumbled. "He took a wallop to the head, but I think he'll be fine."

Jeff nodded. "Yes sir. C'mon, Mr. Winchester," he said, and led Dean outside to the cars to help patch him up a bit until he got proper care.

Mark was almost growling through his gritted teeth as Zachariah kept trying his patience, but didn't do anything inappropriate. He did like his job. Most of the time. "Fuck you, Winchester!" Zachariah called out. "You won't get away with it just because you're buddy-buddy with a cop!"

Castiel was trying to get up, pulling himself to a standing position when Gabriel was distracted. "It was Zachariah," he replied, voice hoarse. "I can give many, many points of evidence that it was him, starting with that," he pointed to the silver knife that had lodged itself into a cabinet.

Mark narrowed his eyes as he looked at the knife, then at Zachariah. "... I guess some fingerprints will determine if he's lying or not, yeah?" he muttered, then turned to Castiel. "Don't you worry, kid, we've got this. Sit down and take it easy until you feel ready to tell us what happened."

Rufus nodded, carefully taking the knife out and dropping it in a plastic bag. Castiel sat down at the counter, looking shaken, but he had defiance in his eyes as he glared at Zachariah. "Take Winchester and this down down to the station. Jeff can interview this one, Mark can get Winchester and I'll handle Zachariah,” Rufus ordered.

Mark looked a little too happy to pass Zachariah over to Rufus later on. "Yes sir. I'll inform Jeff when I pass him," he said, and moved himself and Zachariah out through the door and over to one of the cars.

Rufus looked at Castiel. "You one of Dean's friends?" he asked.

Castiel nodded. "Yes sir."

He nodded. "You take care of that boy, all right? Sometimes he gets so wrapped up in taking care of his little brother that he forgets himself."

Mark struggled quite a bit to get Zachariah to go into the car, but eventually he got him locked inside. "Hey Jeff, you're interviewing the kid Theo's taking care of," he said, before getting into the car.

Jeff just gave a nod, and finished wrapping some gauze and bandage around Dean's head to try and stop the bleeding. "How do you feel?"

Dean coughed, hating the metallic taste that invaded his mouth. "Like crap..."

Rufus left the house with Theo. "All right Winchester, you're with me." he replied. "Jeff, how bad are his injuries?"

Jeff sighed. "Keeps coughing blood, sir. Told me he's got a couple of broken ribs, other guy kept aiming for them. The gash in his head hasn't stopped bleeding- I suspect he might need stitches. Wrapped it up the best I could."

Rufus nodded. "Mark," he rapped on the window. "You take Winchester to the hospital and then to the station, all right? Jeff, get in there and interview the other kid while it's still fresh."

"Got it." Mark nodded quickly, then gave an annoyed look. "Look out for the other guy, Mr. Turner. Real pain in the ass. See you later at the station." He made sure that Dean was buckled up properly, before driving off to the hospital.

Jeff didn't waste any time in heading back into the house and seeking out Castiel. Castiel was waiting in the kitchen, looking shaken, but determined. "Thank you for your help, sir. I was afraid he was going to kill us," he murmured.

Jeff gave him a small, reassuring smile. "It's not over just yet, but you're welcome. Would you like to sit somewhere more comfortable, Mr...?" he asked.

"Novak. Castiel Novak." he replied. "And we can move to the couch, if that's alright with you?"

Jeff nodded. "Of course, Mr. Novak," he said, and followed Castiel over to the living room and the couch.

Castiel sat down, indicating that Jeff should sit as well. "I'm willing to answer any and all questions," he murmured.

Jeff sat down, and took out a small notebook and a pen. "Alright. Mr. Novak." He flipped to a new page. "Alright. About what time did you know that the attacker was here? Tell me what he did."

"it was around 7pm, and he knocked on my door at first. I didn't open it however, Zachariah has physically assaulted me more than a few times at school, and is actually the reason for this," he pointed at his nose. "So I called for Dean to call the police, and we hid in the kitchen, since it's out of the way. I was having a panic attack, since I have anxiety problems aggravated by Zachariah, and he broke a window to enter. When he found us, he threw that knife at Dean's head."

Jeff hesitated slightly at the school part, but quickly continued to write. "What were you and Dean doing at 7pm?"

"I was making dinner, Dean was asleep on the couch," Castiel replied.

Jeff nodded. "You say that your injured nose - broken, I take it - was caused by Zachariah... When did this happen?"

"This morning. He and his… I loathe to call him friend, Alistair, assaulted Dean and myself outside of school. Dean did fight back, and broke Alistair's jaw. You can confirm this with Jo Harvelle, or any administrator at the school."

Jeff nodded, glancing at Castiel every now and then as he wrote. "... So. What are the reasons to these assaults?"

Castiel caught Jeff's eyes in his unblinking stare. "Dean Winchester is not just my friend. He is my boyfriend." he replied. "And our sexuality draws a lot of unwanted attention."

Jeff nodded, and wrote it down. "Alright. Is there anything else you'd like to tell me?"

"That somehow, and I have no proof of this, Alistair and/or Zacariah have access to government information that they shouldn't. As an emancipated minor, my address is sealed, the school doesn't even have a copy. So the fact that Zachariah was able to find my house is unsettling."

Jeff looked puzzled at this as he wrote it down. "Okay... We'll look into that. Now, do you have any questions, Mr. Novak?"

"Just if I can get a ride to the station, and wait to see Dean." Castiel replied. "I don't know how to drive."

"He's currently on his way, or already at the hospital, so it might take a while before he's available. Though, you are free to come along, if you're willing to wait."

Castiel nodded. "I am. Is he alright?" he asked, clearly worried.

Jeff reached over to place a hand on Castiel's shoulder. "He was fully conscious when I saw him. I'm not a doctor, but I think he'll be just fine with the right care."

Castiel nodded, standing up. "Let me grab my keys, I'll meet you outside, if that's all right? Thank you for the ride."

"It's my job to keep people safe. You're welcome." Jeff offered a smiled and gently patted Castiel on the shoulder, before heading outside.

Castiel retrieved his keys and took his medication (not wanting to forget in the heat of everything) before making his way outside.

Jeff held the car door open for Castiel, and made sure that he was properly settled before closing the door, and then slid into the driver's seat. "See that box by your feet? There are bags in there, in case you need to hurl."

Castiel nodded. "I'll be fine." he replied. "I'm just shaken. I don't vomit easily."

"Alright, Mr. Novak." Jeff nodded, and started driving towards the station. Castiel remained quiet, playing with his phone in one of his hands as they drove. Once they arrived at the station, Castiel thanked Jeff repeatedly before settling on a couch, waiting until he was allowed to see Dean.

It was indeed a long wait, and some officers had even gone home for the day. Finally, Jeff came over to Castiel. "Hey. You can see Mr. Winchester now. Just follow me, alright?"  
Castiel perked up and nodded, following Jeff.

Jeff led Castiel over to the custody cell that they were keeping Dean in, unlocking the door and letting Castiel inside. Dean looked up as the door opened. His head was wrapped up, and a big bruise was forming on his cheek bone, the swelling making it look like he was squinting.

"Dean..." Castiel murmured, moving to carefully embrace the other, burying his face into Dean's shoulder. "I'm so sorry..." he whispered.

Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel in return. "You mean I look that bad? Guess I did a good job in looking like a mummy," he joked. "No, but seriously, it's not your fault, Cas..."

Castiel just held Dean close. "When are they releasing you?" he asked softly, pressing a kiss to Dean's shoulder.

"I think they'll release me on police bail, any moment now... They-" Dean brought a hand up to cough into it. "They think it's better if I go home, rest up, and come back if they have more questions..."

Castiel nodded. "I'll take care of you, I promise." he murmured.

"Well aren't you two adorable," Rufus commented as he walked in. "Seriously, brings a tear to my eye. Well, you're free to go, Dean, and you tell Singer to bite me."

Dean kept one arm around Castiel and lifted the other into the air. "Victory for the injured. And yeah, I will." He smiled slightly.

Jeff, who was still there, spoke up. "I'm getting off my shift now, so I can give you a lift if you need one.

Castiel turned to look at Jeff, his arms still around Dean. "That would've very much appreciated. Thank you, for everything you've done for us today."

Jeff just smiled. "Hey, it's our job to help. It's really no problem, Mr. Novak."

Dean let himself smile. Castiel slowly got up, offering Dean his shoulder as support as they walked out. Dean wrapped his arm around Castiel's shoulders, trying not to lean on him too much.

Jeff led them out through the station, and to his car. Castiel slid into the backseat with Dean, fingers bruising lightly over his cheek. "I'm glad you're okay, relatively speaking. How are your ribs?"

Dean sighed softly, and felt relieved when Jeff started driving. He was finally going home to Castiel's. "Bad. Really bad. They were surprised I haven't punctured anything... Told me I was really lucky."

Castiel nodded. "I'll sleep in a separate bed tonight, just in case, all right?"

Dean frowned. "That won't be necessary... They want me to either sit or stand up until I've gotten a bit better. It's less painful, too, I admit... So, I'll just be sleeping in the living room or something..."

Castiel nodded. "All right." he murmured.

Dean gently rubbed Castiel's shoulder. "Let's make something easy to eat and just be lazy for the rest of the night..." he murmured.

"Sounds good to me." Cas replied. Dean nodded slowly, and closed his eyes.

Jeff parked by the sidewalk when they reached Castiel's home. "Alright, boys. If anything else happens, make sure to notify us immediately, alright?"

"Of course," Castiel replied, carefully helping Dean out of the car and into the house, settling him on the couch. "What can I get you? Do you need anything?" he asked, clearly worried.

"A sandwich and something warm to drink would be good... A kiss would be even better." Dean grinned slightly. "You shouldn't stress over me, Cas. How's your head?"

"It's fine, aching a little, but fine," Castiel replied, kissing Dean softly and gently. "How does a ham sandwich sound, and water to drink?"

Dean smiled softly as he returned the kiss. "Sounds perfect, Cas. Thank you."

Castiel smiled, and got up, fixing them both some sandwiches and bringing Dean some water. He gave the other his food, settling down on the couch, careful of Dean's sides.  
Dean thank Castiel as he accepted the food, then took a sip of his water. "... I wonder what will happen now," he said quietly as he picked up a sandwich.

"What did they say?" Castiel asked quietly.

"Well... I did try to choke Zachariah, so that might get me in trouble if they don't see it as self defense..." Dean shrugged slightly. "Though, I think they believe me, especially after photos were taken. I'm like a smurf - Blue all over..."

Castiel frowned slightly. "I did tell them about us. They asked what was provoking the attacks." he looked at Dean. "Are you sure there's nothing else you need?"

Dean nodded. "Yeah, I'm sure. And yeah... Gosh. I do hope he gets locked up somewhere far away so I don't have to see his ugly mug ever again," he grumbled.

"I agree." Castiel murmured, kissing Dean again as he continued eating. "What do you want to do? Just cuddle, or watch a movie...?" he asked once they had finished eating.

"Mmh... We could always do both." Dean smiled as he wrapped an arm around Castiel, and pressed a kiss to his cheek. Castiel smiled, and nuzzled into Dean's neck, gently kissing one of the marks he had left. Dean chuckled softly, and rubbed his thumb over Castiel's upper arm. "Man... Sam will flip when he hears about this. And so will Bobby."

Castiel stiffened. "You should call Sam, make sure he's okay," he urged. "My address is sealed information because I'm a minor, and if they could find my house, they can find Bobby's."

"Sam's at Jess' place. But yeah... That's even worse, when I think of it. Only a fool would try go to Bobby's, y'see. It's no secret where he lives, but his reputation of the 'town's drunk' is very... True, actually, but the title's very misgiving, too," Dean mumbled.

"How so?" Castiel asked, looking up at Dean. His eyes were clearly tired.

"Pitbulls, to start with, and shotguns," Dean said, and paused as he looked at Castiel. "... Hey. Do you wanna tuck in for the night?"

"I probably should, but I don't want to move too far away from you," Castiel replied softly.

"You could always sleep here on the couch... I could just take an armchair or something." Dean ran a finger along Castiel's jaw.

Castiel nodded, leaning into the touch. "I have to change my bandages, you tell me if you need help with yours?"

"Okay, though not tonight, maybe in the morning..." Dean kissed Castiel's forehead.

Castiel leaned up and kissed Dean on the lips. "All right," he murmured, carefully getting up and heading upstairs.

Dean watched Castiel head upstairs. He got up for the couch and looked around for his phone, sighing in relief as he found it. He texted Sam to call him as soon as possible, not wanting to call in case they were busy. Reluctantly, he called Bobby, who picked up surprisingly quickly. "Hey, Bobby... Yeah, I'm fine, so's Sam, what I know... Uh-huh. Mh. So, listen, Rufus Turner said to bite him- Uh. No, you see..." He spoke quietly, and explained to Bobby what had happened. It felt nice to hear the familiar, gruff voice.

Bobby stayed quiet while Dean was talking. "Well, I can help find you boys a lawyer, in case this gets any farther," Bobby replied. "Glad you ain't dead though. You need anything, or does that boyfriend of yours have it covered?"

"Thanks Bobby. I'll make sure to keep you updated. And yeah, I've got all I need - as far as I know... I'll call if we need anything." Dean smiled.

"Uh-huh. You stay safe boy." Bobby replies before hanging up.

Castiel came back down a few minutes later, shirtless with a pair of boxers, and a clean pair of boxers and t-shirt for Dean, as well as some blankets for them both. Dean put his phone on the table, and smiled as he turned to Castiel, taking the boxers and t-shirt from him. "Hey. Guess what? Got some good news, for once."

Castiel tilted his head quizzically. "What happened?"

"Spoke to Bobby. Said he'll help us find a lawyer if it comes to the point that we need one," Dean said as he started changing, biting his lip when he had to lift his arms.

Castiel moved to help Dean peel his shirt off. "You shouldn’t put a shirt on," he murmured. "It looks really painful.

"I told you I was a smurf," Dean grumbled as he looked down at himself. "And yeah, it is... I'm really glad it doesn't itch."

Castiel winced at the sight. "Here, let me get your pants." he murmured, kneeling down to pull Dean’s pants from his legs.  
Dean felt embarrassed, but was thankful that Castiel was willing to help him. He obediently stepped out of his pants when they had been pulled down.

Castiel folded them neatly, standing again. "Sleep," he murmured, kissing Dean softly.  
"Yeah... Some sleep would be good," Dean agreed, returning the kiss just as softly, then moved over to the armchair to make himself comfortable.

Castiel settled on the couch, watching Dean as he got comfortable. Dean sighed softly as he was settled and wrapped up in blankets.

Castiel smiled. "Good night, Dean. Angels are watching over you," he whispered softly.

Dean smiled softly as he closed his eyes. "Good night, Cas..."

Castiel fell asleep not long after Dean.


	18. Grief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **MAJOR SPOILERS**
> 
> Dean decides to make breakfast to keep himself busy while Castiel sleeps. Once Castiel wakes up, they eat and discuss Dean's future, and Castiel convinces Dean to apply for custody of Sam, for both of their sakes. But Sam calls a little while later to tell Dean that he has found John's body. Dean goes to his brother, and they comfort each other, promising to stay together. Jess and Castiel join them for support, and the two couples go to Bobby's for safety and comfort. Dean can't sleep, and heads downstairs with the intention of getting drunk.
> 
>  **MAJOR TRIGGER WARNINGS**  
>  Minor character death, alcoholism (both discussed and actual drinking occur) mentions of child abuse/neglect, unhealthy grieving mechanisms
> 
> THIS IS A TRIGGER HEAVY CHAPTER. IF ANY OF THIS TRIGGERS YOU, PLEASE READ THE SUMMARY INSTEAD

Dean woke up several times during the night, but managed to quickly fall asleep again. Though when morning came around, he decided to get up and head to the bathroom instead of going back to sleep, even if it was the only thing he really felt like doing.

Castiel was asleep on the couch, hair mussed and lips slightly parted as he breathed.

 

 

Dean came back to the living room, and smiled softly at the sight of his boyfriend sleeping, finding him adorable. He watched him for a while, until his phone started ringing with a call from Sam. He went into the kitchen to speak with his brother, then decided to make breakfast.

Castiel woke an hour later, panicking when he didn't see Dean. "Dean?" he called out, worried.

Dean popped his head out of the kitchen when he heard Castiel calling him. "Oh, morning, sleeping beauty. You want some breakfast? I made pancakes."

"Should you be up and moving?" Castiel asked, getting up.

"I felt I needed to do something, and you needed the sleep,” Dean replied simply and went back to work.

Castiel sighed and went into the kitchen. "Smells delicious," he murmured, pecking Dean's cheek.

Dean smiled, wrapping his arms around Castiel and pulling him into a careful hug. "I'm glad it does."

 

Castiel hugged him back. "How is everything feeling today?"

"I’m hurting all over... But I slept well, so it's okay."

Castiel nodded. "You should take it easy," he murmured. "Lets eat, and then just watch a movie or something."

Dean nodded, pulling away slightly to give Castiel's cheek a soft kiss. "Yeah, that sounds good."

Castiel smiled at the kiss. He pulled away to get the plates ready, splitting the pancakes Dean had made. "I'll change your bandages after breakfast, all right?"

Dean grimaced at the thought of getting his bandages changed. "Yeah, alright... Just be warned, it's not a pretty sight."

Castiel would have snorted if he could. "Dean. Remember what you told me yesterday?" he reminded him softly. "That a broken nose wouldn't send you running? The same goes for me," he murmured, handing Dean his breakfast and kissing his cheek.

Dean blinked slowly, then smiled brightly, as if Castiel had just made his day. "Yeah, that's true..."

Castiel smiled at the sight of the one on Dean's face. "Did Sam ever call you back?" he asked, suddenly worried as the thought occurred to him.

"Yeah, while you were still asleep. He's safe, but said that he'll be extra careful and stuff, and I told him to call Bobby. That's basically it..." Dean chuckled awkwardly. "Man, it's weird to worry about someone that isn't Dad..."

Castiel nodded, frowning slightly as he ate. "It would be so much easier for you if you didn't know me..." he muttered quietly.

Dean looked down at his breakfast, poking at it. "... Or I might've still been in hospital, hanging on by a thread." He shrugged slightly. "There's no telling what Dad would've done if you weren't there, Cas."

Castiel looked up at Dean, his eyes so much more tired than the rest of his face. "Please, I'm almost begging you, apply for custody of Sam." he murmured.

Dean sighed, then nodded slowly. "Alright... I can't promise any positive results, though."

"You'll be able to win it," he replied. "Your father is constantly drunk, and do you have hospital records after he's beaten you?"

"No, we..." Dean swallowed, and lower his head. "... Y-yes. Bobby's the safe keeper of our copies. But... He's still my dad. I don't know if I can... I mean, they will..."

Castiel set his plate down and moved to carefully hug Dean. "He's no father to you," he murmured. "Fathers are supposed to help their sons, encourage them. Not beat them, and hurt them. You're risking Sam's safety the longer you put this off, and you're risking your own life."

Dean covered his face and sniffled quietly. "He taught me how to drive, Cas. Once he was sober long enough to take us to a football game with Bobby... When we got sick, he used to let us borrow his big, warm clothes and he'd make us chili... Maybe I'm crazy, fucked up, but that man is still my dad... And I want him back, not sent away."

Castiel held Dean close, letting him hide in his chest, rubbing his back soothingly. "I understand," his own voice cracked. "And I just am so scared for you and Sam, Dean...you know that's the only reason I'm asking this of you. Because I love you, and Sam too."

Dean wrapped his arms tightly around Castiel's middle. "I'm... Gonna have to speak to Sammy..." he said in a small voice, shaking slightly with the effort of keeping it all in.

Castiel gasped slightly, but didn't say anything as Dean tightened his grip. "It's okay to let go, Dean," he murmured. "I'm not going to judge you at all. What right do I have to do that?" he pressed his lips to Dean's head and kept them there.

Tears ran down Dean's face, and he let out a pained sob. His whole body hurt, and so did his heart. It was just all too painful to keep in. "It hurts so bad, Castiel," he whimpered and tried to calm his breathing.

Castiel held Dean close, humming softly as he rubbed his back. "Please Dean, let me help you." he murmured. "Talk to me, please..."

Dean couldn't form any words, just ending up sobbing whenever he tried. Castiel just held Dean close, and he started to sing softly, kissing Dean's head whenever he took a breath between lines. "Carry on my wayward son...there'll be peace when you are done...lay your weary head to rest...don't you cry no more..." 

At first, Dean just cried harder, but then gradually calmed down. His hold around Castiel loosened slowly, and he sniffled quietly while he listened to him sing. Castiel was running his fingers through Dean's hair, finishing the song with one last "Don't you cry no more..." Before he grabbed a napkin and started gently wiping the tears from Dean's face. "Little better?" he asked softly.

Dean nodded slowly, letting himself be taken care of. "You sing just like mom used to..." he murmured. "Taking a good song and making it into some sort of lullaby..."

Castiel offered Dean a soft smile. "My mom used to do that for me as well," he told Dean softly. "Carry On Wayward Son was her favorite to sing me."

"Our mothers would’ve been great friends... Mom loved 'Hey Jude'." Dean pulled away just a little, to be able to look at Castiel properly.

Castiel pressed a soft kiss to Dean's lips. "Let me help you, however I can, please?" Castiel asked softly.

Dean nodded slowly, sniffling. "I'll try," he whispered.

Castiel kissed Dean's forehead softly. "I'm going to get the bandages, stay here and finish your breakfast, please?"

"Yeah, okay. I will." Dean reluctantly let go of Castiel, and turned back to his breakfast.

Castiel retrieved the gauze and medical tape he would need, as well as neosporin to prevent infection, returning to the kitchen. "Ready?" he asked, setting what he needed down onto the table.

Dean had just finished eating when Castiel came back, and wrinkled his nose. "Not really, but I don't have much of a choice," he mumbled.

Castiel gave him a soft smile, hands moving to carefully undo the one around Dean's head first. Dean closed his eyes and kept still, letting Castiel work. Castiel didn't bat an eyelash at the gash on Dean's head, carefully applying the Neosporin before wrapping Dean back up, disposing of the dirty bandages. "Was that so bad?" he asked, washing his hands.

Dean pursed his lips and gave Castiel a look. "I guess it wasn't... Especially not when I think of that window we need to fix."

Castiel nodded. "I put plastic over it last night once you were asleep. But I don't know if I'm going to have the money to fix it… I have hospital bills to pay now, and those are pricey."

"Yeah... True..." Dean leaned back in the chair, and looked at the floor as he tried to think.

Castiel sighed, cleaning up the plates. "I'm honestly not sure what I'm going to do about it.”

He was interrupted when Dean's phone started to ring; Sam was calling.

Dean jumped a little, and stood up to pick up his phone that he had conveniently placed on the kitchen counter earlier. He blinked, and accepted the call. "Hey, Sammy."

"Dean..." Sam' voice was cracking. "Dean...you need to get home. It's..." he swallowed hard. "It's Dad..."

"I... Sam... W-what happened?" Dean clenched his free hand into a fist, feeling himself turn cold. It didn’t sound good.

"He's dead," Sam's voice broke on the last word. "I-I came to the house to get something I forgot, and I-I found him....Dean please, I can't do this by myself...."

"... I'll be there in a heartbeat. Do you want me to stay on the phone with you, Sammy?" Dean was already out of the kitchen, and moved to the bedroom to get dressed. He felt numb, focusing only on getting to Sam to comfort him and trying not to think of what had happened.

"It's fine, just...hurry, please. But don't kill anyone on the way out, and tell Cas!" Sam replied before hanging up.

Castiel was following behind Dean. "Dean, what happened?" he asked, rushing to help Dean pull on clothes before the other hurt himself.

Dean breathed slowly, focusing on the distracting pain he caused to himself before Castiel helped him. "Dad's dead, apparently," he said, staring blankly at his phone on the bed. "Gotta go home."

Castiel's eyes widened in shock. "Dean… I… I'm so sorry," he murmured. He had never wanted this. He wanted Sam and Dean away from John, yes, but not like this.

"I'm fine. Sammy's not." When fully dressed, Dean pocketed his phone. "I'm sorry to leave so quickly, Sam needs me. I'll call you later."

Castiel nodded. "Promise me you'll stay safe, please." He replied.

Dean turned, and gave Castiel a quick kiss on the cheek. "You'll get a text with Bobby's number if anything happens. Love you." He hurried downstairs, grabbing his jacket and keys, practically flying out of the house and into the car and then driving off. Everything was automatic, and he didn’t really think. Didn’t want to think.

Castiel stood stock still when Dean left him, fingers brushing his cheek and Dean's "Love you," ringing in his ears. It took him a while to move again, and when he could, he moved to pack up Dean's things into the suitcase Sam had brought him. The house felt strangely empty without Dean's presence.

At the Winchesters’ home, Sam was on the couch when Dean arrived, stock still and eyes wide in shock. The paramedics had come and taken away their father’s body already.

Dean closed the door behind him, and didn't even bother removing his shoes before he searched for Sam, quickly finding him in the living room. "Sam," he said, moving closer to stand in front of his brother.

Sam looked up at Dean, his fifteen year old face clearly scared. "What's going to happen now?" he asked softly.

Dean kneeled on the floor, and cupped Sam's face in his hands. "We'll figure it out. I'll take care of you. We'll be fine," he said.

Sam embraced Dean carefully, a few tears escaping. "They think it was alcohol poisoning," he murmured. Dean wrapped his arms around Sam in return, not saying anything. There wasn't much to say. He'd kind of seen it coming if he was honest with himself, but he had naively thought that they had a couple of years left, at least.

Sam just hugged Dean for a while. "Where's Cas?" he finally asked. "I thought he would have come with you..."

"... I didn't even think of bringing him along. I just had to get to you as soon as I could." Dean sighed softly.

Sam nodded. "You should at least text him, let him know that you're okay. He's probably worrying, you aren't really supposed to be driving," he murmured.

"Yeah... I didn't really have a choice, though..." Dean pulled away from his brother to sit down on the couch beside him, and pulled out his phone. There were several unread text messages. "... You called Bobby or something?"

Sam nodded. "Right after I called you," he replied.

One of the messages was from Castiel. "I packed your things in your suitcase, I'll find some way to bring it by. Don't drive any more until the doctors clear you, and call me when you can. I love you too, stay safe."

Dean pinched the bridge of his nose to keep his emotions under control, before looking at the other messages. They were from Bobby, Ellen, the weird lady Missouri down the street they sometimes helped... He sighed softly. "Both of us are safe. Thank you. I'll call later, and I'll try to avoid driving. Love you." He sent the text to Castiel, before starting to read the other ones that mainly said to call if they needed anything, or to explain what had happened.

"Have you told Jess?" he asked when he was done texting, looking at Sam.

 

Sam shook his head. "Not yet...I needed a bit of time to wrap my head around it. You and Bobby, I could deal with telling right away, but that was it."

Dean nodded, and put away his phone. "Yeah... Something like this... It's hard to believe."

"I just...Dean, I don't want to be separated from you."

"... It's weird, y'know. Earlier, Cas finally convinced me to try to file for custody. I've been thinking about it for a while... Thought about taking you with me, live somewhere safe." Dean stared at the wall. "But I was too scared of losing the fight, or losing Dad..."

Sam swallowed. "That's almost supernatural." he murmured. "Well, you can definitely have custody of me. I'll fight them trying to put me somewhere else. You're my brother, and you raised me more than Dad ever did."

Dean wrapped an arm around Sam's shoulders. "Let's fight together, Sammy. I'm not letting you go. Not now. Not ever."

Sam smiled softly, leaning into Dean. "We should probably go to the hospital..." he murmured. "I'll call Bobby."

 

 

"Yeah... I promised Cas that I would avoid driving. And Cas is worried about you too." Dean smiled slightly.

Sam looked up at Dean. "You care about him a lot. Don't lose him, all right?"

Dean couldn't help but smile. "I'm not planning to. I'd do anything for him, too."

Sam returned the smile. "I'm glad you're so happy," he murmured. "You deserve someone like Cas." he moved out from under Dean to call Bobby, who agreed to give them a ride to the hospital.

Dean wasn't so sure he deserved someone like Castiel, but he sure thought of himself as lucky to have him. He got up and started pacing, feeling a little restless as they waited for Bobby to pick them up. He started a mental list, thinking of all the things they needed for their future.

It didn't take long before Bobby arrived to pick them up, and they went outside, locking the door after them.

Bobby pulled up in his beat up Camaro, unlocking the car doors for Sam and Dean. "How're you boys doing?" he asked once they had climbed in. Sam shrugged slightly, honestly unsure. He was upset and shocked at finding their father dead, but at the same time, was relieved that he couldn't hurt them anymore.

Dean didn't really know, either. He tried hard not to think of that fact that they no longer had a father. He'd already cried once that day, back at Castiel’s place. He didn't need to cry again. "Eh... We're managing, I guess."

Bobby looked at both of them. "You boys know you're welcome at my place, and that I'm willing to adopt Sam if that's what it takes to keep him here with us."

"Thanks, Bobby - but I'm going to try and get custody over Sam... We'll keep your offer in mind, though." Dean gave Bobby a small smile.

Bobby nodded. "I figured, but it had to be said, just in case, for some obscure reason, something goes wrong."

There was quiet for a little as they drove, and Bobby looked over at Dean. "So, when am I going to meet this boyfriend of yours?"

"U-uh... I don't know- Haven't really thought about it..." Dean replied honestly. "It'd be kinda hard to have you meet in the near future. He doesn't have a car and can't drive - that I know, anyway. And I can't drive, and I don't know if he wants to share his address with more people, after what happened..."

Bobby nodded. "Just want to make sure you ain't getting into something that you're going to regret."

"I've never seen him happier, Bobby." Sam piped up. "Almost all of those injuries are from protecting him."

Dean couldn't resist it, even at a time like that, and gently smacked Sam on the chest. "Great job, Sammy. I'm blaming you if Bobby now thinks I'm batshit crazy, even if it's true."

"I've always thought you were batshit crazy, boy." Bobby replied. 

Sam chuckled lightly. "Don't worry Bobby, Dean loves Cas a lot."

Dean crossed his arms, but grimaced half way through the movement and decided against it. "Yeah. Worry about Sam instead. He's the one who can have accidental babies."

"Hey! Jess and I are safe!"

Bobby quirked a soft smile. These two were basically his boys, and he was glad they could still laugh and joke around.

After a while they pulled into the hospital, Bobby parking the car and getting out. Dean and Sam also got out of the car, and followed Bobby inside. Dean felt pale, and almost wanted to turn away. He was sick of being at the hospital, but he needed to know about what happened to John.

A receptionist greeted them when they came inside, and asked what she could help them with.

"We're here about John Winchester," Bobby replied gruffly.

She nodded. "You must be Sam and Dean." she replied. "I'm so sorry for your loss boys, really."  
Sam nodded curtly.

Dean nodded too, and lowered his eyes. "Thank you," he mumbled, then looked up at her. "Do they know what caused it...?"

She turned to the files on her desk, and picked one up, handing it over to Sam. "This is the file for John Winchester..."

Sam looked through it. "Alcohol poisoning," he murmured. "His alcohol blood level was 1.5..."

"... Well, can't say it was unexpected," Dean mumbled quietly, before he pressed his lips tightly together.

Sam nodded, closing the file and swallowing. "I...I'm going to call Jess..." he murmured, handing the file to Bobby and moving away, pulling out his cell phone.

Dean watched his brother move away for some privacy, then lifted a hand to massage the spot between his eyes. "I wish it hadn't been Sam that found him," he said quietly to no one in particular, though he knew Bobby probably heard him.

Bobby nodded. "Poor kid.." he murmured. "I wish I had gone over this morning like I had planned to. Maybe I coulda saved Sam from that." he looked at Dean. "You boys should come to my house tonight, all right? Unless you want to be with your significant others."

Dean nodded slowly. "Yeah... Going to your place would be great, though we'll see what Sam says..." He sighed softly. "Thanks, Bobby, for sticking with us and helping out... I don't know what we'd do without you..."

Bobby pat Dean on the back affectionately. "You boys are as good as my own," he replied.

Dean smiled weakly at Bobby. "Yeah... I suppose we are."

Sam was sitting in one of the chairs, shaking slightly as he spoke to Jess, hand concealing his face. "Oh God, Sam... I'm so sorry," Jess said quietly after he was done telling her, feeling at loss for words. "God... Is there a-anything we can do for you...?" She asked, clearly worried.

"I just...I don't know what to think." Sam replied softly, wiping at his cheeks. "I just… Dean's gone through so much shit lately, and this is just another thing for him, and I don't even know how I feel..." he sighed. "Is… Is there any way that you could come to the hospital?" he asked softly.

"I don't know... I'll talk with my mom, hang on, okay?" She went to talk with her mother, and came back rather quickly. "Mom said she'll drive. Is there anything else you need?"

"No...thanks Jess, really. Although..." he glanced over at Dean and Bobby. "You might want to stop by Castiel's and get him. I'm really not sure how Dean is handling it, you know how emotionally constipated he is. He'll open up to Cas."

"Alright, we'll do that. Don't you worry Sam, we'll be there with you before you know it. Just take it easy, alright?" Jess smiled slightly to herself. It was good to hear Sam speaking about how Dean had someone.

"Thanks Jess, I love you." Sam replied. "Tell your Mom I'll make dinner for her one night for everything she's doing for us."

"I'll tell her that. Well, I gotta run so I'll be with you as soon as possible... So, see you soon- and I love you too, Sam. With all my heart. Don't forget that."

Sam quirked a soft smile. "I won't," he promised softly, hanging up the phone and wiping his face again before heading back to Dean and Bobby. "Jess and Cas are on their way here," he told them.

Dean blinked in surprise, and turned to look at Sam. "... Really?" He hadn't thought that they would see Jess and Castiel so soon. How was he supposed to act? He'd left in such a hurry in the morning, hadn't even given his boyfriend a proper kiss or hug, and he hadn't called him yet. That realization left him feeling bad. Gosh, he really wasn’t a good boyfriend. Castiel must be worried out of his mind.

Sam nodded. "Jess and her Mom are going to pick him up and they're going to come here..." he frowned slightly. "Do...do you not want to see Cas?" he asked softly, watching Dean's face drop.

Dean was frowning as well. "Of course I do. I just feel weird... Like, really weird... Kinda... Gotta run because zombies, weird," he tried to explain, finding it difficult to describe the heavy, unsettling feeling he had. 

Sam looked at Dean. "Cas isn't going to be mad at you, you know that right? He gets it, he really does. He's lost his parents too, Dean. He can help."

That didn't really make Dean feel better, but he nodded slowly anyway and carefully crossed his arms. "Alright. If you say so."

Sam carefully pulled Dean over to sit as they waited for Castiel, Jess, and Jess’ mother to show up.

When they did, Castiel's eyes were all on Dean, moving to hug him carefully, his worry for the other clear on his face. Jess moved over to Sam, and pulled him into a tight hug while her mother kept close by and watched the youths. Bobby smiled softly at the sight of his boys being comforted by people they clearly cared about, and cared about them.

Sam hugged Jess back, burying his face into her shoulder. "Thank you, Jess..." he whispered.

"It's the least I could do for you, Sam," Jess said and kissed the side of his face. Sam held Jess close as well, leaning into her touches.

Dean relaxed visibly as he felt Castiel's arms around him, and leaned against his boyfriend. "I'm fine, Cas," he mumbled.

 

Castiel held Dean close, rubbing his back soothingly. "What happened?" he asked softly, running his fingers through Dean's hair.

Dean sighed. "Alcohol poisoning," he replied, eyes closed. "His beloved bottle killed him in the end..."

Castiel frowned, and just held Dean close, kissing the top of his head sweetly. Dean let himself relax against Castiel for a while longer, before pulling away to turn Castiel's attention elsewhere. "So, uh... Cas... That's Bobby." He motioned towards Bobby.

Castiel looked at Bobby, offering him a smile and his hand. "I'm Castiel Novak. I've heard a lot about you, Mr. Singer."

Bobby snorted. "Don't call me that boy, I feel old." he replied, shaking Castiel's hand. "I've heard a lot about you too."

Castiel nodded, arms still wrapped around Dean. "I'm sorry, Bobby."

"Well, it's good to know you two start off on the right foot," Dean murmured as he looked between his boyfriend and Bobby. "Uhm... So... What happens now?" he asked a bit awkwardly. "I'd feel a bit better if we got out of this place..."

"Well, so long as there isn't two rounds of sex going on, I don't object to having all four of you at my house." Bobby looked at Jess' Mom for permission.

Dean rolled his eyes, resisting to make a comment about how he's not really in any shape to do anything. Castiel smiled and kissed the top of Dean's head sweetly.

Jess' mother laughed softly at what Bobby said, even if her cheeks turned slightly red. "It's fine by me if you stay over at Bobby’s. Just don't cause any trouble, and call if something happens."

Jess smiled. "Thanks Mom, and thanks Bobby."

Sam smiled. "Thanks, Mrs. Moore, for everything you're doing for us."

Bobby nodded. "It's not a problem, Mrs. Moore. I'm just trying to look out for my boys, and it looks like Castiel and your daughter are helping tremendously."

Jess' mother smiled at them. "Please. Call me Scarlett. All of you," she said.

Dean smiled slightly, and leaned against Castiel. He hoped that things could stay good for a while after this. Sam slowly stood up, his arm around Jess' waist as they all moved outside, piling into Bobby's Camaro. With the bench seats, Sam and Jess were able to squeeze in the front with Bobby, while Dean and Castiel were in the backseat. Dean was thankful for the space as he leaned back in the seat. Castiel laced their fingers together and squeezed Dean's hand softly.

"Now, there ain't any working seatbelts, so don't tell your Mom," Bobby told Jess. "Besides, we get in a wreck and you'll be safe with this car," he pat the steering wheel affectionately.

Jess didn't look too bothered by it, even if she wasn't entirely sure that it was as safe as Bobby made it sound. "Promise I won't tell a soul."

Sam chuckled. "Bobby's right Jess, this metal frame can handle more than you'd think," he reassured her.

Jess blinked. "Oh... It doesn't look like it, no offence," she murmured. "Fascinating."

"She's a fine lady. Bobby takes really good care of her. It's a very useful car," Dean said as he gently squeezed Castiel's hand in return.

Bobby backed up out of the parking space and started to drive to his house. "Few rules for the newcomers. Assume the decor is all loaded, don't touch the red stuff in the back of the fridge, it ain't jam, and if the books are stacked so they look like you touch a paper and it will kill you, it will kill you. I only have two guest bedrooms, but I assume you guys'll share beds."

Castiel nodded in agreement to Bobby's rules.

Jess looked at Bobby, and then slowly turned her head to look at Sam with big eyes. "... Is he....?"

"Yeah, he's serious," Sam replied. "He looks like a crazy drunk, but he's been more of a father to us than...well," he sighed.

Jess frowned slightly, and decided to not ask more about it, and just trust Sam. Dean leaned his head on Castiel's shoulder. "You shouldn't ever judge a book by its cover,” he murmured.

Castiel leaned his head against Dean's, humming softly and rubbing his thumb over the back of Dean's hand.

It wasn't much longer until they pulled into the Salvage yard, and Bobby looked at the four. "Okay, Sam, Dean, you know where everything is. Let me know if any of you need anything, capisce?"

Sam took Jess' hand. "Cmon, I'll show you around," he murmured. Jess smiled at Sam, and nodded, gently squeezing his hand as they got out of the car and headed towards the house.

Castiel nodded. "Yes, thank you again," he murmured, helping Dean carefully out of the car.

Dean took careful breaths. His ribs hurt, but the pain was at least manageable. "Sorry, don't think I can show you around..."

"It's all right," Castiel replied. "Just show me to the guest bedroom, I'll help you," Castiel replied, giving Dean his shoulder to support him.

"Okay..." Dean nodded, and guided Castiel into the house and then up the stairs, moving over to the guest bedroom that he always used whenever he was spending the night.

Castiel helped lower Dean into the armchair in the corner. "Are you okay?" he asked softly.

"I'm fine," Dean replied, sighing as he relaxed back in the armchair. "... Well, at least I think I am."

Castiel knelt down in front of Dean, hand gently stroking his cheek. "Please tell me the truth," he asked softly.

Dean looked at Castiel for a long moment, then looked down at his lap. "I feel like crap, and I hate that Sam had to find him..."

Castiel stayed close. "I found my Mom," he murmured. "And I would never wish it on anyone."

Dean frowned, and nodded slowly in understanding. "Yeah... Must be horrifying... I'm sorry you had to see that. No kid should have to see it..."

Castiel nodded. "We'll be able to help him, both of us." he murmured, "He'll need you, me, and Jess."

"I hope so..." Dean sighed, rubbing his hands over his thighs anxiously. He didn't know what to do, or how to help. Castiel shifted and moved to start massaging Dean's shoulders and chest, gently working out the tension. Dean let Castiel work, relaxing slowly under his hands - grimacing during the few times that it hurt his ribs. Castiel kissed his lips gently, keeping his weight supported and off of Dean.

Dean looked at Castiel. "... I'm sorry for leaving in such a hurry this morning," he whispered, looking down again.

"I didn't blame you," Castiel whispered. "I'm not mad."

"Okay, if you say so..." Dean nodded slowly, but didn't look up.

Castiel tilted Dean's chin up to look at him, blue eyes staring into the green. "I promise. I'm just worried about you."

Dean bit into his lip as Castiel made him look. "I'll be fine, really... You should focus on worrying about Sam instead."  
"I am worried about Sam. But I'm worried about you too."

Dean smiled, a little awkward. "It's hard work to worry about the both of us..."

"Worrying is in my job description," Castiel chuckled, kissing at Dean's cheeks. "I love you..." he whispered.

Dean's cheeks turned red, and he reached up to gently grab and Castiel's shirt. "Love you too..." he mumbled.

Castiel kissed Dean on the lips, shivering slightly at the words, nipping and sucking at Dean's lower lip.

Dean's breath hitched, his eyes fluttering close. "Cas," he murmured, his grip tightening slightly.

"Dean," Castiel whispered back, parting his lips to invite Dean in.

Dean slipped his tongue between Castiel's lips, letting go of his shirt to rest his hands on Castiel's neck. Castiel hummed into the kiss, letting Dean explore his mouth, hands on Dean's neck as he kissed him back. Dean caressed the skin on Castiel's neck with his thumbs, resisting the urge to moan. He loved kissing Castiel.

Castiel moaned into the kiss, sucking gently on Dean's tongue. Dean made a throaty noise, and slowly pulled back a moment later to breathe. Castiel didn't move far, breathing hard. He had forced himself to go without air to kiss Dean like that. Dean smiled slightly, and moved his hands to run his thumbs along Castiel's jaw.

Castiel leaned into the touch, smiling softly. "Do you need anything?" he asked softly.

Dean shook his head slowly. "Nah, I'm fine at the moment," he replied.

"Anything. Food, another kiss? Let me take care of you."

"I'm not a baby..." Dean pursed his lips. "But another kiss would be nice..."

"You are. You're my baby," Castiel replied simply, kissing Dean again.

Dean was speechless for a moment, then relaxed and kissed back. Castiel continued giving Dean sweet, soft pecks, his fingers tracing the lines of his face and massaging his scalp, praying that this was working, that Dean was feeling at least a little better.

Dean sighed happily against Castiel's lips, and relaxed back, sinking down in his seat a bit more. "Mmh... That's nice," he murmured.

Castiel gave him one last sweet, slow kiss before pulling back a little, hands brushing through Dean's hair. "I'm going to make us something to eat. Anything in particular you want?" he asked softly.

Dean wrinkled his nose. "I'm not really hungry, but okay... Uhm... Whatever you can find? It's been awhile since I got a look at Bobby's kitchen, so I've got no clue what there is to eat..."

"You need to eat Dean," Castiel murmured quietly, his voice a little heavier. He knew the grieving process, knew what it did. "At least a few bites, all right? I'll be right back, and I won't touch the red stuff." he got up slowly.

Dean couldn't help but huff, though he didn't try to protest. "All right. And be careful of the cupboards. Old as ass. Never know what'll happen or what you'll find..."

Castiel nodded, and disappeared into the kitchen, carefully investigating for food. He returned to the room about twenty minutes later, a pot of macaroni and cheese in his hands. "I couldn't find any plates," he replied. "So we'll have to eat out of the pot.

Dean straightened up in his seat when Castiel came back. "Really? Well, I'll look into that, later..." He sniffed slightly, taking in the smell, feeling a little disappointed that it didn't wake his appetite.

"I'm sorry it isn't more appetizing, I did the best I could," Castiel replied, kneeling again and settling the warm pot in Dean's lap, handing him a fork.

Dean shook his head. "No, it's fine... I'm just... Really not hungry," he mumbled, but took the fork anyway to take a careful bite of the food.

Castiel matched Dean bite for bite, eyes on him carefully as they ate. "Thank you for at least eating a little," he murmured.

Dean shrugged slightly. "It's no problem, I guess..." He wrinkled his nose at the next bite, but swallowed it down without complaining.

Castiel swallowed his bite, and pressed a kiss to Dean's cheek. "Just one more for me, please?" he asked softly. Dean never thought he would glare at food, but he did indeed glare at the last bite, before bravely swallowing it down.

"Thank you," Castiel replied softly, only eating a little bit more himself before setting the pot aside. "Dean...can you do me a favor?" he asked softly.

Dean blinked, and looked at Castiel curiously. "Depends on what kind of favor…”

Castiel swallowed, and looked at Dean. "Promise me you will tell me if you want to cut," he whispered. "And I'll help you get your mind off of it, okay? Please..." his voice was pleading.  
Dean didn't really know what to say. His chest tightened and he felt a little sick, thinking of how Castiel hadn't said anything last time he did it. Subconsciously, he started rubbing his thighs, feeling a slight itch at just the mention of it. "Yeah... Okay..."

Castiel leaned forwards and pressed a kiss to Dean's forehead. "I just want to help." he whispered. "I would have given anything to have someone there for me when I lost my parents, given anything for a friend to take the blades and ask me to stop," he whispered. "I don't want you to feel the same pain I did."

Dean swallowed the lump in his throat and lowered his head to stare down at his hands. "All right," he said quietly.

Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean and held him close, humming "Carry On My Wayward Son" softly as he stroked his fingers through his hair. Dean shuddered in Castiel's arms, staying tense and continuing to rub his thighs for a while. Eventually he stilled, and relaxed a bit. Castiel's other hand moved to take Dean's fingers in his, entwining them together and squeezing softly. The bandage on his wrist was gone, leaving two bright red cuts exposed. Castiel didn't notice, too focused on Dean.

The choked noise had already escaped him before Dean could attempt to hold it in, and he lifted his free hand to cover his mouth. He wasn't easily triggered, but he knew that the lines on Castiel's arms had happened in his presence. How and exactly when he hadn't figured out, and he hated himself for it. He didn’t deserve to say anything when he hadn’t told Castiel he was there to help him to prevent those cuts.

Castiel immediately looked down, worried, before he noticed the look on Dean's face, and where he was looking. His stomach felt like it had dropped out from his body, his face going pale. "I'm sorry," he whispered, tugging his sleeve down. "I just....I don't wish this on anyone, least of all you."

Dean squeezed Castiel's hand and shook his head, before wrapping one arm around Castiel and bringing him closer, as well as leaning closer himself. Castiel took comfort in their embrace, kissing the top of Dean's head and letting his lips stay there, a few tears sliding down his cheeks. Dean didn't say anything as he kept his eyes tightly shut, not focusing on much else but the warmth from Castiel and his own breathing.

They stayed like that for a long time, before Castiel pressed a kiss to Dean's forehead and pulled away slightly. "I have to sleep," he whispered softly. "You're free to join me, if you feel up to it. Wake me if you need me, all right?" he whispered softly, kissing Dean's lips sweetly.

Dean sighed quietly at the kiss, then nodded slowly. "Okay... I might join you later, if my ribs feel good enough... I promise not to wake you up unless I have to," he mumbled.

Castiel nodded, going to the bed and stripping down to his boxers, folding his clothes neatly and putting them to the side. He slid into bed, but he didn't go to sleep right away. Instead, his head was bent slightly as he prayed, prayed that Dean and Sam would be able to pull through his, for their safety and to keep them together. He asked for nothing for himself, only asking that God would watch over Dean, and help him through this.

Dean thought about just sitting there for a while until he felt tired, but he felt restless as he saw Castiel lie there on the bed. He stood up and carefully picked up the pot and the forks, then quietly exited the room. He was light on his feet as he went downstairs and to the kitchen.

Sam was downstairs as well, by himself, knocking back a shot of some of Bobby's moonshine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I'm just letting you know that I'm dead tired while editing/posting this, so if there are any mistakes I'm sorry.
> 
> ~Cinder


	19. Hungover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILERS**  
>  Sam breaks into Bobby's moonshine and gets very drunk, Dean following behind when he discovers what his younger brother had done. Castiel and Jess do their best to care for their hurting boyfriends, comforting them as best the could through the rest of the night and into the next morning.
> 
>  **TRIGGER WARNINGS**  
>  Alcohol use, low self esteem, mention of suicide (done as a quote from the show)

Dean froze as he saw his brother on the couch after he'd put away the dishes, not feeling like taking care of them right then, and stared. "... You sure you should be doing that? You’ve never had alcohol before..."

Sam sighed. "I can't get it out of my head, Dean." he murmured softly. "Jess helps, but...she's asleep, and I can't."

Dean sighed softly, and nodded. "Alright, just don't... Be careful with the stuff," he said.

"I won't turn into him, Dean." Sam replied softly. He knocked back one last shot before pushing it away, clearly drunk.

"Okay..." Dean watched him quietly, then stared at the bottle. It was tempting. He forced himself to look down at the floor.

"Jess's gonna kill me..." Sam muttered, getting up and stumbling back upstairs, puking in the bathroom.

Dean listened to his brother, making sure that he wasn't coming back before grabbing the bottle with shaky hands and quietly stepping out of the house.

Jess woke up at all the noise Sam caused, not knowing it was him. She slipped out of bed, surprised to not have Sam with her. Worried, she exited the room, and carefully approached the open bathroom door. Sam was shaking, heaving the contents of his stomach into the toilet, his face pale and tears streaming down his cheeks as he half-choked and sobbed.

"Oh God- Sam," Jess gasped and moved into the bathroom to kneel beside her boyfriend, resting a gentle hand on his back. She felt even more worried now. "It's going to be all right..."

Sam finished emptying his stomach, shaking as he cried, not having the strength to move away from the toilet. He leaned into Jess, seeking comfort. Jess brushed some hair out of Sam's face, and murmured comforting words as she slowly rubbed his back. She didn't like seeing Sam like this. "M sorry..." Sam slurred, holding onto Jess, burying his face into her shoulder. He smelled heavily of alcohol.

Jess frowned deeply as she wrapped her arms around Sam. "Oh Sam, you shouldn't do that..." she mumbled, continuing to rub his back. "Talk to me instead..."

"You were sleeping..." he mumbled.

"Wake me up, next time..." Jess kissed the top of Sam's head.

Sam swallowed and just held her close. "I'm a horrible boyfriend. I'm sorry," he muttered.

"No, Sam, you're not. You're my boyfriend, and you're hurting. People who are hurting do stupid things at times," she held him tightly.

Sam hugged her close. "Can we go to bed?" he asked softly.

Jess nodded. "Yes, we can go to bed," she replied just as softly. She slowly pulled away to stand up, and helped Sam to his feet. Sam stumbled, trying not to lean on Jess as they went back to the guest room. Jess didn't say anything else, as she was just happy to have Sam back in the room and tucked into bed again.

Sam passed out, his arms around Jess as he slept, occasionally stirring with a nightmare. Jess did her best to try to soothe him when he did during the time she was awake just watching him.

Castiel had woken from the noise as well and gotten up, pulling on a shirt before exiting the room in search of Dean, afraid it was him causing the noise. When he saw Jess at the open bathroom door, he hesitated, his heart breaking for Sam, but more concerned about finding Dean; he shouldn't be up and moving too much.

Dean was sitting on the front porch, quietly sipping from the bottle, taking it slow to not upset his stomach. He was freezing, but he couldn't find it in him to care. Bobby would probably kill them both in the morning for having drank from his moonshine. He couldn't care much about that, either. For the time being, the cold and the alcohol helped him deal, and made him feel slightly better.

Castiel looked around before finally spotting Dean, heading outside. "Dean..." he murmured softly, watching as his boyfriend drank from a bottle of God-knew-what. "Come back inside, please." he asked softly.

Dean was shivering, and turned to look at Castiel. "... Did Sammy wake you up?" he asked, not agreeing to come inside, but not turning away from Castiel.

"Yes, but I panicked when I didn't see you there." he murmured, moving outside, and shivering, only in a light long sleeved shirt and boxers. "Please come inside, you're freezing," he murmured, wrapping his arms around Dean, shocked at how cold to the touch Dean was.

"... Sam probably feels like shit, I should be there for him... But I'm here instead. I... I can't," Dean said quietly. Not even the warmth from Castiel could make him stop shivering.

Castiel was shivering, and he held Dean as tightly as he thought he could manage. "Freezing to death won't help him any," Castiel replied quietly. "I won't even make you put down the bottle, just please, come inside where it's warm." he asked softly.

Dean finally gave in, and nodded slowly before he got up, gripping the bottle as tightly as he dared as he let himself be led back into the house.

Castiel helped him back in, grabbing a ratty blanket from the couch and wrapping it around Dean, ignoring how cold he had become himself. "Come to bed with me, please?" he asked softly. "I know. I know how hard it is. But please Dean, please....let me help."

Dean stared at the floor, feeling uncomfortable in the warmth from the house. He wanted to run off, hide behind a piece of junk, and just be alone. His hands shook. "I'm gonna be fine. Gonna be fine, just fine," he mumbled, more to himself than Castiel.

Castiel just looked worried as he embraced Dean, holding him close. "I'll leave you alone, if you want. Just promise me you'll stay inside, please." he whispered.

Dean leaned against Castiel, and breathed shakily. "Y-yeah... I promise to stay inside," he murmured.

Castiel pressed a soft kiss to Dean's cheek. "I love you," he murmured. "Wake me if you need me, okay?" his eyes were pained as he moved away from Dean, shivering slightly as he made his way back upstairs alone.

"Love you too, and okay..." Dean murmured in reply. He felt like a dick, not going to bed with Castiel, but he just couldn't. He moved over to the couch and sat down, wrapping the blanket around him tighter as he shook and drank, not stopping until the bottle was finished.

Castiel couldn't sleep, he just remained laying down in the bed, staring at the wall, his anxiety high as he worried about Dean, and Sam. He was so tempted to find a blade, but fought it down, remembering Dean's reaction to his latest cuts.

Morning came, and Castiel was exhausted, but couldn't sleep.

Dean had managed to fall asleep some time during the early hours, but woke up a few hours later, his ribs and head hurting. Carefully sitting up and looking around, he noticed that no one else seemed to be up. He slowly got up, and went to change the bandages on his head, get some painkillers and then went to the kitchen to get something to drink.

When the sun rose, Castiel gave up trying to sleep and got up, heading to the kitchen in search of some very strong coffee.

Dean had gone back to the couch, curled up as much as his ribs allowed. A glass of juice was stood on the coffee table. He stared at the TV, watching the early news on a low volume, while absentmindedly scratching the skin on his forearm.

Castiel prepared some strong instant coffee, downing it almost right from the microwave, heading into the living room. "Hello, Dean." he greeted, voice tired and bags under his eyes, moving to join the other on the couch.

Dean was so focused on the news that he didn't quite hear Castiel, and ended up jumping in surprise as his boyfriend came to sit down beside him. "Oh shit... Didn't see you there, sorry," he mumbled, wincing as he shifted to get comfortable.

"It's all right," Castiel replied, looking at Dean. "Are you all right?" he asked softly.

Dean shrugged slightly. "My ribs hurt, so I guess not..."

Castiel shifted so he was against Dean's side, watching the news with him and his eyes slowly drifting closed, finally relaxed enough to want to sleep. Dean grabbed the orange juice from the table, and sipped it quietly. He didn't notice much as he focused on the TV, though Castiel's warmth wasn't forgotten. It made him feel a bit better to have his boyfriend close.

Castiel remained in the comfortable silence with Dean, before yawning slightly and shifting, falling asleep, his head fallen onto Dean's lap. Dean smiled faintly to himself, and leaned back, letting Castiel sleep.

Later, Jess came downstairs and searched for something. She looked relieved to see Dean. "Uh... Sorry, but do you know where the painkillers are?"

Dean looked at her, motioning to her to be quiet. "Bathroom in the hall..."

She nodded, happy with the answer as she went to fetch the medication and then a glass of water before heading back upstairs to her boyfriend.  
Sam groaned into the pillow, his head throbbing heavily with a hangover. Jess quietly entered the guestroom, and went over to the bed. "I got something for you..." she said softly as she sat on the edge of the bed.

Sam looked up, his face pained. "You are a lifesaver Jess," he mumbled, struggling to sit up.

Jess smiled softly as she put the items away on the nightstand, and helped Sam sit up. "Wouldn't have been if Dean didn't tell me where the painkillers were. Here." She handed the glass and the pill over to Sam when he was sat up properly. Sam quickly swallowed the pill, grimacing as he head throbbed. He immediately shifted to lay back down, burrowing back under the covers. Jess joined Sam under the covers, pulling him close to cuddle.

Meanwhile downstairs, Castiel remained asleep, lips parted as he breathed and face still tense. Dean carefully started to stroke Castiel's hair, hoping that it would make him relax if only a little. Castiel's face slowly started to loosen under Dean's touches. Dean continued to pet Castiel's hair as he turned back to the TV with a small smile. Castiel slept for a few hours, completely passed out in Dean's lap. He finally stirred and opened his eyes. 

When Castiel woke up, some bad soap opera was playing on the TV, and Dean was too busy watching it to notice his boyfriend waking up. "Oh, Ricardo, you stupid ass..." he muttered quietly.

Bobby walked into the living room, peeking over at the TV. "What happened?" he asked, clearly interested. Castiel stirred slightly, wondering what was going on.

"Suicido," Dean muttered as he pointed his hands in a displeased gesture at the TV as if asking why, clearly unhappy by the sudden turn of events on the soap opera. "I feel sorry for Maria. What's she supposed to do now?"

Bobby sighed, shaking his head. "Adios, ese." he murmured.

"What are you watching?" Castiel asked, voice still hoarse with sleep.

Dean blinked, and looked down. "Oh, hello sleeping beauty. Sleep well?" he asked.

"Mmm..." Castiel grunted, shifting to bury his face into Dean's stomach.

"That reminds me, did Sam drink ALL of my moonshine?" Bobby asked.

Dean grimaced, shoulders raising defensively. "No, Bobby. But he did drink enough. I'm sorry about that..."

Bobby shrugged. "He's paying for it now, I hear." he replied. "I'm gonna run to the store and get some provisions. Anything in particular you or Cas want?"

Castiel shook his head. Dean also shook his head. "Not that I can think of... But hey, while I still got your attention. Cas couldn't find any plates last night. You hid them or something?"

Bobby thought for a moment. "Did you check under the sink?" he asked Castiel.

Cas made a face. "You...aren't supposed to put dished under the sink..."

"I ain't supposed to do a lot of things, boy," Bobby replied.

Dean chuckled, and shook his head again. "Me and Sam haven't gotten sick yet, so you shouldn't worry about it, Cas."

Castiel nodded slowly, finally lifting himself out of Dean's lap, even though he didn't move very far away. Dean made a soft noise as he stretched his legs. "Mmh... I guess I'm a comfortable pillow, huh?"

"Very much so," Castiel chuckled lightly, stretching as well, and kissing Dean's cheek.

Dean turned his head to give Castiel a kiss on the lips. "You want some breakfast or something?"

Castiel nodded, slowly getting up. "I'll see what I can find for us. Are Sam and Jess up?"

"I think so, though they might be chilling in bed. Jess came downstairs looking for painkillers while you were still sleeping. Sam must feel like road kill."

Castiel grimaced slightly, and nodded, going into the kitchen and starting to poke through the cupboards. Dean carefully got up from the couch, and went into the kitchen to join Castiel.

Castiel was trying to find suitable food for breakfast, not succeeding very well. "What do you eat when you're here?" he muttered, almost to himself.

Dean shrugged slightly. "Whatever we can find. Once we shared a bag of chips for breakfast. Not the best thing I've ever done, but... Yeah. You kind of learn to eat whatever when you're a kid and can't cook, so it's never been much of a problem for me."

Castiel nodded, continuing to poke around until he found some cheese and some bread. "Cheese on toast it is," he said, moving to start slicing the cheese and putting the bread into the toaster.

Dean went back to the living room to fetch his glass and Castiel's mug. "You want some more coffee?" he asked as he started preparing some instant coffee for himself.

"That would be lovely," Castiel replied, slicing the cheese and preparing the toast when it popped up.

Dean hummed as he prepared some coffee for Castiel too, and put their mugs in the microwave. "Had any good dreams or something?"

Castiel shook his head. "I couldn't sleep last night, until I can and ended up sleeping on you," he admitted. "I was too tired to dream."

Dean frowned as he looked at Castiel. "That exhausted, huh..." he mumbled.

Castiel shrugged, handing Dean a piece of toast with cheese. "It's not the first time, I'm used to it." he murmured quietly.

"You shouldn't have to be used to that. Ain't good for you..." Dean took the toast and just stared at it. He was much more interested in the microwave beeping at him, putting down the toast on the counter and grabbing the mugs, handing Castiel his coffee.

"I know. I shouldn't have to be used to constant bullying either," Castiel pointed out, taking a sip of coffee. "Please eat at least some of it," he asked as Dean set the toast down.

Dean sighed softly as he picked up the toast, and took a small bite. He chewed slowly, before sipping his own coffee. Castiel ate his own piece slowly as well, drinking down his coffee as he watched Dean. Dean managed about half of the toast, before giving up on it and putting it back on the counter.

Castiel gave Dean a soft smile. "Thank you," he murmured softly, leaning over to kiss Dean's cheek.

"Mmh... You're welcome, I guess," Dean mumbled, letting Castiel kiss him.

Castiel moved back to finish his own breakfast, starting to wash the tremendous amount of dirty dishes piled in and around the sink. Dean watched him quietly for a while. "... You don't actually need to do that, you know..."

"I know," Castiel replied. "But I want to thank Bobby for his hospitality somehow."

"Ah. Well, I suppose that's a good reason..." Dean nodded slowly. “I bet he’ll be grateful.”


	20. Naomi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILERS**
> 
> After John's funeral, Castiel does his best to take care of the Winchester boys. One day while they're all at Bobby's, Naomi comes to take Sam away to a foster home, Dean's application for custody having been denied. When the two sides refuse to bend to each other, Castiel comes forwards with a compromise. Dean must pass his senior year of high school with a job to obtain custody. Naomi agrees, but takes Sam to his new foster home until Dean can prove himself.
> 
>  **Trigger Warnings**  
>  Grieving, mentions of alcoholism, homosexuality cast in a negative light

It had been a few long, hard weeks for everyone. Castiel had run himself ragged trying to care for Dean and Sam, and he spent most of the time when he wasn't helping either of the brothers completely passed out. Sam had gotten drunk a few other nights, but tried to keep it to a minimum, calling Jess whenever he could manage it. John's funeral had come and gone; he had been cremated, and Sam and Dean had spread the ashes driving down the highway in Dean's Impala.

Jess and her mother had tried to help out as much as they could during the time, but unfortunately had to let Castiel take more responsibility of the caretaking of the Winchester boys. Dean almost made himself very sick by barely sleeping and drinking more coffee than eating food, but managed to pick himself up with Castiel's help after they had said their final goodbyes, gradually accepting that John was indeed gone.

One day in early October, Jess had joined the boys at Bobby's place, and they were all watching a movie. Sam and Jess on one side of the couch with Dean and Castiel cuddling on the other, when the doorbell rang.

Bobby went to answer it, seeing a woman in a business suit, her red hair neatly tied into a bun. "Hello, Mr. Singer, I'm Naomi Tapping from Child Services. Is Sam Winchester here?" she asked.

Bobby grunted in reply. "Yeah, he is. What do you want with him?"

"We've located a foster home for him," she replied.

Dean was puzzled over the fact that someone had came over. Bobby hadn't said that he was expecting anyone, and what he knew, it was rare that someone came uninvited. He excused himself, giving   
Castiel a kiss on the cheek, before heading over to the door where Bobby stood. "Hey, Bobby, who is it?"

Bobby was glaring at Naomi. "You'll take him away from us over my cold, dead body," he replied stiffly.

"Mr. Singer, please, we only want what's best for Sam-"

"Like hell you do!" Bobby replied. "What's best for him is to be right here, with his family."

"Unfortunately, the town drunk and a homosexual older brother has not been deemed the best environment for Sam's well being," she replied coldly. "Sam can pack his bags and have some time for farewells, but he is leaving with me this afternoon."

Dean felt his blood starting to boil as he heard Bobby and the woman by the door speak. "What the fuck are you talking about, lady?" he asked as he went up to stand beside Bobby. "Sam's not leaving with anyone!"  
Jess frowned slightly as she heard the raised voices of Bobby and Dean. "Sam... What do you think is going on out there?" she asked.

"I dunno," Sam replied, getting up to go and investigate, Castiel following behind.  
"He will be leaving with me to go and meet his new foster parents. You are allowed to visit him once a week," Naomi replied easily. "Now, do I have to call the police on you boys for impeding this process?"

Sam came around the corner. "What's going on?"

Jess followed, too, staying behind both Castiel and Sam. Dean was obviously angry, hands clenched into fists. He turned to look at Sam. "Apparently, this woman thinks she can just take you away, because Bobby's just a drunk and I'm homosexual!" he almost yelled as he turned to look at Naomi, pointing an accusing finger at her. "You're all just a couple of judgemental bastards!"

"Dean, calm down, you aren't helping Sam or your case at all!" Castiel said, moving to Dean's side and trying to calm him, at least slightly.

Sam's face hardened as he turned to face Naomi. "I'm not leaving," he replied. "You have no right to take me from my brother."

"Sweetheart, it’s for everyone's own good." Naomi insisted. "Don't you want a chance at a normal family?"

That caused Sam to hesitate. He had spent most of his life wishing that his family was normal. Dean turned quiet, but he was still tense. He looked as if he'd jump at the first chance to beat someone up. He didn't like Naomi. He didn't like this situation. He'd hoped that when he'd applied for custody over Sam, he'd get it. Jess watched Sam carefully, and glanced at the others. She had no clue about what Sam would say. He never really spoken much about his family, so she didn't know much about what he thought.

Sam thought for a moment, before his face hardened. "I did want a normal family. But these are the people I love," he gestured at all of them. "This is my family, and I refuse to be taken away from them. I'm staying with Dean, no matter what." he spat. "Take me to that foster home, I'll just run away, right back here, because this is where I belong."

Naomi's face hardened. "You're making a huge mistake, Sam. Dean can't take care of you, he can barely take care of himself. He's 18, and has missed so much school he'll probably have to repeat his senior year."

Dean felt himself deflate a bit. It was true. He'd fallen behind in everything, and with his difficulties with reading, he just couldn't catch up. It would be impossible. It probably would be better if Sam went with Naomi. He took a deep breath. "If you're so worried about his best interests, then let Sam make his own choices. If he says that he wants to stay, then he wants to stay."

"He's fifteen, he doesn't know any better," Naomi replied.

At that, Sam grew visibly angry. "Just because I'm young does NOT mean I don't know any better! I don't care if Dean's only eighteen or behind in school! He's my BROTHER, and he raised me more than my father ever did!" he yelled at her.

Jess carefully stepped forward and placed a hand on Sam's arm. "Sam, please don't yell..." she asked softly, then gave Naomi a look. "You can't force him to go anywhere. It's also very insulting that you think he doesn't know better. He's at the top of his classes, and the nicest guy I know. He never judges anyone, and he knows what's right and wrong. All because of Dean and Bobby."

Castiel stepped forwards then. "How about a proposition?" he asked Naomi. "If Dean can bring up his grades and not have to repeat his senior year, as well as getting a job that can support both himself and Sam, then he can have custody of Sam. If he fails, then he loses custody. He will meet your standards then, yes?"

"He would..." Naomi hesitated, glancing at Dean.

Dean glared at Naomi. "I won't fail," he said, agreeing to the proposition Castiel posed. He wouldn't back down, not now. Jess smiled slightly as she looked up at Sam.

Naomi looked between all of their faces, before relenting with a curt nod. "Sam still has to come with me today. Until Dean proves himself, Sam will be placed with a foster family."

Dean took a controlled breath. "All right... You said we can visit once a week, yeah?" he asked, wanting to make sure.

"Yes.” 

Sam swallowed, and nodded, obviously upset. He turned to hug Jess tightly, not wanting to go. He then turned to hug Dean tightly, but still careful of his still-healing ribs. "You show them you can do it," he whispered.

Dean huffed softly. "They'll never see me coming. I won't let you down, Sammy. I promise," he murmured. He patted Sam on the chest, above his heart, when they let go of each other.

Sam bit his lip and nodded, turning to give Castiel a quick, awkward hug. "Thanks for giving Dean a chance. You take care of him, okay?" he murmured.

Castiel shifted, feeling just as awkward. "Of course," he murmured.

Sam finally turned to give Bobby a hug before going to pack his things. Dean rubbed his hands over his face. They all waited for Sam to finish packing so they could see him off, none of them wanting it to happen.

"You promise to text and call?" Jess asked as Sam came back with his things all packed.

"Of course," Sam replied, kissing Jess on the lips and holding her close. "Every night. I promise." he murmured.

Naomi nodded curtly. "We've wasted enough time. Come on.”

Sam swallowed, and followed her, eyes on his real family as he got into the car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, Cinder here. I just wanted to say thank you to all those who are sticking around. Yes, right now there are a myriad of awful things that are happening to Dean and Castiel, but believe me when I say that this sets the stage for a lot of happier events in the future. This story is called Beat the Odds for a reason, and the odds are very much not in their favor right now. But we promise you, things will lighten up and get better.
> 
> Thank you once again for all the kudos, bookmarks, subscriptions, and support. It means the world to us :D
> 
> ~Cinder


	21. Oops

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILERS**
> 
> Dean takes Castiel to the grocery store so he can buy ingredients for dinner. On the way, Castiel mentions how much he misses being intimate with Dean, and apologizes for getting mad with him for masturbating to a Busty Asian Beauties magazine. When they arrive at the store, Castiel accidentally causes a scene, but makes up for it by helping clean up the accidental mess he had made. Meanwhile, Sam texts Dean to reveal that he's been fostered by a house full of demons.
> 
>  **Trigger Warnings**  
>  Learning disabilities, foster homes, horrible foster parents/siblings

They all went outside, watching Sam climb into the car and then watched it take off. It wasn't until it was out of sight that Dean gathered Castiel and Jess into his arms, holding them close while he looked at Bobby with sad eyes.

Castiel hugged Dean close. "We'll help you. Jess and I will make sure you catch up, that's why I proposed what I did." he murmured.

Bobby nodded. "You fight, boy." he told Dean.

Jess nodded as well and returned the hug. "You'll get Sam back. It's a promise."

Dean sighed softly, tightening his hold around them. "Thank you, guys... It means a lot. Really."

Castiel kissed Dean's cheek gently. "We’ll start working tonight okay?" he murmured.

"Yeah, sounds good..." Dean nodded slowly, letting go off them both after giving Castiel a soft kiss on the lips.

Castiel took Dean's hand after they let go, squeezing it gently. "Come back to school with me tomorrow," he asked Dean softly. "We need to go back."

Dean was visibly uncomfortable with the idea, but nodded anyway. "Yeah, you're right," he mumbled and looked at his feet.

Castiel moved to hug Dean again, holding him close. "It's all going to be okay. You aren't losing Sam for good." he whispered. "I'll do homework with you every night, tutor you with whatever you need. We'll get Sam back, I promise."

Dean buried his face into Castiel's neck. "I really, really hope so... I really can't lose him, too," he said quietly. "Don't know what I would do if that happened..."

"You won't lose him," Castiel promised. "I won't let you." he kissed the side of Dean's head.

Dean nodded. "Thanks, Cas... Ugh. I need coffee and the newspaper. See if there's any jobs in there."

"You've got a job, boy." Bobby replied gruffly. "As of right now, you work for Singer's Salvage yard."

Dean blinked in surprise, and turned to look at Bobby. "W... What? Bobby- Are you sure?"

"Course I'm sure, your qualifications are parked in my front yard." he pointed at the Impala, which Dean kept up with love and passion, even rebuilding her from the ground up once when his father had totaled her in an accident with a semi truck.

Dean could barely contain himself as he basically leaped from Castiel and threw his arms around Bobby, hugging him. "Bobby, you're the fucking best."

Bobby hugged Dean back. "Just get your brother back," he replied.

Jess' phone went off with a text from Sam. "I want to stab a drill through this woman's head, seriously."

Jess blinked, and couldn't help but smile slightly as she saw the text, and replied quickly. "What did she do?"

"She won't shut up about how lucky I am to be away from "people like that" Apparently these foster parents live a few towns away, to "encourage the relationship between the new child and the parents" Translating into: it makes it harder for me to see you guys."

"That sucks... I really don't like her. She doesn't seem like she cares at all. I hope the foster parents you get are nice, though, even if it's far away and I don't want you to be there. Oh. I think Dean just got a job!"

"Really? Where?"

"At Bobby's. Though I don't get what he means with Dean's qualifications being parked in the front yard..."  
"Oh, he's talking about the Impala. Dean's built her up from the ground before, by himself."

 

Jess stared at her phone, then at Dean. "You... Fixed the Impala?"

Dean grinned as he let go of Bobby. "Sure did. Wasn't easy since there wasn't much left of her that was whole, but I managed."

"Wow... That's fantastic," she mumbled as she texted the exact words to Sam.

Castiel smiled proudly at Dean. "I'm going to go to the store, if someone will take me, and get some ingredients for dinner." he said. "And then we'll get started on getting Dean custody, if that's okay?"

Jess nodded and smiled. "Yes, that sounds good."

"... Can I drive you, or will you guys yell at me?" Dean asked.

"Are you sure you should?" Jess knitted her brows together. "I'm sure Bobby can take Cas to the store."

"How long did the doctor say you were cleared after?" Castiel asked Dean.

Dean frowned slightly as he tried to remember exactly. "... I think I'm allowed to drive now, but they didn't recommend it..."

"Six weeks." Castiel replied. "How long has it been since you broke your ribs?"

"... 5 and a couple of days, I think," Dean mumbled.

Castiel bit his lip and sighed. "You can take me, only if you take it easy." he replied. He knew that Dean missed driving the Impala, and he already felt like shit because of losing Sam at the moment. He didn’t need to make it worse.

Dean beamed at that, and pulled Castiel close for a hug and a kiss. "Awesome!"

Castiel smiled softly, kissing Dean back. "Let's go then." he replied with a smile. 

Dean grinned and went to quickly fetch his keys. "Jess, will you be okay here by yourself for a bit?"

Jess smiled at Castiel and nodded. "Of course I will. It's not like Bobby bites."

Castiel gave her a smile, and went to get his things, shrugging on his trenchcoat. It had taken him a while, but he had become comfortable enough around Bobby and Jess to not wear it around them, although they still weren't aware of why he wore long sleeves all the time. He went outside and let himself into the Impala, smiling at the look on Dean's face.

Dean was excited to just sit in behind the wheel in the Impala, and knowing that he could actually drive her again. It was surprising to everyone, but he did actually listen to Castiel and had kept away from driving until now. "This is so awesome," he murmured and started the car. Even if he was excited, he did take it easy as he drove off.

Castiel chuckled, and shifted until he was leaning against Dean as he always did, although he shifted off whenever Dean had to make a turn. "I thought you'd enjoy it." he murmured.

"Oh, I'm enjoying it. I miss driving my Baby," Dean said and gently patted the wheel.

Castiel smiled softly, kissing Dean's cheek. "Isn't it sweeter now than if you had gotten me mad by driving earlier?" he asked.

"Anything's sweeter than having you be mad at me..." Dean pursed his lips, quickly glancing at Castiel.

Castiel rolled his eyes, and chuckled softly. "I never did apologize, did I?" he murmured. He had caught Dean jacking off to some Busty Asian Beauties some time ago, and had gotten mad at him.

"You didn't, but it's fine. Really," Dean replied. He didn't really see the problem behind what he'd done, but if Castiel didn't like it, he'd make sure to not do it again. Even if he loved those magazines.

"No, it's just...I did feel a little jealous, but I shouldn't have. I'm sorry." Castiel murmured. "I guess I was just frustrated, because I haven't been with you, like that, in a while."

"Well, it... There hasn't really been any right time for it," Dean said with a soft sigh. He did want to be intimate with Castiel, but there had been a lot going on.

"I know. I shouldn't have gotten mad, I'm sorry." Castiel apologized softly, resting his head on Dean's shoulder. The grocery store wasn't much farther away. "I just...I don't masturbate, but I needed to remember that you do."

Dean blinked and glanced at Castiel, surprised. "You don't?" he asked. "Huh. I thought everyone did..." He slowed down as the store came in sight, and pulled into the parking lot.

Castiel shook his head. "I don't. It's more of a personal choice. You gave me my first orgasm," he admitted, shifting up as they parked.

Dean took a moment to let the words sink in, then shrugged slightly. "Okay. Whatever floats your boat," he said as he pulled out the key and got out of the car. Castiel got out as well, grabbing a shopping basket and walking inside the store with Dean. He looked around, before grabbing some beef jerky from near the register, glancing over at Dean before he also grabbed a copy of Busty Asian Beauties, to give to Dean as an apology. He worked his way into the store, grabbing some toilet paper and wishing he could get some beer for Bobby as a thank-you, but knowing he was too young. He made his way over to the cold products, opening an egg carton to check them, and cursing slightly as a cracked egg broke in his fingers.

Dean followed along without really saying anything, just being happy to be out of the house and alone with Castiel, looking around a bit and minding his steps. His focus snapped to Castiel, and for the first time since they arrived, he got a good look at his boyfriend. In the shopping basket, there was a perfect combo for some time alone. Snack, porn and toilet paper. Then he saw the broken egg, and couldn't help but burst out laughing, knowing that he would probably attract attention.

Castiel flushed a bright red, glancing over at Dean and turning, accidentally knocking over a small snack display. He wiped the egg off on his jeans and apologized profusely to the store clerk, helping the man pick the mess up. Once he helped clean up his mess, he moved to get a new carton of eggs and went to look at the chicken, picking up a whole chicken and some rice.

Dean thought that maybe it was a dick move to laugh at his boyfriend like that, but he really couldn't help himself. "Uhm... You want help carrying that?" he asked, and motioned to the basket after Castiel had picked up the rice.

"I have it," Castiel replied, cheeks still red as he lugged the heavy basket towards the front.

Dean looked a little sceptical as he followed. "At least let me carry the bag - or bags, then?"

Castiel nodded as he placed the basket on the counter, and pulled out his wallet, paying the cashier. He apologized again for the mess he caused, and took the two heavier bags,leaving Dean to carry the two lighter ones. Dean bit his lip as he took the two lighter bags, guessing that he should be happy that he got to carry anything at all to help Castiel. When they reached the car, he unlocked it and put the bags in the back. Castiel put his bags in the back as well, blushing slightly as he pulled out the magazine, handing it to Dean as an apology, cheeks red.

Dean blinked, and slowly took the magazine from Castiel's hand. "... Oh. I was wondering why that happened to be in your basket." He cleared his throat awkwardly, his own cheeks turning red. "Uhm... Thanks, Cas."

"I hope you don't have that one," Castiel replied, a little awkward as he bit his lip and looked down at the floorboards.

"I don't, actually..." Dean mumbled, rubbing his neck. "Uhm... Wow. This is awkward." He smiled slightly.

Castiel chuckled slightly. "Sorry, I have a knack for making situations awkward..." he murmured.

Dean looked at him, smiling a bit wider. "Hey, it's fine. Really."

Castiel looked back at Dean, smiling back. "Forgive me?" he asked.

Dean leaned over to kiss him on the lips. "I already have, silly."

Castiel smiled into the kiss, nipping gently at Dean's lower lip as they pulled apart, shifting to curl up next to his boyfriend. Dean wrapped his arm around Castiel and pressed a kiss to the top of his head. "You want to drop by your house and put the food away, or are you planning to store it at Bobby's until later?"

"It's all for Bobby's, I'm at least keeping some decent food there," Castiel replied.

Dean's phone went off with a text from Sam. "Just met them, they seem okay. The man is named Bartholomew, and the woman's name is Abbadon. Then there's two girls here, Ruby and Meg."

Dean looked a bit surprised. "Wow... You didn't have to do that - but it's great." He kissed Castiel again, before looking at the text.

"Wow. Are they rich or something? Already have two kids and then decides to be a foster family..." he texted Sam.

"Meg and Ruby are foster kids too, it seems that they're infertile," Sam replied. "And the house is nice, but it's not home. I don't know what to think about them though...Meg's already alluded to having a threesome, but I'm with Jess! How do I turn them down, I need help."

"Lock yourself up in the room and never come out. Or lock up your crotch and swallow the key, probably works too. Or tell the parents. Or make up a lie about sickness... Or have you tried saying *no*?" Dean grimaced.

"Yeah, and Ruby just laughed at me....apparently, the parents know? I don't understand how this is "healthier" for me. Please hurry and pass the grade soon, I don't want to be here a minute longer than I Have to."

"Yeah, I guess you'll have to lock yourself up while I try to fix this. I'll hurry as much as I can. I promise."

Castiel frowned, having been reading the texts with Dean. "Wow..." he murmured. "Pardon my language, but that is bullshit."

Dean was a bit startled at Castiel's choice of words. "... Yeah. It kind of is. I'm just hoping we'll get him away from there before anything happens."

"Well, let's get to Bobby's and get to work," Castiel replied.

Dean nodded. "Yeah, let's..." He started the car and pulled out of the parking lot.

Castiel curled up with Dean the entire ride back to Bobby's, determined to help Dean. "Where are you the farthest behind? We'll start there," he asked.

Dean tensed up. "English..." he mumbled quietly. "There's a lot of it..."

Castiel nodded. "That's fine, we have to start somewhere." he pointed out, rubbing his hand over Dean's thigh, trying to soothe the tension there. "I'll help you, I promise."

Dean sighed. "It'd be a lot easier if I wasn't... Y'know... Stupid," he said the last word quietly.

"Hey, hey hey." Castiel replied, looking up at Dean. "You aren't stupid, not even a little. You just have trouble with reading, and that's okay." he rubbed Dean's thigh again. "You built the Impala from the ground up by yourself, Dean. You know cars, and you memorize these obscene references to movies that I will never understand. But you're brilliant. There's a reason you were Captain of the football team, Dean. You have a head for strategy, and leadership qualities. You aren't stupid."

Dean chewed on his bottom lip, staring at the road ahead. He didn't really know what to say - he wasn't very convinced. "... Sammy wouldn't have had to go if I was 'brilliant'."

"Just because you aren't gifted in the way that the education system thinks you should be doesn't mean you aren't brilliant." Castiel replied softly.

"But... Okay." Dean nodded slowly, giving in, even if he wasn't convinced. He wasn’t brilliant. He wasn’t even smart, not even when he tried.

Castiel tilted his head to press his lips to Dean's neck, keeping them there, hoping to comfort. Dean slowly relaxed at the feeling, being almost completely relaxed when they finally pulled into the salvage yard and parked outside of Bobby's house. Castiel pressed one last gentle kiss to Dean's neck before pulling away, getting out and grabbing the bags out of the backseat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the lack of a chapter yesterday, I completely forgot to post it due to other events in my life. I sincerely apologize, and hope that you enjoy this more lighthearted chapter.
> 
> ~Cinder


	22. Tutoring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILERS**
> 
> Once the couple arrives at home, Castiel helps Dean out with his homework, and Dean is relieved when he can finally go to sleep with completed assignments. Castiel wakes in the early hours with a serious case of morning wood, and Dean gives him a helping hand before they fall back asleep. The next morning, they get ready for school, hoping that Alistair won't give them trouble once they arrive.
> 
>  **TRIGGER WARNINGS**  
>  Learning disabilities, mentions of bullying

Dean made sure to grab the two lighter bags again, and locked the car before heading into the house with Castiel. "Hey, we're back!" he called out as they stepped inside.

Bobby was cleaning one of his shotguns in the kitchen. "Bout time. Guessed you two were out making out in the backseat of the Impala. Did Sam text you too, or do we have to tell you what's going on?"

Dean placed the bags on the counter, ignoring Bobby's first comment. "He texted me, yeah. It's sick, really. I hope he can hold it together..."

Bobby nodded. "I can't believe they think that's "better for him" he huffed, finishing up and clicking the shotgun back into place. "Jess' upstairs, she's pretty upset."

"Hey, I'd be upset too if I were her. Boyfriend's stuck with a pair of... Yeah." Dean grimaced.

Castiel was moving to start cooking dinner. "Dean, why don't you get your books, and we'll get started?" he suggested softly. "I don't think either of us are in the best position to comfort her right now."

"Yeah, I think you're right..." Dean nodded and headed off to fetch his books.

Castiel started making chicken and rice, smiling at Dean when he walked back in. "Okay, what do we have to do here?" he asked.

“Uh... Some reading and worksheets to go along with the texts... Just the usual." Dean sat down by the table, books placed in a neat pile.

Castiel looked over at the books, and smiled. "I have those as audiobooks," he replied. "I think listening to those will make it easier for you, but for now, I'll just read to you." he picked up the first worksheet. "What we're going to do is read the questions first, so you have them in mind as we read the text, all right?"

Dean licked his lip thoughtfully, then nodded. "Alright... Sounds like a plan I can manage."

Castiel read out the questions first, his hands busy with dinner as he read, and then picked up The Great Gatsby and started to read out loud. Dean listened carefully, clinging to each and every word that came out of Castiel's mouth.

Castiel read a few chapters before he set the book down. "Okay, that's enough for the questions you have. Do you think you can answer them?" he asked.

"Yeah... I hope so." Dean flipped open his notebook and put the work sheet by his side - able to read it easier now that he'd heard the words - then started working on the answers.

Castiel put the chicken in the oven to cook and washed his hands, starting to prepare the rice as well. "Let me know if you get stuck," he told Dean.

"Okay," Dean replied without looking up from his work.

Castiel finished cleaning up and left the food to cook, going upstairs to retrieve his own homework (he had been neglecting his own in favor of looking after the Winchester boys) and set up next to Dean on the table, beginning to work on his math. Dean worked quietly, his head bent over the homework. It was slow and he erased a lot, but he ended up finishing the worksheet without getting too frustrated with himself.

Castiel smiled proudly as Dean finished the first worksheet. "Good job!" he praised, leaning over to give Dean a kiss. "Ready for the next one?"

Dean huffed softly, his cheeks turning red at the praise. "I'm not a dog," he mumbled, but did hand over the next sheet to Castiel without any fuss.

"I know you aren't, but praise helps." Castiel replied, reading out the next worksheet before picking up the book again, and starting to read. They repeated this process until Dean's English homework was finished, only taking a break to eat dinner once it was ready.

Dean groaned as his English homework was finally out of the way. "Fucking finally..." he grumbled, rubbing tiredly at his eyes. It was a lot easier than when he was doing it on his own, but the amount of it had almost made him lose his temper.

Castiel smiled. "I'm proud of you, Dean." he murmured, kissing Dean's cheek. "Let's go to bed, you've earned a rest."

Dean hummed softly as he gathered his books. "Yeah... Man. I love being able to sleep in a bed again."

Castiel smiled, and picked up his own books, giving Dean his hand as they walked upstairs. "I've missed having you in bed with me," he admitted softly.

Dean laced their fingers together and smiled softly. "Yeah... I've missed it too. I don't like sleeping alone..."

Castiel nodded, leading them to the bedroom and stripping off his clothing down to his boxers, sliding into bed and leaving room for Dean. Dean took off his own clothes, hesitating slightly with his t-shirt, but decided to pull it off too, leaving him in his boxer briefs. He sighed softly as he slid in under covers beside his boyfriend. Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean, curling close and sighing happily as he was rewarded with the sensation of warm skin pressed against his own.

Dean pressed a kiss to Castiel's forehead. "Mmh... Just you and I," he mumbled, wrapping his own arms around Castiel.

"Mmm..." Castiel hummed softly, kissing the skin in front of him softly. "So we are."

Dean ran his hand up and down over Castiel's back, his eyes closing. Castiel snuggled close, his own eyes closing as he shivered under the gentle touches. "I love you." he whispered, lips ghosting over Dean's collarbone.

Dean sighed softly. "I love you too, Cas..." he whispered back, letting his hand resting on Castiel's lower back.

Castiel smiled softly, settling against Dean as he drifted off to sleep. He woke up halfway through the night, with a raging erection. He bit his lip and moaned softly, not wanting to move and risk waking Dean, but also not wanting to get rid of it while he was pressed against the other.

Dean was fast asleep, his arms still wrapped around his boyfriend and their legs tangled together. Castiel let out a short, sharp breath, not really sure what to do. Normally, he would take a cold shower, but he was so tangled up against Dean that that wasn't an option. His body shifted slightly, and he ended up rubbing against the other's hip, causing him to shudder and try to bite back a moan, not succeeding very well. Dean's only reaction was to sniff softly in his sleep, tightening his arms slightly around Castiel.

Castiel decided to bite the bullet, and gently shook Dean's shoulder. "Dean..." he whispered, shivering in his arms.

Dean grumbled something and tightened his hold even more, his eyes fluttering open as he woke up. "Uuh...?"

Castiel let out another moan, his hips pressed completely flushed against Dean. "I...I need to get up..." he whispered, trembling at the friction Dean's shifting, awakening body was giving him.

"Mmh... Don't want you to..." Dean mumbled, becoming more and more awake. "What do you gotta get up for anyway..." His voice trailed off as he felt the hardness that was squished between their bodies. "... Oh."

Castiel nodded, trying to stay still, each shift of Dean's body causing him to shiver and bite back a moan or gasp. Dean bit into his lip as it became more clear that it was indeed Castiel's erection. "Uh... Want me to lend you a hand...?" he mumbled.

"It's okay, g-go back to sleep...I was just...ahhh...going to take a shower..." Castiel whimpered.

Dean kissed Castiel's forehead. "Sssh... Let me take care of you. It's been a while..." he murmured. "Please...?"

Castiel bit his lip and nodded slowly, letting out a soft gasp. "It hurts..." he whispered.

Dean loosened his hold around Castiel, and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips. "Ssh... It'll be alright. I'm gonna take care of you..." he murmured, and reached to push down Castiel's boxers.

Castiel whimpered, his erection throbbing once it was free of the constraining boxers. Castiel leaned in to kiss Dean again, his hips moving to seek purchase against something. Dean carefully wrapped his fingers around Castiel's erection, and started stroking it slowly. He returned the kiss and deepened it. Castiel moaned into the kiss, pressing close against Dean as he parted his lips, gasps and moans escaping his throat.

Dean swallowed each and every noise that Castiel made. He made sure to run his fingers over the head, slicking them with precome and making it easier to stroke him. Castiel trembled, hips thrusting into Dean's hand. "Dean..." he moaned into Dean's mouth, tensing hard, already on the verge of his orgasm.

"It's okay, hon, just let go..." Dean murmured, tangling his free hand in Castiel's hair. He moved his hand a bit faster. Castiel gasped and shuddered as he came over Dean's hand and their stomachs, mewling into Dean's mouth as he shook. Dean continued to stroke him through his orgasm. He gently petted and caressed his boyfriend's hair.

Castiel finally collapsed in Dean's arms, spent, breathing hard through parted lips. Dean let go, and wrapped his arms around Castiel again. "Better?" he asked softly.

"Much," Castiel replied softly. "Thank you," he murmured, kissing Dean. "Do you want me to return the favor?" he asked softly.

"Mmh.. It's not needed, I'm only half hard, but if you want to..." Dean mumbled.

Castiel kissed Dean again, his hand sliding through the mess he made to push Dean's boxers down, taking his half-hard erection and stroking it. Dean moaned into the kiss, feeling himself harden in Castiel's hand. He rested his hands on Castiel's hips.

Castiel pressed their bodies close, feeling his own spent cock twitch with interest again, his libido high after weeks without any intimacy with Dean. He continued stroking Dean, rubbing his thumb over the slit. Dean tightened his grip on Castiel's hips. "Cas," he murmured against Castiel's lips. Having Castiel touch him was much better than touching himself.

"Dean..." Castiel murmured back, his hand stroking the other as he felt himself harden again. He shifted, and bit his lip as he took his erection in his hand too, pressing them together and stroking, letting out a low moan.

Dean bit his lip to stifle a gasp, then dipped his head to press his lips to Castiel's neck, moaning into the skin as he started to kiss and suck on it. Castiel trembled, gasping again as his hand continued to work both of them, shuddering at the sensation. "Dean..." he whimpered.

Dean thrusted gently into Castiel's hand, sucking on his neck until he left a mark. "Cas..."

Castiel moaned and quickened his hand, arching his head back and giving Dean more skin to work with, thrusting back against Dean. Dean kissed and licked at the skin on Castiel's neck, then nipped and sucked on each sensitive spot he could find, loving the sounds Castiel made.

Castiel tensed. "Dean, I'm close..." he whispered, hand moving and twisting around both of them.

"Me too..." Dean moaned quietly into Castiel's neck, his fingers sure to leave marks on Castiel's hips. Castiel bit his lip as he trembled, trying to hold on, wanting Dean to reach his orgasm first, for once. Dean thrust into Castiel's hand until he tensed up and came over them both, sucking harshly on Castiel's neck to stifle his moan.

As he felt Dean let go, Castiel cried out softly as he came, although not nearly as much as before. Dean panted against Castiel's neck, wrapping his arms around him.

Castiel hugged Dean tightly, breathing hard. "I did not think that would be as pleasurable as it was..." he murmured.

Dean chuckled breathlessly. "Sometimes, the most simple things are the best..." he replied.

Castiel nodded, kissing Dean's temple. "We need to clean up..." he murmured. "But honestly, I just want to go back to sleep."

"We can clean up in the morning," Dean mumbled. "Let's just go back to sleep..."

Castiel nodded in agreement, curling up against Dean's chest, closing his eyes and quickly falling asleep. Dean held Castiel close, sighing softly as he closed his own eyes. It didn't take long for him to fall asleep, either.

Castiel woke the next morning to a sticky stomach, and made a face. Their dried come was smeared over both of them, as well as all over the sheets. Dean was fast asleep with his face buried into the pillow.

Castiel shook his shoulder gently. "Dean, we need to get up. We have school, and we're disgusting."

Dean groaned in protest as he was awakened, resisting the urge to just roll over. He pulled himself away from Castiel and sat up.

Castiel kissed his cheek. "I say a shower is in order," he murmured.

Dean looked down at himself and Castiel, wrinkling his nose. "Ugh, yeah... You're right."

"Help me with the shower? I can never figure out how to work it."

Dean smiled as he kissed Castiel's cheek before getting off the bed. "Yeah, sure."

Castiel followed Dean to the bathroom, letting Dean take the lead and work the shower. "You know, if we take one together, it will save time and water...." he smiled.

Dean chuckled softly as he got the warm water running. "It'll be cramped, but I think we can make it work," he said.

Castiel just smiled, and got into the shower, holding the curtain open for the other. Dean stepped into the shower with a smile, and stole a gentle kiss from his boyfriend. Castiel returned the kiss, and leaned up to steal another from Dean, embracing him. Dean returned the embrace with one arm, snaking his free hand between their bodies to rub off the dried cum. Castiel let go of Dean and grabbed a washcloth, helping Dean clean them both.

Dean hummed softly, and continuously placed kisses on Castiel's lips, cheeks and jaws. Castiel smiled, humming. "I love you," he whispered.

"I love you too, Cas," Dean murmured softly.

Castiel finished washing up, and kissed Dean one last time before getting out of the shower, starting to dry off. Dean sighed softly as he stepped out of the shower as well. "One day, we need to take a bath together..." he mumbled, grabbing a towel to dry himself off.

Castiel nodded. "I agree." he murmured. "Next time we're at my house?"

"Yeah, sounds good." Dean smiled and wrapped the towel around himself.

Castiel did the same, and opened the door. He shivered at the cold air, but walked to the bedroom to get dressed. Dean followed Castiel to the bedroom. He dropped the towel on the floor before he got dressed in clean clothes. "You want any breakfast?"

Castiel shook his head. "I'm not very hungry, so I'll pass today." he replied, getting dressed in his regular outfit.

"All right. What about coffee some coffee, though?" Dean asked as he made sure that his bag was packed.

"Coffee is always welcome," Castiel replied, packing his own bag, and glancing at the sheets, seeing the stained cum on them. "You make the coffee, I change the sheets before Bobby sees?"

"... Yeah, that sounds like a good plan." Dean smiled sheepishly and moved over to give Castiel a soft kiss. "I'll be downstairs, then."

Castiel returned the kiss before letting Dean head down. "I'll be downstairs in a moment." He changed out the sheets for new ones, taking the soiled ones downstairs and putting them in the washing machine before heading to the kitchen.

Dean was standing by the counter, looking out through the window with a small frown. "I think the weather might turn bad," he said, handing Castiel his mug of coffee as he sipped on his own.

Castiel frowned as well, taking the mug. "I trust your Baby more than I trust any other car. We'll be okay."

Dean grinned, and wrapped an arm around Castiel. "Yeah. Baby's the best car ever."

Castiel leaned into Dean, sipping his coffee, loving the feel of Dean's arm around him. "Are we taking Jess today too?" he asked.

"Mmh... I'd been planning on that, but last night... I think if she wanted to go to school, she would be up now." Dean kissed Castiel's forehead.

Castiel nodded, sighing. "I don't know what we could do for her...I feel awful for her..."

"I don't think there is much we can do for her, but to get Sam back as soon as possible." Dean chewed on his lip.

Castiel nodded, sighing. "Well, we should get to school. I just wish we had more classes together..." he sighed.

Dean kissed him gently. "It'd make things easier, yeah..."

Castiel returned the kiss, finishing his coffee and putting his mug in the sink, grabbing his bag. "I'll see you at the bleachers for lunch though, right?"

"Of course - I wouldn't ever miss out on lunch with you," Dean said with a smile as he grabbed his own bag.

Castiel smiled, and went out to the Impala, sliding into the passenger's seat. "I hope Alistair isn't there today..." he murmured. Uriel and Zachariah had both been expelled, but couldn't be connected to Alistair, so he still went to the school.

Dean grimaced as he sat in the driver's seat. "Yeah... I really hope so too. I don't want to see his ugly mug," he grumbled as he started the car and started driving.


	23. Exhibitionism

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILERS**
> 
> When they arrive at school, a few girls confront Dean, telling him he needs to stop acting like he cares for Castiel and come back to dating girls again. Dean denies it, and Castiel stands up for himself and Dean. The actions made Castiel feel a little more confident and good about himself. Later, during lunch, the two share kisses and cuddles under the bleachers before things get a little more heated.
> 
>  **TRIGGER WARNINGS**  
>  Bullying, use of slurs, kissing without consent.

Castiel curled up next to Dean, as they drove to school in comfortable silence. When they parked, he got out and looked at the nearby teenage girls who had immediately fallen silent at the sight of him and Dean getting out of the Impala. Dean locked the car after he was sure he got everything, not really paying any attention to the girls not far from them.

One of the girls moved forwards, shoving past Castiel and grabbing Dean, kissing him full on the mouth.

Dean froze and dropped his bag to the ground in shock. It took a moment before he snapped out of it and grabbed the girl by the shoulders to push her away. "The fuck are you doing!"

"Reminding you how it feels to really kiss someone!" she replied. "You're wasting your time with _him_." she pointed at Castiel.

Castiel was shaking, his eyes wide after having witnessed the kiss. He was shocked, and angry. "What right do you have?" he asked, voice low. "What right do you have to molest someone else's boyfriend?"

"Please," she replied. "Go and suck a dick, little queer."

Dean wiped his mouth with the back of his hand as he picked up his bag. "Wow, isn't that what _you're_ trying to do, though? Now go away," he muttered, glaring at the girl.

One of the other girls gasped. "Why are you trying to fight it, Dean? You're straight, everyone knows that! The queer is just trying to ruin you!"

The first one cocked an eyebrow at Castiel. "See, I'm _allowed_ to suck dick. It's looked up to. I bet this little faggot has never even seen a dick in his life!"

Castiel moved to Dean's side, his eyes sharp on her. "I have, actually." he replied easily, taking Dean's hand. "Too bad you'll never know what Dean's even looks like, and I've tasted him." He turned away, taking Dean with him.

Dean couldn't help but laugh at the girls' shocked faces while he walked away with Castiel, then kissed him on the cheek, lacing their fingers together. "You're awesome."

Castiel gave Dean a tiny smile. "It felt good," he admitted. "To stand up for myself."

Dean returned the smile. "I'm proud of you," he murmured, gently squeezing Castiel's hand. Castiel smiled, squeezing it back, before he paused right outside of the doors to the school. In front of the girls in the parking lot, he reached up and kissed Dean on the lips.

Dean blinked, then relaxed and kissed back, reaching up with his free hand to caress Castiel's cheek. Castiel smile when they parted, glancing at the girls. "Sorry. I had to remind you what it's like to really   
kiss someone." he smiled cheekily.

Dean burst out laughing, wrapping one arm around his waist and giving him another kiss. "You're a bastard and I love it."

Castiel smiled into the kiss, and hugged him back. "I have to get to class. Stay safe." he kissed Dean one last time before he turned to get to his first class.

"All right. You stay safe too," Dean replied, watching Castiel for a moment before heading off to class himself.

When lunch came around, Castiel was waiting under the bleachers, getting his lunch out. Apart from a few names, his day had been relatively nice.

"Hey, Cas," Dean greeted as he came close enough to be heard. He sat down beside Castiel and gave him a soft kiss.

Castiel kissed him back gently. "Hello, Dean." he smiled. "How has your day been?"

"Mmh. I guess it's been okay, but I did get a note thrown at me asking if I was 'the dude or the girl'. Last time I checked, we’re both dudes." Dean rolled his eyes as he grabbed his lunch from his bag. "How about yours?"

"A few names. Extremely tame for what I normally deal with. I haven't seen Alistair, so that's a good sign." Castiel replied, starting to eat as he leaned against Dean.

“Yeah, I haven't seen him either." Dean nodded, and made a happy noise as he started to eat. "Food. Gotta love it."

Castiel smiled at him. "So, how did your English teacher react to all your finished work?" he asked.

"Shocked, to say the least. 'Winchester, my birthday isn’t until next month'," Dean mimicked with a grimace. That comment had been the last thing he needed.

Castiel smiled. "That's good, though. You're improving." he kissed his cheek once he had swallowed a mouthful of sandwich. "I'm proud of you."

Dean frowned slightly, a bit confused. "Improved? How? I was only able to hand it in because you helped me last night..."  
"But you did it. I helped you read, but you did the questions on your own," he replied. "You completed it. That's improvement in and of itself."

Dean huffed softly, and stared at his feet. "It's not the first time I've completed any school work y’know... It's just the first time there's been so much handed in on time. And that's not because I improved." 

Castiel kissed his cheek softly. "I'm still proud of you," he murmured.

Dean blushed and smiled faintly, glancing at Castiel before looking down again. "Okay..."

Castiel kissed the corner of his lips before going back to his lunch. Dean returned to his own lunch as well, letting them fall into a comfortable silence.

When Castiel finished, he stretched and laid down in Dean's lap, looking up at him with a smile. "It's so nice out here...no one bothering us..."

Dean nodded. "Yeah, it sure is... It's like, our spot." He crammed the last bit of his sandwich into his mouth, and chewed slowly.

Castiel smiled as he looked up at Dean, his fingers lazily tracing a pattern on Dean's thigh. "It is the place we met, officially," he pointed out.

Dean swallowed before looking down at Castiel, his brows knitted together as he tried to remember. He thought they had met in English class. "... It is?"

"Well, we knew of each other, but we never really talked until you came here," Castiel replied, leaning up to peck Dean's lips. "English doesn't really count, since we only ever discussed schoolwork."

Dean smiled softly as he understood. "Oh yeah... I came to check this place out because I needed to get away, and you happened to be here."

Castiel nodded, and kissed Dean again, nipping at his lower lip. "I still can't believe that girl kissed you..." he murmured.

Dean made a noise and returned the kiss. "Believe it or not, neither can I... I was pretty sure that I've made it clear that I'm not available."

Castiel was quiet for a few moments. "Do you miss it, though?" he asked softly. "Being with girls. It must be so much easier."

Dean stared at him as if he'd grown another head. "... Uh. No, I don't. And honestly, it's really no difference. Well, of course, you have a dick and they have breasts and vaginas, but..." He shook his head. "Anyway- It really doesn't matter. I'm with you, and that's it."

Castiel nodded, his head resting in Dean's lap. "I've never been attracted to breasts and vaginas, so..." he shrugged. "I wouldn't know what to do with a girl anyways."

Dean ran a hand through Castiel's hair. "It's fine, you focus on the dicks and asses." He chuckled softly.

Castiel smiled softly. "And you have a perfect example of both." 

Dean's cheeks turned red. "W-well... Uh... I wouldn't say perfect, but, I guess."

Castiel chuckled, leaning up to kiss Dean's red cheeks. "Are you sure about that?" he teased, one hand reaching to grope Dean's ass playfully.

Dean huffed softly, and gave Castiel's thigh a gentle smack. "Easy, tiger. Don't want to pop a boner 'cause you can't keep your hands off the goods."

Castiel chuckled, squeezing Dean's ass one more time before letting go, although he did nuzzle his cheek against Dean's crotch. Dean's breath hitched, and he looked down at Castiel. "You shouldn't do that..."

"I want to,” Castiel murmured softly, continuing to nuzzle against Dean's crotch and feeling the other slowly harden.

Dean bit into his lip to stifle a moan, knowing that he should stop Castiel but not really wanting to. "Fucking hell..."

Once he could feel Dean's hardness against his cheek, Castiel smiled sweetly up at the other. "Do you require assistance?"

Dean glanced around nervously, knowing that it was unlikely that anyone would see them, but it wasn't impossible. He looked down at Castiel. "Y-yeah, I do..."

Castiel moved and undid Dean's jeans, opening them and coaxing Dean's erection through the hole in the front of his boxer-briefs. He glanced up shyly through his lashes, parting his lips in invitation. Dean sucked in a breath, his erection twitching at the sight. "Fuck... Cas," he murmured, carefully moving his hips in a silent plea.

Castiel shifted so his head was still resting on Dean's lap, but he was facing the other teen. He parted his lips a little more, taking the head into his mouth and sucking gently, tongue lapping almost kittenishly at the slit.

Dean moaned softly and placed a hand on the back of Castiel's head, tangling his fingers in the dark hair. "Oh yeah..."

Castiel started to increase the suction, moving his tongue slightly before pulling off. He swallowed, before blushing slightly. "I...I want you to use my mouth..." he whispered, parting his lips again.

Dean's mouth went dry, and he knitted his brows together. "... Are... Are you really sure?" he asked quietly.

Castiel nodded, cheeks red. "I...I've always wondered what it felt like...if I don't like it, I'll tap your thighs three times, okay?"

Dean licked his lips slowly, then nodded. "Okay..." He moved his hands to gently hold Castiel's head.  
Castiel parted his lips, eyes wide and trusting on Dean's face.

Dean shifted his hips, not stilling until he managed to guide his erection to Castiel's lips. "Okay, here we go..." He slowly pushed his hips forward, biting his lip as he felt the warm wetness around him. He only let himself him push inside a little bit, before pulling out and then pushing in, then repeating the motion without going further in.

Castiel moaned softly around the other's erection, his eyes falling closed as he used his tongue to try to make this as pleasurable as possible for the other.

Dean moaned and continued to move his hips, letting himself push in just a little deeper when he felt that Castiel was ready. Castiel clenched his thumb tightly in his left hand, trying to will away his gag reflex and feeling a bit of excitement when the trick he had learned from researching how to give a blowjob forever ago actually worked.

Dean had a calm pace, biting his lip whenever he felt a loud moan coming. His eyes flickered to their surroundings every now and then, but mostly they remained on Castiel. "You're doing so good..." he breathed out.

Castiel swallowed around Dean's erection in response to his complement, hard and aching himself in his own jeans. This was fulfilling one of his fantasies, and the look on Dean's face made it all worth it.

Gradually, Dean picked up the pace in which he moved his hips, his breath quickening as he felt himself getting closer to his climax. He did his best to be gentle, but couldn't help to scratch at Castiel's scalp when he felt the faintest hint of teeth. He apologised as he shuddered, trying not to do it again.  
Castiel groaned at the scratch, his own erection twitching. He grabbed gasps of air whenever Dean pulled out, and tried to take Dean as deep as he could.

"Shit... Shit, Cas. I'm not going to last much longer..." Dean bit back a whimper as he accidentally slipped in further.

Castiel choked slightly, tears welling up in his eyes, but not tapping out.

Dean kept better control of how deep he went, but he moved less smoothly. "Fuck-" He pulled out most of his shaft, leaving only the head inside Castiel's mouth. He wrapped his fingers around the shaft and pumped himself with short strokes. "I'm coming," He warned, and moments later he moaned as he came inside Castiel's mouth.

Castiel swallowed everything Dean gave him, a little bit trickling out from the corner of his lips. He sucked Dean through his orgasm, finally parting his lips to let the now-softened cock slide out, panting hard.

Dean breathed heavily, taking a moment to just look at Castiel. "Wow... That was great." He caressed Castiel's cheek with his knuckles, before tucking himself in back into his underwear and zipped up his jeans. Then he leaned down to kiss the corner of Castiel's lips.

Castiel gave Dean a small smile, bringing his hand up to wipe the bit of cum from his chin, licking it off. "I'm glad you enjoyed it...I did." he replied, shifting uncomfortably. He had been so close to coming untouched, but hadn't been able to get over the edge.

Dean bit into his lip as he watched Castiel lick the cum off his hand. "... You want me to return the favor?" he asked.

"Do we have enough time?" Castiel asked.

Dean checked the time on his phone. "... If you come real quick, then maybe," he mumbled.

"I was about to come untouched, so I'm pretty close." he murmured.

"Oh... Damn, that's... Hot. Uh- Let's switch places, then." Dean smiled slightly.

Castiel sat up, and whimpered slightly at the friction, shifting so he was being supported against the bleacher's support. Dean was quick to settle between Castiel's, stroking his thighs and hips before pulling down the zipper and unbuttoning his pants. "I promise to give you something better and not hurried, tonight..." He slipped his hand into Castiel's boxers, pushing down the waistband as he pulled out his erection.

Castiel whimpered, head tilting back as he felt the sparks of pleasure. "I-I'm not going to last long at all..." he whispered.

Dean retracted his hand to spit on it, before wrapping it around Castiel's shaft, making it a little less dry as he started stroking it. He moved closer and parted his lips, swirling his tongue around the head and teased the slit, then wrapped his lips around it and sucked gently. Castiel let out a stilted moan, body tensing and coming almost as soon as Dean started to suck. Dean let out a surprised noise, not expecting it so soon. He did his best to swallow everything while stroking Castiel through his orgasm.

Castiel slumped back once he had finished, panting. "Sorry...I was close." he let out a breathy chuckle.

Dean hummed and licked his lips as he tucked Castiel's soft cock back into his boxers, then zipped up his pants. "It's fine."

Castiel leaned down to kiss Dean gently. "Thank you." he whispered, smiling as he heard the bell ring not even a minute later. "See you after class?"

Dean returned the kiss with a smile. "Yeah, see you later." He stretched as he got to his feet, and grabbed his bag.

Castiel grabbed his own bag, a happy smile on his face as he made his way back into the school.


	24. Carving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILERS**  
>  When Castiel doesn't meet Dean after school like he normally does, Dean gets worried and looks for his boyfriend. Alistair had found him, physically harming him and carving a word into his arm before leaving him handcuffed. Unable to afford another hospital trip, Dean takes Castiel to Bobby's to get patched up. Sam calls afterwards, expressing his fear and frustration at the house of hell he has been taken to.
> 
>  **MAJOR TRIGGER WARNINGS**  
>  Bullying, graphic physical violence, large amounts of blood, slurs, mention of self harm scars, mentions of drugs
> 
> IF ANY OF THIS TRIGGERS YOU, PLEASE READ THE SUMMARY INSTEAD OF THE CHAPTER

Later that afternoon, Castiel didn't show up at the Impala like he normally would. Dean was pacing, not really knowing what to do. He was sure Castiel would be by the Impala. He'd sent a text asking where he was, but hadn't gotten a reply even though it had been half an hour since they got out of class. Worry was gnawing at him, but he decided to wait just a little longer.

Castiel didn't reply to the text. Alistair had found him right after the last class, dragged him into the nearby bathroom and handcuffed him to the sink in the largest stall. He had yanked up his left sleeve, jeered at the scars he already found there, and carved the word "Fag" into his arm with a pocketknife before knocking him unconscious.

Dean eventually caved, and hurried back into the school building to look for his boyfriend. He tried to call Castiel, finding it hard to breathe when his boyfriend didn't pick up. He felt sick with worry as he searched for him, all sorts of scenarios running through his head.

Castiel was still unconscious, his weight mainly supported by his wrists and knees as his body slumped forwards, slightly contorted due to the position Alistair had forced him into.

Dean started asking people who were still at school if they had seen Castiel, but no one seemed to know. He pushed down his emotions and continued to look, trying to call Castiel again as he looked through the locker rooms.

Castiel was slowly regaining consciousness, his arms screaming at him in pain. He could feel his phone vibrating in his pocket, but had no way to answer it. He shuffled to the wall, smacking his hip into it, hoping some button would press and the call would connect.

Dean almost felt like crying when he heard the call connect. "Cas? Is that you? Where are you?" he asked. The weird sound coming from Castiel's end made him feel a bit confused. "... Cas?"

"Dean...?" Castiel croaked out, feeling the vibrations stop. "Dean, if you can hear me, I'm in the upper bathroom down D wing. Alistair found me, I can't move, he handcuffed me..."

"Cas- I can't hear you well. You gotta speak up," Dean said a bit louder, gripping the phone tightly in his hand. He was only able to make out a few words.

Castiel couldn't hear what Dean was saying, and kept repeating the words over and over, hoping that Dean could get something out of it. Blood was dripping down his arm, starting to puddle on the floor.

Dean kept the phone pressed against his ear, straining to hear. It sounded like Castiel spoke of the D wing, though he couldn't be too sure. Either way he started searching for him there as it was at least something to go on, and after a while figured that he should check the bathrooms as well. "Cas?" he called out as he went inside.

"Dean." Castiel replied, voice hoarse and tinged with pain. "Large stall..."

Dean froze. He pocketed his phone after ending the call, and headed over to the large stall. Fortunately, the door was unlocked, and he opened it. "What the fuck- Cas!" He gasped, staring at Castiel.

"Alistair." Castiel replied, knowing it explained everything. "Help me get out of the handcuffs, please, I may dislocate a shoulder if this continues much longer..." Castiel's hands were cuffed behind his back and to the spout on the sink

Dean dropped his bag to the floor, and started digging through it until he found a notebook. He grabbed the paper clip and bent it out of shape, then picked the lock to the handcuffs. "I thought he wasn't at school," he muttered.

"I don't know." Castiel replied, letting out a sigh of relief as his arms were freed once Dean had picked the lock. He immediately grabbed some paper towels, pressing it to the word. "He found me after my last class and dragged me here."

"Damn bastard..." Dean put the paper clip back into his bag, then moved to wrap his arms around Castiel, holding him tightly and pressing his face into his neck.

Castiel leaned into the embrace, his arms busy trying to stop the bleeding. "I'm sorry I scared you..." he whispered, recognizing how Dean was trembling, the way he was scared, but would never say it.

Dean let out a soft huff and shook his head, tightening his hold. He took a deep breath through his nose, trying to let Castiel's scent and warmth calm him.

Castiel kissed the side of his head, curling up as best he could in Dean's arms, just whispering, "I'm here, I'm relatively okay, I'm sorry..." over and over.

Dean managed to calm down eventually. He lifted his head, and pressed light kisses to Castiel's cheek. "You don't need stitches, do you...?"

"Maybe," Castiel lifted the paper towel, which had soaked through with blood, the word large and red against Castiel's pale arm. He flinched slightly. "This is going to scar..." he murmured.

Dean frowned as he looked at Castiel's arm. "We'll have to clean it up... I don't want you to get an infection..." He bit into his lip.

Castiel nodded. "Definitely. Who knows what Alistair's pocketknife has on it..."

"Yeah... You know, I bet he has a fetish." Dean huffed. "Let's go home and get you patched up... Or do you want to go to the hospital?"

Castiel shook his head. "I can't afford another trip to the hospital." he replied, grabbing some fresh paper towels and pressing them against the wound.

"Let's go to Bobby's, then. If the bleeding doesn't stop, he'll know how to patch you up. I don't trust myself to do it." Dean grabbed both their bags.

Castiel nodded, slowly getting up and wincing before following Dean out of the building.

When they reached the Impala, Dean helped Castiel into the passenger seat, then slid into the driver's seat and started driving to Bobby's without bothering to put his seatbelt on.

"Try keep your arm over your head. Hopefully it'll slow down the bleeding."

Castiel did as instructed, keeping the pressure firm and trying desperately not to get blood on the interior of the Impala, not wanting Dean furious at him for it.

Dean didn't say much else during the rest of the ride, regularly glancing over at Castiel to make sure he was somewhat okay. Some of the tension in his shoulders disappeared as he saw the salvage yard.

Castiel lowered his arms as he got out of the car once they had parked. The paper towels were now soaked with blood again, and Castiel was feeling a little light headed.

Dean got their bags, holding them in one hand and wrapping his free arm around Castiel, leading him to the house. He knocked on the door, before trying to open it - smiling when it did open and they could step inside. "Hey, Bobby!"

"I'm in the study!" Bobby called back, immersed in a very-old book.

Dean dropped their bags, and lead the way to the study. "I'm sorry, Bobby, but we need a bit of help..."

Bobby looked up. "What happened?" he asked, getting up and getting a first aid kit. "Put him on the sofa," he directed.

Dean did as he was told, and carefully helped Castiel sit. "Alistair handcuffed Cas in one of the bathroom stalls, and... Well. Used a pocket knife to 'write' on Cas' arm."

Bobby shook his head, moving to Castiel's side and peeling back the paper towels, shaking his head again at the sight of the word. "This ain't right," he murmured, moving to clean the wound out. Castiel bit back a cry of pain as Bobby washed it out with vodka.

Dean held Castiel's free hand in his own and caressed his hair with his other hand. "Squeeze my hand if you need to," he murmured. Castiel squeezed it tightly as Bobby worked, cleaning out the wound and starting to stitch it up. Dean chewed on his lip, not liking that Castiel was in pain.

Once Bobby finished, Castiel let out a gasp, relaxing against Dean, his forehead matted with sweat. "Just keep it clean," Bobby replied. "And hopefully it won't scar too bad. But it looks like you're prone to scarring, boy."

Castiel tensed again; he hadn't even thought about it, but now Bobby had seen the lines of self-harm scars.

"It's okay, Cas. It's okay," Dean murmured, brushing some hair from Castiel's forehead and kissing his temple.

Bobby nodded. "We all deal with shit, boy. And we deal with it differently." he pat Castiel's shoulder before going to clean up, putting the kit back.

Dean smiled. "Thanks for the help, Bobby." He wrapped his arms around Castiel.

Bobby grunted in reply, going to do his own thing. Castiel had his face in Dean's neck, using the other's scent to calm down, his arm stinging and aching.

  
Dean rubbed his hand over Castiel's back. "I'm sorry to put you through that... It's better than to let just let it be, though..."

"I know." Castiel murmured, slowly calming down.

Dean's phone went off a few moments later. Sam was calling. Dean hesitated before picking up his phone. He quickly accepted it as he saw that it was Sam. "Hey, Sam."

"Help me." Sam replied immediately. "God I need to get out of this house."

Dean's stomach dropped. "Sam? What the hell happened?"

"It's like I'm living in a house full of demons!" Sam replied. "The parents are constantly fighting, and Ruby keeps trying to get me to sleep with her. Meg does drugs, and offered me some heroin."

Dean frowned. "... Dude, that's just sick. Make sure to keep your toothbrush in your room, not the bathroom. Don't touch anything sharp if you don't know where it has been- if you must touch it and it's metal, use a lighter on it first. Heat cleans it up. Also, did you get the number to that woman who took you away?"

"I did, but she insists to "wait it out"." Sam sighed. "Hurry Dean, I'm really not sure how long I can take this. How's Jess doing?"

"She's pretty upset- worried about you and very pissed at your temporary foster family..."

Sam sighed. "Tell her I'll be back soon. How's Cas? Is everything going okay?"

"I'll tell her. And Cas isn't doing too well... Alistair got to him. Had to get Bobby to stitch him up..." Dean looked down at Cas.

Sam cursed softly. "You guys really need to report him to the police. It's not fair that he gets away with so much."

"I know, I know... He's a slippery bastard though, it'll be really tough." Dean sighed.

There was a sudden muffled sound, and what sounded like Sam shouting at someone. More muffling. "I've got to go. Take care of Jess for me." was the quick, hushed reply before he hung up.

Dean kept his phone pressed to his ear, moments after Sam had hung up. He sighed quietly as he lowered his arm, and put his phone back in his pocket. Castiel was relaxing against Dean, his breathing back to normal. He looked up at Dean, frowning slightly. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Just a bit tired." Dean carefully rested his head on top of Castiel's, and closed his eyes.

Castiel pressed a kiss to the underside of Dean's chin. "Let's take a nap. We deserve it." he murmured.

"Yeah... Though only a short one, I have a lot of work to do," Dean mumbled.

Castiel nodded, getting off of Dean so they could adjust, laying next to him on the couch, pulling out his phone to set an alarm for the next hour. Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel's waist and pulled him close, sighing softly as he let himself relax. Castiel carefully rest his injured arm on top of Dean’s torso, closing his eyes and curling close. Dean closed his own eyes, focusing on Castiel's breathing and his warmth. Castiel fell asleep not much longer later, his breathing steady against Dean's throat. Dean was awake for a while longer, and when he finally went under, it was only into a light slumber.


	25. First Touches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Spoilers**
> 
> Dean gets curious and starts to research how he and Castiel could have penetrative sex. When he fails to close the browser properly and Castiel discovers what Dean had been researching, they decide to have their first time the next night.
> 
>  **Trigger Warnings**  
>  Mentions of self harm scars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is basically just sex.

A few more weeks passed. Castiel worked with Dean every single night to improve his grades, and they were steadily improving. Alistair had gotten his hands on Castiel a few more times, but nothing had been as bad as the bathroom incident. The cuts scarred, making Castiel even more insecure about baring his arms. Even being around Dean made him nervous. They spent their time either at Castiel's house or Bobby's, and they were currently at Castiel's.

Castiel was taking a nap, exhausted after he had started a fresh round of medication, leaving Dean to research for an upcoming paper by himself.

While Dean was thankful for all the help he got, he couldn't help but feel frustrated. Everyone around him seemed to get worse. He missed and worried about Sam incredibly, Jess didn't really speak to him and it felt like she was secretly blaming him for Sam being gone (he already blamed himself), and Castiel never got a break from Alistair, taking him a step back in his progress dealing with his depression.

Dean had a growing headache from trying to read all words on Castiel's computer. Research wasn't his thing. Though, it all depended on what it was, really. He licked his lips and looked around, then started typing in google search, deciding to ignore his school related research for a while. For a while, he had been curious about how he and Castiel could have penetrative sex, though he never said anything about it - Castiel had enough things to worry about. He knew the basics, it was just everything around it. He bit his lips as he started reading, and found a couple of videos. He grabbed his earphones and plugged them in. After a while, his face was red and his jeans felt very uncomfortable, but he couldn't help but continue looking around while he was sure that Castiel was still passed out.

Castiel woke up about half an hour afterwards when his alarm went off, still extremely groggy. His therapist had started him on a new antidepressant, one that was a bit stronger than his previous dose, as Castiel had admitted that he was falling closer and closer to relapsing horribly. One of the side effects was extreme drowsiness, and so he slept more than usual. However, another side effect was increased libido, which he had enjoyed with Dean. He groaned and rolled over in bed, tempted to just go back to bed, but knowing he needed to get up and check on Dean before making them dinner. He ended up falling back asleep.

Dean continued to watch videos until he no longer could stand the guilt and the heat of doing so. He made firefox force quit, not thinking much of it. He looked around a bit as he got to his feet a bit awkwardly, head swimming with gay sex videos of guys that had a resemblance to Castiel. It didn't seem like Castiel was up, and he didn't want to disturb him if he was sleeping. So he went to the bathroom, hoping to quickly get rid of his problem and then make dinner.

Castiel woke a few hours later, the clock showing 10:37 pm. He groaned, and forced himself up, rubbing at his eyes. He padded downstairs, looking for Dean and ready to apologize for not making dinner when he said he would.

The shower was running, meaning that Dean was in there. The food was already done, but cold and still standing on the stove - it was rice and some pot with meat and root vegetables. The computer was still on where Dean had left it, with a pop up that the browser shut down unexpectedly.

Castiel smiled happily at the sight of food, getting a plate and serving himself, popping it in the microwave to heat up. He moved over to the computer, brow furrowing slightly at the popup, clicking on the button to restore the previous session. Dean would probably need the webpages that were open… Oh.

Castiel turned a bright, bright red when he saw the tabs that came back up. One was an instruction manual on how to have gay sex, and the rest were videos. He quickly closed the browser down properly, eyes wide with shock. He had to think. Obviously, Dean wanted to have sex, penetrative sex. And he was willing to do the research. His pants tightened somewhat at the thought, and he ran his fingers through his hair. Was he ready for that?

Yes. Yes he was. He decided. He loved Dean, and was willing to give him everything. He took a deep breath, and let it out. Well, he would pick up lubricant and condoms next time he went grocery shopping, then.

When Dean finally turned off the shower and stepped out, he felt a bit more relaxed. He took his time drying himself off, trying to keep his mind off the videos and everything else and just relax. He pulled on a t-shirt and boxer briefs, leaving the dirty clothes in a pile in the corner. He'd take care of it later, he thought, and stepped out of the bathroom.

Castiel was pulling his plate out of the microwave when Dean came into the kitchen. "I'm sorry about not making dinner," he told Dean when he saw him, giving him a tired smile.

Dean frowned slightly. "Hey now, there's no need to apologize. You were tired." He walked up to Castiel and gave him a gentle kiss.

Castiel returned it. "How did your research go?" he asked.

"Oh, it went well. Found a few... Really good articles, though it was a bit hard to read," Dean said, willing himself not to think about what he'd done beside school-related research.

Castiel nodded, biting his lip slightly. He debated for a moment whether or not to bring up the other aspect of Dean's research before he decided to go for it. It was safer for them to talk it out beforehand, after all. To make sure they were both ready. "I, um...I saw what else you were looking up. The browser had unexpectedly shut down, and I thought you may need the tabs..." he was a bright red. "Do you want...I mean, were you interested in...?"

Dean also turned bright red. Damn. He hadn't made sure that the browser was closed properly. Licking his lips nervously, he looked at the floor, wondering if this could be more awkward. "Uhm, I... Well... Yeah."

Castiel nodded. "I...I'd like that too." he murmured. "I'd like it to be you." he kissed Dean's cheek softly. "We...we'll need a few things, before, though..."

Dean looked up, a bit surprised. "... Y-yeah, there are some things we need." He nodded.

Castiel scratched the back of his head. "Um, we can get supplies tomorrow? It's a little late now..." he murmured. "Which....do you want to top or bottom?" he asked, voice low. He personally always thought of himself as a bottom, but he would try to top if Dean wanted it that way. He knew his boyfriend was still adjusting to having a male significant other, and this was a huge step.

"I... I don't think I'm ready to bottom, yet..." Dean admitted and bit his lip. "So I'd rather top, if that's alright… It’s what I’m used to, anyway." He wasn't opposed to the idea of bottoming, but thinking of actually doing it made him more nervous than he'd thought possible. Maybe in the future, he could do it... "Yeah, we can get what we need tomorrow..."

Castiel nodded, relief on his face. "I think I'd prefer to bottom anyways." he chuckled. He bit his lip again. "Um...let me eat, and then we could head to bed?" he suggested, his own pants tight from the thought.

"Ah, I see... Alright. Well, I'll be. Uh. I'll clean up a bit by the computer while you eat." Dean kissed Castiel on the corner of his lips.

Castiel smiled, and sat down to eat his dinner. "It's delicious," he smiled at Dean.

Dean smiled at the compliment, and put away his notebooks and papers into his bag. Then he headed upstairs to Castiel's bedroom to tuck in for the night. When Castiel finished eating, he put away the leftovers and cleaned up, then headed upstairs to go to bed as well.

The next day, Castiel managed to get through the school day, although his mind was constantly on Dean and their plans for later that night. They had planned to go to the drugstore after school, and pick up some condoms and lube. He let out a nervous breath as he approached the Impala, giving Dean a soft smile. "Ready?"

Dean returned the smile. He'd been thinking about their plans all day, too, and it had been hard to focus during class. It was even harder to not let the thoughts affect him. "As ready as I can be. You?" He unlocked the Impala and slid into the driver's seat.

"Same." Castiel slid into the passenger's seat, letting out a nervous chuckle. "Um, I did some research. Apparently, Trojan condoms and KY Jelly Lubricant are the best to use."

Dean's cheeks turned pink, and he looked at Castiel. "... When did you-?" He raised a brow, then started the Impala and focused on the road as he started driving.

"I got bored during math class." Castiel replied, cheeks just as pink as Dean's.

Dean couldn't help but laugh. "First the blowjob, now research on lube and condoms..."

Castiel's cheeks darkened. "I-I wanted to be sure we get the best kind...and you weren't protesting, if I recall correctly."

Dean cleared his throat. "I wasn't. And I don't regret it. It was really good..."

Castiel offered Dean a smile, leaning against him and lacing their fingers together, only getting nervous when they pulled into the parking lot of the drugstore. "Um...only one of us should probably go in...we shouldn't cause a scene." he murmured.

Dean thought about it, and couldn't do anything but agree. "Yeah... Uh. Want me to go in?"

"If...if you could?" Castiel requested, flushing again.

Dean smiled softly. "Sure. Trojan and KY, yeah?" he asked as he got out of the car. When he got the 'yes', he made sure he had his wallet before heading into the store.

Castiel sighed, letting out a nervous breath and rubbing at his temples as he waited in the Impala. He had originally planned for them to get some work done first, but...honestly, he doubted that was going to happen.

It didn't take too long for Dean to come back, bag in hand. His cheeks were a bit red as he sat down behind the wheel. "Old ladies like to talk when they think you can't hear them," he mumbled, placing the bag in Castiel's lap.

"What were they saying?" Castiel asked, setting the bag down on the floor, settling against Dean once they were on the way to his house.

"Apparently, their husbands also used to have nice asses, and that you're lucky to have a boyfriend who takes protection seriously..."

Castiel laughed softly. "I've told you many times, your ass is perfect." he smiled. "And I am lucky," he kissed Dean's cheek softly, before nipping playfully at his earlobe.

Dean huffed softly, and reached down to rub his hand on Castiel's thigh. "Well I think your thighs are more perfect than my ass."

Castiel huffed in return. "These? You've got to be joking." he murmured, continuing to kiss and nip at Dean's jaw and ear.

"I'm serious." Dean gently squeezed Castiel's thigh, eyes glued to the road. "They're the best."

Castiel just shook his head, but said nothing in return, kissing Dean's neck once more before settling against him.

When they pulled into the house, Castiel started to get nervous. "Um… I'm going to take a shower first, if that's okay?" he blushed slightly. "You...you should work on something while I'm doing that..."

Dean put his things on the couch, feeling a bit nervous himself. "Oh, okay... All right. I'll just... Do some math or something, then."

Castiel nodded, going into the bathroom and starting the shower.  
He came out a bit later, having cleaned himself as best he could. He was wearing a light, white t-shirt (short-sleeved, for once) and a pair of royal-blue boxers. He bit his lip, letting out a soft sigh before extending his hand towards Dean, clearly nervous, but still excited.

Dean immediately put his work on the table, and reached out to grab Castiel's hand as he stood up. He pressed a soft kiss to his boyfriend's cheek, lacing their fingers together, then walked upstairs to the bedroom with him. He was nervous, too, but tried to keep calm for Castiel's sake.

Castiel let out a shaking breath, the bag of condoms and lube waiting on the bedside table. He turned to face Dean once they were near the bed, leaning up to kiss him, just as sweetly and softly as he did the first time they had kissed. Well, the first time Dean kissed him in return.

Dean cupped Castiel's face in his hands, and returned the kiss gently. Then he moved his hands down to Castiel's neck, over his shoulders and down his arms. "I'm going to treat you right, I promise..." he murmured.

Castiel nodded, letting out a soft breath, shivering slightly at the touches. He slowly sat down on the bed, bringing Dean with him, before shifting back until he was lying down, blue eyes almost black with desire, his heart feeling like it was about to hammer out of his chest. "I trust you," he murmured softly. "And I love you."

Dean swallowed thickly as he got on all fours over Castiel. He looked straight at him, loving the way he looked. A blush at the top of his cheeks, lips swollen from having bit them, pupils dilated until the blue iris was merely a ring. "I love you too, Castiel," he whispered, pressing his hand flat to Castiel's chest above his heart, before leaning down to press their lips together.

Castiel closed his eyes as he kissed Dean back, every point of contact between them feeling as if it were emitting flames, burning through his being. His arms came up to wrap around Dean, embracing him and bringing him close as they kissed.

Dean kissed him slowly and gently, wanting to make this last for a while. He knew there was work to do, but right now, nothing mattered more than Castiel. He ran his hands up and down Castiel's sides and hips, repeating the touch a couple of times before slipping his hands under the white t-shirt, and splayed his fingers wide over the warm skin of his boyfriend's stomach.

Castiel let out a hitched moan into Dean's mouth, savoring the long, lingering kisses. Dean was his everything in this moment, nothing mattered but the feel of his lips and the touch of his hands. The muscles of his stomach rippled gently under Dean's touch. Dean caressed Castiel's stomach, then moved them up to Castiel's chest, nipples caught between his fingers. He rubbed them slowly with his thumbs, swallowing back a groan as he felt them harden. Gently he squeezed them between his fingers, and left a trail of kisses from Castiel's lips to his ear, then his neck. Castiel was breathing hard, letting out soft moans, eyes closed as he just focused on the sensations coursing through his body.

Dean sucked a couple of marks on both sides of Castiel's neck, making sure to get the more sensitive spots. He wanted to make this good for Castiel. Wanted him to feel that Dean loved him.  
Dean moved his hands and slowly pushed Castiel's shirt up to reveal his torso, then shifted to place a kiss in the middle of his chest.

Castiel was trembling as Dean marked him, letting out soft mewls of pleasure. Every touch, every kiss and gesture was communicating the love Dean held for him, and it was almost too much to bear. But he knew more was coming, and shrugged out of his shirt so Dean could see, his scars pink against his pale flesh. The fresher one, the word carved into his arm, was still a bright red, and he turned away from it, embarrassed.

Dean pressed soft kisses all over Castiel's collarbones. He traced every scar on his chest with the tips of his fingers. He kissed up to his shoulder, then over to his other shoulder. There were soft kisses pressed to the middle of chest, straight up to his chin, then back down. Dean stuck his tongue out, and licked at one of Castiel's nipples, before wrapping his lips around it. His hands moved, and started trailing up and down Castiel's arms, fingers ghosting over the word but paying it no mind. It meant nothing to Dean in this moment - it didn't ruin Castiel's beauty.

Castiel shivered, letting out broken gasps and soft moans at the worshiping of his scarred body. A few tears slid down his cheeks; no one had ever, in his life, made him feel so loved and beautiful, so cared for and adored. His hands lay on the bed, too entranced with these feelings to try to hold onto Dean, his lips kissing burning paths over his skin.

Dean licked and gently sucked on Castiel's nipples, before kissing his way down Castiel's stomach. He dipped his tongue into the navel, before moving to suck marks on the skin above the sharp hipbones. His hands caressed Castiel's thighs, then removed his underwear. All the sounds that he lured out of his boyfriend made his jeans tight, but he kept quiet as he moved lower, to lick and suck marks on the inside of the pale thighs.

Castiel's thighs were trembling, his erection heavy and ready, resting against his stomach. His hands twisted into the comforter for something to hold as he cried out softly, panting hard. "Dean..." he whispered, the other's name reverent on his lips.

Dean looked at his boyfriend's body, his cheeks red. "Damn, you're beautiful..." he whispered. He gave Castiel's shaft and balls some kittenish licks, and braced himself as he lowered his head and spread Castiel's legs. He gave a small, tentative lick between Castiel's asscheeks.

Castiel jerked at the sensation, tossing his head back and arching his hips up. "Y-you don't have to..." he whispered softly.

Dean almost whimpered at Castiel's reaction, but bit his tongue to keep quiet. He didn't reply, and instead let his actions speak for him, as he gently spread the cheeks with his thumbs and gave a bold lick to the skin.

Castiel let out a higher-pitched moan, his erection twitching. He reached for the table and got the lube, handing it over to Dean. "Please..." he asked, voice husky and wanting.

Dean's throat went dry as he accepted the lube, then took his time with opening the new tube. His heart was pounding in his ears as he opened the cap, and squirted some onto his fingers. Taking a deep breath, he leaned down to kiss Castiel's erection. "Ready?" he asked softly as he positioned his fingers by Castiel's hole. He waited for Castiel's reply, before gently pushing one finger inside, taking it slow.

Castiel shuddered hard at the intrusion, taking ragged breaths as he tried to calm down, his body tensing slightly and the single finger causing a slight bit of pain.

Dean noticed Castiel's discomfort, and wrapped his free hand around his shaft, stroking it slowly. "Relax, Cas..." he murmured, before licking the head of Castiel's cock.

Castiel slowly relaxed under the attention to his cock, still breathing hard. "You can move..." he whispered.

Dean nodded. He continued to lick and kiss Castiel's erection, as he began to push his finger in and out in slow motions. After a while he wiggled it around a bit, trying to loosen Castiel up a bit more. He tried his best to be as gentle as he could.

Castiel relaxed as best he could. "You can add another," he murmured after a while.

Dean nodded. He assumed that it would cause more discomfort, so he wrapped his lips around the head of his boyfriend's cock and sucked gently, while he carefully pushed a second finger into him. Castiel hissed slightly, in mixed pain and pleasure as Dean pressed in, clenching around his fingers.

Dean stopped moving his fingers. Instead, he focused on lowering his head, taking more of Castiel's erection into his mouth and sucking on it. Castiel whined softly, slowly relaxing under Dean's attentions. Dean managed to push his fingers all the way inside. He let Castiel adjust, before moving them in and out, eventually scissoring them to stretch him more.

Castiel bucked hard at one point, crying out as Dean found his prostate, shuddering.

Dean's eyes stung and he almost gagged, not having stopped sucking on Castiel's erection. He pulled off and swallowed hard, and forced his throat to relax so he wouldn't start coughing. He tried to rub over Castiel's prostate as much as he could while he continued to stretch him.

Castiel was relaxing even more around Dean's fingers, murmuring an apology through his moans, his erection twitching. "S-stop… Don't w-wanna come y-yet..." he gasped.

Dean licked his lips and nodded slowly, and did his best to avoid Castiel's prostate as he continued to stretch him. When he felt stretched enough, Dean applied some more lube on his fingers. "Okay, third one..." he mumbled, and gently pushed a third finger inside. His finger pressed in without issue, and Castiel let out a breathy moan.

Dean licked his lips, and continued to stretch Castiel. It looked obscene, the way Castiel's body swallowed his fingers, yet gave in when he spread them. "U-uh... I think you might be ready..."

Castiel nodded, breathing harshly, handing Dean the box of condoms. Dean unbuckled his belt and opened up his jeans, pushing them down a bit along with his boxers. Then he opened the box and took out a condom, carefully ripping the foil open. He bit his lip as he rolled the condom onto his erection, then applied some lube on to it. Carefully he draped his body over Castiel's, kissing him gently as he shifted his hips slightly. "Ready...?"

"Yes," Castiel breathed, hands coming up to grasp at Dean's back as he felt the blunt tip of the other's erection nudging his entrance. He took a deep breath, eyes locked on Dean's.

Dean nodded, and pressed their foreheads together as he pushed his hips forward, the head of his cock slipping inside. He bit back a groan, and kept still for a moment before slowly pushing in the rest of the way. Castiel cried out, body shaking as he was filled and stretched, fingernails digging into Dean's back. He was trembling, trying to adjust to the thickness of Dean's cock, much bigger than his fingers. He clenched slightly around Dean as he fought to relax, breathing hard and letting out broken noises.

Dean shushed him softly, and lifted his head to press soft kisses all over Castiel's face, his hands caressing his boyfriend's sides, hips and thighs. Even if he still had a shirt on, he knew that he'd have marks on his back from this. "It's okay, it's okay... Deep breaths, Cas... Ssh..."

Castiel took deep breaths, slowly relaxing and adjusting to Dean's presence in his body. Once the pain had faded, the fullness was incredible, and he couldn't believe how intimate this act was. He leaned up to catch Dean's lips in his own, whispering "You can move, just go slow please..."

"Okay..." Dean mumbled, and gave him a gentle kiss. He grabbed Castiel's hips, and slowly pulled out and pushing back in just as slowly. It was tight and he felt like moaning, but all that came out was a shaky breath and he swallowed thickly, voice stuck in his throat.

Castiel let out a breathy moan, hands still tight on Dean's back as he felt the other move inside of him, the friction feeling wonderful. Dean continued to thrust into Castiel in a slow, steady pace. He closed his eyes, and let himself drown in the feeling of Castiel under him and the tight heat that made him feel breathless. Castiel was letting out soft mewls and pants, and then arced and clenched hard around Dean as he hit his prostate. "There...right there..." he whimpered.

Dean opened his mouth in a silent gasp as Castiel clenched around him. He swallowed and nodded quickly, angling his hips to try and brush against Castiel's prostate with each thrust. Castiel let out moans as Dean pressed against his prostate, his erection twitching as he started to rock his hips against Dean, begging wordlessly for him to go faster. Dean held Castiel's hips in a firmer grip, and picked up the pace of his thrusts. He pressed his face into Castiel's neck and moaned quietly.

Castiel cried out, his hips meeting Dean's as he tensed slightly. His hand came between their bodies to start stroking his own shaft, pushing himself close to the edge. "I...I'm close..." he whimpered.

It took a moment, but after swallowing a few times, Dean made his voice work. "M-me too..." he breathed out, pausing his thrusting to roll his hips a few times, before thrusting again.

Castiel cried out, his entire body tensing as he came between their bodies, clenching hard around Dean as he orgasmed, his free hand digging into Dean's back once more.Dean grunted at the tightness, and after a couple of more thrusts, he tense up and came with a long moan. Castiel was breathing hard, slowly relaxing as he came down from his high, slumping back into the bed, eyes closed as he panted softly, starting to cry.

Instead of relaxing, Dean tensed up even more and panicked as he opened his eyes and saw the tears on Castiel's face. "Hey- What's wrong?" he asked, moving his hands to cup Castiel's cheeks.

"N-nothing..." Castiel whispered, holding Dean close. "I just...that was amazing, and wonderful, and I will never regret it being you."

Dean let the words sink in, and slowly the tension rolled off him. "That's good..." he murmured, wrapping his arms around Castiel's waist.

Castiel smiled, running his fingers lightly over Dean's back. "Did you enjoy it?" he asked softly.

Dean nodded. "Yeah, it was great..." He kissed Castiel gently on the lips.

Castiel returned the gentle kiss, closing his eyes. "I'm so tired now..." he chuckled softly.

"Just lie back, I'll get you cleaned up..." Dean bit his lip as he pulled out of Castiel, moving off him to tie the condom close and throw it in the trashcan.

Castiel winced slightly as Dean pulled out, but he ended up falling asleep only minutes later. Dean went to the bathroom and freshened up, then got a damp cloth. He smiled softly as he saw that Castiel was asleep, and carefully cleaned him up before pulling the covers over him. He felt the strong urge to just cuddle, but forced it down. He had school work to do - work he had to do in order to make everything right. Quietly he tip-toed out of the room, and headed downstairs to get some work done, leaving Castiel to sleep.


	26. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Spoilers**
> 
> After they slept together for the first time, Castiel is sore and having trouble walking. Feeling guilty, Dean does his best to care for his boyfriend, not wanting him to hurt.
> 
>  **Trigger Warnings**  
>  Aftermath of anal sex

Castiel woke up a few hours later, sitting up without thinking and crying out as a sharp bolt of pain shot through his body.

Dean dropped the book he had been holding as he heard the cry, and practically flew up the stairs to Castiel's bedroom, almost tripping over himself as he reached the room. "Cas?!"

Castiel was trembling in bed. "I'm okay...just, holy shit this hurts..." he cursed, keeping as still as he could in the bed.

Dean felt his stomach drop at Castiel’s words. Hurting Castiel had been the last thing he wanted, and he’d tried to be careful, and yet... "Oh... Okay... Uhm. I- Do you want some painkillers? Or is there anything else you need?"

"Painkillers would be nice." Castiel offered Dean a soft smile. "Don't blame yourself. This happens, especially the first time..."

Dean frowned, not feeling any better with that explanation. He nodded before he scurried off to get Castiel a glass of water and painkillers, returning quickly with both items in his hands.

Castiel downed the painkillers, wincing slightly. "Hey...remember what you were saying about taking a bath together? That might be nice, just soaking."

Dean knitted his brows together. "I don't think it's a good idea... It might get cramped. I can prepare a bath for you, though..."

Castiel hid his disappointment and nodded. "I'm going to need help getting there, please..."

Dean leaned down to give Castiel a kiss on the forehead. "I'll come get you when the bath's ready," he murmured, giving Castiel a kiss on the lips before heading to the bathroom. Castiel returned the kiss softly, staying very still on the bed and not wanting to move.

When the bath was ready, Dean came to fetch Castiel. "Let's get you into the bath..." he murmured, pulling the covers off Castiel and carefully picking him up bridal style.

Castiel held onto Dean, schooling his face to hide the pain as Dean carried him. His hole was slightly red, and there was a very small tear, but Castiel didn’t mention it, not wanting Dean to panic and more than he already was.

Dean tried to be as careful as he could, trying to be light on his feet and move slowly. Castiel wasn't heavy, but his arms almost trembled with the effort of slowly lowering his boyfriend into the bath.

Castiel let out a soft sigh of relief at the hot water, relaxing into the bath. "Thank you," he murmured, kissing Dean's cheek. "It's...nice. To have someone care for me."

"You're welcome..." Dean murmured, sitting down on the floor by the bathtub, arms resting on the edge.

Castiel kissed his forehead softly. "This isn't your fault." he murmured softly. "I don't regret it, not one moment."

Dean moved his head away, and rested his forehead on his arms. "I'm the one who did it to you."

"Dean." Castiel brought his hand over to Dean, tilting his chin up so Dean could look at him, locking their eyes. "I. Do. Not. Regret. This. The reason I started to cry. when it was over was because I have never felt so loved, cared for, _beautiful_ in my _life_." His voice cracked softly. "You watched a lot of porn. In those videos, the males are used to being stretched open, to taking it. That's why it seemed like there was no pain. This was our first time, Dean. My body has never been used that way before, and it's sore. That's all. I'll be fine in a day or so."

Dean bit his lip and managed to look only for a moment before he had to close his eyes, feeling too exposed when Castiel was looking straight into his eyes. He didn't know what to say, so he just listened to Castiel.

Castiel kissed his forehead, leaving his lips there in a comforting gesture. "I love you, Dean." he whispered. "And I'm happy. Happier than I've been in a long time, okay?"

"Okay..." Dean replied hoarsely, keeping his eyes closed. "I love you too, Cas..." he murmured.

Castiel smiled softly, kissing Dean's face sweetly and softly as he relaxed in the tub. Dean's cheeks turned red, and soon he lowered his head to rest on his arms.

"How's work with Bobby going?" Castiel asked softly.

"It's doing good, I guess... Almost done with the car I'm currently working on..."

"That's good," Castiel smiled softly. "You should be able to get Sam back soon. You should call that woman, ask what needs to be done to finish this up. You have Bs and Cs in all of your classes now, and you aren't behind anymore."

Dean sighed softly. "Yeah…” He lifted his head and opened his eyes, just a little, and stared down at the water.

Castiel flushed slightly; Dean was staring right at his crotch. "I won't be ready to go again for a bit," he chuckled teasingly.

Dean blinked. He turned red as he realised where he was looking, and covered his eyes with his hand. "I wasn't trying to look..."

Castiel chuckled. "I actually don't really mind," he murmured, kissing Dean's temple. "My body is yours."

Dean slowly dropped his hand and looked at Castiel. "If you say so..."

Castiel offered him a soft smile, running his fingers through Dean's hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, personal life and this chapter being very short led to the lack of posting one on Wednesday. But today, we're bringing you two chapters to make up for it.
> 
> We hope you enjoy! 
> 
> ~Cinder


	27. Custody

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Spoilers**
> 
> After having worked his ass off, Dean calls Naomi in order to obtain custody of Sam. While Dean has fulfilled the requirements agreed upon, Naomi still insists that Dean end his relationship with Castiel. When Dean refuses, Naomi gives him and Sam a one month trial period. If at the end, Sam decides he doesn't like Castiel, Dean loses custody. Dean agrees to this, knowing that Sam would never do such a thing. After the phone call, Dean and Castiel celebrate their victory with a date night.
> 
>  **Trigger Warnings**  
>  Foster care, mentions of drugs and nonconsentual sexual advances

It wasn't until the next day that Dean took the time to call Naomi, pacing around Castiel's living room. He was nervous about the answer he'd get. He had worked his ass off and tried to not break under the pressure, everyone telling him to hurry up, and didn't know what to do if Naomi and her co-workers decided to reject him and keep Sam away.

He almost jumped out of his own skin as he felt the call connect. "Oh- Yeah, hi. This is Dean Winchester..."

Castiel was on the couch. He had skipped school that day, too sore to walk and not wanting to deal with possibly running into Alistair. He gave Dean a reassuring smile.

"Oh yes, Dean Winchester. How may I help you?" Naomi asked.

Dean took a deep breath. "I'm... Calling about the custody of my brother. I've done everything you've asked of me, so I'd like to get him back."

"One moment," she replied, putting him on hold as she looked up his grades and that he was employed. She got on the phone a few moments later. "It does appear you fulfill the requirements we agreed on...however, there is one more condition we feel is very prevalent to this situation."

Dean chewed on his lip. "... And what would that be?"

"We feel that it isn't beneficial for Sam if he continues being influenced by his older brother's fling. We'd like to ask you to terminate your relationship with your… Boyfriend." The last word was clearly disgusted.

Dean's face paled, then slowly turned red in anger, and he moved to the kitchen to get a bit of privacy. He didn't want Castiel to see him basically shake from the need to punch something. "What does my sexuality have to do with my ability to take care of my brother?"

"We believe it is a bad influence. Sam is very impressionable at his age; we want to make sure he grows up in a good environment. The home he is in now is fulfilling these requirements, which you seem to be lacking."

Dean gritted his teeth. "You mean the dysfunctional family you put him in? The parents who constantly fight, the girls who try to molest my brother at every given chance and who do drugs? Is that what you call a good family? Would you rather he ends up mentally scarred and addicted to drugs, than to be in a happy and loving home, just because his brother doesn't only fuck girls? Excuse my fucking language, but I'm pissed and I'm tired. I've worked my ass off to get him back, pretty much all hours of the day. Sam's friends and _girlfriend_ miss him a lot."

Naomi was quiet for a few moments. "Fine. You prove to us that you cannot influence Sam, and you can keep him. You can have him for a month, and at the end, we'll ask Sam which he prefers. If he says he doesn't like you and your… Boyfriend, then you must end it to keep custody. Are we clear?"

Dean took a moment to let the words sink in. His shoulders slumped, and he ran a hand through his hair. "Yeah... Okay. We're clear."

"I will bring Sam to you tomorrow." She hung up without so much as a goodbye.

Dean didn't really care. He pocketed his phone and went back to the living room, heading straight for Castiel and pulling him into a deep kiss.

Castiel's eyes widened in shock at the sudden kiss. He kissed Dean back for a moment before pulling back. "What was that for?" he asked, face slightly concerned as he looked at his boyfriend.

"Sam's coming home," Dean murmured, and kissed Castiel again. "I get a month to prove myself-" He pressed a kiss to Castiel's cheek. "Then they'll ask if he wants to stay-" Kissed along his jaw. "If he's okay with us-" He kissed and nipped at the pale neck. "He's coming home, Cas." He wrapped his arms tightly around Castiel.

Castiel smiled, wrapping his arms around Dean and holding him close. "You did it, Dean." he murmured, kissing at Dean's cheek. "I knew you could do it." he laughed happily, so glad that Sam would be coming home.

"They'll bring him tomorrow. God..." Dean's voice cracked as he buried his face into Castiel's neck.

Castiel smiled and held Dean close, rubbing his back. "It's okay. Just let go. I'm here," he whispered.

Dean sniffled. "I'm so glad it's over... I'm fucking exhausted..." He admitted, letting himself lean on Castiel - though not too much.

Castiel shushed him gently. "You did it, Dean." he repeated. "And I am so proud of you. You're so strong, Dean. Just relax, I'm right here. Whatever you need, I'm here."

Dean sighed softly, a few tears falling from his eyes and onto Castiel's shirt. "Yeah, okay," he murmured.

Castiel kissed wherever he could reach, pressing his lips against Dean. "I love you, Sam loves you, we all do." he tightened his grip slightly around Dean. "And you are one hell of a man."

"... I try to be," Dean murmured. He let himself surrender to Castiel's affection and words, his eyes closed.

Castiel smiled, kissing his cheek. "Let's treat ourselves tonight. Go on a real date. Dinner, maybe a movie?" he suggested.

Dean shook his head. "You shouldn't be walking around... I'd rather stay home and cuddle on the couch... But I promise to treat you to a nice dinner, soon." He kissed Castiel's neck.

Castiel nodded, rubbing Dean's back gently. "Let's at least order in, so neither of us have to cook. Chinese?"

"Sounds good... Haven't had chinese in ages..." Dean smiled. "Remember when I came to sit with you at lunch, when all of this started? You were eating chinese."

"I was, wasn't I?" Castiel chuckled. "And I wasn't sure what to do, so I offered you food as a gesture of friendship."

"It was a good move. It gave you a star sticker in my book." Dean nosed at Castiel's jaw, before kissing the spot.

Castiel smiled. "I'm glad." he murmured. "Of course, I've also learned since then that food is the key to your heart," he teased.

"Mmh. A fully belly is a very happy belly." Dean kissed Castiel's cheek, being unusually cuddly.

Castiel didn't mind at all, he loved being able to cuddle with Dean. He kissed his temple. "Why don't I call it in, and you find something on Netflix for us to watch? Tomorrow's Saturday, we don't have to worry about schoolwork tonight." Netflix was a relatively new thing to Castiel. He hadn’t been able to afford it himself, but Bobby had included him on his account that he let Sam and Dean use as well. Castiel was eternally grateful for that, since it was easy entertainment and good date night fodder for himself and Dean.

Dean nodded. "Yeah, sounds like a plan," he murmured, and gently kissed Castiel on the lips.

Castiel returned the gentle kiss with a smile, getting out his phone and ordering from a nearby Chinese place. Dean turned to the TV, turning it on and going on Netflix, and started browsing through the movies to find something interesting.

Castiel hung up a few moments later. "All right, food will be here in twenty minutes." he smiled, cuddling close to Dean.

"Awesome," Dean said with a grin, wrapping one arm around Castiel's shoulders. "So... Would you mind watching some Batman?"

"Batman is fine," Castiel replied with a smile, resting his head against Dean's chest.

Dean kissed the top of Castiel's head before he pressed play, the movie starting up. Castiel relaxed into Dean, watching the movie as they cuddled close, enjoying the warmth of Dean's arms.

About twenty minutes later, the doorbell rang. Castiel shifted off of Dean so he could get up.  
Dean paused the movie, and looked at Castiel. "You sure you don't want me to get it?"

"I thought you were getting it?" Castiel tilted his head. "I moved so you could get up."

Dean flushed in embarrassment. "Oh. Yeah. I'm on it," he mumbled and got up to answer the door and pay for the food. Castiel slowly got up, wincing at the dull ache in his backside, going to the kitchen and getting plates and silverware for them.

Dean closed the door after he'd paid, and brought the food to the living room. He frowned as he saw that Castiel wasn't sitting on the couch. "Cas? I thought I told you to take it easy," he said loudly, so that that Castiel could hear him.

"I am taking it easy!" He called back, coming back with plates. "I haven't moved from the couch all day, plus I needed to use the restroom."

The frown didn't ease up, but Dean nodded anyway. "All right..." He sat back down on the couch. He really didn't like that Castiel moved around while clearly and still strongly feeling the discomfort from what they'd done the night before.

Castiel handed Dean the plates before easing himself down onto the couch. "I'm okay." he murmured once he was seated.

Dean glanced at Castiel before putting the food on their plates. "You sure?" he asked softly.

"I'm sure," Castiel replied with a smile, starting to serve himself.

"Okay." Dean nodded and unpaused the movie.

Castiel settled against Dean as he ate, watching the movie. Once he had finished eating, he set the plate on the table and cuddled closer.

Dean wrapped his arm around Castiel after he also had finished eating. He held him close throughout the rest of the movie. Castiel ended up falling asleep during the last ten minutes or so, relaxing completely in Dean's arms. Dean turned off the movie when the credits started rolling, and looked at the other teen. He smiled softly when he saw that his boyfriend was asleep, and decided to let him sleep for a while longer. Eventually, he decided it was time to clean up. He shifted, and carefully took Castiel into his arms. Castiel shifted slightly, eyes blinking halfway open as he curled against Dean's chest.

After gathering Castiel up, Dean carefully lifted his boyfriend off the couch. "Bed time," he whispered, and headed upstairs. Castiel just grunted softly, closing his eyes again as he fell back asleep. Dean carried him to the bedroom and carefully tucked him in after removing his pants. Castiel was dead asleep as Dean tucked him in, curling up under the covers and shifting unconsciously to only take half the bed.

Dean smiled as he watched Castiel for a moment. Then he went downstairs to turn off the TV, clean up after their dinner and make sure that every door and window was locked, as well as turning off all the lights. After everything was done, he went upstairs, slipped into Castiel's bed, and fell asleep.


	28. Sam's Return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILERS**
> 
> Dean wakes up in a great mood, happy that Sam is returning home. He and Castiel head to Bobby's with Jess to await Sam's arrival. Once Sam arrives, he is ecstatic to see his family. Naomi reminds them of the one month period, but no one actually cares. Bobby feeds them dinner, and they all catch up before Sam heads home with Jess and Castiel and Dean leave as well.
> 
>  **Trigger Warnings**  
>  Mentions of weight loss, mentions of abusive foster homes

Castiel woke the next morning much later than he normally would, pleasantly surprised to find Dean still in bed with him. He curled up closer, nuzzling into Dean's chest. Dean continued to sleep, lips slightly parted and face completely relaxed. Castiel's eyes traced over the relaxed lines of Dean's face, happy to see him so at peace, a sight he had missed in the last months. He stole a quick, gentle kiss from the parted lips before cuddling close, content to lay there until Dean woke.

It took a while, but eventually Dean stirred and slowly woke up. He sighed softly as he lifted an arm to place it over his eyes, and murmured something to himself.

"Good morning," Castiel whispered, pressing a kiss to the other's chest. "Did you sleep well?"

Dean hummed softly. "I haven't slept this well in... I don't know. Months? Years?"

Castiel smiled happily. "I'm glad," he murmured, kissing his cheek. "We really should get up and get to Bobby's. Sam is coming home, remember?"

"Mmh... If it wasn't because of Sam coming home, I would be annoyed at having to get up. I'm very comfortable right now." Dean moved his arm to look at Castiel. He smiled softly.

Castiel returned the soft smile, pecking his lips chastely. "I am too," he murmured.

Dean returned the kiss. "We'll just have to cuddle more tonight."

"Sounds good to me." Castiel smiled back. "I bet you Sam and Jess will be at her house tonight anyways."

"Yeah... They're probably very frustrated." Dean grinned, and slowly sat up. While he had missed Sam incredibly, he wouldn’t deny his brother the first night back at Jess’ place. "Anyway, as you said, we should get up now."

Castiel sat up as well, smiling when he only felt a dull, manageable ache. He got out of bed without any issues, walking only a little slower than usual, but was almost completely back to normal. Dean felt his good mood fade a bit as he watched Castiel, who was still affected by their first time, but tried to ignore it as he got up and went to freshen up a bit before he got dressed. Castiel got dressed, shrugging on his trench coat before he went into the bathroom to brush his teeth. He decided to shave later; Dean enjoyed the stubble anyways.

After he was dressed, Dean ran his hands through his hair to spike it up a bit. He frowned slightly. "I need a haircut," he mumbled mostly to himself, and pocketed his phone and keys.

"Yeah, I need one too." Castiel replied. His hair was long enough that it was perpetually in some kind of sex-hair. "We should do that soon."

"Yeah... You know, I actually used to have kind of long hair. Though, that was only while mom was alive, so it was a long time ago..." Dean looked at Castiel. "... You look like a ruffled bird or something," he said, and brushed through his boyfriend's dark hair with his fingers in an attempt to make it less messy.

Castiel shivered under the feeling of Dean's fingers against his scalp; he loved it when Dean did that. "That would be a sight to see," he admitted. "Let's get to Bobby's, that way we don't miss Sam getting home. Did you let Jess know?"

"Oh, I didn't." Dean pulled out his phone, and took a moment to send a quick text to Jess, telling her that Naomi was bringing Sam back. "Alright. Let's get rolling, then," he said and pulled on a jacket.

Castiel followed Dean out the front door, locking up behind them. There was still the plastic where Zachariah had broken the window, Castiel too busy paying medical bills to afford to fix it. He followed Dean to the Impala and slid into the passenger's seat. Dean always frowned whenever he saw the plastic instead of a window. When they were buckled up, he started the Impala, then pulled out of the driveway and drove to Bobby's place.

Castiel took Dean's hand in his own, smiling at him. "I'm proud of you."

"I couldn't have done it without your help..." Dean sighed softly. If it wasn’t for Castiel, Sam wouldn’t be coming home.

"That's what I'm here for." Castiel kissed his cheek. "Besides, I don't know what I could ever do to repay you for everything you've done for me."

Dean glanced at Castiel. "... You don't need to repay me, Cas," he murmured.

Castiel kissed his cheek again, shifting up once they arrived at Bobby's house. Dean parked the Impala and stepped outside. He gave Castiel a kiss on the lips, before heading up to the front door and knocking.

Bobby opened the door, cocking an eyebrow at the couple. "What do I owe the pleasure of your presences?" he asked, letting them in.

Dean grinned as he and Castiel stepped inside. "Well, it's not really our presence that you'll enjoy. Sam's coming home."

Bobby smiled, patting Dean on the back. "Well done, boy. I take it Jess'll be here soon?"

"She wouldn't miss this, so yeah, she will." Dean smiled.

Bobby smiled. "Proud of you." He pat Dean on the back. "Your parents would be proud."

Dean tensed up a bit at the praise he wasn’t sure he believed in, then relaxed. "Thanks, Bobby..."

Not even an hour later, a car was driving up the driveway. Jess' mom had dropped her off about fifteen minutes after Dean and Castiel arrived. Sam's hair was even longer than usual, and he was thinner, but his face was ecstatic as he looked out the window, at Jess, Dean, and Castiel. Dean and Jess had matching grins as they saw the car, but Jess was the one who almost bounced on the spot, and looked so happy she could cry. The moment the car stopped, Sam was out, rushing forwards and bringing Dean and Jess into a hug simultaneously.

Dean and Jess both returned the hug, and they kept hugging for a long while. "Damn... Is it just me, or have you grown?" Dean mumbled as he pulled away, but Jess held on tight.

"Maybe?" Sam replied, wrapping both of his arms around Jess, holding her close. "It's so good to be home." he murmured, kissing the top of her head.

"I missed you so much..." Jess murmured, and buried her face in his chest.

Dean smiled softly. It was good to see his brother, and to finally see Jess happy. "It's good to have you back, Sammy..."

Naomi looked at Castiel with distaste, and he just stared right back before slipping his arm around Dean's waist, leaning into him. Her glare hardened, and she quickly got Sam's belongings out of the car. "One month," she told Dean, before driving off, leaving Sam's suitcases in the dust. Dean resisted the urge to flip Naomi the bird, and instead wrapped his arm around Castiel's shoulders.

Sam couldn't bring himself to care, kissing Jess passionately on the lips. Jess kissed back with enthusiasm, pressing as close to him as she could.

Sam smiled once the kiss broke. "It's good to be out of that hellhole..." he murmured, not letting go of Jess, but giving Dean a smile. "I'm starving, is there anything to eat?"

"I think Bobby might be cooking something, if not, I'm sure there's at least something... Why don't we grab your stuff and head inside?" Dean suggested.

Sam nodded, finally letting go of Jess, but not moving too far away as he and Castiel went to start moving the bags.

Dean watched them closely, not sure if he wanted Castiel to be carrying anything. Though he didn't utter a word as he held the door open for them as they got everything inside. Castiel was moving just fine, not even noticing the dull ache anymore.

Sam moved to embrace Dean once more. "Thanks for proving those assholes wrong," he murmured

"I couldn't have done it without Cas," Dean replied, hugging Sam tightly. "Welcome home, Sammy."

Sam let Dean go a few moments later, and his eyes met with Cas. He bit his lip, and awkwardly gave Castiel a quick hug, who returned the hug just as awkwardly. "I'm glad you've returned, Sam." Castiel told him.

Dean shook his head, slightly amused that they were still so awkward. "I think I can smell something cooking," he said, then slipped into the kitchen to check.

Castiel helped Sam get his things in. Once they were, Sam held Jess close as all three of them walked into the kitchen. Bobby was making some chili for everyone. Dean pulled Castiel close, and gave him a kiss on the cheek, and Castiel smiled at the kiss.

Dean looked at Sam. "Did she tell you that she'll be checking up on you in a month?" he asked.

Sam shook his head. "No, but I'm not surprised."

"Yeah. She wants to make sure you aren't... Influenced by my relationship with Cas." Dean rolled his eyes.

Jess frowned as she leaned against Sam. "... Seriously? Wow."

Castiel nodded. "It's ridiculous." he replied. Jess kept herself pressed close to Sam, not looking like she'd let go for a long while.

Bobby served them all chili. Sam and Jess sat on the couch, and Castiel stayed just as close to Dean. "You look much thinner," Castiel commented.

"Yeah, well, I was lucky to get enough food. There was never enough in the fridge, and Meg and Ruby seemed to live off of fast-food."

Dean huffed softly. "I can't believe that they're apparently better than us. We'll have to make sure you get back some of that weight now that you're back..."

Castiel nodded in agreement, and started to eat his chili. "This is very good," he told Bobby.

Bobby snorted. "All I did was open a can and heat em up."

"Well, it's good for being canned chili." Jess said with a small smile.

"Maybe." Bobby replied.

Sam ate gladly, unable to keep the small smile off of his face. "So how's it been without me around? Is Alistair finally giving Cas a break?"

Dean paused, and started picking at his own food. "Not really... He's the same." He sighed. "It's been weird not having you around. I'm really glad you're back."

Jess nodded. "It's been really empty... Even my parents missed you."

Sam sighed. "How've things at school been for you two?"

"Much the same." Castiel replied. "Socially, anyways. Although Jo has grown more accepting of me."

"Was about time that she did, really." Dean huffed softly.

"I don't blame her," Castiel replied. "Even though I have become more comfortable with you, you all have also become more comfortable with me. Be honest; how many of you still notice that I don't blink when I make eye contact?"

Sam blinked. "You know, I haven't really paid attention to that."

Dean looked at Castiel. "I haven't really paid attention to it either..."

Jess looked at the brothers. "... Really? Gosh, you guys..."

Dean grinned, and winked playfully. "I guess I was too busy admiring his beauty."

Castiel blushed, and Sam chuckled. "I'm really happy for you Dean. I've never seen you so happy with someone before."

Castiel's cheeks darkened, and he hid his face in Dean's shoulder.

"Mmh. If only more people agreed with that," Dean said in a bitter tone, as he reached up with one hand to pet Castiel's hair.

"My point being, I'm still just as socially awkward as I have ever been. All of you choose to look past that, to the point where none of you see it anymore." Castiel replied. "And that's rare, for me."

Dean continued to pet the short, dark locks. "Well... Good things do happen, every now and then."

Castiel smiled happily.

"So, Dean...I was thinking about spending the night with Jess, if that's all right?" Sam asked, an arm around Jess' waist."

Dean smiled. "That's fine. I’ve missed you, but I know - we all know - that the two of you need some good quality time."

"And he also wants to keep Cas to himself all night." Bobby replied. "You two are anything but quiet."

Dean turned red from his collar to the tip of his ears, and covered his face with his hands. "Well shit..."

Castiel turned just as red, and Sam laughed.

"Oh can it, you and Jess as just as bad." Bobby replied. Jess blushed, awkwardly tucking some hair behind her ears.

"Well, at least we don't have any accidental babies on the way..." Dean said.

"We don't either!" Sam shot back. "... Do we?" he looked at Jess, worried.

Jess couldn't help but laugh. "No, we don't, don't worry."

Sam let out a huge sigh of relief, and Castiel chuckled, his cheeks still very pink. "I am very grateful that I am not female." he replied.

Jess grinned. "There are a lot of perks with being a girl, though periods and unplanned pregnancies are not part of them... But still. If we do want a kid in the future, it will come in handy."

Castiel nodded. "I've always wanted to adopt, even before I realized that I was gay." he replied.

Jess blinked curiously. "Oh? How come?"

"There are so many unwanted children in the world, who just want a loving home. It would be nice to give at least one of them that chance, when there are so many who wouldn't," he replied.

"Awww... That's so sweet," Jess said. She smiled warmly at him, looking at him with respect.

Castiel gave her a soft smile. "Of course, that doesn't mean I don't believe that others should have their own biological children. That's just never really been an option for me."

Jess nodded. "That's great to hear. Usually people are usually only on one side. It doesn't matter if the child is biological or not - if you treat it as yours, then it is yours."

Castiel nodded. "Exactly." he leaned slightly into Dean, wondering if he was bothering him with talks of adopting children later on in life. Dean didn't say anything about it, keeping his thoughts to himself as he knew the others probably wouldn’t want to hear it.

Jess looked up at Sam with a smile. Sam smiled back, kissing her sweetly. "Um, do you want to call your mom?" he suggested softly.

"Oh, that would probably be a good idea... Excuse me, for a bit." Jess gave Sam a chaste kiss before getting up and slipping out of the living room to call her mother.

Castiel looked up at Dean. "We should probably get out of Bobby's hair," he suggested, cheeks flushing slightly. "Once Sam and Jess leave, of course.”

Dean nodded, wrapping an arm around Castiel. "Yeah, we probably should.”

Castiel kissed him chastely before getting up. "I need to use the restroom."

Sam looked a Dean with a knowing smile as Cas left. "So have you guys had sex yet? I really can't tell"

Dean's cheeks turned red, and he knitted his brows together. "Dude... If you're intimate, then even a handjob can be considered sex... I get what you mean though, and yeah, we have. Why?"

Sam grinned. "$20 Jess!" he called to the other room.

"... If it wasn't your first day back, then I would strangle you - both of you..." Dean muttered. 

Jess was pouting as she came back to the living room. Sam just cackled. "In my defense, if you had waited another month then Jess would have won."

Dean frowned. "I think I'll stop telling things to either of you..."

"It was just a harmless bet that doesn't hurt anyone but my wallet, though," Jess said. "Also, Mom will be here in 20 minutes or something."

Castiel walked back in, tilting his head quizzically. "Dean, why are you red?"

"The little bastards, a.k.a, Sam and Jess, made a bet on when we'd finally have 'real sex'..." Dean huffed and crossed his arms.

Castiel turned a bright red.

"Now, who topped?" Sam asked. "We have $10 going on you guys."

Castiel turned an even deeper shade of red.

"Now why would we tell you that?" Dean raised a brow.

"Cmon, I bet Cas topped, didn't he?"

Castiel was hiding his face against Dean again.

Dean sighed and hugged Castiel. "So you imagine your own brother taking it up the bum?"

Jess giggled softly. "Up the bum... I bet you topped, Dean."

Dean looked down at that, cheeks turning red. Jess grinned.

"Castiel does have a slight limp… Please tell me he didn't top Cas, then I would lose!" Sam

Castiel said nothing, but his cheeks were red.

"... Sorry, bro, but you lost that one." Dean sighed heavily.

"Yes, I won!" Jess smiled widely.

Sam groaned, and Castiel did as well, trying to make himself small against Dean, embarrassed. Dean patted Castiel gently on the back.

Jess smiled. "There's nothing wrong with bottoming! It doesn't make anyone less manly."

"It's not my manliness I care about," Came Castiel's muffled reply.

Jess blinked. "... Then what's the matter?"

"I prefer to be a little more private about my sexual life." he replied.

Jess went quiet, and simply nodded in understanding. Castiel calmed down in Dean's arms after a few minutes, finally able to turn and look the other couple in the face again. "I just ask that you make no further bets on our sex life, please." he requested quietly.

Sam nodded. "Sorry Cas, we didn't mean to make you so uncomfortable. Dean I know can suck it up, but we didn't mean to embarrass you."

"We promise to not make any more bets on your sex life," Jess said.

Dean chewed on his lip. "... You two should probably get ready to leave. Your mom should be here soon, Jess."

Sam nodded, rooting through his suitcases for a bag of basic thing he would need.

Dean looked at Castiel, a bit worried about him. Castiel looked back up at Dean, his cheeks still flushed, and clearly nervous.

Dean slowly rubbed a hand over Castiel's back. "It's okay, hon..."

Castiel relaxed slowly under Dean's gentle touches and the affectionate name. "I'm sorry, that was just very embarrassing."

"It's fine, Cas," Dean murmured, continuing to comfort Castiel.

Castiel let out a breath. "I love you," he murmured, pecking Dean's lips gently.

Dean smiled slightly, and reached up to touch Castiel's cheek. "I love you too, Cas..."

Castiel leaned into the touch, as always loving the affection the other gave him. His lips curled into a soft smile.

Sam went back into the room. "I'm outta here, I'll see you at the house tomorrow then?"

"Mmh? Oh- Yeah, right. See you at the house. And no love without gloves, you hear?" Dean looked at his brother.

"Yes Dean," Sam rolled his eyes. "And same goes for you!"

"Of course, bitch. Now go before Jess comes back to drag your ass outside." Dean grinned.  
Sam chuckled and left Bobby's house.


	29. Upsetting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILERS**
> 
> Dean admits to Castiel that he doesn't want to have penetrative sex again, thanks to Castiel's lingering pain from their first time. The two have issues communicating clearly, leading to an upset Castiel and an upset Dean. When Castiel's efforts to comfort Dean don't work, he gets frustrated and goes for a walk, only to be found by Uriel and Alistair.
> 
>  **TRIGGER WARNINGS**  
>  Panic attacks, self-loathing, spiraling trains of thought, symptoms of depression, bullying and violence

Castiel opened his eyes to look at Dean's. "Hey Dean?" he asked softly.

Dean blinked and looked at Castiel. "Yeah? What is it?"

"Do you regret us having sex?" he asked softly. "I know you hated seeing me in pain like that..."

Dean sighed. "Honestly? I think part of me does, because of the pain I caused but... What's done is done." He shrugged.

Castiel continued looking at him. "...it's not something you want to do again, is it?" he asked softly, clearly resigning himself to it.

Dean bit his lip looked down in shame . "Not in the near future, no... I just... I just can't. You hurt so bad, it's.... Some time I might, but not now."

Castiel nodded, biting his lip as he schooled his face into he mask he practiced, not wanting Dean to know how much it was hurting.

Dean held Castiel close, still looking down. "... We should probably go back."

Castiel nodded again, quiet as he got off of Dean's lap and got ready to leave, thanking Bobby for the chili and the company.

Dean bid his good bye and also thanked Bobby for the food, before heading out to the car with Castiel.

Castiel slid into the passenger's seat, still much more quiet than usual as he buckled up. When they started driving, he didn't move as close to Dean as he normally did.

Dean glanced over at Castiel with a worried look, but left him be for a while. Though eventually he couldn't bear it anymore. "... You're upset with me."

Castiel swallowed softly. "I...I'm not used to wanting things." he replied quietly.

Dean frowned, and sighed softly. "I'm sorry, Cas..."

"It's all right." Castiel replied softly. "I've just...I've spent my entire life deprived of a lot of things. Wanting something for myself was never in the equation, so this is a very new feeling. I'll be fine."

"... That just makes it worse," Dean said, and swallowed thickly, no longer knowing what to do.

Castiel shook his head. "Don't feel bad, please." he murmured. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything. I've only made you feel worse." he looked guilty. "I don't want you to do something you don't want on my account. I was simply explaining why I feel the way I do."

Dean took a deep breath and nodded slowly. "Okay... If you say so," he mumbled, his eyes focused on the road and his knuckles turning white as he gripped the wheel tightly.

Castiel looked away. "And now I've made you upset with me." he replied quietly.

Dean shook his head. "I'm upset with myself, not you..."

Castiel wasn't expecting that. "There's no reason for you to be upset with yourself. You've done nothing wrong."

Dean smiled awkwardly. "I don't really have a healthy way of thinking in some situations. And don't tell Sam that I just admitted that."

"I won't," Castiel promised. "Dean, I want you to be comfortable with me. If you don't want something, just say so, and we won't." he murmured. He would always, always put Dean first, regardless of his own feelings.

Dean shrugged slightly. "If it doesn't hurt you, I'd probably bite my tongue and go through with it anyway."

Castiel shook his head. "If you don't want something, tell me." he murmured. "If you don't want to have sex again, then..." he swallowed. "Fine. We won't." he looked away then, still struggling with the feeling of wanting it, but knowing that it wouldn't end very well.

"We can have plenty of fun without you having to get hurt, Cas... Just because I don't want to have penetrative sex at the moment, doesn't mean I don't want the rest of it..."

Castiel nodded slowly. It was the penetrative sex he wanted, but he didn't say so. He had never felt so loved and perfect as he did when he had Dean inside of him, being stretched open and being so deeply intimate. He didn't say anything though, and just sat there quietly as the pulled up to his house.

Dean parked the car and got out. He stretched a bit, then sighed quietly to himself. He knew that this wasn't the end of it, and that Castiel probably wasn't telling him everything, but he didn't feel like pushing it. Hopefully it'd settle by itself, and they wouldn't have to talk about it again.

Castiel let them into his house, and shifted slightly. "I'm going to take a nap," he murmured. "Wake me if you need anything."

Dean looked at his boyfriend, and nodded slowly. "Alright... I'll just... Hang around here, downstairs."

Castiel nodded, kissing his cheek softly before heading upstairs. He felt horribly, horribly guilty for wanting something that Dean obviously didn't want. Castiel's thoughts started to spiral out of control as he lay in bed. Dean didn't enjoy himself. Dean doesn't want it to be you. Dean doesn't want you. It ended with him pressed into a corner, hyperventilating as he went into a full scale panic attack. His medication was downstairs with Dean, and he curled up in a ball, shaking hard.

Oblivious to what was going on, Dean made himself comfortable on the couch and turned on the TV, wanting to watch something so that he didn't have to think about anything.

Castiel was frozen in place, spending over an hour and a half in the corner just freaking out until he finally fell asleep, still curled tightly into a ball in the corner, tears staining his cheeks and clothing.

It took another hour before Dean rose from the couch, and he quietly went upstairs to check on Castiel. He hadn't heard anything for almost three hours, and felt that he needed to check. It took a lot of him to not make any noise when he saw the state his boyfriend was in. It broke his heart, and he wasn't sure what to do. Carefully he tried to move Castiel over to the bed, hoping that he wouldn't wake him up.

Castiel blinked awake once he was set down on the bed, his eyes swollen. He looked up at Dean, and everything just came rushing back. "I'm so sorry..." he whispered, his normally deep voice raw and raspy. "It would be so much easier for you if you left...I wouldn't blame you. I'm a mess, and high maintenance." his voice was cracking.

"Shut up... J-just shut up... I don't want to hear it," Dean said, his voice strained as he tried to keep it even while he moved to lay down beside Castiel. He wrapped his arms around his boyfriend and pulled him close, holding on tightly.

Castiel returned the embrace, feeling even more guilty as he heard the crack in Dean's voice. He buried his face into the other's chest, inhaling the leather and honey and whiskey scent that was Dean. He didn't say anything, but just held his boyfriend tight, shaking and yet taking comfort from the embrace.

Dean didn't say anything else, and just held Castiel in his arms, trying to keep himself in control for his boyfriend's sake. He pressed slow kisses to the top of Castiel's head.

"I love you," Castiel whispered a while later. "I love you so much, Dean, I...I can't even tell you. And I hate hurting you, hate making you hurt from seeing me hurting..."

"It's fine... I signed up for this. You told me it'd be hard. I'm still here. But don't you ever tell me it's better if I leave... Just don't," Dean replied quietly.

Castiel nodded softly into Dean's chest. "I'm sorry." he whispered, letting out a shaking breath. "I'm sorry..."

"It's fine, Cas... It's fine," Dean murmured, rubbing a hand over Castiel's back in a comforting manner.

Castiel focused on his breathing, and he ended up falling back asleep, growing limp in Dean's arms, finally relaxing.

Dean continued to rub his hand over Castiel's back, though in a much slower pace, even after Castiel had clearly gone back to sleep. He didn't move for a long while, though eventually he carefully pulled away to go downstairs, knowing that he'd probably start fidgeting from restlessness if he'd stayed in bed any longer.

Castiel woke a few hours later, shivering slightly as he realized he was in bed alone. He sighed, and got up, padding downstairs. "Dean?" he called out, voice soft. He needed to apologize, for everything he'd put Dean through today despite the fact that it was supposed to be a happy day.

"I'm in the kitchen," Dean replied from where he was leaning against the kitchen counter, playing some game on his phone and waiting for the casserole he put in the oven to finish baking. He wasn't really hungry, but he felt that he needed something to do, and if they decided not to eat then the food could always be put away and eaten the day after.

Castiel walked into the kitchen. "Smells good." he murmured, sitting down next to Dean. "Dean, I just wanted to apologize. Today was supposed to be a good day, but I messed it up. And I'm sorry." he murmured.

"It's tuna casserole." Dean shrugged slightly as he put away his phone. "It doesn't matter. What matters is that Sam's finally home and he's happy."

Castiel looked at Dean. "It does matter." he replied softly. He sighed then. "After we eat...come to bed with me? I seem to recall you promising this morning that we needed to make up for lost cuddling."

Dean chewed on his lip. "I guess... I'm oddly restless though, so I don't know if I'm very good at cuddling, at the moment.."

Castiel nodded. "Okay." he replied. "That's fine. Is there anything I can do to help?"

"I honestly don't know..." Dean sighed and ran his hands through his hair. "I want to chill out and relax, but I can't for some reason."

Castiel stood then, and moved behind Dean, placing his hands on the other's shoulders and rubbing gently. "God, Dean...your muscles feel like stone." he murmured. "Once dinner is done, I'm giving you a proper massage."

Dean let out another sighed, and rubbed his hands over his face before letting them fall to his sides. "Okay, if you say so... Dinner should be done in... Five minutes. We should set the table."

"What do you want?" Castiel's hands fell to his sides. "I don't know what I can do to make this better." he sounded so frustrated. "I'm trying, but I just don't know what to do, what you want of me."

Dean looked at Castiel, looking slightly taken back. "Cas... I just want you. With me... What did I do...?"

"I keep offering to do different things, and I don't know what you want. I just want to make you feel better, to see you smile."

Dean resisted the urge to sigh, and moved to wrap his arms around Castiel. "I'm sorry, Cas... You're doing great, you are, I promise."

Castiel moved away. "No, I'm not." he bit his lip. "I'm going for a walk." he murmured, walking past Dean towards the door. He needed some time alone, to think.

"But- Cas..." Dean's shoulders slumped as he watched Castiel leave. He wanted to stop the other, tell him to stay, but knowing that it wouldn't be right of him to ask that of Castiel. Not at the moment.

Castiel just started walking, lost in his thoughts. He walked for a few hours, not noticing where he was until he nearly got run over by a car. He sat on the curb and buried his face in his hands, not noticing the group of boys coming up behind him.

"Did Winchester finally drop your ass?" Uriel growled, picking Castiel up and shoving him into a nearby wall. Castiel's eyes were blank as he looked at Alistair and another boy he didn't know alongside the teen pinning him to the wall. In that moment, he couldn't care less what happened to him.


	30. Three Times The Harm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILERS**
> 
> Castiel is threatened by Alistair before Uriel stabs him three times, leaving him to bleed in an alleyway. Luckily a passerby calls 911 and gets Castiel to a hospital in time. Dean gets a call and goes to the hospital. Once Castiel is out of surgery and recovering, Dean calls Bobby and they discuss taking Alistair to court. Castiel wakes up, and he and Dean reconcile after their fight earlier.
> 
>  **MASSIVE TRIGGER WARNINGS**  
>  Bullying, use of slurs, physical violence (graphic), mentions of wanting to rape someone, descriptions of blood/bleeding, hospitals, needles, deep wounds, low self esteem
> 
> THIS IS A TRIGGER HEAVY CHAPTER. IF ANY OF THIS TRIGGERS YOU, PLEASE READ THE SUMMARY INSTEAD

Alistair smiled to the new boy, before turning to Castiel. "You didn't think that dear Uriel would be gone from your life forever, now did you, Cas?" He mockingly used the nickname that Dean had given Castiel. "So what are you doing out here, little fag? Did Dean finally dump you, like he should've a long time ago?"

Castiel quirked a smile. "Bite me," he replied. He knew he shouldn't be encouraging them, but he honestly didn't give a shit. He didn't let out a single shout of pain when Uriel punched him in the face.

"Tsk. So cocky. Then again, I guess you are what you eat," Alistair chuckled, as if his joke had been funny. "It's for the better, really. Give others a chance to be with him. People who deserve him..."

"You don't." Castiel replied. "He deserves better than me, which means he would never look at you." Castiel didn't cry out as Uriel laid into him again.

Alistair smirked. "Well, you see... There's a reason high school can be a nightmare. Give some people a good deal and they do you a lot of favors. Either way, I think that consent is just... Overrated. Don't you think?"

Castiel's eyes hardened and he finally started to struggle. "Don't you DARE touch him!" he snarled.

Uriel smirked. "Do you know how I've dreamed of killing you?" he whispered. "Won't be able to protect your Winchester if you're dead." he flicked out a pocketknife, and Castiel felt a glimmer of fear.

Alistair laughed. "You wouldn't be able to stop me. You're just a filthy whore."

"A lot of people would be interested to help, if they're promised a slice of the cake and that everything is swept under the rug and no one gets caught." the new boy added.

"Exactly. So even if Uriel doesn't manage to get rid of you... Well. I have my ways to get what I want," Alistair said.

Castiel struggled, but his movements stopped when he felt Uriel's blade plunge into his side. He let out a choked gasp, and in that moment, he wished he hadn't been so upset with Dean the last time he had seen him.

"I bet Winchester's at this little fag's house." Uriel told the other two. "And there's no window, thanks to Zachariah." he withdrew his knife and plunged it into Castiel again.

Alistair smiled widely. "Well that's just splendid. I guess we'll just have to pay dear little Dean a visit then. Give him a bit of payback for my jaw and getting poor Uriel kicked out of school. Uriel didn't deserve that.” He looked down at Castiel’s midsection, where blood was seeping out of the wounds and soaking into the clothes. Oh, what a beautiful sight... I must say, red suits you very well, Cas. Wish you’d wear it more often."

"Fuck you," Castiel bit out.

Uriel let him go after he stabbed him once more, Castiel dropping to the ground. "Alistair, people." he replied, pulling the other two away.

The last thing Castiel remembered before he blacked out was Dean's face, and hearing a woman yell "Call 911!"

A few hours later, Dean's phone went off at 2 in the morning from an unknown number. Dean's hands were shaking as he picked up the phone, not having been able to go to sleep since Castiel never came back home. "Hello?"

"Is this Dean Winchester?" a female voice asked.

"That's me. Who's calling?"

"This is Jackie from Lawrence Medical Hospital, I'm calling since you are listed as Castiel Novak's emergency contact." 

Dean stopped breathing for a moment. "... Yes. I-I am. What happened...?"

"He was found in an alleyway downtown, with three deep stab wounds. Is it possible for you to come in? The doctor can explain his condition better than I can."

"Oh... Yes, yes of course... I'll be there as soon as I can. Thank you for calling..."

"Of course. I am sorry." she replied before hanging up.

Dean had to take a while to just breathe and collect himself before pushing everything down, pulling on a hoodie before putting his jacket on since it was chilly outside. He locked the front door with a spare key, then got into the Impala and drove to the hospital as fast as he could.

After he had found a place to park, he rushed into the hospital and up to the reception.

Jackie gave him a soft smile when he entered. "Are you Dean Winchester?"

Dean nodded quickly, controlling his breathing. "Yeah that's.. That's me."

"Third floor. He's still in surgery though." Jackie nodded towards the nearby elevator.

Dean bit his lip and nodded again. "Okay... Thank you," he mumbled, and headed to the elevator to get to the third floor.

A doctor came out to the waiting room a few hours later. "Is there someone here for Castiel Novak?" he asked.

"That would be me," Dean spoke up, and got up from his seat.

The doctor nodded, beckoning Dean over. "He's stabilized. Three nasty stab wounds, but nothing was taken from him, as far as we see. We went in and repaired what damage we could, and he's been given a few transfusions from all the blood he lost. He's sleeping now."

Dean nodded slowly as he listened to the doctor. "... He... He'll make a full recovery, right...?"

"We think so, as long as he takes it easy. He's lucky he was found when he was, the wounds could have quickly turned fatal. Would you like to see him?"

"Y-yeah... If it's not too much trouble..."

The doctor smiled and nodded. "Right this way." he lead Dean to Castiel's room. Castiel was asleep, another transfusion going. His face was extremely pale, and there was a fair assortment of wires and tubes hooked up to him.

Dean chewed on his lip as he went over to the bed, though made sure to keep a distance as he didn't want to mess something up. It hurt to see Castiel like that. Part of him wanted to run and not look back, but he couldn't do that to Castiel. He should've stopped his boyfriend from going out on that walk.

"You can hold his hand if you'd like," the doctor said before he left them alone.

Castiel slept for another few hours before he blinked open groggy eyes. "Dean..." he groaned. "Dean...!"

Dean had moved a chair over to the bed, and he slowly rose from it when Castiel woke up. He softly hushed his boyfriend, and gently patted his hand. "Ssh... Cas, hon... It's me... Stay calm..."

Castiel started to cry in relief. "Alistair...he didn't hurt you?" he asked weakly, grasping for Dean's hand.

"Ssh, ssh... Cas, you gotta calm down... You're hurt," Dean murmured, gently taking Castiel's hand. "I'm okay, no one hurt me..."

 

“I love you," Castiel replied immediately, thanking God that he had been given the chance to say it again. "Alistair and Uriel...they said they were going to my house to rape you..." he whimpered.

 

Dean felt cold as he heard those words, but he pushed the feeling down. It was time he thought of and focused on Castiel, and not himself. "I love you too, Cas... Don't you worry about me, I'm okay. I'm safe and sound."

Castiel nodded slowly. "I'm sorry for walking out, I'm sorry for getting mad." he apologized. "I thought I was going to die, and I couldn't stop regretting about how I hadn't kissed you or told you that I loved you before I left." He needed to say it, needed to apologize to Dean. He had almost lost the chance to do so.

"It's okay to be mad, Cas... It is." Dean sniffled softly. If only he had been better, if only he had tried harder to be happy and feel good, or at least pretend. "Just... Don't worry about it. Just focus on getting better now... "

Castiel nodded, squeezing Dean's hand tightly. "It was Uriel." he murmured. "He stabbed me,"

"I'll ask if the police was called or not... Else I'll call." Dean gently caressed Castiel's knuckles with his thumb.

Castiel nodded softly, relaxing slowly. "How bad?" he asked softly.

"Three deep wounds, they patched you up as much as they could. You'll be fine if you just take it easy and take your time to heal..."

Castiel nodded. "Can I kiss you?" he requested softly, starting to drift back to sleep thanks to the painkillers.

Dean nodded, and carefully leaned over to give Castiel a soft kiss on the lips.

Castiel returned the soft kiss, smiling slightly as he fell back asleep. His breathing was a little rough, since one of the stab wounds had been dangerously close to his lungs.

Dean slumped back into the chair after he was sure that Castiel was asleep. He watched his boyfriend sleep, before slipping out of the room to text Bobby about what had happened, and get some coffee.

"I really can't leave you two alone, can I?" Bobby replied. "I'll be there soon. Don't tell Sam, he deserves one night of peace."

"Wasn't planning on it. See you soon." Dean sighed as he got his coffee and went back to Castiel's room to wait for Bobby. Everyone deserved a night of peace, but of course that wasn’t possible when all he did was fuck up. He felt bad for involving Bobby, but knew the man would be mad if he didn’t.

Bobby showed up a few hours later, at seven in the morning. Castiel had blinked awake again, and was replying to a police officer’s questions about what had happened, his hand in Dean's.

Dean waved a little at Bobby to greet him, but didn't say anything until the police officer wrapped up and left. "Mornin', Bobby."

"Mornin," Bobby greeted, looking at Castiel. "How're you feeling?"

"Drowsy. They have good morphine here." Castiel replied softly, rubbing his thumb gently on the back of Dean's hand.

"Drugs. Always there to brighten the day." Dean chuckled humorlessly. Bobby pulled up a chair next to Dean, and Castiel fell asleep not much longer later.

"You boys need to do something soon, before one of you ends up dead." Bobby murmured once Castiel was asleep.

"Like what? Run away and never look back?" Dean sighed heavily, and watched Castiel sleep. "I can't do that to Sammy..."

"You need to go to court." Bobby replied. "Get them locked up for good."

"... You're right. I just hope it'll go our way... Without some nasty surprise."

"All the shit they've done to you two? They don't stand a chance." Bobby replied.

"I'm not gonna get my hopes up." Dean shrugged slightly. "I'll fight but.. Yeah, not getting my hopes too high."

Bobby just rolled his eyes. "Idjit." he replied, sitting with Dean. "You should sleep, son. You look like you're about to pass out, and Cas isn't going anywhere."

Dean sighed and rubbed his hands over his face. "I guess you're right..." He pulled the hood over his head and folded his arms on the edge of the bed. He rested his head on his arms, and soon fell asleep, just too exhausted to stay awake.

Bobby watched over the two boys for a while before stepping outside to make a few phone calls. Sam needed to know, and Bobby was sick of seeing two of his boys almost constantly in the hospital because of three thugs.

Dean woke up with a start a few hours later, sitting up straight and breathing shakily as he rubbed his eyes with the heel of his palms.

Castiel was awake, and he looked at Dean. "Nightmare? He asked softly.

"Yeah... Fuck," Dean mumbled. He looked at Castiel. "How long have you been awake...?"

Castiel reached and took Dean's hand in his own. "Maybe fifteen minutes? I didn't want to wake you."

Dean gently ran his thumb over the back of Castiel's hand. "Okay... Anyone been in here while you were awake and I wasn't?"

"A nurse, and that was it. I don't know where Bobby went off to." he sighed softly, squeezing Dean's hand gently. "Can you hit the morphine button for me?"

Dean nodded slowly, and turned to press the button. "I guess it hurts like a bitch," he mumbled as he let his free hand rest in his lap. "I bet Bobby's calling around and trying to pull some strings."

"It does. Not sure what he damaged, but it hurts pretty badly." Castiel murmured. "Why is Bobby trying to pull strings?"

"Okay. Don't panic," Dean started, then took a deep breath. "... Bobby wants us to go to court."

Castiel nodded. "I agree with him." he murmured. "I just...I can't live the rest of my life with Alistair and Uriel stalking me. Uriel said if this didn't succeed, he'd just try again."

Dean frowned. "... We need to find a safe place for you to stay after you get out of hospital."

Castiel nodded. "I'll stay at Bobby's. I don't put it past him to shoot trespassers"

The corner of Dean’s lips quirked up in a faint smile. "You're basically his boy too, so yeah. I wouldn't be surprised if he did shoot someone."

Castiel flushed. "It's nice. To have a father figure." he murmured, his eyes drooping as the morphine began to take effect.

"Yeah, it is. A real one, that is..." Dean watched over Castiel while holding his hand. Castiel smiled softly before he went back to sleep.

Bobby came in a few hours later. "Got you boys a lawyer for dirt cheap." he told Dean, sitting back down.

"What? Really? Wow, thanks Bobby," Dean said, looking very surprised.

"Don't mention it." Bobby replied. "How's he doing?"

"As good as his state allows. No panicking, just keeping calm and sleeping."

Bobby nodded. "And how about you? How are you doing?"

"Well... I feel fine when I'm not thinking about it." Dean sighed.

"Thinking about what?" Bobby gave him a don't-lie-to-me-boy look.

"Uriel's going to try get his hands on Cas again, and finish him off... And apparently, they threatened to... To break into Cas' house and..." Dean swallowed thickly. "... Assault me."

Bobby nodded. "Fuck this. I'm pulling you both out of school until this is over with. I don't care if technically I'm neither of your guardian, I'm not giving those bastards the chance."

"What? Bobby- I can't! What if they take Sam away again? I'm not going to risk having Sam taken away and put in another hell hole."

"Balls." Bobby cursed. "Well, Castiel at least. You can defend yourself better than he can. That’s the only consolation I can give John. "

Dean looked at Bobby quietly, then pulled his arms tight around himself and nodded slowly before looking down, staring at the bed.

Bobby was quiet for a few moments. "Once he's better, teach him to defend himself right. You hear me?"

Dean chewed on his lip, and nodded again. He wasn’t sure if he would succeed, but he would try. "Yeah... I will. I promise."

Bobby nodded.


	31. Bobby's House

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILERS**
> 
> After a week in the hospital, Castiel is moved to Bobby's house. Dean is relieved to have Castiel home and safe, despite the fact that he's receiving more and more harassing messages from their classmates. Sam finds some law books that Bobby had purchased and becomes engrossed in them. After dinner, Dean takes Castiel to bed, where things get a little heated.
> 
>  **TRIGGER WARNINGS**  
>  Harassment, bullying, mention of a fear of rape (not graphic), mentions of stitches, mentions of self harm scars

Castiel was in the hospital for a full week before he was released. He spend most of his time sleeping, and had only one complication when an interior stitch melted before it was supposed to, causing some internal bleeding, but overall he was mending. Sam had spent most of the time at the hospital with Dean once he had found out what had happened to Castiel.

Dean had Sam help him to get anything necessary from Castiel's house and move it to Bobby's before they got Castiel out of the hospital and helped him get settled in the room that he and Dean shared whenever they had spent the night. Dean didn't sleep well, and was jumpy when he wasn't around his boyfriend, though he became lot more relaxed when they got Castiel out of the hospital and to Bobby's place.

Castiel gave the Winchester boys a soft smile. "I owe you both everything." he murmured, still drowsy. He was still on painkillers, although not nearly as strong as the ones he had been on while he had been hospitalized. He shifted slightly in the bed, offering Dean some space.

Sam shook his head. "You don't owe us anything, Cas. Seriously."

Dean sat down on the bed beside Castiel, and gently brushed some dark locks of hair from his boyfriend's forehead. "Just focus on getting better. That's all we want."

Castiel smiled at Dean, reaching up to grab his hand and press a gentle kiss to the palm.

Sam shifted. "I'm going to go downstairs, call if you need me."

Dean smiled softly, then looked at his brother and nodded. "Alright, Sammy. I'll join you later when Mr. Drowsy here decides to sleep."

Sam nodded, giving the couple a smile before he left the room. Castiel shifted slightly. He wasn't really fond of sleeping on his back, but he had to because of where he had been stabbed. He slowly and lazily trailed kisses down his palm and fingers.

Dean quietly watched Castiel. "... I don't like having to leave you alone," he murmured. He had to go to school for the sake of still having custody over Sam while Castiel had to be kept out of it for his own safety, and he really didn't like it. Even if they didn't see each other much during the school days, it would still feel weird to know that his boyfriend wasn't there at all.

Castiel nodded. "I don't like being away from you either." he murmured. "I'm always so scared that I'll get a phone call that you were raped." he shuddered at the thought.

"It's going to be okay, Cas. I'm strong now that my ribs are fine, and working with cars most days has made me stronger, too." Dean smiled. "I can pack a punch."

Castiel returned the smile. "Lay down with me until I fall asleep?" he requested softly. Dean nodded, and carefully settled down on his side beside Castiel.

Castiel leaned into Dean's warmth, closing his eyes. "I love you." he murmured. "So much."

"I love you too, Cas," Dean replied quietly, and gave Castiel a soft kiss on the cheek. Castiel rest his head against Dean's chest, and fell asleep not much longer later.

Dean lingered for a while to make sure that Castiel really was asleep, before quietly making his way downstairs to join his brother. He blinked as he saw his brother. Sam was downstairs in the living room, poking through some law books that Bobby had gotten to go through for Dean and Castiel's case, clearly interested. "Yo. Found anything interesting?" Dean asked.

"Yeah." Sam replied, clearly engrossed. "I didn't know that law was so interesting..."

Dean scrunched his nose. "Don't know if I can agree, but good for you."

"Seriously, there's all KINDS of loopholes from every side, if you know how to argue..."

"He hasn't been able to stop reading those since I bought em." Bobby commented. "You may have a future lawyer on your hands."

"As if I don't have enough sharks circling around my tiny boat full of holes," Dean said with a groan, but couldn't help but look at his brother with a fond smile, happy that he'd found something that caught his interest like this.

"Hey, you have a talent with the classics, boy. You really do." Bobby said affectionately. "You could swim circles around the other two with it."

"I guess..." Dean smiled slightly at Bobby although he wasn’t sure if he believed his words, then turned back to watching his brother.

Sam was engrossed in the law books. Bobby turned on the tv to Escolando!, immediately engrossed in the bad Spanish soap opera. Dean made himself comfortable on the couch, deciding to watch the soap opera with Bobby.

Castiel woke up a few hours later, and he slowly made his way downstairs to join the rest of them. His sides were aching, but he could at least walk now.

Dean was immediately on his feet as soon as he heard that Castiel was up and walking. "Hey- You need any help?" he asked.

"I've got it" Castiel replied, making his way into the living room and sitting down on the couch. "I got bored." he told them, settling against the couch and getting comfortable.

"Ah. Well, uh, since I'm on my feet. Does anyone want anything from the kitchen?" Dean asked.

"A beer," Bobby requested. Castiel shook his head, and Sam was too engrossed in the books to pay attention. Dean nodded and went to fetch a beer, handing it over to Bobby before making himself comfortable on the floor, resting his head against Castiel's legs. Castiel smiled and ran his fingers through Dean's hair, petting it absentmindedly as they watched the horrible telenovellas.

Dean dozed off for a while, completely relaxed under Castiel's touch. He woke up when his phone vibrated, and grumbled softly as he took a look at the text. Castiel continued petting Dean, although he stopped when Dean jolted under his hand. Dean was quiet as he read the text, phone buzzing as he got another one. He read that too, then put his phone away.

"Everything okay?" Castiel asked softly.

"... Yeah, everything's fine. Just some idiot. Probably got the wrong number," Dean mumbled. Castiel didn't quite believe him, but let it slide as he leaned back into the couch.

Bobby shifted. "Well, I'm going to hit the sack. You boys don't stay up too late, you hear?"

"Yes, sir." Castiel replied, and Sam nodded, still in the law books.

"All right, Bobby. See you tomorrow." Dean smiled up at the older man. Bobby nodded and went upstairs.

Castiel yawned not much longer later. "Did you guys have dinner?" he asked, looking down at Dean.

"Not really... Kinda forgot about it, and Sam's buried himself in those law books... Probably should get something."

Castiel nodded. "I froze some stew over here a few weeks ago, if Bobby didn't eat it all then we can have that."

"Mmh... I'll go take a look." Dean got up to his feet and stretched his legs slightly, then went to check the freezer.

Castiel shifted slightly, wincing as his side throbbed. He would need some painkillers soon, but he would take them after he ate. Sam finally closed the book he was reading and stretched. Dean hummed to himself as he found the stew Castiel had mentioned, and went into the kitchen to reheat it and boil some pasta.

Castiel and Sam were in a deep discussion about the nuances of a child labour case when Dean came back into the living room.

Dean stood there and just stared at them for a moment. "... Should I leave you geeky people alone to do your thing, or do you want food?"

"Food sounds great!" Sam chuckled, patting Dean's back as he walked into the kitchen.

Castiel smiled at Dean as he slowly got up, wincing slightly.

Dean smiled at Sam, but frowned at Castiel. "You can sit in here and eat. I can bring the food to you."

Castiel shook his head, getting up and slowly walking over. "I'd prefer to be in your and Sam's company."

"Cas, we can come to the living room." Sam called from the kitchen.

Dean was clearly worried. "You should be taking it easy, Cas... And Sam's right. We can eat in the living room..."

"I am taking it easy." Castiel replied. "I haven't really walked in a week, I've gotten restless." he replied, although he did relent and went back to the couch.

"Sorry Cas, I just..." Dean chewed on his lip. "We'll find something for you to do. I promise," he said before slipping into the kitchen to get food.

Castiel nodded, and Sam came back in with his own food. He had spooned the pasta Dean had boiled into the stew, and he sat down in Bobby's chair so Dean could sit next to Castiel on the couch.Dean came back with two plates of food, handing one plate over to Castiel before sitting down beside him.

Castiel took the plate and smiled. "Thank you," he murmured, praying as always before he ate.

Sam had waited until Castiel had finished praying to eat as well; he hadn't even noticed that he did that anymore, it was so much a part of his routine now. Dean watched Castiel quietly, and waited for him to take the first bite, before starting to eat. He got through a couple of bites before his phone buzzed again. Sighing, he took his phone out and muted it completely before putting it on the table.

Castiel glanced at Dean out of the corner of his eye. "That's not just a wrong number." he commented quietly. Sam was back in the law books, and not paying attention.

Dean quickly glanced over at Sam. "It's not," he confirmed, before taking another bite of food.

Castiel was quiet for a few moments. "What's going on?" he asked when Dean didn't elaborate.

Dean shrugged slightly. "Just some idiots thinking it's fun to send me anonymous texts."

"What are they saying?" Castiel asked.

"Just dumb stuff," Dean replied.

"Dean." Castiel gave him a look that would do Sam bitchfaces proud.

Dean looked at him, then sighed and rolled his eyes. "Fine... Girls are trying to hook up and 'make a real man out of me', dudes asking if I wanna choke on their cocks like their girls do. Or asking if I finally dumped you. Or if you're dead. That maybe I should just kill you, then kill myself."

Castiel swallowed and nodded. His own phone received texts like that regularly, even before he had met Dean. He had grown to just delete the messages before he opened them, but he felt a pang of guilt that now Dean was experiencing the same thing.

Dean continued to look at Castiel. "... It's okay Cas. The only thing that bothers me is that they send the texts so often. Can't get a moment of rest."

"You should change your number." he replied quietly, poking at his food, not exactly hungry anymore.

Dean shrugged. "I was thinking of getting a new phone with a new number but... They'd find the new number anyway."

"Not if you only give it to a few people, like Sam, Jess, Bobby, Jo, and I." he pointed out. "None of us would give it out."

"You forget that Zachariah somehow found your address," Dean pointed out. "The phrase 'there's always a way' doesn't only apply to good things."

Castiel shuddered at the reminder. "True..." he sighed, leaning back into the couch. "I just...I wish this wasn't happening to you. I can deal with it happening to me, I'm used to it, but you..."

"It's fine, Cas... They don't bother me, really. I have better things to worry about than some stupid text messages."

"My situation started with those." Castiel replied quietly. "Texts and emails, and then everything escalated. Soon enough, I became that weird kid that everyone bullied and no one cared for."

Dean shrugged. "It is what it is, Cas. If that's going to happen to me, well then. Let it. It's only this year left of school. I'll fight as much as I can."

Castiel let out a choked laugh. "Within half a year, you went from girl-magnet football Captain to the boyfriend of the school's resident freak."

Dean pursed his lips as he thought about it, then shrugged once again. "And I'm happier now than I've been my whole life."

Castiel gave Dean a real smile at that, and leaned over to kiss him gently on the lips. Dean smiled too, and kissed back just as gently. "I love you, Cas..."

"I love you too, Dean." Castiel murmured against Dean's lips. "With my life."

Dean lifted a hand to caress Castiel's cheek. "I hope you plan to spend that life with me. Even if you go to California to study."

Castiel smiled. "I wouldn't want to spend it with anyone else." he murmured. "You know, Stanford has a great law school, if Sam decides to pursue this." he nodded at the younger Winchester. "You could come out there too."

Dean blinked, then smiled widely. "Well, we'll just have to see what happens, yeah?" He glanced over at Sam, then turned back to Castiel. "Whatever happens, we'll make it through."

"Indeed." Castiel replied, lacing their fingers together as he curled against Dean, his stew sitting on the table, half eaten. He smiled happily, closing his eyes as he enjoyed his boyfriend's warmth.

Dean forgot about his own food as he also closed his eyes, just enjoying the closeness with Castiel.

Castiel shifted after a little bit, hissing as a bolt of pain shot through his side. "Can you get my painkillers for me please?" he asked Dean, looking up at him.

Dean tensed up at the sound that Castiel made. He nodded at the request, and slowly stood up, careful not to move Castiel in any way. "I'll be right back," he said, and went to fetch the painkillers.

"I love you!" Castiel called after him.

Sam chuckled. "You have him so whipped." he murmured, turning the page.

Dean came back with a glass of water and the painkillers for Castiel. "Everyone done with their food?"

Castiel happily downed the pills. "Yes, I've finished." he replied.

Sam chuckled, making a "Wapissh!" sound while flicking his wrist.

Dean turned to stare at his brother. "What the fuck, Sam?"

"You are so whipped." he snickered.

Dean blushed, and huffed softly. "At least I don't get eaten alive each time we have some fun."

"What are you implying?" Sam asked, cocking an eyebrow at his brother.

"She's so small and yet you have these huge marks on your neck."

Sam flushed deeply. "You're one to talk." he pointed out. "Pretty sure the only reason you two have clean necks at the moment is because Cas was in the hospital for a week!"

Dean turned even redder. "Well- Uh-... Shut up," he grumbled, quickly gathering the dishes and hurrying off to the kitchen.

Sam chuckled, and picked up the books he was reading. "I bet you tomorrow morning there will be at least one hickey on both of your necks!" he called out, heading upstairs to his own room.

"Shut up, Bobby's asleep!" Dean called back as he rinsed the plates, then put them aside. He was still red when he came back to Castiel.

Castiel's cheeks were red as well, but he smiled at Dean. "It's nice to see you two arguing again, as strange as that sounds." he murmured, carefully standing up.

Dean held out his hand to Castiel. "Well... Brothers do argue. It's natural."

Castiel took Dean's hand and laced their fingers together, slowly making his way upstairs, trying not to lean on Dean too much. "I know, it's just nice to hear. It means Sam is home."

"Yeah... I admit that... This is the first day I've felt that he's home. It's been a rough week," Dean mumbled, letting Castiel take his time.

Castiel nodded. "Thank you." he told the other. "Thank you for sticking with me. Really." he kissed Dean's cheek, letting out a sigh of relief as they reached the next floor and the room they shared.

"You're my boyfriend- Of course I'll stick with you." Dean smiled and gently squeezed Castiel's hand. He didn't let go until they reached the bed, and Castiel sat down.

Castiel smiled, and slowly started getting undressed, leaving him in a pair of boxers and a short-sleeved shirt. He shifted to his side of the bed and laid down. Dean changed into an old t-shirt and sweat pants, before carefully slipping under the covers, settling down as close to Castiel as he dared.

Castiel pressed a little closer, and he caught Dean's lips in a slow, passionate kiss. Dean happily kissed back, but held back a bit, not wanting to lose control and hurt the other.

Castiel slid one hand into Dean's hair, parting his lips gently and inviting the other in. Dean slipped his tongue into Castiel's mouth, slowly exploring each edge and curve he could reach. Castiel shivered slightly, letting out a soft, pleased moan into Dean's mouth. He had missed this so much, being so close and kissing Dean like this.

Dean rested a hand on Castiel's chest as he continued to kiss him. He slowly broke the kiss when he needed to breathe, his lips parted as he stared at Castiel's face.

Castiel looked back up at Dean, his breath coming in short, warm bursts against Dean's lips. "I love you," he whispered, leaning up to press gentle kisses to the corners of Dean's lips.

Dean let out a soft, contented sigh at the kisses. "I love you too Castiel... So much."

Castiel carefully turned onto his side, glad that he was facing Dean with the two worse wounds not pressed against the bed. He wrapped his arm around Dean's waist, keeping him close as he trailed soft, lazy kisses along Dean's jaw, chin, and throat, wherever he could reach.

Dean chuckled softly as he started to gently pet Castiel's hair. "Shouldn't I be the one to give you special treatment?" he murmured, even if he didn't really want Castiel to stop kissing him like that.

Castiel smiled against Dean's skin. "I'm not stopping you," he pointed out, kissing the curve of the other's Adam's apple.

Dean swallowed, and placed one hand on Castiel's hip. "True... Your lips are so sweet that they're distracting, though. Not that I mind, of course..."

Castiel smiled, nipping gently at the skin before pulling away, giving Dean a soft smile. "Then kiss me." he whispered, his voice lower than usual, almost sounding like a growl in his throat.

Dean's pupil grew wide at the sound, and he licked his lips before pressing them against Castiel's in an eager kiss, a little less careful than earlier.

Castiel responded just as eagerly, feeling a bolt of arousal shoot through his body as he returned the kiss. When they broke apart, his own pupils were wide, the blue iris just a ring as he looked at the other.

Dean rubbed his hand over Castiel's thigh as he pressed their foreheads together. "I want to touch you. We shouldn't, but I want to," he breathed out, then chewed on his bottom lip.

Castiel let out a shaking breath. "I'll be alright." he murmured. "Please Dean, I want you...I want to feel you." he murmured, reaching down to guide Dean's hand to the bulge in his boxers.

Dean's breath hitched as he cupped Castiel through his boxers. "Fuck, Cas..." He gently rubbed his palm against the bulge, before reaching inside the boxers to wrap his hand around the hard shaft.  
Castiel whimpered, and leaned in to seal his lips against Dean's as he felt the pressure against his aching erection.

Dean began to pump the shaft slowly, and kissed Castiel deeply, wanting to swallow each and every noise that Castiel made. Castiel let out soft groans and whimpers into Dean's mouth, reaching down to try and push his boxers as far down as he could get them. He then reached to cup his hand against the bulge in Dean's sweatpants, squeezing it gently.

Dean gasped softly into the kiss, and pressed into Castiel's hand. With his free hand, he gently caressed Castiel's thigh and ass. He did his best to be careful, to not accidentally move Castiel too much and hurt him.

Castiel whimpered, shuddering at the sensation. His hands moved to push Dean's sweatpants down, and he wrapped his fingers around the other's cock, stroking and twisting his wrist as he reached the head. Dean broke the kiss to breathe. He panted softly as he pressed open mouthed kisses to the corner of Castiel's lips, to his cheek, jaw and neck. He continued to move his hand up and down Castiel's cock. Castiel let out soft moans, shifting onto his back and pulling Dean up over him, pressing his hips up into Dean's, moaning and shivering at the slide of skin against skin.

Dean wanted to pull and push, wanted to make Castiel arch under his touch, but he pushed down the urges. He gently pushed Castiel's hand away, and wrapped his hand around both of their cocks, stroking them at the same time.

Castiel let out a loud cry, his arms wrapping around Dean and his nails digging into Dean's back as he shuddered under the sensations. He could feel a pang of protest from his still-healing wounds, but he pushed them away. "Dean..." he whimpered the other's name, pulling him down for a kiss filled with teeth and tongues.

Dean was thankful for the kiss, not only because he loved the kisses they shared while drunk on arousal, but because part of him was aware that they weren't alone in the house. He moaned and kissed back hungrily, reaching down to grab Castiel's ass again.

Castiel's hips arced up, and the spikes of pain from his side only added to his arousal, and he whimpered into Dean's mouth. "Close..." was all he could get out, his entire body tensing as he only got closer and closer to his orgasm.

Dean pulled away from the kiss to softly shush Castiel, before crashing their lips together, shivering at the pain in his lip. The precome from their cocks eased the way for his hand, and he quickened the pace in which he jerked them both off, getting closer to the edge himself.

Castiel shuddered and cried out into Dean's mouth as he came over their stomachs, the sticky fluid landing on both of their shirts. Dean quickly moved his hands, using his left to stroke Castiel through his orgasm, and the right to stroke himself. It only took a few more strokes before he was done, groaning as he came and adding to the mess.

Castiel shivered through his orgasm, panting hard as his body went limp against the mattress, pulling Dean down on top of him, holding the other close. "I love you," he whispered into Dean's ear when he finally got enough breath back.

Dean let himself be pulled down, but made sure to not put any pressure on Castiel's injuries. "I love you too," he breathed out, slowly rubbing his hands over Castiel's thighs.

Castiel smiled softly, shivering under the gentle touches. "We should have taken our shirts off...didn't really think that through." he chuckled breathily.

"Meh... It should be okay, since we'll share body heat," Dean murmured and nipped at Castiel's jaw. "Won't get cold..."

Castiel smiled and shivered at the nip. "That's true..." he murmured. "I just hope I can move well in time for my birthday...I've never actually looked forwards to a birthday before." Castiel's birthday was two weeks from then, and he had never really celebrated it in his life. His mother would give him a special cupcake, but he had never gotten any presents or a party before. He would be turning 17.

"Mmh. We'll have to do something special for your birthday." Dean gently kissed Castiel's cheek. "Reminds me... Anything specific you want for you birthday?"

Castiel shrugged slightly. "Just you." he murmured. "And I'll be happy."

Dean pulled himself up a bit to look down at his boyfriend. "There's gotta be something you want. A book, clothes, a sweet treat..."

Castiel looked up at Dean in return. "You've given me a loving boyfriend and friends that will acknowledge my day of birth. Material items aren't nearly as important to me. However, I also think you know me well enough that if you decide to get me something else, I will love it."

"... Okay then." Dean shrugged slightly, and leaned down to give Castiel a soft kiss. "I'll just surprise you with something."

Castiel returned the soft kiss. "We should clean up..." he murmured, his eyes drifting closed, his body sleepy after his release, and his painkillers were kicking in.

Dean kissed him again. "Go to sleep, and I'll clean us up," he murmured, and slowly pulled away. He carefully helped to removed Castiel's shirt before removing his own, and pulled up his sweatpants before quietly going to the bathroom.

Castiel struggled to remain awake, but ended up falling asleep rather quickly. The stitches were extremely visible against his pale skin, but the skin between them was becoming a lighter pink, slowly starting to match the other scars on his body.

Sam was emerging from the bathroom, and gave Dean a royal bitchface. "Really? His first day out of the hospital, and you molest him? And why is there come all over your stomach?" he groaned.

Dean turned red as he saw his brother, and huffed softly. "Haven't molested anybody. I asked for permission, and I got it, though I didn't think it'd end up so loud. And why do you think I got come on my stomach?" he mumbled gruffly as he slipped into the bathroom to clean himself up

Sam just rolled his eyes. "You two wouldn't know loud if a marching band went through your bedroom." he replied, heading back to his room.

Dean frowned at Sam's words, and listened to him leave. Whatever he did, someone always seemed to end up unhappy. He sighed as he looked into the mirror, grimacing at the reminder that he needed a haircut. He quickly cleaned himself up, then grabbed a rag that he soaked and wrenched, and went back to the room to clean up Castiel. He put the rag back before getting back to bed, taking a long time before falling asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Easter everyone! We hope you enjoy this fluffy little chapter.


	32. Castiel's Birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Spoilers**
> 
> Castiel wakes up the morning of his birthday to breakfast and presents from his little adopted family, having the first real birthday since his mom's death. Dean treats Castiel to a nice dinner after a lazy day spent together, and they return home for a round of birthday sex before Castiel falls asleep, feeling happy and content with life.

The next two weeks passed without much incident. Castiel had to go back to the hospital twice; once to get the stitches removed, and once more for a checkup, but he healed fine from the incident, only left with large scars. Which weren't that bad, considering the state of the rest of his body.

 

He did the schoolwork Dean brought him every day, and nearly had a panic attack when Dean had come home with a black eye one day, which turned out to be a scuffle with a few of the football players. Alistair had laid low since the incident with Castiel in the alleyway, and he had stopped going to school.

Castiel woke the morning of his birthday alone in bed, which was very strange. Normally Dean was always in bed with him when he woke up. He sat up, rubbing at his eyes and glancing at the clock. 8 am. Huh, that was even more strange; it was a Saturday, so Dean wouldn't have been in school.

Dean was shuffling around in the kitchen, humming to himself as he cooked breakfast, which was why Castiel had woken up alone. Most of Dean’s alone time during the last two weeks had gone into planning Castiel's birthday. At first, he'd wanted to throw a party, with friends, alcohol and unhealthy food - though he realized quickly that it wasn't what Castiel would want. 

He'd left an envelope on his side of the bed that he hoped that Castiel would find, in case breakfast wouldn't be done before his boyfriend woke up. In it was a birthday card, and a small note, telling him to look under the bed where there would be a gift box. In it was a new sweater in almost the same color as the trenchcoat, and a sketchbook with a sturdy cover.  
There wasn't really anything else that Dean could think of that Castiel might want, so he really hoped that the gifts would be appreciated. If not, then he hoped that pancakes with fresh berries and honey would make up for it.

Castiel found the card, and smiled fondly as he read it. He looked at the note, and then got out of bed and retrieved the wrapped package. He didn't open it though, wanting Dean to be there and be able to see his face himself. He smiled, and got dressed before he headed downstairs, the package cradled in his arms. "Good morning," he greeted Dean when he entered the kitchen, his hair tousled and a happy smile on his face. "I got your card, it was very sweet." he leaned up for a kiss.

Dean smiled softly at Castiel, and gave him a chaste kiss on the lips. When he got up earlier, he had taken a quick shower but decided to skip shaving, so he had a slightly heavier stubble than he usually did. He'd also used some cologne, just a little, hoping that Castiel would like it. "Morning, hon. Glad you liked it," he murmured. "Coffee's ready in a minute. Why don't you take a seat and I'll pour you some?"

Castiel nodded, sniffing slightly. "You smell really good today." he murmured, kissing Dean's neck before sitting down, placing the package on the table. He felt his heart skip a beat as he watched Dean move around the kitchen. His boyfriend was almost unfairly attractive, and this morning seemed like he had done everything in his power to make himself moreso.

Dean smiled brightly at the compliment, happy to know that his efforts weren't in vain. He poured Castiel some coffee and brought the mug to him, handing it over with a kiss on the top of his head, then went back to making breakfast. When the pancakes were finished, he added the toppings before placing the plate with food in front of his boyfriend, along with a knife and fork.

Castiel smiled happily. "Thank you." he leaned over to kiss Dean on the lips once more before he looked around. "Where's Sam?"

Almost as if on cue, Sam stumbled into the kitchen, his long hair a mess. "Smells good. Happy birthday Cas." he smiled, handing Castiel another wrapped package.

 

"Thank you, Sam." Castiel smiled, setting it on top of Dean's.

Dean smiled as he went back to the stove, finishing making his and Sam's pancakes. "Did you both sleep well?"

Castiel waited to start eating for Dean to finish breakfast for everyone. "I slept very well." he smiled.

Sam nodded. "Same. At least, as well as I could through the moans." he made a face.  
Castiel blushed.

It didn't take long until Dean put down two plates of pancakes on the table, one for himself and one for Sam. "We didn't keep at it that long," he said as he got some coffee. "You want coffee, Sam?"

Sam nodded. He was still thin, but he was slowly gaining weight back under Dean and Castiel's cooking. "You guys went at it for at least an hour, and the mental scarring kept me up for a few more." he teased.

Dean finally sat down at the table after he poured some coffee for Sam, handing one mug to his brother and keep the other. "I guess you just gotta call Jess and ask her to... 'Heal' your scarred mind," he said with a wink.

"I'm spending the night at her place tonight. God knows what you and Cas have planned for his birthday." Sam replied, waiting for Castiel to finish his prayer before he dug in.  
Castiel smiled at Dean. "These are delicious. Thank you."

Dean didn't answer Sam with any words, he just looked at him with a grin. He turned to his boyfriend when Castiel spoke. "You're welcome, Cas," he replied with a smile.

When Castiel finished his breakfast, he looked at the presents. "May I open them?"

"Course!" Sam chuckled. "Open Dean's first, I'm sure he's been waiting."

 

Castiel did open Dean's present first, smiling widely at the new sweater and sketchbook, pulling the sweater on immediately and looking at the crisp pages of the sketchbook. "Thank you." he grinned, leaning over to kiss Dean sweetly, tasting the berries and honey on his boyfriend's lips.

Dean hummed and kissed back, smiling. "You're welcome, Cas. I was hoping you'd like them."

"I love them. I love you." he smiled, kissing the tip of Dean's nose before pulling back to open Sam's present. Sam had bought him a new set of Prismacolor colored pencils, and Castiel's jaw absolutely dropped. "Sam, I can't..."

 

"Course you can. It's from me and Jess and her family." he replied.

 

Castiel swallowed. A set this large was a hundred dollars at least. "I...thank you." he murmured, not sure what else to say.

Dean smiled softly, happy that Castiel got at least one really good gift. "Feel free to put your new gifts to use now, if you like. It's still early. We don't have any plans until later."

Castiel was still shocked over receiving the Prismacolors, but he nodded. "Okay." Dean and Sam hadn't told him anything that was happening, so he had no clue when or what they were going to do. He looked down at the blank page, trying to decide what to draw, before he looked up at the Winchesters. "Can I get you two to take a picture for me?" he asked.

Dean blinked at his boyfriend, and tilted his head. "What kind of picture?"

"A picture of you and Sam smiling at the camera. I want to draw you two, but holding that for an extended period of time isn't possible, so a picture will have to do."  
"Well, sure. Why not. Would a picture on the phone be good enough, or...?"

Castiel nodded. "It will suffice." he got out his phone and turned it to the camera function.

Sam moved to stand next to Dean, throwing his arm over Dean's shoulders and smiling widely. Dean also smiled widely, and rested his hand on Sam's shoulder in return. 

Castiel took the picture, and smiled back. "Thank you." he grinned. "I'll show it to you both once it's finished!"

Dean grinned. "That's awesome. Now shoo with you. Go have fun while I clean up."

Castiel leaned across to kiss Dean before he went into the living room to start drawing, letting out an almost lewd moan as he started to color with the Prismacolors.

Dean smiled at his brother after he'd watched Castiel leave the kitchen. "Well, the morning has been a huge success, at least," he said as he started to gather the dishes, then went to the sink to start washing them.

"I'd say. You think he liked the colored pencils? Jess said they were the best kind."

"Liked it? Dude, I bet that's the best gift he's gotten in years."

Sam smiled. "I'm glad he likes it, I really am. He feels like a brother, you know? Well, I guess you wouldn't know." he teased.

"Hey, what do you know? Maybe I think you're a hot piece of ass too...." Dean wiggled his eyebrows.

Sam gagged. "No thanks!" he punched Dean in the shoulder. "So what are we doing tonight?" he asked, lowering his voice so Castiel couldn't hear.

Dean laughed and shook his head as he rubbed his shoulder. "Well, I've made reservations at that fancy but not too snobby restaurant, for you, me, Jess and Cas. Got a table by 6:30. Before that, I was thinking we could all walk around for a bit... Maybe let you three entertain yourselves at the pet store while fetch a last gift."

"What's the gift?" Sam asked, surprised. He had bounced a few ideas back and forth with him, and thought the sweater, sketchbook, and sex later that night would be it.

Dean smiled. "I haven't decided if I want to give it to him at the restaurant or when we're alone, so I'm not gonna tell you. Just be happy I'll let you look at puppies."

"Fiiine." Sam sighed dramatically. "I'll call Jess, have her over here at 5?"

Dean chuckled and nodded. "Sounds perfect."

 

Sam went off to call his girlfriend. Castiel was engrossed in his drawing, loving the feel of the colored pencils. Dean continued washing the dishes, and kept wondering about that last gift.

 

Castiel spent most of his day drawing, taking a break to have a make-out session with Dean a few hours later. By the time Jess came over, Castiel was almost finished. "I'm really, really proud of this one." he told Dean, smiling.

Dean smiled warmly at Castiel. "That's good, hon."

Jess beamed as she walked into the living room a little while later, just before 5pm, having been let in by Sam. She was wearing a rather nice dress. "Hey, birthday guy. I see you like your gift!"

"I loved it." Castiel smiled at her, moving off of Dean's lap. "I can't thank you enough, really." he looked at Dean then. "Should I get better dressed?" he asked, having noticed how Jess was dressed nicely.

Dean grinned and nodded. "Yeah, you should, though no need for anything mega fancy. Me and Sam also need to get changed."

Castiel nodded, and he headed upstairs. When he emerged, he was dressed in black dress pants and a white dress shirt, a royal blue tie, and his trenchcoat over everything.

"Well well, don't you just look dreamy," Jess said with a smile as Castiel came back down. "Sam and Dean went to pretty themselves up for us. How's your day been so far, Cas?"

 

"It's been very nice." Castiel smiled at her. "Dean got me a sweater and the sketchbook." he nodded towards where it was sitting on the table. "And he's cuddled and watched me draw basically all day. How about you?"

"Aww, sounds lovely," Jess said, then went on to talk about how her day had been.

Sam came down a few minutes later, wearing a plaid button down shirt and a nice leather jacket. Jess stopped talking with Castiel when she saw Sam, her eyes going big. "Oh... Where have you been hiding all my life?" She giggled quietly as she looked him over.

 

Dean came down a few minutes after his brother, also dressed in a plaid button down shirt, but with a suit jacket on top of it that was almost the same colour as his more well fitting jeans- since most of the pairs he owned were a bit loose. He felt a bit awkward, but the outfit was relaxed enough to allow him to wear it without complaining.

Castiel went speechless at the sight of Dean, his eyes widening and pupils dilating. He swallowed. "Hello, Dean." he murmured, not knowing what to say.

Dean was unsure of what to do when Castiel's gaze felt so much more intense than usual, so he awkwardly rubbed his neck. "Hey. Sorry it took so long... We should get going, soon."

 

Castiel swallowed and nodded. Sam smiled and gave Jess his arm, escorting her outside to the Impala and helping her into the backseat.

Dean took Castiel's hand in his, and walked with him to the car, holding the door open for him. Then he slipped into the driver's seat. "Everyone ready to go?" he asked and started the Impala, then drove off after he got their replies. Castiel cuddled up close to his boyfriend as he normally would when they were driving together.

Sam smiled at Jess. "You look beautiful." he murmured, kissing her cheek gently.

Jess smiled softly as she looked at Sam. "Thank you, Sam."

Sam kissed the top of her head, cuddling her close as well as Dean drove them wherever.

A bit later, Dean parked the car and turned to the other three. "I have to go do something. It'll only take five or ten minutes. You guys staying here, or do you want to look around in one of the stores nearby?"

"Let's look around," Sam suggested, looking towards the pet shop.

Castiel chuckled. "Sounds good to me," he replied, kissing Dean before getting out.

Dean smiled. "See you in a bit then," he said before getting out, locking the car and then heading off in the opposite direction.

 

"Oh, a pet shop. Now, how will we get you out of there if we go inside?" Jess teased Sam as she got out. Sam just smiled, and headed straight for the puppies with Jess and Castiel.  
Castiel chuckled, and started to wander around, looking at all the different animals.

Jess ended up by the kittens, cooing softly at them. Castiel wandered next to her, smiling. "We won't be able to get Sam out of here, will we?"

"We'll find a way. Though, it'll be hard. He just... Adores dogs." Jess smiled. 

Castiel chuckled. "You really love him." he murmured, watching Sam play with three puppies.

"I think we're meant for each other. It might sound silly, I'm still a kid in people's eyes but... I don't know. It just feels right." Jess was also watching Sam.  
Castiel nodded. "I know what you mean." he murmured. "Dean and I are technically adults, but we're still quite young. But I love him, I really do. And I've never been happier around him, around all of you."

Jess smiled widely. "Well. We're technically family. If you weren't happy, I'd be worried. Come on, let's look at the puppies!" she said and dragged Castiel over to Sam.

Dean came into the shop a few minutes later.

Castiel had a golden retriever puppy in his lap, staring up at him with blue eyes while Castiel stared back. Sam was busy playing with three other puppies. Jess was cooing over another golden retriever puppy.

Dean paused as he looked at them. "... Jesus Christ, what have I done? Are you three still human and able to understand human language?"

Sam barked and laughed. Castiel looked up with a smile for his boyfriend. "This is strangely enjoyable."

Dean looked sceptically at all the puppies. "... I'm not overly fond of dogs."

Jess laughed. "Really? How can you look at these little things and not smile?" She held up one of the puppies towards Dean.

 

He frowned. "... I'm just not-" He jumped as the puppy barked.

"I've seen Dean sprint from a Yorkie Jess, best leave him alone." Sam teased. Castiel pet the puppy in his lap again before he stood up and made his way to Dean's side, lacing their fingers together.

"A Yorkie? Please tell me you're kidding..." Jess looked baffled.

 

Dean sighed and ran a hand over his face, feeling embarrassed and slightly frustrated. Castiel squeezed Dean's hand softly. "Did you finish what you were up to?"

 

Sam put the puppies back down, looking at them wistfully. "I'll tell you the story later. It's 6:15, Dean."

"I did, and yeah, it's time to go. It's walking distance from here, so chop chop." Dean made sure to not look at Sam too much, as he let the others gather themselves before he led them outside, and then towards the restaurant.

Castiel's eyes widened as he realized what restaurant they were going to. "Dean, I...wow." he murmured, squeezing Dean's hand gently. "How did you pull this off?"

Dean winked at him. "It's a secret."

He led them inside and spoke to the host. They were made to wait a few minutes, before they were taken to their reserved table. Castiel took his seat next to Dean, eyes wide as he looked around.

Sam helped Jess into her seat and smiled. "It's your birthday, Cas. We wanted to make sure you enjoyed it."

"And don't worry about anything. Choose whatever you want on the menu, without feeling guilty." Dean gently patted Castiel's thigh.

Jess smiled as she made herself comfortable. "It's just too bad we can't drink any wine to the meal," she said quietly as she looked through drinks menu.

Castiel kissed Dean's cheek softly before he began to browse through the menu, eyes widening at the prices. "Dean, I can pay for my o-"

Dean pressed a finger to Castiel's lips to shush him. "Don't worry. Relax, and just enjoy yourself. Okay?" he murmured. Castiel kept eye contact with him for a few moments before nodding slowly, kissing the pad of Dean's finger. Dean smiled at Castiel, before he turned his focus to his own menu.

Sam chuckled, looking through the menu himself, "This all sounds so good..."

Jess nodded in agreement. "It really does... I think I might go with chicken, though..."

Castiel looked through. "The Pasta Alfredo looks really good..." he mused. "I think I'll get that."

Dean nodded slowly, taking his time to read the menu. He looked up when he was done, and looked at the three. "Everyone ready to order?"

Castiel nodded, and Sam looked at his brother. "Should I get a salad or steak?"

Dean shrugged slightly. "I'd say steak because you're still a bit thin, but this is a night to enjoy ourselves, so... Your choice, Sammy."

Sam bit his lip as he thought about it. "I'll get the steak." he decided, closing his menu.

A waitress came by not much longer later, getting their drink and food orders. They placed their orders and handed over the menus. The waitress headed off, but it didn't take long until she came back with their drinks.

Castiel smiled and thanked her, reaching under the table to lace his fingers together with Dean. "Thank you all, for everything today." he smiled widely. "I've never enjoyed myself more."

Dean gently squeezed Castiel's hand. "Oh, but the day isn't over yet, Cas," he said softly, then leaned in to whisper in Castiel's ear. "Sam's spending the night at Jess' place, so we'll have a bit more privacy than usual..."

Castiel smiled widely, and kissed Dean gently. They hadn't discussed having penetrative sex again since the night Castiel had been stabbed, but Castiel had been practicing. He had been stretching himself open whenever Dean was in school, and had grown used to the sensation. He hoped that it would dramatically decrease the amount of pain he would experience afterwards. He hadn't told Dean yet, but he would tonight.

Dean kissed back just as gently, resting his and Castiel's hands on Castiel's thigh. It had been a given that sex would be part of Castiel's birthday, but he hadn't really planned anything. He just thought they'd decide when they got to the bedroom. When he pulled away, he let his eyes flicker to his boyfriend's wrist, before turning his eyes to Sam and Jess. "I think you promise the lady a story about your big bro and dogs."

Sam grinned widely, turning to look at Jess. "Okay, so this is like, two years ago. And for some strange reason, Dean kept coming to my room to check on me. Said he kept hearing shit outside, wanted to make sure I was okay. I kept teasing him, but he was getting really, really worked up about it. So he finally went outside, and started poking through the bushes, and I heard the most feminine scream in the world come out of Dean's mouth. I freak out, cause I think it's something actually serious, and I headed outside to see this dumbshit sprinting full speed down the street, our neighbour's Yorkie chasing after him." Sam could barely speak at the end, he was laughing so hard. Castiel couldn't help but laugh as well. Jess was trying to stifle her laughter by pressing a hand over her mouth, her shoulders shaking.

 

Dean rolled his eyes at all of them. "I've never been fond of dogs, and that little shit didn't do anything to help. It loves Sam but hates me with a passion, and it was on our property - why, I have no clue. When I came out to check it jumped out of the freaking bushes. It was pitch black outside, so I just saw a barking blur of something flying at me."

Sam was crying, his shoulders shaking with laughter. "It was the best blackmail material ever. Feel free to break up with him Cas, since he's not as manly as you thought." he teased.

 

Castiel chuckled. "If Dean was a woman, I may have had to amend my sexuality to being bi." he smiled, leaning into Dean's shoulder.

Jess almost couldn't breathe. "A Yorkie! You were chased down the street by a Yorkie...!"

 

Dean sighed and shook his head, not even bothering to try and explain just how much he disliked dogs. Castiel kissed his cheek affectionately. "I'm not that fond of dogs myself." he told the other in an attempt to make him feel better.

Dean shrugged. "I doubt you have an irrational fear of them though," he said, smiling faintly.

 

The waitress came back soon enough with their food, smiling as she set the plates down. Sam and Castiel both thanked her, and Sam looked at Castiel. Castiel smiled at all of them, and this time, his prayer was more than just his normal mealtime prayer.

 

"God, we thank you for this food and nourishment, bless this meal so we may be strong. And I thank you, God, for giving me these wonderful people in my life, who have taught me what true happiness is and have given me a reason to fight the demons you know have almost won a few times. Please, give them happiness in their lives and take care of your children the same way a mother cares for her own. Amen."

Dean smiled softly as he watched Castiel pray, and waited until Castiel had taken the first bite of the meal, before starting to eat. Jess had been told about Castiel's praying, and waited to eat just like Sam and Dean until Castiel was done. She hummed at the first mouthful.

Castiel smiled at the meal. "This is really, really good food." he hummed happily as he ate.

"Indeed!" Sam agreed happily, cutting into his steak.

"It's a really nice place... Really good choice," Jess said, and grinned at the three guys. "And I probably sit at the best table."

 

"Oi, be careful. Sam might get upset you're ogling his better looking brother and said brother's boyfriend." Dean chuckled.

 

Jess giggled. "I don't know. You and Cas do look good, but I do love Sam's hair..."

Castiel flushed at the compliment. Sam grinned triumphantly. "See Dean, I told you that chicks dig the long hair."

Dean nudged Sam's leg with his foot. "And it's very useful to pull on when you're being a brat."

Sam gave him a bitchface. "Oh, eat your food."

"Okay, lil bro." Dean grinned, nudging him again before focusing on the food.

Castiel finished his meal, settling back into his chair with a smile. "Thank you all for the good company and the presents."

"We're not done yet." Sam smiled, getting the waitress's attention. "What kind of dessert do you like? And don't say pie just to make Dean happy."

Dean put on a pouty face at first, then let it fall and smiled instead. "Anything you want, Cas."

Castiel looked through the dessert menu. "I actually think the blueberry pie looks really good." he murmured.

Dean looked at him. "... You sure, Cas?" he asked, hoping Castiel didn't say that just because he thought he had to.

"I'm sure." Castiel gave him a genuine smile as he asked the waitress for a blueberry pie.

Jess smiled. "You two must've been made for each other..."

Castiel's cheeks turned pink, but he took Dean's hand under the table and squeezed it gently. "Pie lovers unite," Dean chuckled, and smiled at Castiel.

The waitress brought the pie over, as well as extra plates and forks. "Happy birthday," she told Castiel with a smile.

Sam got out a pack of candles and stuck them into the pie, before lighting them. Castiel looked confused. "What are you doing?"

Jess giggled softly. "What does it look like, silly?"

 

Dean wrapped an arm around Castiel's waist. "A birthday pie is just as good as a birthday cake."

Castiel smiled, as Sam began to (very loudly) sing happy birthday, the others joining in. Once everyone had finished, Castiel looked at the pie. 'What do I do now?"

"You make a wish, then blow out the candles. But don't tell anyone what you wished for." Dean grinned.

Castiel closed his eyes, a soft smile on his face before he blew out the candles.

"Hopefully your wish will come true," Jess said. "Now cut the pie, it actually looks really good."

Castiel smiled happily. "It already has." he smiled, glancing at Dean before he cut pieces of the pie for everyone.

Dean blinked, but decided to ask about it later as he got his piece of pie.

Castiel and Sam happily ate their pieces. "Well, Jess' mom is going to pick us up from here. So you two wild kids go have fun, and use protection!" Sam teased.

Castiel blushed. Dean snorted softly, and wiped his mouth with a napkin. "Who you calling a kid, kid? And shouldn't you be more worried about protection?"

Jess giggled. "No glove, no love. Doesn't matter who it is."

Castiel turned a bright red.

 

"That's right, big bro." Sam smirked. "Besides, I hear its easier to get in if you use a condom, in your case."

"Woah, time out- time out!" Dean made the time out sign with his hands. "I'm too sober for this shit," he muttered.

Sam chuckled, waving Dean away. "Get out of here, I know you've been aching for some private time since the pet store."

Castiel just looked confused. Dean rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah... Just remember to call if anything happens, and you got the debit card, yeah?"

"Course." Sam smiled. "Now get out of here!"

Castiel stood when Dean did, following him outside. Dean wrapped his arm around Castiel's shoulder as they walked to the car. Castiel leaned into Dean before they both slid into the car, leaning up to kiss him gently on the lips. "Thank you for tonight." he whispered.

Dean smiled softly. "Don't thank me just yet, Cas. Our night has just started..." He started the car when they were buckled in. Castiel smiled, and curled up next to Dean, rubbing his thigh gently as they drove.

They drove in a comfortable silence back to the house. Dean parked the car and got out, then gently took Castiel's hand in his own as they headed inside.

 

There was a note from Bobby on the fridge- "House is yours tonight."

 

Castiel read the note, before he leaned up to kiss Dean soft and slow. Dean kissed back and put his hands on Castiel's waist, gently pulling him closer. "You want to take a bath before or after we have some 'fun'?" he asked quietly.

Castiel smiled against Dean's lips. "After. Otherwise we'd have to take two." he pointed out, catching Dean's lips in another kiss.

Dean shrugged slightly. "I could've just cleaned us up... But it's your birthday. Your choice. You call the shots tonight..." He moved his hands up to Castiel's shoulders, and carefully removed his trenchcoat.

Castiel shrugged out of it, leaning up to kiss Dean once more, arms wrapped around his shoulders. "I...I've been practicing." he murmured. "Stretching myself, so...so you wouldn't hurt me again. I'd like to have sex tonight." he whispered.

Dean dropped the trenchcoat, and looked at Castiel with a very serious expression. "... Are you sure you've healed enough?" He placed his hands on Castiel's hips.

"I'm sure." Castiel replied, leaning into the other's touch, looking up at him with clear blue eyes. "I want you." he whispered, almost growling and kissing Dean with a little more passion.

Dean made a surprised noise, but deepened the kiss. He let his hands slowly roam over Castiel's body, allowing himself to take his time since no one would be interrupting them.

Castiel shivered under the touch, his own hands trailing up and down Dean's back. He broke the kiss to lean over and whisper into Dean's ear. "You said I'm calling the shots." he murmured. "I want to make love tonight. I want you to do to me whatever you want to, make me forget my name." he whispered, nipping gently at Dean's earlobe.

Dean groaned softly at the thought, and gently squeezed his boyfriend's ass. "Tonight you can be as loud as you want," he murmured, pressing their bodies flush against each other, before slipping his hands in under Castiel's shirt.

Castiel groaned and pressed against Dean, kissing down his jaw. "We should get to the bed...." he murmured, making no move to go anywhere but closer to Dean.

"Mmh... Put your arms around my neck and hold on tight," Dean mumbled, giving Castiel some time to do that. He bent his knees slightly and wrapped one arm tightly around Castiel's middle and the other under his ass, and carefully lifted him up. Castiel held on tightly, burying his face into Dean's neck as he was lifted up, groaning slightly as his erection rubbed against Dean's abdomen.

Dean hummed softly as he carried Castiel up the stairs to their bedroom. He carefully put Castiel down on the bed when they reached it, and started to gently kiss his neck.

Castiel let out a soft gasp, baring his neck to give Dean more room to work. Dean carefully pulled off Castiel's tie and started to unbutton his shirt, continuing to kiss his neck without leaving any marks. Castiel arched into Dean's touch, shivering. "Dean..." he whispered, running one of his hands through his hair.

Dean finished unbutton the shirt, and pushed it off Castiel's shoulders. "I'm going to take my sweet time with you," he murmured against the pale skin.

Castiel let out a soft moan, shifting up and removing the shirt, leaving him shirtless. "You too," he murmured, reaching to slide his hands under Dean's shirt, pulling it off.

Dean stopped kissing Castiel's neck long enough to let his shirt be taken off. He then moved his hands to undo Castiel's pants and pull them down. Castiel tilted his hips up, pushing down his boxers as well. He settled back on the mattress, his hipbones sharp against his skin and his chest heaving slightly as he panted. His erection was heavy and resting against his body, twitching occasionally as he looked at Dean, his eyes almost black.

Dean licked his lips slowly as he looked at Castiel's body. He got off the bed to remove his jeans and underwear, then got back on the bed, coaxing Castiel with gentle hands to move so that his head was propped up on the pillows. He kissed Castiel gently on the lips, before kissing down to his neck again.

Castiel tilted his head back, eyes fluttering closed at the kisses. His hands reached up and started to explore Dean's torso, tracing over the muscles and over his collarbone.

Dean nibbled and sucked on Castiel's neck, now leaving marks. He kissed down to Castiel's collarbones, pressing open mouthed kisses on the skin using his teeth and lips to leave more marks. Slowly he ran his hands over Castiel's stomach and thighs, fingers trailing over but not minding the bumps of scars on the soft skin.

Castiel was letting out small gasps and moans, shivering as Dean found the more sensitive spots. His hands dropped down Dean's chest, finding a nipple and tweaking it gently in between his fingers.

Dean paused to bite back a noise, then kissed his way over to one of Castiel's nipples, gently kissing and licking at it while his hands caressed Castiel's inner thighs. Castiel let out a loud gasp, his legs spreading to give Dean room to fit between them, his breathing fast and breathless. Dean moved one hand to gently cup and fondle Castiel's balls, and he kissed his way over to the other nipple to kiss and lick at it, too.

Castiel keened softly, pressing his hips up into Dean's hand. "Dean..." he whimpered, his hands moving to wrap around Dean's back, holding him close. "Please...more..."

Dean let go of the nipple to pepper Castiel's chest with soft kisses. He wrapped his free hand around Castiel's erection, stroking it slowly while he continued to fondle his balls. Castiel was letting out moans and gasps, much louder than he did normally, when Sam and Bobby were home. He pressed his hips up into Dean's hands, his eyes closed and pleasure written on his face.

Dean hummed softly and left a trail of kisses down Castiel's torso as he moved lower. He sucked a mark into the skin close to his belly button, and then several on his hipbones.

Castiel cracked his eyes open, watching Dean as he moved lower, his erection twitching at the sight. "Dean..." he moaned softly, twisting his hands into the comforter for purchase as he watched.

"I've missed hearing you be loud..." Dean murmured, shifting a bit as his face was at the same level as Castiel's crotch. He stilled his hands and just held Castiel's cock, keeping it in place as he licked at the sensitive head. Castiel gasped and writhed slightly, his thigh muscles clenching and unclenching as he fought against bucking his hips. 

Dean looked up at Castiel. "Don't hold back," he said, before wrapping his lips around the head and gently sucked on it.

Castiel moaned, his eyes closing again as he felt the shocks of pleasure course through him. His hips trembled with the effort of keeping them down, not wanting to choke Dean.

Dean pulled off for a moment bite and lick his lip, then wrapped his lips around the head again. He slowly lowered his head down onto the shaft. Castiel moaned again, slowly pressing up a little deeper, letting out soft gasps and noises. Dean closed his eyes as he felt that they started to water, taking calm breathes through his nose as he took Castiel deeper into his mouth than any other time.

Castiel whined softly, hips twitching slightly. "S-stop..." he whimpered. "N-not yet..."

Dean slowly pulled off, and wiped some saliva off his lips with the back of his hand. He took a moment to catch his breath. "Tell me what you want..." 

Castiel shifted under Dean, sitting up and pushing him down on his back, kissing his neck. Dean let himself be pushed down, and moved his head to give Castiel more room. Castiel straddled Dean's hips, grinding against them almost lazily as he nipped and sucked at the skin there, finding Dean's more sensitive spots. Dean shuddered and grabbed at Castiel's thighs, closing his eyes and biting his bottom lip to suppress a groan.

"Let me hear you, please." Castiel requested softly, continuing to roll his hips as he nipped at a spot on Dean's neck he knew the other enjoyed.

Dean's breath hitched, and then he let out a soft moan. "Okay," he mumbled, and rubbed at Castiel's thighs.

Castiel's breath hitched in return at the noise, letting out a pleased groan of his own as he picked up the pace of his hips.

"Oh fuck..." Dean press his head against the pillows, and bucked his hips against Castiel.

Castiel groaned, hands running up and down Dean's sides. He reached over for the bedside table, grabbing a condom and a tube of lube and dropping the condom on the bed, handing the lube to Dean.

Dean accepted the lube, turning it slowly in his hands. "You really wanna do it like this?" he asked, moving his free hand to gently squeeze Castiel's ass.

Castiel let out a breathy moan at the squeeze. "I want you to finger me open like this, and then take me on my back." he breathed back, rolling his hips slowly again.

Dean groaned softly and nodded. "All right..." He opened the cap on the tube and slicked his fingers with the lube, putting the tube aside for the moment. He reached down behind Castiel, and slowly rubbed his fingers over his hole.

Castiel groaned, eyes fluttering shut as he spread his legs open a little farther. His hips stilled over Dean's. Dean watched Castiel quietly. He nudged at the rim a few times, before pushing a finger inside, taking it slow. Castiel groaned, shuddering slightly, but not feeling any pain at all.

Dean pushed the finger in and out for a bit, before adding a second finger. Castiel arced back into the touch, tossing back his head with a soft cry as the second finger was added. "Dean..." he groaned the other's name out, starting to rock his hips into the fingers.

"Fuck," Dean said in a small voice, his green eyes wide and almost black with arousal as he watched Castiel. His cocked twitched, and he began to gently thrust his fingers in and out of Castiel.

Castiel shuddered, and opened his eyes to lock with Dean's, his own eyes just as black. "Another," he murmured, before leaning in to kiss Dean hungrily.

Dean reached up to run his free hand through Castiel's hair, pulling away slightly to nip at his bottom lip, before kissing back eagerly. He pushed in a third finger, and switched between spreading them and thrusting them in and out.

Castiel mewled into Dean's mouth, before his entire body spasmed as Dean pressed into his prostate. Dean groaned at the clench around his fingers. He rubbed Castiel's prostate for a little bit, then focused on stretching him. 

Castiel was moaning and panting into Dean's mouth the entire time. "’M ready." he murmured finally, gently moving away to lay down on his back, legs spread as wide as he could get them.

Dean moved to let Castiel settle on his back. He wiped his hand on the sheets quickly before he grabbed the condom, opening the wrapper. He groaned softly as he rolled the condom on and then spread some lube on his cock, before shifting between Castiel's legs. Castiel shifted slightly as he felt the head of Dean's erection against his opening. "Please." he asked, voice quiet as he looked up at the other, reaching to lace their fingers together on one hand.

Dean felt very heavy as he looked down at Castiel, thinking back on the first and only other time they did this. He swallowed before leaning down to press their lips together in a needy kiss, suppressing his doubts as he grabbed Castiel's hip with his free hand, and finally pushed inside.

Castiel groaned into Dean's mouth, and this time, there was only a burning sensation that wasn't entirely unpleasant as Dean pressed inside. Castiel clung to Dean, kissing him hungrily as he wrapped his legs around his boyfriend's waist, pulling him deeper. Dean pushed all the way inside in one fluid motion, and moaned at the feeling as he bottomed out. He stayed still for a bit, letting them both get used to the feeling, before starting to slowly pull out and thrust back inside.

Castiel moaned and kissed Dean hungrily, rocking his hips back against Dean's as he thrust. Dean wrapped his free arm around Castiel's waist, and shifted his hips every now and then, trying to find the right angle that allowed him to brush against Castiel's prostate with each thrust.

It took a few tries, but finally Castiel nearly yelled into Dean's mouth, clenching around Dean's cock as he found the right angle. "There..." Castiel groaned, his neglected erection twitching in between their bodies.

Dean moaned and breathed shakily as Castiel clenched around him. He picked up the pace a bit now that he'd found the right angle. "Fuck... Feels so good... Cas..."

Castiel let out a loud cry as each thrust hit his prostate, shaking. "Touch me, please..." he begged, eyes shut tight as his head thrashed over the pillow.

 

Dean moved his hand to wrap it around Castiel's cock, and tried to stroke it in time with his thrusts. It was a bit awkward, but he managed to get the hang of it after a few tries.

 

Castiel was shaking, letting out loud moans and cries. "Close..." he whimpered, moaning loudly at a particularly hard thrust. Dean grunted in reply, not able to answer with any words as he continued to thrust into Castiel and stroke his cock.

Castiel clenched down around Dean as he came with a loud cry, body shaking as he moaned and gasped through his orgasm. Dean's breath hitched and he gave Castiel a few more quick strokes, before grabbing his hips and thrusting into him a couple more times, snapping his hips forward and turning still as he came with a soft groaned.

Castiel fell limp back to the mattress, breathing hard. "I love you," he whispered, kissing Dean gently and lovingly. "Thank you."

"I love you too, Cas..." Dean murmured, and kissed back before carefully pulling out and getting off the bed to dispose of the condom. Castiel watched him, sitting up carefully and getting out of bed himself, heading towards the bathroom. His lower body ached, but it felt good and nowhere near as painful as the first time.

Dean stretched a bit before he followed Castiel to the bathroom, though stopped in the door opening. "... How are you feeling?"

"Completely and utterly satisfied." Castiel replied, starting the bath before walking over to kiss Dean. "A little sore, but not in pain."

Dean sighed softly and wrapped his arms around Castiel. "Mmh, good..." He returned the kiss before burying his face in Castiel's neck.

Castiel smiled, holding Dean close and just standing there for a while. Once the bathtub was full enough, Castiel took Dean's hand and led him over. "If you get in first, I can sit in your lap." he smiled.

Dean let Castiel lead him over to the bathtub, and he nodded slowly before carefully stepping into the bath, and held his hands out to Castiel when he was settled down. Castiel carefully got into the tub, taking Dean's hands before he settled down in between the other's legs, sighing contently at the warm water as he leaned back against his boyfriend's broad chest. Dean loosely wrapped his arms around Castiel, and he gently kissed the top of his head.

Castiel smiled. "May I ask what you were up to while we were in the pet store?" he asked.

Dean hummed softly. "Not yet. You'll know when we're done with the bath."

Castiel chuckled. "Tease." he murmured, kissing Dean's neck gently.

Dean smiled slightly. "It's nothing big, really, so I don't think you should get your hopes up too high..."

 

Castiel's eyes widened. "Wait, you got me something else?" he sounded slightly shocked.

"Well, uh... Yeah." Dean's cheeks turned red as he looked away.

 

Castiel looked at him, and he felt warmth in his chest. "I...thank you." he whispered, kissing Dean's cheek. He kept his head resting on the other's shoulder. "I've never, ever enjoyed myself as much as I have today. You've made me feel very loved." he murmured.

"Well, you only have one birthday a year... We wanted to make it special for you," Dean mumbled, resting one hand over Castiel's heart. "I do hope I make you feel loved most days, though..." He chuckled.

"You do." Castiel replied quietly, reaching to put a hand over Dean's, lacing their fingers together over his heart. "And I hope I do the same for you."

"Of course you. Otherwise I wouldn't be here," Dean said and pressed a kiss to Castiel's forehead. Castiel smiled happily, just enjoying the warm water and Dean's presence and kisses.

After a good 15 minutes of just relaxing and sharing sweet words and kisses, Castiel finally started to clean Dean up, using the detachable shower head to wash his hair. Dean kept his eyes closed as he let Castiel wash his hair, deciding to just enjoy the moment instead of insisting that he could do it himself.

Castiel smiled happily when Dean didn't protest, kissing him gently when he finished. "There, you're clean." he smiled.

Dean smiled softly and kissed back, then carefully took the shower head from Castiel. "Let me return the favor..."

Castiel nodded and sat back, closing his eyes as Dean washed his hair. Dean hummed softly and was very careful as he took his time. When he was done, he placed his hands on Castiel's shoulders, rubbing them gently.

Castiel let out a soft moan, his muscles relaxing under Dean's touch. He was quiet for a while, before he told Dean. "I've been thinking about getting a tattoo."

Dean blinked in surprise. "What, really? What kind?" he asked, continuing to rub Castiel's shoulders.

"A pair of angel wings on my back." he replied softly, unsure if Dean would make fun of him or not. "I've designed them already.

Dean was quiet for a moment. "... Can I see the design, or would you rather keep it hidden until you get the tattoo?" he asked.

 

"I'll show you the design later." he promised, a soft smile breaking over his face, relieved that Dean wasn't disgusted with the idea.

"Awesome." Dean smiled, and wrapped his arms around Castiel to pull him into a hug and pepper his face with kisses.

Castiel smiled, and returned the kisses where he could reach. "We should probably get out, the water's getting cold." he murmured.

"You're right..." Dean murmured. He gave Castiel a couple more kisses before letting go of him. Castiel smiled and got out of the tub, reaching a hand to help Dean out, his other hand grabbing a towel.

Dean carefully got out, and grimaced as he stepped on the cold floor. He unplugged the drain in the tub before turning his attention to Castiel. "Is there something you'd like to do, now? Night's still young."

Castiel chuckled. "Why don't I find my sketchbook, the old one, and you prepare whatever it is you're keeping so secret?" he teased, handing Dean a towel.

"Well... I don't need any preparation, so I'll just take my time while drying myself off." Dean grinned as he accepted the towel. Castiel chuckled, kissing Dean's cheek before wrapping the towel around his waist and heading back to their room, digging through his bags and pulling out the sketchbook.

Dean hummed softly to himself as he dried himself off and wrapped the towel around his hips, then headed off to fetch clean sheets before joining Castiel in their room. Castiel smiled, helping Dean change the seats before sitting down on the bed, opening the sketchbook to the right page. On it was a detailed sketch of Castiel's back, and there were two magnificent black wings covering his shoulders and sides, the tips ending in the small of his back.

Dean looked at the design that Castiel had sketched out, and scratched his chin thoughtfully. "... That's quite big. It'll be a long process. Probably several visits."

"I know." Castiel replied. "But they will be worth it." he smiled softly, closing the book and looking up at Dean. "So, I am very curious as to this secret gift." he murmured.

Dean smiled softly and stood up. "Sit tight, and close your eyes, okay? Don't ask why, just do it." He waited until Castiel had his eyes closed before bringing out the small box he kept in his suit jacket. "Hold your arm out."

Quietly, he took a bracelet out of the box. It was long and made of leather, sigils carved all over it. It wrapped around Castiel's wrist three times, before Dean put the clasp - connected to a piece of silver, the shape of an anti possession symbol - in place. Then he turned Castiel's palm up, and placed a silver rosary cross in it. "There we go."

Castiel opened his eyes, and they widened as he stared at it. Softly, he started reciting the sigils as he turned his wrist to see it, his hand closing over the cross. When he had finished, he looked up a Dean and threw his arms around the other, holding him tightly and completely speechless, shaking slightly as he started to cry. It was beautiful, and he loved it.

"Aww, Cas..." Dean mumbled, wrapping his arms around Castiel in return, holding him tightly. He had been afraid that Castiel wouldn't like the gifts, so he wasn't entirely sure if the strong emotions were good or bad.

"I love you," Castiel whispered, voice shaking. "I love you so much." he buried his face into Dean's shoulder, pressing close to his boyfriend.

Dean smiled softly, and rubbed a hand over Castiel's back. "I love you too, Cas..." He gave him a soft kiss on the top of his head.

 

Castiel had to take a few more moments to calm down, but when he pulled away, he had a Brilliant smile on his face. "I love it, Dean." he murmured, taking the rosary and hanging it around his neck.

Dean smiled wider. "Awesome. Really awesome." He brought his hands up to cup Castiel's face, and gently pulled him in for a sweet kiss.

 

Castiel smiled into the kiss, wrapping his arms around Dean and bringing him down onto the bed. "You're the best." he whispered when the kiss broke.

Dean ran his hands through Castiel's hair with a hum. "Well. I do try. Sometimes, I succeed," he murmured, then grinned. Castiel returned the smile, nuzzling Dean affectionately before he yawned.

Dean kissed him gently on the lips. "Sounds like it's time for bed."

 

Castiel nodded, not bothering with pulling on any clothing, just stripping the towel and moving to his side of the bed, curling up under the covers. Dean removed his own towel, before slipping in under the covers beside Castiel. He wrapped his arms around his boyfriend to pull him slightly closer.

Castiel cuddled close, his arm around Dean's waist as he nuzzled into Dean's chest. "Good night." he murmured. "Thank you for today."

"Anything for you," Dean mumbled and closed his eyes. "Good night, Cas..."

Castiel fell asleep with a soft smile on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the lack of chapter on Wednesday, Cinder had a very long day of work/getting ready to go out of town and forgot. So today is a double chapter posting!
> 
> ~Cinder


	33. Relaxing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILERS**
> 
> Dean is feeling a little guilty that Castiel is still sore after sex, but Castiel does his best to reassure Dean that he isn't hurt and that he does enjoy sex with him. They cuddle for a bit before having breakfast and an easy day, filled with flirting and cuddles, before Castiel gets Dean set up to draw him once more.
> 
>  **TRIGGER WARNINGS**  
>  Mentions and discussion of past suicidal thoughts

Castiel woke up the next morning slightly sore, but nowhere near as bad as the first time. He smiled and curled a little further into Dean, his fingers playing with the bracelet that he didn't take off. Dean was still asleep, his lips parted and his short hair a mess. He still had his arms around Castiel. Castiel smiled softly, more than content to just lay there in Dean's arms as the other slept. He closed his eyes again, dozing slightly.

It took a while, but eventually Dean stirred and started to slowly wake. He wrapped his arms tighter around Castiel and slurred something incoherent, before yawning loudly. "Mornin'..." Dean mumbled when he was awake enough, then blinked his eyes open to look at Castiel. "You sleep well...?"

"Very." Castiel replied. "And I'm a little sore, but not in pain." he smiled.

Dean didn't return the smile as he looked at Castiel, completely silent for a moment. "... Okay," he finally said, and pressed a kiss to Castiel's forehead.

Castiel's smile faded, being hit with guilt. "Okay." he replied softly, lowering his head down. He had thought that Dean would have been pleased to know that he hadn't hurt Castiel while having sex again.

"Hey know... What's with that look?" Dean asked, and reached up to pet Castiel's hair.

"I thought you would be pleased to know that you didn't injure me." Castiel replied softly.

Dean frowned. "... Being sore is better than being in pain, but I... I don't want you to wake up feeling anything but happy. Sex is supposed to be good and satisfying, not make you feel sore for so long..."

"But I am happy, Dean." Castiel replied. "I'm very satisfied, and very happy. I love being so intimate with you, and the ache is a nice reminder that I am yours completely, and that you are mine."

Dean listened to him quietly, then nodded slowly. "Alright, if you say so, Cas."

Castiel sighed softly. "Have you ever had sex with a girl, Dean?" he asked softly.

"... What does that have to do with anything?" Dean furrowed his brows.

"I'm asking, because the experiences are different. I may be gay, and I may have been a virgin until you, but I'm not ignorant. Women's bodies are designed to handle being penetrated. Mine isn't. There is going to be some aching because my body isn't built for that. But I don't care, I enjoy the feeling. If I didn't, I wouldn't enjoy bottoming as much as I do."

Dean frowned and closed his eyes, not really knowing what to say to that.

Castiel rubbed his back softly. "I love having sex with you, Dean. I really do." he murmured, kissing Dean's cheek.

Dean tried to smile, but it fell quickly. He felt like a jerk, not having read more about this and having taken this away from Castiel when he so obviously wanted it.

Castiel bit his lip. "Do you...do you not enjoy it?" he asked quietly.

Dean sighed. "That's not it. I do enjoy it. I just don't like hurting you," he mumbled.

Castiel cupped Dean's cheek against his palm. "I'm not hurt." he replied softly. "I am happy, and satisfied, and so pleased that I have someone to wake up to in the morning, someone who can see my scars and ignore them like they aren't there. I hurt Dean, on a regular basis, but you help me fight my demons. You never hurt me. You help me."

Dean ducked his head away from Castiel's hand, and moved lower to bury his face into Castiel's neck while holding the other tightly.

Castiel pet Dean's hair gently. "Can I tell you something?" he asked quietly. "Something I haven't wanted to tell you before, because I didn't want to scare you?"

"I don't know what it is, so you'll have to decide if you can tell me or not..." Dean mumbled.

Castiel sighed. "The day you came and sat next to me, the first day we started to talk....I was planning another suicide attempt that night." he admitted softly. "But I didn't go through with it, because you had given me hope for the first time in years. You've never hurt me Dean. But since day one, you've stopped me from hurting myself."

Dean stopped breathing for a few moments, then took a shaky breath. Again, he didn't know what to say, especially not as he thought of when Castiel actually had hurt himself in Dean's presence. Dean didn't stop him from doing it then, and the thought that Castiel might not have been there anymore if something had gone differently didn’t comfort him at all.

Castiel held Dean tightly, rubbing his back. "I love you," he whispered, kissing the top of his head softly.

"I love you too..." Dean replied quietly, keeping absolutely still, as if afraid that something would happen if he moved.

Castiel started to hum "Hey Jude," softly, knowing that it relaxed his boyfriend, at least a little.

Dean soon started to relax as he listened to Castiel's humming, and nuzzled his neck. Castiel smiled softly, running his fingers lightly over Dean's side as he continued to hum, content to spend the entire Sunday like this.

Eventually Dean let out a soft sigh, and started to press lazy, open mouthed kisses on Castiel's neck. Castiel shivered and tilted his head back, encouraging the kisses. His song changed to "Carry On My Wayward Son." Dean made a soft noise, and continued to kiss Castiel's neck while listening to his humming.

Castiel's eyes closed as his fingers traced over the muscles in Dean's back, becoming more defined the more he worked with cars. "Can I draw you again?" he asked softly.

"Mmh... Sure. If I can get some coffee or something first. Else I'll be as useful as a blob," Dean murmured into Castiel's neck.

Castiel chuckled. "How about I make a nice breakfast for the both of us?" he offered. "Bacon and eggs and toast sound good?"

Dean pulled away slightly to look at him. "You sure? I could make breakfast if you want to stay in bed for a while..."

"You made breakfast yesterday," he pointed out, kissing his lips. "You stay and relax, I'll take care of it." he kisses Dean one more time before getting out of bed, stretching.

Dean hummed softly and watched Castiel with half closed eyes. "All right... Shout if you need me."

"I will," Castiel smiled, pulling on a pair of boxers and grabbing one of Dean's shirts, pulling it on before heading downstairs. Dean rolled onto his stomach and buried his face into the pillows. He closed his eyes and dozed off into a light sleep.

When Castiel finished preparing the food and coffee, he went back upstairs, opening the door and shaking Dean's shoulder lightly before pressing light kisses to the back of his neck.

Dean made a noise of protest, but did turn his head to blink sleepily at Castiel. "... You look good in my clothes," he mumbled.

Castiel smiled, his cheeks pink. "Your clothes are quite comfortable." he replied, kissing his lips. "Breakfast is ready."

"Mmkay." Dean returned the kiss, before moving to sit up, and stretched slightly before getting out of bed to get dressed.

Castiel's eyes trailed over Dean's body as he stretched, and he teasingly groped Dean's ass as he bent over to grab his jeans, walking out of the room. Dean blushed and quickly straightened up. "... What's so good about my ass?" he mumbled mostly to himself as he put on the jeans and a t-shirt, not bothering with socks as he went to join Castiel.

Castiel was serving the plates, handing Dean his with a smile. There was a cup of coffee waiting for Dean on the table. Dean smiled and gave Castiel a soft kiss on the cheek, and leaned down to playfully pinch his thigh before sitting down by the table. Castiel jumped and gave Dean a playful smile, sitting down next to him and praying before he began to eat. About halfway through the meal, Castiel slid his hand under Dean's pants, squeezing his ass gently.

Dean felt his cheeks grow warm. "Should I leave you and my ass alone for a moment? Let you have some privacy?" he asked jokingly, raising a brow.

Castiel just smiled sweetly, his own cheeks pink as he squeezed again. "I don't know what it is you speak of."

"You have the face of a guy that know exactly what I'm talking about. Someone who wants something." Dean draped an arm over the back of Castiel's chair.

Castiel took a bite of bacon, before he schooled his face into a quizzical look, tilting his head as he always did when confused, his hand still down Dean's pants. Dean continued to look at him, not willing to back down just yet or let himself get fooled. Though, he did think Castiel looked quite cute when he was confused, even if said confusion was fake. Castiel maintained eye contact in that unnerving way of his, his poker face almost perfect, if not for the hand gently fondling Dean's ass, having now slid underneath his boxers.

Dean's cheeks turned redder, and he knitted his brows together. "... Are you just testing me or is there actually something you want from me?"

Castiel's face broke into a smile and he pecked Dean's lips. "I may just have a fascination with your ass." he admitted, withdrawing his hand. "I was attempting to be playful."

"... By putting your hand down my boxers? Honestly..." Dean rolled his eyes, but leaned closer to give Castiel a soft kiss. "It's a good thing I love you."

Castiel smiled softly into the kiss before pulling away. "...Was that all right?" he asked, brow furrowing slightly.

Dean chuckled softly. "Just don't stick your hands down my pants in front of people, and we're good."

"I wouldn't." Castiel replied, giving Dean a soft smile. "But we were here alone, and I just wanted to try to be playful. I'm still trying to figure out how to flirt."

"You've got me hooked even if you don't flirt with me." Dean kissed Castiel's cheek, then moved to softly whisper in his ear. "Though... I'd gladly be your test subject for any further experiments." He pulled away with a wink.

Castiel flushed, shivering slightly. "How do you do that? Be so charismatic." Castiel asked.

Dean shrugged. "Take it easy, get close, and say something that relates to the conversation. Though, sometimes... It's better to not even try."

Castiel shook his head. "It's...very hard for me to be so casual." he replied. "I'm comfortable around you enough to be so occasionally, but still," he sighed. 

"Like I said. I'm hooked anyway." Dean smiled, and wrapped his arm around Castiel's shoulder, pulling him closer.

Castiel smiled softly and leaned into Dean. "I'm glad. Now I don't have to change my makeup daily to get you to look at me." he tried to joke.

Dean faked a gasp. "Oh, girlfriend, you looked so natural. Are you telling me this isn't your natural look?"

"I apologize, it is not." Castiel gave him a sly smile.

"Aw man. No wonder I felt the taste of foundation." Dean chuckled.

Castiel smiled and kissed his jaw gently. "So, what are we going to do today? Obviously we have homework tonight, but that would be after dinner."

"Mmh... I don't know. Bobby should be coming home in the afternoon, or at least around dinner time or something." Dean hummed as he worked on polishing off his plate. "Dunno when Sam's decided to come back. But I bet we have a while... I could check up on Baby, but I feel a bit lazy today."

Castiel nodded. "I'm feeling the lazy day as well...maybe we could just watch a movie and cuddle on the couch for now?"

"Sounds perfect... Mh. When I think of it... I think Dr. Sexy might be on." Dean looked thoughtfully at his empty plate.

Castiel chuckled. "I'm almost jealous of Dr. Sexy. He steals my boyfriend from me at least once a week."

Dean stuck out his tongue. "If anything, be jealous of the couch. Because I don't think anything else has gotten a bigger piece of my ass than that couch."

Castiel stuck his tongue out at Dean in return. "I dunno, I think Baby's driver's seat wins on that one."

"Ooooh... Yeah. That is true." Dean grinned. "I have spent a lot of time behind the wheel since I got her."

"Sometimes I wonder who you love more, Me, Sam, or Baby." Castiel teased, kissing him to show he meant no harm by the statement before standing to clear their plates.

Dean pursed his lips as he watched Castiel. "Well... I wouldn't have sex with Sammy, and Baby might be sexy but I'm not a fan of sticking my dick in places it doesn't belong... So... It's probably you."

Castiel blushed, but had a happy, genuine smile on his face as he washed the dishes. Dean got up and moved to stand behind Castiel, arms wrapping around his waist. He rested his chin on Castiel's shoulder as he watched him work.

Castiel leaned his head against Dean's as he finished cleaning the dishes. "I love you," he murmured, pecking Dean's cheek.

"I love you too, Cas," Dean replied softly, gently squeezing Castiel. "... Hey, didn't you want to draw me?"

Castiel nodded. "I can do that while you're watching Dr. Sexy," he suggested.

"Mmkay. Though, I do get to keep my underwear on, right?" Dean kissed Castiel's neck.

Castiel chuckled. "If you'd prefer. I'd like to do you shirtless though, last time you weren't as muscled."

"Really...? But it wasn't that long after I had to quit football... Was it?"

"Your ribs were broken, Dean." he reminded him. "And you've built up again."

Dean pursed his lips. "I just don't really feel different, that's all."

"Well, how about I draw you, and we compare the drawings?" Castiel suggested.

Dean shrugged slightly. "I suppose we could..."

Castiel turned in Dean's arms, wrapping his arms around the other before kissing him, slowly and softly, sucking on his bottom lip.¨Dean sighed contentedly at the kiss, and kept his arms wrapped around Castiel's waist. He kissed back gently, and ran a hand over Castiel's back.

Castiel pulled away with a nip a few moments later. "I'll meet you in the living room." he smiled.

Dean huffed softly, not really wanting to stop the kissing, before stealing a quick kiss and freeing Castiel from his hold. "Alright." 

Castiel smiled and went upstairs to fetch his supplies.


	34. Acceptance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILERS ******
> 
> ****Castiel draws Dean while he relaxes and watches Dr. Sexy, teasing his boyfriend when he grows aroused from it. The two start getting heated, but are interrupted by Sam. Afterwards, Castiel asks Dean to take him to check his mail, where a letter from the California Institute of Arts is waiting for him. It's not only an acceptance letter, but a full ride scholarship. Castiel is ecstatic, but also sad. Now, he has to leave the Winchesters at the end of the summer, and neither Castiel nor Dean are sure how they feel about that.** **
> 
> ******TRIGGER WARNINGS**  
>  An almost panic attack** **

Dean went to the living room and stripped down to his underwear, then waited for Castiel.

Castiel came back downstairs, his sketchbook and set of pencils in hand. "Ready?" he smiled, eyes looking over Dean's body.

"Yeah, I suppose... What should I do?" Dean looked at his boyfriend, not really knowing how he should pose.

"Get comfortable, turn on Dr. Sexy." he smiled.

"Okay..." Dean turned the TV on before he made himself comfortable on the couch, stretching his legs out. Castiel waited until Dean had settled down before he started to draw. Dean tried to stay as still as possible to make it easier for Castiel.

Castiel continued to draw, chuckling slightly. "I'm getting jealous." he glanced at Dean's crotch as he watched Dr. Sexy.

"Mmh... There's nothing to be jealous of, though," Dean replied.

"You're clearly aroused while watching Dr. Sexy." Castiel replied. He finished the outline of the sketch before settling it aside, shifting onto the couch to lay on top of Dean.

Dean blushed, and wrapped his arms around Castiel. "Well... He's hot, you're hot, and you were staring at me."

Castiel blushed, pressing kisses to Dean's neck. "Do I need to help you with that then?" he murmured.

"There's no need to." Dean slowly ran a hand up and down Castiel's back.

"Mmm." Castiel murmured, pressing open mouthed kisses to Dean's neck and jaw, cuddling close. Dean tried to go back to watching Dr. Sexy, but Castiel was very distracting. His imagination ran wild, and he swallowed nervously as he felt himself grow harder. Castiel smirked, feeling Dean press into his hip. He kissed at Dean's ear, breathing softly into it. Dean closed his eyes and bit into his lip, his hands fisting the shirt that Castiel was wearing. Castiel smiled and sucked on his ear before blowing again.

Dean squirmed slightly under Castiel. "Christ..."

"Don't blasphemize." Castiel murmured, kissing down Dean's jaw.

"Mmh... What should I say instead?" Dean asked, tilting his head back and baring his throat.

"My name," Castiel purred, latching onto Dean's neck and sucking a mark.

Dean actually whined softly and tried not to buck his hips. "Fuck. Okay." 

Castiel slid his hands underneath Dean's underwear, grabbing his ass and pressing their hips together as he leaned up to kiss Dean passionately on the lips.

"Oh god, guys, really?" Sam asked as he walked into the door, bearing marks of his own on his neck. "On the couch?"

Castiel's head shot up, his cheeks red as he looked at Sam

Dean cursed under his breath and tried to cover his face with his hands. "Uh- Hey Sam. You're home early..."

"Jess had to take her cat to the vet, so they dropped me off. God, I need brain bleach." Sam walked off.

Castiel removed his hands from Dean's boxers, blushing furiously. "Um..." he shifted awkwardly.

Dean cleared his throat awkwardly. "... At least I made the right choice to keep my underwear on," he mumbled.

"Yeah..." Castiel flushed. "Um...You may want to put your clothes back on."

"Yeah... And I think a bathroom visit might be a good idea." Dean carefully moved away from Castiel and got off the couch to get dressed.

Castiel flushed, grabbing his sketchbook and supplies. "Um...I'll wait here." he murmured. 

Dean nodded, before grabbing his clothes and awkwardly making his way to the bathroom, trying to discreetly hide his crotch.

Sam came back in once Dean had left. "You guys have an unsuitable libido." he commented.

"I was drawing him while he watched Dr. sexy."

"Ah."

Dean took his time in the bathroom, freshening up as much as he could before heading back to the living room. 

Sam chuckled. "Have a good time with your right hand?"

Dean huffed. "Could've been better. And you better not have let that cat sleep on your clothes..."

"It may have, I dunno. I was sufficiently distracted."

"... I see. Still. Any trace of cat hair needs to be gone before you put those clothes in the wash."

"Why? It's no big deal, you aren't even allergic."

"Ugh. I just don't want hair all over my clothes. You know that shit gets everywhere."

Sam rolled his eyes. "Fiiinnnee." he moaned, sprawled over Bobby's armchair. Castiel chuckled, the bulge in his own pants gone. He was working on the sketch of Dean he had started earlier.

Dean huffed and ran a hand over his hair. He turned his focus to Castiel. "How's it going with the drawing?"

"It's coming along nicely. I got the contour lines done, so I'm just thickening them and shading." he replied, hand moving across the paper. Dean's profile was facing something out of view, his torso clearly visible as well as the slight bulge of his crotch through his boxers. As Sam was glancing over, he had omitted the scars from Dean's thighs, although he would normally draw them.

Dean stepped closer to take a look himself. "Damn, Cas... You're so good at it. I can't even draw stick figures."

Castiel flushed. "It's just practice." he replied. "Years of practice."

Dean kissed the top of his boyfriend's head. "Still, it's amazing. If you don't get accepted by that college, I'll be shocked."

Castiel smiled up at him. "I should be getting a letter any day now." Castiel had opened a PO box, so he wouldn't have to risk heading to his house to get his mail.

Dean returned the smile. "That's awesome."

"I'm just nervous. Some of the things in my portfolio were dark." he murmured.

"So? Some people love that stuff." Dean tilted his head. "Then again, I don't know much about art..."

"It's just, when I think about it, it was risky. But those pieces were some of my best, so I couldn't not send them in..." Castiel fretted. "Can you take me to check my box, actually? We didn't check it yesterday..." he was clearly growing more anxious about the subject.

"Cas. Unless you glorified Hitler, I doubt they're going to judge you in that kind of way... And before I take you anywhere, you need to relax, okay?" Dean frowned, not liking it when Castiel was like this.

Castiel took a deep breath. "I'm sorry..." he murmured, leaning back and closing his eyes, taking slow, steady breaths.

"Don't be, I just don't want you working yourself up like that..." Dean gently squeezed Castiel's shoulder. "Want some water?"

Castiel nodded slowly, continuing to try to calm himself down. "My anxiety medication would be nice too..." he murmured.

"Okay, got it." Dean gave Castiel's shoulder another squeeze before heading off to fetch the medication and the water. He came back moments later, handing both items to Castiel.

Castiel downed the pill with the water, letting out another deep breath. "Thank you." he offered Dean a shaky smile. He hated driving himself into that state, but sometimes his brain wouldn't let him do anything else.

"It's nothing, Cas," Dean murmured and leaned down to give Castiel a soft kiss on the lips.  
Castiel returned the soft kiss, pulling Dean in a little more as he calmed further with the press of Dean's lips against his own.

Dean lifted his hand to gently pet his boyfriend's hair, and continued to kiss him, slowly and gently. Castiel's breath was calming own, and his muscles relaxed under Dean's attentions. Sam didn't even make a comment. He knew how much Dean helped Castiel when he was heading towards a panic attack, and didn't want to interrupt them. He turned his attention to the television instead.

"That's good, Cas..." Dean whispered against Castiel's lips. He had in all honesty forgotten about his brother, his mind filled only with Castiel at that moment.

Castiel just sighed softly into Dean's mouth, kissing him for another few moments before pulling away slightly, calmed down completely. "Thank you." he gave Dean a soft smile.

"Anything for you," Dean replied, and smiled back, gently caressing Castiel's cheek. Castiel leaned into the touch, as he always did, like he was afraid it would turn into something different, so he would enjoy it while he could.

Dean kept caressing Castiel's cheek for a while, then kissed his forehead and pulled away. "You still wanna go, or should we wait until tomorrow?"

Castiel nodded. "Let's go, I have a feeling about today." he replied, standing up. "Let me get better dressed." or, grab his trench coat, which was unsaid.

Dean nodded. "All right, Cas. You okay with being alone for a bit, Sam?" He turned to his brother.

"I'm good, I won’t burn down the house. I have some homework to do anyways." Sam stretched out.

Castiel came downstairs a bit later, still wearing Dean's AC/DC shirt under his trench coat. It was big on him, but under the coat it almost looked like it fit.

"All right. Call if anything happens and yeah... Y'know the drill." Dean went and grabbed his jacket and the keys. He smiled at Castiel. "Ready?"

"Yes," Castiel smiled, grabbing his own set of keys before heading outside, waiting for Dean to unlock the Impala before he slid into the passenger's seat. He was a little more sedated than usual, but mainly because of the medication he had taken.

Dean didn't really worry. A calm Castiel was much better than a freaked out Castiel. He got into the driver's seat, started the car, and started driving. He really hoped that if Castiel had gotten the letter, that it would be an acceptance letter. Castiel cuddled close as they drove. As they approached the post office he started to get a little more twitchy, his anxiety starting up again, but not nearly as bad as before.

When they reached the post office and they had parked, Dean took a moment to wrap an arm around Castiel and just hold him close, in an attempt to comfort him. Castiel leaned into the touch for a few moments, grateful for it, before he took a deep breath and got out of the car, hands shaking slightly as he went to his box and opened it. Dean also got out of the car, but he stayed outside, enjoying the fresh air as he waited for Castiel to come back outside with his mail. He crossed his fingers, hoping that the letter was bringing good news if it had arrived.

There were a few things inside that he leafed through; junk mail, a bill, and then Castiel’s eyes widened, his hands shaking a little more. It was a letter from the Institute of Arts. It was thick, a good sign, but Castiel was still extremely nervous.

Castiel came back outside, his hands shaking. "Dean...there's a letter...I haven't opened it yet..." Castiel told him, clearly shaking. 

Dean nodded slowly, looking at Castiel. "You wanna take it back to Bobby's and open it, or do you want to sit in the car and do it?" he asked softly.

"Car..." Castiel replied, getting into the passenger's seat. He took a deep breath once Dean was in the car as well, and opened the letter, pulling out the thick interior.

The cover letter was an acceptance letter.

Castiel managed to read the first sentence out loud before he started to cry, so happy and unable to talk anymore, a large smile on his face.

Dean smiled brightly, and wrapped his arms around Castiel. "See? I told you they would accept you!" He peppered Castiel's face with kisses, ignoring the tears. He was happy for his boyfriend. "Great job, Cas."

Castiel hugged Dean back tightly, letting out a joyful sob into his shoulder. "I can't believe it...I'm in. I've been given a full ride..."

"Well you better start to believe it, because it really is happening." Dean rubbed his hand over Castiel's back slowly.

Castiel just nodded into Dean's shoulder. "A full ride...Dean, they gave me a full ride. I was good enough for that...." he still was having trouble wrapping his head around it. He had been hoping for a partial scholarship at best, but the full ride was amazing.

"You deserve it, Cas. You're amazing. They would've been stupid if they had denied you. You're kind, hard working and talented. You'll go far, because you're so much more than just 'good enough'..." Dean murmured, not knowing if Castiel was listening or not.

Castiel tightened his grip slightly around Dean. "I love you," he whispered. "And the only thing I dislike right now is it means I'm leaving at the end of the summer..."

Dean's chest tightened, and it was almost hard to breathe. "I love you too Cas... And it'll be easy when you get settled and start your classes... When you get busy and stuff."

Castiel swallowed hard. "I wish I could ask you to come, but I know you can't..." he murmured softly. "God… I saw this as my way out of hell, but I don't know if I'll lose my Heaven on Earth in the process..."

"You'll do great, Cas. With or without me. I believed in you, and so does everyone else. And distance never did kill anybody. It's not fun, but we'll manage..." Dean kissed the top of Castiel's head.

Castiel nodded. "It helps when I have a boyfriend with a car and an affinity for long drives in her," he tried to laugh. "You'll come visit, right? And bring Sam too, of course."

Dean smiled faintly. "As often as school and work and whatever allows... We'll do our best to visit you. "

Castiel nodded, holding Dean tightly, not wanting to let him go. He was simultaneously so happy, and upset. 

"It's all gonna be okay..." Dean knew it was going to be tough, but he was sure they'd be fine. At least, he hoped so.

Castiel nodded, finally pulling slightly away, but not very far. He started looking through the rest of the paperwork, leaning against Dean. Dean kept one arm around Castiel, draping the other over the back of the seat, and let Castiel look at the papers in peace. Castiel was smiling as he read, his face lit up in a way it hadn't been since he and Dean had started dating. Dean watched him quietly, not entirely sure what to feel. He was happy for Castiel, he really was, but at the same time he felt like someone had dropped another weight on his shoulders.

Castiel finished reading the paperwork, and turned to look at Dean, leaning up to kiss him on the lips. Dean met him halfway, pressing their lips together in a gentle kiss.

Castiel relaxed into the kiss, just enjoying the contact he had with the other. "Now if we could just settle the Alistair situation, I may have to stop going to therapy so often." he tried to joke.

Dean didn't really find it funny, but smiled slightly anyway. "Yeah... It'd be good to get rid of him," he mumbled.

"I spoke with our lawyer the other day. Apparently, Alistair has been missing from his house, Uriel too, since the day I was stabbed." he murmured.

"Mmh. Maybe they ran? If I were them, I would've ran off long ago." Dean sighed. "Though, if they didn't, then... Well. We better be careful when we're out."

Castiel nodded. "We should really only be out of Bobby's house in pairs." he replied. "Especially you, Dean." he still had nightmares about Dean getting raped while he watched.

Dean sighed again, then shrugged. "If the circumstances were different, I would've dropped out of school. I can't do much about it... And nothing's happened so far. I'm starting to think it was all talk."

Castiel wasn't so sure, but he stayed quiet. "Let's go home, tell Sam the news." he suggested, leaning his head on Dean's shoulder.

"All right. He'll be happy to hear about it." Dean smiled as he carefully shifted. He started the car, and started the drive back to Bobby's.

Castiel rubbed Dean's thigh softly as they drove, humming along to the music playing on the radio. Dean really enjoyed moments like this. Driving his car with Castiel by his side.

They didn't say much during the ride back. Dean parked the car, and they both got out and headed into the house.

Sam was sitting at the table, his books spread out. He looked up when the couple walked in. "Well?"

"I got in." Castiel grinned. "A full ride."

"Dude, that's awesome! Congrats, Cas." Sam grinned. "You deserve it, you're really good."

Castiel blushed slightly. "Thank you."

Dean kissed Castiel's cheek and gently squeezed his shoulder. "Told you he'd be happy."

Castiel smiled happily, glad to be with the two boys he really considered his family. "I'm going to make lunch, what do you guys want?"

Sam shrugged. "Anything sounds good to me."

"Anything you feel like making," Dean said. "Everything you make is good, so..."

Castiel chuckled, and wandered off to the kitchen (which was much better stocked than before since Castiel had basically moved in) to make lunch.


	35. Roadhouse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILERS**
> 
> Dean recieves a call that Naomi will be interviewing Sam the next day. He's stessed about it, so Sam decides they should all go to the Roadhouse to relax and have fun. Castiel meets Ellen and Ash for the first time, and while he likes Ellen, isn't sure what to think of Ash. After dinner, the three boys decide to play pool, where some rowdy guys harass Castiel and cause a panic attack and a fight. After Castiel calms down, they go home, where they do their best to relax and prepare for the next day.
> 
>  **TRIGGER WARNINGS**  
>  Massive panic attack, sexual harassment, use of slurs, physical violence and bruises

The next week, Dean received a phone call from Naomi, informing him that she would be coming by the next day to speak with Sam. Dean almost groaned into the phone when he had heard the woman’s voice. He kept the call short, then went to speak with Sam to tell him about Naomi coming over. Dealing with Naomi was the last thing he wanted to do, but they had no choice.

Sam nodded when Dean informed him. "You've done nothing wrong, Dean. Don't worry."

Castiel shifted slightly. "Should I stay out of the way, or do you what me to be there?" he asked, uncertain which option would be easier on Dean.

Dean sighed. "She probably doesn't want me around either while she speaks to Sam... We'll have to keep ourselves upstairs or something, I bet... I'm just worried she's going to twist everything that's said and fuck everyhing up."

Sam smiled. "One sec." he disappeared into his room for a moment before coming out, a small audio recorder in his hand. "I'll have this on the whole time, so we can have proof of what has been said if she tries to twist it."

Dean couldn't help but stare at his brother. Then he smiled widely. "Damn, Sammy. That's genius."

Sam just smiled cheekily. "I know." he replied.

Castiel just looked confused. "Isn't that illegal?"

"Isn't twisting my case because my brother is dating another guy illegal?"

"You make a valid point."

"I can already see the lawyer in you, Sammy," Dean said and chuckled.

Sam smiled. "Everything will be fine, Dean. I'm not going anywhere."

Castiel nodded. "It will be fine, Dean. Sam will do wonderfully. He already debates extremely well."

Dean crossed his arms. "Sammy's my one and only brother. I can't help but worry."

Sam gave Dean a soft smile. "You look like Mom right now..." he murmured softly. Sam had been four when she had died, so he had faint memories of her.

Dean's eyes turned glassy at the mention of their mother, and he looked down for a moment before looking back up. "... Well, she was a tough lady, and I'm a tough guy."

"So tough, you make Cas be the one to take it up the ass." Sam teased, trying to break the emotion he had caused. Castiel flushed a bright red.

Dean groaned and hid his face in his hands. "Honestly, Sammy... What's it with you and Jess and my and Cas' privates? You wanna have a foursome or something?"

"While I'm not sure if Jess would object to that, gross. You're my brother." he made a face.

"And still that doesn't keep you from thinking about my dick." Dean smirked. "How naughty of you, Sammy."

"It's the quickest way to get to you, what can I say?" Sam shrugged. "And you didn't have a problem telling me about your hookups when they were female."

Dean's smirk fell, and he huffed softly. "Cas doesn't want to talk about our sex life, so... I'm not going to. And there's a difference between hookups and a relationship." 

Sam nodded. "True."

Castiel had remained quiet the entire time, his cheeks a bright red, although he looked relieved when Dean said he didn't talk about their sex life.

Dean smiled. "Good. Now, let's hope for the best tomorrow... Hopefully she won't try to pull any tricks on you".

Sam nodded, taking a deep breath. "I think I'll be okay. I can hold my own."

"Yeah... If not, we'll find a way. There's always a way." Dean patted Sam gently on the chest.

Sam nodded. "Always. Cmon, I'm hungry, can we go to the Roadhouse for dinner?"

Dean smiled. "Sure. What do you say, Cas? You feeling up for it?"

Castiel nodded. "It's always nice to enjoy one of Ellen's burgers." he smiled.

"Okay then. Get your asses moving and let's get going." Dean grinned and went to get his car keys. Sam grinned and dashed upstairs. Castiel went up as well, pulling on his trench coat and heading back downstairs.

Dean pulled on his jacket, and waited for both of them to come back down before he headed out to the car. Castiel followed, and Sam bolted for the passenger side. "Shotgun!"

"I don't understand..." Castiel replied, confused. He tended to ride in the front seat whenever all three of them rode together.

Dean laughed softly. "Sorry, Cas... Sam got dibs on the passenger seat this time, it seems. What a kid. Will you be okay in the backseat? I'll make it up to you later."

"I'll be fine, but what is shotgun?" he asked.

Dean blinked. "Well, it's a gun... It's also slang for riding in the front passenger seat."

"I knew it was a gun, I didn't know the slang," Castiel replied, getting into the backseat.

"Sorry Cas, but I didn't want to vomit from watching you two be all cuddly." Sam looked over his shoulder at Castiel. “Sometimes you too are so sweet it makes me gag.”

"As if you're one to talk, Sammy. You and Jess sometimes..." Dean shook his head as he got into the car. He made sure they were all settled, before starting the car and drove off.

"You two are in some perpetual honeymoon phase. It's like watching a car wreck."

"We're just good at keeping our arguments private." Castiel replied.

Dean nodded. "Cas is hot when he's mad. Wanna keep that all to myself," he joked, though he wouldn't deny that Castiel was indeed kinda hot when he got angry. Also very intimidating.

"I would never want to be around for the make up sex," Sam replied. "You two are insatiable."

"Well, no harm in that... I don't see a problem." Dean shrugged. Sam gagged dramatically. Castiel blushed, and looked out the window.

Dean huffed and swatted at Sam's arm. "You child."

Sam just grinned. "I'm fifteen, do you expect much else?"

"I guess not." Dean resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "Once the baby brother, always the baby brother."

Sam rolled his eyes in return. "How do you deal with him Cas?" Sam asked.

"He's pretty." Castiel replied, a smirk on his face. "And his ass is great."

"... And here I thought I'd found a man that saw me as more than just a chunk of tasty meat." Dean raised a brow, slightly amused.

Castiel smiled sweetly. "You have. I was just answering the question as to how I can deal with you sometimes."

Dean pursed his lips. "Is this you telling me that you pull some kind of 'staring at my girlfriend's boobs while pretending to listen' moments, only you stare at my ass?"

"Not always your ass. I stare at your groin sometimes too." Castiel replied, a cheeky smile on his face. Sam was laughing.

"Dude. I'm so putting my cold feet on your calves tonight. Man, it's a good thing I love you." Dean huffed.

"I love you too." Castiel leaned over the seat to kiss Dean's cheek.

"Ah, oh- Sit down properly or I'll... Something." Dean really didn't want anything to happen to Cas. Not even a bloody nose.

Castiel settled back down in his seat, giving Dean a smile. "I'm all right." he replied.

Sam chuckled. "Oh god, I can't wait to have one of Ellen's burgers."

"Good, and good. Because we're basically there now," Dean said, and as promised, they were soon parked outside of the Roadhouse.

Sam grinned, and got out of the car, heading inside to greet Ellen and Jo. Castiel got out as well. "This looks like an interesting place. I don't think I've ever actually been inside before."

"Well, I have a feeling this isn't a place where you'd go on your own. It is nice, though." Dean smiled, and placed a hand on Castiel's back as they walked inside.

"Hello boys," Ellen greeted as she saw them, standing right beside Sam and Jo.

"Hi Ellen, good to see you." Dean grinned.

"Dean, you get uglier every day," Jo laughed, moving to give the other a hug. "Mom, this is Castiel, Dean's boyfriend."

Dean huffed as he returned the hug. "No wonder you don't have a boyfriend, Jo."

Jo chuckled, punching Dean's shoulder. "Hey, I could get any guy, anywhere." she teased.

Dean snorted. "As if. Need to clean your mouth with soap first."

Ellen looked Castiel over. "Huh. I was expecting someone taller. You're a bit skinnier than I thought, too. Gotta work on that, kid." She held out her hand. "I'm Ellen, just in case you missed that."

Castiel returned the handshake, his eyes on hers. "It is a pleasure to meet you, Ellen. I've heard many good things about your burgers. And I do apologize for my physical state, Dean seems to like it."

Ellen stilled, her eyes narrowing. She was clearly unhappy with the last piece of information Castiel had given her. "... Pleasure to meet you too, Castiel. I do hope the burgers are as good as you think they'll be."

Castiel just looked confused at her look, but nodded politely.

"Joanna. Will you be eating with the boys?" Ellen asked.

"Yeah, I'll call this my lunch." she replied. "And fuck you too, Dean."

Sam went into the restaurant and found their regular booth. "C’mon guys!" he called after them.

Dean just laughed at Jo, but stopped abruptly at the look that Ellen gave him. Puzzled, he went to join Sam at the booth with Jo and Castiel. Ellen watched them, then headed into the kitchen.

"... Did I do something?" Dean asked Jo as he sat down.

"I dunno." Jo replied, looking after her mom. "She knew about you and Castiel, so I'm not sure."  
She slid to sit next to Sam, so Castiel and Dean could sit together.

Dean shrugged slightly as he sat down. "I guess we'll find out sooner or later."

Castiel sat down next to Dean, lacing their fingers together as they got settled.

"So Castiel, how have you been? You haven't been at school lately." Jo asked.

"I've been relatively okay." Castiel replied. "Uriel tried to kill me, so it's safer for me to be at Bobby's until he and Alistair are caught."

Jo's eyes widened. "Wait, what?"

"Yeah... I didn't really feel like telling anyone about it at school. Who knows what kind of crap would spread from it..." Dean gently squeezed Castiel's hand.

Jo nodded. "Holy shit.... what did he do?" she asked, her face concerned.

"I had gone out for a walk to clear my head after an argument, and he, Alistair, and a third person cornered me in an alley. Uriel stabbed me three times in the stomach." Castiel replied, his voice quite calm despite what he was speaking about.

Dean couldn't help but feel happy that his friend was openly showing concern about Castiel's well being.

Jo shook her head. "That's atrocious." she replied.

Sam nodded. "There's been a lot of shit going down lately, but we decided we needed a break and came here. So let's stop dwelling on it, shall we?"

"Yeah... Hey, Jo, where are you keeping that weirdo that usually hangs around here? What's his name again..." Dean glanced around.

"Ash?" she chuckled. "He's probably getting wasted in the back."

"Already? Damn. Tell him I said hi, when he decides to join the world of the living again..."

"Will do. And Dean, when is he ever NOT wasted?" she pointed out.

"Well... On the Ash scale... There's sober-wasted, and wasted-wasted," Dean said.

Moments later, Ellen came to the table with their food. "Here you go, kids. Eat while it's still warm."

Castiel gave her a smile. "Thank you," he murmured. Sam thanked Ellen as well.

Jo looked confused when neither Winchester boy immediately dug into the food. "Is there something wrong?" she asked.

"Nothing's wrong. Cas always prays before eating," Dean explained quietly.

Ellen left the group alone, and went to the bar where she could keep an eye on them and everyone else.

Jo's eyes widened in understanding, her lips parting in a soft "oh."

Castiel finished his prayer, and Samm immediately dug in, letting out a lewd moan. "These are delicious as always!"

Dean rolled his eyes at his brother, but couldn't keep the satisfied look off his face when he also started to eat. "Mmh... They really are."

Castiel smiled. "These make me...very happy." he responded as he ate.

"You know Dean, I never took you as someone who would date someone so dedicated to their religion." Jo commented.

Dean smiled at Castiel, then shrugged slightly as he looked at Jo. "It just happened to be part of the package. He's not forcing it down my throat, so I see no problem with it." He spread his legs, letting his knee bump against Castiel’s.

Castiel smiled, shifting slightly so their sides were touching.

"Yeah, we don't even really notice it much anymore." Sam replied. "It's normal now to wait for Cas to finish his prayers before we eat, and I'm pretty sure last week was the first Sunday we've seen him in a while." he chuckled. "But other than that, I know I don't have an issue with it."

"It's just part of our life now..." Dean looked thoughtful. It really would be weird when Castiel left for college, and there wouldn't be anyone to pray before their meals.

Jo nodded. "Well, Cas, I just...I haven't ever apologized, have I? For how I treated you for a long time?" she asked, looking embarrassed.

Castiel gave her a small smile. "You don't have to apologize." he replied. "I don't blame you. I'm strange, and I repel a lot of people. I just have to thank you for giving me a chance."

Dean smiled slightly, and kept quiet as he continued to eat, letting Jo and Castiel have their moment.

Jo nodded. "I have to admit, I wasn't sure how good you were for Dean. But, now I see you two, and I see how in love Dean is." there was a bit of pain in her voice now. "And I'm glad he has you."

Dean paused, and glanced at Jo. Then Castiel, followed by Sam, and in the end focused his gaze on his plate.

Castiel's eyes widened in understanding; Jo had a crush on Dean. He swallowed and looked down awkwardly. "Um...thank you?"

Sam didn't know what to do. This was an extremely awkward moment, and he couldn't think of anything to defuse the situation.  
Dean almost felt sick. He'd never really seen Jo as anything but a sister, and he thought she saw him as a brother. He really had no idea what to say. Nothing he said would make the situation less awkward.

It was at that moment that Ash decided to show up, a bottle of beer in his hand. "Woah. Dudes. What's with the long faces? Did someone die?" Dean had probably never been happier to see the guy, who for once had a great timing.

"Course not, Ash." Sam replied, grateful for the entrance. "Ash, this is Castiel, Dean's boyfriend." he introduced quickly, trying to get some conversation between Ash and the others started.

Ash looked at Dean and Castiel. "Really? Well... I guess weirder things have happened." He held out his hand to Castiel. "Ash, professional hacker. There's not a single file, computer or network I can't hack into. Nice to meet you."

Castiel returned the handshake. "Nice to meet you. I'm an art student." he replied, unsure what to reply to that. His eyes were trained on Ash's unfocused ones.

"Art student, huh? You don't look very... Art-sy. You're very proper looking... Except for the hair. Your hair's a mess." Ash tried to focus his eyes.

"Don't take anything he says personally... I'm not sure he knows what he's saying half of the time," Dean said.

Castiel nodded slightly. "Appearances can be very deceiving." he replied. "And I am aware that I need a haircut, but Dean prefers it longer."

Ash turned his attention to Dean. "Dude... You make him do whatever you want him to do? That's sick, man." He shook his head and drank from his beer.

Dean was very confused. "... What?"

"I do it of my own free will," Castiel replied quickly. "It's just that Dean has expressed a preference in my hair being longer than it usually is, and I decided to have it a little longer to help him find me aesthetically pleasing. It's similar to how he will skip shaving because I find his stubble attractive."

Ash looked at Castiel, then looked at the ceiling as he thought about what he said. "I see. Sorry, man." He shrugged slightly, not seeming to really care about anything.

"Shouldn't you see if Mom needs your help?" Jo asked.

Sam was staying quiet, finishing his food happily.

Ash shrugged again. "If you want me to leave, just say so. See you later guys," he said as he stumbled his way over to Ellen.

The table was quiet for a few moments. "He's quite a character." Castiel finally spoke.

"Tell me about it." Jo replied.

"It's good thing he has you and Ellen to keep him in line," Dean mumbled.

"Mom. Mom keeps him in line." Jo replied. "Anyways, you guys want dessert? On the house."

"Thanks, but nah, I'm full," Dean said, and looked at Sam and Castiel. "What about you two?"

Castiel shook his head, and Sam did as well. "Naw, your mom's burgers filled us up really well." he smiled.

"Yes, they were extraordinarily good." Castiel smiled.

"No burgers are better than Ellen's." Dean grinned.

Jo chuckled. "Well, you guys are free to hang out here if you want, but I need to get back to work." she gave Sam a hug, shook Castiel's hand, and shifted hesitantly before hugging Dean. "Nothing's different between us," she whispered in his ear.

Dean returned the hug, holding her slightly tighter than usual. "Don't go get yourself in trouble with that mouth of yours," he mumbled.

She nodded. "I'm glad you have him Dean, I am." she murmured before she pulled away, a smile on her face. "See you guys later, be sure to let Mom know when you leave!" she waved and went off to help wait tables.

Dean smiled as he waved, then let his shoulders slump. He turned back to Sam and Castiel. "You guys wanna hang here for longer, or do you wanna head back?"

"I don't have a preference." Castiel replied.

Sam shrugged, and then his eyes lit up. "Hey Cas, have you ever played pool before?"

"I've been swimming, yes."

Dean laughed at that. "Sam's not talking about swimming. He's talking about the game. Sam, why don't you show Cas how to play?"

"All right. You gonna join us or no?" Sam asked, getting up and beckoning Castel towards the pool tables.

"Of course I am. I wouldn't wanna miss this." Dean smiled, getting up with Castiel and went over to the pool tables.

Sam just grinned and retrieved three pool cues, handing one to Castiel and one to Dean. "What do you think? 8-ball?" he asked Dean.

Dean nodded. "Yeah, let's go with that." He pulled a chair closer to pool table, and shrugged off his jacket.

"All right, you set it up while I explain to Cas how to play," Sam instructed, before demonstrating to Castiel how to hold the cue properly and the rules of the game. Dean set up the game and checked to make sure his cue wasn't damaged in any way while he waited for Sam to finish explaining the rules.

Castiel nodded when Sam finished explaining, and then Sam moved to break. 

Castiel was enjoying himself as they played, even though he was clearly a novice, especially compared to Dean. He smiled widely when he managed to sink his first ball.

Dean patted Castiel on the shoulder and congratulated him on that. Every now and then throughout the game, he would lean over and stretch a little too far and pout with his lips, not really aware that he was doing it.

Castiel's eyes trailed over Dean's body whenever he did that, loving the beauty of his boyfriend and wondering how the hell he had managed to be with him.

Castiel was leaning over to attempt a pretty difficult shot when he jumped as a pair of clearly drunk college kids walked by and slapped his ass "Hey, look! It's the faggot from our old high school!" one of them called out, voice slurred.

The other one whistled. "Nice ass! You free tonight?" They laughed.

Dean narrowed his eyes as he turned towards the drunk group. "Even if he was, I know he wouldn't go with the likes of you. So piss off."

"Who put a stick up your ass, Ken doll?" one asked.

"He's a little whore anyways." the first one slurred, pinning Castiel against the pool table, his hands on Cas' hips and his crotch pressed against Castiel's ass. Castiel was struggling, his eyes wide as he clearly started to panic.

Sam moved forwards to try and shove the guy off of Cas, but he was punched in the face.

Dean felt himself snap. Not only were they harrassing his boyfriend, but they punched his brother. He went up behind the first guy, grabbing him by the collar and the waistband of his pants, using all of his strength to yank him off Castiel and throw him to the floor.  
The second guy yelled and threw himself at Dean, both of them toppling to the floor, Dean's face smacking into the chair on the way down.

Sam pulled a panicked Castiel away from the fight breaking out before he went to get Ellen. "Ellen!" he called out. "There's a fight!"

Ellen could be heard cursing loudly, and a moment later she appeared with a shotgun in hand. It was something she always did when there wasn't anything else she could do, and was only meant to threaten and not actually hurt anyone. She stopped the fight before it could get worse, though Dean had already knocked one guy unconscious, and the other had a bloody nose and was badly bruised.

Sam pulled Dean to the side and looked him over quickly. "Go find Cas, he bolted." he murmured when it became apparent that Dean was going to be fine. "He was having an attack, and needed to get away." he himself had a bruised jaw, but he couldn't bring himself to care. Dean's forehead was hurting and would probably swell from when he hit the chair, but he didn't say anything as he nodded and went to look for Castiel, hoping he hadn't ran off too far.

Castiel was outside, curled up on the ground, his back pressed flush against the door to the Impala. There were a few people gathered around, but Castiel would snap whenever one of them tried to get closer. He was trying to hide his head with his hands as he shook.

Dean went to see why people had gathered by his car, and as soon he saw Castiel, he shooed off the other people. He didn't need more strangers in the presence of his boyfriend. He was tired of everyone not knowing to keep to their own damn business, and leave other people alone. "Hey, Cas," Dean said softly when the others had left.

"Dean..." Castiel whimpered, looking up, his face drawn and looking like it was in pain. "Are you all right?" he asked, his voice shaking.

Dean kneeled down in front of Castiel, and nodded slowly. "I'm fine. Are you okay?"

Castiel shook his head, shaking, wanting to ask for Dean to hold him but not having the voice to.

"Mmh... Stupid question, wasn't it...?" Dean wasn't entirely sure if Castiel wanted to be touched, so he was a bit hesitant when he reached out to cup Castiel's face in his hands.

Castiel immediately leaned into the touch, biting his lip as he tried to get his breathing under control. "Triggered..." he finally whispered.

"The anxiety?" Dean asked, wanting to make sure that it was anxiety, and not something else.

Castiel nodded. "When he...when he pinned me....triggered." he whispered.

"Okay... Ellen's talking to them right now, or well... The one who's still conscious. You wanna sit in the car, or will it be too cramped for you?"

Castiel hesitated, before he nodded. "Car is...okay." he decided. He slowly tried to uncurl himself, his eyes locked on Dean's, taking comfort from the touch and presence of his boyfriend. 

Dean let go of Castiel's face to take a gentle hold of his hands. He patiently waited for Castiel to let up from his position, and then helped him to his feet. Opening the door to the back seat, he let Castiel sit down before he joined him.

Castiel immediately curled back up once they were inside, pressing against Dean and burying his face into the other's chest. "I'm sorry...I should have helped you..." he whispered.

Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel and shook his head slowly. "It's fine, Cas. I just wish you would've stayed inside. Don't want you to be alone outside..."

"I wasn't thinking. The Impala is safety to me, but it was locked and I couldn't get in." He mumbled.

Dean buried his fingers in Castiel's hair and kept them there. "I'm sorry I didn't make them go away before it happened..."

"It's not your fault." Castiel murmured, his breathing calming and muscles slowly starting to relax the more he was with Dean. "I'm used to it..."

"You shouldn't be. That's sexual harrassment... I hope Sam tells Ellen what happened so she can give them what they deserve," Dean muttered.

Castiel nodded, letting out a short breath against Dean's neck before he leaned back slightly, glancing up at the other, reaching to gently touch Dean's forehead. "I wish I could just heal you with a touch," he whispered.

Dean shut his eyes tightly at the touch. "It's fine... I've had far worse. This is nothing," he mumbled. "I'm just glad you're here and... Well. Physically okay."

Castiel nodded, burying his face back into Dean's neck. He stayed like that for quite a while.  
Sam had come out to look for the two of them, but when he saw Dean and Castiel curled up in the backseat, he went back inside to spend time with Jo and Ash, giving Castiel time.

Dean just held Castiel in his arms and didn't really want to move, but eventually he had to. They needed to head back to Bobby's before it got too dark. "We should head back," he murmured as he grabbed his phone to text Sam, not wanting to leave Castiel alone in the car to go fetch his brother.

Castiel nodded. "Thank you. I love you." he murmured, his voice hoarse.

Sam came out when he got the text. "Hey, I'll drive if you want." he murmured. Sam had his learners permit, and Dean had been teaching him how to drive the Impala. "So you and Cas don't have to move.

Dean nodded and handed Sam the car keys. "Just be careful," he said. He would've moved so that he could drive, but the adrenaline from the fight had disappeared and his head hurt, so he wasn't sure it was a good idea - and Castiel still needed the comfort, even if he seemed calm.

Sam nodded. "Of course." he replied, sliding into the driver's seat and starting the car, pulling out of the parking spot and heading over to Bobby's. Castiel kept close to Dean the entire ride.

"So, Ellen nearly skinned the guys alive." Sam informed them. "Said they had no business touching one of her boys."

"Good. I was hoping that she'd run them over. Is she mad at me for starting the fight?" Dean asked.

"No, you were defending Castiel." Sam replied. "She got it."

"That's a relief. There are few people who are more scary than Ellen when she's mad..."

"Definitely," Sam replied, slowing down at a stoplight. "She told me to apologize to Cas, and that she hopes you won't stay away because of this."

"I won't." Castiel replied. "It's not her fault."

Dean was quiet for a while, staring out in thin air. "... Y'know what, Cas. Bobby made me promise to teach you how to defend yourself. We should get started on that, now that we're sure that you're all healed up."

Castiel nodded. "That's a good idea." he replied.

Sam nodded. "Dean's a good teacher, Cas." he told the other. "I was bullied for a while, but then Dean taught me how to defend myself, and they left me alone after that."

Dean chuckled slightly. "I honestly think it's more because of your damn knuckles of steel, Sam... But I guess I'm not half bad."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Sam replied, chuckling. They pulled up to Bobby's house a few minutes later. "See? Not a scratch." Sam smiled.

"Good boy, Sammy," Dean said with a smile, and carefully got out of the car, holding his hand out to Castiel.

Castiel took Dean's hand, getting out slowly. His face was still pretty pale, but he held on strongly to Dean's hand. He hadn't had a panic attack this bad for a while, and he was grateful that Dean was there to help him. Dean let Castiel hold his hand as tightly as he liked, as they both headed into the house together with Sam.

Bobby was there, and his brow creased slightly at the sight of them. "What happened to you three?" he asked.

"Some guys got a bit touchy with Cas, Sam tried to help, and I fell on a chair," Dean said as he made Castiel sit on the couch in the living room.

Bobby shook his head. "I told you you need to teach Cas to defend himself, didn't I?"

Dean furrowed his brows. "... I know you did, and I will."

Bobby gave him a look. Castiel leaned back into the couch, but he kept his grip firm around Dean's hand. Dean sat down on the floor and kept his head down as he leaned against Castiel's leg, still holding his boyfriend's hand.

Castiel ran his fingers gently through Dean's hair. "Do you need ice?" he asked softly.

"No, I just wanna sit here for a while..." Dean mumbled, closing his eyes.

"All right." Castiel replied, closing his own eyes as he continued petting Dean's hair. Dean didn't say anything as he tried to relax, and trying not to think of the fact that he'd failed Castiel. Castiel didn't think that Dean had failed him; rather, he felt like he had failed Dean. He continued to pet Dean's hair, letting out a soft sigh. "I love you," he murmured after a while. "I really do."

"I love you too, Cas," Dean replied softly, keeping his eyes closed and not moving at all. He'd stay like that for a long time if he could.

"Let's go to bed." he murmured. "We can cuddle, and rest. You have a hectic day tomorrow."

Dean nodded slowly, really not wanting to move, but he did anyway. He carefully got to his feet, and waited for Castiel to do the same before they headed upstairs.

Castiel closed the door to the bedroom before he stripped down, sliding into bed and waiting fro Dean to join him.

Dean changes into his usual t-shirt and sweatpants, before slipping into bed. He opted to lay on his back, since facing Castiel would put pressure on his forehead.

Castiel wrapped his arm around Dean's waist, his head resting on the other's shoulder as he cuddled close. "Talk to me, please?" he requested softly when Dean didn't say a word.

"... I failed you," Dean said as quietly as he could, and closed his eyes so he wouldn't have to look at anything.

"How do you think you failed me?" Castiel asked softly. "Because you didn't. Not at all. You helped me."

"I should've shown you how to defend yourself earlier. I shouldn't have let them get so close... I should've asked you to stay, like I wanted to, that night when Uriel..." Dean closed his mouth and pressed his lips tightly together.

It hit Castiel in that moment; Dean blamed himself for the events of that night, and it had been eating at him this entire time. "It wasn't your fault," Castiel whispered quietly. "None of that was your fault. If...if I hadn't had gone on that walk Dean, I would have continued trying to hurt you. I was angry, and needed time to calm down. And they would have come anyways, regardless of if I stayed in or gone out. And I wouldn't have been able to stop blaming myself if you had gotten hurt."

Dean huffed softly. "I would've rather been hurt... You still got bills to pay, and you didn't need to be hurt any more... Yet you did, because of me. I made you mad, Cas."

"And we have arguments pretty regularly." Castiel pointed out. "I get mad at you sometimes, and you get mad at me. But we always work through them. You know I need space when I'm angry, and that night I just needed to walk. I don't mind paying the bills, I really don't. And don't you ever tell me you'd rather be hurting." he whispered the last sentence softly, his voice cracking. "Please,"

Castiel was right, but Dean just couldn't let go of the feeling that it had been his fault. Some times, it felt as if everything was his fault. His dad's death, Sam being taken away, everything that happened to Cas. He opened his eyes half way, and nodded slowly. "Okay... I won't," he mumbled. "I'm sorry..."

"You have nothing to apologize for," Castiel whispered, shifting to press sweet, tender kisses along Dean's cheek and jaw, his hand moving to lightly massage Dean's thighs, knowing that the other would start to rub them when he got depressed.

Dean let his eyes fall close as he sighed, letting himself relax under Castiel's sweet display of affection. "I love you," he said softly. He shifted slightly, stretching his arm out under his boyfriend, and then rested his hand on Castiel's shoulder.

"I love you too," Castiel murmured, enjoying the feeling of Dean's hand over his shoulder. He kissed down Dean's neck as he rubbed the tension out of Dean's thighs.

Dean rubbed his thumb over Castiel's shoulder. "I'm nervous about tomorrow... I really hope it goes well..."

"I think it will. Sam can hold his own." Castiel replied. "You won't lose Sam. He won't go."

"I know he can... I just... I don't know." Dean sighed, and rolled onto his side to face Castiel.

Castiel gently rest his cheek against Dean's as he slid his arm back around Dean's waist. "I know you don't believe in God, but I will pray for you both." he murmured. It was his way of trying to help, of being sincere in his want for this to go well.

"Mmh... That's very nice of you, Cas," Dean replied, not really knowing what else to say. He didn't believe, and it was very kind of Castiel pray for him and Sam despite that.

Castiel kissed his cheek gently. "I love you," he whispered. "And I have faith in you and Sam." he kissed Dean's cheek again before pulling back to press their lips together in a soft, tender kiss.

Dean kept one hand on Castiel's shoulder, and reached up to run his fingers through the dark, messy hair as he gently kissed back. "I love you too, Cas..."

Castiel sucked gently at his bottom lip before letting go, although he didn't move far away. His eyes found Dean's and locked there. "No matter what happens tomorrow, I will be there. All right?" he whispered against the other's lips.

Dean was quiet for a moment, before humming softly. "All right. If you say so," he mumbled, and pressed their lips together again - loving the feeling of Castiel's lips against his own.

Castiel gladly relaxed into the kiss, loving it just as much as Dean did. He continued kissing Dean as long as he could before he had to breathe, but when he pulled away, only stayed away for a few seconds before their lips were back together. He could never get enough of kissing Dean, of being in his strong arms, a direct contrast to his own scarred arms.

Dean couldn't help but let out a pleased moan as they kissed. He didn't want to do anything sexual with Castiel - kissing him just felt so damn good. He could spend hours just kissing his boyfriend, run his hands through the messy hair or wrap his arms around the slim waist, hold Castiel so carefully and lovingly that it was almost as if he was afraid he'd crush him if he held on tighter.

Castiel returned the moan with a soft one of his own, not really in the mood to do anything more himself. He loved the feeling of Dean's rough hands against his bare skin, even in places where the scarring was heavy enough for him not to have much sensation. He loved it when Dean held him so carefully, cherishing the moment. But tonight, he wanted to be held a little tighter, and he slid his hands underneath Dean's shirt to slowly trace over the muscles in his back.

Dean sighed softly against Castiel's lips as they pulled back for air, before kissing each other again, and again. Dean felt so relaxed, despite what had happened earlier and what was happening the next day. He pressed a hand flat against Castiel's back, and pulled him against himself, just wanting to keep his boyfriend close. Though, it didn't feel like it was enough, so he wrapped his arms around Castiel's torso and threw a leg over his hip.

Castiel pressed himself as close as he could get, tucking his legs in between Dean's so they could press their torsos together. He was just as relaxed as they kissed, the panic attack from earlier forgotten as their breaths mingled and their hands touched smooth skin.

Dean held Castiel as close as he could, and continued to kiss him. Bit by bit, his limbs started to feel heavy, and his kissing got a bit sluggish. After a while he started yawning, but didn't show any signs of moving any time soon. "Sorry," he slurred slightly as he got too tired and yawned too much to kiss Castiel.

"It's all right, go to sleep. I'm right here," Castiel whispered, before he started to softly hum "Hey Jude", their bodies still closely entwined.

Dean yawned as he shifted, just a little, then settled down and just listened. It didn't take long before he was out like a light, limbs still wrapped around his boyfriend. Castiel lay there for a few moments, and he prayed softly, before he joined Dean in sleep, his forehead resting against Dean's collarbone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the lack of posting on Wednesday, I felt like I had been run over by a truck and couldn't edit my part of the story. So look for a double chapter today!
> 
> ~Cinder


	36. Don't Put Words In My Mouth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILERS**
> 
> When Naomi arrives and interviews Sam, she tells Dean that he has lost custody because Sam doesn't like their relationship. However, unknown to Naomi, Sam had recorded the entire conversation, revealing that he supported Dean and Castiel's relationship and that he wasn't going to go anywhere. Naomi relents, and the little family is thrilled. While riding the high of this news, Sam brings up something that Dean didn't expect: Sam wants to move to California so Dean and Castiel can still be together. Dean is unsure about this, not wanting to pull Sam away from Jess and his friends.
> 
>  **Trigger Warnings**  
>  Homophobia

The next day, Dean was up early and kept pacing around, even after the others got up. He got worse the closer it got to Naomi coming over to talk with Sam. It wasn't that he didn't trust Sam, but Naomi had more power than any of them did - she'd already taken Sam away once. Dean was barely able to eat, and in the end he went back to his and Castiel's bedroom to hide, knowing that he wasn't helping anyone with his behavior.

Castiel was worried as well, but he let Dean have his space. Finally, he knocked on the door and let himself in. "Dean, she's pulling up." he murmured. "You need to greet her, show her you aren't afraid." he leaned down to kiss Dean softly. "I'm going to stay here, good luck."

Dean frowned, and didn't return the kiss. He'd rather jump out the window than greet that woman. "Okay... Thanks, I guess," he mumbled, and reluctantly got out of bed and headed downstairs to face that nightmare of a woman.

Naomi was waiting at the door, and gave Dean a clearly forced smile. "Hello. Where is Sam, may I ask?"

Sam made his way over from the living room, adjusting his jeans. He had slipped the recorder into his pocket, having turned it on when he heard the knock on the door. "Hello, Naomi." Sam greeted politely.  
Dean didn't even try to smile, but he did nod at her in greeting. "Well, yeah... There he is. What about moving to the living room? Should be more comfortable than standing here..."

"Indeed." Naomi walked in, her face growing kinder as she saw Sam. "Hello, Sam. How are you doing today?"

"I've been doing absolutely wonderful."

Naomi glanced at Dean. "It is preferable that the "guardian",” she said the word with distaste "Is not around during these meetings so that the child may speak freely."

Dean had to bite his tongue to stop himself from saying anything he might later regret. "The living room is all yours. I'll be upstairs," he said, and patted Sam gently on the shoulder before heading upstairs.

Castiel was reading his bible on the bed when Dean came into the room. "She wouldn't let you be there," he commented, bookmarking his spot before closing it.

"I told'ya she probably wouldn't want me there, now didn't I?" Dean mumbled, leaving the bedroom door wide open. He really wouldn't be surprised if Naomi got the idea to kidnap Sam.

Castiel nodded. "That you did," he murmured, standing up and placing his hands on Dean's shoulders, massaging them gently. "Sam will be okay."

Dean sighed heavily. "I'm a worry wart. Don't tell Sammy I just admitted to that," he mumbled, trying to relax under Castiel's touch.

Castiel smiled softly. "I knew that already," he teased gently.

The couple was up in the bedroom for an hour before Sam came upstairs. "Naomi said to get both of you," he told Dean. "I think it went well, but we'll have to see."

Dean had managed to relax, but tensed up again as soon as he heard Naomi being mentioned. "... All right. Let's go see what she wants," he mumbled, and grabbed Castiel's hand as they headed downstairs to the living room.

Castiel laced their fingers together as the went downstairs, greeting Naomi with a "Hello, Ms. Tapping." despite her glare at him.

Naomi the looked at Dean with contempt. "Sam has expressed his wishes for you to end your "relationship" with this man. He doesn't feel comfortable with it, and if you wish to retain custody-"

"No!" Sam protested immediately. "I said nothing of the sort!" 

"I can assure you, He did." she showed Dean her notes.

"And I assure you, I didn't." Sam replied, clearly upset, but he dug his hand into his pocket, pulling out the recorder.

Naomi's eyes widened slightly. "What is that?"

"Proof." Sam put the recorder down, rewinding it so they could all hear the conversation. There was some muffling, but then Naomi's voice came over.

"How have you been doing, Sam?"  
"I've been doing absolutely wonderful."  
There was a slight pause.  
"It is preferable that the "guardian" is not around during these meetings so that the child may speak freely."  
Dean's reply was muffled, and not understood.  
"So Sam, are you really doing wonderful? How did you get that bruise on your jaw?"  
"This? I was playing pool with Dean and Castiel at The Roadhouse, and tried to save Castiel from being sexually assaulted."  
"...I see. And what did Dean do about this? Why were you defending Castiel, and not him?"  
"Because he's my friend?" Sam's voice sounded incredulous. "Because I was closer, and I didn't want him to be hurt? And Dean kicked the two guy's asses for touching us, he didn't just stand by and do nothing."  
"Why were you in a bar in the first place? Was Dean getting drunk, despite being underage?"  
"No! Ellen and Jo are family, and we can get free meals there occasionally."  
"So were you there because Dean couldn't provide for you, so you had to get free meals from others?"  
"Of course not." Sam bit back. "It was a treat, and Castiel had never had Ellen's burgers before. Dean and Cas buy all of the groceries, and they take turns making meals. We've only gone out to eat twice since I came back, and the other time was for Castiel's birthday."  
"I see... Well, why are you both living under Bobby Singer's roof? Can Dean not afford to keep a house?"  
"Of course he can. But WE decided that the best plan of action was to sell our house and keep the inherited money for my college. We lived at Castiel's for a while until someone tried to kill him, which I cannot speak more about since the investigation is ongoing."  
"Why would someone try to kill Castiel?"  
"Once again, I cannot speak about it. However, I am not in any danger due to the circumstances."  
"Are you sure? Someone trying to kill your older brother's boyfriend is a very serious threat, and it can affect you if they think that you are the best way to get to him."  
"I know. But once again, I cannot legally disclose details. But we are safe"  
"I'm sure." she was clearly just saying so. "How about you, Sam? Compared to your life with Mr and Mrs. Sheppard, how much worse off is your life now?"  
"It is ten times better." Sam replied strongly. "I was afraid for my life with them. It honestly felt like I was living in a house full of demons. I lost weight, and was very unhappy. Since I have returned, I've gained back over ten pounds, and I've truly seen how much my brother has sacrificed for me during my life."  
"And if you asked him to sacrifice his relationship with Castiel for your sake, would he do it?"  
"No, he wouldn't." Sam replied. "Because I would never ask that of him. Why would I ask him to break things off with someone that he loves, that makes him truly happy? I haven't seen Dean smile so much since our mom died, and when he looks at Cas, you can see how in love he is. And Castiel loves him just as much. Why would I ask him to abandon one of the few things that heals him, that keeps him from hurting? Both he and Castiel were broken when they met, but they've helped each other more than I could ever imagine."  
"And what do you think about them being both male?"  
"Why does that mean anything?"  
"Because it is morally wron-"  
"No, it isn't. Love is love. I couldn't care less if Dean was dating his car, which is what I would have sworn was happening for a few months after he first got it. If he's happy, then I'm happy for him."  
"And is his relationship influencing you in any way? Are you finding yourself more attracted to other boys because of this?"  
"No, I am not. I have Jess, and I have eyes only for her. And if later on, I find I am attracted to other men, so what? All Cas and Dean have proved to me is that real love can make it through the toughest obstacles. I can promise you, Dean would have broken it off a long time ago if he didn't care about Castiel. If it was any other person, he wouldn't have stayed through all the drama and death threats. And I'm glad he found someone he could love wholeheartedly."  
"And would you like to go to a more stable environment?"  
"This is my stable environment." Sam replied. "I have my older brother who would refuse to close the gates of hell if he had to pick between that and me, I have Cas, who treats me as an equal rather than his boyfriend's bratty little brother. I have Jess, who loves me and whom I love, and I have Bobby and Ellen and Jo and Ash. They are my family, because as Bobby told us years ago, family don't end with blood."

Sam stopped the recording there. "I said I would NEVER ask Dean to break up with Castiel." he replied sharply. "And you have no right to discriminate against Dean because of his sexuality, or remove me from his care because of it. So unless you would like this recording to be brought to the attention of your supervisors, then I suggest you rethink what you are trying to accomplish."

Dean stared at the recorder in Sam's hand, then looked at his brother and felt nothing but love and pride over what Sam had just achieved. After a long moment of just watching his brother, he grinned widely and turned towards Naomi. "Well... It sounds like this battle is over, Ms. Tapping," he said sweetly, obviously happy over having Naomi backed up in a corner.

Naomi scowled. "I still remain Sam's social worker. Until he turns eighteen, I WILL be checking up on him." she glared at Castiel, who just returned her gaze with his piercing eyes. "And the moment Sam is unhappy, he is gone."

"It's a good thing that that won't happen," Sam replied just as sweetly.

"All right, Ms. Tapping. Whatever you say." At the moment, Dean couldn't understand why he'd been worried. "Now, do I need to show you the door, or can you find it on your own?"

She just glared at him before letting herself out without so much as a goodbye.  
Sam grinned widely, moving to hug Dean tightly.

Dean laughed and returned the hug. "Sammy! You did it! Damn, you're awesome."

"I know," Sam replied cheekily. "Did I say anything wrong?" he asked, looking at Castiel. 

Castiel quirked a soft smile. "Did he really date Baby at first?"

"You have no idea," Sam grinned. "He took better care of and spent more money on that car than he ever did on dates, yours exempted."

Dean huffed. "Baby's got more smarts than most of the girls I ever took on a date, and that says a lot... She's a beauty, but she's still a car. A very nice car. Of course I spent more money on her than some... Some... Dumb bitch."

Sam chuckled. "I still maintain that Baby was your girlfriend for a few months." he replied, letting Dean go. "I meant every word I said, by the way. About you two."

Castiel smiled. "I know you did, and it is very appreciated,"

Dean ignored the comment about his car. "You've been supportive from the start, so yeah, we know you mean it... Speaking of which, I'm still a bit surprised that you didn't freak out when me and Cas started dating..."

"I was a little surprised at first, but...Dean, I had never seen you so happy." Sam replied. "Why would I not support that?"

"I never thought that you wouldn't support it, but growing up with dad... I know that I had like, the biggest freak out ever when I met Benny," Dean mumbled. "Kinda guessed you'd take a while to get used to it, is all."

Sam shrugged. "I've never had an issue with it." he replied. "I guess I just wanted to be the complete opposite of dad, you know?"

"Yeah... Dad wasn't really the best role model." Dean chuckled awkwardly and chewed on his lip.

Sam nodded. "And Dean...I've been thinking, and talking with Jess about it. Cas is going to school in California, right?"

"Yeah, he is. What's on your mind?" Dean realised that he hadn't spoken with Sam about his plans to stay, but decided to listen to what his brother had to say before saying anything himself.

"I was thinking, and I wanted to let you know that I'm okay with moving, if that's what you want to do." Sam replied. "I've talked to Jess about it, and she supports that too. I guess...I mean, you've sacrificed so much for me my entire life, and I just want to give you the chance to be happy."

Dean was quiet as he let the words sink in. "... Sam, I... That's great and all, but... I'm planning to stay here until you finish high school, or till you're 18. I'm not going to college, so I'll be able to work a lot more and we could take trips to go see Cas."

"But Dean," Sam argued. "Would you really be HAPPY doing that?" he asked. "You could definitely find a job as a mechanic over there, especially since you specialize in classic cars. And I can study and finish high school in California as much as I could here." In truth, Sam didn't want to see Castiel leave almost as much as Dean didn't. He wanted to keep their little family together.

Dean was at a loss for words at that. He hadn't actually considered the possibility that Sam would even think about moving. "I... Well... But Jess..." He couldn't deny the fact that he did want to go to California with Castiel, but to have Sam leave behind Jessica and all his friends - it didn't feel right. "... Let me think about it."

"We know," Sam replied. "But it's about damn time I sacrificed something for you," he said sincerely. "Jess and I have talked about it, and there's always skype and holidays. Her parents agreed to fly me here every now and then to visit."

Dean put his hands on his hips and chewed on his bottom lip. He looked at Sam, and then Castiel, then down at the floor. "... I guess we'll have to look start keeping an eye out for apartments and such, then. In case we do end up moving..."

Sam smiled and glanced over at Castiel, and knew he was doing the right thing as Castiel's face lit up at Dean's words. "I'll start doing some research," Sam replied, giving Dean a warm smile.

"Yeah. Okay." Dean nodded, and gave a small smile in return, not exactly sure how he should react. He never thought this would happen, and he was a bit stunned by it. Sam smiled, hugging Dean again before letting go.

Castiel was smiling widely. "Well, I think today has been a good day." he commented. "What do you two want for dinner? I'll make whatever you want. And yes Dean, I'll make apple pie for dessert." he smiled at his boyfriend.

"Yeah... I think you can call it an awesome day." Dean smiled wider. "I'm in the mood for chicken... What do you say, Sammy?"

"Chicken sounds good to me too...ooh, Cas, can you make that bourbon chicken?" Sam asked.

Castiel smiled. "Of course. Dean, can you take me to the grocery store so I can get what I need?"

"Sure. Let's get going right away," Dean replied with a nod.

Sam chuckled. "I'll be here, I'm going to study. Is it all right if I invite Jess over?"

Castiel went upstairs to grab his wallet while the brothers talked. Dean shrugged slightly and smiled. "Sure, why not. Just don't crash the house or anything while we're gone."

"Because I'm such a party animal." Sam replied, sticking his tongue out as Castiel came back downstairs.

"Well, you do seem to enjoy your two-people parties with Jess," Dean said and wiggled his brows suggestively, before chuckling.

Sam snorted. "Like you don't enjoy your own "parties" with Cas."

"Never said I didn't." Dean winked at Sam, before fetching his jacket and keys. Sam made a face before heading upstairs to call Jess.

Castiel's cheeks were a little pink. "I'm ready whenever you are," he told his boyfriend.

Dean gave Castiel a quick kiss. "Let's go then," he said, then went outside to the car with Castiel.

Castiel smiled and returned the kiss, following Dean outside. "I told you, you had nothing to worry about. Sam did wonderfully." he smiled, getting into the passenger's seat.

"Yeah... You did," Dean mumbled as he sat in the driver's seat, and started the car. "I couldn't help it though. Things haven't really... Gone our way, most of the time." He started the drive towards the grocery store.

"I know." Castiel sighed. "But it went your way today. And so we're celebrating." he curled up against Dean's side.

"... Man, it's weird. Celebrating used to mean going to someone's house and drink until I couldn't see straight." Dean smiled slightly.

Castiel chuckled. "I'm sure if you asked nicely, Bobby would let you have some of his alcohol."

Dean shrugged. "Meh. I'm just glad I'm getting good food, really."

Castiel chuckled, kissing his cheek. "I'm glad you enjoy my cooking."

They drove in comfortable silence for a while. "So, what did you think about what Sam offered?" he asked.

"... I'm not entirely sure," Dean replied honestly. "On one hand, I couldn't be happier. On the other hand, it makes me feel uneasy... I don't know what to think."

"Talk to me," Castiel urged gently. "I don't want you making a decision like this with regrets. But know that whatever you decide, I will support you." he murmured. "You know I want you with me. But if you decide to stay for Sam's sake, I won't hold that against you or be mad at you for it."

Dean frowned. "... Sam has everything here - and Bobby's here... Ellen, Jo and Ash, too. Sam has Jessica and her family." He sighed. "And then there's the worst moments in our lives that I just want to get away from. That we all want to get away from..."

"And now I'm going to play devil's advocate. What will make you more happy, and what will make Sam more happy?"

Dean huffed softly. "You're seriously asking me that? Jeeze... I thought you were smart," he teased, obviously trying to find a way out of having to answer the question.

Castiel cocked an eyebrow at Dean, knowing that Dean was trying to distract him. "You need to say it, Dean." he told him gently.

Dean went quiet, and stared out at the road. "... I would... I'd like to go," he said quietly. He really did want to go with Castiel, but just thinking about taking Sam away from their odd group of family and friends made him anxious, and he shifted slightly as his thighs began to itch.

Castiel's hand found Dean's thigh and rubbed it gently. "You need to talk with Sam about this, really talk. While I'm not there. All right?"

"Yeah... I suppose we do," Dean mumbled, letting Castiel's touch soothe him.

Castiel waited until they were parked to kiss Dean gently, rubbing his thighs gently, squeezing and massaging, trying to calm the other down

Dean wrapped an arm around Castiel, and kissed back just as gently, letting his boyfriend take care of him for a bit. "What would I do without you...?" he murmured.

"I think the better question would be what I would do without you." Castiel murmured against Dean's lips, kissing him once more before pulling away. "Are you coming in or staying in the car?"

Dean gently squeezed Casitel's shoulder. "I'm not letting you go in there all alone," he said, and got out of the car.

Castiel went and got a cart, waiting for Dean to join him before he went into the store, getting the ingredients he would need for bourbon chicken and the apple pie he had promised Dean. Dean walked behind Castiel, with only just enough space between them so he wouldn't step on any heels.

Castiel finished getting what he needed. "Anything you need while I'm here?" he asked.

"Not that I can think of, no," Dean said and shook his head. "I believe we're done here."

Castiel nodded, and went to pay for the groceries. "Can I get a hand carrying these?" he asked Dean as he grabbed a few bags.

Dean grinned and nodded. "Of course." He grabbed the rest of the bags, and carried them out to the car.

Castiel helped Dean set the bags in the backseat before he got into the front. "Do you want to help me with the pie?" he asked as they got settled into the car.

Dean started the car. "Sure." He smiled as he kept his eyes on the road as they pulled out of the parking lot.

"I promise not to leave handprints on your ass this time," Castiel chuckled.

"Well... No one would be surprised if you did, so there's no reason to not do it, if you want to..." Dean glanced at Castiel.

Castiel's lips twitched into a soft smile. "You enjoy it when I grab your ass, don't you?" he asked teasingly.

Dean chuckled and rolled his eyes, but his cheeks turned pink. "You'd be a smug bastard for the rest of the day if I said yes, wouldn't you?"

"Maybe," Castiel smiled, kissing Dean's cheek.

Dean hummed, also smiling. "Then you'll just have to find out for yourself."

"I plan to," Castiel breathed softly into Dean's ear, nipping at the lobe gently.

Dean was glad that the road ahead was straight, as his mind blanked out for a few seconds. "Fuck- Cas- I'm driving," he said, blushing as he re-adjusted his grip on the steering wheel.

Castiel chuckled, and settled back against Dean's side, rubbing his thigh sweetly. 

Dean huffed softly at him. "Tease," he mumbled, and spent the rest of the ride back to Bobby's mostly under silence.

"You enjoy it," Castiel replied with a sweet smile.


	37. Seeds Are Planted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILERS**
> 
> Dean and Castiel get into a flour fight while making pie, for old times sake. Afterwards, Jess walks in on Castiel shirtless, leaving her shocked at the state Castiel's body is in. After the shock wears off, she reassures him that she doesn't think any differently of him. During dinner, Sam continues with his quest to convince Dean to move to California, bringing up the fact that same-sex marriage is legal there.
> 
>  **TRIGGER WARNINGS**  
>  Mild panic attack, discussions of old self harm scars.

When they arrived at Bobby's, Jess was sitting with Sam in the living room, their books spread out as they did homework.

"We're back," Dean called out as he went into the kitchen with the grocery bags.

"Hi Dean, hi Cas!" Jess greeted, before turning back to her homework.

"Hello, Jess." Castiel greeted as he came in with bags as well.

"Need a hand?" Sam asked, getting up from the floor.

"No thanks, Dean and I have it." he smiled.

"We'll call if help is needed," Dean added as he removed the items out of the bags.

"Fiiine," Sam whined slightly, winking at Castiel.

Castiel was confused, but didn't say anything, shooing Dean out of the kitchen so he could start the chicken. He would call Dean in when he started to make the pie. Dean pouted at Castiel, but went along with it and went upstairs to find something to do.

When Castiel had finished putting the chicken to marinate, he called Dean back downstairs, a smudge of flour already on his cheek from where he had been preparing the ingredients.

Dean chuckled as he came into the kitchen and saw Castiel. "Starting without me, are you?"

"Just preparing everything," Castiel smiled, leaning up for a kiss.

Dean kissed him. "You've got flour on your face."

Castiel rubbed at his cheek, and only smeared it. "Eh, I'm sure they'll be more," he chuckled, handing Dean the rolling pin. "You make the crust, I'll make the filling?"

Dean chuckled, and gently tapped Castiel on the ass with the rolling pin. "Yessir, sounds like a plan," he said, and quickly washed his hands before getting to work on the crust.

Castiel blushed, but started to cut the apples, working on the counter next to Dean. At one point, he discreetly pressed his hand into the flour before grabbing Dean's ass, squeezing softly and leaving a handprints on his jeans.

Dean jumped slightly, having been too focused to notice Castiel moving. Then he laughed softly and shook his head, before reaching out to touch Castiel's face - smearing the skin with flour. Castiel scrunched up his face before pressing two flour covered hands on Dean's chest, a grin on his face.

"You dog, touching my man-titties without permission. I should slap you!" Dean joked, and patted Castiel's cheeks with both hands before reaching down to pinch his boyfriend's thighs.

Castiel jumped and grinned, pulling Dean in for a kiss and running flour-covered fingers through his hair. Dean laughed into the kiss and fumbled a bit to grab some more flour to cover his hands with, then began to grab at Castiel's thighs, hips and ass to cover him with handprints. Castiel shivered, and grabbed for some as well, deciding to go for the kill and grasping at Dean's crotch, leaving a handprint there with a grin.

Dean made a noise as he stilled, hands gripping tightly on Castiel's thighs. "Shit, Cas... You pervert."

Castiel just smirked, looking like a mess with flour covering his cheeks. He leaned in for a kiss before pressing their cheeks together, whispering "You enjoy it," into Dean's ear before blowing softly, loving how much it caused Dean to shiver when he did so.

Dean bit his lip as he grabbed Castiel by the hips and pulled him closer. "True... But we're supposed to be making pie, not foreplay," he murmured, widening his stance slightly so that Castiel's feet fit between his own.

Castiel fit his hips against Dean's, looking up at him with wide blue eyes. "We are making pie, and if the moans you let out of your mouth when you eat it aren't completely sexual, then this is foreplay in itself," he teased, reaching to grab Dean's ass with both hands.

Dean hummed and pressed a hand against Castiel's lower back, using his hand to play with his boyfriend's messy hair. "If you're not careful with your words I might just tease you we're eating," he said and pursed his lips.

Castiel smirked in return. "And I may just have to reciprocate," he murmured, rolling his hips slightly.

Dean huffed softly, and started to gently kiss and nip at Castiel's neck. "And I used to think you were so innocent..."

"I was, until I met you." Castiel replied softly, tilting his head to give Dean more room.

Dean chuckled. "I guess I corrupted you, then," he mumbled, then hummed as he focused on a sensitive spot on Castiel's neck.

Castiel let out a soft gasp, his eyes fluttering shut and his hands tightening on Dean's shirt, the pie forgotten for the moment. Dean slipped his hand under Castiel's shirt, and touched the warm skin of his back and sides. Castiel's muscles tensed slightly under the touch, and he let out a soft, breathy moan, rolling his hips forwards against Dean's.

Dean moved to nip at Castiel's jaw, before moving to kiss him on the lips. After a moment, he retracted his hand and used both hands to fix Castiel's shirt back in place, then broke the kiss with a small smirk.

Castiel's brow furrowed in confusion, and then he groaned. "Tease." he muttered, kissing Dean once more.

Dean chuckled and patted Castiel's ass gently. "Love you too," he murmured. "Now let's finish that pie and I'll make it all up to you tonight..."

"Fine," Castiel groaned, walking a little awkwardly for a little bit while he finished the filling.

Dean snickered at his boyfriend, and went back to finishing the crust for the pie. Castiel responded by smacking Dean's ass.

Sam walked in a few moments later. "Oh god, guys!" he groaned at the sight of them, with flour covering both of their asses and crotches. "Really? Jess is over!"

Dean laughed. "We were just having fun, Sammy. Nothing wrong with that."

Sam just made a face. "Jess! Don't come into the kitchen!" he called out.

"Why not?" Jess asked, obviously curious.

Dean grinned. "Because Sam can't appreciate the fun some of us have!"

 

"I sincerely hope you guys didn't have sex while making the pie."

Castiel flushed slightly. "We didn't."

"Oh, Sammy... I'm not innocent by any means, but having sex in the kitchen and knowing that people can just walk in? Dude, no," Dean said.

It didn't take long until Jess appeared beside Sam. "... Sam, what's the deal? All I see is a lot of flour and- Oh."

Castiel's cheeks darkened further, and he ducked his head, embarrassed.

"Well," Sam commented. "I warned you."

"... Castiel, do you have small hands, or...?" She looked between Dean and Castiel.

"Wow, wow- Are you saying I have a fat ass?" Dean stared at her. Jess giggled and slipped out of the kitchen to go back to her homework, while Dean crossed his arms and huffed. "It's a good thing she's cute..."

Sam chuckled. "I'd go with the latter, Jess!" Sam called after her.

Castiel's cheeks were bright red, and he bit his lip. "I don't think you have a fat ass." he told Dean quietly.

Dean blinked as he looked at Castiel, and smiled slightly. "Good to know I have one person on my side. Now, if you'll excuse me..." He picked up a wet rag he was going to use when cleaning up, then threw it at his brother.

Sam made a noise as it hit him in the face, but he took it and rat-tailed it, whipping Dean's ass before he laughed and bolted out of the kitchen.

Dean yelped, and realised he should've probably seen that coming. "I hope you trip over your own feet!" he called after his brother.

Sam laughed and ran back into the living room, scooping Jess up in his arms. "Cmon, before Dean kills us!" he laughed.

Jess squeaked, then laughed as she held onto Sam. "I hope he'll have mercy upon us!"

Sam chuckled and took Jess upstairs.

Dean looked at Castiel and rolled his eyes as he pointed to the living room with his thumb. Castiel chuckled, handing Dean the finished filling. Dean took the filling, but made sure to peek out of the kitchen to shout at Sam and Jess. "I'll kill you both while you're sleeping!" Then he went back to the counter, and poured the filling into the crust.

Castiel laughed, and when Dean had closed the pie, took it to put into the oven. "Go get a shower while I finish dinner," he chuckled.

Dean pouted. "But I'm planning to get messy again," he said, placing a hand on Castiel's back.

Castiel gave him a sly smile, leaning up for a kiss. "You are not eating dinner while covered in flour." he told him. "I'm going to grab a shower too"

Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel's waist to hug him gently. "Fine," he whined quietly, and kissed his boyfriend before letting go. "I'll take a damned shower. Have fun knowing I'm naked, while you're not." He grinned as he pinched Castiel's ass, before slipping out of the kitchen.

Castiel leaned into the hug and returned the kiss, jumping at the pinch to his ass. "That's all right, I'll be naked while you aren't either!" he called after him, before getting the chicken out of the fridge and starting to prepare the meal.

Dean couldn't help but laugh as he heard that, and made his way to the bathroom. Castiel smiled, and started to cook their dinner, cleaning in between when he had to stir. He still was having trouble wrapping his head around the fact that he had a home, not just a house, with people who cared about him and loved him for being himself. The teasing touches and flour fight were perfect memories, and while he knew Dean had to keep Sam's best interests in mind, he desperately wanted the brothers to move with him to California.

Dean took a good, warm shower and then went to his and Castiel's bedroom to get dressed. He couldn't be bothered with jeans, so he pulled on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt. Thoughts about his two choices were swimming around in his head, and he really didn't know what to do. Especially not as he went back downstairs, and leaned against the doorframe to the kitchen as he watched his boyfriend.  
Castiel continued cooking, oblivious to Dean's stare. Assuming that Sam and Jess would be upstairs for a while, he had stripped off his shirt to avoid smearing flour all over their food.

Dean let his eyes roam over Castiel's naked torso, and tried to keep his himself in check. He knew that Castiel was thin, but it was Castiel. It really didn't matter to him what his boyfriend looked like, he was still hot. Though, it wouldn't hurt if Castiel packed on a bit of muscle, for the sake of defending himself... The thought made Dean feel bad, but he couldn't deny that it was probably true. He shrugged the thoughts off, and put on a smirk. "Why, look at that... Is it my birthday already?" he teased, making his presence known.

Castiel jumped at the sound of Dean's voice. "Your birthday isn't for another two months," he replied, turning to face Dean. "I just didn't want to get flour over everything."

"I know, I was kidding. But you are a sight for sore eyes." Dean grinned as he went over to Castiel. He dusted off his boyfriend's pants a bit, before hugging him from behind.

Castiel leaned back happily into Dean's arms. "Dinner will be ready in five minutes." he murmured, tucking his head under Dean's chin.

"Mmh. Sounds good, pretty little house husband," Dean said, absentmindedly tracing the scars from the stab wounds with his fingers. They were a few of the scars he truly hated, because he could've lost Castiel that night.

Castiel snorted, shivering slightly as Dean traced the scars. "You can be in the kitchen more then, and become the house husband," he teased.

Dean chuckled. "Only if you bring me flowers on your way home from work, and tell me how pretty I am even if the clothes do make me look fat. You better agree with everything I say, too, even if I'm wrong. Might have you sleep on the couch if you don't."

Castiel snorted. "We are FAR from the conventional couple," he replied, tilting his head back so he could kiss Dean's jaw.

Dean grinned. "True. And I probably would punch you if you gave me flowers. I have my limits to how much chick flick stuff I can take."

Castiel chuckled. "If I really wanted to get to your heart, I would buy you some oil for Baby," he teased, before shrugging out of Dean's arms so he could pull the pan off of the stove, beginning to serve the chicken with a side of rice.

"Mmh. Wouldn't even have to do that. Food smells delicious." Dean smiled as he settled on just watching Castiel.

Castiel smiled, and was halfway finished serving when Sam walked into the kitchen, Jess by his side. Although he had seen Castiel shirtless before, the large amount of scars were still a shock to see, an Jess hadn't known. Jess froze as she saw Castiel, her eyes wide and mouth open as she stared.  
Dean stumbled as he hurried to get Castiel's shirt, then stood with his back turned to the other two to try and cover Castiel to give him some privacy, keeping in mind the reaction he had when Sam saw him shirtless for the first time.

Castiel was confused when Dean moved to quickly cover him, but he froze when he realized that Jess was standing in the room. He was immediately extremely embarrassed and self-conscious. "I...I'm sorry." he muttered.

Dean shushed him gently. "Cas, there's no need to apologize..."

Jess snapped out of it and tried to say something, but she couldn't find her voice. She looked up at Sam, not knowing what to do. Sam wrapped an arm around her shoulders and guided her out of the kitchen.

Castiel was shaking slightly, afraid that Jess was disgusted with him now, especially since she hadn't been able to say anything. Dean wrapped his arms tightly around Castiel, and peppered his face with kisses. "C'mon, hon... It'll be okay, I promise. Remember to breathe, for me, okay?"

Castiel nodded, letting out short breaths, slowly trying to match his breathing with Dean's, trying to relax under the kisses.

"That's it, Cas... You're doing good. Just keep breathing," Dean said softly, rubbing a hand over Castiel's back.

Castiel's breathing slowly calmed, and he buried his face into Dean's shoulder. "She's disgusted by me..." he murmured, his voice sounding so broken.

"Oh, Cas... I bet she's just shocked. She had no clue at all." Dean ran a hand through Castiel's hair. "She'll come around, and everything will be like it always is. Happy, peaceful."

Castiel just swallowed, still shaking slightly, but a little calmer than he was.

Dean started humming the tune to one of their songs, and just held Castiel tightly in his arms.

Castiel slowly started calming further as he listened to Dean hum, his body slowly stilling and his breathing matched with Dean's.

Dean continued to hold Castiel and hum, even after his boyfriend had calmed down.

Castiel just stayed there for a few more minutes before he pulled away, taking the shirt and pulling it back on, kissing Dean gently before he finished serving dinner.

Dean watched Castiel serve up the rest of the food, before getting out of the kitchen to tell Jess and Sam. 

Meanwhile, Sam and Jess had been in the living room, talking quietly with each other.

"Cas had a really, really rough life." Sam murmured softly after he’d taken Jess aside. "He is getting help for it, and Dean helps more than you know."

Jess stared up at Sam, clinging to each and every word that he said. "... What do I do...?" she managed to ask. She wouldn't pretend to understand, but she wanted to at least try.

"Just treat him like you always do. He's still Cas," Sam replied. "But right now, you may have to let him know that you don't think of him any differently."

Jess nodded quickly. "Okay, okay... I'll do my best," she murmured, feeling a bit bad about her reaction.

Sam rubbed her shoulder. "I had a similar reaction too, the first time." he told her. "It is shocking, but I know Dean barely notices the scars anymore. It's just...Cas."

Jess nodded again, slower this time. "That's... That takes a lot of love, doesn't it?" she mumbled.

Sam nodded. "Dean loves Castiel with everything he has." he replied. "And that's another reason I want Dean to be able to stay with Castiel through college. In California, they can legally marry. Not here."

Jess eyes widened. "Really? Oh gosh, that's... That's amazing. Do they know about that?"

"I know Castiel does, but I'm not sure if Dean knows." Sam replied. "But Jess...I am going to try and persuade Dean as much as I can to move us out there with Cas. He deserves this happiness," he hugged her close. "But that doesn't mean I don't love you any less."

Jess snuggled against him with a soft sigh. "Honestly, I don't fully understand your willingness to move, but... I support you. I really do. I love you, Sam." 

Sam kissed the top of her head. "I love you too, Jess. It' just...Dean has sacrificed his life for me, and he's willing to give up the happiness he has with Castiel just to keep me happy. I can't do that to him, you know?"

Jess closed her eyes for a moment. "Yeah... I know. You do promise to keep in contact though, yeah?"

"Hey, kiddos. Food's ready," Dean looked into the living room, then joined Castiel again in the kitchen

"Of course. I'm not giving you up for anything," Sam replied, kissing her softly. "Remember, just treat Cas like normal, but let him know that. He's going to be skittish for a little while." he murmured, taking her hand and lacing their fingers together as they walked into the kitchen.

Castiel shifted slightly, clearly nervous as Jess came in and he handed them their plates.

Jess felt a bit nervous herself when she saw Castiel. It was easier to see him in a shirt. She managed a small smile as she accepted the plate. "Thanks, Cas," she murmured. "Smells good..."

Dean watched them closely, and visibly relaxed when he heard Jess speak.

Castiel offered her an uneasy smile in return. "Thank you," he replied. "I...I hope you enjoy it."

"I think I will," she said with a small nod. "You always cook good food..."

Castiel's smile grew softer. "Thank you."

Sam gave her a soft smile as he took her to the table, where they waited for Dean and Cas to sit down, and for Castiel to finish his prayer before they started to eat.

Dean sent Sam and Jess a small, grateful smile as they started to eat. He couldn't help but sigh happily at the first bite - it tasted really good.

Sam returned the smile with a slight nod.

Castiel was still more tense than usual, but he looked at the others. "Did it come out alright?" he asked.

"It's awesome. Don't know why you worry, you have like, magical fingers. You make everything taste good," Dean said.

Jess nodded in agreement to what Dean said.

Castiel's face relaxed into a real smile. "Thank you,"

"There's a reason I asked for bourbon chicken, Cas," Sam smiled as he ate. "And since you and Dean both made the pie, I can't wait to taste it."

Dean chuckled. "Yeah... Let's hope that the pie is at least half as good as this. I dunno if the crust and filling became victims of the flour war or not."

Sam chuckled. "My brain was a victim of that war," he replied.

Castiel flushed softly, and continued to eat, a lot quieter than usual.

"But in the end, you made my ass the victim, you brat," Dean said, but he wasn't actually mad. He gently nudged Castiel's foot with his own.

Sam just grinned in return. "You were asking for it,"

Castiel gently pressed their legs together under the table.

"Me? Yeah. My ass? No." Dean stuck out his tongue at Sam, then looked at Castiel with a small smile.  
Sam just laughed.

Castiel offered Dean a small smile in return. Sam nudged Jess gently, nodding towards the couple, obviously in love just looking at each other. Jess smiled, slightly amused. She didn't need Sam to point it out, it was clear as day.

Castiel finished his meal, getting up to retrieve the pie from the oven. Dean turned slightly so that he could watch Castiel.

Sam chuckled. "Dean, you know what else is legal in California?" he asked as he watched his brother keep an eye on Castiel.

Dean raised a brow as he glanced at Sam, then looked back at Castiel. "... No. Why?"

"Same-sex marriage," Sam murmured, eyes glancing at Castiel as he sliced the pie, making plates for all of them.

Dean was quiet for a moment as he looked at Castiel, then turned to stare at Sam. "... Really?"

Sam nodded. "It's been legal there for a few years now," he murmured quietly.

Dean chewed on his lip as he lowered his gaze to the table. He'd never really believed that he'd get married or have kids, and he felt that it was too early to think about. Still, it made the cogs turn, and he knew he probably wouldn't be able to sleep that night because he would be thinking about it.

Castiel came back a few moments later, setting a plate with a slice of pie in front of everyone. 

Dean blinked, then smiled slightly as he looked at Castiel.

Castiel returned the smile, sitting down.

Sam took a bite of his pie, letting out a lewd moan. "Perfect."

Jess giggled quietly. "Oh Sam..."

Dean rolled his eyes at Sam, and was quiet as he took the first bite, returning to his thoughts.

Castiel remained quiet himself, although he wondered what had happened to make Dean so quiet. He ate his pie slowly, and when he had finished, got up to clear away the plates and start washing the dishes.

Dean followed Castiel with his eyes, and just watched him for a moment before getting up. "Hey, why don't I do that, so that you can go take a shower...?"

Castiel bit his lips slightly before he handed it over to Dean. "Okay," he murmured, heading upstairs to take a shower.

Dean smiled slightly as he watched Castiel go, then turned to focus on washing the dishes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys! Uke and I are happy to announce that we'll be posting yet another fanfic every Tuesday, in addition to Beat the Odds on its normal Sunday, Wednesday, Friday schedule. This fic, called Life's a Bitch (Even If You're Not One), will start this Tuesday, so keep your eye out for it!
> 
> ~Cinder


	38. Breakdowns and Blowjobs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILERS**
> 
> Unfortunately, Castiel was massively triggered by the events in the kitchen, causing him to have a breakdown in the bathroom. Dean does his best to care for his boyfriend, but at the same time can't help thinking about what it would be like to be married. In the morning, Castiel repays Dean with some hot morning blowjobs.
> 
>  **TRIGGER WARNINGS**  
>  Massive panic attack, mentions of desire to self harm, low self esteem.

Castiel spent a long time in the shower, and even longer just being in the bathroom, staring at his scarred body in the mirror. He felt disgusting, tainted, unclean, and his hands itched to find a razor. He closed his eyes and slumped against the wall, calling out Dean's name, fighting a relapse.

Dean had been a bit worried about Castiel when he didn't get out of the bathroom for longer than it usually took him to shower. He lingered in their room after the dishes and the kitchen had been cleaned, the door wide open so he could hear if something happened. He almost tripped over his own feet when he heard Castiel call for him, and he hurried to the bathroom, worried and maybe a bit scared. The bathroom door was locked, so he knocked on it gently. "Cas? Cas, I'm here. Just gotta let me in, okay?"

Castiel reached and unlocked the door with shaking hands, wanting to throw something at the mirror so he could stop seeing himself in it.

Dean opened the door and slipped inside, then closed and locked it again to give them some privacy. "Hey, hon... What's the matter?" he asked softly as he sat down beside Castiel, looking worriedly at him.

For once, Castiel flinched away as Dean got closer. He didn't want Dean to touch him. "I want to hurt," he admitted softly. "I want to cut, but I don't want to hurt you..." he murmured.

Dean frowned as he watched the other. He scooted further away, not wanting to back Castiel into a corner, even though it hurt that he couldn’t be closer. "Yeah, I... I'd rather be punched than have you do that," he mumbled, keeping his eyes on Castiel.

Castiel curled up, shaking. "How do you look at me?" he asked. "How can you not be absolutely disgusted? Everyone else is..."

"Sam isn't disgusted, Jess isn't disgusted, Bobby would be understanding... I'm not disgusted. I don't let the scars define you. You're just Cas, to me. Not 'Cas, the guy with the scars'..." Dean braced himself, knowing that Castiel probably had more to say. 

"You could have anyone," Castiel murmured. "Anyone. You could have a pretty blond girl with a perfect body, or a fucking male underwear model. But you settled for me, and I don't understand..." his voice was cracking, clearly trying hard to hold it together regardless.

"But I don't want to be with someone just because they have the 'ideal body'. I honestly don't give a flying fuck. Unless someone looked like the Grinch. Then I might worry. But I really don't want to be with someone because they're pretty. I want you, because... You're you."

Castiel started to cry then, shaking. He hadn't bothered getting dressed, and he looked so vulnerable. "I love you, Dean." he whimpered. "And I just feel like I'm holding you back."

Dean ran a hand through his hair, hurting with his boyfriend. It wasn’t easy to see him so upset, hurting so much. "Honestly, Cas... You're not holding me back. You spend so much time on helping me with school - I'm surprised your grades haven't dropped. You're always supportive of me, of everyone. You're sweet and understanding, you're great at art, you have a talent for cooking, you rarely ask for things... You always do your best, and always try to help. You're amazing, Cas." He looked at his boyfriend while he spoke, and while he wanted nothing more than to hold Castiel in his arms, but not wanting to make him uncomfortable.

Castiel continued to cry for a little bit before he moved closer to Dean, now seeking the physical comfort the other offered.

Dean gently grabbed Castiel and pulled him onto his lap. He wrapped his arms around Castiel, holding him close. "I love you too, Cas."

Castiel buried his face into Dean's shoulder, letting the other take care of him. Jess' shock had hurt him more than he had thought, and he felt guilty about it. But he was also so, so afraid of losing the people who had given him hope for the first time. Dean shifted slightly and started to hum softly while gently rocking them both, holding Castiel tightly in arms.

Castiel slowly relaxed under Dean's attention, his sobs quieting down. "I love you," he whispered softly after a while. "And I never want to let you go..."

"I'm not going to leave easily. You're too important to me. I'll do anything for you," Dean mumbled.

"As I will for you," Castiel murmured in reply, placing his hand over Dean's heart, splaying his fingers out.

Dean placed his hand on top of Castiel's, and looked down at their hands as carefully rubbed his thumb over Castiel's ring finger. Castiel's eyes were closed, and he thought nothing of it, breathing in Dean's scent and taking comfort in the touches.

Dean let his mind wander, thinking of what Sam had said earlier. If he and Castiel got married... Would he be Dean Novak, or would Castiel take Winchester? Would they mash their last names together, or would they keep their original names? He bet that gold would suit Castiel, though maybe he preferred silver.

Castiel was oblivious to Dean's thoughts, and just took comfort from being in his boyfriend's arms. "Thank you," he whispered. "For sticking through, even when I let my mind get the better of me..."

It took a moment for Dean to realize that Castiel had spoken. "Oh, it's nothing, really... There's no way to magically cure you, so... I'm glad to do what I can."

Castiel tucked his face further into Dean's neck. "Let's...let's go to bed," he suggested softly, knowing that Dean was likely uncomfortable, holding his weight while sitting on the tiled floor.

"Mmh... You sure you feel like moving right now?" Dean mumbled. It wasn't the most comfortable way to cuddle, but he really didn't mind.

"You're uncomfortable." Castiel replied, slowly shifting off of Dean's lap, despite his mind's protests to moving away.

Dean sighed softly. "But... Okay." His shoulders slumped as he gave up, and waited for Castiel to stand up before also standing up. Castiel grabbed a towel to wrap around his waist, and another to wrap around his shoulders, not wanting to scare Jess again if they ran into her in the hallway. Dean unlocked and opened the door. When Castiel was ready, they both went to their bedroom.

In there, Castiel slowly removed the towels, just letting them drop to the floor before he crawled into bed. He knew Dean had promised to make up their earlier activities to him now, but he honestly wasn't in the mood. He just wanted to be held as he fell asleep.

Dean hesitated slightly, and decided to keep the shirt and sweats on. He wanted to make good on his promise, but Castiel was feeling like crap, so it probably wasn't the time. He slipped under the covers, and moved closer to Castiel.

Castiel curled into Dean's arms and he closed his eyes. "Good night, Dean. I'm sorry...I know you wanted to continue what we started earlier..." he felt a little guilty about it.

"Eh, it's fine... It's not the last night we'll spend together. I can manage without," Dean murmured, wrapping his arms around Castiel. "Good night, Cas. I love you."

"I love you too." Castiel murmured, falling asleep relatively quickly.

The next morning, Castiel woke before Dean did, and he could feel the other's erection pressing against his hip. He figured it was either morning wood or Dean was having an erotic dream, but either way, he wanted to help. Slowly, so he wouldn't wake the other, he shifted and slid his hands into Dean's pants, grasping the hard shaft and stroking it slowly. Dean whimpered quietly at the touch and tensed up, hips bucking weakly into Castiel's hands. His cheeks were slightly flushed, and his mouth was open, but he continued to sleep - though not as soundly as before.

Castiel started softly kissing at Dean's neck as he stroked, his other hand slowly pushing Dean's sweats and boxers down, giving him more room to work with. Dean let out soft, pleased noises, not holding back like he would at least try to do when he was awake. He mumbled something incoherent, his hands weakly grasping for something to hold onto while he started to stirr. Castiel felt himself harden in return at hearing the noises that Dean would normally try to hold, shuddering slightly. He shifted down out of Dean's arms, licking a drop of precome from the tip of Dean's erection.

Dean groaned quietly and his eyes fluttered open, his back arching slightly and more precome leaking out. "Huh... Wha...? Cas...?" He asked sleepily, and looked down at his boyfriend.

Castiel smiled. "Good morning," he murmured, before he took the head into his mouth, sucking and lapping at the slit.

Dean moaned. "What's the special treatment for...? Can't recall doing anything to deserve this," he mumbled.

Castiel pulled off so he could speak, continuing to stroke Dean. "You had an erection when I woke up. I felt bad about not doing anything with you last night, and decided to help." he went back down on Dean when he had finished speaking.

Dean shuddered and grabbed a hold of Castiel's pillow. "I see... You didn't have to... It is really nice, though." He buried his face into his pillow to muffle a moan.

Castiel smiled as best he could, loving to watch Dean come undone like this, because of him. He sucked particularly hard before he started coaxing Dean further down his throat, working it gently so he wouldn't suddenly gag. 

"Aaah fuck, Cas," Dean gasped out. He was still tired and Castiel's mouth felt so good around him - he couldn't think straight, and he let himself moan freely.

Castiel let out his own moan, completely turned on by Dean's noises. They were rare, and that just made them all the more arousing. He coaxed Dean down until the tip hit the back of his throat, and he swallowed around it before pulling his head back, sucking as he went.

Dean pressed his hips down, trembling slightly with the effort to keep still. "Oh God, fuck... So good," he murmured, his hold tightening on the pillow.

Castiel pulled all the way off, licking at the slit teasingly before he took Dean in his mouth again, going back down to his throat, swallowing and repeating the motions over and over, going a little faster each time.

Dean breathed heavily. Castiel only got better and better at giving oral, and he felt a bit embarrassed that he wasn't lasting as long anymore because of it. It didn't help that he had a very nice dream earlier, involving his boyfriend. "Cas, if you... Fuck, I think I'm gonna blow," he warned.

Castiel pulled back until the head was in his mouth, sucking hard and lapping at the slit with his tongue as he stroked the rest of Dean's erection with his hand. Dean clutched the pillow tight, muscles tensing. Soon he buried his face in the pillow to muffle a loud moan, trembling lightly as he came in Castiel's mouth. Castiel swallowed everything Dean gave him, sucking him through the aftershocks until Dean softened in his mouth. He let Dean slip free, panting, his own hips rolling slightly into the sheets, seeking friction.

Dean let go of the pillow and breathed heavily. He looked at Castiel, and motioned for him to get back up, and gently pulled him into a kiss. "You're awesome, Cas... How can I return the favor...?" he asked quietly.

Castiel returned the kiss, his body shaking. "However you want..." he whispered. "I just want to feel your mouth on me at some point...." it was rare for Castiel to request something for his own pleasure in bed. Normally he just went along with whatever Dean was in the mood for.

Dean licked his lips and nodded eagerly. After all that mess - and solving of said mess - about them and penetrative sex, he was happy when Castiel told him what he wanted, or at least gave him something to work with. He kissed Castiel again, and reached down to give his erection a few gentle strokes. Castiel whined into Dean's mouth, pressing his hips into Dean's hand as he shuddered. His lips parted a little more, inviting Dean in. Dean deepened the kiss and slipped his tongue inside Castiel's mouth, not minding the taste of himself. He rubbed his thumb over the tip of Castiel's erection.

Castiel trembled, moaning into Dean's mouth as he trembled. Dean broke the kiss when they needed to breathe, and then he moved down to kiss and nip at Castiel's neck, before slowly kissing his way down Castiel's body. He started to slowly stroke Castiel's erection and taking his time with the kisses.

Castiel was letting out soft noises, arcing into Dean's touch. "Deannn." he whimpered the other's name.

Dean hummed softly, and moved lower and lower. He stopped moving his hand when he was in level with Castiel's crotch. He held his boyfriend's erection in his hand to keep it in place, and slowly licked at the shaft. Castiel keened, his hands finding and grasping onto Dean's hair, breathing hard. Dean closed his eyes for a moment. and swirled his tongue around the head of Castiel's cock. He teased the slit with the tip of his tongue, before wrapping his lips around the head to suck gently. Castiel let out a moan, his hands clenching slightly. 

Dean pulled off, and started to lick and suck on the shaft. "Pull on my hair all you want, just don't rip my scalp off," he murmured. He used his free hand to fondle Castiel's balls. Every now and then he would give Castiel's erection a few strokes.

Castiel let out a soft moan, tugging gently on Dean's head, trying to guide him towards the head of his cock. Dean couldn't help but chuckled softly, then gave in and let Castiel guide him. He kissed the tip of his erection, before wrapping his lips around the head again and sucking gently. Castiel moaned, his hips pressed up slightly into Dean's mouth. Dean closed his eyes and focused on relaxing while he slowly took more of Castiel's cock into his mouth, humming softly.

Castiel keened again, getting closer and closer to the edge. "Close..." he whimpered. Dean was getting just as good at giving oral.

Dean sucked more of the length into his mouth. He stilled when he'd taken in as much as he could and focused on sucking, his hand stroking the bit he couldn't fit into his mouth. Castiel moaned loudly, not trying to muffle himself, his body tensing. Dean hummed softly and swallowed. He stopped fondling Castiel's balls, and instead rubbed his thumb against the skin behind them.

Castiel cried out, shaking as he tensed further, assaulted by the sensation "Dean...I...." he whimpered out, before he let go and came into the other's mouth.

Dean sucked and swallowed, doing his best to get everything. He rubbed a hand over Castiel's thigh while he orgasmed. When it was over, he pulled his mouth off with a wet sound and then licked off any come that he might've missed. He smiled as he was done, and rested his head on Castiel's stomach as he caught his breath.

Castiel gave Dean a soft smile. "That was great," he murmured, petting Dean's hair.

"Mmh... I bet you'd change your mind if you could give yourself a blowjob. You're awesome at it," Dean mumbled.

Castiel chuckled breathily. "I'm glad you enjoy them," he murmured, coaxing Dean back up to kiss him. 

Dean didn't budge, and nuzzled his head against Castiel's stomach. Then he paused, and looked up at his boyfriend with a mischievous look in his eyes. The next moment, he was blowing raspberries on Castiel's pale tummy.

Castiel let out a squeak, squirming underneath Dean. "Dean!" he laughed, the tickling sensation almost torturous. Dean snickered, and used his fingers to tickle Castiel's sides, taking deep breaths to blow some more raspberries on his skin. He loved the sound of Castiel's laughter.

Castiel squirmed and laughed hard, his hands trying to push Dean's away. "Dean!" he laughed out, lunging down to try and tickle Dean's side in return.

Dean laughed as he continued to tickle Castiel. "No!" he yelped while still laughing, and he dodged Castiel's hands by rolling off him and to the side, not realizing he left himself open for an attack.

Castiel lunged immediately, pinning Dean's hips down and digging his fingers into Dean's side, grinning as he tickled the other. Dean almost shrieked with laughter, writhing under his boyfriend while trying to push him off, but not having the strength to do so at the moment. Castiel grinned as he tickled Dean, shifting with Dean's weight so he couldn't be bucked off.

Dean continued to laugh, his head tossed back as he arched and squirmed, trying to get away. Castiel tickled him for another moment before he stopped, laughing and leaning down to kiss the smiling lips of the other. When he pulled away, his entire face was smitten, and the love he felt for the other was visible. Dean breathed heavily as he looked up at Castiel, his chest tightening at the look on his boyfriend's face. He couldn't do anything but stare into the blue eyes, his own eyes a bit glassy from the tickle fight and the sudden wave of emotion that washed over him. Man, he loved Castiel, andwas so glad he was feeling better.

Castiel leaned down and wrapped his arms around Dean, kissing him tenderly, his eyes sliding closed as they kissed. Dean let his hands rest on Castiel's back as he kissed back, feeling warm and safe.

"I love you," Castiel whispered against Dean's lips. "I love you more than anything."

"I love you too, Cas," Dean murmured, sighing happily as his eyes closed. Castiel broke the kiss, nuzzling his face into Dean's neck, content to just lay there.

Dean's mind wandered as they just laid there, and for a while it was quiet. "... Do you prefer gold, or silver?" he blurted out. His eye snapped open and he felt his cheeks burn. He hadn't meant to say that out loud, he’d just imagined asking Castiel that.

"Mmm....silver, probably," he replied, dozing off on top of Dean in the comfortable silence. "Why?"

"Oh... Nothing, really, just a random thought." Dean closed his eyes and chewed on his lip.

"Mm..." Castiel hummed in reply, his eyes closed and his lips resting against Dean's neck.

Dean drew lazy patterns on Castiel's back with his fingers. "Wanna sleep some more...?"

"Yeah..." Castiel mumbled, although he was completely comfortable on top of Dean, and made no effort to move.

"Mmh... Let's sleep some more, then," Dean said softly, giving no signs that he would move either. Castiel nodded, and drifted off not much longer later, his face in Dean's neck. Dean closed his eyes, and fell into a state of half awareness, keeping his arms around Castiel.


	39. Easy Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILERS**
> 
> Castiel and Dean wake up and head down to make breakfast, where Sam does his best to push the case for California once more, pointing out how seriously Dean is considering proposing and that Naomi would no longer be his social worker. When Castiel and Jess encounter each other in the kitchen, things smooth out between them a little, though there's still some tension.
> 
>  **TRIGGER WARNINGS**  
>  Low self esteem, anxiety issues (not graphic)

Castiel woke an hour later, his back aching slightly from the position he had fallen asleep in. He yawned slightly before he shifted off of Dean onto his back, arcing it as he stretched.

Dean hummed softly and opened his eyes, completely awake after Castiel had moved. He turned his head to look at Castiel. "Mornin', again."

Castiel gave him a soft smile, kissing the tip of the other's nose. "We should get up..." he murmured.

Dean wrinkled his nose and sniffed at Castiel, then smiled softly. "We probably should, yeah... I'll make breakfast. Or brunch. Something. What do you want?"

"Mmm...something with toast." Castiel murmured, stretching once more before getting up, pulling on one of his long sleeved shirts and jeans.

Dean hummed as he also got out of bed, and pulled on some clothes. "Is there any pie left from last night?"

"There should be half of it left," Castiel replied, making a slight face at how messy his hair was.

"Awesome." Dean looked at Castiel with a smile, personally finding the messy hair adorable, before heading downstairs to the kitchen. Castiel tried to tame his hair a little before giving up, heading downstairs as well.

Sam was in the kitchen, making coffee. "Morning. Did you and Cas have fun this morning?" he made a face.

Dean put on an innocent face. "Yeah. The tickle fight was very fun. Cas is very adorable when he's writhing and laughing." He grabbed the toaster, and winced at the noise it was making. "Man, it sure is time to get a new toaster..."

Sam snorted. "Yeah...tickle fight." he rolled his eyes. "Yeah, we should definitely get one when we get to California." he suggested casually.

Dean plugged the toaster in, then paused at Sam's words. He glanced quickly at his brother, then licked his lips and swallowed. "... I guess," he said as he grabbed the bread, and put some slices in the toaster.

Sam sighed. "You're still debating moving or staying, aren't you?"

"Like a reasonable guy. It's big, Sam. It's not just... Moving two towns over, or a nearby state."

"I know," Sam replied. "But still. I want us to go." he told the other. "You'll be so much happier there."

Dean was quiet as he chewed on his lip, leaning against the counter as he looked out the small kitchen window. "... Gotta see if we can find you a good school before anything's decided."

"Valencia is right next to L.A." Sam pointed out. Valencia was the town that the California Institute of Arts was located, and where Castiel would be moving to. "There are plenty of good schools in L.A."

"Well, that's convenient I guess." Dean grabbed a plate, then grabbed the slices of bread when they popped out of the toaster. "Not too far away. L.A's a fun city, too."

"Exactly. I'll start doing research into the schools and apartments." Sam promised.

"... Yeah. Okay." Dean ran a hand through his hair, knowing he wouldn’t be able to stop Sam.

Sam pat Dean on the back. "You'll be happier, Dean." he murmured. "I want to keep our little family together."

Dean took a deep breath. "I get that, but still... You have Jess here and I just... Ugh. It's too early for this." He rubbed his eyes and sighed.

"It's one pm," Sam pointed out dryly. "And I know I have Jess, but I'll still have her when we move. I just what to give you the chance to be really happy. You've already been thinking of proposing since I brought up that California allows same-sex marriage, haven't you?" 

Some times, it surprised Dean how well Sam knew him, even if they were closer than most siblings. "So what if I have?" he mumbled.

Sam gave him a sincere smile. "You want to spend your life with Cas, Dean. And I want to give you that chance. Besides, I'd be cool to have him as a brother-in-law, and my other legal guardian." he chuckled.

Dean's cheeks turned red, and he furrowed his brows. "You sound like you're expecting us to get married as soon as we get to California. I'm still thinking about all of it. We haven't even been together a year, not even half a year, and I don't even know if he'd be interested..."

Sam laughed. "If you haven't figured that out yet, then you don't really know Cas that well." he teased. "Also, my case would be taken away from Naomi, since she's Kansas only..." he knew that would tempt Dean sorely.

Dean frowned, taking what Sam said about Castiel a bit too seriously. The idea of getting away from Naomi made it slightly better. Though only slightly. "... Yeah. That's true. It'd be nice to get her off our backs... Ugh. Homophobic bitch."

"Couldn't have phrased it better myself." Sam replied.

Castiel entered the kitchen then, his hair just as messy as earlier. "Hello, Sam." he greeted.

"Hey Cas, have fun this morning?" 

"I very much enjoyed myself, thank you." Castiel replied, cheeks slightly pink.

Dean turned to give Castiel a smile, then went to make himself some coffee, not really knowing what to say. His mind was going over the marriage thing again, and he was pretty sure he'd get a headache if it continued. Castiel looked at Dean curiously, wondering why he looked like he was in deep thought. Maybe he had spoken with Sam about California. He tried not to get his hopes up as he retrieved some strawberry jelly, spreading it on the toast Dean had made.

Dean sipped his instant coffee, and looked at Sam. "... Where's the missus, then? I can't remember if she stayed over or not."

"She's grabbing a shower," Sam replied. "She has to go home today, since we have school tomorrow."

Dean nodded. "All right." He'd hoped that she'd gone home already, for Castiel's comfort.

Castiel took a deep breath and let it out. "Sam?" he asked quietly. "What...what does she think of me, now...?"

Sam turned. "Cas, she doesn't hate you," he told the other. "She was shocked, but she wants to try to understand."

Dean watched them quietly, and kept a close on Castiel especially. He blinked as he heard footsteps upstairs, as Jess stepped out of the bathroom and went to get dressed.

Castiel nodded slowly, looking down at his toast. 

"She still cares about you," Sam replied softly. "You're still Cas. Hell, you can't even tell when you're clothed, and I forget that you have them regularly. And I know that as far as Dean and myself, we don't give a shit."

"It'll be okay. Just give her some time to let it sink in, and everything will be fine," Dean murmured, reaching out to touch Castiel's shoulder. Castiel leaned into the touch, and he sighed, before he closed his eyes to pray before he began to eat, staying quiet.

Jess soon came downstairs, dressed in jeans and a t-shirt. She smiled as she went into the kitchen. "Hi guys. Did you two sleepy-heads sleep well?"

Dean chuckled. "Yeah, I think so."

"We had a very good night," Castiel replied, a small smile on his face. "And yours?" he was trying, trying so hard to keep everything normal, trying to remind her that he was still the same person.

Jess turned her focus on Castiel, her smile widening slightly. "I slept well. Sam's like a human furnace... It's really nice when it's cold outside."

"Dean is the same way. It may be a biological thing," he chuckled lightly, eating his toast.

"I bet it's because you're both tiny," Dean teased back, exaggerating a bit.

Jess huffed. "You're both guys! And Cas isn't that much shorter than you..."

"Mmh... That's true. Still shorter, though." Dean looked at Castiel, and gently poked his cheek. Castiel turned his head and caught Dean's finger between his lips, his eyes sparkling as he looked at the other.

Dean's eyes widened, and he stared at Castiel, clearly surprised. "... I've got nothing for you on my finger, Cas."

Castiel laughed and let go of Dean's finger, smiling. "The look on your face." he replied, finishing his food.

Dean stared at him, then turned to Sam and Jess, realizing that they found it just as amusing as Castiel did. He huffed softly and muttered something, then sipped his coffee. Castiel leaned over and kissed his cheek, picking up after himself.

"Well, we're outta here." Sam told Dean. "Jess and I are heading to the movie theater."

Dean smiled at Castiel, then looked at Sam and Jess. "... Be careful, and call if you need anything- the usual."

Jess smiled. "Don't worry, we'll stay safe."

Sam nodded, wrapping his arm around Jess' waist as they walked out.


	40. Drunken Pictures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILERS**
> 
> Everything was going well for Dean and Castiel until some lewd pictures of Dean begin spreading throughout the school. Dean is devastated, and ends up harming himself before having a breakdown in the Impala. Castiel does his best to care for his boyfriend, and keeps him at home the next day so they can just relax and recover from a horrible day.
> 
> **MASSIVE TRIGGER WARNINGS**  
>  Graphic descriptions of self harm and the after effects, panic attacks, low self esteem, sexual harassment, bullying, depressive episodes, fresh self harm cuts.
> 
> **THIS CHAPTER IS FILLED WITH VERY GRAPHIC TRIGGERS, IF ANY OF THIS TRIGGERS YOU PLEASE READ THE SUMMARY INSTEAD**

A couple of weeks passed by, and it got colder. Jess had proved to Castiel that she didn't think less of him, and everything was pretty much back to normal. Dean was a bit more relaxed in general, as he'd started to teach self defense to Castiel, and luckily his boyfriend was a fast learner. He still worried, but not as much as he used to. With Uriel and Alistair gone, school wasn't that bad either. He had passing grades and didn't feel like he had to look behind himself every 5 seconds, even if he some times managed to rile up a few football players every now and then.

Dean was in school when something happened, and he was busy trying to get work done that he had first hadn't noticed that people were staring and whispering more than usual. When he noticed that people were doing that, he couldn't understand why at first. It wasn't until he checked his phone during lunch that he got to know. Someone thought it had been fun to send out photos of him: very inappropriate photos that had been taken at parties that he'd gone to with his old “friends”. The rest of the day felt like torture, with people sending explicit or mean texts to him, and some idiots making loud, lewd comments that he couldn’t escape from.  
When school was over, Dean took a long time to get back to Bobby's, having stayed behind in one of the school’s bathrooms to silently let out his pain by using a pocket knife on his thighs. Sam had gone home with Jess that afternoon, so he had all the time in the world since he didn’t have to worry about his brother.

It was just so hard to stop himself from hurting himself. Ever since the school year started, bad thing after bad thing had happened, and he was just so tired. So tired of all the pressure that had been put on him, how he’d gone from the popular guy to an outsider, from a kid with a drunk father to an orphan who hadn’t gotten much in return when he spent all of his energy to get his brother back. Not to mention the stress of his boyfriend being hurt pretty much all the time. Dean didn’t know how he’d gone so long without harming himself, but that day he just couldn’t stay away from it anymore.

Much later than usual, Dean finally got back to Bobby’s place, not feeling much better. He opened the front door and stepped inside. He found it hard to breathe, and every inch of him was itching, the cuts hurting as the denim of his jeans rubbed against them. With every part of his being, he hoped that Castiel hadn't checked his phone, or preferrably not received the pictures at all. 

Castiel was sitting on the couch at Bobby's, wearing the sweater that Dean had given him for his birthday, as well as curled up underneath some blankets, as he worked on schoolwork. He had applied for, and been granted, permission to continue school virtually, so he was taking his classes online instead of having to go to school. It was a total relief for him, and he was consequently much less stressed out.

Bobby's heater was shot for the moment, and the older man had to go to the nearby city to get parts for it, so Castiel was freezing, and looking forwards to Dean's return, so they could cuddle.

When Dean and Sam weren't home around their normal time, Castiel started to worry. Alistair and Uriel still hadn't been found, and so he grabbed his phone to text Dean and make sure the other was okay.

There was a few photos waiting for him from an unknown number, and his eyes widened in shock. They were all photos of a clearly drunk Dean. One was a picture of him with his tongue shoved down the throat of some blonde girl, his hand clearly on her breast underneath her shirt, another of Dean completely naked on top of a pool table, and the last of another girl on a couch, her legs spread and Dean clearly giving her oral sex.

He was still in shock when Dean walked into the house, eyes unable to look away from his phone, as much as he wanted to.

Dean quietly went further into the house, and stopped as he saw Castiel. He wasn't sure if he dared to say anything, but noticing the look on his boyfriend's face and seeing the phone in his hand, he was quite sure that saying something was the last thing he wanted to do. He immediately turned around and headed straight back out the front door. He wasn't really thinking, his legs just moved on their own.

When Castiel heard the door close, he looked up, and saw the Impala in the front yard. "Dean?" he called out. When he received no answer, he got up and made his way outside, catching Dean just as he slid back into the driver's seat. "Dean, wait!"

Dean actually dropped the keys when he heard Castiel's voice, and he cursed loudly as he fumbled with picking the keys up. His heart was racing and his hands were shaking. He cursed again, because he couldn't drive like that. Not without risking crashing into something.

Castiel moved closer, but he didn't embrace Dean like he wanted to, not sure if the other wanted to be touched. "Dean, come inside." he asked softly. "I don't think anything different of you, I'm not judging you for drunken mistakes. Just...please, I'm worried about you." Castiel's face was full of concern.

Dean slumped forward in the seat, gripping the steering wheel tightly as he rested his forehead against it, his shoulders raised defensively. "With my luck, I bet there's more... Fucking shit," he whispered, not moving an inch.

Castiel slowly moved forwards, crouching down and slowly, ready to pull back if Dean didn't want it, laid his hand on the other's back. "Dean..." he murmured. "It's all going to be okay." he tried to comfort the other.

Dean gritted his teeth and squeezed his eyes shut. "How can you be so damn calm about this shit? Almost everyone has now seen me naked, and... And..." He resisted the urge to yell.

Castiel just moved forwards and wrapped his arms around Dean, holding him close. "I'm not calm, Dean. I'm trying not to have an attack because I'm so damned worried about you right now. But I know that me freaking out is the last thing you need." he held the other close, pressing comforting kisses to where he could reach. "It wasn't a secret, Dean. That you were very sexually active. I knew about it before we even started dating, and especially afterwards, when girls were telling me that you had to be straight, you had slept with them. So I don't care. I'm not judging you, and I just want to try to help you."

"... I- I'm triggering you...?" Dean asked quietly, his voice cracking even if his grip on the wheel loosened up. He refused to lift his head though, and kept his eyes closed, trying to will all the bad thoughts away. "Fucking hell... I'm - shit, Cas... I'm so sorry."

"I'm just worried," Castiel murmured, trying to keep Dean as close as he could. "I just don't want you to leave, and for something to happen to you. I just want you inside and safe with me..." Castiel murmured. He was shivering now, the cold getting to him as he tried to comfort the other.

Dean swallowed, and tried to tell Castiel that he would be fine, but he couldn't get the words out and he let out a frustrated noise as he slammed a fist on the dashboard. He knew lying wasn't good, but it made him angry anyway that he couldn't do it. Angry at himself for worrying Castiel.

Castiel flinched, having to let go of Dean when the other hit the dashboard to avoid getting hurt himself. The concern on his face deepened, and he was shaking, from both the cold (which he wasn't dressed well for at the moment, having been using blankets inside) and from his anxiety. He wished he could do more, say more to help, but he didn't know what he could do to make the situation better. It was hurting to watch Dean fall apart like this, and he didn't know what to do.

Dean bit into his lip as he felt Castiel pull away. Even if he was wearing a jacket, he still felt cold at the loss of contact. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." His voice was strained. He didn't know if he should tell Castiel to leave him be, or if he should come back inside. It didn't feel like he deserved to be inside the house.

"It's all right," Castiel replied, voice soft. "I...I'll be inside if you need me." he whispered, trying to keep an even voice, although internally he was crashing, and blaming himself for not being able to do more for Dean. It was then that he noticed the red lines through Dean's jeans on his thighs, and his stomach dropped out. He swallowed hard, and shakily stood.

Dean let out a small noise, acknowledging what Castiel said. Now he couldn't go inside. He knew that he should say something or go back inside, anything to make sure Castiel didn't break down. He just couldn't do it. As soon as he knew that his boyfriend was heading back, he closed the door and laid down across the seat. He almost laughed at himself. He was a terrible boyfriend - and what would Sam and Bobby say when they heard about this? They surely would scold him and tell him he’s an idiot.

Castiel kept a close eye on the Impala, despite the fact that he was having a breakdown of his own. He felt horrible, because he couldn't help Dean more. He played with the leather bracelet on his wrist, that he rarely removed, and tended to use as a lifeline while he broke down. 

After a while, he retrieved his phone and called the number that had sent him the photos, assuming that it would be closer to, if not, the source of the photos. Considering that two of them were of Dean engaging in sexual relations with women, it would make sense to send them almost immediately to said person's boyfriend. 

After a few rings, the person Castiel had called picked up their phone. "Yo. Tom speaking," the guy greeted. "Who's this?" Tom was one of the guys that everyone at school knew about. He openly shouted lewd things when no teachers were around, and acted like he owned the town.

"Hello, Tom." Castiel said politely. It wasn't surprising; Dean had been kind of friends with him before he started dating Castiel. "I was wondering what you thought of those pictures of Dean Winchester that you sent me?" 

It was quiet for a bit. "... Uh. They're hilarious. It was a lot funnier when it happened, but they're still funny. Why? It's not like any of it is a secret or something."

"No, but you still had no right to distribute something clearly not hilarious to suit your own twisted needs." Castiel replied, still with the same polite voice. "So I was just calling to tell you that you should go and fuck yourself, or better yet, stay in the closet. You clearly enjoyed taking pictures of an attractive male nude or partially nude, and I'd just like to inform you that no male in their right mind would even consider you."

"...The fuck! I'm not gay! You shouldn't just throw around assumptions like that, you freak! I... Go to hell! I'm not gay!"

"Oh honey," Castiel knew he was laying it on thick, but he was too mad not to continue, furious at this guy for causing Dean so much pain. "I, of all people, should know."

"W-what? What do you know? You don't know me! Don't claim to know something when you don't!"

"And you should follow that same advice. You don't know me, yet how many times did you help Alistair beat me into lockers?" he asked. "You assume who I am because of my sexuality, yet you cower when the same is done to you. You don't know me, or Dean, so fuck off."

Tom stuttered, trying to come up with a response, but no sound came out. "... Damn faggot!" he ended up yelling in the phone, before hanging up.

Castiel smiled, and opened his computer back up, placing an ad on craigslist for a sweet, sexy virgin girl interested in older men, and added Tom's phone number to it. He knew he shouldn't have stooped that low, but he was so done with people hurting Dean. When he finished, he got up, and took a deep breath, going outside to check on Dean. It was freezing out, and he hoped that Dean had at least turned on the heater in the Impala.

Dean was still laying down in the Impala, looking a lot less tense than he did earlier. He had simply stuck his hands under his armpits and curled up a bit in an attempt to keep warm, not feeling like wasting the heat on someone like himself. He didn’t look up when he heard someone approach the car.

Castiel looked in the driver's side, and his face turned shocked. He opened the door quickly. "Dean, your lips are blue, you're coming inside." he said firmly, wrapping his arms around the other and rubbing. He was absolutely freezing, and Castiel was worrying.

Dean let out a small huff, but leaned into Castiel, accepting the embrace and his warmth. He'd calmed down a lot, and he didn’t have any energy to fight Castiel’s concern. He was tired, he ached, and Castiel had come back to check on him despite his behaviour. Might as well do as he said. "Okay," he mumbled.

Castiel helped Dean out of the Impala and into the house, setting him down on the couch and pulling the blankets over the other before heating up some chicken noodle soup in the microwave, bringing it back to Dean. His laptop was still open, the advertisement on the screen.

Dean couldn't help himself, he just had to look at the computer. He'd never seen or heard Castiel talk about craigslist. It was surprising, he just had to sneak a peek. The advertisement confused him though. When Castiel came back, he made a gesture at the computer and raised a brow, before carefully taking the soup.

Castiel smirked. "I may or may not have just posted that, with Tom's number, he was the one who sent out the pictures." Castiel slipped underneath the blankets with Dean, curling up close to offer him more warmth.

Dean smiled bitterly. He wasn't surprised that Tom would be behind it. They had been friends before, but ever since he got with Castiel and left the football team, the guy had loved fucking with him. "Serves him right I guess," he said quietly, carefully blowing on his spoon before putting it in his mouth.

Castiel nodded, rubbing his hands over Dean's torso, trying to warm him up more. Carefully, one hand descended to Dean's thigh, rubbing it gently, trying hard not to hurt it.

Dean tensed up. He didn't know how Castiel could handle it. He was supposed to be there for Castiel when these things happened, not the other way around. "... I'm sorry," he murmured.

"I don't blame you. I just wished you would have called me first," Castiel murmured. "Let me bandage them up, so they don't get infected, please?"

Dean grimaced, but nodded anyway. "Okay... Just... Not here. Bobby or Sam might... I don't know. Suddenly show up," he said quietly, even though it wasn’t that likely.

Castiel nodded in understanding, helping Dean up and keeping the blankets wrapped around the other as he helped him upstairs. Once there, he kissed Dean softly. "Pull your jeans down a little, enough to show them, and I'll be back." he went to the bathroom to retrieve the first aid kit.

Dean bit his lip as he pulled down his jeans. It hurt, and he wanted to scratch so badly, but he used his hands to tightly hold the blankets around him instead. He carefully sat down on the bed.

Caste came back in and kneeled in front of Dean, starting to clean the cuts. As he worked, he realized how much that his own cuts had hurt Dean. "I'm sorry," he whispered softly, as he started to bandage the cuts up.

Dean huffed softly. "You have nothing to apologize for, Cas..." He watched Castiel work, and was almost disappointed when he was done.

“I do," he replied softly, tapping his wrist gently. "I never understood how much I hurt you..."

Dean looked at Castiel's wrist, and sighed. "I guess we're even, then... As messed up as it sounds."

Castiel nodded quietly. "Yeah..." he murmured, helping Dean pull his jeans back on. "You're staying home with me tomorrow, sick day." he murmured, kissing Dean's forehead, noting with relief that color was coming back to Dean' s face and lips.

Dean nodded, sighing softly at the kiss. He didn't really think he could even manage to get up in the morning. "Doesn't sound so bad..."

Castiel smiled softly, before he sat next to Dean on the bed, opening his arms for the other.

Dean looked at him, then turned and put his legs up on Castiel's lap, then rested his head on his boyfriend's shoulder as he curled up a bit.

Castiel held Dean close, singing "Carry On My Wayward Son" softly as he rubbed his boyfriend's arm.

Dean closed his eyes and leaned against Castiel. He felt himself start to nod off after a bit. "Gonna fall asleep soon," he warned.

Castiel nodded, and shifted them both so they were underneath the covers. He wrapped his arms around Dean, cradling the other's head against his chest as he sang "Hey Jude."

It didn't take long before Dean was out like a light, snoring softly into Castiel's chest. He rarely snored, but it had been a cold, stressful day. Castiel just kept humming gently, kept awake long into the night by his thoughts, before he finally managed to fall asleep around 4 am.

Dean woke up in the morning and went to the bathroom, then went back to bed. He stared at Castiel for a long time, then curled up as much as possible on his side of the bed, not wanting to cuddle up to Castiel and accidentally wake him up. Castiel moved towards Dean in his sleep anyways, too used to the other's warmth to be able to sleep well without it anymore. Dean stretched out, and then loosely put his arms around Castiel. He relaxed at the warmth, and hoped that Bobby and Sam managed on their own that morning.

Castiel slept for another hour before he woke up, still extremely tired. But he looked up at Dean and offered him a smile. "How are you feeling?" he asked sleepily.

Dean wondered if he really should answer that honestly or not. "... Like crap. But well rested and warm." He had slept deeply from the point he fell asleep, to when his bladder decided he needed to get up.

Castiel hummed, and cuddled close, pressing soft kisses to Dean's neck and jaw. "We'll watch crappy Spanish soap operas and cuddle all day, if that'll help." he murmured.

Dean sighed quietly and caressed Castiel's side. "Sounds perfect... Just us. No idiots to ruin the day," he mumbled.

"No phones today either," Castiel told him. "Just us." he gently pressed his lips against Dean's in a long, slow kiss.

"No phones," Dean repeated quietly, agreeing whole heartedly. Looking at his phone was the last thing he wanted to do after what had happened the day before. He kissed back gently and scooted a bit closer, wrapping his arms tightly around Castiel's waist.

Castiel pressed close to Dean, continuing to kiss the other, knowing how much it helped to calm Dean down and relax him further. Dean made an appreciative noise, and rubbed a thumb against Castiel's back. He broke the kiss when he needed to breathe, and then kissed Castiel again. Castiel continued their long, slow kisses, running his hands all over Dean's body, tracing his muscles and the lines of his face with tender fingers.

Dean felt like he was melting under Castiel's touches. It was so nice that he could almost fall asleep. "Mmh, Cas..." he murmured, just feeling like saying his boyfriend's name.

"Dean..." Castiel whispered in return, sucking gently on Dean's lower lip.

Dean moaned quietly. "Love it when you do that," he mumbled.

"Good," Castiel whispered, sealing their lips back together, his arms holding Dean close and tightly. He threw his leg over Dean's hip, wanting to get closer.

Dean pushed a leg between Castiel's legs, their limbs now tangled together. He reached down to gently rub his hand over Castiel's ass. Castiel shivered. He loved it when Dean touched his ass, and he moaned softly back into the kiss, coaxing Dean's tongue into his mouth to suck gently on it. Dean rolled his hips when Castiel sucked on his tongue, and he reached down to grope Castiel's backside with both hands.

Castiel let out another moan, louder this time, and rocked his hips back into Dean's. "Is this what you want?" he asked softly, needing to make sure that Dean wanted this before he pressed it further.

"Yeah... I... I need to not think for a while," Dean murmured. He pressed soft kisses to the corners of Castiel's lips and to his cheeks.

Castiel nodded before he rolled his hips against Dean in earnest, shifting so Dean was on his back and he was straddling the other. "Let me take care of you," he whispered breathily into Dean's ear.

Dean sucked in a breath and nodded, hands going to Castiel's hips and squeezing gently. "Okay... You're free to do whatever," he murmured.

Castiel nodded, kissing down Dean's jaw and neck, finding the sensitive spots and sucking marks there, his hands slipping underneath Dean's shirt. Dean closed his eyes and moaned quietly, letting Castiel take control while he relaxed. He rubbed his thumbs over his boyfriend's hips. Castiel continued kissing Dean, parting only long enough to coax his shirt up and off, before he lowered his lips to suck a nipple into his mouth, kissing, licking, and sucking the sensitive nub.

Dean gasped softly and shuddered, letting one hand rest above his head while he ran the other through Castiel's hair. Castiel continued to pepper Dean's torso with kisses, leaning up to remove his own shirt, shivering slightly at the cold before he laid their bodies back together, enjoying Dean's warmth as he kissed the other on the lips, rolling his hips slowly but steadily. Dean kissed back and moved his hips in time with Castiel's, moaning at the friction. He moved his hands to touch Castiel's back.

Castiel pulled away when he needed to breathe, panting. He stopped his hips long enough to pull his pants and Dean's off, leaving them both naked before he settled back in the other's lap, taking both of their erections in one hand and stroking. Dean moaned and placed his hands on Castiel's thighs, squeezing them gently. He was staring up at his boyfriend with a warm look in his eyes.

Castiel let out a moan of his own, his eyes half-opened and trained on Dean's, only slivers of blue visible among the black. He stroked them together for a few more moments before he let go, reaching for the bedside table to grab the lube and condoms. He dropped the condoms on the bed and opened the lube, coating his own fingers.Dean eyes widened as he watched Castiel, and he licked his lips slowly as he rubbed the pale thighs. The thought of Castiel riding him sent shivers down his spine, but he didn't get his hopes up and continued to just watch. Castiel reached behind himself, and slowly started to finger himself open, letting out soft moans as he leaned forwards, burying his face into Dean's neck as he worked himself open.

Dean ran his hands over Castiel's legs, sides and back, and listened to the sounds that Castiel made. It sent a new wave of arousal through him, and he felt his cock throb. "Fuck... So good to me, Cas. So good," he murmured.

Castiel kissed Dean's neck, leaving hot, open mouthed kisses as he finished opening himself up. He pulled back, and shifted so he was straddling Dean again. "Help me?" he asked, his breath needy with want as he opened the condom and rolled it onto Dean's erection before trying to position himself over the other.

Dean swallowed and had to stop himself from nodding, knowing that it would be too enthustiastic. "Yeah... Sure," he mumbled. He shifted his hips slightly and held his erection, keeping it in place as he grabbed Castiel's hip and guided him. He almost stopped breathing as he felt the tip of his cock press against his boyfriend's hole. "There we go..."

Castiel let out a soft breath, looking at Dean with love on his face as he slowly sank down onto the other's erection, shuddering as he was stretched out, loving the fullness that came with being with Dean like this. He kept his descent slow until he was seated completely in Dean's lap, shuddering from the sensation.

Dean bit into his lip and curled his toes. It felt like he was deeper inside Castiel than he'd been before. He was much more relaxed with penetrative sex now, and could fully enjoy it now that he didn't worry about Castiel getting hurt. "Damn, Cas... You're so warm and tight..."

Castiel let out stuttered noises of pleasure, trembling. "I...I'm not sure what to do now." he admitted softly. He had never done anything like this, Dean had always been in control when they had penetrative sex.

Dean put his hands on Castiel's hips. "Well... You can grind and roll your hips, or you can... Move up and down," he murmured. Castiel nodded, putting his hands on Dean's chest to balance himself as he slowly started to grind against Dean, letting out gasps and groans at the sensation it was giving him. His own erection was prominent, and he leaned forwards slightly so he could get friction from Dean's abdomen.

Dean moaned and tossed his head back, letting himself get lost in the feeling of being inside of Castiel, of feeling Castiel's cock rub against and smear a bit of precome on his stomach. "Fuck, Cas... Fuck."

"Dean..." Castiel moaned, his body trembling before it spasmed as he rolled his hips a certain way to hit his prostate. He then started to lift his hips up and down, awkward at first until he found a comfortable rhythm .

Dean gasped as he felt the muscles clamp down, then groaned as Castiel started to move. Even if it was a bit slow, it was one of the best things he'd ever experienced. "You're so freaking hot," he murmured.

Castiel let out soft gasps and noises as he moved, glad that Dean was enjoying this as much as he was. "I love you..." he whispered out, slowly picking up the pace as he got more comfortable with doing this.

"I love you too," Dean replied softly, and steadied his grip on Castiel's hips. Soon he was helping out, keeping Castiel steady and pulling slightly to help lift his hips.

Castiel appreciated Dean's help, spasming as they found the right angle to hit his prostate, letting out a loud cry. Dean groaned at the feeling, and dug his heels into the mattress. He held Castiel's hips in a tight grip that would probably leave marks, and started to thrust his hips, meeting Castiel half way each time he was moving down.

Castiel was shaking, trying to rut against Dean's stomach each time they met. "Close..." he whimpered, his fingers digging into the skin of Dean's chest.

"Fuck... Do it, Cas..." Dean made a noise as he felt Castiel's nails dig into his skin, then bit into his lip as he thrusted a bit harder into his boyfriend, feeling his own climax building up.

Castiel cried out, his body tensing hard and clenching around Dean as he came over the other's stomach, letting out loud cries and other pleasures noises. Dean's eyes were big as he stared at Castiel in awe, and it only took two more thrusts before he stilled, shuddering and gasping as he came. Castiel slumped forwards when they were both finished, breathing heavily into Dean's shoulder. Sweat covered his body, and as they calmed down, he grew steadily colder from the evaporating water, and shivered.

When Dean had caught his breath, he quickly removed the condom and tied it up before putting it aside to dispose of later. Then he pulled the covers over the both of them, having felt the cold himself even if he'd been better off.

Castiel nuzzled into Dean's neck, not wanting to move from their current position. "Was that good?" he asked softly.

"Fuck, yeah... Damn, you came hard," Dean murmured, not feeling like moving either. "Ten out of ten- Would definitely do it again."

Castiel chuckled. "It felt very different, and you kept hitting my prostate harder than usual. Probably accounts for my harder-than-usual orgasm."

Dean hummed and wrapped his arms around Castiel. "Mmh... It didn't hurt though, right?"

Castiel shook his head. "I'm extremely satisfied." he replied. "I'm just the normal amount of sore." Castiel was always a little sore after sex, but he loved every moment of it. 

"Okay, that's good..." Dean had taken Castiel's words to heart about the soreness and everything else, but he still felt that he needed to ask every now and again.

Castiel kissed the skin in front of him. "I love you," he whispered. "So much."

Dean smiled softly. "I love you too, Cas... I really do."

Castiel smiled into Dean's shoulder. "Sam was showing me some apartments the other day..." he murmured. "I found one I liked a lot, but I'd like you to take a look at it too."

Dean was quiet for a moment then he nodded slowly. "Sure. I just need some coffee and then you can show me."

"Course," Castiel replied, still not wanting to move, comfortable under the covers and on top of Dean, although the mess between their stomachs was going to quickly become annoying.

Dean would've been happy to lay in bed all day, but he knew that was impossible when his stomach rumbled after a while. "Well shit..."

Castiel kissed his cheek before slowly pulling away, grimacing at the mess on their stomachs. "I'll make breakfast, is there anything in particular you want?" he asked.

Dean waved his hand dismisssingly after he sat up. "It's okay, I can make breakfast while you take a shower."

Castiel arced a brow at him. "What would you like for breakfast?" he repeated. Dean was skipping school for the sake of his mental health, and Castiel would be damned if he didn't take care of the other as best he could.

Dean blinked, and noticed the look in Castiel's eyes. He couldn't help but huff softly as he stepped down, letting Castiel have his way. "I guess... Bacon and eggs? If we don't have any, I wouldn't mind some toast."

"We have all three, I just went shopping two days ago," Castiel replied, kissing Dean gently before he went to grab a towel (they had taken to keeping one in their room) and cleaning up his stomach before getting dressed.

"Oh, okay. Bacon and eggs, then..." Dean lingered in bed for a bit, just watching Castiel, before getting out of bed to stretch. He inspected his thighs, then disposed of the used condom.

Castiel glanced at Dean's thighs as well. "Do we need to change the bandaging, or are they healing?" he asked,

"It stings and itches... I think it needs to be changed," Dean mumbled and grabbed the towel Castiel had used, using it himself to wipe off the mess on his skin.

Castiel nodded. "I'll get the kit," he replied, walking out of the room to retrieve it, coming back with everything he needed. "Sit down," he told the other, and when Dean did, he carefully peeled back the old bandages.

The bandages pulled at his skin where they'd gotten stuck and it hurt, but Dean didn't make a sound as he let Castiel work, looking at the wall instead of Castiel's hands.

Castiel hissed slightly a the sight of the red, angry lines. They shouldn't had been this bad, he had cleaned them thoroughly the previous night. "Dean...what did you use?" he asked softly.

Dean chewed on his lip as he looked away. He didn't want to have this conversation. "... Does it really matter?" he mumbled.

"Dean, I cleaned these out last night, and they're flaming red." he replied, working to try to clean them out again. "They look infected already."

Dean looked down, and he had to agree. "... I got a pocket knife... I used my lighter on it, hoping it'd do the trick... Then I... Kinda scratched at them with my nails in frustration."

Castiel nodded, no judgement whatsoever on his face. "We'll keep an eye on them," he replied. "And clean them twice a day, okay?" his voice was firm as he looked up at Dean.

Dean pressed his lips into a thin line, then nodded slowly, looking away again. "Yessir..." he mumbled.

"It's either that, or the hospital." Castiel replied. "Which I know you don't want." he finished cleaning them as best he could, putting an antiseptic on them before applying new bandages.

Dean huffed softly. "I'd rather be bedridden with the flu than go to the hospital." He looked down at his legs when Castiel had finished applying the bandages.

"My point," Castiel replied, leaning up to kiss Dean gently. "I'll go get breakfast started after I wash my hands." he murmured, packing the kit up and putting it back before making his way downstairs.

"Okay," Dean said quietly as he watched Castiel slip out of the room. He glanced at his jeans, and resisted the urge to pull out his phone. He went to the bathroom to freshen up a bit, then went to get dressed before he headed downstairs, choosing to wear sweats instead of jeans.

Castiel was busy cracking eggs into a skillet, another already sizzling with bacon. "Make yourself comfortable on the couch, I'll join you when everything is done," he offered the other a soft smile.

"Mmkay..." Dean went over to Castiel to give him a soft kiss on the cheek and a gentle pat on the hip, before exiting the kitchen and making himself comfortable in the living room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This art was done by Uke in late 2013, when the scene we just posted was actually written.


	41. Decision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILERS**
> 
> Castiel shows Dean the apartments and schools he and Sam had been looking at in California, and Dean is trying to make up his mind. Castiel reminds him that he doesn't have to decide just yet, and they enjoy soap operas and cuddles while they relax. After the soap operas, Castiel admits just how scared he is of losing his little family, and Dean finally makes one of the most important decisions of his life.
> 
>  **TRIGGER WARNINGS**  
>  None! :D Just a happy little chapter

Castiel smiled softly. Once the food was done, he plated it up and brought it out to Dean, joining him on the couch under the blankets. He said his normal prayer before they ate, Castiel keeping an eye on his boyfriend.

Dean pushed the food around on his plate for a bit, then started to eat slowly without any complaints or grimaces. "... How many rooms does that apartment have?"

"Two bedroom, two bathroom, a kitchen, and a living area." Castiel replied quietly. "Rent is $1000 a month...and it has a garage space." Castiel didn't have a car, and it was clear what he was suggesting with that.

Dean stopped chewing as he heard that, and swallowed. He had been listening to Castiel and Sam talk about California, apartments and schools and everything related to it. Though, he hadn't yet given a solid answer to if he was willing to move. He felt guilty about it, and maybe he was overthinking it, but he couldn't help it. "... Doesn't sound bad. It's not puke-green, is it?"

Castiel shook his head. "It's mainly white and blue," he replied, reaching to grab his laptop and finding the listing, turning it towards Dean.

Dean looked at the screen, and clicked through the photos. It really was a nice apartment. Big enough to be comfortable for the three of them. The garage space was a bonus, and it didn't seem to be far from a bus stop. "... It really does look and sound nice."

Castiel nodded. "It's only a twenty minute walk to campus, too." he replied.

"That's even better..." Dean stared at the photos while he chewed on his lip, thinking hard about it.

Castiel scooted a little closer, and pulled up another tab that he had bookmarked. It was for a mechanic about half an hour away from the apartment, looking for someone who could start in the summer, who specialized in classic cars. 

At first, Dean stared at the screen, then he couldn't help but chuckle. He was slightly amused by it all. "You and Sam are good at showing me the good stuff..."

Castiel offered him a soft smile. "I'm just showing you this option," he replied softly. 

Dean lightly drummed his fingers on the smooth surface of the laptop. "Mmh... Doesn't look too bad..."

Castiel could feel his hopes rising. "Did Sam show you the school he was looking at?" he asked.

"He mentioned something about finding one, but he didn't show me. Could you...?"

Castiel nodded, moving through his bookmarks until he pulled up a school website. The apartment that Castiel wanted was about half an hour away, and it was only ten minutes away from the mechanic looking for a classic cars specialist. It was an A school, and offered a lot of advanced classes.

Dean was quiet as he looked through the website. He read a little bit, just to get an idea. It seemed perfect for Sam, from what he could see and the little he'd read about it. "... Wow. That's... That sounds great."

Castiel nodded, not wanting to say more as his hope grew, although it was becoming clear on his face.

Dean felt uncomfortable, having such a big thing looming over him. If he said no, both Castiel and Sam would be disappointed. If he said yes, it felt like they would be leaving everything behind, no matter how many times Sam tried to tell him that they were just moving - it wasn't like they were going to cut off all contact. He looked at Castiel, and his chest tightened. "... Is... Is there anything else you and Sam wanted to show me...?"

Castiel shook his head. "No, that was it." he replied. "We figured the three big things you would be worried about were an apartment, a job, and a school for Sam."

Dean couldn't deny that it was true. "Yeah... That's spot on," he mumbled, leaning back as he went back to staring at the screen.

"You don't have to make the decision now," Castiel reminded him gently. 

Dean licked his lips and nodded slowly. "Good... I need some time to think."

Castiel nodded in return, closing the computer and putting it back, grabbing the remote and handing it to Dean. Dean turned on the TV and browsed through the channels, before finding some rerun of an old soap opera. He wrapped and arm around Castiel.

Castiel settled down, comfortable against the other, his head resting against Dean's chest. "Hey...that one actor looks a little like you." he pointed out. "Jensen Ackles, I think his name is."

"... You're comparing me to a guy on a _soap opera_?" Dean asked in disbelief. "He's... Just look at him!"

Castiel chuckled. "You have similar faces," he pointed out. "Although he doesn't have enough freckles for my taste," he smiled, leaning up to kiss Dean's cheek.

"He looks like a girl..." Dean huffed softly. "And freckles are stupid. Not to mention, it gets worse in the summer..."

"I like them," Castiel replied, kissing Dean's cheek again. "And I can't wait to see you in the summer." he offered Dean a genuine smile.

Dean blushed in embarrassment and lowered his head, though he gently squeezed Castiel's shoulder. "I bet you can’t... Hot weather, less clothes."

"Less clothes for you," Castiel teased slightly. He wouldn't be caught dead anywhere but in front of Dean without long sleeves.

"Yeah. Though, I'm not a fan of shorts so... No shorts." Dean pursed his lips.

Castiel chuckled. "Will I get the pleasure of seeing you in swim trunks?" he asked.

Dean snorted softly. "I don't even own a pair that fits... Haven't had the need of any in years."

Castiel just chuckled softly, settling back down in Dean's arms as they continued to watch the soap opera. Dean made a mental note that if he agreed to the move, he might have to get a pair of swim trunks. Then he let himself focus all of his attention to the TV, and forgot about everything else for a while. Castiel ended up falling asleep in Dean's arms after a few hours, still exhausted from his night of little sleep.

Dean didn't mind, and let Castiel sleep for a few hours. Though eventually, nature started to call and he had to get up. He moved Castiel as carefully as he could, before getting up and went to the bathroom. Castiel didn't wake up when Dean moved him, and curled up on the couch, taking all of the blankets that they had been using.

Dean came back after he'd finished and washed his hands. He huffed softly as he saw that Castiel was hogging the blankets. "Bastard," he mumbled, though he didn't really mean it. He gently caressed Castiel's hair and gave him a soft kiss, before gathering the dishes and going to the kitchen to make himself coffee and take care of washing up.

Castiel ended up sleeping for another two hours before he woke up, his hair ruffled as he sat up, wondering where Dean had gone. Dean was in the washing room, having decided to get some clothes washed while Castiel slept - though it was mostly because of his jeans. He didn't want to know what would've happened if Bobby or Sam found them. Castiel followed the noise of Bobby's loud washing machine, finding Dean and wrapping his arms around the other's waist from behind, nuzzling into his back.

Dean jumped slightly, not having heard anything, though he relaxed quickly. "Oh... Hello there, sleepy head," he murmured.

"Hello, Dean." Castiel murmured, pressing a kiss to the skin in front of him. "How long was I out? Last I remember we were watching General Hospital..."

"Mmh... 3 and a half hours or something, I think," Dean replied. "You looked so peaceful that I didn't want to wake you up."

Castiel yawned slightly. "I didn't sleep well last night, so that's probably why." he murmured.

"Huh? Why not?" Dean furrowed his brows as he turned his head, awkwardly looking over his shoulder.

"I just couldn't fall asleep." he replied. "My thoughts were racing, and I didn't want to leave you to grab any sleep aids."

Dean frowned. "But... You would only be gone for two minutes. I probably wouldn't even have woken up..."

"What's done is done." Castiel said in reply, still holding Dean from behind.

Dean sighed softly. "All right... Want to tell me what you were thinking about?"

Castiel was quiet for a few moments. "Everything, really." he replied softly. "The move, all the shit with Alistair, Tom, Uriel, and mainly how afraid I am to lose the few people who care about me. How afraid I am to lose you..."

Dean placed his hands on top of Castiel's arms. "It's all going to be fine... And you're not going to lose me, Cas.."

Castiel closed his eyes. "That's what my mom told me, too." he whispered. "Whenever I wanted my father around. I...I always blamed myself for why he left. She told me she would never leave me...and she did."

"... I know that she wouldn't have left you, if she had a choice," Dean murmured. "Your father had a choice, and he made a shitty one. So far, I have a choice. And my choice is to stay with you. I promise you that."

Castiel tightened his grip slightly, his face hiding against Dean's back. "Thank you..." he whispered.

Dean was silent for a moment. "... That's why..." he started, then trailed off and swallowed soundly. 

Castiel didn't say anything, waiting for Dean to find the courage to speak.

Dean took a deep breathe and closed his eyes. "... That's why we're going to California," he murmured.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoo! I hope this chapter calmed your fears about their future together :)
> 
> ~Cinder


	42. Celebration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILERS**
> 
> Castiel is utterly thrilled about Dean's decision, and Sam is happy about it as well. They decide to treat themselves to dinner at a nice Italian restaurant to celebrate.
> 
>  **TRIGGER WARNINGS**  
>  None! Just a happy little chapter.

Castiel's knees nearly gave out, and he hugged Dean tighter, trying to stay on his feet. "I love you," he whispered, voice choked. He was so happy, so unbelievably happy, and he couldn't say anything else, only hold Dean as tight as he could.

"I love you too," Dean whispered back, and let Castiel hold onto him. He would've turned around, but it wouldn't be possible when Castiel held him so tightly. Castiel held him like that for a few moments before he loosened his grip slightly, moving to kiss Dean passionately, his happiness written all over his face.

Dean was a little bit surprised by the kiss, but pulled himself together and cupped Castiel's cheeks with both hands while he kissed back. Castiel broke the kiss when he needed to breathe, unable to keep the smile off of his face. He looked so blissful, like so much weight had been taken off of his shoulders that he looked so much more youthful. Dean couldn't help but stare at his boyfriend, noticing the incredible change in his features. He took in each detail, and stroked the lightly stubbled cheeks with his thumbs. It was when he finally took a deep breathe, that he realized that he hadn't been breathing - too amazed by how Castiel looked.

Castiel couldn't stop smiling. "I love you," he whispered. "I love you so much.... You have no idea."

"Maybe I don't, but... I love you too," Dean murmured, kissing the tip of Castiel's nose.

Castiel let out a laugh at the kiss, too drunk on the happiness that Dean had given him.

Dean couldn't help but smile, loving how happy Castiel was. "You wanna tell Sam when he gets back?"

"We should." Castiel replied. "I...I can't thank you enough." he whispered. "I...I'm not losing you." as he said It, his smile widened further. "I get to keep something good in my life."

Dean wanted to argue that he wasn't _that_ good, but Castiel didn't deserve that - he deserved to be happy. "Yeah... You get to keep me. I'll be with you all the way. So will Sam."

Castiel hugged him tightly again, burying his face into Dean's neck.

Sam arrived a few minutes later, slightly confused at the elated Castiel. "What did I miss today? Or would I rather not know?" he asked.

Dean cleared his throat. "Well, uh... Me and Castiel talked, and I came to a decision about... California."

"We're going," Sam replied, smiling. There was no other reason that Castiel would be this happy otherwise.

Dean nodded, also smiling. "Yeah, we are," he said, confirming what Sam said.

Sam smiled widely. "Great!" he replied, patting Castiel on the back, his own face just as happy, although there was a slight dampening to it that Castiel's unbridled happiness didn't have. Unlike Castiel, he would be leaving a lot behind. But seeing the smiles on his older brother and said brother's boyfriend reminded him again that it would all be worth it.

Dean was aware that Sam was leaving behind more than him and Castiel combined. He knew that he would probably feel guilty and question his choice, but seeing Castiel so happy made him unable to think unhappy thoughts at the moment. "Yeah. It is."

"So, did Cas show you the apartment we were looking at?"

Castiel nodded. "I showed it to him, did you like it?" he looked up at Dean. "If not, we can keep looking."

"Are you kidding me? You couldn't get a better apartment than that... It's as good as it can be," Dean replied. "I like it."

"Well, we should celebrate." Sam told them. "Let's get something nice to eat tonight!"

Dean nodded. "Sounds like a good idea. Any suggestions as to what?"

"There's that Italian place that Jess' family likes a lot," Sam suggested.

"Oh, sounds good. What do you say, Cas?"

"Sounds great to me," Castel replied. 

"I'll call and get a table, you two get decent." Sam told them.

Dean nodded and gave his brother a smile. "All right. C'mon, Cas." He gently grabbed Castiel's hand, and lead him upstairs to their room.

Castiel followed, still smiling at Dean. He laced their fingers together and squeezed his hand softly. Dean gave Castiel a kiss on the cheek when they got to their room, gently squeezing his hand in return before letting go, so that they could get dressed in more proper clothes. Castiel returned the kiss with a peck on the lips before he pulled on some jeans and his trench coat. Dean put on a button up shirt over his t-shirt, and hesitated slightly before he also put on a pair of jeans.

Castiel smiled at the other once they had finished. "Ready?"

"I don't know. Does my hair look okay?" Dean asked seriously.

"Your hair looks fine," Castiel reassured him, smiling.

Dean nodded, and chewed on his lip. He grabbed his phone and wallet. "Okay. Now I'm ready."

Castiel smiled, taking Dean's hand. "No phones," he reminded him softly.

Dean paused. "Oh, yeah... Sorry." He hesitantly putting his phone back down, not used to going out without one.

"It's all right," Castiel replied. "Sam'll have his phone, it'll be fine." he kissed Dean's cheek. "We're celebrating tonight."

Dean tensed up. "... Yeah, that's true," he murmured, and nodded slowly. He turned to give Castiel a kiss on the lips. "Well, then. Let's go."

Castiel returned the kiss, lacing their fingers together as they walked downstairs. Sam had his jacket on, and the keys to the Impala. "Can I drive?" he asked Dean.

Dean blinked at the question as he grabbed his own jacket. "... Yeah, sure. Why though? You scared we're gonna suck each other's faces off?"

"Because I love watching your face when I stop too quickly," Sam grinned cheekily before getting into the driver's seat, starting the car.

"And I love watching your face when I'm pulling your hair," Dean grumbled under his breath as he got into the backseat of the Impala.

Castiel smiled as he watched the brothers, getting into the backseat as well. He loved watching them interact, fascinated by it, and was reminded again that when he left for California, he got to take these two with him. Sam changed the radio station, and started driving.

Dean shifted a bit, then rested his head on Castiel's shoulder and closed his eyes. He snorted when Sam changed the station, but let it be. Castiel slid his arm around Dean's waist, holding him close and pressing a kiss into the sandy hair. Dean sighed softly and placed a hand on Castiel's thigh, just letting it rest there.

Sam smiled as he glanced in the rearview mirror, seeing the couple.

They arrived at the restaurant ten minutes later, Sam parking the Impala crookedly.

Dean straightened up when they were parked, and looked out the window at the ground with a sceptical look. "... For fuck's sake, Sammy. You park like an old lady. Gotta work on that."

"Sorry!" Sam replied, backing up and trying to readjust the parking job, only ending up more crooked than before.

"How the... Okay. Maybe I should take over before you end up crashing into something... And this weekend, you're gonna practice."

"All right." Sam got out of the drivers seat and stood out of the way so Dean could park her properly.

Dean took Sam's place in the driver's seat, and fixed the parking. Then he turned off the engine and stepped out. "The drive was nice, though," he told Sam.

Sam smiled. "I think I'm getting the hang of driving the Impala."

Dean grinned. "You sure are. Just a bit more practice and then you'll be as good as me."  
Sam chuckled, and led the way inside.

Castiel had gotten out and stood by Dean's side, lacing their fingers together as they walked in. Dean gently squeezed Castiel's hand. He glanced around as they got inside and were soon led to a table.

Sam sat across from Dean and Castiel. "The salads here are really good," he told Dean as he started to glance through the menu.

Dean raised a brow at his brother. "Why are you telling me that?" he asked while taking a look at the menu.

"Uh...because they're really good?" Sam replied, raising a brow back at Dean. "And because you need to severely limit your burger intake. You'll have a heart attack by your late twenties."

Dean huffed. "I knew there was a reason..." he mumbled, not looking up from the words on the menu. He couldn't even understand half of it. "It'll be fine. It's not like I eat burgers every day."

"Only because Cas does the cooking now!" Sam pointed out. Dean glared at his brother, but didn't say anything.

Castiel chuckled softly. "I think the chicken marsala sounds good," he murmured, saying the Italian word with a flawless accent.

Dean frowned as he glanced at Castiel. He couldn't even read it, while his boyfriend could pronounce it. He glared at the menu.

Castiel noticed the glare, and his brow furrowed slightly. "Do you need help?" he asked.

Dean bit into his lip, and it was with great difficulty that he nodded. Castiel shifted and started to murmur the items to Dean, explaining what each title meant, and what food it was. 

Dean relaxed a bit and nodded slowly while Castiel spoke. "Thanks," he mumbled.

Castiel kissed his cheek. "Of course."

Sam chuckled softly. "Cas, I think you're the first person Dean has never not bitched about getting help from."

Dean ignored Sam's comment and focused on deciding what to eat, then close the menu.

Sam just smirked at Dean, and started humming the tune to the line from Single Ladies, "If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it."

Dean turned red as soon as he recognized the tune, and kicked Sam in the shin. "You fucker," he growled quietly.

Castiel was confused. The tune hadn't been familiar to him. Sam just returned with a shit-eating grin. Dean muttered something under his breath, wishing he could hide under a rock.

Castiel's confusion just grew, and Sam chuckled. "I'm just embarrassing my older brother." he told Castiel.

A waitress came by not much longer later, taking their drink orders before she dashed off again.

"One of these days I might actually kill you," Dean muttered quietly as he gave Sam a dark look.

Sam chuckled. "Not when you get the balls to go through with it." he replied.

"Oh, shut your mouth..." Dean crossed his arms with a sigh, even though he was already thinking about it, and he probably would do so for the rest of the day and night.  
Castiel tilted his head quizzically, confused by the conversation.

Dean chewed on his lip, not able to come up with a lie to what he and Sam were talking about.

Sam chuckled. "Just an inside thing Cas, no big deal."

Castiel was still hesitant, but he accepted it and ordered his food.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the last few chapters have been short, but we're building up to the big events in this fic, one of which starts next week! So we thank you for bearing with us, and for all your kudos, bookmarks, and subscriptions. It really means a lot!
> 
> ~Cinder


	43. Church

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILERS**
> 
> The couple wake up Christmas morning to a lazy morning and each other. Castiel invites Dean to attend church with him this year, which Dean accepted to make Castiel happy. The little family exchange gifts before Castiel and Dean leave for church, where Dean enjoys himself despite what he thought. On their way home, Dean makes an offhanded comment that accidentally makes Castiel uncomfortable, but they talk it out and settle things without a fight.
> 
>  **TRIGGER WARNINGS**  
>  A slight anxiety attack

Another few weeks passed by, and it started to snow. Castiel was a little more moody than usual, but had explained to Dean that his depression acted up the colder it got. He had deleted or ignored the texts he had received following Dean's pictures, and acted completely innocent when Tom bitched him out for the craigslist ad.

Castiel woke on Christmas morning before Dean did, and he groaned and tried to curl up as best he could against Dean's warmth, absolutely freezing.

Dean hated school with a passion ever since the pictures had gotten out, and he was always exhausted, had a hard time sleeping and snored almost every night. Though he did relax and perked up a bit when Winter Break came around. He didn't wake up when Castiel moved. He just sighed in his sleep and tightened his hold around his boyfriend.

Castiel didn't bother him, knowing how desperately Dean needed the sleep. He nuzzled his face into Dean's chest, and was thankful that they only had five months until graduation, although he wasn't sure how well Dean could handle it until then. Dean's exhaustion worried Castiel to no end, especially as they were starting to finalize their plans for California. Castiel's house had been put up on the market, Dean had contacted the mechanic for the job, and Sam had set up a time in the summer for Dean to enroll him at the new school.

Dean slept for almost two hours before he woke up, snuffling softly and burying his face in the pillow, wanting to sleep more but knowing that in a few minutes, he'd be wide awake.

Castiel had been dozing while Dean slept, and when the other woke up, he shifted slightly. "Merry Christmas, Dean" he murmured softly, his hand caressing the other's waist.

"Mmh... Merry Christmas, Cas," Dean replied, voice a bit muffled by the pillow. He slowly lifted his head, and looked at Castiel. "What time is it...?"

"M not sure," Castiel murmured, shifting so he could look at the clock. "Ten am..." he murmured, curling back up into Dean's arms and warmth.

Dean hummed. He moved his arms and grabbed the covers, shifting and fumbling a bit as he wrapped them tightly around himself and Castiel. "Cold," he explained.

"Mhm..." Castiel hummed in agreement, tucking his legs between Dean's so they were pressed close together. "Although we should probably get up soon..." he murmured. "Church starts at 1 today, and I'd like to make breakfast for you two before I leave," Castiel would be a church most of the afternoon, and he had extended the invitation to Dean for him to come along.

Dean couldn't help but whine protest. "We can pretend our bed's a church..." he mumbled, though he wasn't very serious. He'd never get in the way of Castiel attending church. He didn't know yet if he wanted to come along, but he still had a little more than two hours to decide.

"Don't blasphemize, especially not on today." Castiel scolded him gently, kissing his forehead. He could hear Sam and Bobby moving around downstairs. "Also, your younger brother is probably waiting to open presents until we get up."

Dean rolled his eyes, but didn't argue. "All right. I guess we better get up then, even if it's freezing," he mumbled, letting go of Castiel to push the covers off him. He shivered as he sat up.

Castiel shivered as well, getting up and quickly getting dressed. He pulled on the sweater Dean had given him as well as his trench coat.

Dean also got dressed, then pulled on a hoodie over his t-shirt. He looked over at Castiel, and the trench coat. "... You sure you don't wanna borrow a hoodie or something?"

Castiel shook his head. "I'm fine," he replied. "The trench coat is warmer anyways." he leaned up to press a kiss to Dean's lips before he laced their fingers together as they made their way downstairs.

"Merry Christmas!" Sam greeted them with a smile, almost bouncing. There were a few wrapped presents underneath the small Christmas tree Bobby brought out every year.

"Merry Christmas, Sammy," Dean greeted back, smiling softly. "You excited about the present?"

"Excited for you to open yours!" Sam grinned, nearly pulling Dean by his other hand into the living room.

Bobby snorted affectionately, walking behind the boys. "Both Sam and Castiel put a lot of effort into their presents for you, Dean." he told him. "They're both excited."

Sam had gotten Dean a bronze amulet shaped like the head of a pagan god. It was a sign of protection, and he knew that his older brother would like it. Castiel had scoured the internet for hours, and had finally managed to get an autographed photo of the members from Metallica. He knew it wasn't much, but he hoped Dean would like it.

Dean was a bit taken back by the excitement, and he was even more surprised when they all sat down in the living room and he was the first one to open his presents. He couldn't help but stare for a bit as he had the unwrapped gifts in his lap, and he would forever deny that his eyes watered. "Wow, I... Thanks, guys." He put the amulet around his neck.

Sam grinned happily.

Castiel smiled and gave Dean a kiss. "I'm glad you like it." he murmured, a soft smile on his face.

Sam was the next to open his. Castiel had gotten him a brand new set of headphones that were high quality (since Sam had been complaining that his were shit for a while).

Dean had bought Sam a really thick book to read, written by some dude he knew nothing about but his brother had mentioned. For Castiel, he'd gotten a new pair of jeans and a cardigan, since he thought that his boyfriend needed more variety in his wardrobe

Sam grinned at Dean when he opened the present. "Thanks!" he smiled. "Didn't think you knew this author!"

Sam had gotten Castiel a new sketchbook and some canvases, remembering how he hadn't been able to paint in a while.

Castiel smiled when he opened the presents. "Thank you both," he smiled happily.

Dean smiled softly as he looked at the two of them, then he looked up at Bobby. "We got something for you. It's not much, but... Hope you'll like it." He held out a package to the old man. In it was a bottle of high quality whiskey, that Ellen had helped them get.

Bobby smiled when he opened it. "Thanks." he murmured. "I got some things for you boys too," he handed them each a small present.

He gave Sam a professional ballpoint pen, "For when you become a lawyer," Dean a gift card for their local gas station with $100 on it, so he could get Baby her premium grade gas, and Castiel a beautifully made leather-bound bible.

Sam grinned when he opened his present, and Castiel's jaw opened in shock at the beautiful bible. "I...Bobby, thank you..."

"It was Karen's." he replied gruffly. "She woulda liked to see someone use it, and God knows I don't."

Dean grinned, knowing that the money would come in handy. His face softened as he watched Castiel. Bobby couldn't have gotten a better gift for him.

Castiel looked at Bobby, and awkwardly gave the older man a hug.

Bobby pat Castiel on the back gently. "Don't force yourself kid."

Dean gathered his gifts. "So, Cas. You wanted to make breakfast, right?"

Castiel nodded, gathering his own gifts to take upstairs. "What would you all like?" he asked. "I stocked up a few days ago, so anything's game."

"So long as it's edible, I don't care." Bobby shrugged.

Sam bit his lip as he thought about it.

"Pancaaaaaakes," Dean said, drawing out the last 'a' in a childish manner.

Castiel chuckled. "All right."

"Ooh, can you make some bacon too?" Sam requested.

"Of course," he smiled. "Let me put these gifts up, and I'll get started."

Dean grinned. "Awesome. Me and Sam will clean up this mess..." He looked at his brother and then pointed at all the wrapping on the floor.

Sam nodded and got up to retrieve a trash bag. Once Castiel was upstairs, Sam looked at his brother. "Please tell me you have something else planned for Cas. Clothes? How romantically stunted are you?"

Dean was surprised by Sam's words. "... What? I just thought clothes would be useful, and I bet he'll look good in them." He really didn't see any problem.

"If I got Jess clothes for Christmas, she would castrate me." Sam replied. "Did you lose all your romantic capability after you got him that bracelet?" he rolled his eyes.

Dean threw some of the wrapper into the bag with more force than necessary. "Shut your mouth," he muttered.

Sam rolled his eyes again, but said nothing more as Castiel came back downstairs, a smile on his face as he hummed a Christmas song, going to the kitchen to start making breakfast.

Dean paused slightly when he heard Castiel. He chewed on his lip, his shoulders tense as he continued to clean up. Once they had finished, Sam headed upstairs so he could call Jess and talk with her.

Castiel was happily making food, grateful to be surrounded by his family-they were no longer just friends to him, and oblivious to Dean's tenseness from what Sam had said.

Dean went upstairs to put away his own gifts, before going back downstairs to join Castiel in the kitchen. He kissed Castiel's cheek.

Castiel smiled, and leaned into his boyfriend slightly. "Hello, Dean." he murmured.

Dean wrapped an arm around Castiel's waist. "Hey. Smells good. Is it you or the food?" he mumbled, trying to be funny to make himself relax.

"Probably the food," Castiel replied, the joke flying over his head, as it sometimes did. "I smell no different than normal, I think,"

Dean usually found it adorable, but now it just made him nervous. He chuckled awkwardly, and nosed at Castiel's neck.

Castiel's smile dropped. "Are you all right?" he asked softly. 

"Yeah. Just a bit tired... Don't worry about it." Dean kissed Castiel's jaw. "How long is that church thing again?"

"It's from 1 to 4," he replied, tilting his head slightly, and not believing Dean. He knew when the other was just tired, but he didn't push it.

"Mmmh. Okay." Dean rested his chin on Castiel's shoulder, and watched his hands. He was thinking that he could go to church, make it up to Castiel, if his choice of a gift had really been that bad.

Castiel was quiet for a few moments as he worked. "I loved the present, by the way. I don't think I thanked you properly." he told the other genuinely, giving him a smile.

Dean looked at Castiel, and then relaxed with a soft sigh. "That's good." He wrapped his other arm around Castiel, hugging him from behind.

Castiel noticed the difference immediately. "Did you think I didn't like it?" he asked, leaning into Dean's arms.

Dean swallowed. "Eh... Sammy had a go at me, told me it wasn't romantic. He's usually right about everything, so I... Yeah," he said quietly.

Castiel set what he was doing down so he could turn in Dean's arms, facing him. "You have to remember what I come from." he said softly. "Just the fact that you got me anything at all, something that you saw and made you think of me, is still a miracle in my eyes. I love everything you do for me." he leaned up to kiss Dean gently. "I appreciate every gesture you make, even if I'm not very vocal about it. Okay?"

Dean kissed back, and nodded slowly. "Okay..." he murmured, burying his face in Castiel's neck as he hugged him tightly. "I love you."

"I love you too," Castiel murmured, resting his head against Dean's. "You mean everything to me," he whispered softly. "And I want to spend the rest of my life with you, if you'll have me."

Dean closed his eyes and swallowed, his heart skipping a beat at the last part. "Yeah... I'd like that. I'd like that very much. To keep you by my side."

Castiel smiled, kissing Dean's neck gently. "I'd like to have you by my side as well." he murmured softly, his own heart skipping a beat at that.

Dean's heart started to beat faster as he realized that this was a perfect moment to ask Castiel. He took a deep breath, and lifted his head to look Castiel in the eye. Though, as soon as he was looking at his boyfriend, he got cold feet. "... U-uh, breakfast..?" His cheeks were red with embarrassment.

Castiel was confused at Dean's sudden embarrassment. "...did I say something wrong?" he asked.

"No! No- I just- I- You're pretty!" Dean blurted out before he shut his mouth. That wasn't very smooth, but at least he wasn't lying.

Castiel flushed at the compliment. "While I appreciate the compliment, is something wrong, Dean?" he asked, confused as to his boyfriend's sudden nervous behavior.

Dean took a moment to pull himself together. "No, no, not at all... Just... Thinking of something that's been on my mind for a long time... It's... It's nothing bad, promise. I'm just not... Ready to talk about it. Yet."

Castiel nodded, brushing his thumb along Dean's jaw. "I'm always here to listen if you need to talk," he reminded him gently, kissing his lips softly before he turned to finish making the pancake batter.

"Yeah, I know..." Dean replied quietly, his cheeks still red as he went to make himself some coffee.

Castiel turned on the stove and started the bacon in one pan as he made the pancakes in the other, humming softly as he worked. Dean leaned on the counter while he watched Castiel, imagining how it would be when they moved. He let his mind wander.

Castiel continued to make the pancakes. "Can you set the table for me please?" he asked Dean.

Dean snapped out of his thoughts. "... Yeah, sure, of course," he said, putting down his mug and then setting the table.

Castiel plated up the plates with plenty of pancakes and bacon for everyone, before retrieving Bobby from outside, leaving Dean to grab Sam.

Dean went upstairs to knock on Sam's door. "Breakfast's served!" he said loudly, then headed back downstairs.

Sam got off of the phone and went downstairs, taking his usual seat between Bobby and Dean.

Castiel smiled at all of them before he lowered his head, saying a longer prayer than usual, it being Christmas, before they started to eat.

"Mmh, pancakes," Dean said in a happy tone after the first bite.

Castiel smiled. "I'm glad you enjoy them," he looked at Dean affectionately. Dean smiled back, and gently poked Castiel's leg with his foot. Castiel smiled and nudged his leg against Dean's foot.

"Guys, we're trying to eat, please stop with the eye sex." Sam commented. Castiel blushed.

Dean grinned, and used his other foot to caress Sam's calf just for fun.

Sam jumped, banging his knee against the table. "Dammit Dean!"

Dean cackled at his reaction. "I'll never get tired of that."

Bobby rolled his eyes. "Idjits." he muttered, finishing his food before getting up to do his own thing.

Castiel finished not much longer later, looking at the clock. "I need to get dressed for church." he murmured. "Dean, are you coming, or will you just drop me off?" he asked.

Dean paused. He hadn't even been close to a church in years, but it was important to Castiel. "... I'll come along," he said, quickly finishing the rest of his food before getting up.

Castiel smiled happily. He knew that Dean wasn't religious, and he didn't want to ask for him to come along because he desperately wanted to share something with him, because he was afraid that Dean would interpret it as him trying to convert the other. Hearing Dean say he would come along made him extremely happy.

Dean kissed Castiel's forehead, before he went to put the dishes in the sink. "So, how fancy do I have to look?"

"It is Christmas, so definitely a dress shirt and tie," Castiel replied. "Just...whatever your nicest clothing is, but no jeans."

"Mmh. Okay. We'll see what I can find," Dean said and chewed on his lip, not sure how he felt about wearing something that wasn't jeans.

Castiel went upstairs, putting on a white dress shirt and black dress pants, a suit jacket and his trench coat on top of it all, a navy blue tie completing the look. He went to the bathroom to try and tame his perpetually messy hair.

Dean also went upstairs, digging through all of his clothes until he found some dark grey dress pants he'd worn only once. He put them on, then found a white dress shirt and a black tie. He hoped he didn't look too bad.

When Castiel came back out, he looked Dean up and down, a spark of lust appearing in his eyes. "You look gorgeous." he smiled at the other.

Dean's cheeks turned pink. "Really now?" he asked, raising a brow.

"Really," Castiel smiled, moving to kiss Dean gently, although the nip at the end promised for things to come later.

Dean licked his lips after the kiss broke. "Okay. Well, I'm just going to... Grab my suit jacket, then I'm ready."

Castiel smiled, grabbing his phone and slipping it in his pocket, repressing the increased want as Dean put on his suit jacket. His boyfriend was extremely attractive anyways, but now, Castiel was tempted to just skip church and ravish the other. He shook his head to clear his thoughts, taking Dean's hand as they went out to the Impala.

Dean felt a bit awkward in his suit, but did his best to resist the urge to loosen his tie and unbutton the top buttons on his shirt. He got into the drivers seat, shifting a bit. "Man... Dress pants feels weird."

Castiel chuckled softly. "It's just because you're not used to wearing them." he replied, leaning slightly against Dean as they got settled into the car. "They're comfortable."

"I guess you're right..." Dean murmured as he started the car, and drove towards the church.

They drove in comfortable silence for a little bit, before Castiel spoke up. "Thank you for coming with me." he murmured. "It really does mean a lot...and, I'm not trying to convert you or anything, I just want to share this part of my life with you."

"It's nothing really... If I thought you were trying to convert me, I wouldn't even poke you with a ten foot pole," Dean said with a small smile.

Castiel snorted softly. "I cannot, however, speak for other members of the church, so please, please stay civil?"

Dean nodded. "Okay, but I will leave and wait outside if it gets too much," he said.

Castiel nodded in agreement as they pulled into the church that Castiel attended. He got out and offered smiles to a nearby couple, wishing them a Merry Christmas. He waited for Dean to get out before leading him to the doors, where they were greeted by the pastor.

"Merry Christmas, Castiel." the kindly older man smiled. "And who is this delightful fellow?"

"This is Dean Winchester, my significant other." Castiel replied.

The pastor smiled as he blessed Castiel with holy water. "It is a pleasure to meet you, Dean. I'm Pastor Jim Murphy," he reached out his fingers to spread a little holy water on Dean's forehead. 

Dean was pleasantly surprised by the pastor's response to hearing that he and Castiel were a couple. It wasn't exactly what he expected. Though, he didn't get his hopes up, seeing as the pastor was only one person. "It's nice to meet you too, Pastor," he said, not fully understanding what was going on but let it happen anyway.

Castiel waited until Dean was through the doors. "This church is supportive of LGTB rights. It's why I come here," he murmured quietly as they took a seat in one of the pews.

"Ah. I didn't know that... Or maybe I forgot," Dean murmured. As they were sat down, he looked around, seeing some people he recognized and a lot that he'd never seen. "Man... I haven't been in a church in years," he said, keeping his voice quiet.

Castiel smiled softly, taking Dean's hand and squeezing it softly. "Thank you for coming." he murmured. "It means a lot to me."

Dean returned the smiled as he looked at Castiel. "Thank you for trusting me enough to want me here." He chuckled softly.

Castiel's smile grew slightly. "I always will want you there, Dean. Wherever we end up, I want to stay with you." he grew quiet as Pastor Jim started to speak. He spoke of the Nativity, telling the tale of Jesus' birth. When he finished, the entire church began to sing a hymn, Castiel joining in with his rich baritone. 

Dean didn't know a single word, so he just sat there and listened, an odd yet pleasant feeling settling in his stomach. It was almost disappointing when the hymn ended.

Pastor Jim began to speak once more. "As some of you know, we have had a tragedy take place recently. Adam Milligan, one of our boys, was shot and killed last week."  
Castiel's eyes widened in shock. He had been friendly with Adam.

"We ask that you keep his family in your prayers as they go through these tough times. God is testing them, but they need all the support that they can receive. And remind yourselves to tell your loved ones, whether they be your mother or father, wife or husband, sister or brother, friend or cousin, boyfriend or girlfriend, tell them that you love them. Give them a hug or a kiss as they leave for work. Because you never know when The Lord will call one of his angels home."

Dean clutched at Castiel's hand, not really knowing what else to do.

Castiel rubbed his thumb over Dean's hand, still in shock about hearing about Adam's death.

There was a moment of silence as everyone prayed for the well being of the Milligan's before they started to sing again.

Dean tried to get into the swing of things and be interested in the words, but his mind wandered and he kept holding Castiel's hand.

The sermon continued, broken apart by the occassional hymn, before Pastor Jim finished up.  
"Just remember, we are all God's children, and He loves each of us equally, regardless of age, race, gender, or sexuality." he glanced at Castiel and Dean as he said that. "So let us have one last prayer, for the people who aren't as fortunate as we are, pray that they find what they need, be it shelter, food, or water. Pray to God for his other children, and have a Merry Christmas."

Castiel looked towards the sky as he prayed softly, his blue eyes wide and his faith clear on his face, before people started getting up, greeting each other with smiles and "Merry Christmases"

"That wasn't too bad..." Dean mumbled as people started to walk out of the church, leaning close to Castiel so that only he would hear. "I can see why you like coming here..."

Castiel smiled. "I wouldn't object to you joining me more often, but it is up to you." he smiled, kissing Dean's cheek affectionately.

Dean hummed softly. "We'll see what happens. Is there anyone you'd like to greet before we head back?"

"Just Mrs. Milligan," he replied softly, standing up to look for her. She was being given hugs by a few older ladies.

Dean nodded. "All right," he said as he also stood up, and followed Castiel's gaze. Mrs. Milligan seemed to have been crying.

Castiel took Dean's hand and led him through the crowd over to her. "I am so sorry to hear about Adam," he told her sincerely, giving her a slightly awkward hug.

Mrs. Milligan sniffled, and nodded as she returned the hug. "Thank you, Castiel," she said quietly as they let go. "Adam, he... He really enjoyed your company. Thank you for being his friend."

"Of course," Castiel murmured. "I'm glad I could do what I could for him. I'll keep you in my prayers." he gave her a soft smile.

She didn't smile back, but she did nod and gently touched Castiel's cheek. "Thank you, again. God bless you..." she murmured. "And Merry Christmas. To both of you." She turned to Dean.

Dean smiled faintly and nodded. "Merry Christmas..."

"Merry Christmas, God bless you." Castiel replied, letting her go to another couple waiting to offer their condolences.

Dean took Castiel's hand in his own, and started to head outside to the Impala.

Castiel followed, nodding his head respectfully to Pastor Jim before they slid into the Impala. "I'm sorry if you were bored," he murmured.

"Well, it was a bit slow when the pastor spoke, but... Otherwise it wasn't bad. I really liked it when you sang," Dean admitted with a smile.

Castiel's cheeks turned pink, but he curled up next to Dean's side, his hand on the other's thigh. "I'm not the best..."

"To me you are. I love your deep voice... It's perfect. Gives me good vibes," Dean murmured and kissed the top of Castiel's head, before starting the car.

Castiel smiled happily, relaxing against Dean. "This has been the best Christmas I've ever had," he murmured once they were on the road. "Thank you."

"Well, it's not really over yet, now is it? It lasts until midnight, after all," Dean replied.

"True," Castiel looked up at the other. "Is there anything else you want to do while we're out?"

"Not really. I'd just like to get out of these clothes," Dean said, and loosened his tie a bit.

Castiel chuckled. "You look very nice in them," he murmured, giving Dean a suggestive smile.

Dean glanced at his boyfriend, and his cheeks turned red. "Easy there, tiger... You better save the pouncing until we're in the bedroom."

Castiel just hummed, and slid his hand to gently rub Dean's inner thighs. "I don't know if I can wait that long..." he murmured, kissing Dean's neck.

Dean gripped the wheel tighter. "Man, I've created a sex crazed monster," he said, then bit into his lip.

The word "monster" struck a nerve with Castiel, and he pulled his hands away. He had been called that more than a few times, by adults and peers alike.

Dean blinked, wondering what was going on when he glanced at Castiel. "... Cas?"

"Nothing, it's nothing." he murmured. "I'm sorry. I'll wait until we get home." he turned his face away.

Dean frowned, keeping a close eye on Castiel. "... Did I... Offend you?"

Castiel shook his head. He hated when his insecurities came out like this, he knew that Dean meant no harm, and he felt bad that it was Christmas of all days. "I'm fine." he murmured, his hand back on Dean's thigh. 

"... When we get back, I'm gonna make you some hot chocolate, and then we're going to talk," Dean murmured as he focused on the road. He rested his hand on top of Castiel's.

"Okay," Castiel murmured, still tensed than normal, but slowly relaxing against the other.

Sam had gone over to Jess' when they arrived back at Bobby's.

Dean gently pushed Castiel into the kitchen, and made him sit at the table. He kissed the top of Castiel's head before turning to make them some hot chocolate. Castiel closed his eyes at the kiss, and watched Dean make the hot chocolate. Dean didn't say anything until it was done, and he set the two mugs on the table before he took a seat beside Castiel.

Castiel bit his lip, nervous. He was afraid that he had done something wrong, that Dean was upset with him. He couldn't even touch the mug in front of him, his stomach was heaving on itself.

"Hey. Talk to me, Cas," Dean said softly. He held his hands carefully around his own mug, and kept his eyes on Castiel.

"I...I don't know what to say," he admitted softly.

"Something upset you in the car... I want to know what."

Castiel looked down. "It's nothing." he muttered. "Just...me being stupid."

Dean sighed softly. "C'mon Cas... Being upset isn't the same as being stupid..."

Castiel was quiet for a few moments. "When you called me a sex crazed monster...." he murmured. "I...I've been called that word plenty of times, and I interpreted it as saying you didn't want me to touch you..."

Dean looked straight at Castiel when the other spoke, and nodded slowly before he looked down at his mug. "I'm sorry, Cas... I was just joking with you. I never meant to hurt you," he mumbled, and looked at Castiel again. "I... I really like it when you touch me."

Castiel nodded. "I knew you were joking, that's the thing." he murmured. "It still upset me, even though I knew you meant nothing by it. And now you feel bad, and that's why I didn't want to say anything..."

"You should tell me these things though, Cas... What if I'd just... Continued to call you that, without having a clue? It wouldn't be good in the long run..." Dean furrowed his brows.

Castiel closed his eyes. "I'm sorry," he murmured, hesitantly leaning into Dean. 

Dean wrapped an arm around Castiel. "It's fine, Cas. It is. I'm not mad."

Castiel nodded, leaning further into Dean as he felt the arm around him, pressing a soft kiss to the other's neck. "You deserve some kind of award for putting up with all of the shit I put you through..." he mumbled.

"Nah... Your affection is enough," Dean mumbled, and took a sip of his hot chocolate. "As long as you don't leave me, I'll put up with anything."

Castiel felt his heart skip a beat. "I love you," he murmured. "And I don't want to leave you." he finally took his own hot chocolate and sipped at it.

Dean kissed Castiel's forehead. "Good. Because I'm planning to keep your for a long while."

Castiel smiled softly, finally relaxing. "I'm perfectly all right with that," he murmured, kissing Dean's neck again.


	44. Hear Those Sleigh Bells Ring-A-Ling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILERS**
> 
> After a great round of sex, Castiel reveals that he has one last present for Dean. Dean is curious as to what it could be, and is shocked when Castiel proposes. He says yes, and the two cuddle and rest together, both of them thrilled that they'll be getting married. The next morning, they break the news to Sam and discuss last names.
> 
>  **TRIGGER WARNINGS**  
>  None! Just a happy little chapter :3

Dean also smiled. "Perfect," he said softly, and sipped his chocolate. Then he put the mug down and undid the two top buttons of his shirt with a quiet sigh. Castiel leaned down and placed a gentle kiss to the exposed skin.

"Mmh... I guess you'll be my 'tiger', then..." Dean moved the arm from around Castiel's shoulders so he could run his fingers through the thick, messy hair.

Castiel shivered slightly at the fingers in his hair, and he kissed softly and lovingly at Dean's neck.

Dean let out a small sigh and closed his eyes. "I'm very willing to take this upstairs, if you're still feeling up to it..."

Castiel replied with a nod and a kiss. "How do you want it to be tonight?" he asked as they got up.

Dean wrapped an arm around Castiel's waist. "I'm more interested to hear what you want, so I can give you a great time..."

Castiel kissed him again. "Just being with you is a great time." he murmured. "You went with me to church, let me do something for you."

Dean returned the kiss. "All right... I'll think of something. Else we'd be standing here until tomorrow..." He chuckled softly, and headed upstairs with Castiel.

Castiel chuckled as well, closing the door behind them before he moved to the bed, pulling Dean down into a slow, languid kiss on top of him. Dean went along, and carefully got on top of Castiel, kissing back gently with a pleased hum. Castiel parted his lips, inviting Dean in as his fingers easily undid Dean's tie, tossing it to the side.

Dean deepened the kiss as he slipped his tongue into Castiel's mouth, tasting him. His hands caressed Castiel's sides, before untucking the shirt from his pants. Castiel moaned softly into Dean's mouth, tasting the hot chocolate from earlier. His fingers moved to unbutton the rest of Dean's shirt, leaving it open on his torso. Dean loosened Castiel's tie and put it on the nightstand, then moved his hands down to caress Castiel's thighs.

Castiel shivered, breaking the kiss to murmur "I still don't understand your fascination with my thighs... They're just as scarred as the rest of me..."

Dean moved his head lower to whisper in Castiel's ear. "Mmh... I love the noises you make when I take the time to suck marks on the inside of them... I love them, because you trust me enough to let me touch them, to lay between them..."  
Castiel's breath hitched and he let out a soft gasp, arousal shooting through him at the husky whisper, the words that Dean was saying.

Dean couldn't help but chuckle softly. "And I bet they'll look fantastic in those new jeans I got you..." He gently squeezed Castiel's thighs. "I bet I could get myself off by pushing your thighs together, and thrust my cock between them... Your thighs are that sexy."

Castiel squirmed, his breathing getting quicker. The dirty talk was turning him on fast, and he whined softly.

Dean turned quiet for a moment. "... You like it when I talk dirty to you, Cas?" he asked. "When I tell you about what I love, and what I could do to you?"

"Yes..." Castiel breathed out, surprised himself at how turned on he was.

"That's a pleasant surprise... I didn't think you could be more perfect," Dean murmured, and nipped gently at Castiel's earlobe. Castiel arced up, pressing his hips against Dean's as he let out a soft gasp.

Dean made quick work of unbuttoning Castiel's shirt, then grinded his hips down against Castiel's, his own erection filling out. "Maybe I should... Tie your hands to the bed post with your pretty blue tie, then make you come using only my mouth and fingers..."

Castiel let out another whine, rocking his hips against Dean's. "I'm yours tonight...." he breathed out. "Do what you want." he raised his hands over his head in invitation.

Dean sucked in a breath, and didn't waste any time. He carefully moved so that he was straddling Castiel's hips. Then he pulled off his boyfriend's shirt, tossing it to the side, and picked up the blue tie. He was gentle as he bound Castiel's hands together, then tied them to the bedpost. "It's not too tight, is it...?" he asked quietly.

Castiel shook his head, breathing quickly and pushing down the anxiety that wanted to well up. He had been bound more times than he could count against his will, but this was Dean. He could trust Dean with everything. He instead focused on the jolts of pleasure he received when he pressed his hips against Dean's body.

Dean ran his hands up and down Castiel's arms. "Tell me if it gets too much..." he mumbled, then bit back a moan as Castiel pressed up against him. He stayed put, and let his hands roam over the scarred torso, his fingers brushing teasingly over Castiel's nipples. Castiel gasped and let out a soft noise, his hands instinctively trying to lower, but unable to. Instead, he pressed his chest up into Dean's hands.

Dean let out a shaky breath. "That's good... Just let me take care of you..." He leaned down to kiss and nip at Castiel's jaw and neck, then sucked on the sensitive spots.

Castiel let out a breathy moan, trembling under Dean's hands and lips. Dean gently rubbed Castiel's nipples with his thumbs. He stopped sucking on the pale neck for a moment, to suck on two of his fingers, then brought his wet fingers back to one of the nipples to rub and pinch it. He repeated it with the other nipple.

Castiel let out a loud moan, squirming. "Dean..." he panted the other's name, sweat already matting his hair down to his forehead, and his erection aching as it was contained in his pants.

Dean moved again, reaching into the nightstand to grab the lube, then settled down between Castiel's legs. He licked and kissed his way down Castiel's torso, dipping his tongue into his navel and sucking several marks on his hipbones. Castiel was pressing his hips up, desperate for friction as he fought the binding holding his arms up, wanting desperately to touch Dean.

Dean began to caress the inside of Castiel's thighs. "I promise to make you feel good..." he murmured against the warm skin of Castiel's abdomen, and scooted lower. At first he just nosed at Castiel's covered erection, then he pressed open mouthed kisses to it. "So hard for me." He moved his hands to undo his boyfriend's pants.

Castiel let out soft whines and pants as Dean teased him, letting out a sigh of relief as the restraining fabric fell away. "Only for you...only ever for you..." he whispered in response.

Dean groaned, and quickly pulled off Castiel's pants and underwear. "Good... I'll never let anyone get this close to you. You're mine," he said before sucking a mark on the inside of Castiel's thigh, then another, and another.

Castiel let out soft pleased noises, writhing under the touches. "I've always been yours..." he murmured.

"I'm gonna keep you forever..." Dean said lowly, and moved to lick the underside of Castiel's erection. "Gonna do anything to keep you with me... I'd do anything for you." He gave the head of Castiel's cock a few kittenish licks. "Absolutely anything..."

Castiel was writhing, drunk on the attention to his cock and the words out of Dean's mouth. "I love you," he nearly sobbed out.

Dean sucked at the length of the shaft, and licked it from the base to the tip, swirling his tongue around the head. "I love you too," he breathed out as he used his hand to hold Castiel's cock in place, and wrapped his lips around the tip to suck on it. He pressed the thumb of his free hand against Castiel's perineum, before slipping his fingers further down to rub between his asscheeks, then pulling the hand away to grab the lube.

Castiel was gone, pleasure etched on his face. He couldn't think straight anymore, and his hips were fitting against Dean's, his erection throbbing as he neared the edge. Dean took in some more of Castiel's erection, and stopped sucking as he let go with his hand. He let the length just rest in his mouth, while he slicked up two of his fingers. He put the lube to the side, nudging his fingers between Castiel's cheeks, then slowly inserted one inside of him - and started to gently suck on his cock again.

Castiel keened loudly, his hands thrashing against the bedpost, trying to find something to hang onto. "I'm about to..." he gasped out.

Dean pushed his finger all the way inside, then carefully searched for the prostate, stilling as he found it. He looked up at Castiel with dark eyes, watching his boyfriend's face as he crooked his finger just right and sucked hard.

Castiel was gone, crying out and writhing against his restraints as he came into Dean's mouth, letting out soft mewls and whimpers as he finished. Dean closed his eyes and focused on swallowing and gently sucking through Castiel's orgasm. When Castiel was done, he slowly pulled out his finger, and let the cock fall out of his mouth with a wet pop. He licked his lips and breathed heavily as he looked at his boyfriend.

Castiel was breathing heavily too, eyes closed as he continued tugging against the restraints, clearly getting more agitated with them now that he was no longer aroused, but out of breath enough to be unable to tell Dean he needed them off.

Dean noticed what Castiel was doing, and crawled over him to free him from the restraint. He didn't want Castiel to hurt himself. "There we go..."

Castiel gladly pulled his arms free, looking up at Dean before caressing his cheek. "How do you want me to return the favor?" he asked once he caught his breath.

Dean shrugged slightly. "You can just jack me off or something," he said, voice strained from how hard he was. His underwear were probably stained with precome.

Castiel leaned up to kiss Dean, his hand reaching to cup Dean through his pants, feeling the wetness through the dress pants. "Having me like that turned you on a lot, hmm?" he whispered.

Dean shuddered and moaned weakly. "Yeah... You made such sweet sounds... It was so good to watch you lose control like that..."

Castiel kissed him again before he removed the pants and soaked boxers from the other, tossing them to the floor. He then shifted back onto his back, pulling Dean back over him and spreading his thighs just slightly in invitation, remembering what Dean had admitted to wanting when he was dirty talking earlier. 

Dean looked at Castiel with a slighly puzzled look. "But you... You're finished...?" He felt slow, but Castiel was offering himself and his cock was almost painfully hard - it was hard to think.

"You told me you think you could get off just with my thighs," he murmured. "I'm offering you the chance."

Dean swallowed thickly. "Just... Tell me if it feels too weird..." He thought for a moment, then grabbed the lube, squirting some onto his hand and stroking himself a few times. He grabbed Castiel's thighs and shifted into a good position, then pushed his thighs together. He groaned at the sweet pressure around his erection.

Castiel ran his hands over Dean's torso. It felt strange to have Dean's cock pressing between his legs, but the look of pleasure on the other's face made it worth it.

Dean started to move, and slowly thrust into the space between Castiel's legs. It wasn't as good as being inside his boyfriend, but it still felt good. "Fuck, Cas... Oh-" He had to bite his lip to keep himself from moaning 'Oh God'.

“I'm right here, I've got you," Castiel murmured, his fingers tweaking one of Dean's nipples. "Go as fast as you need."

Dean's breath hitched, and he thrust a bit faster, moaning Castiel's name. Castiel shivered at the sound of his name, flexing the muscles in his thighs.

Dean gasped and tossed his head back, panting and tensing up. He was already feeling himself tipping on the edge of orgasm. It was embarrassing how lost in the pleasure he felt, and he would’ve tried to mask it if it didn't feel so damn good. "Oh fuck, so close, so close- Cas-"

"Come for me, Dean." Castiel whispered, flexing his muscles again.

Dean gasped and shuddered as he came between Castiel's thighs, keeping as still as he could. Castiel reached a hand down to stroke what he could, helping Dean through his orgasm and ignoring the semen now covering his thighs as he pulled Dean down on top of him, kissing his forehead.

Dean breathed heavily, and did his best to not slump down on top of Castiel. "Wow..." he breathed out.

"Did you enjoy that?" he asked softly, carding his fingers through the damp hair.

"Fuck, yeah... Thanks," Dean murmured, closing his eyes. "We... We need a shower."

"Not yet, I don't want to move," he mumbled softly. "Merry Christmas, Dean."

"Mmmh... If you say so... Merry Christmas, Cas." Dean moved to lay beside Castiel.

Castiel shifted to curl up against Dean, kissing him softly. "I...I do have another gift for you," he admitted softly. "I just didn't want to give it in front of Sam and Bobby..."

Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel. "Really? Wow... You spoil me." He returned the kiss, and smiled slightly.

Castiel smiled, although he was clearly very nervous. "I'll give it to you after we clean up, okay?"

Desn nodded slowly. "All right..." He kissed Castiel again, now feeling really curious.

Castiel returned the kiss, cuddling until he couldn't bear the feeling of the drying semen between his legs. "Want to join me in the shower?" he asked.

Dean smiled. "Gladly," he replied, and slowly unwrapped himself from Castiel. He stretched when he'd gotten off the bed.

Castiel stretched as well. "If you get the water started, I'll change the sheets," he told Dean, looking at the mess on them.

Dean took a look at the sheets. "Yeah... As much fun as sex is, it's damn messy sometimes..." He scrunched his nose.

"It doesn't help when we both ejaculate," Castiel commented, stripping the bed down before he fetched some new sheets.

Dean hummed in agreement, and went to the bathroom to get the water running. Castiel joined him in the bathroom once the sheets were changed, smiling at the other and kissing him gently.

Dean smiled and kissed back just as gently. He tried the water in the shower, deeming it good enough as he let Castiel into the shower first, then joined him. Castiel immediately started to rub off the dried semen between his legs once he was under the spray, letting out a sigh of relief as it washed away.

Dean watched him quietly. "... Will that be off the menu in the future?" he asked, raising a brow.

Castiel looked up at him. "Not at all," he replied. "It's just uncomfortable when it dries."

Dean pursed his lips and nodded, then wrapped his arms around Castiel. "Okay."

Castiel leaned into Dean's arms for a little before helping him wash off.

When they got out, Castiel was clearly getting nervous. He wanted to give Dean his gift so badly, but he was also afraid for the other's reaction. Dean didn't say anything about it, even if he was curious as hell about what it could be. He handed Castiel a towel before grabbing one himself, and dried himself off.

Castiel dried off himself, and they made their way back to the bedroom, Castiel growing more and more paralyzed with nerves the closer they got. He bit his lip once they were in the room, shaking slightly, but going to his corner and going into his bag, pulling something very small out.

Dean sat down on the bed and let Castiel take his time. It was clearly something that he found important, and he really didn't want to rush his boyfriend.

Castiel turned and faced Dean, swallowing hard. It took him a few moments, but he extended a shaking hand towards the other, a ring box in it. Everything he wanted to say flew out the window as he stood there, eyes on Dean, face clearly scared. "I...I..." he swallowed hard, shaking almost as hard. "California....we can..."

Dean was staring at the box in Castiel's hand, and there was no way that anyone could mistake it for anything else. He was speechless, seeing as he'd thought for so long that he'd be the one to give Castiel a ring. Gradually, the situation sunk in, and he felt his cheeks start to burn and his eyes turn glassy. "Y-yeah.... We can," he said. Slowly, he stretched out his left hand.

Castiel's face lit up, and he shakily opened the box to take out the ring, sliding it on Dean's finger with trembling hands. The ring was silver, and it had two angel wings (the same that Castiel signed his artwork with) engraved into it. Once the ring was on, he threw his arms around Dean, hugging him tightly as he shook. Dean threw his arms around Castiel in return, and held him tightly. The ring felt odd on his finger, but he bet that he was going to get used to it in no time at all.

"I love you. I love you more than anything," Castiel finally managed to whisper, still shaking as he cried softly, the relief and happiness of Dean saying yes just overwhelming.

"I love you too," Dean replied, hiding his face in Castiel's shoulder. Tears were falling from his eyes, and if he looked at Castiel he might start sobbing.

Castiel was in the same boat, and just held Dean for a long time, still unable to believe that this gorgeous man, the beautiful, selfless Dean Winchester, was going to be his for the rest of their lives. 

Dean sniffled softly as he finally lifted his head, and took a good luck at the ring that Castiel had given him. "It's beautiful..." he murmured.

"I'm glad you like it," Castiel murmured in reply, pulling back so he could look at Dean, so much love written on his face for the other.

Dean felt so incredibly gross with his red, tear stained face, but he couldn't care less when Castiel looked at him like that. "... I'm still a bit speechless. Wow."

Castiel couldn't care less what Dean looked like, and he kissed the other softly. "I just...I can't imagine life without you anymore, and...and I knew, from the moment you made up your mind about California, that I wanted to marry you."

Dean chuckled softly. "It's so funny... Even before I made up my mind, Sam has bugged me about proposing - cause I wanted to, but I didn't have the guts... You beat me to it."

Castiel laughed. "Was that why you got so nervous this morning?" he asked softly, cupping Dean's cheek against his palm.

"Yeah... It was." Dean smiled awkwardly as he bit into his lip. Castiel chuckled, and kissed Dean again, not wanting to let the other go at all.

Dean kissed back gently. "If I hadn't already, I would've given you a great time right now," he murmured.

Castiel chuckled, running his fingers through Dean's hair. "Right now, all I want is to cuddle with you under the blankets, where it isn't so cold." he kisses Dean again, not wanting to stop kissing his fiancé.

Dean hummed happily. "Then... Let's get under the covers, and cuddle until we fall asleep." He let his hands rest on Castiel's waist. Castiel smiled, and climbed under the covers with Dean pressing close and tangling their legs together, kissing him soft and sweetly.

Dean put his arms around Castiel and held him close, kissing back just as sweetly. "I love you..."

"I love you too," Castiel murmured into the kiss. "And I'm so happy you said yes...this really has been the best Christmas."

"Mmh... Best Christmas, so far. We have many Christmases ahead of us..." Dean whispered.

Castiel smiled at the reminder, tucking his head under Dean's chin. "This is very true," he murmured, closing his eyes.

Dean closed his own eyes, and sighed happily. "It really is..."

"Good night, Dean. I love you so much..." Castiel whispered before falling asleep in Dean's arms.

"Sleep well, I love you too," Dean replied softly, and soon fell asleep himself.

Castiel woke the next morning, and stretched out slightly, a smile on his face as the memories from the previous night came rushing back. He slipped out of bed without disturbing Dean to head downstairs and start making breakfast. Dean just mumbled something his sleep and curled up, most of him ending up on Castiel's side of the bed as he continued to sleep.

Castiel smiled at the sight, before he went downstairs to make waffles and eggs.

Dean woke up after a while. He wanted to sleep longer, but he couldn't without Castiel. He took his time to get out of bed and get dressed, even if he shuddered from the cold, then went downstairs.

Castiel was humming a Christmas carol as he worked, not noticing Dean's entrance.

Dean smiled as he saw Castiel, and leaned against the kitchen doorframe, quietly watching his fiancé. It was a bit hard to believe that he was engaged. He couldn't be more happy, though. Castiel was wearing the new jeans and cardigan that Dean had given him, working happily to make food for them.

Dean looked Castiel up and down, and remained on his spot for a bit longer. Then he sneaked up behind Castiel to hug him gently. "Morning," he murmured.

Castiel jumped at the sudden arms around him, before he relaxed into them. "Good morning," he replied, looking at the other. "Breakfast is almost ready."

"Mmh. It smells good." Dean kissed Castiel's cheek. "And your legs do look fantastic in those jeans..."

Castiel's cheeks turned pink, but he smiled. "Should I find it sweet or creepy that you know my size?" he asked teasingly, moving to flip the eggs out of the pan.

Dean chuckled. He had just simply taken a look at Castiel’s size when they had been washing clothes. "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth," he replied, and playfully pinched Castiel's thigh, then rubbing gently over the spot with his hand. 

Castiel jumped slightly at the pinch, before setting down the empty pan and turning in Dean's arms, kissing his lips as he groped the other's ass with both hands. Dean's surprised moan was muffled by the kiss. He put his hands on Castiel's hips, and deepened the kiss. Castiel melted into the kiss, happily pressing closer.

"Geez, guys, really?" Sam complained as he walked into the kitchen. "Like you weren't loud enough last night."

Castiel's cheeks turned bright red, and he pulled away from the kiss.

Dean blushed and grimaced. "I thought you were at Jess' place... Did you come home while we were at it or something?"

"Yeah," he made a face. "I cranked up my headphones, which, thank you Cas, they are amazing, And tried to drown it out. Geez, it sounded like you guys were having your wedding night." He hadn't noticed the ring on Dean's finger.

Castiel's cheeks were red.

Dean brought one hand up to his face, and coughed into his fist awkwardly. "Well... I can't say I'm sorry. Guess you just had bad timing, Sammy."

"Apparently so," Sam muttered, moving to take a seat as Castiel plated breakfast up, handing each brother a plate of waffles and eggs.

Dean murmured a 'thank you' to Castiel as he sat down at the table. He did wonder if Sam would notice the ring before he or Castiel decided to mention it. Castiel gave Dean an amused look when Sam wasn't looking. He was planning on not mentioning anything until Sam noticed the ring. He prayed, and they started to set.

It took about halfway through breakfast before Sam just so happened to glance at Dean’s hand, notcing the glimmer of silver there. He paused with his fork halfway to his mouth, just staring.

Dean couldn't help but snicker at his brother. "What's the matter? You seen a ghost or something, Sammy?"

Sam swallowed, his eyes wide. "Holy shit, one of you actually had the balls to go through with proposing." he remarked.

"... One of- Are you saying that you knew that Cas also...?" Dean blinked, and looked between Sam and Castiel.

Sam nodded. "Dammit, I owe Jess thirty bucks now. She bet that Cas would be the one to propose, I bet on you." 

Castiel was a bright red. "Sam helped me chose the ring..." he muttered softly.

Dean shot Sam a dark look. "I would punch you if you hadn't been helping. What else are you and Jess betting on?"

"Hmm... Not much now. Pretty sure the next one is how long it'll take you guys to adopt."

Castiel's cheeks were a bright, bright red, and he couldn't look either of them in the face.

Dean looked very unimpressed. "Why do you have to bet on what me and Cas are doing? You can make bets about other people," he muttered.

"Because both of your reactions are just too priceless." Sam chuckled. "Congrats, by the way."

Dean just grumbled and went back to his breakfast.

Sam chuckled. "So, who's taking whose last name? Promise this isn't a bet."

Castiel was quiet for a few moments. "I was thinking about taking Winchester, if Dean agrees."

Dean chewed and swallowed before he spoke. "I've been thinking about going double. Y'know. Both of us taking both names," he said with a shrug. "Unless you only want Winchester..."

Castiel considered it for a few moments. "It's quite a mouthful," he pointed out. "Novak-Winchester, or Winchester-Novak."

Dean shrugged again. "I mean, I could always just take Novak…”

Castiel nodded. "I think I'd prefer to just take Winchester. I have no love or loyalty to Novak." he replied.

Dean looked at Castiel for a moment, then nodded. "Okay. I guess that's settled then..."

Castiel smiled at Dean, finishing his breakfast before he stood up to take their plates, taking them to the kitchen to wash them. 

Dean leaned back in his seat, and started to play a little with the ring, but not taking it off.

Sam chuckled. "Did you notice that the wings are the ones that Castiel uses when he signs artwork?" he asked.

"Yeah, I did. I'm not the brightest guy on the planet, but I'm not blind," Dean mumbled.

Sam just shrugged. "Wouldn't be the first time," he replied, giving Dean a smile.  
Castiel finished cleaning up and came back into the room.


	45. New Year's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILERS**
> 
>  
> 
> Castiel and Deann announce their engagement to their friends at Bobby's annual New Year's party. Jo decides that Castiel needs to drink for the first time, but it takes a fair amount of shots for them to feel anything. After sharing a New Year's kiss, Castiel, Dean and Jo play a game of truth or dare until things get heated between all three of them.
> 
>  **TRIGGER WARNINGS**  
>  Alcoholism, mentions of self harm scars,
> 
>  **KINKS**  
>  This chapter features a Dean/Castiel/Jo threesome. It's not very detailed and is over pretty quickly. **THIS IS A ONE TIME THING, IT IS NOT INTRODUCING A NEW COUPLE.**

A week passed, and it was New Years Eve. Dean and Castiel hadn't told anyone (with the exception of Bobby) about their engagement, wanting to surprise people with it when they arrived at Bobby's for a New Years party. There wouldn't be too many people; Jess and her parents, Ellen and Jo, and surprisingly, Sheriff Rufus Turner, who was a good friend of Bobby's.

Dean and Sam had collaborated on moving furniture around a bit to make place for everyone in the living room, then ended up helping Castiel with whatever he needed when it came to the cooking, while Bobby made sure everything was in order. Dean was very nervous. Ellen and Jo were, surprisingly, the first to arrive. They'd brought alcohol with them to contribute to the party.

Jo smiled, giving Dean a hug. "Hey, how's your break been?" she asked when they parted, calling a greeting to a still-cooking Castiel, who called back a greeting.

Dean returned the smile. "It's been good. How 'bout yours?" Things weren't awkward between them, but he was a bit scared of what Jo's reaction would be to the engagement.

"Normal, just been working at the Roadhouse. Mom got me a new knife!" she smiled happily. Jo collected knives, and had a sizable collection. She constantly joked about castrating Dean with them.

Dean stared at her. He knew she wasn't serious about cutting his junk off, but her enthusiasm about knives frightened him a bit. "... You better not be keeping one on you, or I will avoid you at all costs."

Jo chuckled "I may or may not have one," she winked. "So, what did you get for Christmas?"

Dean huffed and pushed her gently on the shoulder. "I got a gift card on gas for Baby, this amulet-" He pulled the amulet out from his shirt to show her. "And an autographed photo of Metallica."

Her eyes widened and she whistled. "Whoa, you made out like a bandit!" she chuckled. "Cas, do you need any help?" she called out.

"I could use another pair of hands." he replied. She nodded, and left Dean alone with Ellen.

Ellen was looking at Dean for a long moment before saying anything. "You seem different," she stated.

"Uh... I don't feel different," Dean said awkwardly.

She looked suspicious at that, but let it go.

After a while, Rufus turned up at the door. Not long after that, Jess and her family arrived, and it started to feel a bit cramped. Though it didn't matter, since everyone appeared to be friendly with each other. Sam had greeted Jess with a hug and kiss, and they were now cuddling on the couch.

Castiel came out of the kitchen about half an hour later. "Dinner's ready!" he called out. He had made a large pot of spaghetti, salad, burgers, homemade fries, grilled chicken, and rice. For dessert, he had made and iced a large cake.

Everyone was marveling at the food and the dessert, and Dean felt nothing but pride when Castiel's cooking was complimented - and maybe just a bit smug over the fact that he ate Castiel's cooking all the time.

Castiel smiled happily, leaning into Dean as they ate. "Has anyone noticed yet?" he asked softly, speaking of the ring on Dean's hand. Even Jess didn't know; they had made Sam swear not to tell her.

Dean resisted the urge to shake his head. "Ellen told me I look different, but she has no clue. No one else has said anything," he murmured. Castiel chuckled softly.

After a few moments, Bobby glanced at them. "Hey, you boys have something you wanna share?"

Dean chewed on his lip, and looked at Castiel, silently asking if he wanted to tell them.

Castiel nodded softly, taking Dean's hand and squeezing it for support. "Well...as you all know, Dean, Sam and I will be moving to California in the summer..." he swallowed, nervous with all the eyes on them. "And...we..we..." he couldn't get the word out, and looked at Dean for help.

Dean was also nervous, but not as much as Castiel. He awkwardly lifted his left hand to show them the ring. "We're engaged," he said, finishing what Castiel had been trying to say. There were some gasps and someone choking on their drink in surprise.

Jess was the first to say "Congratulations!", and she grinned happily at them.

Jo's eyes were on Dean, and she gave him a smile. It stung, yes, but Dean was happy with Castiel. And if he wanted to spend their lives together, then she was happy for them. "Wow...who knew that Dean would ever get engaged?" she tried to joke.

Dean licked his lips nervously. "Well, to be honest... Weirder things have happened," he replied.

Ellen huffed. "So that's what it was all about. Congrats, kids. You better invite me to your wedding, or I'll give you an earful." She smiled to the couple.

Castiel returned the smile. "Of course, Ellen."

Jess' dad smiled. "Congrats to you both."

Bobby chuckled. "Looks like we'll be making a road trip to California at some point." 

Dean smiled warmly, and was about to speak when Jess cut in.

"Can I please, pleeaase take a photo?" she asked, her phone in hand.

Dean rolled his eyes and chuckled, and looked at Castiel. "Can she?"

Castiel hesitated for a moment before he nodded, giving the camera a soft smile as he relaxed against Dean.

Jess snapped a photo of the two when they both looked relaxed enough, and smiled brightly. "Thank you!"

"You're welcome," Dean replied, still smiling.

Castiel nodded. "You're all invited, by the way," he told them. "To the wedding, although we won't be getting married for a while. We have to settle down before we can even start to plan it."

Jess' mom smiled. "That's a very good decision."

"We'll help you in any way that we can when the time comes," Ellen added.

Castiel smiled. "Thank you, and thank you all for being so accepting."

"Cas, you're our family now. How could we not be? You and Dean make each other so happy." Sam replied.

Dean smiled, and gently pulled Castiel closer. It went much smoother than he thought it would, and he was more relaxed and happy than he'd been in ages. Castiel gladly relaxed against Dean's side, lacing their fingers together.

"So Dean, when are you gonna get Cas a ring?" Jo asked, looking at the ring on Dean's hand.

"In the very near future," Dean said. He wanted to give Castiel a nice ring, and he had one idea that he really liked, though unfortunately he hadn't got time to go off and make it happen - yet.

Castiel blushed slightly. "You don't have-"

"Shush, Cas. Yes he does," Jo chuckled.

Bobby turned on the television; it was 11:30 now.

"Not to mention, I want to," Dean said. He glanced at the tv. "Oh, only half an hour left."

Castiel flushed, but didn't make a huge deal out of it.

Jo chuckled, glancing at the unattended liquor. "Hey Cas, how good are you at doing shots?"

Castiel was confused. "I'm not old enough to drink,"

"Yeah, and Dean will tell you that's bullshit, c'mon!" she pulled him over to the table, and set up some shots for Cas, Dean, and herself.

Dean groaned, but followed along anyway. "Jooooo... Are you seriously going to _test_ him? That's a bad idea, and I know that you know it."

"Cmon Dean, we've been drinking since we were twelve." she replied, handing Dean his first one before downing her own.

Castiel glanced at Dean, before he downed his exactly like Jo did without blinking an eye.

Jo cocked an eyebrow. "Not bad, angel."

Dean actually hesitated, before he gave in and downed his shot. "Cas always finds a way to surprise."

Castiel matched Jo shot for shot. She cocked an eyebrow at him. "Not bad for your first time."

He stared back at her. "I think I'm starting to feel something."

Dean had stopped half way to just stare at Castiel with a look of disbelief. "... Damn."

Castiel looked at Dean. "Am I doing this wrong?"

"The opposite, really. You're doing really well." Dean finished off the rest of his shots, one by one.

Jo giggled. "Well, we found someone to match your immunity to alcohol, Dean."

Dean pursed his lips. "I honestly don't know what to feel about that."

Jo waved her hand. "Give him an hour, he'll be out. I still remember how you were the first time we drank."

Castiel tilted his head quizzically. "How was he?"

"Downed half a bottle of whiskey like it was nothing, had a hangover for three days." she snickered.

"Excuse me, but if we're going to play that game - then I hope you remember our first encounter with tequila," Dean said as he looked at Jo, smiling smugly.

Jo blushed, her emotions coming out more when she was buzzed. "Don't you dare."

Dean smirked. "I just wanted to see if you still remembered."

"You'll have to get me drunker than this for me to admit that story," Jo chuckled, taking another shot. "But will you admit to your fiancé why you never will drink vodka again?"

Castiel was confused by the drinking stories, but amused by them too.

Dean turned red at the memory. "I swear, someone must've put something in the bottle... And I haven't drank vodka since then, because I haven't been drunk enough to even think about it."

Jo laughed. "Let's just say that he should be glad I was there," she chuckled, cheeks getting red, but not from embarrassment. "Otherwise you may not have a fiancé."

Castiel looked at Dean. "Why? What happened?"

Dean pressed his lips tightly together, and was quiet for a moment. "... I'm too sober. Jo can tell you if you don't want to wait until I'm buzzed." He downed two more shots.

Jo chuckled, taking another shot while Castiel took one as well. "Basically, we decided to get drunk, and got our hands on a bottle of vodka. We split it, and got pretty wasted, but Dean didn't know that I had taken it from the Roadhouse, and thought I had gotten it elsewhere. There was this chick nearby, and Dean decided to try to get lucky. So he took the bottle like the dumbshit he is and ran smack into my mom, and I don't think I need to say anything else," she giggled. 

"If I hadn't been that drunk and chilled out, I might've shat myself," Dean admitted, his eyes wide as he looked at Castiel. "Ellen's scary as fuck when she's mad. She was _furious_."

Jo laughed. "It's your own dumb fault for taking the bottle with you."

Castiel chuckled, feeling slightly buzzed from the liquor. 

"That's what happens when you're drunk off your ass, single, constantly horny because of hormones, and see someone really hot that you wanna impress," Dean muttered.

Jo snorted, taking another shot. "You don't even remember what happened when we managed to get drunk off of Long Island Teas, so don't even go there."

"Hey, that's not true. I do remember that one time when Rhonda Hurley and I-" Dean closed his mouth, shutting himself up. Discussing his past drunk hooks up in front of Castiel didn't feel like a good idea.

"That was when were were drunk on margaritas," Jo replied. "And you were sober as shit when Rhonda made you try on her-"

Dean's whole face turned red, and he put his hand over Jo's mouth to shut her up. "Okay, okay, I don't remember the Long Island Teas... Just shut up."

Jo cackled. "What, you too ashamed to talk about some of your kinks around Cas?" she teased.

Dean was saved by Bobby calling out. "Hey, countdowns starting!"

Dean shot her a dark look. Then he joined in as everyone in the room started to shout along with the countdown. When the countdown hit zero, everyone cheered. Sam and Jess kissed, and Castiel looked up at Dean with a smile. Dean smiled back, and leaned in to press a chaste kiss to Castiel's lips.

Castiel returned the kiss, smiling. "Happy New Years, Dean." he murmured.

"Happy New Years, Cas," Dean replied, and grinned as he straightened up.

Bobby, Rufus, Ellen, and Jess' parents resumed their earlier conversation, while Jo giggled. "Cmon, we haven't finished our shots yet!" she urged the couple back to the kitchen.

"Just don't start running your mouth about all the shit I've done while drunk," Dean said as he went along. This time, he poured the shots.

"Not all of it was done drunk," she pointed out, taking one of them when Dean gave it to her, which Castiel followed. "Cas, honey you're going to have the biggest hangover." she told him.

Castiel blinked. "It can't be that bad, I'm barely feeling anything. My head does feel a little fuzzy, though."

"That's what they all say. But... At least it's not whiskey." Dean pursed his lips. "Now whiskey's fun. You don't feel a thing. You're fine. Then an hour later, it takes two minutes to go from happy, dancing drunk to unconscious drunk on the floor."

Jo laughed. "Which he can speak from experience." she told Castiel. "Dean, shall we see how long it takes to get Castiel drunk? Since I assumed he would be gone after the first round of shots, but he's barely buzzed."

"I'm not sure. Ellen might kill us," Dean mumbled. "She's taken him under her wing in her odd, motherly way. We do something bad- and we're royally screwed."

"It's New Years," she replied, "And he'll get drunk sooner or later, it's better he's with us than not," she pointed out.

"... Yeah, that's true." Dean turned to Castiel. "What do you think? You up for it?"

Castiel thought about it. "Why not?" he decided. "So long as no pictures are taken."

Jo laughed, handing him another shot, which he took. "Trust me Cas, you'll be nowhere near as bad as us." she looked at Dean then. "We should play a drinking game."

Dean raised a brow. "I don't think I know of any drinking games that are appropriate when there are parents in the next room..."

Jo chuckled, grabbing the bottle. "Then let's head upstairs!"

Dean rolled his eyes and smiled slightly, then stood up and offered his hand to Castiel. "Should we ask if Jess and Sammy wanna join?"

Jo shook her head. "Didn't you notice? They snuck outside after the countdown, and you'll have to get me drunker than this to fetch them."

Castiel took Dean's hand and followed the two upstairs. Jo took them into Dean and Castiel's room and closed the door, sitting cross-legged on the bed. Castiel sat next to her.

Dean grabbed the chair that stood in the corner and pulled it over to the bed, and sat down. "So, this is probably unnecessary, but I'll say it just to be safe. No stripping, what-so-ever. I'm okay with pretty much anything else..."

Jo pouted. "Aww, Dean, don't lie, you want to show off your chest."

Castiel mouthed a thank-you at Dean.

"Sorry Jo, but this is off-limits. Otherwise, Cas here would bite my head off." Dean grinned, and winked at Castiel, as if saying 'you're welcome'.

Jo pouted. "Fine." she bit her lip in thought. "Ooh, I know! Truth or dare, you can decline any of them, but if you do you have to take a drink."

"All right. I'm okay with that. Since this is Cas' first time drinking, we should let him have the first turn, me thinks..."

Castiel bit his lip as he thought. "Jo, truth or dare?" he asked.

"Truth"

"What happened when you drank tequila?"

Jo laughed, and took a long drink from the bottle. "Fuck that," she grinned when she finished. "Maybe later. Dean, truth or dare?"

"Let's go with truth," Dean replied.

"What is the kinkiest thing you've done in bed?"

"The kinkiest thing I _remember_ doing is... Uh... Damn. Try again later." Dean grabbed the bottle and drank from it. "Cas. Truth or dare?"

"Dare," Castiel decided, figuring it would be less painful coming from Dean than from Jo.

Dean chewed on his lip. "I dare you to... Sit on my lap for at least the next four truths or dares."

Castiel smirked, and moved to sit in Dean's lap, comfortable there. Jo stuck her tongue out.

"Dean, truth or dare?" he asked.

Dean made a funny face at Jo in return. "Well, truth, since I'm stuck with you for a while," he replied.

Castiel chuckled. "What was your first kiss like?" he asked.

"Not very pleasant. I was 13, at a party, and the girl was trying to suck my face off. She even bit my lip, then she threw up in a potted plant at the taste of blood." Dean grimaced. "Jo, truth or dare?"

Castiel made a face.

Jo chuckled. "Dare, bitch."

Dean rolled his eyes. "Recite the alphabet, backwards. If you can't, you take a drink, blondie."

"Zywvut...fuck." she groaned, and took a drink. "Cas, truth or dare."

"Truth."

"Why do you always wear long sleeves?"

Castiel was silent for a moment before he took the bottle and took a very long drink. "Dean, truth or dare?" he asked when he was done.

"I'm gonna go with truth, again." Dean gently squeezed Castiel's hip.

"What's the most embarrassing thing you've done at school?" he asked.

"... Damn. That's a good question... Must be when my pants ripped when I leaned down to pick up my bag from the floor." Dean couldn't help but chuckle and shake his head. "Truth or Dare, Cas?"

"Truth," he replied.

"What famous person do you find is the hottest?"

Castiel smirked at that. "Jensen Ackles," he replied teasingly.

The game continued, all of them getting steadily more and more drunk, until it was Castiel's turn to ask Dean a question. "What's it like being with a girl?" he asked, his words slurring.

"Mmh... Wow... It's different. Girls are soft, and smooth, and their voices are high... They taste different, and they're so warm and wet. It feels kind of like a mouth, only without the teeth. And a bit tighter," Dean said with a sigh, cheeks a bit red. "Why're you asking, hon?"

"Just curious. Only ever been with you." Castiel murmured, stretching out on the bed next to Jo.

"Awww, so sweet," she slurred, petting Castiel's hair.

"Mmh... I think I'm drunk, to be honest," Dean mumbled as he closed his eyes. He was still on the chair, but had put his legs on the bed.

"So, since you never answered earlier, what is the kinkiest thing you've done?" Jo asked, her head resting on Castiel's chest, clearly drunk.

Dean chuckled, unable to keep his head straight. "I've done a lot of kinky shit... Like... Rhonda. Fuck. She dressed me in her panties and then spanked me until I almost blacked out... Then I blacked out 'cause I came so hard when she jacked me off..."

Jo chuckled. "Shoulda known..."

Castiel let out a drunk laugh. "Something I should keep in mind..." he muttered. "How bout you, Jo?"

"Threesome," she replied, stretching. "With a guy and a girl."

"Oooh... Did one of you girls ride his dick while the other sat on his face?" Dean asked.

"Yeah...too bad the guy doesn't remember it." she shifted to look at Dean. "He was too drunk off of Long Island teas."

Dean stared at Jo for a long moment, clearly thinking hard but not able to connect the dots. "... What an ass. Sounds familiar though. Do I know 'im?"

"Very well," she replied, flopping back on Castiel's chest. "Hey...Dean, would you be pissed if I kissed Cas? His lips just look so...kissable."

Dean was puzzled, but didn't think more of it. "Uh... If it's without his consent, then yeah. I would... No one gets to hurt him..."

"Course," she looked at Cas. "Wanna kiss a girl?" she slurred.

Castiel wasn't thinking clearly at all, and shrugged. "No sex," he replied.

"Course not," she murmured, and leaned up to kiss him.

It was different from kissing Dean. Her lips were softer and plumper, and she tasted heavily of the alcohol they had been drinking.

Dean watched them quietly, and his stomach clenched. "... And no tongues," he said.

Jo pulled away after a few moments, and Castiel had a confused look on his face, looking at Dean and beckoning him closer. "You kiss better..." he mumbled.

Jo pouted. "M not that bad."

"No, but I'm not attracted to you. Maybe if you had a penis." he mumbled, leaning up to kiss Dean.

Dean made a soft noise as he moved over to Castiel, and leaned down to meet the other in a deep kiss. His stomach unclenched and he relaxed, and he almost forgot that Jo was there. Castiel returned the keep kiss, letting out a soft moan. He was getting extremely horny, and Jo noticed it. 

"Can I watch?" she requested, voice low as she felt her stomach clench as she watched the two boys make out.

Dean broke the kiss and looked at her. He then looked down at Castiel. "Cas...?"

"Hmmm?" he hummed, having been too distracted by Dean to hear Jo.

"Jo wants to watch us..." Dean murmured. "What do you think...?"

Castiel just hummed and wrapped his arms around Dean again, pulling him into another deep kiss, rocking his hips slightly. Dean closed his eyes and kissed back, burying his fingers in Castiel's hair while pressing his body flush against him.

Castiel let out a low moan into the kiss, his hands slipping underneath Dean's shirt.

Jo scooted back on the bed, her eyes on them as she started to tease herself, a hand on her breast over her shirt.

Dean slowly started to grind his hips down against Castiel's, moving a hand to rub his thumb over Castiel's jaw to coax his lips more open, then slipped his tongue inside to taste him.

Castiel invited Dean in, their kiss tasting of the alcohol they had drunk. Castiel ground his hips back against Dean, letting out low whimpers and moans until they parted just long enough for Dean's shirt to come off. Castiel had forgotten that Jo was even there. Jo kept quiet, and her hand slid inside her jeans as she started to play with herself, watching the two.

Dean kissed Castiel again, and let his hands roam over his fiancé's sides, hips and thighs. The only thing that existed in his bubble was him and Castiel. He sucked on Castiel's bottom lip, before moving down to kiss and suck wetly on the pale neck. Castiel shivered and let out a soft moan, tilting his head away from Dean so he could kiss his neck. His hands moved to grab his fiancé's ass, rutting against him a little faster.

Dean moaned and pressed a thigh between Castiel's legs and against his crotch. "So hard, Cas..." he murmured, then sucked a huge mark on the skin.

Castiel whimpered, rutting against Dean's thigh. "Dean...please..." he whispered, pre-cum already soaking through his boxers.

Jo let out a soft noise as she pulled her jeans off so he had better reach, slipping a finger into herself.

Dean breathed heavily as he lifted his head. "Want me to suck you off, Cas?" he asked, voice husky from arousal and the alcohol. "I could be noisy... Moan while I suck and lick all over your cock..."

Castiel let out a pleased moan in response, and Jo's breath hitched as she worked herself, alternating between rubbing her clit and fingering herself.

Dean kissed Castiel on the lips, then moved so that his face was in level with Castiel's groin. He fumbled to unbutton and unzip the pants, then pushed them down with the boxers, but only enough to pull out Castiel's erection. He held it up with his hand, and licked at the tip. Castiel groaned, his hands tightening into the sheets, his drunken mind wondering why Dean wasn't undressing him like he would normally, but going along with it. Jo let out a soft moan at the sight, working her fingers faster, and then slowing down, not wanting this to be over yet.

Dean lapped up the precome with a moan, before licking the shaft from the base and up, then swirled his tongue around the head and teased the slit. He repeated the steps, then put the tip in his mouth and sucked. Castiel let out pants and whimpers as Dean worked, rocking his hips slowly in and out of Dean's mouth.

Jo was getting closer, and she whimpered softly as he rubbed at her clit, wishing that she could have something thicker than her thin fingers filling her. "Dean...help...please..." she whispered after a while, unable to take it anymore.

Dean moaned and continued to suck. He lifted a hand and crooked his fingers, motioning for Jo to come closer.  
Jo moved closer, within Dean's reach, her body shaking slightly.

Dean caressed the inside of her thigh, before pressing his fingers to her wet labia and then stroking her slowly. He moaned around Castiel's cock. Castiel and Jo let out simultaneous moans, Castiel's eyes opening slightly and stroking Jo's back with one hand, making her shiver.

Dean gently pressed the pad of his thumb against Jo's clit, while slowly pushing two fingers into her. He took Castiel deeper into his mouth. Jo let out a moan, tossing her head back as she shook and was filled, close to the edge.

Castiel was close too, and he whimpered. "Dean... Close...."

Dean slowly pushed his fingers in and out of Jo, crooking them slightly to try to stimulate her most sensitive spot. He slowly bobbed his head up and down Castiel's length, while sucking harder.

Castiel tensed hard and cried out as he came into Dean's mouth, followed soon after by Jo, who clenched around Dean's fingers as she rocked her hips into his hand.

Dean swallowed Castiel's load and let Jo ride it out. When they were both done, he pulled away and pressed his hand against his own crotch, palming and rubbing at himself until he came in his pants with a shaky moan.

Castiel frowned. "Why didn't you let me help?" he complained softly, although he was already about to fall asleep.

Jo had relaxed into the bed, naked from the waist down and completely passed out.

Dean didn't really have an answer, so he just kissed Castiel a bit sloppily. "I don't know..." he mumbled. Castiel just pulled Dean down and cuddled up against him, feeling the warmth from both his and Jo's bodies, passing out not much later.

Dean managed one act of decency, and somehow managed to cover Jo up before he soon passed out too.


	46. The Morning After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILERS**
> 
> Castiel and Dean wake up feeling horrid, thanks to the amount they drank the previous night. Castiel has vague memories of the time they spent with Jo, but Dean reassures him that even if they had sex with someone else, he wasn't tired of Castiel and still loved him more than anything. When they make it downstairs, Sam reveals that a surprising duo got together while they were busy drinking.
> 
>  **TRIGGER WARNINGS**  
>  Hangovers/references to alcohol, vomiting,

Castiel woke the next morning with a pounding headache, and he groaned softly. He could feel two pairs of arms wrapped around him, which confused him greatly, before the events of the previous night came rushing back. Jo had cuddled up to Castiel as they slept, her arms around him and resting on Dean's waist. She was still completely out. Dean was snoring softly and drooling on Castiel's shoulder, also fast asleep.

Castiel made a face, his head feeling like it had a knife driven through it, and guilt slammed into him. They had had some form of sex with Jo last night, judging from the fact that her hips were bare and Dean's pants were stained with come. Did he really not satisfy Dean enough? he tried to get out from their grips, but he couldn't, and just resigned himself to laying there, his head pounding. He was never getting so wasted again.

After a long while, Dean started to wake up, and he let out a noise that sounded like a dying animal. "Oh fuck me sideways..." he slurred, squeezing his eyes tightly shut.

Jo stirred not much longer later, groaning and burying her face into Castiel's back to hide form the sun, causing him to tense. "Fuckkk...." she mumbled. Castiel just let out a soft, pained groan.

Dean was surprised at the feminine voice, then he started to slowly remember last night. He felt quite speechless by it all, but the pain soon took over. Then it didn't take long until he quickly got out of bed and headed straight for the bathroom. Castiel grew nauseous at hearing Dean vomit from the bathroom, and he bolted, making it to a trashcan before he started to vomit as well, body shaking.

Dean flushed the toilet when he was done, and rinsed his mouth in the bathroom sink, then shakily splashed his face with cold water. He felt terrible, and incredibly guilty for letting Castiel get drunk too. Castiel was crying, shuddering over the trashcan as he vomited for quite a while. He was in so much pain and hurt, from the hangover, and guilty as he'll for the events of the previous night. Jo was curled up in the bed, curled up on herself.

Dean stumbled back into the bedroom when he felt like he wouldn't need to throw up anymore. He had to swallow down some bile as he saw Castiel, and went over to his fiancé to kneel and put a hand on his back. "Fuck, Cas... I'm sorry," he mumbled, doing his best to not let the smell get to him.

"Never getting drunk again," he moaned, shuddering.

"You don't hav'ta," Dean replied, gently rubbing his hand over Castiel's back in a comforting manner.

"How is this fun?" he groaned, vomiting again.

Dean covered his nose and mouth with his free hand. "We... Drank too much. Otherwise it isn't so bad..."

Castiel shook as he finished. "Sorry..." he whimpered, curling in on himself.

"No no, it's fine... Shit happens." Dean swallowed thickly.

Castiel shuddered, and curled up against Dean, panting softly.

"It's going to be okay, Cas..." Dean mumbled, wrapping his arm around Castiel's shoulders.

Castiel curled into him. "It hurts so bad..." he whimpered.

"I know, I know... I'm gonna grab you some water and pain killers when you feel like you're not gonna be sick anymore... Then you'll get to sleep it off... Okay?"

Castiel nodded and whimpered. "M sorry..."

"Ssh, it's okay Cas... I'll take care o'you..." Dean murmured.

"M sorry..." he repeated. "M not enough..."

Dean frowned. "What are you talking 'bout, Cas...?"

"Last night with Jo..." he muttered.

"... What did I do to make you feel like you're not enough...?"

"We had sex with her, didn't we?" he asked

Dean held Castiel tightly. "Shit..."

Castiel buried his face into Dean's shoulder. "I'm sorry..."

"Hey, hey... Cas. Just because we had drunk sex with someone else, doesn't mean you're not enough for me..." Dean mumbled.

"Don't you miss being with girls though?" he asked softly.

Dean slowly shook his head. "Not really."

Castiel groaned into Dean's shoulder, before he moved back over the trashcan to vomit again.

Dean gently rubbed Castiel's back again. "It's going to be all right..."

Once Castiel had emptied his stomach again, he slumped against Dean, face contorted with pain.

Dean kissed the top of Castiel's head, and brushed some hair off his damp forehead. "I promise to not let you get that drunk again..."

Jo was passed out again on the bed.

Castiel shuddered. "I don't think I want to drink again..."

Dean nodded slightly, and glanced at the bed with a frown. "Okay..."

Castiel was panting, and groaning. "Wanna sleep...."

"All right..." Dean slowly stood up, and then helped Castiel get up. Carefully, he lead Castiel back to the bed. Castiel flopped into the bed next to Jo, and curled up, falling asleep rather quickly.

Dean sighed as he looked at the two. He tried not to throw up as he took the trashcan and got rid of Castiel's vomit in the bathroom. When the trashcan was clean, he put it by the side of the bed, so that Castiel could use it if necessary. Then he went downstairs, leaving Jo and Castiel to sleep off their hang overs.

Sam chuckled when he saw Dean. "So, how're you feeling?"

"... I smell and look like shit. How do you think I'm feeling?" Dean grumbled.

Sam laughed. "Jo and Cas sleeping off their hangovers?"

Dean winced at Sam's laughter. "Yeah... Cas was up for a bit. Sick as a dog. Then passed out again." He grabbed a glass and filled it with water.

Sam winced. "Well, you live and you learn. Ellen and Bobby ended up in his room, so she's still here." he made a face.

Dean choked on his water, and put the glass down as he coughed harshly. "Oh my fucking God..."

"Yeah..." Sam gagged slightly. "Not something I wanna think about. Jess is still asleep."

"Ugh..." Dean took a shaky breath as he leaned against the counter. "Speaking of Jess... Jo told me that you two snuck out last night...?"

Sam chuckled. "Well, we weren't about to have sex upstairs with everyone there," he pointed out.

"... Well... T-that's a good point..." Dean tried not to panic as he realized that someone might've heard him, Jo and Castiel last night.

Sam chuckled. "You and Cas have never learned how to be quiet, so no one was surprised, don't worry."

Dean chewed on his lip. "... I guess you're right."

Sam got up and gave Dean some pain pills.

Dean managed a small smile. "Thanks, dude..." He swallowed them with some water.

Sam chuckled. "Just make sure you take care of Cas. He's never been drunk before, has he?"

"It was the first time he drank. Ever. Told me he never wanted to drink again..." Dean murmured.

"You got him absolutely wasted, what do you expect?" he asked. "So where did Jo end up while you two were going at it?"

"Uh... I'm not entirely sure... I think she went out of the room to to drunk-dial some guy, and then me and Cas just... Yeah."

Sam nodded. "Cmon, let's watch some TV, I'll keep the volume low."

Dean felt incredibly relieved that Sam bought the explanation. He nodded slightly. "All right," he said, and went with Sam to the living room.

Jo made her way down a few hours later, dressed. She groaned and got herself some water and painkillers. "Cas' still asleep." she muttered.

Dean nodded slowly as he looked at her. "That's good. How'd you sleep?"

"I was dead," she replied, joining the boys on the couch. She could barely remember the events of the previous night.

Dean tried to act like nothing had happened, but he couldn't help but rub his thigh a little. "No surprise, really..."

Castiel came downstairs a few hours later, rubbing at his forehead. "Hello..." he murmured.

"Hey, Cas... Feeling better now?" Dean asked softly.

"My head is still pounding, but I'm not nauseous anymore," he replied, taking some painkillers. He was extremely pale.

"Okay." Dean chewed on his lip. "You better make sure to drink a lot of water..."

Castiel nodded, downing a glass before he moved to join the others on the couch. Sam and Jo moved so he could sit with Dean, which he gladly did, curling up against him. Dean wrapped an arm around Castiel and held him close, while they mindlessly watched whatever was airing on the TV. Jess came downstairs a few moments later, and Sam went with her outside.

Jo stretched out slightly. "What happened last night?" she mumbled.

Dean tensed up. "Uh... I'm not sure, to be honest. Don't really remember much," he said, hoping Castiel would play along.

Castiel shifted. "I remember having a great orgasm..." he mumbled.

Jo frowned slightly. "Any reason I woke up without pants? I thought you said no stripping..."

Dean shook his head slowly. "Sorry, got no clue... Maybe you went to the bathroom and just... Forgot to put them back on?"

Jo just grunted slightly. "So Cas, how was it?"

"Miserable. Never getting drunk again." Castiel murmured. Dean kissed the top of his boyfriend's head, and Castiel just curled up tightly and fell back asleep.

"Where'd my mom go?" Jo asked, yawning.

"According to Sam, she went with Bobby to his bedroom..." Dean said quietly.

Jo choked. "Oh, fuck no..."

"I know, I had the same reaction." Dean pinched the bridge of his nose.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me." she groaned.

"We'll just have to see, don't we...?" Dean mumbled and closed his eyes, feeling incredibly tired.

"That's disturbing on all levels." she groaned.

Dean huffed softly. "I know. Can't be anything else, really..."

A while later, Ellen came downstairs, grunting out a "Hello, kids." as she passed by on her way to the kitchen.

Bobby followed not long afterwards, looking too pleased for his own good. "Mornin." he mumbled.

"It's four in the afternoon, Bobby." Jo yawned.

Dean looked at Bobby. "Did you... 'Sleep' well, Bobby?" he asked.

"Just as well as you did," he replied, following Ellen into the kitchen.

".... Yep, they did. There's no doubt about it," Dean mumbled.

Jo groaned. "That's horrid,.." she grumbled.

"Could be worse, really... Though I really don't want to think about it," Dean mumbled sleepily, feeling himself starting to doze off.

Jo yawned, and put her head on Dean's shoulder as she fell back asleep.

Dean was out like a light, and the three of them slept soundly.

Castiel woke around 9 pm, feeling much better, although his head still ached. Jo was curled up against Dean's side, and he left them to make something quick and light to eat.

Dean woke up not much later. He felt the absence of Castiel, but really couldn't be bothered to get up. He was too comfy where he was, and he didn't want to open his eyes.

Castiel threw together some quick ham sandwiches, bringing one back for both Jo and Dean. "Here, you need to eat something," he coaxed the other, giving him his plate.

Jo groaned. "Do I have to?"

"Yes," he said firmly.

Dean forced his eyes open and obediently took the sandwich he was given, seeing no use in protesting. "Thanks Cas," he mumbled, nibbling on the sandwich.

Jo started nibbling on her own. Satisfied, Castiel sat back down on the couch and started slowly eating his own.

Dean was quiet as he ate, thinking of last night and his birthday that was coming up later that month.

Jo stretched once she was finished. "Where's my mom?" she asked sleepily.

"Back in Bobby's room..." Castiel made a face. "You may be spending the night again."

Dean huffed softly. "I honestly don't know if I should be amused or very disturbed..."

"Disturbed," Jo replied.


	47. Violated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **MASSIVE TRIGGER WARNING**
> 
> **THIS CHAPTER IS CENTERED AROUND A DETAILED RAPE. IF THIS IS TRIGGERING FOR YOU, PLEASE SKIP THIS CHAPTER ENTIRELY. THE ACTUAL RAPE IS ONLY IN THIS CHAPTER, BUT THE REPERCUSSIONS SPILL OVER FOR A FEW MORE.**
> 
> **Cinder and Uke do not at all encourage this behaviour. It is sick and wrong, but we wrote it for the sake of storytelling. We have given ample warning about this event.**
> 
> **Also included are homophobic slurs and physical violence as well as demeaning self harm scars and other symptoms of depression and anxiety.**
> 
> **SUMMARY (not tagged spoilers because of sensitive matters)**
> 
> Alistair and his gang catch Castiel alone, and abduct him and Dean to an undisclosed location. While there, Uriel and Azaezel violate Castiel, and Alistair begins violating Dean before the police arrive, thanks to Castiel's quick thinking and Sam's help, and arrest the gang. Castiel and Dean are taken to the hospital to be treated.

Two weeks passed, and school had been back in session. Bobby and Ellen had announced (to no one's surprise) that they were now dating. Castiel had been trying to plan something for Dean's birthday, and since Dean and Sam were at school and Bobby and Ellen out of the house, he decided to go out and run some errands alone. Alistair and Uriel hadn't been seen in months, and he figured it was about time he could go out alone again.

Unbeknownst to everyone, Alistair and Uriel hadn't been planning to stay gone. They had been around for a long while just lurking around town unseen, while keeping an eye out. They knew that Castiel and the others kept together all the time while outside, so it was a big surprise when they saw Castiel alone, coming from the direction of Bobby Singer's home. It wasn't an opportunity that they would just let go, and they didn't hesitate to approach him since there weren't a lot of people around.

_Meanwhile, Azaezel, Richard “Dick” Roman, and Bartholomew were all keeping an eye on Dean at school. When he retreated to the bleachers as he always did for lunch, they snuck up behind him and knocked him unconscious, taking him to the hideout that Alistair and Uriel had been using._

Castiel wasn't paying attention a first, but when he glanced up and saw Alistair and Uriel's faces, his face completely drained of color. He fumbled for his cell phone, but Uriel moved forwards and knocked it out of his hand. "Whoa there, little faggot." he smirked. "That phone call you were trying to make isn't nearly as important as running into an old friend now, is it?"

Every single self defense move Dean had taught him flew out of his head, and he was pulled off of the sidewalk, pinned against a nearby wall. Alistair, just like always, didn't lift a finger. He smirked as he moved closer, standing beside Castiel and Uriel. He tilted his head slightly and look at Castiel. "Now this is just perfect. The faggot goes out on his own for the first time in... However long. Does Dean know you're out, or are you being a bad pet?"

"Fuck off," Castiel spat, struggling against Uriel's firm grip. Uriel retaliated with a punch to the face, which Castiel took without a sound.

Uriel grinned. "Well, shall we show this little prick what happens when he thinks it's all okay?" he asked. "The others should have grabbed Winchester by now."

Alistair chuckled and nodded. "That's a wonderful idea, Uriel. Let's get a move on, before someone sees us." He looked at Castiel. "I promise, it'll be enjoyable. Though, probably not for you. And maybe Dean."

Castiel paled even further, but didn't struggle. If they really had Dean...he at least needed to see where they were keeping him, and be there to help him and try to stop the rape that they were clearly planning on doing. But Uriel knocked him unconscious not even a few moments later.

He came to when he was slapped in the face, bound to a chair. Dean had been positioned spread-eagle on his stomach, and he was naked. "Dean!" Castiel cried out, struggling against his bonds.

Alistair grabbed Castiel roughly by the hair, and forced him to look him in the eye. "Well hello there, freak. How nice of you to join us again," he purred, then made Castiel look at Dean again. "It's a nice sight, isn't it? I bet that you've already seen him naked, though. You've probably had lots of sex, too. Like the whores you are. Tell me, which one of you is the bitch?"

Castiel was struggling, and he let out no cries of pain, although he was shaking with an attack. This was his fault, all his fault...Dean would have never been pulled into this if not for him.

"Alistair, look at this pretty ring Winchester's got." Uriel nodded at Dean's left hand. "Looks like the little queers want to try their hardest to procreate!"

Dick chuckled from where he was leaning against the wall. "They probably wanted to go off to somewhere, marry, buy a house, adopt a kid. So sweet, and freaking hilarious. Ring doesn't look like it's worth much though."

Alistair smiled. "Aww. Little faggot thought he'd get a happy ending? Well, we're going to have fun ruining your plans... Now, didn't your mother teach you to answer people when they ask you a question, _Cas_?"

Castiel was scared, more terrified than he had been in his life, even when he thought he was about to die by Uriel's hands. And then, with a stroke of luck, he remembered what he had in his back pocket; a device Ash had made, that when activated, texted their coordinates to each other. He shifted, slamming his ass against the seat, and praying he had activated it.

"I am..." Castiel muttered, glaring at the other boys, and especially Alistair.

Alistair looked slightly surprised, and then put on a smile. "You're what?" he asked irritably, clearly not happy with Castiel's response, then snapped his attention over to Dean.

Dean started to from where he was laying, and he let out a weak groan as he shivered. He didn't know where he was. His head hurt, and it was incredibly cold.

Alistair smiled wider. "Oh, my... Looks like he's decided to join us. My friends, the real fun starts now."

Castiel whined slightly as Azazel slapped him. "Hey, which do you think would hurt worse; if I took this little fag in front of Winchester, checked to see if he really is such a bitch, or if you took Winchester first?"

Dean's mind started to clear, and he started to feel the panic rising in him. Just what was going on? Why was he on the floor? Why was it so cold - oh God, was he naked?

"Mmh... That's a good question. You could start undressing the fag while we're thinking about it." Alistair said as he let go of Castiel’s hair and went over to Dean, a pressed a foot between his shoulders blades. "Mh. What if the fag's telling the truth... And Dean-o here, has never taken a cock? I bet he's tighter than Ass-tiel." He pressed his food harder against Dean, causing him to groan.

Azazel started yanking off Castiel's clothes, while Castiel tried his hardest to fight. Uriel came over to help, and they tossed his ripped clothing to the side. Azazel laughed at the sight. "Look at how scarred he is...why didn't you ever get the guts to finish what you started, little emo faggot?"

"It's too bad that Uriel's attempt at helping him failed..." Dick piped in as he came closer. "Look how thin he is, though. I wouldn't touch him even if I was paid." He kneeled in front of Dean, to lift his head and make him look at Castiel. "Dean, you really have a bad taste for men… Wouldn’t have imagined that considering all the sluts you’ve fucked."

Dean swallowed thickly as he stared at Castiel with wide eyes.

Castiel's eyes were just as wide and afraid as he was forced to the ground, struggling.

"Look at their faces...it's just too sweet." Azazel laughed. "Why don't we test it out, see if Ass-tiel really is the bitch." He undid his pants, taking out his cock as Uriel held a thrashing Castiel down. "Then it'll be all the sweeter to watch you take Dean."

Dean started to grab and claw at Dick and the floor, panicking even more as he tried to get away and help Castiel. "Get off him you son of a bitch!" he screamed, then made a choked noise as Dick grabbed and squeezed his throat.

"Ssh. Easy now, Winchester. You'll get your turn, no need to be jealous," Dick said in a mockingly sweet tone, easing the grip to let Dean breathe, but holding tight enough to keep him in place.

Castiel let out a blood-curdling scream of pain as Azazel shoved into him, his entire body tensing up before it went lax, the pain incredible and almost making him black out. He felt like he was being ripped in two, and the blood started to serve as lubication as Azazel pounded into him mercilessly, letting out a laugh. "Look at his face..." he chuckled, grunting as he worked.

Dean felt so cold, and he was shaking. He wanted to scream and tear into those bastards, but he couldn't even say anything. He only whimpered pathetically as he watched, feeling helpless.

Alistair smiled and got down on his knees between Dean's legs, and ran his hands over his ass, thighs and genitals. "Do you like it, Dean-o? Seeing someone properly fuck your little pet," he said when Dean started to writhe and kick.

Castiel continued to scream in pain as Azazel came into him, pulling away only to be quickly replaced by Uriel. Castiel's face was contorted in pain and utter agony.

"Thought you liked taking it up the ass," Uriel grunted. "Shouldn't you be squealing a little differently?"

Castiel's eyes met Dean, and there was so much pain and guilt in them.

Dean felt like crying, and he wanted to look away, but he just couldn't.

"Aw, Dean. You're starting to look a bit lonely... Let's put those cock sucker lips to use." Dick shifted, and pressed Dean's face into his crotch. "If you bite me, I'll just let your loverboy do it instead."

Dean made a choked noise, but didn't protest when Dick pulled out his cock and slapped his face with it before making him suck and lick at it.

Castiel passed out not much later. Uriel grunted as he came. "Alistair, let's let this little faggot wake up before you take Dean, so we can hear him scream some more.”

Alistair snorted in disappointment and slapped Dean's ass. "Your pet has bad stamina, Dean. Shame on you for not teaching him better. At least I’ll get to break you in since your pathetic boyfriend hasn’t yet..."

Dean choked slightly on Dick's cock, not even trying to fight it anymore.

Meanwhile, Sam had gotten the coordinates and immediately called the police. Castiel was in trouble, there was no doubt about that. Rufus and his squad cars pulled up to the building they were using, and got out immediately.

The police moved quickly and surrounded the building to block all exists, before kicking the door in and shouting at the gang to freeze.

Azazel immediately fled, leaving Castiel passed out on the floor. Uriel froze.

Two police men went straight after Azazel to try and catch him. The others filed into the room, pointing guns to threaten the guys into remaining still. Alistair didn't move from where he was, while Dick immediately let go of Dean and scrambled backwards.

Rufus yanked Alistair away, cuffing him, while another officer went to check on Castiel. "This one's been raped pretty badly, sir." he reported, calling for an ambulance.

A few other officers grabbed Uriel and Dick, cuffing them both and heading out to get them in the cars.

Dean was silent when he was helped up to his feet and given a blanket to cover himself up.

"Did they hurt you?" the officer asked, while Castiel was being tended to. Blood was covering his thighs.

Dean was looking over at Castiel, looking as if he hadn't even heard the question. Then, after a moment, he shook his head slightly. He heard on the officer’s radio, that one of the police men that chased Azazel reported that they'd caught him, and they were making their way back.

Castiel came to a few moments later, and he screamed roughly until he realized that he was being helped. "Dean..." he sobbed out.

Dean didn't respond, though he gripped the blanket tighter around himself. He was torn between wanting to rush over to Castiel, and wanting to run off and vomit. He wouldn't be allowed near Castiel though, and his feet were like glued to the floor.

"It's okay, you’re going to be okay,” the officer helping Castiel said.

"Dean..." Castiel sobbed. "I'm sorry..."

Dean looked back at Castiel over his shoulder while he was being escorted outside, and one officer started to search the place.

The ambulance soon arrived, and they moved quickly to get Castiel. Castiel was growing more distressed as Dean didn't acknowledge him, and he grew afraid that now that he had been taken by someone else, that Dean was disgusted with him.

Two officers tried to talk to Dean, but he just wouldn't say anything. He just nodded and shook his head.

"Sir, you're going to be all right. The doctor's going to fix you," a woman told Castiel, trying to calm him while they moved him into the vehicle.

"Dean!" he called out, distraught.

Dean turned his head in the direction of Castiel's call. He opened his mouth to call back, but no sound would come out.

"Sir. Is Dean your friend?" the woman asked.

"Fiance..." he replied. "Dean..."

"Would you feel better if he came along?"

Castiel nodded vigorously. "P...please..."

She nodded again, and sent her coworker to fetch Dean.

Seeing as Dean wouldn't talk, the officers were willing to let him go. Dean followed and quietly entered the ambulance, that started driving towards the hospital a moment later.

Castiel reached for Dean's hand, worry and pain on his face. "Did they touch you?" he asked softly.

Dean had his head lowered and just stared at their hands for a moment, before lifting his head just slightly to point at his lips. Castiel squeezed Dean's hand gently, trying to comfort Dean despite the intense pain he was in. Dean really couldn't care less about what Dick had done to him. Not when Castiel had been through that torture that had been meant for him. It broke his heart, seeing his fiancé in such pain.

Castiel was a lot calmer now that Dean was with him, but he was still in intense pain. He tried to shakily hum "Hey Jude." Dean leaned closer, and pressed a gentle finger to Castiel's lips, as if to silence him. Then he carefully ran his hand down Castiel's forehead to his nose, to make him close his eyes. Lastly, he started to gently pet the thick, dark hair, in an attempt to comfort his fiancé instead of the other way around.

Castiel shook slightly, but calmed under the gentle touches. "This is my fault..." he whispered. "All my fault... I'm so sorry..."

Dean pressed a finger against Castiel's lips again. He disagreed with what the other said.

Castiel looked so worried. "Why won't you say anything?" he asked, concerned.

Dean pointed at his throat, then shrugged slightly. He'd been the same when his mother died, and he wanted to tell Castiel that - but he just couldn't.

Castiel nodded softly, squeezing Dean's hand softly. "I'm alive." he murmured. "It'll be okay."

Dean didn't believe that, but he didn't want to upset Castiel, so he nodded slightly as he laced their fingers together. Castiel squeezed Dean's hand, and only let go when they had to be pulled apart at the hospital.

Dean watched as Castiel was taken away to be checked and repaired by some stranger's hands. He was then pulled aside, and given some clothes and a quick, basic check up. When they were done, he was left to wait, for Bobby or someone to show up and for a doctor to tell him that Castiel would be fine.  
Bobby showed up an hour later with Sam.

Sam embraced Dean tightly. "Are you okay? Cas?" he asked, looking at Dean concerned. "I got the coordinates..."

Dean clung to his brother tightly, fisting the back of his shirt and shaking his head.

Sam held Dean close. "...what happened? Cas...he isn't..."

Dean shook his head and sighed. He knew Sam was probably worried that Castiel was dead. He didn't know if this was better than being dead, though.

Sam held him tightly. "What happened?" he asked again.

"Something big, He hasn't been like since since Mary..."

Sam just held Dean tightly. "It'll be okay..."

Dean silently thanked Bobby for the input, but he wasn't so sure that it was going to be okay.

A long while later, a doctor finally came by. "Dean Winchester?" he called out. Dean was hesitant, but did get up and went over to the doctor, not really caring if Bobby or Sam followed.

"Castiel Novak suffered some tears in the anal passage, and we had to go in to fix them." the doctor told Dean. "He'll heal, but he's on some pretty strong painkillers. He won't be able to walk for a few days. Mentally...we don't know. He keeps asking for you, and if you're doing all right."

Dean nodded slowly, and opened up to speak, but again there was no sound. He tried to use gestures to say that he couldn't talk, but that he was okay.

"Would you like to see him?"

Dean nodded. He turned to look and wave quickly at Bobby and Sam, then followed the doctor to the room that Castiel was in.

Castiel was on his stomach, asleep. Dean was as quiet as he could be when he brought a chair close to the bed, and sat down to wait.

Castiel woke a few hours later. "Dean...?" he mumbled drowsily.

Dean nodded slowly and gave a small wave. Castiel shifted so his head was facing Dean. He reached out a hand in offering to the other. Dean gently took Castiel's hand in his own. He raised a brow, as if asking how Castiel was feeling.

"I don't feel anything below my waist, but the doctors said that would wear off." Castiel murmured, lacing their fingers together. "How about you?"

Dean nodded in understanding. He then pointed at his throat and shook his head, then gestured to the rest of him and gave a 'thumbs up'.

"Did they hurt you?" Castiel asked, trying to understand why Dean wasn't able to speak.

Dean went still. Then he slowly shook his head, and gestured towards Castiel's lower half.

Castiel was still confused. "Can you write it down?" he asked softly, his hand playing with the engagement band on Dean's hand, that he was so, so thankful they hadn't taken.

Dean looked around and saw a pen on the nightstand. There were some tissues there, too. He let go of Castiel's hand to scoot closer to the nightstand, and started writing on a tissue. "Mom died - couldn't talk. Doc said coping mechanism. And they didn’t hurt me." He knew that his writing was more crappy than usual, but he was tired and couldn't care less as long as Castiel understood what he was trying to say.

Castiel nodded when he read what Dean had written, and he took Dean's hand again, squeezing it gently. "I'm sorry..." he murmured. "I never meant for this to happen."

Dean shook his head, and rubbed the back of Castiel's hand with his thumb. He knew that Castiel didn't mean for it to happen - he was a victim, after all.

Castiel sighed and closed his eyes. "Is there anything I can do to help you?" he asked. Even after being raped, he still could only think of Dean, and he was actually grateful that they had taken him first. He, at least, was more used to having something up there than Dean, who hadn't bottomed, had. The damage to Dean would have been much more severe.

Dean looked at Castiel as if he'd grown a third head, then narrowed his eyes and shook his head again. He wished that Castiel would think more of himself for once. Castiel was hurt very badly, while Dean only had faint marks on his throat from Dick's fingers.

Castiel just kept his eyes on Dean, squeezing his hand gently. "I love you," he murmured, eyes closing as a new round of morphine set in.

Dean squeezed Castiel's hand gently in return, and nodded slowly. He quietly watched Castiel, and felt that he never wanted his fiancé to be out of his sight ever again.

Bobby came in half an hour later. "All of those jackasses are going to jail," he told Dean, looking at him. "They won't be getting out, all the charges against them. You'll be safe, both of you."

Dean turned his head to look at Bobby, and gave him a quick nod before turning back to Castiel. It was good news, but the damage was already done. Them going to jail wouldn’t make up for what they had done.

Bobby looked at Castiel, who was asleep. "He'll be okay. He's lived through worse, I'm sure." he murmured. "Besides, you're still here. That boy would go to hell and back for you, no matter what the cost."

Dean turned his head back to Bobby, and stared at him as if he was crazy. Even if he was there for Castiel, he was practically a mute - and Castiel hadn't just been beaten up, he'd been violated. He shuddered at the memory of Castiel's screams, and had to look away. This was something he wasn’t sure if Castiel would ever recover from. He didn’t expect anyone to understand that.


	48. Mute

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILERS**
> 
> Castiel spends a while in the hospital recovering from the damage done, while Dean copes by losing his voice completely. He uses a notebook to "speak", and the strain of being apart is wearing on them both. When they spend a night together in the hospital, they enjoy the intimacy that Castiel started. Castiel is eventually released, and everyone is happy to have him home and well. However, it's clear that Castiel hasn't fully mentally recovered, and he has a bad nightmare that night.
> 
>  **TRIGGER WARNINGS**  
>  Aftermath of a rape, mutism because of stress, PTSD symptoms, anxiety/panic attacks, nightmares

A few days passed, and Castiel was recovering well...physically, at least. He woke up screaming every single night, desperate for Dean's arms, which he found comfort in. They kept him on suicide watch just in case because of his history, and it was unnerving having a security guard posted 24/7 at his door. Dean, Bobby, Sam, and Jess were searched for sharp objects before they were allowed to visit, but Castiel wasn't about to attempt suicide. He couldn't do that to Dean, and just wished he could do something to help the other. He missed hearing Dean's voice, as much as he understood that it was a coping mechanism.

Dean barely slept at all, and he was always carrying around a notebook and a pen to help make communication a bit easier. He hated seeing Castiel stuck in a bed, and he hated going home to Bobby's and not seeing Castiel there. He'd lost all enthusiasm for his birthday that was around the corner - and it was the first birthday in years that he’d actually somewhat looked forward to -, and just wanted Castiel to come home. Everyone did, though they also understood that he needed the care. Dean didn't know what to do but to sit around and wait, while trying to keep Castiel company as much as he could. He felt so helpless.

Castiel was in bed, drawing in his sketchbook when Dean arrived the day before he was scheduled to be released. He drew a lot to help pass the nights, and his drawings had grown steadily darker in nature. He looked up when Dean entered the room, and offered him a soft smile. "Hello, Dean." he murmured, waiting until Dean got closer to lean up and give him a kiss.

Dean didn't like Castiel's art. Not because it wasn't good, but he felt sick with worry because it wasn't what it was before. He kissed back softly, before taking his usual seat beside the bed. He flipped his notebook open to a page that said "How are you?".

Castiel shrugged. "Better. I can use the bathroom without pain." he offered Dean a smile. He was quiet for a moment before he murmured. "They upped my Zoloft dosage again."

Dean almost smiled, but the small, happy feeling faded quickly. He looked down at his notebook, and played with the corner of the current page. Everyone said Castiel would be fine, but he didn't feel very optimistic.

"Sorry" he wrote down on a new page.

Castiel's lips twitched into a faint smile. "It's not your fault," he murmured. "I just...I'm not coping well." he admitted. "And it doesn't help having to sleep alone...I've always slept better with you there. I'm sure it'll improve once I'm home."

Dean wasn't very sure if Castiel could handle sharing a bed, even if it was only to sleep. It didn't matter though, he would happily sleep on the floor or on the couch, or not at all. "I hope so" he wrote.

Castiel gave him a soft smile. "How about you? How are you doing?" he asked.

Dean shrugged slightly. "Tired. No sleep. School is shit."

Castiel frowned slightly, reaching a hand to caress Dean's cheek against his palm. "Is there anything I can do to help?" he asked softly. "You can even climb into bed with me if that'll help you sleep, at least for a little."

Dean swallowed, and closed his eyes. He didn't want Castiel to worry, and he definitely didn't want to bother him like that. He shook his head slightly.

Castiel shifted, setting his sketchbook and pencils down on the side table. "Cmere, it'll help me sleep too." he tried to coax the other closer. He wasn't in a lot of pain anymore, only slight twinges if he tried walking for too long. He could even sleep on his back now.

Dean looked at him sceptically, not quite sure that it would be a good idea. Though, if Castiel wanted to try it... Carefully, he put his pen and notebook down and came closer to Castiel. Castiel helped Dean settle down in the bed with him, curling up in his arms and feeling so much safer, his head clearing as he buried his face into Dean's chest, visibly relaxing.

Dean felt a bit awkward, not really knowing what to do. He carefully held his arms around Castiel, deciding to not do anything else unless Castiel said or showed that he wanted it.

Castiel shifted slightly. "Just...cuddle with me like you would any other day. Please, I...I need something normal." he asked quietly.

Dean wanted to, he really did, but he suddenly felt so much bigger than Castiel. He felt like a pervert, even if he'd done nothing. He tightened his hold slightly, and did his best to act normal - as if nothing had happened.

Castiel let out a soft sigh into Dean's chest, cuddling close and wrapping his arms around Dean's waist. Dean closed his eyes and tried to relax as much as he could. Castiel slowly started to press gentle, soothing kisses to Dean's throat and collar.

Dean was torn between being worried about the intimacy, and loving it because he's missed it. He sighed quietly, and relaxed a bit. Castiel continued pressing kisses where he could reach, feeling Dean relax against him as he continued. He pressed kisses along Dean's throat, jaw, and to the corner of his lips before pressing their lips together in an almost barely-there touch.

Dean didn't even notice that he'd started to trace invisible patterns on Castiel's back with his fingers. He opened his eyes to look at his fiancé.

Castiel looked back at him, his eyes trusting, and for the first time since the rape, not filled with fear, apathy, or worry. He just looked at Dean for a long time, whispering "I love you," over and over against the other's lips.

Dean swallowed thickly, not really sure how to react. He continued to stare into Castiel's blue eyes, wondering if it was possible to bring that light back completely, or if it would be ripped out again.

Castiel closed his eyes as he kissed Dean soft and slow on the lips, his body relaxed and limp, seeming to feed off of their intimacy. When he opened them again as they pulled back to breathe, the light was stronger, brighter. Dean made a soft noise in the back of his throat, and gently touched Castiel's cheek with his fingers. He wanted to say 'I love you', but nothing came out when he tried. Castiel leaned into the touch, letting out a soft breath. His eyes slid closed as he started to doze, tired for the first time in a long time. He fell asleep not much longer later, his arms holding Dean close.

Dean eventually drifted off into a light sleep himself, feeling genuinely relaxed for the first time since the night before Castiel had been violated. Castiel woke hours later, feeling refreshed. He didn't move a muscle when he noticed that Dean was still asleep, knowing that the other needed it.

Dean slept for about another hour before he woke up. He felt almost as if someone had used his head as a soccer ball. He definitely needed more sleep, but knew that he couldn't, so he forced his eyes open.

Castiel greeted him with a soft kiss to his cheek. "Feel any better?" he asked softly.

Dean tapped a finger on his own forehead, and made a pained grimace. Castiel nodded, moving a hand to start rubbing gently at the tense muscles in Dean's neck. Dean let out a soft sigh and closed his eyes again. He loved it when Castiel help to relax his muscles, be it a real massage or just a bit of rubbing.

Castiel kissed him again as he kept massaging at Dean's neck and shoulders with his hand.Dean grunted quietly as Castiel pressed against a really tense spot, then made a happy noise as the tension started to ease up.

Castiel focused on that spot. "Feeling any better?" he asked quietly after a while. Dean nodded slightly as he opened his eyes to look at Castiel. His head did feel a lot better.

Castiel smiled, kissing Dean again. "Good," he murmured, still rubbing slightly.

Dean kissed back gently, and for a moment he forgot about everything bad. Castiel forgot as well, everything revolving around his fiance, his lips and his smell and everything about him. When their kiss broke, Castiel started murmuring reminders of everything they had to look forwards towards, just as much to remind himself as they did remind Dean. California, their marriage, watching Sam grow up and get married himself, possibly children of their own and Sam's children to meet.

Dean made small sounds of approval, while gently petting Castiel's thick, dark hair. It was at this point of time that he really looked forward to moving and starting a new life. To get away from their past that would weigh them down incredibly if they stayed for longer than necessary.

Castiel nuzzled into Dean's neck, relaxing under the touches. A nurse had come by when they were sleeping, but seeing the relaxed look on both of their faces told her that they were helping each other more than anything.

"And we'll have the apartment at the beginning of June, right after we graduate, we can move within the week. Does that sound good?" he asked softly, fingers tracing out an anti-possession symbol along Dean's back.

Dean made a small noise and nodded slightly. It was a good thing that they had a lot of time before the move. They could plan out when, how and where to buy any furniture or other items that they needed in their apartment and avoid getting swamped with the lack of things when they actually moved in.

Castiel let out a soft sigh, nuzzling into Dean's chest. "I love you," he whispered. "I love you more than anything. And I'll do anything to make you happy or keep you safe."

Dean frowned, immediately thinking of how he couldn't keep Castiel safe. He pressed a soft kiss to the top of Castiel's head, and tried to will the thoughts away.

Castiel was released the next day. He was told to try to stay off of his feet, and that his visits with his therapist would now occur every other day until he managed to start handling things better. The morning before he was released, he was drawing Dean's face from memory when the other came in.

Dean knocked on the door frame before he stepped inside, and gave Castiel a small wave. He wasn't smiling, but he did wiggle his eyebrows in a funny way when he held up a paper bag.

Castiel tilted his head. "What's that?" he asked, closing his sketchbook.

Dean handed Castiel the bag. It contained a small, stuffed bear holding a heart, a 'get well' card, and some sweets. It wasn't anything special, but Jess had insisted that Dean give Castiel at least something to celebrate him being released from the hospital.

Castiel opened the bag, and gave Dean a genuine smile, leaning up to embrace the other. "Thank you," he murmured, kissing Dean's cheek.

Dean hummed quietly and returned the embrace. He pulled back slightly, and looked at Castiel in an expecting way. He really wanted to leave as soon as possible, though he wouldn't rush Castiel.

"Once the doctor comes back and does one last check up, I'm free to go." Castiel smiled at the other. "He said it'd be about fifteen minutes."

Dean nodded, and kissed Castiel's cheek. He was quite anxious, hoping that Castiel would feel good when he got back home.

The doctor came not much later, checking Castiel once more before reminding him of his limitations, and releasing him into Dean's care. Castiel smiled happily, taking Dean's hand as they slowly made their way into the parking lot.

Dean was patient, and let Castiel decide the pace. The last thing he wanted was to cause more pain. He helped Castiel into the car, before he got into the drivers seat. Castiel shifted to lean against Dean, rubbing his hand over the other's thigh. Dean sighed softly at the familiar weight. He started the car and put the radio volume on low, and started to drive. He made sure to take it easy, not wanting to go too fast over any speed bumps or when he had to turn.

Castiel was happy to be right back at Dean's side, where he belonged. He hummed along softly to one of the songs that came on. Dean was hesitant, but eventually he dared to put his arm around Castiel.

Castiel hummed happily when Dean did so. "You don't have to be so hesitant." Castiel murmured. "I want you to touch me." It helped him forget the touches of the others. Dean nodded slightly, and kept his eyes on the road. If Castiel said it was okay, then he guessed it was.

Castiel smiled brightly and sat up carefully as they pulled up to Bobby's house. Sam and Jess were on the porch, and Sam grinned, waving. Jess also waved. Castiel waved back, beyond happy to be home.Dean got out of the car first, and then went to the other side to help Castiel out. Castiel used him as a support while he was getting out.

"Hey Cas!" Sam smiled brightly. "It's good to have you home."

"It's good to be home," Castiel replied, a genuine smile on his face.

Dean smiled faintly, nodding in acknowledgement at Sam and Jess, while he helped Castiel inside. Castiel settled down on the couch, happy to be home. He was clearly much happier than he had been in the hospital, and the bags under his eyes slightly less dark, thanks to the hours he spent sleeping with Dean the previous day.

Dean could see it clear as day, and he couldn't help but sit down beside Castiel and bury his face in his pale neck. He'd missed having Castiel home.

Jess smiled at them as she looked into the living room. "You two want anything?"

Castiel happily curled against Dean, holding him close. "I'm more than content," Castiel murmured back, closing his eyes as he enjoyed being home with Dean, who had clearly missed him just as much.

"Okay. Call if you need anything," Jess said, and then left them alone for the time being.

Dean inhaled deeply, taking in Castiel's scent. He wished that Castiel would never have to experience something like that, again.

Castiel cuddled Dean close, pressing kisses where he could reach. "I love you," he whispered. "I love you so much."

Dean wrapped one arm around Castiel's middle, and nodded slightly, pressing his free hand over Castiel's heart.

Castiel placed one of his hands over Dean's, keeping it there. "It's yours." he murmured softly, feeling Castiel's heart beating under their hands. "I've been yours since we met, freshman year."

Dean hummed softly and closed his eyes. He sometimes couldn't believe how lucky he was to have someone like Castiel. Castiel pressed a gentle kiss to Dean's head, and started murmuring reminders of the happy moments they had shared. Castiel's birthday, the first time they kissed, the first time they made love, in all of its forms. Castiel's proposal on Christmas night, the flour fights when making pie.

Dean snuggled into Castiel's warmth, sighing happily and nodding to let Castiel know that he was listening to what was being said. Despite everything, they had had a lot of good moments. Castiel shifted so he was a little more comfortable, still speaking quietly about all the moments they shared. He stroked Dean's hair softly, praying that he would be able to hear Dean's voice again. It had been a week, and he hadn't heard Dean speak since that day.

Dean wasn't sure when he'd snap out of it and start talking again. He didn't remember what made him start talking again after his mom had died. It didn't bother him much, though. He was just happy that Castiel was back. Castiel kept speaking quietly until he started to doze off, comfortable at home and in Dean's arms, Dean's body pressed against him. He closed his eyes and drifted off, snoring softly. Dean smiled to himself as he heard Castiel snore. He shifted carefully and made himself more comfortable before settling down and letting himself fall into a light slumber.

Castiel didn't wake up until Sam shook his shoulder gently. "Hey, Cas, Jess and I made dinner." he murmured. "You need to eat." Sam then turned to wake Dean up.

Dean made a whining noise and hid his face in Castiel's neck, not wanting to move. Though, it was true that they needed to eat, so it didn't take long until he pulled away. Castiel pet Dean's hair gently before sitting up, his hair ruffled and looking better rested.

Sam smiled, and handed them each a plate of spaghetti and meat sauce. Dean gave Sam a small smile in return. Jess came in with two glasses of water for them.

"Thank you both," Castiel smiled at them. "For everything."

"Course, Cas. It's the least we could do." Sam replied. "You make food for us all the time, it's about time we returned the favor."

Jess smiled. "I think it's edible. Won't know until someone's turning green, though," she joked.

Castiel prayed before he took a bite. "It's delicious," he assured her, giving her a smile.

Jess grinned, and looked at Sam. "A job well done, then."

Sam smiled and kissed the top of her head. Jess giggled quietly and leaned against Sam.

Castiel glanced over at Dean, keeping an eye on him to make sure he ate. Dean was pushing the food around in between the small bites he took. He clearly wasn't enjoying it much, but he at least tried.

Castiel reached over to rub Dean's thigh gently. "Just a few more bites, please?" he asked quietly.

Dean huffed softly. He knew he was being obvious, but part of him had hoped Castiel wouldn't notice. He'd been too worried while Castiel was at the hospital to really sit down and eat properly, so he wasn't feeling too hot eating real food. He nodded slightly, and forced himself to take a few more bites.

Castiel nodded, giving him a reassuring smile. "Thank you," he murmured, giving Dean's thigh a gentle squeeze. Dean glanced at Castiel and gave him a nod, then continued to push the food around in lack of anything better to do.

Castiel ate half of his food before he had to stop, and set the plate down. "Shall we go to bed?" he suggested to Dean. Dean tensed up a bit, and looked at his fiancé with an unsure look. Sleeping in their own bed was much more intimate than a hospital bed.

Castiel's brow furrowed slightly, and he handed Dean his notebook. "What's wrong?" he asked.

Dean put his plate aside and took the notebook. "Are u sure? I can take the couch." He paused, then wrote again. "Bed might be too intmate?"

Castiel frowned slightly as he read what Dean was saying. "If...if you don't want to, then okay, but...I do want you there." he murmured. "I want to be intimate with you, and I haven't been able to sleep if I'm not in your arms...."

Dean looked at him, and really listened to what Castiel was saying. Then he nodded, closed his notebook and stood up, holding his hand out to Castiel. Castiel took Dean's hand and slowly got up, squeezing Dean's hand gently as they slowly made their way upstairs and into their room. Dean closed the door to their room, and put his notebook on the bedside table, then kind of just stood there. He wasn't sure if Castiel would want to change, or what he would be comfortable with.

Castiel stripped out of his shirt, but left his sweats and boxers on. "Please, Dean." he murmured. "I just want to try to go back to normal. It really helps."

Dean frowned, but nodded slowly. He changed out of his clothes and put on a pair of sweats and an old t-shirt, before getting into bed.

Castiel curled up next to Dean, wrapping his arms around the other. "I'm home," he murmured. "I'm home, and safe, and healing. But I can't do it alone, okay?" he murmured softly. "I need you..."

Dean nodded slightly and wrapped his arms around Castiel in return, holding him close. Castiel relaxed into Dean's arms, comfortable in their bed, in their home. He started to softly sing "Hey Jude". Dean made a noise as he rested his head on top of Castiel's. He almost wanted to shush Castiel, tell him that he didn't need comforting, but he didn't do anything but listen.

The song was just as much for Castiel as it was for Dean, and he let out a soft sigh against Dean's chest, closing his eyes and drifting off to sleep. He shifted, whimpering a few hours later, tensing hard with a nightmare. Dean had been sleeping quite peacefully, but Castiel's worried sleep disturbed his. He let out a displeased grunt, knitted his brows together and tried to roll over onto his other side.

Castiel shook before bolting up with a shout, panting hard, his eyes panicked as they darted around. Dean was woken up by Castiel's shout, and in his panicked flailing he managed to roll off the bed, and fell to the floor with a thud.

Castiel jumped when he heard Dean hit the ground, shaking. "Dean!" he called out, voice panicked. Dean groaned as he sat up, rubbing at his shoulder. He blinked up at Castiel, feeling a bit faint after the fall.

Castiel was shaking, still scared from the nightmare, but his face was still concerned. "Are you okay?" he asked, worried. Dean nodded, and crawled back up on the bed with a huff. He decided to lay on his back, and looked at Castiel with a questioning look.

Castiel immediately curled up close, still trembling. He buried his face into Dean's neck. "Nightmare..." he murmured. "I...I don't want to talk about it..."

Dean frowned, and wrapped his arms around Castiel. He kissed the top of Castiel's head, and hoped that him just being there would be enough. Castiel slowly calmed down in Dean's arms, his trembling slowly calming down as he was held. He let out a soft gasp, his grip on Dean's shirt slowly loosening. Dean gently rubbed his hand over the skin between Castiel's shoulder blades, but otherwise he just held him.

Castiel's breathing soon evened out. "Thank you." he murmured. "I love you so much..."

Dean kissed the top of Castiel's head again, and held him slightly tighter.

It took Castiel a while to fall back asleep, but when he did, it was dreamless. Dean just couldn't fall back asleep after that, and he stayed awake, holding Castiel in his arms and watching over him.

Castiel woke the next morning, stirring softly in Dean's arms as he buried his face into the other's chest, groaning softly.

Dean was very tired when Castiel woke up. He'd managed to fall into a half asleep state for a little while earlier in the morning, but he hadn't really slept after Castiel had his nightmare. He shifted carefully when the other woke up, and he started to gently pet the dark, messy hair.

Castiel hummed softly at the attention, pressing a kiss to the other's chest. "Good morning," he murmured. Dean kissed the top of Castiel's head and hummed softly in response.

Castiel cuddled close. "Sorry about last night..." he murmured.

Dean shook his head slightly, before burying his nose in Castiel's hair, hugging him tightly. Castiel hugged him as well.


	49. Dean's Birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILERS**
> 
> Dean's birthday rolls around, and he's still not speaking. Castiel accommodates this, making sure Dean always has notebooks and he does his best to make his fiance feel comfortable. Dean doesn't really want to do much to celebrate apart from relax at home and eat Castiel's cooking. Later, when the couple shares a shower, Castiel finally lets himself break down, and Dean begins to speak again.
> 
>  **TRIGGER WARNINGS**  
>  Mutism caused by PTSD, anxiety and stress caused breakdown, mentions of self harm scars.

Another week passed by, and things were sort of going back to normal. Dean was at least becoming more relaxed, and he wasn't afraid of accidentally hurting or scaring Castiel anymore. He had perked up a bit now that he had Castiel around, he slept at least a few hours each night and he ate a bit better. Though, he still wasn't speaking, and he was very careful with not letting people near his notebooks.

He woke up in the morning on his birthday, and wasn't sure what he was expecting of the day. There had been no talk about visitors or activities or anything - and if he was honest, he'd rather just lay in bed all day. He didn't feel like celebrating.

Castiel had gotten up early to make pancakes with fruit topping, one of Dean's favorites. He made his way upstairs to check on the other, although he wouldn't wake him if he was still asleep. He was able to walk now, and although he was still awoken by a nightmare more often than not, he was starting to get a little better. He couldn't stand to let anyone touch him who wasn't Dean, Sam, or Jess, and he hated going outside; they had never recovered his trench coat. He smiled when he saw the other was awake. "Happy Birthday, Dean." he smiled. His fiancé was nineteen now.

Dean lifted his head from the pillow to look at Castiel, and smiled slightly in return. Since Castiel was up, he guessed he should get up himself, if only for Castiel's sake. He sat up in bed and stretched lightly, before getting to his feet.

Castiel gave him a smile. "I made pancakes with fresh strawberry and blueberry topping." he told the other, walking over and kissing him softly

Dean kissed back and wrapped his arms around Castiel in a gentle hug. He hummed softly.

Castiel tucked his head against Dean's chest, holding him close. He desperately wanted to hear Dean's voice again, but he knew that pushing wouldn't help anything. "We'll do whatever you want to do today, okay?" he murmured. "And I'll make whatever you want for dinner."

Dean shrugged slightly and rested his chin on the top of Castiel's head. He didn't really want anything, but he could probably come up with something they could do or what to eat if he really tried.

"I also got you something," Castiel murmured. "Do you want to open it now or later?"

Dean blinked, and lifted his head to glance down at Castiel. He didn't think anyone got him anything. He gently tapped Castiel's shoulder once.

"Now?" Castiel confirmed.

Dean hummed softly to confirm that yes, he wanted to open it now.

Castiel smiled, and pulled away to retrieve the present. It wasn't much; it was a model of a 1967 Impala, the same as Baby. But he hoped that Dean would like it. Dean didn't really know what he expected when he got the present, but never had he expected to get a model of the same kind of car that he owned. His eyes were big as he finished opening the present, and carefully took it out of the box.

Castiel shifted nervously. "Do you like it?" he asked, voice soft.

Dean made a soft noise of approval and nodded, while slowly turning the model in his hands, examining it.

Castiel smiled happily. "I'm glad." he murmured, pressing a kiss to Dean's forehead.

Dean was still for a moment, before he carefully put the model aside on a safe place. Then he pulled Castiel into a tight hug, and buried his face in his fiancé's neck.

Castiel smiled, hugging Dean back just as tightly. "Happy Birthday." he whispered, kissing Dean's temple. "I love you so much."

Dean pulled back to give Castiel a sweet kiss on the lips. Castiel was so wonderful that he almost couldn't believe it. He was so lucky to have him. Castiel kissed him back happily, closing his eyes as they kissed. He wanted so hard to make Dean happy, and the other's clear elation with the present made him happy.

Dean continued to just kiss Castiel in a slow and sweet way, and only broke it when they needed to breathe. He pressed their foreheads together with a happy sigh.

Castiel smiled happily, his hand coming up to tenderly cup against Dean's cheek. "I love you," he murmured softly.

Dean looked Castiel straight in the eyes as he hummed softly, and smiled warmly.

Castiel kissed him again, soft and slow, nipping and sucking gently at Dean's lower lip. Dean closed his eyes and exhaled slowly, liking the attention. When the kiss broke, Castiel moved to Dean's neck, gently kissing and nipping at the skin before taking his time sucking a mark to one of Dean's favorite spots.

Dean happily bared his neck to Castiel, and couldn't help but moan softly, pressing his body just a little closer to Castiel's.

Castiel pressed close, shivering slightly as he kissed the other. "Whatever you want from me, I'll give you." he murmured softly.

Dean tensed up a bit. Before all of this, he wouldn't think twice of Castiel's offer, but the wording set him off slightly. He didn't want Castiel to give him anything just because he wanted it. He needed to hear that Castiel wanted it too. He tightened his arms around his fiancé.

Castiel felt Dean tense up. "What's wrong?" he asked softly, nodding towards Dean's notebook.

Dean shook his head quickly and held on. He didn't want to let go - he just wanted to hold Castiel for a bit longer.

Castiel held Dean close, cherishing every moment their bodies were pressed together. He pressed sweet, soft kisses where he could reach.

Dean sighed softly, and slowly relaxed under Castiel's affection. He pressed a soft kiss to Castiel's cheek when he felt slightly better.

Castiel kissed him gently in return. "I love you," he whispered. "And we should get downstairs, the pancakes are getting cold..."

Dean nodded slightly in agreement, and gave Castiel another kiss before pulling away and gently holding his hand, and let Castiel lead the way.

Castiel laced their fingers together as they went downstairs. He had already plated their breakfast, and Sam was waiting downstairs with a smile. "Happy Birthday!" he greeted, giving Dean a large smile.

Dean smiled to his brother, and gave him a gentle pat on the shoulder when he got close enough to do so, while mouthing 'thank you'.

Sam grinned. "Cmon, I've been dying since Cas started cooking, but he insisted we wait for you."

Castiel chuckled. "It's Dean's birthday, of course we're waiting for him."

Dean huffed and stuck his tongue out at Sam. He gave Castiel a gentle kiss, before he took a seat. Sam made a gagging noise, but he knew the others knew it was all in fun. Castiel prayed softly, and waited for Dean to take the first bite before he began to eat. It took a few moments before Dean understood that Castiel wanted him to start, and then he took a small bite of his breakfast. It tasted really good, and even if he wasn't very hungry, he let out a happy sigh. Castiel smiled happily when Dean started to eat, and began to do so himself.

Sam chuckled. "This is really, really good Cas. Seriously, you should consider starting a restaurant."

Castiel's cheeks flushed. "I'm not that good..."

Dean cursed himself as he realized that he forgot his notebook, so he just watched them quietly. He did agree with what Sam said, and he'd have to tell Castiel later. Castiel shook his head, still blushing.

"Well, if the artist thing doesn't work out, you'll definitely have a future as a cook." Sam chuckled.

Dean huffed softly at Castiel shaking his head, and nudged him with his foot. Then he pointed at Sam and nodded, trying to say that he agreed.

Castiel's cheeks darkened as he realized that Dean was agreeing. "You have too much faith in me..." he muttered, although there was a pleased smile playing on his lips.

Dean raised a brow. Of course they had faith in him, but they weren't making his cooking skills sound better than they were. Castiel's cooking was extremely good. And he really wished he had his pen and paper.

Castiel noticed how irritated Dean looked, and realized that he didn't have his notebook. He got up then, and fetched a few sticky notes and a pencil for Dean. Dean perked up a bit, and happily took the items from Castiel's hands. "We're just honest" he wrote down quickly.

Castiel snorted softly, although he smiled softly. "I'm definitely glad you two don't hate my cooking."

Dean raised a brow at that. No one that had had a taste of Castiel's cooking, had said anything bad about it. "Everyone loves it" he wrote.

Castiel flushed again, and he finished his breakfast. "Well, what would you like to do today, Dean?" he asked.

Dean ate while he thought about it, finishing almost all of it before he felt too full and had to stop, then scribbled "Don't know".

Castiel smiled proudly when Dean finished almost everything on his plate; it had been a while since that had last happened. "Well, think about it while I clean up, okay?" he murmured.

Dean sighed softly and nodded slowly, and leaned back in his seat, hands resting on his thighs. Castiel picked up their dishes and washed them, cleaning the kitchen from the utensils he had used and the mess he had made. Dean quietly watched Castiel work, and drummed his fingers on his thighs as he thought about what he'd like to do.

When Castiel finished, he walked back to Dean and kissed him softly. "Any idea?"

Dean nodded and showed the sticky note that he'd just finished writing. "Soap opras. Cuddles."

Castiel chuckled. "Sounds perfect to me, I'll meet you on the couch." he murmured, kissing Dean again before going to get the comfortable blankets from the laundry room.

Dean nodded again. He went to quickly fetch his notebook and pen, before making himself comfortable on the couch. Castiel joined him, pulling the two fleece blankets over them as he settled down against Dean, cuddling close. Dean turned the tv on and found the channel that usually aired reruns of really old shows, then sighed happily as he leaned back and pressed close to Castiel. Castiel settled down into Dean's arms, Dean's notebook in his lap. He absentmindedly picked up the pen and started to doodle on the cover.

Dean was so confused when he looked down, but relaxed as he noticed that Castiel was just doodling. He kissed the messy hair, before returning his attention to the tv.

Castiel smiled, continuing to doodle an intricate cross on the cover while they relaxed and cuddled.

Dean continued to watch the tv for a while, but he couldn't keep his curiosity at bay for too long. He carefully moved to look down, trying not interrupt Castiel's doodling. Itwas interesting to watch Castiel work.

Castiel was only half paying attention to his hand and half paying attention to the television. He flushed when he realized Dean was watching him. "I've done better..." he murmured, as they looked at the Celtic Cross he had drawn.

Dean just made a soft noise and poked at his hand, urging him to continue. He thought it was perfect. To him, Castiel was the best artist ever. Castiel chuckled, tilting his head back to kiss Dean's jaw before he continued to work on it, shifting slightly into a better position in Dean's arms. Dean didn't make a sound as Castiel adjusted his position, and continued to watch his work.

When Castiel finished the cross, he signed it and handed it back to Dean so he could get a better look. Dean hummed in an almost satisfied way as he picked up the notebook to get a look. He put it back in his lap and took the pen, and wrote "awesome" in tiny letters on an empty space by the drawing.

Castiel smiled happily. "I'm glad you like it."

Dean kissed the top of Castiel's head, and nodded slightly.

Castiel settled back against Dean, cuddling close, loving the heat from the other's body. He nuzzled into Dean's chest, pressing kisses through the other's shirt. Dean sighed softly at the kisses, and gently ran his fingers through Castiel's hair. He loved the feeling of the kisses. Castiel shifted, kissing at Dean's neck, jaw, and the corner of his lips, before hovering a mere centimeter away, inviting Dean to close the gap between their lips. Dean just looked Castiel in the eye for a moment, then closed his eyes as he pressed their lips together in a gentle kiss.

Castiel ran his fingers through Dean's hair, kissing him softly before parting his lips, inviting Dean into a deeper, more intimate kiss for the first time in weeks. Dean sighed softly, feeling relaxed and whole. He had missed those intimate moments with Castiel, but it wasn't anything he dared to initiate. He let Castiel take the lead. Castiel coaxed Dean's tongue into his mouth, letting the other explore. It was taking him a while to really get intimate again with Dean, but he had to ease his way back into it.

Dean was slow and gentle, and didn't do anything that Castiel didn't want. His worst nightmare was to force Castiel into anything, and he'd promised himself that he'd do anything to make Castiel feel safe and comfortable again. Castiel relaxed into the kiss, happy. He had really missed being with Dean like this, kissing him like this. Slowly, their tongues sliding against each other, Castiel slipped his tongue into Dean's mouth, exploring every ridge and bump. Dean moaned quietly, and lifted a hand to caress Castiel's cheek. He didn't really know how far this would go, or what limits Castiel had, but he couldn't help but to carefully rest his other hand on Castiel's waist.

Castiel shivered slightly, and just continued to kiss Dean, one hand supporting himself against Dean's chest, the other running through the other's hair. Dean moved his hand slightly further up, making sure to let Castiel know he would keep his hands to himself. He kept the kiss going until they needed to breathe.

Castiel hesitated for a second before he lowered Dean's hand back down to his hips. Dean blinked in surprise, and looked at Castiel. He didn't do anything but let his hand rest on his fiance's hip. Castiel looked at Dean with a trusting look on his face, pressing a kiss to the tip of Dean's nose.

Dean couldn't help but smile, and mouthed 'I love you' before he kissed Castiel chastely on the lips.

Castiel shivered, and he smiled happily, kissing Dean back before he leaned in to press another kiss to Dean's lips, parting his lips once more. Dean deepened the kiss carefully, not wanting to be forceful in any way. He didn't want to scare Castiel, and he did want to make the moment last now that he finally got to be this close to him again. Castiel gladly let Dean deepen it, not scared as he was reminded who this was. This was Dean, the love of his life, his fiancé. He had given everything to this man, and would gladly again.

When he was convinced that Castiel was okay for the moment, Dean let himself relax and just kiss his fiancé, without over thinking every little detail.

Castiel broke the kiss to breathe, although he wasn't away long before they kissed again, over and over. Castiel was almost drunk on the kisses, not able to get enough. Dean almost wanted to pull Castiel onto his lap, to get him even closer, but he knew better. He settled with just continuing to kiss the other, loving it just as much as Castiel did.

Castiel finally had to pull away, breathing in short pants, his lips red and swollen from being kissed, nipped, and sucked on.

Dean swallowed thickly as he looked at his fiancé, while trying to catch his own breath. Castiel looked so desirable, and he felt his chest and stomach tighten with want. Though, nothing happened in his pants, and he felt very confused.

Castiel noticed Dean's confusion. "Is something wrong?" he asked softly.

Dean really didn't know how to answer that. He thought about it, but it sounded so complicated.

Castiel cupped Dean's cheek against his hand, brow furrowed in concern, his lips frowning, but in their swollen state, looking more like a pout.

Dean couldn't help the distressed noise that escaped him when he looked at Castiel again, and still didn't feel anything below the belt despite the rest of him basically screaming how good Castiel looked. It had never happened to him before.

Castiel's frown deepened, and he handed Dean his notebook. "What's wrong?" he asked.

Dean didn't know what to do as he stared at the notebook. Castiel might take it the wrong way, might get scared, and he didn't know if he had the guts to even write it down.

Castiel was growing more worried. "Dean, my mind is probably giving me a thousand worse reasons for your hesitance and discomfort than it probably actually is," he murmured. "Please...I want to help..."

Dean swallowed. He felt like he'd failed Castiel, again. He curled up a bit and lowered his head, as he opened the notebook to write with a slightly shaky hand, doing his best to explain in an objective and non-offensive way how he believe Castiel looked and how his body wasn't really reacting accordingly to those thoughts.

Castiel read along as Dean wrote, and he understood. When Dean finished writing, Castiel kissed him again. "It's all right." he murmured. "You're probably just nervous. You're afraid of hurting me, of pushing too much onto me, and your body wont react the way you're used to because you're afraid of scaring me."

Dean didn't look at Castiel, feeling too ashamed to do so. He nodded slowly after Castiel had spoken. It did make a lot of sense.

Castiel kissed Dean again. "I'm not offended." he murmured softly. "It's actually a little endearing, that you care so much about me."

Dean huffed softly, and probably would've grumbled something like 'of course I care' if he could.

Castiel kissed him once more. "I love you," he murmured softly, wrapping his arms around the other and hugging him close.

Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel in return, and held him tightly. He really didn't know what he would do if he didn't have Castiel, despite the hardships that their relationship came with.

Castiel already knew that he owed Dean his life, several times over. He would forever belong to the other man, in every way, shape and form, and despite the hardships (Castiel's mental illness being the key factor behind most of them), he was so grateful. "I'm glad you decided to join me at the bleachers, all those months ago.

Dean looked at Castiel, not really knowing how to respond to that. He was more happy that he'd even managed to get over himself and join Castiel at lunch, instead of skipping lunch or eating somewhere else. He made a soft noise, and buried his face in Castiel's neck.

Castiel tilted his head to make room for Dean, holding him close and running his fingers through the other's hair. "Happy birthday, love." he whispered softly.

Dean sighed quietly as he relaxed against Castiel, and for the first time since the incident, he spoke. "Thanks," he croaked out quietly, his voice sounding incredibly small and hoarse from not using it.

At the sound of Dean's voice, Castiel smiled brightly and held Dean closer, kissing his temple. "I'm so proud of you," he whispered, smiling. Dean closed his eyes and clung slightly on Castiel. He never really did understand why Castiel was proud of him, but took the words to heart anyway. Castiel kissed Dean again. He knew just how hard it could be to do the basic things sometimes. And sometimes, all he would have needed was someone to congratulate him for even getting out of bed on his worst days. So he tried so hard to be the support for Dean that he himself never had before.

Dean continued to just hold Castiel tightly, but after a while his hold loosened and he snuffled, feeling a bit tired after the roller coaster of feelings that had just happened. He pulled away slightly so that he could look at Castiel properly.

Castiel looked back at him, with his blue eyes that told so much with so little effort. Right now, they were filled with love, pride, and pure affection.

Dean would probably always be amazed with how much emotion Castiel's eyes held. He pressed their foreheads together, and he gently touched Castiel's cheek.

Castiel leaned into both touches, smiling happily. "I love you." he whispered. He would never be able to say it enough.

Dean hummed softly, and gently ran his fingers over Castiel's lips, then through his hair. He couldn't help but smile himself. Castiel gently kissed the pads of Dean's fingers as they ran over his lips.

Dean smiled a bit wider, and lowered his hand to Castiel's neck to tickle the skin below his jaw and ear. Castiel squeaked and squirmed, tilting his head to try to move Dean's fingers away. Dean grinned as he lifted his other hand to tickle the other side of Castiel's neck, his eyes sparkling with innocence playfulness.

Castiel laughed and squirmed, trying to get away from the tickling fingers. "Dean!" he laughed.

Dean continued to tickle Castiel for a bit longer before he stopped. He cupped Castiel's face in his hands with a big grin, and kissed him. Castiel smiled happily into the kiss, nipping playfully at Dean's lower lip before he started to tickle Dean's side in revenge. Dean actually squeaked in surprise, and laughed and squirmed as he tried to move backwards and away from his fiancé. Castiel laughed, extremely elated to hear Dean laugh. He continued to tickle, smiling widely. Dean had tears in the corner of his eyes, and was soon half off the couch from all the writhing.

Castiel stopped, laughing himself. He gave Dean an elated grin, so happy to hear Dean laughing, and the one word from earlier.

Dean breathed heavily, but couldn't stop smiling. He was feeling genuinely good for the first time in weeks, and it was all thanks to Castiel. Castiel grinned happily, extending a hand to help Dean back onto the couch. Dean accepted the help, and wiped at his eyes with his free hand after he sat up properly.

Castiel laughed, kissing Dean quickly. "Feeling a little better?"

Dean hummed and nodded, looking at Castiel with a happy, dopey smile on his face.

Castiel was so happy, and it was plain on his face. He couldn't help but kiss Dean again. "So, birthday boy, what would you like for dinner?" he asked.

Dean kissed back, before leaning his head back and chewing on his lips as he thought about it, then picked up his notebook. "Grilled cheese and tomato soup" he wrote.

Castiel nodded, smiling. "All right. Since it doesn't take too long, I'll start dinner in a few hours?" He had asked then, just in case Dean requested something that took more time to prepare.

Dean nodded, thinking that it sounded good. He knew that he wouldn't want anything else but that. It was a simple meal, but he really loved it when Castiel made it.

Castiel smiled. "Want to keep watching soap operas, or is there anything else you'd like to do?"

Dean chewed on his lip, as he thought about it. He shrugged slightly, and wrote down "shower/bath? then more tv?".

Castiel nodded. "A shower," he decided. He wasn't yet ready for the level of intimacy a bath required. He got up then, and offered Dean a hand.

Dean put his notebook down on the couch, and took Castiel's hand as he stood up. He laced their fingers together as they headed upstairs Castiel squeezed Dean's hand, letting go when they were in the bathroom to undress.

Dean was a bit surprised at how calm he felt, since it had been a while since they showered together. He didn't think much more of it as he undressed, then turned on the shower to let the water turn warm before they stepped in.

Castiel was a little nervous, moreso for the scars he now bore on his ass from where the doctors went in to repair. But he swallowed, and looked at Dean with trusting eyes.

Dean smiled to Castiel. He didn't really care about the scars themselves. What bothered him, was the reason behind them. He got into the shower first when the water was warm enough, then motioned for Castiel to join him.

Castiel stepped into the shower, letting out a soft sigh as the warm water hit his skin. He smiled up at Dean, lightly touching the stubbled cheek.

Dean hummed softly and closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them again, he started to run his hands through Castiel's hair.

Castiel shivered. "I love it when you do that..." he said quietly.

Dean nodded slightly, then kissed Castiel's forehead. Castiel smiled, before he grabbed the soap and washcloth, lathering it up and starting to wash Dean's body. Dean kept as still as he could, letting Castiel work. Though, he couldn't help but to continue to pet his hair.

Castiel smiled, although he hesitated when he reached Dean's groin. Normally, he would have no problem with washing there (and maybe tease a little too), but now, he hesitated, a few memories flashing back. Dean noticed Castiel's hesitation, and gave him a gentle kiss on the cheek, then gently took the washcloth from Castiel.

Castiel immediately relaxed, looking up at the other, a silent "Thank you," in his eyes.

Dean smiled weakly and finished washing himself. Then he started to wash Castiel, but didn't go below his waist.

Castiel took the washcloth back to finish cleaning himself. "I hate this..." he admitted quietly. "I hate not wanting to touch you...because I want it, I do, but..."

Dean looked at Castiel, and cradled his face in his hands before kissing him softly, being so careful that it was as if he was afraid that Castiel would break. Which he sort of was, if he was honest with himself.

Castiel shivered against the gentle touches, letting out a soft, almost not-there sob.

Dean swallowed, and caressed Castiel's cheeks and jaws, finding it hard to breathe. He knew it would probably be good for Castiel to cry, but it would still hurt. That first sob broke the barrier, and Castiel started to cry. He had been holding it together for Dean's sake for so long, that everything was finally coming out. He pressed himself against Dean, needing the comfort as he buried his face into the other's chest.

Dean couldn't say that he was surprised that Castiel finally broke down, but it didn't help any. His heart broke for Castiel, and he held his fiancé tightly against himself. "I got you..." he whispered, knowing that Castiel needed to hear that he was there for him.

Castiel's breath hitched at hearing Dean's voice, and he let out a choked laugh. "Thank you..." he whispered through his tears, shaking and trembling and clutching at Dean like he was afraid the other would disappear the moment he let go.

Dean just held Castiel for a long while in his arms, trying his best to comfort the other. Eventually he turned off the water, and helped Castiel out of the shower and wrapped him in the softest towel he could find, and pulled him close again.

Castiel pressed close, not wanting to be away from Dean, feeling horribly guilty that today, of all days, was when his self-control finally shattered. "I'm sorry..." he whimpered into Dean's neck. "I'm so sorry...."

"It's fine, it's fine," Dean murmured hoarsely, not caring about anything but Castiel. It felt odd, speaking again, but he had began and now he had no choice but continue. "I'll take care of you.... I'll keep you safe."

Castiel nodded, letting out a choked sob as he clung to Dean, not wanting to move at all, and wishing that this, his pain, wasn't what had triggered Dean to speak again.

Dean wished that he'd been able to keep Castiel safe from the start, so that they didn't have to be in this situation. He held Castiel close and rubbed gently at his back to keep him warm.

Castiel's sobs died down after a while, replaced with slow, hoarse breaths. He was still trembling, but he wasn't shaking nearly as hard as before. He didn't blame Dean for the events, he blamed himself. If he hadn't had left the house himself...then again, they would have still taken Dean, and he would go through that experience a hundred times over than to have Dean experience it once.

Dean would probably get angry at everyone and their mothers if he heard Castiel say that. He believed Castiel had been through enough before it even happened.  
He quickly grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his hips, and then he pulled Castiel with him to their room to put him in bed. If he got to decide, he wouldn't let Castiel leave the bed until at least tomorrow.

Castiel struggled weakly. "But...I have to make your grilled cheese and tomato soup," he protested, trying to sit up in bed. He wasn't about to let his miserable self control completely ruin Dean's birthday.

"Not any longer. We'll be getting some take out," Dean said firmly and went to fetch one of his hoodies, then handed it to Castiel. He himself found hoodies comforting, and hoped Castiel would do the same.

Castiel held the hoodie in his hands, trembling slightly again. It smelled like Dean, and he pulled it on, wrapping his arms around himself. He felt horribly guilty, and he bit his lip.

Dean didn't bother drying himself off before he got dressed in sweats and a worn t-shirt, and spoke softly. "If you feel like it, you can cook tomorrow... And I'll be right back, just gotta... Get some water and talk to Sam." He pointed at the door. Castiel swallowed and nodded, curling up on himself in the bed, burying his face into the oversized hoodie that smelled like Dean.

Dean lingered for a bit, before going downstairs. Sam was in the living room, having commandeered the tv, watching a documentary. Dean got his glass of water, then went to Sam. He had to take a deep breath before he could speak up.

"Hey, Sam..."

Sam jumped and spilled his drink at hearing Dean talk, although the look of relief on his face was quite plain. "Dean....dude, it's so nice to hear you talk...where's Cas?"

Dean huffed softly, wanting to go back and crawl under his bed and never speak again. "In the bedroom. Broke down. Sort of calm now. But he won't be cooking, so you're in charge of takeout."

Sam nodded. "How's he doing?" he asked softly.

"Not good at all. So I'm just gonna... Go back upstairs..." Dean sipped his water to keep himself from sighing. He felt hopeless.

Sam nodded. "Go. Take him his anxiety meds, that might help"

Dean grabbed Castiel's medicine on his way upstairs, and mentally prepared himself as much as he could to take care of Castiel. He gently knocked on the door before he went into their room, then moved over to sit by the edge of the bed.

Castiel was curled up in a ball, naked from the waist down and not really giving a shit. He felt miserable, and after everything that had happened, he blamed himself immensely. He felt like he had ruined Dean's birthday.

"Got some water and pills for you..." Dean said softly. The glass he filled earlier was still half full, not having bothered to get a new glass for Castiel. They shared the same germs on a regular basis anyway.

Castiel sat up, and he took the pills without protest. "I'm sorry..." he whispered. "This is the last thing you need..."

Dean shrugged. "It's fine. Just... Think of yourself for a change... You need to think of yourself right now."

Castiel stayed in a ball. "I don't know how," he admitted softly.

Dean bit back a reply he knew wouldn't be helpful. "You need to take care of yourself, focus on your own well being... Not mine. I'm fine. You're not."

Castiel slowly nodded, still curled up in a ball, closing his eyes. He still struggled with saying what he wanted, although he wanted nothing more than for Dean to be happy and enjoy himself. He knew that it wasn't helping, though, and he let out a shuddering breath. "Right....right now, I...I just...I want..." he swallowed hard. "I want to lay down with you...."

Dean looked at Castiel, then nodded. He could do that. "Okay," he said softly. He didn't want to be behind Castiel, so he made his fiancé move slightly so that he could lay down and facing him.

Castiel curled up into Dean's arms, and he let out a soft breath, closing his eyes.

Dean tucked Castiel's head under his chin, and held him close.

"You have no idea how happy I am that you're talking again..." Castiel whispered softly.

"Yeah... I don't," Dean admitted. "I managed to sort of scare Sam. Kid probably jumped a feet in the air and spilled his drink..."

Castiel huffed out a small laugh, taking his comfort from Dean's presence. After a while, he shifted slightly. "Can... Can you hum something?" he requested softly.

"I could try..." Dean murmured, and took a moment to gather some courage. Then he started to hum a tune that he didn't know the name of, but that he knew by heart. Castiel let out a soft breath, relaxing slightly as he listened to Dean. He fell asleep not much later, soothed and comforted.

Dean continued to hum for a while longer, then fell silent. He sighed quietly and closed his eyes, and for the first time in his life - he prayed. He wasn't a believer, and he felt silly, but he didn't know what else to do.

 

 

Castiel stirred awake a few hours later, looking much more refreshed and not nearly as harrowed. He tightened his grip around Dean slightly. "Thank you..." he murmured softly.

"It's no problem," Dean replied quietly, caressing Castiel's hair with a gentle hand. "Did you sleep well?"

"Better than I have in a long time," Castiel replied genuinely.

Dean nodded slightly. "That's good," he murmured, and kissed the top of Castiel's head.

Castiel let out a soft hum at the kiss, before moving to get out of bed. "Bathroom," he explained.

Dean nodded again and sat up. "Mmkay. Though, you might wanna... Grab a pair of boxers, before you go," he pointed out, smiling slightly. "Might get cold otherwise."

Castiel flushed, having completely forgotten he was naked from the waist down. He grabbed a pair of sweats nearby, pulling them on. They were Dean's, and they settled down low on his hips as he walked out of the room.

Dean watched Castiel leave the room, then sighed to himself as he flopped back down on the bed, rubbing the heels of his palms over his eyes before staring blankly at the ceiling. Castiel returned a few minutes later, watching Dean for a moment. "It's not too late for me to make dinner," he murmured softly.

"I've already told Sam that he was in charge of getting dinner," Dean replied, and moved to sit up again, this time leaning against the headboard. "It's fine, Cas. You can make dinner tomorrow."

Castiel nodded slowly, not arguing. He made his way back to the bed, sitting next to Dean and lacing their fingers together. Dean leaned closer to nose at Castiel's cheek, before giving him a soft kiss.

Castiel sighed softly into the kiss, his eyes closing as he enjoyed the sensation. "I love you..." he whispered when they pulled away.

"I love you too," Dean murmured softly, and kissed the corner of Castiel's lips.

Castiel shivered slightly at the kiss, and he tilted his head to catch Dean's lips again. "I don't know where I'd be without you..." he murmured softly.

Dean could think of several places, including a box in the ground, but he didn't say anything. He just hummed quietly, and kissed Castiel again. Castiel kissed him back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I apologise that this chapter is up later than usual. I was working on some artwork that I wanted to get done, and it took way longer than I thought it would. But here it is!  
> I hope that you all had an awesome weekend!  
> -Uke


	50. Therapy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILERS**
> 
> Dean meets Hael, Castiel's therapist, for the first time, and they discuss plans to help Castiel continue to cope with his illnesses and grow as a person. Afterwards, they check Castiel's mailbox and learn that their lease has arrived, which they fill out together happily.   
> Once that's all said and done, Castiel feels his first pang of arousal since he had been violated, and Dean helps him through it. Afterwards, while they're eating dinner, Dean forgets to wait for Castiel to pray before he starts eating, making Castiel a little uncomfortable and triggering an episode for him. Dean slept on the couch, which turns out to be a bad idea when Castiel wakes in the middle of the night from a nightmare.
> 
>  **TRIGGER WARNINGS**  
>  Therapy session, discussion of anxiety and depression and the symptoms, sexual contact with reminders of a recent rape (though is completely consensual), nightmares

The next day was Castiel's appointment with his therapist, and when Dean returned to pick him up, Castiel asked him to stay. "Hael wants to speak with you, ask you a few questions." he told the other. "Not about you, don't worry."

Dean furrowed his brows slightly. He couldn't think of a single reason why Castiel's therapist would want to speak to him. "... Okay. I suppose that's okay," he said, reluctantly agreeing to go inside the building and speak with her.

Castiel showed him where her office was located. "Hael, this is my fiancé, Dean Winchester."

"Hello Dean," she smiled, offering him her hand. "It's nice to finally meet you. I'm Hael Frendrickson, Castiel has so many nice things to say about you."

Castiel flushed slightly. "I'll be in the waiting room," he murmured, closing the door behind him.

"Take a seat, Dean," she gestured to an armchair. "I just have some concerns about Castiel, and I wanted to discuss some plans with you to help him."

Dean felt so very awkward, knowing that he wasn’t really supposed to be there, and he knew he probably looked like he had stick shoved up his ass when he sat down in the armchair. "All right... I'm all ears."

Hael sighed. "How good is Castiel at making decisions that make him happy? And I'm not just talking about you or Sam being happy, but making himself genuinely happy from his choice."

"Terribly shitty," Dean blurted out without really thinking, then cleared his throat, realizing what he said didn’t sound good. "Sorry, I mean... He doesn't really do it at all, on his own. If we convince him that we want him to, he will at least try, but... Not on his own, as I said."

Hael laughed. "It's all right Dean, believe me, I've heard worse." she nodded to what he said. "I thought so. I told Castiel he really needed to start working on that, and it's definitely going to require your help. Can you start giving Castiel at least one choice per day, one that benefits either you or him, and encourage him to make the choice that benefits him? I think he's afraid of making you angry, and if he sees that you don't mind either way, it may help him start making those choices on his own."

Dean took a deep breath as he thought about it. He didn't find it troublesome to help Castiel, but he was afraid he'd mess up and make everything worse. He really had no clue why people kept trusting him with things like this. "... Yeah, I could at least try. Do my best."

Hael nodded. "I really feel like it will benefit Castiel a lot, and especially with you two getting married in the foreseeable future. Castiel needs to learn that he can't just base his happiness around yours."

"Yeah... True." Dean scratched the side of his neck, not really having anything to add.

Hael smiled. "Thank you, Dean. And may I just say, I'm glad that Castiel has you, I really am. I've been his therapist since he was thirteen, and I can't tell you how much he's improved since he met you."

Dean shifted a bit. He knew he should probably be flattered that Castiel's therapist had such a good view about him, but it just felt like more pressure to fix Castiel. Just like everyone had expected him to fix everything else. He did his best to return the smile though. "That's good," he mumbled.

"Well, do you have any questions for me? Mind, I can't disclose anything that Castiel and I have discussed before."

Dean shook his head. "Can't think of anything right now."

She nodded, and shook Dean's hand again. "Thank you for speaking with me, it really was a pleasure to meet you."

Dean nodded in return. "It's no problem," he said, and bid her goodbye before exiting her office.

Castiel was waiting in the waiting room. He had taken to wearing the sweater Dean had given him in place of his lost trench coat. He gave the other a soft smile, standing up.

Dean smiled slightly, and gently took Castiel's hand in his own. "You wanna go straight home, or is there somewhere you'd like to go before we head home?"

Castiel shrugged slightly. "I honestly don't mind either way," he replied.

"Okay. You got anything you need to do, then? Get the mail? Anything missing from the fridge that you know of?"

Castiel bit his lip as he thought about it. "I should check my mailbox..." he murmured. "If it's not too out of the way?"

"Not at all. Let's go check your mailbox," Dean said. He kissed Castiel's cheek, then walked with him to the car.

Castiel smiled at the kiss, and slid into the passenger's side. "Is there anything you need to do while we're out?" he asked.

Dean shook his head as he sat in the drivers seat, and started the car. "Not that I can think of, no."

Castiel nodded, and leaned against Dean. "Sorry if it felt strange to talk to Hael...she's a very sweet woman."

"It's fine. She was very nice. I'm just not... Good with doctors, therapists and the like. Think I got it from Dad," Dean admitted as he started to drive, eyes focused on the road. Castiel nodded, rubbing Dean's thigh sweetly as they drove.

Dean changed the radio to a soft rock station, and let the music fill the car while he and Castiel remained quiet. When they reached the post office, he lowered the volume and parked the car. "You want me to come with you, or will you be okay?"

"I'll be okay, I think," Castiel replied, getting out of the car and heading inside.

When he came out, he was glancing through bills and junk mail, before he arrived at a letter. "Dean, it's the lease for the apartment!" he grinned, showing it to Dean.

Dean smiled widely to Castiel. "That's awesome. I was wondering when we'd get that."

Castiel smiled happily as he got back into the Impala. "We should fill it out as soon as we get back to Bobby's," he grinned.

Dean nodded, and wrapped an arm around Castiel to pull him into a gentle kiss. "We should," he said, loving that Castiel was happy.

Castiel returned the kiss, smiling. "We should really start going through our things, decide what we'll take and what we'll leave..." he murmured. They had both done that once before already, but all they could afford this trip was what they could fit in the Impala.

Dean nodded, and chewed on his lip. It was one of the worst parts of their move. It was hard to decide what to keep, and what not to keep. The good thing was that when he started working, his paycheck wouldn't be too bad, and since Castiel got a full ride they didn't have to worry about that.

Castiel was also planning on finding a part time job, to help pay his share of the rent. Although he still was sitting on a fairly decently sized inheritance, he tried not to touch it as much as he could. He was, however, the one who made the initial payment for the apartment. "At least Bobby offered to store some things for us," he pointed out.

"Yeah... That's true." Dean nodded again. It was really nice of Bobby to offer to keep some of their things. Though, he felt that it could be good to sell as much as possible of the things they didn't need. They probably wouldn't get a lot of money for it, but it was at least something to help keep them on their feet for a little bit. "Mh. We should probably get our asses back home."

Castiel nodded, slipping his mail into the glove compartment before cuddling against Dean's side. When the radio came back on, he starting singing along softly to one of the songs.

Dean smiled as he heard Castiel sing, and relaxed in the seat as he drove back to Bobby's.

 

Sam was reading the book Dean gave him for Christmas when the couple walked back in, and he looked up. "Whoa, you two look too happy." he chuckled.

Dean huffed softly and rolled his eyes at Sam's comment. "Don't ruin it. And we have a reason to be happy. The lease for the apartment arrived."

Sam smiled. "Awesome!" he chuckled, bookmarking his place. 

Castiel sat down at the counter and opened it up, starting to fill out his information.

"It really is." Dean grabbed a can of soda from the fridge, and let Castiel write in peace.

When Castiel finished, he handed Dean the pen. Since the lease would be in both of their names, they both had to fill out the paperwork.

Dean stared at the paper, then looked at Castiel. "... Read for me, please?"

Castiel chuckled, and started reading the categories, helping Dean to fill it out. "And since Sam's in your custody, you have to fill this part out..." he murmured, helping Dean fill out the minor's box.

Dean was chewing on his lip and nodding slightly while he filled it out. When it was all done, he smiled softly. "All right. It's done."

Castiel smiled happily, hugging Dean. "It's official," he whispered.

Dean hummed in agreement, and wrapped his arms around Castiel. "Yeah..."

Sam smiled. "Well, I'm gonna head upstairs. The bottom floor is all yours."

"All right," Dean said and nodded. He then put all his focus on Castiel, and kissed him gently. Castiel returned the kiss, happy. His fingers ran over Dean's jaw and cheek, feeling the stubble there. 

Dean slowly deepened the kiss, while drawing patterns with his fingers on Castiel's back. Castiel parted his lips, inviting Dean in and pressing closer, his tongue teasing the tip of Dean's. Dean closed his eyes and slipped his tongue inside, exploring and tasting his fiancé mouth.

Castiel moaned softly into the kiss, his tongue moving against Dean's as he pressed closer. Dean coaxed Castiel's tongue into his own mouth, so that he could gently suck on it. He pressed his hands flat against Castiel's back, splaying his fingers wide. Castiel shuddered at the sensation, letting out a weak sigh into Dean's mouth. He could feel himself start to harden, and when they broke the kiss to breathe, his eyes were full of want.

Dean opened his eyes to look at Castiel, and his breath got caught in his throat as he saw the look in the blue eyes. He licked his lips, before moving to kiss and nip at Castiel's jaw.

Castiel shivered, tilting his head back in a submissive gesture. It had been a while since he had been genuinely horny, but now he couldn't stop thinking about it. "Dean...please..." he whispered.

Dean wasn't entirely sure of what to do. It was quite obvious that Castiel wanted something, but exactly what he didn't know. "Tell me what you want, Cas..." he murmured, and kissed at Castiel's neck.

"You...I want you..." he murmured, hands grasping at Dean's shirt. "I...I'm not ready for penetrative sex, but...I want you."

"... Do you want my hand or my... Mouth?" Dean asked softly, and rubbed Castiel's back slightly while he started to gently suck a mark on one of Castiel's more sensitive spots.

Castiel clung to Dean, his knees feeling like they were about to give out. He wanted Dean's mouth, but he knew that Dean had gone through a violation of his own. "H-hand..." he whispered.

Dean was silently relieved, but he couldn't help but ask again. "You absolutely sure?"

"Yes," Castiel breathed back, kissing Dean again, the kiss open mouthed and needy. Dean hummed softly and kissed back, slowly unwrapping his arms and moving his hands to undo Castiel's pants. Castiel shivered as the constraints of his pants fell away, pressing against the fabric of his boxers. He let out a soft breath into Dean's mouth, shifting them until he was pressed against a wall for support. 

Dean deepened the kiss as he palmed Castiel through his boxers. He'd missed being like this with Castiel. After a bit of teasing, he carefully pulled the boxers down, revealing Castiel's erection. Castiel let out soft mewls into Dean's mouth, his erection twitching, so hard it was bowing back up when the boxers fell away. It was painful, and Castiel was panting. Dean broke the kiss to gently bite and suck at Castiel's bottom lip, while wrapping his fingers around his erection. It felt so hot and heavy - he wouldn't be surprised if Castiel came quickly. He started to slowly stroke it.

Castiel let out soft moans and pants as Dean moved his hand, his hips bucking into the rough fingers and calloused palm. Dean couldn't help but briefly wonder what kind of noises Castiel would make if he'd used his mouth instead, but he quickly pushed the thoughts away. He lowered his head to mark Castiel's neck with his mouth, and ran his free hand up and down Castiel's side.

Castiel was a lot closer than he'd like to admit, but he let out a soft wail when Dean twisted his hand a certain way. "C-close..."

Dean added a bit more pressure on the upward strokes, then loosened his hold as he moved his hand down, the precome making it easier to stroke Castiel's cock. He continued to suck on Castiel's neck. 

Castiel let out a loud cry as he tensed, his hands digging into Dean's back as he came hard, the spilled semen falling to the floor. Dean hummed softly as he licked the most recent mark on Castiel's neck, then planted a trail of kisses to his lips, stroking him through his orgasm.

When he finished, Castiel slumped into Dean's arms, his legs unable to support him any longer. He couldn't believe how hard he came, and marveled at the fact that a few weeks had passed, and he had needed it so badly, when before Dean, he would go for months without so much as an erection.

Dean wiped his hand on his jeans before he wrapped his arms around Castiel, holding him close and supporting him. He happily peppered his fiancé's face with kisses, and actually felt pretty satisfied himself.

Castiel let out a soft breath. "Thank you..." he whispered, when he got his voice back.

"It's no problem," Dean murmured, and continued to just hold Castiel in his arms, not really feeling like letting go.

Castiel didn't want to let go either, although he supported himself when he found the strength to. He pressed close to Dean, kissing where he could reach. "...do you want me to return the favor?" he asked softly.

"Nah, I'm fine," Dean replied. Pleasuring Castiel had made his own cock swell slightly, but it was nowhere close to being hard. He just wasn’t in the mood.

"Mkay..." Castiel murmured softly, too blissed out to think, which was a huge relief for him. Otherwise, he'd be worrying about why Dean wasn't hard.

Dean hummed and kissed Castiel softly. "Lean against the wall... I'mma help you put your pants back on," he mumbled, letting Castiel support himself against the wall, while he pulled his boxers back up and then knelt to grab the discarded pants.

Castiel looked down, and made a face at the mess on the floor. "I'll clean that up." he murmured, voice drowsy.

Dean chuckled as he saw Castiel's face, then shook his head. "Nah. I'll take care of it," he said, and helped Castiel into his pants before standing up to give him a kiss.

"Are you sure?" Castiel asked, kissing Dean back

"Yeah, I'm sure." Dean smiled softly, and gently patted Castiel's hip. "Go do whatever you like while I take care of it."

Castiel went and retrieved cleaning supplies and paper towels, handing them to Dean. Dean gave Castiel a kiss to thank him, and then got down on his knees on the floor to start cleaning up the mess. Castiel watched for a few moments before he joined Dean on the floor, taking a paper towel and mopping up some of the semen.

Dean blinked in surprise, and looked at Castiel. "Am I not doing a good enough job?" he joked, and gently nudged Castiel with his elbow.

"You're doing well, I just feel guilty trying to walk away from a mess I created." Castiel replied.

"Aw, Cas... There's no reason to be guilty over this. Now, if you had instead purposely _shat_ on the floor... Then you should have felt guilty," Dean said, then turned back to mopping up the rest off spunk.

Castiel tilted his head in confusion. "That is simply animalistic," he replied, tossing the paper towels in a trash can.

"It was just an example of what I think people should feel guilty about, instead of something small - like this," Dean murmured. There probably wouldn't have been a mess if he'd used his mouth.

Castiel nodded slowly, still a little confused. But he helped Dean pick up the mess, putting the supplies back.

Dean stretched slightly as he stood up. "Hey, Cas, what do you wanna do now?"

Castiel shrugged. "I'm not sure." he murmured. "I definitely want to make you grilled cheese and tomato soup, make up for last night...."

Dean just looked at him for a moment, then pulled him into a hug. "You don't need to make up for anything. You did nothing wrong, Cas."

"I didn't make you the meal you wanted for your birthday," Castiel murmured. "It's just… You, Sam, and Jess… You gave me a perfect day. I ended up causing yours to become a nightmare." He was speaking very quietly as he admitted his thoughts. "I just… I need to make that up, before it eats at me more than it has."

Dean frowned. He didn't have a clue that Castiel felt _that_ bad about yesterday. "... Cas. I... I didn't even want to acknowledge that it was my birthday. Still, you gave me a nice morning and an awesome gift. It was much better than I had thought it would be. And shit happens. I'm not mad or disappointed," he said softly. "I'm not stopping you from cooking. You do what you want. But I don't see a reason for you to feel guilty."

Castiel was quiet as he let the words sink in, and he nodded slowly. "I'm still making you that meal," he whispered softly, his grip on the other tightening.

Dean nodded, and kissed Castiel's forehead. "Awesome. I love your cooking," he murmured.

Castiel smiled softly at the kiss and compliment, and he let go of Dean. "I'm going to make that now, then," he smiled, heading into the kitchen.

"Sounds good to me. If you need help, I'll be on the couch," Dean said, before going to make himself comfortable in the living room.

Castiel worked on making the food, and about twenty minutes later, he went into the living room with a bowl of soup and a grilled cheese sandwich for Dean, a smile on his face.

Dean looked up at Castiel, and smiled. He did find it odd that there was only food for one person, but decided not to ruin the moment. "Thanks, Cas. You're awesome."

Castiel kissed his forehead before he went back to the kitchen, coming back with his own food. He had only two hands, after all. Dean smiled a bit wider, and he was pretty hungry so he started to nibble on the sandwich as he scooted over to give Castiel space to sit. Castiel gave him a look, but said nothing as he prayed. Dean didn't have to wait for him to finish before he ate, but he had grown used to it, and a pang went through his chest.

Dean hadn't even realized what he'd done until he noticed that Castiel was praying. He awkwardly chewed on his lip instead, feeling ashamed of himself.

Castiel finished the prayer and started to eat, his shoulders tense.

Dean shifted awkwardly as he glanced at Castiel, and didn't really know what to say to make it better."... S-sorry," he managed to finally say.

"You have nothing to apologize for," Castiel replied quietly. "I sometimes forget that you don't believe like I do, and it's okay."

Dean swallowed, and forced himself to eat even if he'd lost his appetite. "... But it's not," he murmured.

Castiel looked at the other then. "It is okay that you don't believe like I do. You have different traditions, and that's all right. I just...I grew so used to you waiting, that it struck me as odd."

Dean looked down at his feet. "I don't know what happened... I don't mind waiting, I just... I like our... Praying-waiting-thing. I didn't mean to start without you."

Castiel nodded softly, looking down at the bowl of soup in his lap. "You did nothing wrong," he repeated, before he continued to eat. Dean turned quiet, and also continued to eat in a much slower pace than usual, not really hungry anymore.

When Castiel finished, he waited until Dean was done before he took their dishes, going to the kitchen to wash them.

Dean put one foot up on his seat and leaned back, absentmindedly watching whatever was on the tv. He knew he should probably say something, but didn’t know what.

When Castiel finished, he went upstairs and shut himself in their room, sitting on the bed and drawing in his sketchbook.

After a while, Dean got too frustrated to stay inside. He turned off the tv and grabbed his jacket, then went out to walk around the scrapyard, just to have something to do and get some fresh air.

Castiel drew for quite a while, until his hand started to cramp and hurt. Sighing, he closed his sketchbook and curled up on Dean's side of the bed, falling asleep with the other's scent in his nose.

It was a few hours before Dean came back inside. He went upstairs to check on Castiel, but decided against it as he saw the closed door. Clearly he wasn’t welcome after fucking up like he had, and he understood. He didn’t deserve to sleep in the bed with Castiel. Sighing, he quietly went back downstairs to sleep on the couch.

 

Castiel woke in the middle of the night, shaking with a nightmare. His panic only increased when he realized that Dean wasn't in bed with him, and he nearly slammed the door open, tripping over himself and falling halfway down the stairs trying to find the other, ending up sore, panicked, and crying at the foot of the stairs.

Dean woke with a start. If it hadn't been for Castiel's crying, he would've thought there was a burglar in the house. He quickly got to his feet and turned the lights on so that he could see better. Though, he almost regretted it as he saw his fiancé. It was like a punch to the gut, although he would’ve preferred the physical pain to this. "Fuck, Cas... You didn't break anything, did you?" he asked as he went over to help Castiel sit up, assuming that the other had fallen down the stairs from the sound and the looks of it.

Castiel shook his head, clinging to Dean, shaking. "I'm sorry," he whimpered. "I didn't mean to kick you out of bed..."

"You didn't do anything wrong, Cas..." Dean wrapped his arms tightly around Castiel. "Did you have another nightmare...?"

Castiel nodded, burying his face into Dean's shoulder. Dean kissed the top of Castiel's head, and then started to hum softly while gently rocking them back and forth.

Castiel's sobs slowly started to die down as he was comforted, his body still trembling. "I'm sorry..." he whispered. "I shouldn't have been irritated with you..."

"It's fine, Cas, it is... I messed up- and don't try to tell me I didn't, because I did. And it's fine to be irritated."

Castiel swallowed hard and nodded softly, pressing close to the other. "I love you...and I'm so scared of losing you..." he admitted, for the first time admitting a little of what the nightmares he had almost daily were about.

"I'm not planning to leave, Cas..." Dean said quietly, cuddling Castiel in his arms. "I love you too."

Castiel swallowed and nodded. "Tell that to my subconscious..." he let out a shaking, forced laugh.

Dean frowned at that. He let Castiel calm down a bit more, before they both went to go sleep in their bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I'm so sorry about the erratic posting schedule lately, I've been super busy with work and craft orders that sometimes I let the chapters slip by. I'm sorry about that, I try my hardest to make sure you guys are updated regularly.
> 
> In other news, only 9 chapters left in this part! Part 2 will be titled "Beat the Odds: California", and centers around their new life in the state. We hope you enjoy what's left of this part, and we hope to see you in part 2!
> 
> ~Cinder


	51. Valentine's Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILERS**
> 
> Dean and Castiel celebrate Valentines Day with a nice dinner and bath. Dean finally gives Castiel an engagement ring, and Castiel absolutely loves it. Later, they have penetrative sex for the first time since the rape had occurred, and though it has its ups and downs, it ultimately helps their relationship for the better.
> 
>  **TRIGGER WARNING**  
>  Mentions of a rape and the repercussions of it

A couple of weeks passed, and February the 14th came up. Dean had finally gotten the engagement ring for Castiel that he'd promised he'd get. He felt guilty that it had taken so long - way too long, actually - but he couldn't help it. Their lives had been stressful, and at one point he'd simply forgotten, and then it took some time to decide what design the ring should have. 

After another much too long day at school, Dean had gone to pick the ring up, and put it in an envelope with a cheesy card that he'd bought earlier in the week. To top it off, he'd also bought a box of chocolates, because it seemed too shitty to just show up with an envelope. He'd never been a big fan of Valentine's Day, but he guessed that he wouldn't get a better moment than this to give Castiel the ring.

The whole drive back to Bobby's, he'd tried to give himself a pep-talk - since Sam had gone off with Jess and Bobby was away on some business, meaning that there was no one there to laugh at him. It didn't help much though, and he was starting to feel anxious before he even got inside the house.

Castiel knew that Valentine's Day was an important holiday for lovers, and this was the first one he was spending with someone he truly cared about. He had spent the day while Dean was at school preparing a nice meal for the two of them: steaks, with a side of mashed potatoes and green beans. He had spent the day before on the Internet, looking up what people gave each other, and had bought a box of conversation hearts, as well as a single red rose to give to Dean. It wasn't much, but they were trying to save their money for their impending move within four months.

His heart pounded when he heard the familiar rumble of the Impala, and he started to quickly set the table.

The wonderful smell of food was the first thing that Dean noticed as he stepped inside. His eating habits still hadn't gone back to what they used to be, but right there and then he felt like he was starving and as if he could eat a horse. It just smelled so lovely. "I'm home," he called out while carefully grabbing the gifts from his bag.

Castiel took a deep breath. He was wearing a v-neck top that was a little tight on him, and the jeans that Dean had gotten him for Christmas. His leather bracelet was wrapped around his wrist, and he smiled as he walked out of the kitchen to greet Dean. "Hello, Dean," he murmured. He had put on a little cologne as well, hoping Dean would like it.

Dean paused, and couldn't help but give Castiel a once-over. "... Well damn, you're looking good. And here I am, looking like a hobo," he joked, smiling as he walked over to Castiel. "Happy Valentine's Day," he murmured as he kissed his fiancé softly on the lips. He blinked as he noticed the smell, and nosed slightly at Castiel's neck. "You smell good, too..."

Castiel returned the soft kiss. "Happy Valentines Day," he murmured in response, smiling as Dean nosed at his neck, hugging him close. "I'm glad you like it."

Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel in return, still holding the gifts. He gently kissed Castiel's neck. "Is it your own?"

"Mhm...I rarely wear it," Castiel murmured, kissing Dean's temple in return. He could feel something in the other's hands, but he was too distracted by the lips against his neck.

"Mmh. You're so wearing it the next time we go on a date," Dean murmured. He kissed his way up to Castiel's ear to nip at it teasingly, then pulled away to look at him. "... So. Uh. I got you something."

"All right," he murmured breathily, before Dean pulled away. He gave him a soft smile. "I got you something as well...it isn't much, but I hope you like it."

Dean smiled back, and took a step back so he could give Castiel the box and the envelope. "You can open it later. There's something else that also smells good, and I wanna know what it is."

Castiel smiled at the box, holding it as they went into the kitchen. "I made us dinner," he smiled, looking at Dean. His gifts were sitting by Dean's plate.

Dean was actually a bit surprised as he saw his gifts. "... This is probably the first time I've ever gotten a rose and hearts on Valentine's," he admitted. The girlfriend's he had in the past usually just put on a show in the bedroom, and maybe got him some typically manly things like deodorant.

Castiel hesitated. "...do you not like them?" he asked softly.

"I didn't say that. I do like them." Dean smiled, and kissed Castiel in an attempt to assure him that he meant what he said.

Castiel returned the kiss, and gave him a soft smile. "Sit down, I'll serve you," he smiled.

Dean hummed quietly and nodded, before he sat down in his seat by the table. Castiel served them both their food, and set it down in front of Dean with a smile and a kiss, before he sat down and prayed. Dean waited patiently, and after Castiel had finished praying, he started to eat. He was pretty sure that the happy noise he made at the first bite was quite inappropriate, but the food was incredible and he just couldn't help himself.

Castiel smiled happily at the noise. "I'm glad you like it," he smiled.

"Your cooking is awesome. You make everything taste good, and this steak... Man. It's perfect," Dean said.

Castiel smiled happily, and when they finished eating, he reached across the table and caressed Dean's cheek gently.

Dean smiled softly as he looked at Castiel, and leaned into the touch. "... I think that maybe you should check the envelope."

Castiel nodded, and he opened the envelope.

Dean blushed slightly and chewed on his lip as he watched. The card had some roses on it and a text that said 'Happy Valentine's Day". In the card, Dean had placed a tiny jewelery bag, which the ring was in. It was a simple silver ring with one blue stone in it that matched Castiel's eyes, and 'Beloved Angel' was engraved on the inside of it.

Castiel smiled at the card, and grew quiet at the sight of the bag. He opened the bag, and let out a soft gasp as the ring fell into his palm, speechless. He loved it.

"... I thought it was about time," Dean said quietly, and ran a hand through his hair.

Castiel smiled happily, and he extended his left hand to Dean, giving him the ring to put on his finger.

Dean smiled softly as he slid the ring onto Castiel's finger, then simply held his hand and caressed the knuckles with his thumb. "Looks good on you."

Castiel got up and moved around the table to hug Dean tightly. "I love it. I love you." he whispered.

Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel's waist. "I love you too Castiel," he murmured.

Castiel pressed close. "I love you," he repeated. "I love it... It's beautiful." he pulled back slightly, taking Dean's hand and lacing their fingers together, both rings touching.

Dean looked at their hands, then looked up at Castiel with loving eyes. "That's good," he said with a small grin.

Castiel kissed Dean tenderly, pressing as close as he could. Dean gently tugged and pulled on Castiel, and made him sit in his lap. He gently kissed back.

Castiel kissed him, pressing close. "Dean..." he whispered the other's name, kissing him over and over.

Dean sighed happily into a kiss, and held Castiel as close as he possibly could while kissing back. "I love you," he murmured.

"I love you," he replied, not able to stop kissing him. He slowly started to roll his hips. Dean moaned into Castiel's mouth, moving his arms up to run his fingers through Castiel's hair. Castiel moaned in return, and rolled his hips a little faster.

Dean's hands began to slowly roam over Castiel's back and sides.

Castiel broke the kiss, looking at Dean with love and want shining in his eyes. "I want you. I'm ready." he whispered, kissing the other again.

Dean felt himself harden, and he moaned softly. "You absolutely sure...?" he asked quietly.

"Yes..." Castiel whispered, hardening in return. "Just... Overprepare me. But I want it. I want you so badly..."

Dean inhaled deeply through his nose. "... You promise to tell me if it gets too much for you?"

"I promise," Castiel whispered, kissing Dean again before getting up, giving Dean his hand.

Dean took Castiel's hand in his own, and stood up. He gave Castiel a chaste kiss, before they headed upstairs to their bedroom. Castiel kissed him again before he slowly laid down on his back, looking up at Dean with trust in his eyes. Dean crawled over Castiel, and felt extremely nervous as he looked down at his fiancé. It was a bit hard to breathe, but he gathered courage and leaned down to kiss Castiel.

Castiel slid his hands under Dean's shirt, nervous and anxious, but ready. He wanted to forget the feeling of Azazel and Uriel, and wanted to remember Dean. He kissed the other passionately. Dean gently nudged Castiel's legs apart, and put his knees between them. He ran his hands over Castiel's sides and hips, then rubbed them over his torso, loving how the v-necked top clung to his form.

Castiel spread his legs, trembling slightly, but pushed it down as he looked at Dean. "I love you," he whispered.

"I love you too," Dean replied, and kissed Castiel sweetly. Then he slowly kissed down to Castiel's neck.

Castiel let out a soft breath, tilting his head back as he pulled off Dean's shirt. Dean tossed his shirt to the side, then leaned back down to kiss and suck marks on Castiel's neck. At first, he avoided Castiel's sensitive spots on purpose, then gradually started to focus only on his good spots.

Castiel was trembling, letting out soft noises as Dean found the sensitive spots. "Dean..." he whispered. "Dean..."

"I've got you... I'll take care of you," Dean murmured, and slipped his hands under Castiel's top, feeling his naked skin with gentle hands.

Castiel shivered, and let out a soft noise. He arced into Dean's touch. Dean sucked and nibbled on Castiel's neck, while rubbing and gently pinching his nipples. After a moments, he pulled away to removed Castiel's shirt and toss it to the floor, then started kissing at his collarbones. Castiel squirmed slightly, letting out soft noises.

Dean slowly kissed and licked his way down Castiel's body, and stopped moving lower to suck marks on his hipbones and close to his navel, while gently caressing his thighs. Castiel was whimpering, shivering and trembling more as Dean got lower. He had to keep reminding himself that this was Dean, his hands, his lips making him feel so loved, so safe and taken care of.

Dean found Castiel's whimpering to be a bit off, so he stopped everything he was doing and looked up at his fiancé. "... Are you sure about this, Cas? We don't need to go 'all the way'..."

Castiel nodded, taking the time to catch his breath. "I want it, I really do." he murmured. "I've missed it, and I hate not wanting it...but now I do." he whispered. "I...I need it. I need you."

Dean studied Castiel's face for a bit, then nodded slowly. "Okay... Whatever you say..." he mumbled, and kissed the skin above the waistband of the other's jeans. Castiel settled back down, breathing in short pants. Dean nuzzled his cheeks against the inside of Castiel's thighs, before nosing and then kissing at Castiel's clothed crotch. He ran his tongue over the slight bulge, hoping that his fiancé would be able to let go and just enjoy it - though he somewhat doubted it.

Castiel's breath hitched and he let out a soft moan, his eyes fluttering closed. He spread his legs a little further. Dean rubbed his hands slowly over Castiel's hips and abdomen while burying his face into his crotch, and pressing open mouthed kisses to the bulge. A few moments later, he pulled away slightly to undo the button and the zipper, but not pulling the jeans down. Castiel whined softly at the loss of heat and contact, trembling slightly again.

Dean shifted a bit, then awkwardly leaned back down to nuzzle and kiss Castiel's still covered erection, while slowly inching the jeans down Castiel's lean legs. Castiel let out a soft moan, panting. He lifted his hips to help Dean disrobe him. Dean pulled Castiel's jeans off completely, and settled between his legs again. He got a bit more enthusiastic as he teased Castiel, sucking, licking and kissing his erection through the thin fabric of the boxers.

Castiel was moaning, trying to press his hips up into Dean's mouth, seeking more friction than the damp fabric allowed. He was leaking precome, and Dean's saliva added to the mess. He whined softly. Dean took his time to tease the other, but eventually he pulled back to remove Castiel's boxers, and chuckled breathily as he saw the wet front. He dropped the boxers to the floor, then peppered the inside of Castiel's naked thighs with kisses.

Castiel made soft noises; he always loved it when Dean paid attention to his inner thighs. "Talk to me," he whispered softly. It would help, help remind him who this was.

"What sort of talk...?" Dean asked, while gently putting Castiel's legs over his shoulders, then pushing the thighs together so they were pressing against the sides of his head. "The nice sort of dirty talk?" He gently nuzzled Castiel's thighs.

Castiel let out a soft whining noise. "Y-yes..." he whispered, loving the scratch of Dean's stubble against the sensitive skin of his inner thighs.

"Well... Earlier, I came to think of something really sweet... Literally." Dean turned his head to suck a mark on Castiel's inner thigh. "Mmh... Maybe cover you in chocolate sauce, or whipped cream. Then lick it off you," he murmured, then turned to suck a mark on the other thigh. "Though, you taste pretty sweet anyway..." He moved one arm around Castiel's leg, and gently grabbed his cock to squeeze it gently.

Castiel let out a soft cry, shuddering as Dean sucked the marks, and letting out a louder one as he felt pressure around his erection. "O-okay..." he whispered softly. "I'm willing to try..."

Dean started to slowly stroke Castiel's cock, while continuing to mark his thighs. "It's fun, really... It can tickle a bit, but that just adds to the fun. I'll take care of you. If you don't like it, I'll just have to use my mouth to... Lick, kiss, suck..."

Castiel was panting softly, his erection twitching in Dean's hand at the words and the sensations. "Dean..." he moaned the other's name.

Dean chewed on his bottom lip for a moment, and looked almost shy as he looked up at Castiel. "... Apparently, it feels really good to have someone lick you... Down there. You know... _There_. At least that's what people say... Lots of nerve endings there. Would you want me to... Try?"

Castiel swallowed softly. "If...if you want to." he murmured softly. "I took a shower, cleaned myself earlier, so..." he looked down at the other. "Don't if you don't want to, or stop if you want to stop."

"No, no, I want to... I just... Wanted to make sure it was okay." Dean licked his lips, and slowly pulled away to remove his own jeans and boxers, and grabbed the lube and condoms from the drawer so he wouldn't have to when they actually needed it.

Castiel spread his legs a little wider when Dean settled back down between his legs, his breathing picking up. He was nervous, so nervous, but this was Dean. This was Dean and everything would be okay. He was safe. He took a deep breath to calm down, his hole clenching slightly in anticipation. Dean gently grabbed Castiel's thighs and pushed them back, exposing Castiel's most intimate parts to him. His cock throbbed at the thought of getting to be inside of his fiancé again, though he was still a bit nervous. He'd been doing some research about rimming, having just stumbled upon it by accident. He wasn't sure if he'd like doing it - it seemed pretty not so sexy for the one doing it - but it was worth trying for Castiel. He started by licking and gently sucking at Castiel's balls, then moved lower.

Castiel's breathing picked up, his hands clenching into the sheets as he felt Dean move lower and lower. When Dean's tongue first rubbed over the opening, he let out a loud cry, his erection twitching. Dean moved his face away in surprise, not expecting such a strong reaction. Carefully, he tried it again. Then he pushed Castiel's legs back just a little more, and started to lap at his opening, curious to see just how much Castiel could enjoy it. Castiel was writhing, amazed at how wonderful the sensation was. He let out soft cries and moans, calling out Dean's name, his erection twitching.

Dean loved the sounds pouring out of Castiel's mouth, and he gradually got bolder with his strokes, and soon he was pressing his tongue into Castiel. He didn't even care if he was making a mess with his saliva. Castiel cried out, moving his hand down to tighten at the base of his erection to stop himself from coming right then and there. The sensation was amazing, and he was breathing hard, any nervousness gone.

Dean continued like that for a while before he eventually slowed down to a pause, and lifted his head to look at Castiel, breathing heavily. "Sounds like it feels pretty amazing, huh..." He smiled, very pleased with himself. Castiel had no words, and simply nodded, breathing hard, still squeezing the base of his erection.

Dean looked down at Castiel's hand and cock, then looked back at Castiel. "... I could lick you till you come, if you want. I don't mind."

Castiel shook his head, and handed Dean the lube. "That helped...that really helped..." he whispered. "Just...get me to four fingers, before we...you know."

Dean nodded as he accepted the lube. "Okay," he said, and kissed Castiel's thigh as he opened the cap, and slicked his fingers with the lube.

Castiel felt his heart beating faster, and he swallowed. He was already slightly opened from Dean's tongue. Dean took his time. He made sure his fingers were coated with a generous amount of lube, before gently rubbing them over Castiel's opening. Then he gently nudged the rim with one finger tip, wriggling it slightly to open him up more before slowly pushing the finger inside.

Castiel tensed hard, letting out a soft cry, shaking slightly. The intrusion was a lot, and he fought to remain calm. He reminded himself that it didn't hurt, it felt good. "T...talk to me, please..." he asked.

Dean froze at Castiel's reaction, and didn't even twitch. He didn't dare to. "F-fuck, I'm- I'm so sorry- Does it hurt?" he asked, trying to remain calm and completely still.

Castiel shook his head, letting out hard breaths. Slowly, he started to relax. "You...you can move." he told the other, voice soft.

"... Are you sure? It's okay if you want to stop..." Dean said quietly. This was harder than their first time together. He was feeling deflated after Castiel's reaction. It felt like what they were doing really wasn’t a good idea.

"I'm sure," Castiel replied. "I can do this, just talk to me. Hearing your voice helps..." he whispered, rocking his hips softly.

Dean panicked slightly, even if the movement wasn't big, and grabbed Castiel's hip to keep him still. "... Okay. Well... I don't really know what to say..." He chewed on his lip, and took a deep breath before pushing his finger all the way in. "I actually have no clue..."

Castiel shuddered again, but didn't tense up like he did at first. "Anything," he whispered. "Say whatever comes to mind...warn me what you're going to do, will probably help..."

"Okay..." Dean nodded slightly. He took another deep breath and swallowed his feelings. "I guess I'll just... Move it, slightly... Open you up more..." He sounded ridiculous, but he couldn't help it as he worked, doing nothing but what he said he would.

Castiel slowly calmed and relaxed as he listened to Dean's voice, slowly opening up around his fingers. "It's helping," he whispered softly.

Dean just nodded stiffly, and continued to slowly work Castiel open on his fingers, speaking quietly about what he would do, and gradually added one finger after the other.

When Castiel was taking four fingers easily, he nodded softly. "I'm ready," he whispered.

Dean nodded once again, then slowly pulled his fingers out. He grabbed a condom. He had to gently pull and stroke his cock for a few moments to make it fill out again, then fumbled to get the condom on and slick himself up.

Castiel wasn't really as hard as he had been, and stroked himself at the same time that Dean did. "Just...go slow, please." he requested softly, spreading his legs wide to try and make it easier.

Dean wanted to just say no and leave the room, but Castiel wanted this. He couldn't say no. "Of course..." he said, voice strained as he positioned himself. "Okay... Here we go..." He held his erection in place, and then started to slowly push inside.

Castiel let out a soft moan, shuddering as he grabbed the blankets. He was panting hard, and kept reminding himself that this was Dean, this was Dean...slowly, he relaxed, letting Dean press in further.

"It's okay... It's just me... Keep breathing," Dean whispered as he continued to push in, pausing whenever Castiel tensed up. Eventually he bottomed out, and he stayed still and let Castiel get used to his size. "You're doing good, Cas..."

Castiel was panting, his eyes open and trained on Dean's face. He reached up and pulled Dean down to kiss him. Dean kissed back gently, and tried not to move too much - not wanting a repeat of earlier.

It took Castiel a while, before he whispered. "Okay...you can move..."

"All right, if you say so..." Dean replied, and started to gently rock his hips, slowly and gently pulling out and pushing in.

Castiel kept his eyes open and on Dean the entire time, finally relaxing as he grew used to the push and pull. This was nothing like Azazel and Uriel; this was making love, this was being treated right. He pulled Dean back down into a kiss as a few tears slipped down his cheeks. Dean hated the fact that Castiel was crying, and he couldn't do anything but close his own eyes. He was torn between feeling good and feeling absolutely awful. He hated, with all his might, what they'd done to Castiel.

"It's not hurting." Castiel whispered, knowing that Dean was feeling guilty about the tears. "It feels good...right. It feels like I'm home. I'm happy." he whispered softly, touching Dean's cheeks.

Dean looked at Castiel for a moment, then he had to bury his face in Castiel's neck. "Okay," he said quietly, to let the other know that he heard what was said. Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean, rocking his hips slowly. Dean fisted the sheets on each side of Castiel, not daring to quicken the pace without Castiel telling him to.

"You can go a little faster," Castiel whispered softly.

Dean made a soft noise of acknowledgement, and moved his hips a bit faster. Castiel let out a soft moan, his hands moving down to squeeze Dean's ass, and encourage him to pick up the pace. He shifted his hips slightly, letting out a loud cry and spasm when Dean found his prostate. Dean felt like a terrible lover, but tried his best to do as Castiel wanted. He sucked in a sharp breath as Castiel tightened around him, and just ground into him for a bit before starting to thrust again.

Castiel was letting out soft moans and pants, crying out and whimpering as Dean ground against his prostate, leaking precome over their stomachs. Dean sucked and nibbled on Castiel's neck, and picked up the pace of his thrusts a little more. He let go of the sheets with one hand, to wrap it around Castiel's leaking cock and gently stroked it.

Castiel writhed and cried out, clenching slightly around Dean. "Close..." he warned the other, panting.

"Come for me, Cas," Dean murmured into Castiel's neck, and flicked his wrist on the upward strokes.

Castiel lasted two more thrusts before he was gone, coming with a loud cry and clenching hard around Dean. Dean grunted and bit into his lip hard enough to draw blood, the tightness of Castiel's body sending him over the edge with a shudder. Castiel was panting hard as he came down from his high, slumping back into the bed, his eyes on Dean as his chest heaved.

Dean took a moment to breathe and lick the blood off his lips, before he carefully pulled out of Castiel to get the condom off and tie it shut.

Castiel watched Dean, before pulling him back to cuddle on the bed. "Thank you..." he whispered softly, lacing their left hands together.

"... It's no problem, I guess," Dean answered quietly and closed his eyes, feeling like he could sleep for a year. Or ten.

Castiel cuddled up close, wrapping his arms around the other. "Happy Valentines Day." he whispered, kissing Dean's cheek affectionately.

Dean snuggled closer, though kept his eyes closed. "Happy Valentines Day... I love you," he murmured.

"I love you too," Castiel whispered, feeling the familiar, comforting ache. He closed his eyes and tucked his head against Dean's chest, falling asleep not much longer later.

Dean remained awake for a long while, but eventually he also drifted off to sleep.

 

Castiel slept deeply and well, without a nightmare, which he was still having fairly frequently. He woke the next morning, and stretched out, smiling as he felt the ache. He had done it, he had had sex with Dean without completely panicking.

Dean was still asleep on his side of the bed, face buried in the pillow and snoring lightly. Castiel smiled, and shifted, trailing gentle kisses down Dean's bare shoulders and back. Dean snorted softly, and buried his face further into the pillow. Castiel smiled, and shifted to straddle Dean, digging his fingers into the other's muscles as he started to massage him.

Dean started to wake up, and he tensed up when he realized someone was sitting on him. "... Cas...?"

"Good morning," he murmured, rubbing into the tense muscles.

Dean relaxed, just a little bit. "Mornin'..."

"Did you sleep well?" he asked, leaning forwards to press a kiss to the nape of Dean's neck.

Dean hummed softly. "I guess I didn't sleep too badly..."

Castiel smiled, and continued to work the knots and tenseness out of Dean's shoulders and back. Dean slowly relaxed under Castiel's hands, and felt that he could definitely sleep some more.

Castiel smiled, and shifted off of Dean once he had the other limp under his hands, cuddling close. "Did you like that?" he asked, kissing Dean's cheek.

Dean felt like protesting, but couldn't be bothered. He wrapped an arm around Castiel. "I did," he murmured. Castiel smiled happily, kissing Dean's cheek again and cuddling close. Their alarm went off about half an hour later, to let Dean know he had to get ready for school. Dean sighed as he pulled away from Castiel, shut the alarm off and dragged himself out of bed to get dressed.

Castiel sat up in bed, watching the other. "We'll do homework tonight, since we were sufficiently distracted last night, okay?" he murmured.

"Yeah... Sounds like a plan," Dean mumbled, then yawned loudly as he ran a hand through his hair. He grabbed his bag when he was ready, and went to give Castiel a kiss. "I'll see you later."

Castiel kissed him back. "Have a good day," he smiled.

Sam had spent the night at Jess', so he would meet Dean at school.

"I'll try," Dean replied. "Love you." He kissed Castiel again, before he headed out and left for school.

"Love you too," Castiel smiled, getting out of bed and stretching, deciding to go through his things to sort through what to take, what to sell, and what to storage at Bobby's.

School passed by slowly, and Dean almost fell asleep during some of the lessons. He longed until the hour school was out and he went home with Sam.

Sam met Dean at the Impala after school. "So what did Cas think of the ring?" he asked, sliding into the passenger's seat.

"Fortunately, he seemed to like it," Dean said as he got in the driver's seat, and started the car.

Sam smiled, and stretched out. "I gave Jess a promise ring," he admitted as they started driving home.

"Aww, aren't you sweet, Sammy. You make my heart melt," Dean teased. "I assume that she loved it?" 

"She did," Sam smiled, hitting Dean's shoulder. "Hey, you gave an engagement ring to Cas, don't even start on me."

Dean made a noise, and slowed down slightly so that he could rub his shoulder. "Man, control your punches."

"Not really sorry," Sam chuckled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A nice sweet chapter for you guys x3
> 
> Also, I wrote a little ficlet called "Little Red Dress" that Uke did the art for, it takes place in the BtO verse so you guys might be interested!
> 
> ~Cinder


	52. Alistair's Trial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILERS**
> 
> It's time to go to trial against Alistair, and Dean and castiel are nervous wrecks about it. At the actual trial, Alistair pleads that he is a psychopath and has been receiving treatments, and that he didn't mean to harm Dean and Castiel over the years, despite the fact that he was clearly right in his mind. All the facts about the rape are laid bare on the table, and after a lengthy consideration and review of the evidence, Alistair is found guilty of his crimes, is charged as an adult, and sentenced to 30 years.
> 
>  **TRIGGER WARNINGS**  
>  The stresses of the trial, recounting physical and emotional trauma from bullying, recounting a rape, faking mental illnesses, and the strain of thinking an abuser is going to get away with his crimes.

About halfway through February, Castiel received a call from their lawyer, that the trial against Alistair now had a date, and both he and Dean were required to be present and serve as witnesses. Both of them agreed.

It was March now, and the date of the trial had arrived. Bobby had helped the teens get suits that actually fit them, so they would make a good first impression to the judge and jury. Castiel was busy tying his tie, hands shaking, The last thing he wanted was to face Alistair again, but he had no choice if he wanted to other out of his life forever.

Dean was sitting on the bed, elbows on his thighs and head in his hands as he stared down at the floor. He couldn't believe that it was actually happening. They were going to stand before Alistair and other people, and tell them everything. He was feeling bad, and he couldn't even imagine how bad Castiel must have been feeling. What he went through was nothing in comparison to what Castiel went through. He felt guilty about it everyday, but he had to just be strong and help Castiel get rid of that nightmare.

Castiel took a deep, shaking breath once he finished with his tie, giving his appearance one last once over in the mirror. "Ready?" he asked softly.

Dean looked up at Castiel. "Ready or not, this is happening. No escaping from it."

Castiel nodded and swallowed. "...I don't know if I can do this." he admitted softly.

Dean stood up to pull Castiel close. "You can," he murmured. "I believe in you, Cas."

Castiel leaned into the embrace. "You'll be there, right?" he whispered.

"I'll be there all the way, Cas. Right by your side," Dean murmured, kissing his hair.

Castiel nodded. "Okay... I love you."

"I love you too," Dean murmured.

"Time to go!" Bobby called out from downstairs.

Castiel let out a shaking breath.

Dean held Castiel's hand, and everyone made sure they were ready to go before they made their way out to the car.

Castiel was taking deep breaths as they drove to the courthouse, doing his best to stay strong.

Dean was driving as none of the others thought it would be a good idea, and he held Castiel's hand all the way. After they were parked, the group moved into the courthouse to meet their lawyer to talk for a second and wait until it was time.

Their lawyer, Mr. McAdams, coached them through the events of the trial and what they needed to do at the different parts. Finally, it was time, and Castiel sat next to him in the prosecutor's spot.

Alistair was led in then, handcuffed and dressed in an orange jumpsuit. Castiel felt himself grow cold.

Alistair saw Dean first and winked at him as if they had had a sweet night together, then looked at Castiel. His eyes were cold and he was smirking, his look telling Castiel he would have his revenge. He grunted when the guard gave him a light shove, and was made to sit down.

Castiel felt cold at the look, and he closed his eyes and took a deep breath as the judge started the trial.

Alistair kept glancing at Castiel, but mostly kept a serious face.

Mr. McAdams stood and started presenting his opening statement, speaking of the harm done to Castiel that was orchestrated by Alistair; Uriel and Azazel had already been imprisoned for actually raping Castiel, and he brought up those charges as well as other sufferings that Alistair had caused Castiel over the years.

Alistair's lawyer, a shady looking man by the name of Mr. White, stood up after Mr. McAdams to lay down the defense. While he didn't deny that Alistair had done some bad things, he blamed it on Alistair having been through several foster homes and not having a stable mental health. It was pretty clear that Alistair would get some sort of punishment, but with the lawyer's portrayal of a troubled young man who had no one in the world while struggling with mental health, the sentence he received would probably much shorter than it should be.

Mr. McAdams presented his evidence, pictures of Castiel's scars from throughout the years- the stab wounds, the "fag" on his arm, and followed with graphic pictures of Castiel after the rape. "My client has dealt with unstable mental health as well, your honor, and had just as unstable of a family life as Alistair. Yet you don't see him attempting to rape and harm others, now do we?"

"Mr. Novak is suffering from depression and suicidal tendencies. While it makes him unstable, it isn't the same. My client has other mental health issues, which makes him unstable - in a violent way. When he's having these episodes, he cannot differ between right and wrong," Mr. White explained. "Normal people can contain themselves, but when you have problems like my client, it's very hard." He showed papers that claimed that Alistair was diagnosed as a Psychopath, who had a lot of trouble keeping his thoughts and anger to himself. "He's been put on medication and is now more capable of keeping himself in check."

"I'd like to call Alistair to the witness stand." Mr. McAdams said.

Alistair was escorted from his seat up to the witness stand.

Mr. McAdams went over to him after he had sworn his oath. "Tell me what happened on the day of January 13th."

Alistair started telling everyone how he'd been just relaxing at home since he'd been struggling a lot with his mental health, and then he'd gotten a call from his friends on the football team, asking him to go out. He'd told them that he didn't want to go out, he just wanted to rest, but they had insisted that he come over to a place they considered a “club house”. When he got there, Dean was there on the floor, naked. The guys insisted that Dean was in on it. Before he had the time to think, his other friends brought in Castiel. He told them that he didn't do anything and that he had tried to stop his friends. He did admit though that seeing Dean naked was very tempting, and he was just a teen with lots of hormones running through him... He couldn't help himself but to touch and imagine, but he didn't do anything to harm Castiel or Dean that day.

Castiel looked absolutely furious at this, and was shaking in his seat.

"You say this, yet we have confessions from Uriel and Richard “Dick” Roman that you were the orchestrator of the entire scenario." Mr. McAdams said. "Said in court to reduce their own sentences."

"I didn't make them do anything," Alistair told him, acting weak and sad, as if they’d hurt him. "Everything they did... They did it on their own will. Would you really think that a scrawny guy like me could convince two big guys like them to do something like that?"

"Two boys who were in foster homes themselves." Mr. McAdams replied. "Who shared a foster home with you years ago. You protected them from a bully, then they became very loyal to you indeed." He brought forwards the evidence.

"They knew that I... Have a fondness for Dean. Every since I laid eyes upon him... Oh. It hurt when I heard that Castiel was together with him... Me and Castiel have never agreed, and yes... In my unstable episodes, I have hurt him. I couldn't contain the rage, the hurt... Now I know why. I'm sick, and now I'm getting help. But I never made my friends do anything. They did it on their own will. I'm hurt that they're blaming me for THEIR actions."

Castiel was about to cry, furious at the lies spilling from Alistair's mouth. "He's lying!" he couldn't contain himself.

Everyone turned their heads to look at Castiel. Dean was shocked by Castiel’s outburst, and he looked at his fiance before looking at Bobby, unsure of what would happen after Castiel yelled that.

"Mr. Novak, do that one more time and you're gone." The judge told him. "You'll get your turn to speak. Later."

Alistair looked at Castiel, and while he might've looked honestly regretful and hurt to others, his eyes were cold and confident as he looked Castiel. Castiel prayed that the jury could see how Alistair was looking at him now.

The look in Alistair's eyes were gone when everything went back in order, and Alistair continued to portray himself as not a perfect, but very misunderstood and unfairly blamed.

Once the cross examination was finished, Castiel was called to the stand.

After Castiel had sworn to tell the truth, Mr. White stood up to question him. "Mr. Novak. Tell me about January the 13th."

"I was starting to plan out what I was going to do for Dean's birthday. It had been months since Alistair had been seen I thought I would be all right going out on my own. He, Uriel, and another boy confronted me and knocked me out, but before that, Alistair told me that he had others who were going to abduct Dean, and they did. They brought me to this place..." Castiel continued with his account of the rape until he had blacked out, detailing how much control Alistair had over the other boys and the nasty things he had said.

"Mr. Novak. Did Alistair _do_ anything?" Mr. White asked him.

"To me, no. But to Dean, I saw him undress him and touch him on his buttocks, testicles, and penis. He pulled himself out of his pants. I passed out soon after."

Dean was looking down at his feet. He knew he shouldn't, but all he felt was shame. He never wanted Sam and Bobby to hear about what happened.

"But Alistair has harmed you countless other times, correct?" Mr. McAdams replied.

Castiel nodded and started describing the years of torture he had experienced at Alistair's hands.

Mr. White had no other questions, and Alistair kept glancing over at Dean when he was pretty sure no one was looking.

Once Castiel was finished, Dean was called to the stand.

Dean nervously got up to the stand and swore to only tell the truth. When Mr. White asked him what he had been doing on January 13th, he told everyone how he'd gone to school that day, and then he had been cornered by some of the football players in one of the bathrooms. He had been knocked out, and he didn't know how long he'd been out, but when he woke up, they had Castiel tied to a chair, and he himself was laying naked on the floor. Then he told everyone how it was suggested that he was raped first, but then Uriel wanted to get his hands on Castiel and tore his clothes off then raped him in front of Dean. Dean had screamed but was silenced by Richard Roman - also known as Dick - shoving his cock down his throat. Most of it all was a blur after Castiel had fainted, but he did remember that they all talked about waiting for Castiel to wake up before Alistair got his way with Dean.

"And how did Alistair touch and treat you during this?" Mr. McAdams asked.

"He asked… He asked if I thought it was good to watch Castiel being… B-being “fucked properly”, as he put it. He got this wicked grin when it came out that... When me and Castiel have sex, I'm the one who penetrates him..." Dean admitted, feeling as if it might be important. "He said... He said he would break me in." He shuddered. "When he touched me, he caressed my body and fondled my... Private parts and my butt and... After Castiel passed out and they decided to wait, he slapped my ass and told me he hoped that Castiel would wake up soon. I could also feel his... Penis against me, but Richard was still... Using my mouth and I almost couldn't see anything."

"And how about before you met Castiel? How did he treat you?"

"After I became part of the football team, Alistair... Started hanging out with the players. He became part of the team and... He was friendly. Maybe a bit too friendly. He would sometimes be in the locker room with us while we changed and showered... It would always make me a bit uneasy, but I never thought much about it... He was one of the guys, even if he got pretty touchy at times. When I did good in games he would come over and put his hand on my lower back or touch my arms... If we were at parties, he would put his hand on my thigh. He was always spouting things about hating fags so I never thought much about it..."

"Until you started dating Castiel Novak." Mr. McAdams replied.

"Yes sir, that's right."

"How did he start treating you after you started dating your fiance?"

"I didn't see much of him at first, but the first few times I met him he was just creepy. Told me things like Castiel didn't deserve me. Then when he realized I wouldn't leave Cas... He became violent. One time he tackled me to the ground and called me a slut. A pretty slut... Who... Who would let anyone get in my bed. Even my abusive D-Dad..." Dean got choked up. "I had never told anyone about my father... Except Castiel who witnessed it first hand... Which makes me think that Alistair has also been stalking me..."

Mr. McAdams nodded. "I have no further questions."

Mr White had no further questions either.

The jury left to discuss the case, and Castiel shook, in tears. He was so scared that Alistair would walk away from this, that he wouldn't be found guilty of orchestrating the rape. That he would have to spend the rest of his time in Lawrence always looking over his shoulder, afraid for his life.

Dean couldn't do anything but hold Castiel close and try to comfort him, even though he was pretty terrified himself. Terrified for Castiel's safety. 

Castiel clung to Dean, sobbing into his shoulder. "I'm so scared, I'm so fucking scared..." he whimpered.

"Ssh... It'll be okay, it'll be okay," Dean murmured, trying to comfort Castiel. He had no idea if it would be okay though. 

"E-everything we said could be construed as his "illness" Castiel whimpered. "And he lied, he lied the entire time, and I'm so scared they're gonna believe him..."

Dean swallowed and held Castiel tighter. "I know... But hopefully... Hopefully they'll be on our side and this nightmare will be over..."

Castiel nodded and just clung to Dean as they awaited the verdict.

After an agonizing wait, the judge and jury came back out to announce the verdict.

Castiel took his seat again, trembling.

The head juror stood. "We the jury, find the defendant...guilty, on the charges of battery. Guilty, on the charges of conspiring to rape a minor, and innocent of the actual rape. We recommend that as an 18 year old, he be tried and sentenced as an adult, and recommend a sentence of 30 years." He sat down.

Mr. White stood up and began to argue that it was unreasonable to put him in jail for 30 years. How come that Alistair, a young man who had troubles, would be sentenced to 30 years when one Richard Roman only got 3 years for what he did?

The judge brought down the club. "Silence, Mr. White. Alistair Masters has been causing havoc in the community for many years, been involved in what could've been the murder of Castiel Novak, has been found guilty planning out very serious and inhumane things such as the rape and sexual harassment of Castiel Novak and Dean Winchester. The papers that claim Alistair Masters has a mental illness have been falsified. There are no records in his medical history of him receiving any sort of treatment for any mental illness. Alistair Masters has been found guilty of all but one thing, and he will be sentenced to 30 years." The club went down again, announcing the end of the trial and sealing Alistair's fate.

Castiel couldn't help but start crying in relief, covering his face with his hands?

Dean pulled Castiel close and hugged him tight, and made the mistake of looking over at Alistair. Alistair had a grim look on his face as he looked at the couple, but when their eyes met, he just grinned wickedly at Dean. A grin that promised something. Then he was grabbed by the guards and escorted out.

It was enough to make Dean shake for a bit, and he closed his eyes, swallowing.

Castiel just clung to Dean as he cried in relief. "It's over... It's all over..."

"Y-yeah... It's over..." Dean murmured, gently rubbing Castiel's back. He was relieved, but still felt cold.

Castiel looked up as Sam and Bobby joined them. "Let's go out to eat and celebrate." Bobby told them.

Dean nodded. "Yeah, okay... That's a good idea."

Castiel wiped at his face. "Okay, let's go." He murmured, feeling so happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just as a disclaimer: Uke and I DID NOT write this chapter at the same time as we wrote this part. We decided later on when we started to publish Beat the Odds that Alistair's trial needed to be written rather than implied, so this was written a few weeks ago.
> 
> ~Cinder


	53. Packing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel and Dean pack for their move to California.

Castiel was sitting cross legged on the floor of the living room as he went through his things. So far, he wasn't taking much; his computer, a few books, everything that Dean had given him, the Prismacolor set, and two sketchbooks. He hadn't even touched his clothing yet.

After a while, Sam and Dean got home. "We're back," Dean called out as they stepped inside.

"Hello!" Castiel called out in greeting.

"Hey Cas!" Sam replied, dropping his bag off in the living room and beelining to the kitchen. Castiel had two sandwiches ready for them when they had arrived home.

Dean wasn't feeling hungry right there and then, so he figured his sandwich could wait while he checked on Castiel. "What are you up to?" he asked, dropping his own bag in the living room.

"Just sorting through my things," he replied. "What to take, what to storage, what to sell."

Dean hummed and nodded. "What are you planning on keeping so far?"

"Just my computer, a few books, everything you've given me, the Prismacolor set, and two sketchbooks." he replied, looking up at the other. "I'm going to try to sell as many canvases as I can, and what doesn't sell, I'll leave here with Bobby."

"All right. Sounds good. What about your clothes, then?" Dean asked. "... Honestly, I wouldn't mind you walking around naked at the apartment when you don't have any clean clothes left, but Sam might."

Castiel chuckled. "I haven't gone through my clothes yet, I thought it'd be better if we all did that at once, so we can see how much room we have for all three of us."

Dean scratched his chin. "Yeah, that's a good thought... Maybe I should just leave all the planning to you and Sammy. You guys seem to have good heads for this kind of stuff."

"And we'll just use you to lift the heavy things," Castiel teased, leaning up to give Dean a kiss. "At some point, we'll have to pack the Impala to make sure we have enough room for us."

"Yeah yeah, you're the smart ones, I'm the grunt, tell me something I don’t know," Dean said, and kissed back. "We do, but not for a long while. It's months until we move. Let's not rush anything."

Castiel nodded. "Still, it's better to give time for the stuff we have to sell. It's not going to all sell immediately." he replied.

"That's true," Dean mumbled, and pushed his hands into his pockets.

Castiel started cleaning up the piles. "Let's eat a snack, and then get started on homework," he gave the other a smile.

Sam walked into the room. "Let's see the ring, Cas!"

Castiel blushed slightly, but showed Sam the ring. Sam smiled. "It suits you, it really does."

"Thank you."

Dean smiled slightly as he watched his brother and fiancé interacting. It was always nice to see that they got along. "I'll go make some coffee," he said, and kissed Castiel's cheek before heading into the kitchen.

Castiel smiled, and finished cleaning up the living room. Sam went upstairs to do his own homework, and skype Jess. They tended to work on homework together, either over the phone or over skype.  
Dean made two cups of coffee, one for himself and one for Castiel. He thought about the move while he waited for Castiel to join him in the kitchen.

Castiel went into the kitchen when he finished picking up, giving Dean a proper hug before taking his cup.

Dean kissed Castiel on the cheek. "So... What have you done today, besides going through your stuff?"

"Worked on my classes, sketched a little, not much. How about you? How was school?"

"Eh. Almost fell asleep a couple of times. Time passes by so slowly at school.”

Castiel gave him a sympathetic smile. "I wish I could go, just to keep you company." he murmured.

"We wouldn't see each other much anyway... Different classes and all."

"Still. I miss having our lunches together," Castiel replied.

"Yeah... Lunch does get kinda miserable."

Castiel kissed him sweetly. "C’mon, let's work on homework."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the late night post on this, I've been brutally sick and have only just now felt up to editing. I also apologize for how short this chapter is; I meant to double post it with chapter 54 so I wasn't leaving you guys with just 600 or so words for the day, but Uke is asleep and six hours ahead of me, and she hasn't edited the chapter yet so I can't post it, and I wanted to give you guys at least something.  
> ~Cinder


	54. Testing Season

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILERS**
> 
> Castiel is studying frantically, under the pressure of seven upcoming Advanced Placement exams, and is forgetting to eat or take care of himself. This is irritating Dean, and tensions are high between them before everything falls apart in an explosive argument. They seep apart, and the next day, Castiel goes to school with the Winchesters to take his exam. Afterwards, Dean and Castiel talk out the argument and forgive each other before driving to the middle of nowhere and having make up sex in the Impala.
> 
>  **TRIGGER WARNINGS**  
>  Fighting/yelling, high stress levels due to testing, anxiety attacks due to testing, mentions of suicidal/self harm tendencies, the silent treatment, bullying, noticeable weight loss, brief thought of a previous rape,

A few months passed by, and May came around. Which meant, in Castiel's case, testing season. He was taking seven Advanced Placement classes, and was frantically studying, not sleeping much and eating even less. Their move was less than a month away, and to say that Castiel was stressed out was a severe understatement.

It was three in the morning, and Castiel still hadn't gone to bed, instead reading up on leaders in the Cold War.

Dean didn't sleep very well when Castiel wasn't in bed with him, and that night wasn't any different. He did his best to keep out of Castiel's way, to not ask him for help, and try to be supportive. It was hard though, when Castiel left food untouched and didn't do anything but study. They never really did anything together - and if they did, it was because Dean had no choice but to ask for help with something, which he felt extremely guilty about all the time.

He sighed as he got out of bed and went to the bathroom. He hated waking up and not seeing his fiancé in bed. A stupid book wasn't more important than sleep, at least in Dean's opinion. After he'd gone to the bathroom, he went to see if Castiel was still awake or if he'd fallen asleep over his books.

Castiel was still awake, curled up on the couch as he took notes on what he was reading, his seventh cup of coffee of the night in front of him. He looked up when Dean came into the room, his hair ruffled and looking half-asleep. "What time is it?" he asked, yawning.

"It's three in the fucking morning..." Dean grumbled. He couldn't help it. He was getting sick of Castiel's behaviour - not sleeping and not eating wasn't good for anyone, much less someone that studied like Castiel did. "Come to bed."

Castiel looked surprised, at the time and Dean's tone. "All right," he replied. "Let me finish this page..."

"No. Just put a bookmark in, and finish reading it tomorrow. The book won't grow legs and run away while you're sleeping."

Castiel hesitated, before he did as Dean said. Dean was obviously not pleased with something. He set the book down and got up, stretching slightly.

Dean sighed quietly, relieved that Castiel was listening to him. He didn't know what he would've done if he hadn't. "Good..." he mumbled, and started heading back upstairs.

Castiel cleaned up a little before he headed upstairs as well, suddenly feeling much more tired. He stripped down to his boxers and slid into bed, his eyes closing almost as soon as he was settled. Dean was laying on his side of the bed, his back to Castiel. If he hadn't been so tired himself, he'd been cuddling with the other, but he just wanted to sleep.

Castiel frowned slightly, but he was asleep too quickly to worry about it much. He ended up sleeping through the alarm the next morning, completely dead. Dean turned the alarm off and dragged himself out of bed. He looked over at Castiel, and let him sleep. He really needed to do something, make Castiel realize that he wasn't doing anyone any favors doing what he did. What he was supposed to do to help Castiel though, Dean had no clue. After he was dressed and ready to leave, he wrote a note that said 'remember to eat' in capital letters and several exclamation marks, and put it on top of Castiel's pile of books. He also left a note on the nightstand saying that he was at school.

Castiel slept for another six hours before he woke, groaning and stretching. He hadn't slept more than a few hours in a week, and it had caught up with him. He got up, and immediately headed to his books, seeing the note. He bit his lip, taking one of his books to the kitchen as he made himself a quick sandwich, only eating half of it before he was busy studying.

Dean sat through his classes, doing his best to concentrate and write notes and do his work. It was hard though, as he constantly worried about Castiel. He was tempted to call him, but knew that Castiel wanted to focus on studying.

On the way home after school, he dropped Sam off at the library while he went to the grocery store and took care of some other things, then went back to pick Sam up and they headed home.

Castiel was still studying. His first test was the next day, so he was trying to cram as much history as he could.

"We're home," Dean called out like he almost always did, and went to the kitchen to put away the food where it belonged.

"Hello," Castiel called back, taking notes, back on the couch. His half of a sandwich was still on the counter.

Dean paused as he saw the half eaten sandwich. He assumed that it was Castiel's, and he had to take a deep breath. At least Castiel had eaten something, which was what he’d told him to do. He did his best to remain calm, and decided not to mention the sandwich. At least not right then.

Sam went upstairs immediately; he had AP exams to study for as well.

Castiel continued to take notes, humming softly to himself as he worked, unaware at how upset Dean was getting at him.

Dean sighed as he pulled out his own books, and sat down at the kitchen table. Sam and Castiel were busy, so he thought he might as well try to do some work of his own, although it was really hard to do on his own. And in the kitchen, he could keep an eye on Castiel's coffee intake. It had skyrocketed in the past few weeks, going from one mug in the morning to at the least 8 in one day.

Castiel continued to work, only taking breaks to go into the kitchen and get some more coffee. Eventually, he went for his seventh cup.

"... Hey, Cas. I bought a box of apple juice today. It's a new brand. Want to try it out?" Dean asked, before Castiel grabbed the coffee, in an attempt to make him choose something different.

"I'll have some tomorrow, after my exam," he replied, fixing himself his seventh cup.

Dean bit his lip. "... Okay. What did you eat today?"

"A sandwich," he replied, taking a drink.

"... Half of one," Dean mumbled. "Since you have an exam tomorrow, you're going to bed early tonight, yeah?"

Castiel nodded. "I'll be going to school with you and Sam in the morning," he told the other.

"Then you need to be in bed at midnight, the latest," Dean said. "I don't want to wake up alone, and have to tell you to get in bed at three a.m., again."

Castiel nodded. "I am sorry for that...I lost track of time," he murmured.

"Yeah. I've noticed that," Dean muttered and turned to glare down at his notebook.

Castiel was quiet for a few moments. "You're mad at me." he stated, looking down at his coffee.

Dean huffed. "Yeah, I am. You don't sleep, you don't eat, you barely drink anything but coffee, and you spend all your time sitting on that damned couch doing nothing but studying."

"These tests are extremely important," he snapped back. "If I don't pass them, it's longer I have to spend taking credits that technically I've already taken. Also, consider that I don't really have a teacher, I self teach myself everything."

Dean got to his feet, and started yelling. Something in him at just snapped, and he just couldn’t take it anymore. "Cas, you idiot. I don't mind that you're studying. Hell, I've been doing my best to not disturb you, and leave you alone to let you study. But you're ruining your body! If you don't eat or sleep or hydrate, you'll lose weight and become weak and sick, and then all that studying will have gone to waste because you'll collapse and then you can't take the freaking tests!"

Castiel flinched back as Dean started to yell at him, nearly dropping the mug he was holding. He started to shake, hurt, but he just glared back at Dean. "I've survived this far, against my will sometimes, and this is how I've studied for four fucking years," he snapped back. "I'm still alive, aren't I?"

Dean clenched his hands into fists. "You have people that care about you, now. You have people around you, willing to help you. I'd give you anything - you just need to fucking ask."

Castiel set the mug down before he spilled it. "I'm sorry," he said sarcastically. "It's not like it's really fucking hard for me to think about myself, after years of self loathing, years of being on my own. And it's not like I want to bother you, since you have your own shit to deal with!" Castiel was about to cry, tears in the corners of his eyes, but he couldn't stop, he couldn't stop what was coming out of his mouth. He was so stressed, and he just needed to vent, and he was currently taking out his frustrations out on Dean.

Dean gritted his teeth. "But you are bothering me by neglecting yourself! I wake up in the middle of the night, in a cold bed, because you choose a fucking book over your own health! I'm not expecting you to get better just by snapping my fingers, life doesn't work that way - I know that. I'm not asking you to get magically better- I'm just asking you to eat and sleep more! I'd rather be punched in the face, than watch you waste away like this!"

Castiel was shaking, with anger and hurt, and he had to turn away. "I'm going to our room." he bit out. "Let me be." he walked upstairs, slamming the door behind him. He needed space, to calm down and think, and he curled up in a corner, breaking down. This was one of the worst arguments he and Dean had had, and he knew that he was in the wrong, but the stress was just getting to him.

He came downstairs around 10 pm, looking for Dean. His eyes were red-rimmed and tired, but he had gotten rid of most of his anger. He found Dean in the living room. "Dean?" he said quietly, softly.

Dean was laying on the couch and watching tv on a low volume. He visibly tensed up when Castiel made himself known. "... What?" he asked, not even trying to hide that he was still irritated, and would rather be left alone. He'd hoped that Castiel would stay in their bedroom for the rest of the night. He didn't want to be angry with the other, but he just couldn't let it go.

Castiel looked down. "I'm sorry..." he murmured. "You're right. I've...I've been neglecting myself a lot lately, and it..." he swallowed. "It isn't fair to you or Sam. And I'm sorry." he shifted awkwardly. "I'm sorry for getting so mad earlier too...I'm just so stressed, and I took it out on you, and you didn't deserve that." he looked up at Dean then. "I...I'll sleep on the couch tonight. You can have the bed." he murmured, seeing how clearly angry the other still was.

Dean listened to what Castiel had to say, and then he sighed, some of the anger seeping out of him at the apology. Though, it didn't make it okay. "I'm not moving, so you'll have to drag your ass back upstairs," he said, his tone more tired than irritated. Also, he didn't want Castiel to sleep on the couch, despite still being mad. It wouldn't be good for him.

Castiel bit his lip and nodded, arms wrapped around himself. "Okay." he replied softly, before leaving the room, feeling like absolute shit. He curled up into bed by himself, crying softly into the pillow before a restless sleep took him.

He woke when the alarm went off the next morning, feeling like he hadn't slept at all. He made his way downstairs to the kitchen to fix a quick breakfast, knowing that he needed to eat, especially with an exam.

Sam was hesitant when he saw Castiel; he had heard their explosive argument the previous day, and didn't want to make either Dean or Castiel more upset.

Dean was quiet as a mouse as he got off the couch and went upstairs to freshen up and get ready while Sam and Castiel were in the kitchen. Then he reluctantly joined them to get something to eat himself.

Castiel had made cheese eggs, and toast for all of them, and silently handed Dean his plate. Sam bit his lip, looking between the two of them, and remained silent.

Dean nodded slightly at Castiel as a 'thank you', then waited for Castiel's usual prayer. He was still in a bad mood, but he didn't hate Castiel. He did feel guilty that his fiancé had cooked, and that they were clearly making Sam uncomfortable, but still didn't say anything. He didn’t have anything to say.

Castiel prayed, and they all ate. Castiel dipped upstairs when they had finished to grab a small bag with things he needed for the exam, and got into the backseat of the Impala, positive that Dean didn't want him in the front.

Dean was just happy that the other two didn't try to talk to him, as he was pretty sure he'd snap if they tried. He made sure that both of them were sitting properly, before he started the car and drove off to school.

The car was dead silent, Castiel feeling so awkward, and Sam not wanting to initiate anything. When they arrived at school, Sam was out of the car as soon as he could manage it.

Castiel bit his lip. "I'll be done at one, may I have the keys so I can sit in here?" he asked softly.

Dean paused. He turned to look at Castiel, thinking hard about it. "... Front seat, lock the doors. If anyone comes too close, you honk the horn and call one of us," he said, holding the keys out to Castiel after they were out and the Impala was locked. "Better safe than sorry."

Castiel nodded, taking the keys and pocketing them. He looked at Dean, and wanted to give him a kiss, but he was very unsure how it would be taken. "Thank you." he murmured, looking away. "I'll...I'll see you later."

Dean nodded slightly. "You're welcome. See you later, and stay safe." He gently patted Castiel on the chest, before heading off to class, his shoulders slumped and hands shoved into his pockets.

Castiel let out a sigh, and went to the library to take his exam. He came out feeling like he did okay. Definitely not what he would have liked, but he was physically and emotionally exhausted. He couldn't give a shit as he was shoved into a locker on the way out to the parking lot, giving him a bruise on his forehead. He just let himself into the Impala, locked the doors, and fell asleep.

When school was done for the day, Dean made his way back to the Impala. His anger had slowly shifted during the day, and he had gotten angry with himself instead. When he reached his car, he hesitated as he saw that Castiel was asleep. He bit into his lip, and decided to wait for Sam to come or send him a text.

Sam texted him a few minutes later. "Going to Jess', you work it out with Cas."

"Ok. Stay safe." Dean sighed as he sent the message, and pocketed his phone before turning around to gently knock on the car window. Castiel woke with a start, before he realized it was Dean. He unlocked the door, and slid down the bench seat, giving him back the driver's seat. He was quiet, biting his lip nervously as Dean got in. "Hello," he murmured.

"Hey..." Dean said quietly as he sat down and closed the door. "Sam went home with Jess."

Castiel nodded, shifting uncomfortably. "Are you still angry with me?" he asked softly.

"Not really... Just worried," Dean mumbled, staring down at his feet. He was also feeling guilty, the reality of what he’d done the night before having hit him.

Castiel sighed. "...I really am sorry..."

"... I want to say it's fine, but it's not... I just..." Dean turned to look at Castiel. "... Fuck, Cas, what happened to your head...?"

"I...I don't know." Castiel replied. "I've just...I've been so stressed, with the tests and the move, and I honestly meant what I said yesterday. It is extremely hard for me to remember to care about myself." he murmured softly. "But that doesn't excuse my behavior. It's just an explanation. I'm sorry."

Dean frowned as he listened, then looked back down at his feet. He didn't know what to do. Didn't know how to help. He didn’t know how to make things better. He shouldn’t have yelled at Castiel like he had - Castiel didn’t know better. Dean had been so unfair to him. "Okay..." he said quietly, pressing his hands flat on his thighs.

Castiel was quiet for a few moments. "I'll start making more of an effort, but...I'll need your help." he murmured.

Dean just nodded slightly, and didn't look up. He didn't know what to say.

Castiel looked down. "I'm so sorry." he repeated. "I just...I don't know what to say but that." his voice cracked slightly.

Dean started rubbing his thighs, hating the way that Castiel sounded. "I... I'm worried," he said, though it was an understatement. He was actually terrified. "That I'll mess up... That I'll do more damage than good. I shouldn't have gotten bitchy like I did..."

"No, you were justified." Castiel replied softly. "You really were. I was in the wrong, and I know it." he hesitantly reached over to rub Dean's thigh, careful.

Dean tensed up and stilled his own hands, then willed himself to relax. It was, after all, Castiel. "... Still. Could've handled it better..."

Castiel shook his head. "I'm not angry at you," he murmured.

Dean looked at Castiel with an unsure look. He could believe that Castiel wasn't angry, but it didn't mean he wasn't upset.

Castiel slowly, hesitantly leaned in, giving Dean time to pull away, as he brought their lips together. Dean was a bit surprised, but stayed still and let Castiel kiss him. Castiel kept it chaste, pulling away soon after, tense. He wasn't sure how Dean would take it. Dean looked at Castiel with a soft expression, and leaned closer to give Castiel a kiss in return.

Castiel returned the kiss, his eyes closing. "I'm sorry," he whispered against Dean's lips.

"Let's just... Not talk about it. At least until we get home," Dean murmured, the kissed Castiel again. 

Castiel nodded, and kissed Dean again, running his fingers through the short sandy hair. Dean wrapped an arm around Castiel's middle, and pulled him closer. Castiel pressed closer, needing to feel Dean against him, his muscles relaxing under Dean's touch. Dean continued to kiss Castiel, and fumbled slightly with his hand as he reached to lock the doors, just for safety's sake.

Castiel continued to kiss the other, relieved. "I love you...I'm sorry..." he whispered.

Dean pressed a finger to Castiel's lips. "Let it go, for now... No talking about it," he said softly, before kissing him again.

Castiel nodded,and continued to kiss him, moving to straddle Dean's lap. Dean wrapped both of his arms around Castiel, and deepened the kiss slightly. Castiel deepened it further.

A few people were walking by, and one of the boys threw a baseball at the Impala.

Dean was startled as he heard the ball hit the car, and broke the kiss. Fortunately it hadn't hit a window, but it still made him mad. "Fucking asshat..." he growled.

Castiel flinched. "We should get out of a more public setting.." he murmured.

Dean huffed softly, but nodded. "Wanna go home or drive somewhere...?"

"Let's go somewhere. just drive. We need it," he murmured, getting off of Dean's lap.

Dean nodded. "All right..." He waited for Castiel to get settled, before he started the car and drove off.

Castiel leaned against him, resting his head on Dean's shoulder. Dean turned the radio on, and just drove without really thinking of where they were going. Castiel hummed along with the songs he knew, content to be with Dean.

They drove for over an hour, though Dean wasn't entirely sure, before he slowed down and stopped the car. They were parked by a field in what felt like nowhere.  
Castiel smiled, looking out the window. "It looks pleasant here," he murmured.

Dean hummed softly. "Yeah... Places like these are nice. Rarely any people drive by."

Castiel nodded, looking up at Dean as he laced their fingers together. Dean smiled slightly, and turned his head to meet Castiel's eyes. Castiel smiled softly up at Dean, love in his eyes as he looked into the green pair.

Dean leaned in to kiss Castiel on the lips. "We can do whatever we want, now," he murmured.

Castiel nodded, kissing the other back softly. "Backseat?" he murmured against Dean's lips.

"Yeah, sounds like a good idea..." Dean agreed. He kissed Castiel deeply, then gently nipped at his bottom lip before pulling away completely to get out of the car and move to the backseat. Castiel returned the kiss before getting in the backseat, laying down on his back.

Dean looked down at Castiel, looking a bit hesitant. "... You sure you want to be under me? It's a bit cramped, and I'm... Heavy."

Castiel smiled, and reached up to help Dean over him, kissing him deeply. Dean sighed softly, still not sure it was a good idea, but went along with it anyway. He kissed back and closed his eyes.

Castiel deepened the kiss, leaning back down on his back, pulling Dean over him. He loved feeling Dean's weight against him, above him. He felt protected, safe. "I love you," he whispered.

"I love you too," Dean murmured, doing his best to not put too much weight on Castiel. He was too scared of hurting his fiancé to fully relax.

Castiel ran his hands over Dean's back. "You aren't going to hurt me," he murmured. "I love feeling you over me like this. And I'm stronger than I look." he teased.

Dean huffed softly. "I'm bigger and heavier than you, and I'm pretty sure you've lost weight... I just don't want to crush you. You look fragile enough for me to do so..." He sighed, and nuzzled his face into Castiel's neck.

Castiel kissed where he could reach, before arcing his head back, submitting. "It's okay," he whispered.

Dean didn't say anything. He kissed Castiel's neck, and shifted again so that he could support more of his own weight, instead of laying flush against Castiel. Castiel shifted, putting one leg over Dean's waist and pulling their hips flush together. Dean hummed softly, then sucked a mark into the skin above Castiel's pulse point.

Castiel shivered and let out a soft moan. "I love you...and I'm so glad you want to stay with me," he whispered, putting his left hand over Dean's.

Dean pulled away slightly, and kissed Castiel's cheek. "If only people took the time to get to know you... I bet they'd be jealous of me," he mumbled. "You're so awesome and selfless. And smart. And understanding. Hard working. Beautiful. Loving."

Castiel's cheeks flushed, and he cupped Dean's cheek with his other hand. "I will forever be grateful that you took the time and effort to save me," he whispered softly, kissing the other sweetly. "That you showed me what it's like to live, really live. How to love. How to be happy."

Dean looked quietly at Castiel. "... But you decided to go along with it, y'know. You could've just given up and left... I didn't do anything. You're the one who took the chance when you got it. I was just a helping hand... You're the one that did the real work."

Castiel gave Dean a soft smile. "I guess I was just needing that hand more than anything," he whispered, kissing Dean softly and lovingly. "I can't wait to become Castiel Winchester," he whispered when they parted.

"Yeah..." Dean said softly, and kissed Castiel slowly. He didn't have anything more to say, and he didn't think any more words were needed.

Castiel kissed him back, parting his lips and encouraging the other to deepen the kiss. Dean deepened the kiss, and moved one hand to stroke Castiel's side. Castiel shivered slightly, and kissed Dean back, nipping and sucking on his lower lip. Dean moaned quietly, and trailed his hand down Castiel's body to caress his thigh. Castiel rolled his hips into Dean's, kissing him deeply. Dean coaxed Castiel's lips further apart to slip his tongue inside, while grinding his hips down against Castiel's.

Castiel moaned slightly, grinding his hips up against Dean. "Perfect..." he whispered.

Dean snorted softly, and moved to kiss and nip at Castiel's jaw. "You're perfect," he mumbled.

Castiel chuckled. "Compared to you?" he whispered, moving his head to give Dean better access.

"Yeah. And everyone else..." Dean kissed Castiel's ear, and gently squeezed his thigh.

Castiel shivered. "I love you..." he whispered. "With everything I am."

"I love you too..." Dean murmured, and started kissing and sucking at Castiel's neck again.

Castiel shivered again, and started to grind their hips again. "Do you have lube in the car?" he asked softly.

"Easy now, tiger..." Dean murmured. "Tell me what you're thinking. Because if you're thinking what I think you are, then we might have to discuss it a little..."

Castiel pulled back a little. "Isn't it customary for couples still in high school to have sex in a car?" he asked.

"... It's common, but it's not a rule. And I'm thinking about the comfort. As fun as it is, it isn't exactly comfortable or easy."

Castiel nodded. "Would it be easier if I were on top of you?" he asked.

Dean couldn't help but chuckle. "Wow. You really want it," he said, and kissed Castiel. "Well... I don't know. You're taller than everyone I've been with in the past... It'll be tricky no matter how we do it, I think."

Castiel's cheeks darkened. "I'd like to experience it at least once," he replied softly. "And we can do it however you think it will work."

Dean grinned, eyes slightly squinted in amusement at Castiel's blush. "You're adorable. Tell me what you're imagining when you think of us having sex here, in the car..."

Castiel's cheeks darkened, and he ducked his head slightly, biting his lip. "Umm....it goes one of two ways," he admitted softly. "One is of you over me, and the other is of me on top of you..."

Dean pressed a kiss to Castiel's forehead. "I think I'd rather have you on top, today... And then next week, we could come back here, maybe..."

Castiel nodded, and he helped open the door so they could get out and switch positions, his cheeks still red.

When they got out, Dean pulled out a box from under the seat, before he move to lay down in the backseat. Castiel climbed in, straddling Dean as he closed the door behind them, looking curiously at the box.

"Lube and condoms," Dean said simply as he shifted. "It's good to be prepared."

Castiel nodded, leaning down to kiss Dean, nipping softly at his lower lip. Dean put the box down on the floor for the time being, and grabbed Castiel's hips instead as he returned the kiss. Castiel smiled, and rolled his hips as they kissed. Dean sighed contently into the kiss, and a moment later he moved his hands to gently grab Castiel's ass. Castiel shivered and let out a soft moan, loving when Dean grabbed his ass like that. He continued kissing the other, his hands trailing down Dean's chest.

Dean deepened the kiss and gently squeezed Castiel's ass, then moved his hands up to caress Castiel's sides. Castiel let out soft moans, before pulling back to remove his shirt. He had lost weight, and it was visible. His ribs were a little more defined, and his hipbones were sharper than ever against his skin.

Dean hadn't gotten a good look at Castiel for a while, and he couldn't help but stare when the shirt was off. "... Fuck, Cas," he whispered.

Castiel squirmed, immediately self-conscious, he wrapped his arms around himself, trying to cover up.

"Hey, hey-" Dean gently grabbed Castiel's wrists. "I'm sorry. I still find you attractive, Cas... I just... It worries me."

Castiel looked down, and nodded slowly. "I'm sorry," he whispered, although his arms didn't budge. As much as he hated to admit it, his biggest insecurity was his body, and to see Dean look at him like that, shocked, it hurt.

Dean bit into his lip, and let go of Castiel's wrists to slowly rub at his pale upper arms. "It's fine... You're not cold, are you?" he asked softly.

Castiel shook his head, and relaxed softly under Dean's touch, eventually uncurling his arms again. He leaned down to kiss Dean, sliding his own hands underneath Dean's shirt.

Dean sighed in relief and kiss back, and moved his hands over Castiel's torso, doing his best to ignore the feeling of bones and just enjoy the fact that he was with Castiel. Castiel's hips were rocking again, and he moaned softly into the kiss before he pulled back and lifted himself up so he could undo Dean's jeans. There wasn't nearly enough room to completely undress the other, do he just coaxed his jeans down enough that it wouldn't hurt when he would be riding Dean later.

Dean moved his hands to rest on Castiel's thighs, watching the other work on his jeans. "Mh... It's been a while," he murmured, stroking and squeezing Castiel's thighs.

"It has been," Castiel murmured back, struggling to pull his own jeans and boxers down. They hadn't had sex in over a month, Castiel too busy studying. 

Dean tried to help the best he could to pull Castiel's pants and underwear down, then rubbed his hands over Castiel's hips again. Castiel settled back down on Dean's lap, his erection heavy. He rolled slightly against Dean's still-clothed erection, and let out a soft gasp. Dean bit his lip to stifle a groan, and bucked his hips against Castiel, wanting more friction. He wrapped his hand around Castiel's erection, and gave it a few strokes.

Castiel moaned, shuddering. His hands moved to slip Dean's boxers down, enough to expose the other's erection. He wrapped his fingers around it and squeezed before rubbing his thumb over the tip.

"Fuck, Cas..." Dean closed his eyes and continued to stroke Castiel's cock, twisting his hand slightly. He used his other hand to squeeze around the base of the shaft.

Castiel shuddered, letting out a soft cry as Dean worked. He reached down with his other hand to grab the box, opening it and pulling out two condoms; one for Dean as always, and one for him, so the mess they made wouldn't be too bad.

Dean couldn't help but look at Castiel while he stroked his cock, loving the way his body reacted and the noises that he made. "While I wish people could see you like I do, I am happy that only I get to see this..." he murmured, watching Castiel with a look of adoration. It didn't matter that Castiel's bones were more visible - he was still beautiful in Dean's eyes.

Castiel's breath caught as he saw the look on Dean's face, and he blushed slightly. "Only you will ever see me like this," he whispered, shifting up slightly and handing Dean the lube before putting the box back down. "Only you can make me this insane with desire," he breathed into the other's ear, his deep voice husky.

Dean shuddered at the sound of Castiel's voice, and he couldn't help but whimper quietly as his cock twitched. "Fuck, yes... You're mine. Always." He held the lube in one hand as he reached behind Castiel to grab his ass. "Can I start prepping you...?" he asked, just wanting to make sure.

Castiel nodded his consent, his own cock twitching at Dean's whimper. "I want to feel you," he murmured, voice almost a growl in Dean's ear. "I want to feel you filling me up perfectly."

It was hard to breathe when Castiel spoke to him like this, and Dean wasn't sure how he managed to uncap the lube and cover his fingers with it without fumbling. "Y-yes... Fuck," he breathed out shakily, using one hand to spread Castiel's asscheeks. He rubbed his fingers over Castiel's opening, making sure it was slicked up before he started to work a finger into him, taking it easy since it'd been a month since they last had sex.

Castiel let out a soft sigh as he felt Dean press a finger in, feeling content and wanting more at the same time. It had taken him a while to be able to have sex without being triggered, but the thoughts from the time he had been raped weren't even close to crossing his mind. He continued to murmur into Dean's ear, loving how Dean was falling apart from the words coming out of his mouth.

Dean almost couldn't believe how much Castiel's voice was turning him on right then. His cock was leaking precome as his mind was filled with his fiancé's voice, the tight heat around his finger, and how that same tight heat would be squeezing his erection in a little while. He slowly worked his way up to three fingers, gently thrusting them in and out of Castiel, and pausing to spread them, stretching the rim a bit further.

Castiel was panting, limp in Dean's arms. "I'm ready...please, Dean, I need you..." he breathed out, fingers fumbling for the condoms, putting his own on first before rolling Dean's down over his erection, shifting to try and get into a comfortable position where he could take Dean. He ended up hunched over the other, hands bracing himself against the window as he rolled his hips back, pressing down and taking the head in, letting out a moan as he was breached.

Dean moaned at the same time, and grabbed Castiel's hips in a firm but not painful grip. He helped Castiel to slowly lower himself onto his cock, and he let out a soft whine when he was fully inside. "Fuck, Cas... Cas..." He resisted the urge to grind against the other's ass, wanting Castiel to get used to the feeling before either of them moved.

"Dean..." Castiel moaned in reply, keeping still for a few moments to adjust before he started to grind against Dean, unable to lift up without smacking his head against the roof.

Dean tightened his grip on Castiel's hips, and ground up against Castiel, matching his rhythm the best he could. Castiel was trembling, lifting his hips up slightly, his back arcing as he tried to give Dean room to thrust. It took a moment for Dean to catch on. When he did, he shifted slightly to brace himself the best he could, then thrust up into Castiel with a soft grunt.

Castiel let out a moan, trembling. He tried shifting his hips, and spasmed when Dean hit his prostate, his hands losing grip and his torso slamming down on top of Dean. "Shit...I'm sorry..." he panted.

Dean gasped in surprise at the impact, and stopped moving his hips. "No, no... It's okay," he breathed out, loosening his grip on Castiel's hips a bit.

Castiel pulled himself back up, readjusting his grip on the sides of the door and window. "Okay, let's try that again." he murmured.

Dean nodded, shifting a bit to find a good way to support himself, and then started to thrust up into Castiel again.

Castiel was panting, and when Dean found his prostate again, he clenched his hands, keeping himself braced and above the other. "Fuck..." he whispered.

"This angle is good?" Dean asked breathlessly and with a small smile, as he continued to fuck into Castiel.

"Yes..." Castiel moaned, shuddering as Dean continued to plow into his prostate. "Getting close..." he warned the other.

"Then we're both..." Dean groaned, doing his best in trying to thrust a bit faster.

Castiel cried out as he came, the condom he was wearing catching his release. Dean thrust into Castiel a few more times before he also came, keeping his hips pressed flush against Castiel's ass. Then he slowly slumped down on the seat. Castiel shifted down, laying on top of Dean, panting, his hips still flush against Dean. He removed his condom and tied it off. Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel's middle, and pressed soft kisses to his neck and shoulders while trying to catch his breath.

Castiel let out a soft breath. "That was amazing," he murmured softly. "Thank you."

"Mmh... You're welcome, Cas," Dean mumbled into Castiel's neck.

Castiel smiled softly, before he lifted his hips, helping Dean slip out of him, despite wanting to keep him inside of him for a long time. But the condom made that uncomfortable.

Dean sighed softly as his deflating cock slipped out, and reached down to pull the condom off and tie it off. "I think we're gonna have to pull down a window or two when we're driving back," he mumbled.

Castiel nodded. "I can't move right now..." he murmured, settling back down on top of Dean. "Can we just cuddle for a little?" he asked.

"Yeah... It's Friday, so we can take it easy for the time being," Dean murmured, wrapping his arms around Castiel again.

Castiel nodded, relaxing against his fiancé. "I love you," he murmured. "And I'm so sorry for worrying you like I have been..."

"I love you too, Cas... And we'll find a way to get you back on your feet. I promise." Dean held Castiel a little tighter.

Castiel nodded softly. "I'll start restricting my coffee intake, and eating at least three times a day. Okay?" he murmured softly.

"All right... Sounds good. And... Well... I know I'm not the best cook, but..." Dean looked at the ceiling. "Maybe I could cook more often...? It'd leave you with more time to study, and make it easier to... Y'know. Take breaks."

"You're a good cook," Castiel replied softly. "Your burgers and pies are phenomenal. But… I think that'll be for the better, at least until the end of May."

"Yeah. I agree." Dean ran his fingers along Castiel's spine. "I just hope Sam won't throw a fit... We're both spoiled with your cooking. No one can match up to it."

Castiel shivered at the fingers running up his spine. "You flatter me," he murmured. "But you two will also get years of my cooking," he pointed out. "And you'll have the rest of our lives with it."

"I know..." Dean sighed softly, reaching up to play with the hair on the back of Castiel's neck. Castiel sighed softly, happy and content.

They continued to cuddle for another half an hour before Castiel extracted himself from Dean, his legs sore from straddling Dean for so long. He pulled his clothing back on, getting dressed outside of the Impala.

Dean got out of the car and stretched, then slumped slightly with a soft noise. "Damn... That sure released some tension," he murmured as he pulled up his underwear and jeans, zipping them up.

"Indeed." Castiel replied. "I feel so much better." he gave the other a smile, stretching. His ass ached, but he was happy and satisfied.

Dean moved closer to kiss Castiel on the lips, and pull him into a gentle hug. "We both needed it - a lot."

"Indeed," Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean, kissing him back. He stayed in Dean's arms for another few moments before pulling away, lowering the back windows of the Impala before getting into the passenger's seat. The car smelled like sweat and sex.

Dean scrunched his nose at the smell, but couldn't keep the pleased smile off his face as he took his place behind the wheel. He started the car, and leaned over to give Castiel another kiss before they drove off. Castiel smiled, and lowered the passenger's window before he cuddled against Dean, happy and content.

Dean was relaxed and happy, and couldn't think of a single place that he'd rather be. Nothing could beat being with Castiel and feeling safe and warm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As someone who has experienced AP hell, this chapter is dedicated to everyone who had months like Castiel's. I also like how it came out that it's being published at the end of May. Good luck to all those who have exams still in June!
> 
> ~Cinder


	55. In Flew Enza

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILERS**
> 
> The stress of studying and not taking care of himself leads to Castiel getting sick. Dean does his best to take care of his fiance before going to school, worrying about him the entire time. Castiel overheats when Dean arrives home, and Dean does his best to lower Castiel's temperature. Sam makes dinner while Dean cares for Castiel, and they do their best to make him comfortable.
> 
>  **Trigger Warnings**  
>  Illness

A few more days passed, and Castiel hadn't exactly cut back on his studying, but he was eating more and going to sleep at somewhat reasonable hours. He woke up when Dean's alarm went off one morning, and he groaned. His head was pounding, his body flushed with fever and his sinuses completely congested. He breathed out of his mouth, but he had a sore throat as well, and was wheezing slightly.

Dean didn't really noticed Castiel's state at first, his mind too fogged with sleep. He grumbled softly as he turned off the alarm and dragged himself out of bed to stretch and then get dressed. After he got his clothes on, he turned to Castiel for the first time and stilled. He furrowed his brows and went over to his fiancé to get a good look. "... Holy shit, Cas, you look like something the cat spat out."

"I feel like I got ran over." Castiel replied, his voice rough and congested. He shivered, cold now that Dean had gotten out of bed.

Dean frowned deeply, and gently pressed his wrist against Castiel's forehead. "Fuck, Cas. You're burning up..."

Castiel shuddered, pressing into Dean's cooler hand. "I think I've become ill," he groaned.

"No shit Sherlock. You're sicker than a dog." Dean huffed softly, but pressed his hand flat to Castiel's forehead. "Looks like you'll be in bed for a couple of days..."

Castiel let out a soft sigh at the cool hand against his forehead. "Feels good..." he murmured, closing his eyes, lips parted as he breathed through them.

"Yeah... I bet it does. Unfortunately, I have to go to school soon..." Dean chewed on his lip. He didn't want to leave Castiel alone while he was sick, but he had to. Sam and Castiel weren’t the only one with tests and school work to do - and for Sam’s sake, it was even more important for Dean to go.

Castiel nodded softly. "Medicine, please." he requested softly.

"I'll see if we have anything for the fever... I'll probably drop by the drug store on the way home for... Your stuffed nose and... Sore throat? Anything else bothering you but that?"

Castiel shook his head. "My body hurts, and I'm freezing, but that's from the fever." he replied, before he lunged up to cough.

"Shit... That's a bad cough." Dean cringed, then went to grab the trashcan and put it by Castiel's side of the bed. For the tissues and in case of any vomit. He then dug out a hoodie and a pair of sweat pants from the closet, handing them over to Castiel. "Put them on. Should keep you warm. I'm gonna go fetch some other stuff for you, okay?"

"Mkay," Castiel replied, pulling on the hoodie and sweats. He wished he could smell the hoodie, take comfort from Dean's scent, but he was too congested to smell anything. He coughed a little bit more before he flopped back onto the bed, panting slightly.

Dean slipped out of the room, and soon came back with a couple of items. "So... Here's a bottle of water, here's your medication in case you need it, some pills that should help reduce the fever, some nasal spray that should be okay... And of course, tissues. Also, here's your phone and a note with Ellen's number in case Bobby won't pick up and it's an emergency. Text me if you need anything from the store or such..." He knew he was probably talking too much, but he hadn't seen Castiel this sick before. He was really worried.

Castiel nodded, and downed the Advil that Dean gave him. He blew his nose a few times, coughing again, before he settled back into bed, just wanting to go to sleep.

Dean leaned down to kiss Castiel's forehead. "I'll be back later. Love you," he murmured as he pulled back, and slipped out of the room.

"Love you," Castiel replied softly, falling asleep not much later.

He woke a few hours later, his head feeling better, but so congested he could barely breathe. He used the nasal spray, before he sat up in bed, panting softly and trying to breathe. He grabbed his phone and texted Bobby and then Ellen. When neither of them replied, he texted Dean.

"Used nasal spray, can barely breathe. What helps?"

"Steamy shower/bath. A really hot bath can help with the fever, too, in some cases." Dean texted back when he got the chance.

"Thanks," Castiel replied, slowly getting out of bed to start a hot shower, coughing the entire way there. He hadn't been this sick in quite a long time, and he was willing to bet it was because he had gone to the school for the first time in a while.

Dean was really worried about Castiel, and he could barely focus during class. He just wanted to go home and make sure his fiancé was okay.

Castiel was in the shower for an hour, coughing and hacking up plenty of phlegm. When the water turned cold, he turned it off and dried off, shivering badly. He went back to bed after that, curling up in a few layers and blankets. When Dean arrived home, he was still asleep, and his body was overheating.

Dean went straight up to their bedroom to check on Castiel, with the drug store bag in his hand. Seeing that Castiel was asleep, he didn't think much of it. He grabbed the water bottle and went to refill it, then came back.

It wasn't until then that he actually touched Castiel to feel how his fever was doing, and he felt his stomach drop at how warm and sweaty he was. "Cas- Cas, wake up." He threw the covers off his fiancé, then gently shook him by the shoulder. "Castiel!"

Castiel blinked his eyes open, although they were unfocused and disoriented. "Dean..." he rasped, his voice raw from the coughing and hacking he had been doing.

"Oh, thank God..." Dean murmured. "You're really warm, so I'm going to undress you, okay?" He didn't really wait for an answer, before he started to carefully undress Castiel. He tossed the clothes on the floor, then helped Castiel sit up slightly before he brought the water bottle to his lips. "Two slow sips, Cas."

Castiel did as Dean told him, shivering slightly. "Cold..." he whispered.

"I know, I know... But you gotta cool down, hon. You're too warm..." Dean murmured.

"Don't feel like it," he rasped, coughing hard.

"Maybe not, but..." Dean chewed on his lip. "Gotta let you cool down..." He helped Castiel sip some more water.

Castiel nodded, shivering, cold even though his body was heated.

"Gosh, Cas..." Dean hated seeing Castiel like this. He had work to do, and dinner had to be cooked, but he didn't want to leave Castiel's side.

"I'm sorry..." Castiel rasped, shaking slightly. "I just...I need to lie down and sleep..."

"I'll take care of dinner, Dean." Sam said quietly from the doorway. "Just take care of Cas."

Dean looked over to Sam, and didn't really know what to say. "... You sure, Sam?" he asked.

"I can cook," Sam replied, averting his eyes away from a naked Castiel. "Maybe not as well as you or Cas, but it's edible."

"Yeah... Okay. Just... Make sure to wash your hands often, and not get too close to me or Cas. I don't want you to get sick too."

Sam nodded, and disappeared downstairs. Castiel was shivering pretty badly now, and his body was still quite warm. He was wheezing, clearly not having an easy time breathing.

"... Hey, hey, Cas. Try to relax," Dean said as he turned back to Castiel. He put an arm around Castiel and helped him sit up a bit, then fumbled slightly to grab the pillows from his side of the bed, to tuck them behind his fiancé. He hoped that a slightly more sitting position would help ease the breathing.

Castiel's breathing eased up a little bit, and his eyes were closed, lips parted. "M sorry...you're probably gonna get sick," he rasped.

"I'm a tough guy. I rarely get sick. And well, if I do end up sick... It's not that big of a deal," Dean murmured, and brushed some hair off Castiel's forehead.

Castiel leaned into the touch, before shifting to cough, coughing up some thick phlegm. "I haven't been this sick in a long time," he murmured.

"Shit happens... It's not fun, but there's not much you can do about it." Dean carefully sat down on the edge of the bed.

Castiel nodded, shivering and reaching for a blanket to cover up with. He just wanted to go to sleep.

Dean gently grabbed his wrists. "No, Cas. Let me take your temperature first, alright...?"

"Okay," Castiel rasped, letting go of the blanket, despite the fact that he felt like he was freezing.

Dean leaned over to kiss Castiel's forehead, before he stood up and fetched the thermometer from the bathroom. He came back, and sat down again. "I'm sorry, I know you have trouble breathing but this is the only one we have..." he said quietly as he coaxed Castiel into opening his mouth, put the thermometer in place and checked his watch.

Castiel squirmed slightly, but kept his mouth closed, visibly extremely uncomfortable.

Dean felt like a bad guy, but it had to be done. When the time was up, he pulled the thermometer out and checked it. He chewed on his lip, and pressed his hand on Castiel's forehead. "... Okay, I guess a thin blanket would be okay... But I'm pulling it off if you're getting too hot again."

Castiel nodded and pulled a thin blanket over himself, curling up and shivering. "Thank you for helping me," he rasped, closing his eyes.

"It's no problem, Cas," Dean said quietly, and gently touched Castiel's cheek. "Sleep well..."

Castiel leaned into the touch, falling asleep quickly, his breathing rough and hoarse as he slept. Dean watched Castiel for a long while, and made sure that he wasn't overheating again. When it seemed like he was out of danger, Dean sighed in relief and went to wash his hands, before he checked up on Sam downstairs.

Sam was busy making hot dogs and spaghetti. "How's he doing?" Sam asked.

"Not so good... At least I don't think he's overheated anymore." Dean sighed.

Sam nodded. "There's chicken noodle soup in the pantry, we can make that for him when he wakes up."

"Yeah, sounds good." Dean made sure to not stand too close to Sam.

Sam sighed slightly as he worked. "The week before we move, Jess and I were wondering if I could spend it with her." he murmured. "If that's all right with you… We're basically done packing."

Dean nodded. "Yeah, that's fine. As long as you call if anything happens, and blah blah, the usual."

Sam chuckled. "Yes, Dad." he said teasingly.

Dean raised a brow, and smiled slightly in amusement. "Someone has to look out for your sorry ass..."

Sam chuckled. "Well, if anyone makes fun of me for having two Dads, you taught me how to kick their ass." he started to make the sauce.

Dean laughed softly. "I don't look that old. I don't think anyone's going to think I'm your dad if they see me."

"I dunno, how young were you when you started having sex?" Sam teased.

Dean huffed. "Hey now... I know I started early but I didn't start _that_ early... That's just sick."

"I'm just teasing," Sam chuckled, making himself a plate of the finished food before handing Dean his. Sam paused as if he was waiting for something, and frowned slightly. "Oh yeah, Cas isn't here..."

"Yeah... It's so weird..." Dean's shoulders slumped as he poked at his food. "I really hope it'll take a long time before he gets this sick again..."

"Same..." Sam murmured, almost hesitant to eat. "It doesn't feel right, eating without him blessing the food..." 

Dean thought back on when he forgot to wait for Castiel, and swallowed thickly. "... We could pray in his place. Though I don't know much about praying."

Sam nodded. "I think I remember his usual one," he murmured, before he started to recite it. Sam had a little more faith than Dean did, and he sometimes had conversations with Castiel about it.

Dean listened carefully. It was at times like these that he felt like the odd one out, though he tried not to think of it too much. When Sam finished reciting the prayer, it still felt odd, but at least it felt like he was allowed to eat.

Sam began to eat quietly. "I really hope he gets better soon… Today is probably the worst day."

"I hope so too..." Dean murmured between bites. "And I hope you don't get sick afterwards."

"I'll keep away from you both," Sam promised. "And wash my hands regularly."

An hour later, Castiel woke up, and he groaned softly, calling out Dean's name. His head was throbbing, and he couldn't tell the pills apart, not wanting to take the wrong thing.

Dean came into the room a moment later, having been in the bathroom. "Oh... You're awake," he murmured as he went over to Castiel's side.

Castiel nodded. "Fever's back..." he croaked. "Can't read the pills."

Dean frowned slightly. "Hey... Let me take your temperature first. I'm not giving you anything if you're about to overheat again..."

Castiel made a face, but opened his mouth obediently. He wasn't sweating, and his body was warmer than usual, but it was from the fever. The themometer read 102 degrees.

Dean gave the thermometer a sceptical look when they were done, but Castiel didn't look as bad as he did before. "... All right. You're in the clear," he said, and handed Castiel the fever pills and the water.

Castiel happily took the pills before settling down again. His stomach growled slightly; he hadn't eaten the entire day.

"You hungry? Sam found some chicken noodle soup we could heat up for you." Dean watched Castiel closely.

"I'm not, but I should eat." Castiel rasped, coughing again. "Chicken noodle soup will help...can you put some extra salt into it? My mom always did that, it helps with a sore throat..."

Dean nodded, and gently petted Castiel's hair. "All right... I'll head downstairs and make you some. Is there anything else you need, or want?"

"Just you," Castiel murmured, coughing again.

Dean smiled slighty. "All right, hon. I'll be back in a little bit," he murmured, and patted Castiel's shoulder before he headed downstairs.

Castiel shifted so he was sitting a little more upright, coughing some. He shifted so Dean would have a place to rest when he returned.

Dean came back holding a bowl of soup, and a fresh bottle of water. "Here you go..." he handed Castiel the bowl, and put the bottle to the side. "We'll need more pillows."

Castiel took the bowl carefully, settling it in his lap. "Linen closet," he croaked, before eating a spoonful, sighing in relief at the hot, salty liquid going down his throat.

Dean nodded and went to fetch some more pillows for their bed. He was extremely careful as he put them down and then got onto the bed beside Castiel. Castiel shifted so their sides were touching as he ate his soup. He finished half of the bowl before he set it down.

Dean wrapped his arm loosely around Castiel's shoulders. "I hope you'll get better soon..."

"The sentiment is shared," Castiel croaked, cuddling up against his fiancé.

Dean kissed the top of Castiel's head. "Do you want me to call in sick tomorrow...? Stay home with you?"

Castiel was quiet for a few moments. "You really shouldn't miss..." he murmured, feeling slightly guilty. "But...I do want you home with me. If you don't have anything really major going on..."

"One day doesn't matter... And I can't focus anyway. I'd get more work done at home." Dean gently rubbed Castiel's upper arm.

Castiel nodded slightly, his head resting against Dean's shoulder. "I'm sorry." he murmured.

"Don't be sorry, Cas... I'm the one that offered, and I've told you. I'd do anything for you." Dean gently tapped his fiancé nose.

Castiel scrunched his nose slightly. "I love you," he rasped, before coughing slightly. "And the same goes for you."

"Then make sure to rest up and get better," Dean murmured. "I love you too, Cas."

Castiel nodded, closing his eyes and falling asleep leaned against Dean, his head cradled against the other's shoulder. Dean was awake for a long time, but eventually he closed his eyes and let himself drift off into a light sleep. Castiel woke up every couple of hours to have a coughing fit before he fell back asleep. He slept sporadically that night.

Dean was exhausted when the alarm went off that morning, because he'd woken up every time when Castiel was coughing. He quickly turned the alarm off and got out of bed, to speak with Sam and to call in sick. When it was all done, he went back to bed. Castiel immediately cuddled close when he was back in bed, his voice and throat even worse than it had been. Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel, ignoring the fact that the other was sick. Cuddles were good, even if one of them were sick.

Castiel smiled softly, trying his hardest not to cough. He curled into Dean's arms, voice too raw to say anything.

It didn't take long until Dean buried his nose into Castiel's hair and dozed off, having been too tired and comfortable to stay awake.


	56. Homophobic Hospital

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILERS**
> 
> Castiel's voice is shot, and he wants to see a doctor to get some antibiotics. However, the secretary at the hospital is less than friendly, and destroys Castiel's entry because he's gay. Castiel ends up waiting almost four hours to be seen, but once he is, is diagnosed with a lung infection and given the treatment he needs.
> 
>  **TRIGGER WARNINGS**  
>  Blatant homophobia

Castiel dozed off not much later, and woke up after a few hours. He tried to say Dean's name, but all that came out was a rasp. Dean had thrown a leg over both of Castiel's, but otherwise he hadn't moved at all. He was still asleep. Castiel tried to speak again, his head throbbing. He gently shook Dean's shoulder.

Dean groaned as he was woken up. "Mmh... Is it time to get up?" he mumbled.

Castiel pointed at his throat and gave a thumbs down, before pointing at his head and mimed taking pills.

"Fever? Okay..." Dean let go of Castiel and sat up, to fetch the pills and water for Castiel. "So your throat's shot to hell?"

Castiel nodded, and took the pills. He tried to say "Doctor," but all that came out was a rasping sound.

Dean frowned. He got out of bed and grabbed the notebook he'd used when he hadn't been talking. He flipped to a new page and handed it over with a pen.

Castiel had to cough for a little bit before he could write. "Doctor-my congestion is getting worse, may be an infection of some sort. Doubt it, but just to be safe...."

Dean bit into his lip, and grasped the notebook a bit harder than he probably needed. "... Okay. I... I'll make a call."

"Thank you," Castiel wrote. "I'll be fine Dean, some antibiotics will be what I need, and I need to see a doctor for those."

Dean just continued to frown as he read what Castiel wrote. "... I'm going to make myself some coffee before I call. You want anything?"

Castiel shook his head and slowly moved to get out of bed and dressed. Dean moved downstairs to the kitchen to make coffee, and called to see if it was possible for Castiel to see a doctor without having to stand in line for hours.

"We have an opening at 5:45, and that's the soonest we can fit him in," the secretary told Dean, snapping her gum in her mouth. It was a lie, though. There were plenty of openings, but she knew about Castiel Novak, had gone to school with them, and wanted to schedule him with the newest doctor, one that held little tolerance for homosexuality.

"Uh. All right. Well, we'll take that time, then..." Dean said, trying not to mutter. He couldn't stand the sound of this woman, but she was the one that could give them a time. He had no idea who she was.

"All right, you're set." she replied after she typed something up. "Have a good day."

"You too. Thank you." Dean hung up, then sighed heavily before he sipped his coffee. "Cas! Got you an appointment!" he called out. Castiel didn't reply, but he heard Dean. He had gotten back into bed, his head swimming slightly.

Since he'd seen Castiel get dressed, Dean thought his fiancé would come downstairs. Abandoning his coffee, he went upstairs to check on the other. "Hey... You okay there?"

Castiel was laying fully dressed on top of the covers, his hands over his eyes. He shook his head slightly before pointing at it.

Dean chewed on his lip as he went over to the bed, and sat down on the edge. "You should try to sleep... I got you a time at the doctor's, but it's not until 5:45. They didn't have anything earlier than that..."

Castiel nodded, reaching to touch Dean with a small smile to convey his thanks. Dean smiled faintly, and leaned down to give Castiel a kiss. Castiel kept it chaste, although he gave Dean a look of confusion. Kissing him would only increase Dean's chances of getting sick.

"... What?" Dean raised a brow at the look he was given. "You didn't think I wanted to kiss you, just because you're sick?"

Castiel shrugged slightly, reaching for the notebook. "But you'll just get sick?" he wrote.

Dean shrugged slightly. "I rarely get sick, so I doubt it'll affect me much..."

"I'd feel guilty if you do," Castiel wrote before setting the notebook back down, closing his eyes again.

"If I do get sick, it's my own fault. I want to take care of you..." Dean murmured, and ran a hand through Castiel's hair.

Castiel's lips twitched into a small smile. "I love you," he mouthed.

"I love you too, Cas. Now try get some sleep..." Dean smiled.

Castiel shifted slightly, his head pressed against Dean's hand as he fell asleep. Dean watched over Castiel for a while, then he carefully got off the bed and went off to get some schoolwork done.

Castiel slept for a few hours before he woke up, coughing hard. He coughed up some more thick phlegm, and his breathing was rasping against his throat. He continued coughing, and almost felt like he was about to pass out from not being able to breathe.

Dean was downstairs, and even he could hear the coughing. He waited, to see if Castiel would stop, then got to his feet when he didn't. He went upstairs to check. "Cas? Cas," he went over to his fiancé. "Hey, relax... Try to relax."

Castiel's body was spasming as he continued to cough, tears running down his cheeks from the pain and stress.

Dean's heart broke as he saw the tears, and he carefully helped Castiel to sit up straight, holding him to keep him from curling up. "God, Cas, I'm so sorry... I'm here... It'll be okay." He gently rubbed a hand over Castiel's back.

Castiel continued to cough until a large clump of blood-red phlegm came up, at which point Castiel took a deep breath, able to breathe again. 

Dean froze when he saw what Castiel had just coughed up. "... I... Shit. That's really not good," he said quietly.

Castiel shook his head in agreement. He reached for the notebook. "ER. Now. Forget the appointment."

"Yeah, okay... I... Anything you want to bring with you?" Dean asked, as he went to the drawers to quickly get properly dressed, which he hadn't yet.

Castiel shook his head after hr grabbed his phone, coughing slightly again. He went to pull on his sweater before he was ready, coughing again. Dean finished dressing, then grabbed his own phone and the box of tissues for the car ride to the ER. He wrapped one arm around Castiel's middle, and helped him down the stairs and outside to the car. Castiel shook slightly, still coughing. He got into the passenger's seat with Dean's help.

Dean put the box of tissues in Castiel's lap, and didn't waste any time as he settled in the driver's seat, started the car, and drove off. He wanted to call Sam and Bobby, but he was enough stressed as it was and a car crash was the last thing they needed. Castiel was in slightly better shape as they drove, coughing occasionally. He hated the look of stress on Dean's face, and carefully reached over to rub his thigh. Dean jumped slightly, having been so focused on the road he hadn't noticed that Castiel moved. He quickly settled down, though he couldn't relax, not even with Castiel rubbing his thigh. Castiel wished he could say something to comfort the other, but simply squeezed softly, trying to rub the tension out of the muscle.

It didn't work, and Dean was tense during the whole ride to the ER. His lips were pressed into a firm line as he parked the car, and then helped Castiel get out. Castiel gave Dean a worried look as they went into the ER.

"Hello, how can I help you?" the receptionist asked.

Dean took a deep breath. "We really need to see a doctor. My fiancé has been sick since yesterday morning, and today he... Coughed up a big, bloody lump of something..."

She nodded, "Okay, and where is she?" she asked.

"... _He_ is my fiancé," Dean said and gestured to Castiel.

She chuckled. "Very funny, sir. This is an ER, you can be severely fined for messing with us like thi-"

Castiel chose that moment to go into a racking coughing fit.

Dean could feel a headache coming. He put his hands on Castiel's shoulders to steady him, and narrowed his eyes at the receptionist. "This proof enough for you?"

She narrowed her eyes slightly. "We will help your _friend_ when we can. There is a line. It'll be about two hours."

Dean gritted his teeth. "Fine. Sign my _fiancé_ up, and we'll wait. _Please_."

"Your _friend's_ name." she asked.

"Castiel Novak," Dean snapped. He clenched his jaws together, looking clearly agitated. He wanted to fight her, but for Castiel's sake, he held back. He guessed he could always report the bitch. She cocked an eyebrow at him before handing them some paperwork to fill out. Once it was done, she slipped it into the trash behind her desk once the couple had walked away. Dean led Castiel over to a chair in the waiting area and had him sit down. He took the time to call Sam and Bobby, tell them what was going on, and then he waited together with Castiel.

Castiel shifted so he was leaning against Dean, breaking into the occasional coughing fit. Three and a half hours passed, and they still hadn't been helped, even as people who arrived after them were being called in. Castiel's eyes were closed, his breathing short and rough. 

Dean had a pounding headache by that point. They had waited far too long. "I'm gonna go talk with someone..." he mumbled, gently pushing Castiel off him. He made sure that Castiel was settled, before he went back to the front desk, hoping that someone else was there this time.

A different receptionist was sitting there. "How can I help you sir?" she asked.

"Hey... Castiel Novak, my fiancé, has been waiting for three and a half hours to see a doctor... People who arrived after us have gotten in, but we're still waiting. Is there a reason why?"

"Let me see." she murmured, typing and clicking for a moment. "I'm sorry sir, did you check in when you arrived?"

"Well, yes, of course we did," Dean said, looking a bit puzzled.

"You aren't registered as having checked in," She replied, turning her screen to show him that Castiel's last visit to the ER had been back in January, when he had been raped.

Dean felt faint, and his hands had started to shake.. "But... I... We both filed the papers, I _know_ we checked in. I... Fuck. Someone must've misplaced the papers. He really needs to see a doctor…”

She nodded, handing him a fresh set of papers to fill out. "I'll try to get you in in the next half hour, but that's the best I can do, all right?"

"Okay... Thank you. Really. Thank you. You're a lot nicer than the other one..." Dean mumbled, trying to stop his hands from shaking as he filled out the new papers.

"You said he's your fiancé, right?" she nodded towards Castiel, who was wheezing in his chair. "Sarah is extremely homophobic, I wouldn't put it past her to be downright rude. But she would never do anything to intentionally sabotage a patient."

Dean's chest felt tight as he glanced at Castiel, then finished filling out the papers. "I'll take your word for it, ma'am... Again, thank you," he said as he handed the papers back.

She nodded, and filed the paperwork correctly, giving Castiel a slot 45 minutes later.

Castiel glanced up at Dean, eyes clearly sick, tired, and sore. He coughed a little, and raised a questioning eyebrow.

Dean tried to smile, but knew he wasn't very convincing. "Fixed it... You'll be seeing a doctor within the hour. So hold on for a bit longer, okay?" he murmured, running a hand over Castiel's hair.

Castiel nodded, leaning back into Dean, his head cradled against the other's shoulder.

Even if it was only 45 minutes, it felt like forever, but finally they were called. Dean helped Castiel up from the chair, and didn't mind that he had to half carry his fiancé to see the doctor. A nurse took them into a room, and took Castiel's vitals. When she went to check his breathing, she froze as her hand brushed scar tissue, but didn't say anything.

"All right, Castiel. You can lay back and relax, the doctor will be with you shortly."

Dean stayed out of the way. He was nervous about what they might find. He hoped that it wasn't anything too serious. Something that would go away soon, before the move. He was so tense that he almost shook when the doctor arrived.

The doctor asked Castiel to remove his shirt, which he hesitantly did, which of course, spurred questions about his scars, mental health, and if he was being treated. Castiel just nodded yes to the questions, and coughed heavily.

The doctor checked his breathing again, and then took Castiel for an MRI, which Dean wasn't allowed to follow.

When the results came back in, the doctor informed them that it was a lung infection, which Castiel could just take antibiotics for. The blood he had coughed up earlier was the result of his throat, bleeding and raw from the amount of coughing. They recommended cool, easy to swallow foods, before releasing him into Dean's care.

"... I guess I'll get to fatten you up with ice cream now," was the first thing Dean said as they finally got out and headed for the car. He was aiming for it to be funny, but there was no energy behind it.

Castiel nodded slightly, leaning against Dean once they were in the Impala, squeezing his thigh gently to show that he would be okay.

Dean sighed as he started the car. He felt bad that he'd become such a mess. "Let's get your antibiotics and then go home."

Castiel nodded, and cuddled against Dean, his breathing better after the treatment they had given him at the hospital. Dean was thankful that the visit to the ER ended better than it started. He drove to the pharmacy where they picked up Castiel's antibiotics, then drove back to Bobby's.

Castiel ended up having to miss two of his exams, which he was extremely upset about. He retook them at the end of the month, and was slowly getting better. He still had a cough, but he could speak again, and wasn't nearly as sick.


	57. Graduation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILERS**
> 
> It's graduation time, and Castiel has a big surprise waiting, not only for the Winchesters, but for the entire school. During his valedictorian speech, Castiel shows the school just how much the bullying had hurt, and reminds them not to judge others for appearances alone. Most of the students feel shocked and guilty, and Dean couldn't be prouder of his fiance. They celebrate at the Roadhouse before taking their celebration home, excited for the life that's unfolding in front of them.
> 
>  
> 
>  **TRIGGER WARNINGS**  
>  Exposure and discussion of self harm scars, mentions of a past rape, discussion of depression and anxiety.
> 
>  **KINKS**   
>  Orgasm denial

Finally, graduation came around. Castiel had finished his online classes, and would be walking with their class.

Sam chuckled at the sight of them in their graduation robes. "Don't you two look all grown up," he teased.

Dean huffed. "This is stupid," he grumbled. He hated the graduation robe. It looked silly, and he really wasn't sure how he managed to end up graduating. But there he was, and he wasn't sure it had been worth all the work.

Castiel smiled, leaning up to give Dean a kiss, whispering into his ear "Just imagine I'm not wearing anything under mine," he teased. He was so proud of Dean for getting so far and making it through the school year. He put on his honors cords, and helped Dean adjust his athletic ones (which the football coach insisted that Dean wear).

Dean huffed again, cheeks turning pink as he muttered that it didn't help much. He felt stupid in the robes, and felt stupid for being so negative. But one thing he just couldn’t understand why he’d be the one to wear the athletic cords when he hadn’t played football since the start of the school year. "I hope it'll be over quickly..."

"It'll be okay," he offered the other a soft smile. Once they started to walk, they would be separated because of last name, and would be apart the entirety of the ceremony.

Dean took a deep breath, and tried to relax. "I really hope you're right... Okay. Let's do this."

Castiel kissed him again, lacing their left hands together for a moment, reminding the other of their bond before he took a deep breath, getting out of the car and waiting for Dean so they could join the throng of seniors.

Dean clenched his jaws as he got out of the car, and went with Castiel to join their schoolmates.

They received a few looks, but no one approached them until Jo found them, clad in her own robe. 

"Dean, what the hell are you doing here?" she teased, giving him a hug.

Dean snorted. "Keeping an eye out for your sorry ass," he mumbled, and returned the hug.

Jo laughed, and pulled back. "So Cas, congrats on getting v-"

"Shhh," Castiel shushed her. "Dean doesn't even know yet, how do you know?"

"Aide for the office," she cackled.

Dean blinked slowly, then looked at the two of them with a small frown. He didn't like not knowing things.

"You'll see," Jo laughed, winking at Dean.

Castiel nodded. "I'm not allowed to say, but you'll find out soon, I promise." he kissed Dean's cheek.

Dean sighed softly. "All right, whatever you say, Cas," he murmured.

Castiel kissed him once more, and the principal announced that they needed to get in their lines.

Castiel squeezed Dean's hand. "I'll find you as soon as we're allowed," he promised, before leaving to join the other N's.

Dean nodded. "Okay..." He watched Castiel head off, and then went to find his own line, dreading the fact that it would be a long time until he would be called. He was basically at the very end.

The two lines formed, and they walked out onto the football field, finding their chairs and taking a seat. The principal gave a speech, as did a few other people, before the principal announced the student valedictorian.

"And now, for your valedictorian, Castiel James Novak."

Everyone seemed surprised by this. Dean almost couldn't believe what he'd just heard, and he felt weak in the knees when he saw Castiel get up. It was a good thing he was sitting down.

Castiel was nervous, so nervous, but he pushed it down as he made his way up to the podium. He had no speech in front of him; he had memorized it.

"Many of you are surprised that I, of all people, is the one standing in front of you today. Most of you know me as the school outcast, the nerd, the queer. I never had many friends, or anyone that really cared about me, but I'm going to share with you my story. To remind you all, as you begin your quest into college and into a life where the four walls of a classroom no longer protect you, to never, ever judge anyone by their appearance."

Castiel took a deep breath, clearly nervous, but his eyes found Dean's, and he gathered his courage.

"When I started out at Lawrence High, I was worse than anything. Just because hey, maybe I preferred men to women, suddenly made me a social pariah. Many of you have witnessed or taken part in the bullying I endured during my three and a half years here. I was known as Asstiel Nerdvak, the school punching bag, all because I preferred a deep voice and stubble over smooth skin and a large chest.

"Sure, that's not the only reason I was shunned. I have trouble with social skills, and combined with my sexuality, I may as well have signed a death warrant. But I invite you, my peers, to let everyone know the labels I have been given."

A few people shouted out derogatory slurs, and a few less harmful names.

Castiel nodded. "What you're hearing now was a daily occurrence for me. But now, what do you think of the new labels?" He took a deep breath, eyes locked on Dean's as he drew his sleeve up, exposing his arm. Ignoring the shocked gasp from the crowd, Castiel continued to speak.

"Each scar is a name, a punch, an insult, that I have been called. This is just a glimpse as to what I have." he let his sleeve fall back down.

"Now, I have people in my life who gave me a chance. Who looked past the awkward stares and the scars to see me, for who I am. And they gave me new labels, labels that I had never heard myself called before. Intelligent. Passionate. Beautiful. Hard-working. Loving. These are labels we should all strive to have, should strive to get from the people around us, and who we care about. And I leave you on this parting note, since I've given you all a lot to think about. Take care for the words you choose, for the people you make fun of. You should want to be the reason that they smile, the reason they laugh, and never, ever strive to be the reason why they carve lines into their skin. Because, my fellow students, sticks and stones may break bones, but they heal in time. Words leave scars that never fade." 

There was silence for a moment, and then people started applauding, strong and loud. Dean felt his eyes water. Castiel had been so brave and strong.

Castiel smiled, and made his way back down to his seat, collapsing into it, his nerves having been shot for the day.

The applauds died down, and the principal took over again, thanking Castiel for his words before he moved on. Dean wanted to run over to Castiel and hold him, but he stayed put.

Finally, the rows started to move to accept their diplomas. Jo was the first of their friends to get hers, and Sam blew an airhorn when she accepted her diploma.

Ellen and Ash were whistling loudly, and Bobby kept a low profile. They did the same when Castiel got his, when their other friends got theirs, and again when Dean finally accepted his.

Once they were all back in their seats, the principal gave his closing speech, and they all tossed their mortars into the air.

Once they fell, everyone was finding friends and giving hugs. Castiel made his way through the crowd, throwing himself into Dean's arms.

Dean wrapped his arms tightly around Castiel, lifted him off the ground and twirled around.

Castiel laughed and kissed Dean once his feet were back on the ground.

Dean kept holding tight, and he happily kissed back. "You're awesome," he murmured.

Castiel smiled. "I wanted it to be a surprise. Did I do okay?"

"You did great. I'm proud of you." Dean kissed Castiel again.

Castiel happily kissed him back, not wanting to let go. For once, their public displays of affection weren't attracting glares or insults. Many people felt horrible about what they did to Castiel, having never stopped to think that he was human too. Instead, he was receiving pats on the shoulder and apologetic smiles.

Dean kissed Castiel for a long while, and he was reluctant when he finally pulled away. "Let's go find the others."

Castiel nodded, lacing their fingers together as they navigated the crowd. 

Sam found them first, beaming. "That was an awesome speech Cas, I never would have had the courage to do what you did today."

Castiel's cheeks flushed, and he couldn't stop smiling.

Dean smiled proudly, and gently squeezed Castiel's hand. "Yeah. He was awesome."

Sam grinned. "Cmon, Jo already found us. Ellen's making food for all of us at the Roadhouse to celebrate."

"All right-y then, let's go," Dean said with a matching grin, before they went to meet up with the rest and head to the Roadhouse.

Castiel kept close to Dean, not wanting to stop touching him. He was elated and excited, glad that his speech was done and that finally, he had gotten some recognition from his peers. The move would take place the next week, and he couldn't be happier.

Dean loved the closeness, and during the whole ride to the Roadhouse he kept stealing chaste kisses since he wasn't driving. When they got to the roadhouse, they were greeted by their friends.

Castiel smiled after every kiss, and was a lot happier than he normally was out in public. He smiled and attempted to socialize, trying his hardest to be normal.

Dean was chatting away, speaking mostly of how good Castiel's speech had been and how good it was that it was finally over.

Eventually, Jo broke out the liquor, pouring drinks for everyone. Castiel declined, not wanting to experience being drunk again.

Dean understood and didn't try to coax Castiel into drinking, but he happily accepted the offer himself. Despite not have really drank much since he got together with Castiel, he still liked to drink to celebrate things.

Castiel didn't try to coax Dean out of not drinking, and just gently reminded him to drink a glass of water every now and then. He was sitting in Dean's lap as they ate and drank, happy and content.

Dean got pleasantly buzzed, more tipsy than drunk, and kept cuddling and gently squeezing Castiel. He was so happy that it was all over, and he felt relaxed for the first time in - he didn't know how long, but it had been way too long since he'd been this relaxed.

Castiel smiled. "All right Dean, let's get home," he murmured, watching Ash and Jo trying to our drink each other.

"Mmh, okay Cas," Dean replied quietly, and let go of Castiel so they could stand up, even if he didn't really want to move.

Castiel wrapped his arm around Dean's waist as they walked outside. Since Dean hadn't driven today, they were going to walk home. But it was a pleasant evening, and Castiel didn't mind.

"Are you excited about next week?" he asked as they walked side by side.

"Can't wait to get out of this place... Too many bad memories," Dean mumbled, keeping a hand on Castiel's shoulder. "It'll be good to start fresh."

Castiel nodded. "I'm glad I get to stay with you." he murmured. 

Dean pulled Castiel as close as he could, making them stumble slightly when their feet got in the way. He laughed softly. "Yeah... It'll be great."

Castiel chuckled, and paused in their walking to kiss Dean soft and slow, tasting the whiskey on his tongue and finding he didn't exactly dislike it when the taste came from Dean's mouth.

Dean hummed softly, and happily kissed back. "I love kissing you," he said. It was always easier for him to be more open when he'd gotten a drink in him. "You got such nice lips..."

Castiel smiled softly. "I love kissing you too. Even without the alcohol, I can get drunk on your lips." he murmured back, kissing Dean again. Dean chuckled softly at that, and buried his fingers in Castiel's hair as he kissed back.

Castiel pulled away after a few moments, looking into Dean's eyes. "I love you so much," he whispered.

Dean blinked, then smiled lovingly at him. "I love you too, Cas... With everything I've got."

Castiel smiled, and they started walking again. "The happiest day of my life is last Christmas, when you said yes and I realized I got to keep you forever."

Dean hummed softly. "So far... We still have a lot of years ahead of us, and good things to come... Like getting married, maybe adopting a kid..."

Castiel smiled softly, kissing Dean's cheek. "I can't wait to see what the future holds in store for us," he murmured.

"Hopefully, a lot of good things... Man, I'm tired of bad things," Dean mumbled, gently squeezing Castiel's shoulder.

Castiel nodded. "Tell me about it," he murmured softly.

"Mmh... Can't wait to get home, so I can kiss you breathless you," Dean said, changing the subject completely.

Castiel chuckled and blushed slightly. "How badly do you want it?" he teased.

"On a scale of 1 to 10, it'll probably be a 15 when we get through the door." Dean grinned.

Castle smirked. "Then you'll have to catch me." he slid out of Dean's arms and ran, laughing, knowing he could never actually outrun the ex-football player.

Dean let out a sigh that was obviously too loud and fake, then he laughed softly and ran after Castiel, keeping the same pace as his fiancé to let him enjoy being ahead of him.

Castiel laughed and had to slow down after a few blocks, not used to running for long periods.

Dean saw his chance, and he quickened his pace. He slowed down as he caught up with Castiel, grabbed his shoulder to make him stop and then wrapped his arms around him.

Castiel laughed and put his arms over Dean's, loving the feel of being with him.

Dean laughed with him, and grinned as he lifted him up with ease and spun around, then put Castiel back down on his feet.

Castiel smiled up at him, and leaned up to kiss the tip of his nose.

Dean smiled widely, then stole a quick kiss from Castiel.

Castiel smiled into it. "Let's get home," he murmured softly.

"Yeah, let's go home," Dean agreed, and gently took Castiel's hand in his own, then started to walk again. He gradually sobered up as they walked.

Castiel laced their fingers together, and when they eventually got home and let themselves in, Castiel leaned up to kiss Dean, parting his lips to deepen the kiss.

Dean kissed back, gentle at first, then he added a bit more pressure as the kiss deepened. He reached up to run his hands through Castiel's hair.

Castiel let out a soft, content hum into the kiss, pressing their bodies close together. When the kiss broke, he whispered "How do you want me tonight?" knowing that a buzzed Dean would give him a more honest answer than a sober Dean.

"I want to... I... I wanna blow you, then I want to eat you out. Maybe finger you too. Wanna make you go crazy, make you come really hard," Dean said, his breath heavy just from thinking about it.

Castiel's breath hitched, and he hardened immediately. "Well, what are you waiting for?" he breathed into Dean's ear.

Dean shivered. He wrapped his arms tightly around Castiel and lifted him up, then carried him upstairs to their bedroom to drop him on the bed.

Castiel lay back onto the bed, smiling at the other. "Shall we test how long I can handle being stimulated without an orgasm?" he suggested softly.

Dean looked at him with big eyes. "... You... You want me to deny you your orgasm until you're begging for it?"

“You said you wanted me crazy and to come really hard," he pointed out.

Dean licked his lips. "That I did..." he murmured as he straddled Castiel's hips, then leaned down to kiss him deeply.

Castiel returned the kiss, wrapping his arms around the other and slowly, almost lazily ground their hips together.

Dean moaned softly into the kiss, loving the way that their clothed erections rubbed together.

Castiel shivered slightly and nipped and sucked at Dean's lower lip, his hands rubbing over Dean's back, feeling the muscles. Dean buried his hands in Castiel's thick hair, and ground his hips down against his fiancé's.

Castiel let out a moan, grinding back against Dean. "Fuck..." he whispered.

"Not today, hon," Dean chuckled breathily, and lowered his head to nip and suck on Castiel's neck. "Tonight there will only be my mouth and hands..."

Castiel's breath hitched and he nodded, tilting his head to give Dean room.

"Mmh... Can't wait to see you lose it," Dean murmured, then sucked a big mark on Castiel's skin.

"I will try my hardest to keep my composure," Castiel replied

Dean kissed his way up to Castiel's lips, and kissed him deeply. Then he pulled away to help Castiel undress, but he made him keep his pants and underwear on. Castiel laid back. He was still skinnier than usual, but his bones weren't as sharp. 

Dean let out a pleased noise as he ran his hands over Castiel's torso, feeling every curve and angle. He leaned down to kiss Castiel again, then kissed down to his neck, then further down his body. He didn't stop until his head was between Castiel's legs, and he could nuzzle his face into his crotch, mouthing and breathing hotly at the bulge.

Castiel let out a soft whimper as Dean teased him, pressing up slightly into Dean's mouth.

Dean hummed softly as he cupped his hand over Castiel's arousal, and gently rubbed and squeezed at it. "When we get to California," he murmured. "I wanna try something new - something that we both want... We need to celebrate the move, and break the new bed in." He shifted slightly to mark Castiel's hipbones with his mouth.

Castiel moaned softly. "What do you have in mind?" he asked shakily.

Dean moved his mouth back down to Castiel's bulge, to mouth and suck at his erection through his pants. "I have a few ideas in mind... One of them is to let you tie me up, let you use me as you like. Let you experiment, see what it's like to take the lead... Or if you don't like that..." He licked at the bulge, not holding back on the saliva at all. "... We could always try to suck each other off. Try a sixty-nine."

Castiel whined softly as Dean teased him. "B-Both sounds great..." he whimpered. 

"You could do anything you want to me... _Anything_ ," Dean murmured. He found Castiel's zipper, and pulled it down with his teeth - just to put on a show. Then he popped the button, and started removing Castiel's pants. "I wouldn't deny you anything..."

Castiel's breath hitched as Dean used his teeth, and lifted his hips to help Dean. "I wouldn't do anything you wouldn't enjoy... We'd have to talk about it beforehand...."

Dean tossed the pants to the floor, then settled back between Castiel's legs to kiss and suck the skin on his inner thighs. "Okay, whatever you say Cas... But I trust you." He looked up at Castiel when he said that.

Castiel mewled softly, and looked down at Dan. "I trust you too," he whispered softly.

Dean nodded, and turned his gaze to Castiel's crotch again. He gently nuzzled his cheek against the bulge, before removing the underwear, tossing them to the floor and wrapping his hand around Castiel's erection. "Wanna have you against the wall one day, too... Legs wrapped around my waist as I hold you up..."

Castiel cried out, body trembling. "Y-yeah..." he whispered.

"Gosh, Cas... Possibilities." Dean slowly stroked Castiel's hard length. "Tell me, Cas... Tell me about something you've been thinking about. Something that makes your cock hard and wet just thinking about it."

Castiel whimpered softly. "I...I want to try to top, at least once..." he admitted softly. "But not if you aren't comfortable with it..."

Dean shifted slightly, and licked the head of Castiel's cock. "I'd be okay with that, Cas... Would you have me on my back? Or...?" He wrapped his lips around the head and sucked gently, his hand still stroking the length.

Castiel moaned loudly. "Y-yes..." he whispered softly. "And...I want..." he blushed.

Dean pulled off for a moment to speak. "What do you want, Cas? You can tell me..."

He squirmed slightly. "I...I want you to come on my face..." he blushed hard.

Dean groaned. "Yes, yes... I'd love to, Cas... I really would," he murmured, stroking a bit faster. Castiel cried out, his erection twitching hard in Dean's hand. 

Dean wrapped his lips around the head again and sucked on it, then sunk his mouth lower onto Castiel's cock. Castiel cried out softly, moaning at the sensation and face contorted with pleasure.

Dean continued to go lower and lower, not stopping until the tip hit the back of his throat. He squeezed the base of Castiel's length, and started to bob his head up and down. He pulled off every now and then to lick and suck at only the tip and the sides, then swallowed it down again. He was slightly messier than usual, his lips shining with spit.

Castiel squirmed, panting hard. He was close, but with Dean squeezing the base of his erection, he couldn't come. He let out soft noises with every pant, the occasional moan breaking out.

Dean loved the noises that Castiel was making, and he put his all into sucking and moving his head. Though eventually, his jaw started to ache a bit, and he still had things he wanted to do with his mouth. He slowly pulled off, and breathed heavily. "Cas... Gonna eat you out now," he mumbled, and let go off Castiel's straining erection to push his legs up. "Hold your legs for me, Cas, please..."

Castiel obliged, shifting so everything was exposed to the other, softly cursing the hand still preventing him from coming.

Dean kept squeezing the base with his hand, as he shifted his head lower. He nosed at Castiel's ballsack, then licked and sucked at it, before moving even lower. He breathed at Castiel's opening, before giving it a slow lick. Castiel keened softly, his entrance twitching slightly under Dean's tongue.

Dean used his free hand to slowly stroke Castiel's shaft, gently rubbing his thumb over the head every now and then. He licked slowly at Castiel's tight entrance, gradually making it wetter with his own saliva. Castiel was moaning, struggling not to beg for release. His cock was so hard it was almost painful. Dean worked his tongue over the opening, and eventually it was enough relaxed for him to nudge the tip of his tongue inside. He quickened the pace with his hand, and kept squeezing the base with his other hand.

Castor was panting hard, his balls drawn up against his body as he tried to orgasm, but couldn't. He whined, frustrated, as the stimulation became more intense. Dean started twisting slightly on the upward strokes, knowing that the feeling always drove Castiel crazy. He pressed his tongue deeper into Castiel's body, as far as he could, then pulled it out to lap at the rim.

Castiel was squirming, letting out frustrated noises. "Dean....please...." he breathed out, body flushed a deep red.

"Mmh..." Dean lifted his head to look up at Castiel, and licked his lips. "What is it Cas...? Got something you wanna say? I couldn't quite hear you..." He lowered his head again to get back to work on licking Castiel's entrance.

Castiel mewled loudly, trembling, his entrance clenching slightly around Dean's tongue. "It hurts...please..."

Dean moaned softly at the pressure. "Tell me exactly what you want me to do, Cas... Say it out loud and I'll let you."

Castiel squirmed, almost too stubborn and embarrassed to say it. Dean didn't say anything else, and he pressed his face closer, trying his hardest to get his tongue deeper into Castiel.

Castiel cried out, and he couldn't take it anymore. "Please...I need to come..." he whimpered.

Dean moaned at that, and removed the hand that he used to squeeze the base of Castiel's cock, but continued to tongue fuck him while stroking his aching cock.

It only took five seconds after Dean released the hand at the base for Castiel to come, shaking and crying out as he exploded over his stomach, almost blacking out from the intensity of the orgasm. When he finished, he slumped to the bed, breathing hard and eyes still closed.

Dean stroked Castiel through his orgasm, helping to squeeze every single drop out of him, while watching him with big, dark eyes. When Castiel was finished, he pulled away completely, and moved to lay down beside his fiancé. "You're so beautiful..." he whispered, and gently touched Castiel's cheek.

Castiel leaned into the touch, still breathing hard, his legs still splayed open. He opened his eyes to look at the other, and gave him a soft smile. "How do you want me to help you?" he asked once he got his breath back.

"I don't know... It was rewarding enough to see you lose it like you did." Dean kissed Castiel on the lips, and smiled. "Though... I do love your hands..."

Castiel smiled softly, and coaxed Dean further up the bed so he could reach the other's pants, cupping the bulge and squeezing it gently.

Dean groaned softly at the feeling, and bucked into Castiel's hand. "Fuck, Cas..."

"Not today," Castiel teased softly, continuing to squeeze and work the bulge, able to feel the dampness from the other's precome through his jeans.

Dean shuddered and pressed into Castiel's hand. "Well shit... Unngh..." He closed his eyes and moaned.

Castiel shivered. He loved hearing when Dean let go and let himself be loud. He let go in order to remove Dean's jeans and underwear, before coaxing the other to straddle his chest, taking his erection in hand and stroking it, rubbing his thumb over the head.

Dean grabbed the headboard tightly to steady himself, and didn't put any weight on Castiel's chest at all. More precome spilled out over Castiel's thumb, and Dean whined softly.

Castiel continued to stroke the other, his other hand coming up to fondle Dean's balls.

Dean tightened his grip on the headboard, and breathed heavily. "Cas... Gosh..."

Castiel smiled, and reached behind Dean's balls to press his thumb into the other's perineum, picking up the pace with his other hand and twisting it slightly at the head.

Dean gasped and bucked his hips. "Shit, shit- Cas- Not gonna last long if you continue like that-"

Castiel nodded, and shifted, looking at Dean with trusting eyes before he pressed harder and stroked faster, pointing the other's length towards his face and closing his eyes.

Dean's breath hitched as he realized what was going to happen, and it was one of the things that made him reach his climax. His body tensed up and he gasped loudly as he came, and he shuddered as he watched his own come paint his fiancé's face.

Castiel's face twitched slightly as the first strand of semen hit his cheeks, but he slowly relaxed as Dean finished. His own spent cock twitched slightly, and once Dean was finished and he knew that he could open his eyes, he did, looking up at the other with come covering his cheeks, forehead, and lips. His tongue darted out to lick the come off of his lips.

Dean groaned softly as he let go of the headboard with one hand, to use said hand to pet Castiel's hair. "Wish you could see yourself... You look so hot like that," he said, his breath heavy.

Castiel gave his lover a soft smile. "I'm glad you enjoy it," he murmured.

Dean returned the smile. He wiped off some come from Castiel's cheek onto his finger, then he brought his finger to Castiel's lips. Castiel parted his lips and sucked gently on Dean's finger, not breaking eye contact as he licked the finger clean.

Dean licked his own lips as he looked at Castiel. He pulled his finger out of the other's mouth, and scooped up some more come, then offered his finger to Castiel again.

Castiel repeated the actions, huffing an amused breath once Dean withdrew his finger again. "Turns out that all the people who called me a cumslut were right." he murmured.

Dean snorted softly as he wiped off some more from Castiel's face. "Uh-uh. You're _my_ cumslut. There's a difference," he said, and brought his finger to his own mouth to suck it off.

Castiel's breath hitched as he watched. "Only for you," he agreed softly, unable to look away.

Dean hummed as he shifted, moving to stand over Castiel on all fours. He leaned down and pressed their lips together.

Castiel kissed him back, running his hand through the other's hair. "I love you," he whispered softly. "More than my own life."

Dean stilled, and he looked at Castiel. "... Oh, Cas," he said quietly. "I love you too."

Castiel froze, looking unsure. "Was that wrong to say?" he asked quietly.

"I just... Life's a drag. But... I'm sorry. It just makes me uneasy when you say that." Dean moved to lay beside Castiel, and buried his face into Castiel's neck. "I don't ever want you to put yourself at risk for my sake..."

Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean. "I'm sorry." he murmured. "I just...I can't bear watching you get hurt. What's another scratch to an already shattered mind? I...I protect you, because I don't want you to become me."

Dean growled as he put his arms around Castiel's middle and held on tight. "And you think I enjoy watching you get hurt? Because I don't. I hate every second of it. And I've seen what these... 'Scratches' do to you. It does affect you, and I'm afraid that one day I won't see you get out of bed."

Castiel held Dean close. "I know you don't enjoy it," he murmured softly. "But I'll be okay. As okay as I can be."

Dean gritted his teeth and said nothing, but didn't move away. He kept his face hidden in Castiel's neck, and focused on breathing.

Castiel grabbed one of their discarded shirts and cleaned his face completely before cuddling close. "You do protect me," he said softly. "From my inner demons more than anything. And those can be deadlier than a blade."

Dean let out a choked noise. "Maybe... But I couldn't protect you from getting beaten, from getting hurt, from getting called all those names... And _I_ was supposed to get hurt, and still you were the one to... To..." He took a shaky breath. "I'm so sorry..."

Castiel held him close. "It was better that it was me," he whispered. "I'm at least used to taking something up there. If it had been you...the damage would have been ten times worse."

"What the fuck does that matter, Cas? Newsflash- it doesn't!" Dean was shaking, and clinging to Castiel. "Violating someone is bad- the scale on how bad, is how much violence there was, not if someone's a virgin or not. It's a crime, and it hurt you so bad. How can you say it was better that it was you, when you ended up screaming yourself awake at night?"

Castiel held him close. "I know," he murmured. "I know it was bad." he held Dean close.

Dean had his eyes shut tight, and he was silent as he focused on just breathing. "... I love you so damn much, it actually hurts at times," he whispered, calming down.

Castiel kissed his forehead. "I love you too, Dean." he whispered. "So much."

Dean sniffled softly. "Good..." he mumbled, gradually relaxing.

Castiel continued pressing gentle kisses where he could reach. "You're my world, my everything. My better half."

Dean huffed softly at the last part, but didn't say anything. He just let Castiel shower him with gentle affection. Castiel kissed him again, and started to sing softly.

It didn't take long before Dean yawned softly and snuggled up against Castiel, tired from his sudden emotional outburst, the graduation and the sex, and the alcohol that still lingered in his blood.

Castiel held Dean close, falling asleep not long after Dean did.


	58. When You Wish Upon A Star

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILERS**
> 
> Castiel and Dean spend their morning preparing for their upcoming move, packing and making arrangements and making sure Baby is in top shape. Then while they're relaxing, they start planning their wedding a little before deciding to go on a real date.
> 
> **TRIGGER WARNINGS**

Dean woke up in the early morning, and was wide awake, though he didn't want to get up so he stayed in bed and thought about the move.

Castiel woke an hour later, shifting and groaning. His stomach was still caked with dried semen, and Dean's stomach was as well.

Dean smiled slightly as Castiel woke up, and he kissed the other's cheek. "Mornin', Cas."

"Morning," Castiel murmured. "We need a shower..."

"We do," Dean agreed, and kissed Castiel on the lips.

Castiel smiled, and kissed back. "Five days to California..."

"Yeah... Do you think I should give Baby a last once over?" Dean asked.

Castiel nodded. "Make sure everything's running smoothly. We wouldn't want something to happen while we're in Nevada or anything like that."

"Yeah... Mh. I'll tune her up today, get it over with, and it'll leave a few days to try her out." Dean kissed Castiel again. "So I think I'll save the shower till later..."

Castiel kissed him back before nodding. "I will be in the shower then, and I'll make breakfast once I'm out," he smiled at the other before getting out of bed, stretching and letting out a soft gasp.

Dean blinked as he looked over at Castiel. "... Was it that good, or did you pull something?" he asked as he got out of bed himself.

"That was good, it felt nice," he smiled at the other, walking out of the room completely naked. Neither Bobby or Sam were at the house, so he didn't have any reason to cover up.

Dean smiled and nodded. "All right." He wiped his stomach off with some tissues, and then he got his working clothes on. He thought he might as well start getting his tools ready before breakfast. "Hey! Cas! I'll be outside, setting up the work space," he yelled to his fiancé, before heading downstairs.

"All right!" Castiel called back, starting the shower. When he got out, he felt much better, and got dressed in a long-sleeved v-neck and jeans before making his way downstairs to start making egg and bacon omelets. 

Dean put the radio on outside, and organized all his tools before he put the hood up and started to look around.

Castiel came out about twenty minutes later with a plate for Dean, setting it down on a clear space. "Make sure you wash your hands before you eat," he smiled at the other.

Dean had already managed to get grease on his cheek when Castiel came out. He smiled and straightened out, and went over to give Castiel a kiss - though made sure not to touch him. "Of course, thanks Cas."

Castiel smiled into the kiss. "And you better not let me see you all greased up, or I will not be responsible for my actions." he smiled, kissing Dean again before heading back inside.

Dean let out a low whistle. "Later, tiger," he called after Castiel, then went to wash his hands off before eating his breakfast. Then he went back to work, and let time just fly by.

Castiel was busy trying to arrange for deliveries of furniture to happen before they arrived, namely the beds. He and Dean would be sharing a queen sized, while Sam would be on a twin designed specially for his height. And then there were tables, chairs, and bookshelves that would all be arriving within the day or day after they were estimating to be in California by.

The hours flew by, and it was late in the afternoon when Dean finished working on the Impala. His body was aching from working non-stop since breakfast, and he was covered in dirt, sweat and grease. Baby was in top condition though, so he thought it was worth it. After he cleaned up the working space and washed his hands, he made his way inside - longing for a good shower.

Castiel glanced up at Dean when he came in, licking his lips softly. "Shower, and them come down here when you're clean, I'll give you a nice massage."

Dean rolled his shoulders and nodded. "Okay, see you in a bit, Cas..." He went upstairs and took a slightly too hot shower. Half an hour later, he was newly showered and dressed in briefs and a t-shirt. His skin was still a bit pink from the hot water as he went back downstairs.

Castiel smiled, and shifted so Dean could sit between his legs. His computer was open, and playing the soft classical music that Castiel enjoyed.

Dean sat down and made himself comfortable between Castiel's legs. "Time just flies by when you're busy..." he murmured.

"Indeed," Castiel murmured, shifting slightly and starting to rub at the tense muscles in Dean's shoulders.

"So, Mr future spouse... What have you been up to...?" Dean closed his eyes and grimaced.

Castiel lightened his pressure slightly, before he spoke. "Just last minute arrangements, making sure our beds will be there before we arrive, stuff like that. How's Baby?"

"Baby's good. Purring and roaring like the beautiful beast she is." Dean sighed softly. "Did everything look okay?"

"It looks fine to me. You also have an appointment three days after we get there to meet that mechanic, Chuck I think his name is."

"Great, then I have time to help set up furniture and stuff... And I really hope I'll get that job."

"I think you will, Bobby already called him and gave you a glowing recommendation."

"Aww... Shucks. That's really nice of him. Gotta thank him later."

Castiel nodded, rubbing at Dean's neck now. "Anyways, beds will be there before we are, everything else will come the day or two days after we arrive."

"Mmh... Sounds good. Man. I really can't wait. Our own place... And when Sam flies back here to see Jess... Boy. The things we could do." Dean grinned to himself.

Castiel chuckled, squeezing gently. "We'll have to start looking into places to get married in, start to plan our wedding."

Dean blinked. "We haven't even talked about when would be a good time to get married."

"Definitely sometime in the summer, when I don't have class to worry about, and we can afford to take a week to honeymoon." Castiel replied.

"Yeah. I want a summer wedding too..." Dean was quiet for a moment. "... Would you like a traditional wedding, Cas? Church, guests, white and black... Just asking."

Castiel nodded. "Yeah...I really would, although if you're opposed to it, or want to change something, let me know. This is your wedding too. The only thing I ask is that it is in a church."

"All right... Though. Neither of us are women, so how do we solve the 'bride wears white' thing? Do we wear white suits or does no one wear white?"

Castiel chewed his lip in thought. "One of us wears black, the other white." he murmured. "Which one would you prefer to wear?"

Dean shrugged slightly. "I don't really have a preference yet, and we are going to have to look at suits and stuff... Why don't we just see who looks better in white? Or do you have a preference?"

Castiel shrugged. "You're right, we should just see who looks better," he kissed the top of Dean's head before rubbing at his shoulders again. "Is there anything you've ever really wanted at your wedding?"

Dean was silent for a long moment. "... I-" he paused, and swallowed. "I don't know... Guess I just want the family there. Sammy as my best man and... Yeah. That's it, I guess..."

Castiel nodded. "I understand. Although I have no clue as to who my best man is going to be."

"There's a lot of time to figure it out... It's not like we're getting married this summer. ... Right?"

Castiel shook his head. "No no, we have too much to do this summer." he replied.

Dean sighed softly. "Yeah. Yeah... We have a lot of time to plan it out. No rush."

"Indeed," Castiel kissed the back of Dean's neck sweetly. "What shall we do for dinner? It's just the two of us tonight...do you want to go out?"

"Mmh... We haven't gone out to eat, just the two of us, for a while... Maybe we should go out. It'd be nice. At the same time, I wanna stay here and order a pizza..." Dean chewed on his lip. "... Nah. Let's go out."

Castiel chuckled, and kissed Dean again before getting up. "I'll go get ready, think of someplace you'd like to go, okay?"

Dean hummed as he also stood up. "Yeah, I'll think of something... And I should probably get dressed. I can't go out without any pants on.

Castiel chuckled, and went into their room to grab some clothes before he went into the bathroom. When he came out, he was wearing a blue turtleneck that gradated from black to blue, a tree shadow on the front, the jeans that Dean had gotten him, and his leather bracelet. He had put on a little cologne as well, the one he had worn on Valentine's day and hadn't worn since.

Dean himself had just thrown on a pair of jeans and the amulet he got from Sam, and his mouth went dry as he saw Castiel. "Wow... Uh... I'm a bit underdressed, aren't I?" he said as he looked Castiel over. Part of him wanted to drag Castiel to bed and stay there.

Castiel chuckled, blushing slightly at the look on Dean's face. "You're fine, I just felt like looking nice for you," he walked over to kiss Dean sweetly.

Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel and pulled him in close. "Looking like that, you make me really consider just calling for a pizza..." he mumbled.

Castiel chuckled. "Let's go out, Dean." he murmured, kissing the tip of his nose sweetly.

Dean blinked, then whined softly and hugged him tightly. "Fiiiiine."

Castiel chuckled and kissed Dean soft and slow. When the kiss broke, Castiel murmured "I'm yours when we get home," before they parted, Castiel grabbing the Impala's keys to hand to Dean.

Dean was pouting as he got the keys from Castiel. "Okay," he murmured. "I was thinking we could head to that new diner that opened up. Is that okay? Nothing too fancy, nothing too shabby."

"Sounds good to me," Castiel smiled, taking Dean's hand and lacing their fingers together as they walked out. It had really been a long time since they had been on a date, just the two of them.

Dean let go of Castiel's hand when they got to the car, and opened the car door for him. He made sure that Castiel was settled, before he got into the driver's seat and started the car with a grin - obviously pleased with his work. "One day Cas, I'm gonna teach you how to drive this fine lady."

Castiel chuckled, making himself comfortable against Dean's side. "I'm sure I'll have to learn someday," he teased, rubbing Dean's thigh sweetly.

Dean hummed as he started the drive to the diner. "It's true though. I might break a leg. Or get really sick. Though, I don't really get sick so... I wouldn't worry."

"I'm still thoroughly surprised you didn't get sick after I was," Castiel replied. "Even after you insisted on kissing me as normal." 

"Yeah. Makes me wonder if I'll catch something when we get to California, just because..." Dean shrugged slightly.

Castiel shrugged. "I'll take care of you if you do," he murmured, kissing Dean's cheek sweetly.

Dean smiled and glanced at Castiel. "All right. Thank you."

"Anytime," Castiel smiled, rubbing Dean's thigh as he hummed along to the song on the radio.

Dean was leaned back in his seat, and listened to Castiel hum during the rest of the ride to the diner. When they arrived, he parked the car, and then he shifted slightly to kiss Castiel on the lips.

Castiel kissed him back, sweetly. "I love you," he murmured, giving his fiancé a soft smile.

"I love you too," Dean murmured, and kissed him again. He smiled as he pulled away, and got out of the car, then waited for Castiel to get out too before heading into the diner.

Castiel smiled as well, lacing their fingers together as they walked inside.

"Hello," the hostess smiled. "Take a seat wherever, Katie will be with you shortly."

"All right, thank you." Dean smiled at her, then walked with Castiel to the corner of the diner to take a seat.

Castiel slid across from Dean, their hands still linked over the table. "It's been a very long time since we've been on a date," Castiel mused.

"Yeah... It really has. Too long, really." Dean looked at Castiel. "We should try to go out more often..."

Castiel nodded. "We've had a lot going on, to be fair," he pointed out.

"Yeah, that's true... And if we hadn't saved up, we wouldn't be getting such nice beds to the apartment," Dean added.

Castiel nodded, squeezing Dean's hand gently. "I'm excited, I truly am," he murmured. "To start a life away from here, with you by my side."

Dean smiled softly. "Yeah... It's gonna be great. It really is..." his voice trailed off as their waitress came over.

She smiled at them. "Hello, I'm Katie, your waitress," she said as she handed them the menus.

Castiel gave her a polite smile and took his menu, letting go of Dean's hand to start leafing through it. Small talk was never his forte, Dean and Sam being the exceptions to that rule.

Dean hummed as he looked through the menu. "... Do you have a 'special of the day'?" he asked with a small smile, not feeling like going through the trouble of trying to read.

"Yes. Today, it's the fried spicy chicken, with a side of salad or fries," she replied.

"Oh, that sounds good... What would you suggest though... Katie?" He smiled wider and blinked at her, and mentally high fived himself as she smiled and started to list what she thought was good.

Castiel shifted uncomfortably, but stayed quiet. He knew that flirting was second nature to Dean, and tried his best to ignore it.

"I think I'll have the Greek salad, grilled chicken on top," he told her politely. "And water to drink."

She looked a bit embarrassed as Castiel spoke, as if she'd momentarily forgotten that he was there. "Ah, yes, of course... Greek salad, chicken... And what would you like?"

"I'll take the special of the day, with fries, since you confirmed that it was good. I’ll also have water to drink," Dean said.

"Got it. I'll be right back with your drinks," she said before she took the menus back and hurried off.

Castiel shifted slightly, But he gave Dean a smile, trying not to let the flirting get to him. When Katie returned, Castiel had their left lands linked, both rings clearly exposed.

Katie must've seen their rings, because she suddenly looked very uncomfortable. She gave them their drinks with a hurried 'here you go', before she went away.

Dean chuckled awkwardly. "What was that all about...?"

Castiel had a satisfied smirk on his face. "You two were flirting," he replied.

Dean's lips formed into an 'o', then he grinned sheepishly as he leaned over the table. "I just didn't want to have to read the menu..." he admitted quietly.

Castiel squeezed his hand softly. "I would have helped you, you know," he murmured back.

"Eh... Didn't want to bother you." Dean chewed on his lip.

"It will never bother me," Castiel murmured, kissing Dean gently on the lips.

Dean kissed back softly with a quiet hum. "All right... If you say so, Cas."

Castiel gave him another sweet kiss before settling back into the booth, their hands still joined. "Did you ever make up your mind as to how many of your tools you were going to bring?"

"Yeah... Bringing the ones that are the most useful. If there's something else I'll need, I'll just get it in California," Dean replied.

Castiel nodded. "Makes sense." he took a drink of his water, rubbing his thumb over Dean's knuckles. "So, even though we've known each other for a while, I still don't know much about your childhood."

Dean smiled slightly. "Well... We just haven't talked about our childhoods that much... What would you like to know?"

Castiel chuckled. "Honestly, everything. I'd like to know everything about you, what started your love for classic cars, if you ever moved or if you grew up in the same house all your life, why you insist that Metallica is better than Mozart. Everything."

"That would take ages, but I guess I could at least start..." Dean looked down at their hands, then back up at Castiel. "We've always lived here, in Lawrence... But mom and dad were quite adventurous. So we used to go on road trips through the states - in the Impala. Baby's as much of a home as... The house used to be."

Castiel nodded. "I'm jealous. I haven't been out of Kansas." he admitted quietly.

"Well. In a week, you'll have settled down in California." Dean smiled. "And we'll see a lot on the way."

Castiel smiled happily. "I'm more excited than I will admit about that," he chuckled softly. "Keep going, I didn't mean to interrupt."

"Mmh... Dad was a mechanic. Pretty damn good one, too. He always let me watch and fetch the not so heavy tools when he tuned up the Impala, and when I was old enough, I got to help him. Mom was a housewife. Though... She was the one to go off for a few days when hunting season came around. She was such a bad ass woman." Dean sighed softly. "We used to bake and cook together on the weekends..."

Castiel chuckled softly. "I wish I could have met her." he murmured softly. "And I wish you could have met my mother as well. She would have loved you."

"Well... I'm just hoping she would've at least liked me." Dean chewed on his lip. He looked up as their waitress came back with their food.

Castiel kept their hands laced together, giving Katie a polite smile as she gave him his food. "She would have loved you. Is there anything you'd like to know about my past?"

Dean smiled and quietly thanked Katie after she'd put their plates down, then watched her hurry off before he turned his focus back on Castiel. "Well... Tell me about your mom."

Castiel smiled softly. "Her name was Alice Novak. She had very long, dark brown hair and hazel eyes. She was very sweet and kind, and we used to study the Bible together every weekend. She worked three jobs to support me, but she never complained."

"Damn, three jobs? That's impressive... I'm guessing they were jobs that didn't pay very well..." Dean frowned slightly.

Castiel shook his head. "Two waitressing jobs and a bartender," he replied.

Dean grimaced. "Oh. Well, she did a great job raising you, despite that."

Castiel nodded. "I am thankful for her every day," he replied. "The house I used to live in was paid for by my grandparents. When they passed, she inherited the house, and when she passed, it became mine."

Dean blinked. "Really? Damn... Did you ever get to know your grandparents?"

Castiel shook his head. "They passed when I was three. My father left not long after."

Dean nodded slowly. "I see... I don't know my grandparents either. Don't even know if they're alive or not. I just know I'm named after my grandmother, and Sam's named after our grandfather..."

Castiel nodded. "Was your grandmother named Deanna?" he asked. "Since it would be strange to have a female named Dean..."

Dean chuckled. "Yeah, Deanna. Samuel and Deanna. Mom's parents... Mom said that Samuel wasn't happy about dad, but she promised we'd meet them one day - which, well... Didn't happen."

Castiel nodded, and continued to eat his salad. "Maybe you will meet them, one day," he murmured. "Like I hope I'll meet my father one day...all I know is his last name, Shurley. It's what came in on the child support checks."

Dean popped a fry into his mouth. "Yeah... Man. Life's pretty messed up. I used to think everything was sunshine and rainbows..."

A jaded smile crossed Castiel's lips at that. "I do wish sometimes I could have retained the childlike innocence. It seems to make life easier."

"No kidding... That's why kids are fun. They know how to let go... They can be crying one minute, then smile for the rest of the day. They are honest, and point things out - but they mean no harm."

Castiel nodded. "I think you'd make a good father one day, Dean," he told the other in his blunt, honest way.

Dean almost choked on his water, and put the glass down as he coughed into his fist. "You can't be serious," he wheezed.

Castiel tilted his head, confused. "Why shouldn't I be?" he asked.

Dean stared at him, and cleared his throat before he spoke. "... I... I just don't agree with it."

"Why not?" Castiel's brow furrowed slightly as his confusion deepened. "You're tender, loyal, caring, loving. I've experienced firsthand how gentle your hands can be."

Dean poked at his food. "You and Sam aren't kids, though... I'd like to have kids, but I'd probably mess up."

"Taking care of me when I'm having a breakdown is like taking care of a toddler," he pointed out. "And you've basically raised Sam yourself." He gently squeezed Dean's hand. "One day, we'll adopt a child, and you'll be the best father that that child could ever ask for."

Dean pressed his lips tightly together as he looked Castiel straight in the eyes. Then he nodded slightly, and looked down.

Castiel leaned across the table to kiss Dean's cheek before he finished his salad.

Dean quietly finished the rest of his food, lost in his own thoughts.

Once they finished, Castiel paid for their bill and left a tip for Katie before he stood, offering Dean his hand. "Come with me, I want to share something with you," he told him, a soft smile on his lips.

"Uhm... Okay." Dean blinked as he took Castiel's hand in his own and stood up, then followed his fiancé.

Castiel led him out and behind the diner into a clump of trees, guiding the other down a rarely used path until they came to a small clearing in the forest, the stars overhead shining bright. Castiel smiled as he looked up at them, before he sat down cross-legged in the grass, inviting Dean to sit with him.

Dean was in awe as they reached the clearing. "... How the hell did you know this place was here?" he asked, and sat down beside Castiel on the grass.

Castiel chuckled softly, shifting so he was leaning against Dean. "I used to come here, when life got to be too much. I'd come out and look at the stars, and pray."

Dean wrapped an arm around Castiel, and looked up at the sky. "... I see... You gonna miss this place after we leave?"

"Partially. I will miss the beauty we can see here. But I will not miss what drove me here many times." he sighed softly. "Do you want know what I used to pray for, Dean? When I came here?"

"... Well, I am curious," Dean admitted, even though he wasn't sure about what he should expect.

"A friend." he replied softly. "Someone who wouldn't judge me for who I am."

Dean pulled Castiel tightly against himself, not really knowing what to say.

Castiel curled into Dean's arms, resting his head against Dean's neck. "He gave me so much more," he breathed softly.

Dean licked his lips, then gently chewed on them. "... Good."

Castiel relaxed that way for a few minutes before he pulled his head back to kiss Dean, gently and tenderly, sucking gently on his lower lip.

Dean sighed softly into the kiss, and kissed back just as gently. He placed one of his hands on the back of Castiel's head. Castiel parted his lips, deepening the kiss as he tangled his fingers into Dean's hair, feeling the scratch of stubble against his cheeks. He loved it, loved kissing Dean, and he never wanted to let go. Dean closed his eyes, and tried to get as close to Castiel as he possibly could without breaking the kiss. He ran his other hand slowly up and down his fiancé's back.

Castiel broke the kiss when he had to breathe. "If we weren't already engaged, I would ask you to marry me right now," he whispered softly, not having moved very far away from Dean's lips.

Dean chuckled breathily. "Heh... Would've been like in the movies," he murmured, pressing their lips together in a quick kiss. "I love you, Cas..."

"I love you too, Dean" Castiel murmured, kissing Dean once more.

Dean kissed back, and ran his hand through Castiel's hair.

Castiel continued kissing Dean, over and over and over, until he was on his back, Dean over him, the stars and the moon twinkling bright above them. "I love you," he whispered. "You are my everything,"

Dean had both his hands buried in Castiel's hair, and his legs on each side of the other. "I hope I get a long life with you..." he murmured.

Castiel smiled softly. "As do I," he whispered, kissing Dean once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one more chapter left after this, and then part one ends! Wow, has it been a journey :)
> 
> I apologize for the late post, I was very tired after work and needed to recharge a bit.
> 
> ~Cinder


	59. California

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **SPOILERS**
> 
> It's moving day, and Dean, Sam, and Castiel are saying goodbye to their loved ones in Lawrence before getting in the Impala and starting their move to California, with what they can fit in the Impala to their name. The trip goes smoothly, and when they arrive at the apartment, Castiel can barely believe that they've really left Lawrence. Dean does his best to reassure him, and they walk in to begin unpacking and to begin the next chapter of their lives together.

The rest of the week passed by quickly, and soon enough, they were loading up the Impala the morning they were leaving. Sam had Jess in his arms, kissing her softly over and over, while Castiel looked elated, too excited to leave this place behind him.

Bobby clapped Dean on the shoulder. "You boys keep in touch, you hear? And let us know a date for the wedding."

Dean grinned at Bobby, and put the last of his bags in the trunk. "Of course we will, old man. We'll let you know as soon as we've decided." He looked over to Sam and Jess, Bobby's house, the scrap yard. He was happy, but at the same time sad. "Man. We're actually leaving..."

"You're starting your life," Bobby reminded him. "And this dingy place'll be here, if you ever need it."

Castiel came up to Dean, having finished putting the last of his things on the floor of the front seat. Sam would be riding in the back with their clothing, but he didn't mind, said it would give him a pillow during the ride. "I think we're ready," he murmured, looking up at Bobby. "Thank you, for everything you've done for us," 

Bobby just grunted and pat Castiel's shoulder.

Dean chuckled, and pulled Bobby into a tight hug. "We'll miss ya, old man," he said as he let go of Bobby, and turned to the younger couple. "Hey, Sammy! Baby's all loaded and we're ready to go!"

Jess was clinging to Sam while she made him promise to keep her updated on everything.

Sam nodded, and kissed her passionately. "I love you," he murmured. "I always will," before he kissed her once more and let go to say his goodbyes to Bobby before he slid into the backseat.

Castiel walked over to Jess. "Thank you Jess, for everything you've done for us."

Jess pulled Castiel into a hug, not really caring if he would return it or not. "You're welcome... Take care, Cas," she said softly and let go of him. Castiel had awkwardly returned the hug, and he gave her a soft smile before he got into the Impala’s passenger's seat, looking out the window at the salvage yard he had called home for months.

Dean also went over to say good bye to Jess, and they hugged. "Bye, Jess. You'll see us around at some point, and you know Sammy will pester you like there's not tomorrow."

She smiled and nodded as she pulled away, wiping her eyes.

Dean went to the car and got into the driver's seat and started the engine. He changed the radio channel and adjusted the volume, then he turned his focus straight ahead, and started driving.

Castiel settled into his usual position against Dean as they drove. Sam was quiet for the first few hours, but eventually started to sing along to a few songs and gripe about Dean's taste in music. Dean just laughed at his brother and told Sam that it was a good taste in music, not bad. He was leaning back in his seat, and he felt pretty good. Castiel was unbelievably happy, and he almost couldn't stop smiling the entire time they drove, and his smile only grew wider as they left Kansas.

Eventually, Sam pointed out a diner. "Dean, I'm starved."

"All right, let's take a break then," Dean replied, slowing the car down and minutes later, they were parked by the diner.

Castiel got out of the car and stretched. "Feels good to walk around," he murmured.

"I agree with you there," Sam replied, getting out and stretching as well.

"Walk around as much as you can, because we still got a long drive ahead of us after we've eaten and relieved ourselves," Dean pointed out as he got out and locked the car. Sam nodded, beelining straight for the bathroom.

Castiel took Dean's hand as they walked into the diner, sitting down. Castiel started to read off the menu for Dean. Dean smiled, gently stroking the back of Castiel's hand with his thumb as he listened to him.

Castiel finished reading it off, and gave Dean a soft smile in return. "The hamburgers look very good...I think I'll have one of those."

"Yeah, I actually think I'll have one too." Dean grinned slightly. "So... What do you think so far of our trip?"

"I still have trouble wrapping my head around the fact that we're not in Kansas anymore," Castiel replied, oblivious to the fact that he was quoting the Wizard of Oz.

Dean looked at his fiancé, remaining quiet for a moment, and then he leaned in and said. "We're not over the rainbow either."

Castiel tilted his head, confused. "What do rainbows have to do with anything?" he asked.

"... Oh. I thought you were quoting the Wizard of Oz... Nevermind." Dean grinned sheepishly. "But, yeah... I haven't been this far out of Kansas for a couple of years, so I get what you mean."

Castiel was still confused, but decided to just let it go as Sam came back, on his phone. He had been texting Jess almost nonstop since they had left. "Alright guys, smile. Jess wants a picture."

Dean looked at his brother with a look that said 'are you serious?', then made his best blue steel impression. "What about this?"

Sam laughed and took the picture, which was of Dean's blue steel and Castiel blinking. "Perfect, describes you two perfectly." he laughed.

Dean grinned. "I'm a man of many faces... So, sit your ass down and look at the menu, me and Cas have already decided."

Sam sat down and glanced through the menu. "House salad," he decided.

"All right." Dean nodded, and caught the attention of a waiter so they could order.

Castiel smiled happily as they ordered, content to be next to his fiancé, with his little family. Once the waiter left, he slipped his arm around Dean's waist and rest his head on the other's shoulder.

Dean smiled, and pressed a kiss to the top of Castiel's head. "So, Sam. How's the trip so far? You doing okay with your mile-long legs in the backseat?"

"I may or may not have to kick you in the back of the head with them," Sam teased slightly. "It's pretty normal, reminds me of those trips we used to take with Dad."

"You do that and I'll punch you," Dean said and stuck his tongue out. "And yeah, I have to agree with you on that."

"It is weird though, seeing you and Cas in the front seat instead of Dad," Sam mused slightly. "And also knowing that we won't be going back to Lawrence for quite a while."

Dean nodded. "Yeah... It is kinda weird, driving the car while doing a long trip like this. But it'll be worth it. I really can't wait to get to the apartment and try out that bed- it looks fucking amazing."

Castiel chuckled. "Even got memory foam, just like you requested."

Dean grinned. "It's gonna be the best bed _ever_..."

"Well, at least your new bed won't creak when you two go at it," Sam made a face. "The one at Bobby's told us _every time_ when to stay away."

Dean turned slightly red. "Well... Those beds really weren't made for anything but to sleep on..." He cleared his throat.

"Which you two blatantly ignored," Sam replied.

Castiel was red-cheeked as well, and grateful when their food came and was set in front of them.

Dean thanked the waiter, and spoke once he'd walked off. "Well... At least we kept it to the bedroom."

"This is quite true. Although if I find you two going at it anywhere else in the apartment, I will castrate you both."

"As if that would happen... I don't want you to see any of it. Besides, a bed's much more comfortable."

"You obviously have no problem with me _hearing_ all of it," Sam retorted.

"That's why I got you headphones for Christmas," Castiel commented, causing Sam to choke on a mouthful of lettuce.

"Damn Cas, wasn't expecting that to come out of your mouth." Sam coughed.

Dean laughed softly and gave Castiel a kiss on the cheek. "That's my man," he said, very pleased with Castiel's comeback. 

Castiel smiled, pleased at Dean's acceptance and Sam's laughter. He continued to eat his burger, enjoying the bickering between the brothers.

A while later, Dean finished his food, and he leaned back in his seat with a satisfied sigh. "Man, that was great."

"Indeed," Castiel replied, sliding out of the booth to use the restroom before they went back on the road.

Sam stretched. "It's good to see you so happy," he murmured.

Dean smiled slightly at his brother. "Mmh... It's gonna be great being able to sleep well at night, and not worrying about everything," he mumbled.

Sam nodded. "I really hope it'll be easier for you two, in someplace as liberal as California."

"Yeah... Cas will be able to start over. Be treated like he deserves..." Dean sighed softly and looked out the window.

Sam nodded. "Hopefully." he murmured in agreement. He knew that Castiel's lack of social graces was still going to make it hard for the other to make friends.

Dean knew that too, but he hoped that maybe it would get better. Castiel would, after all, be meeting people at college with the same interests. "... Well, I better go to the bathroom myself. Will you be okay until Cas comes back?"

"I'm not two, Dean," Sam rolled his eyes.

Castiel came back a moment later. "Are we ready to go?" he asked.

"Oh, hey. Yeah, almost. Just gotta pay, and I gotta use the bathroom," Dean said, standing up as he gave Sam his wallet and car keys. "Pay up, then wait in the car, and lock the doors." He smiled at the two of them, then went to the bathroom.

Sam rolled his eyes, but paid and walked with Cas back out to the Impala, both of them settling in their seats and chatting while they waited for Dean.

Dean came out after a little while, and he stretched before he got into the car. "So, ladies, what did I miss?" he asked, obviously just teasing.

"Just Sam explaining to me why you're so terrified of planes," Castiel replied, his poker face on as Sam laughed.

Dean froze, and gaped slightly at Castiel before he threw a betrayed look at his brother. "You fucker."

Sam cackled in the backseat, and Castiel's poker face broke to reveal a soft smile as he reached for his fiancé's hand, squeezing it softly. "I knew, Dean. You told me months ago, when you were drunk." 

Dean huffed softly and looked away, feeling embarrassed. "Yeah yeah..." he mumbled, and started the car.

Castiel kissed his cheek and settled in by Dean's side as they got back onto the highway. Castiel fell asleep after a while, his head cradled against Dean's shoulder. Sam had fallen asleep as well, using the bags of clothing and linen as a pillow.

Dean had changed stations on the radio to one that played soft rock, and let the other two sleep while he continued on driving, wanting to cover as much road as possible.

Castiel stirred awake as they slowed down to get gas, sitting up straight and making a face at the crick in his neck. "Where are we?" he mumbled sleepily.

"Hello to you too, sleeping beauty. We're just stopping for gas, snacks, and bathroom break." Dean stopped the car.

Castiel nodded, getting out of the car and stretching with a soft whine.

Sam got out as well, his long hair ruffled. "I'll be in the gas station," he mumbled.

Dean hummed as he got out, and went to start filling the car with gas. "Okay. I'll join you in a bit."

Castiel and Sam went inside and used the restroom before picking out a few snacks and drinks, waiting for Dean to join them and make his selection.

Dean came inside after a while and headed straight for the restroom, then grabbed a few things for himself before they went to pay for everything.

Castiel looked around as they walked back outside to the Impala. "It's very strange," he murmured. "Being someplace where the climate is different."

"Oh, just wait til California," Sam chuckled. "It's way different."

"It really is. But you get used to it, so there's no need to worry." Dean took a sip of his coffee before he got into the car.

"How much longer we gonna go til we find a motel?" Sam asked as he climbed into the backseat.

Dean shrugged slightly. "I don't know. You guys getting tired of sitting in the car?"

"A little," Castiel admitted.

Sam shrugged. "I'm more used to the long drives than Cas is, and it's 7pm. We should probably go another hour or two before we stop?" he suggested.

"All right, sounds good to me." Dean started the car, and got them back out on the road.

Castiel munched on his snacks before he pulled a book out, reading as they drove, using Dean's shoulder as a pillow again.

Dean's snacks remained untouched, as he was too busy focusing on the road and his coffee.

After an hour, he started looking out for signs for motels, and eventually he spotted one. "Hey, guys. You two better get ready, 'cause I just found us a place to sleep."

Sam chuckled. "How tacky is this one? Western? Disco?" he teased.

"Got no clue, Sammy. I just hope it's clean and anything but pink. 'Moe's Motel' doesn't say a lot... Honestly. Moe's Motel. Couldn't they have come up with something... Less boring? Ugh. Let's take a look and see what it's like. If it's too yucky, we're finding another one,” Dean said as he drove to the motel and parked in an empty space.

"Never thought I'd hear the word "yucky" come out of your mouth," Sam teased as they got out of the car and went into the motel with their overnight bags they had packed just for the purpose of staying at a motel.

The receptionist was a blonde with overly manicured fingernails. "How can I help you boys?"

"One room, with two beds, please." Castiel requested politely.

"Sure thing kiddo. One night?" 

"Yes ma'am."

"Don't call me that kid," she replied, handing them the keys as Castiel paid.

"Well wasn't she just lovely," Dean commented as they walked off to find their room.

"Females like her just remind me why I'm gay," Castiel replied with a deadpanned look, opening the door to reveal a tacky room, done in green, brown, and bright red. It was clean though, and the beds neatly made.

"... Well," Dean started as he stepped inside to get a better look. "... At least it's not pink."

Sam chuckled, dumping his overnight bag down on the bed closest to the door. "We've stayed in worse," he pointed out.

"Yeah, true... Hey, remember when dad was taking a nap, and how he woke up with a cockroach on the pillow? His reaction was hysterical." Dean snickered.

Sam laughed. "He forever denied the scream that came out of his mouth." 

Castiel smiled softly and set his bag down on his side of the second bed before he disappeared into the restroom.

"Yeah... I wish we could've caught it on video or something." Dean sat down on his side of the bed he would share with Castiel, and dropped his bag by his feet.

"I know, right? Blackmail." Sam chuckled. When Castiel came out of the restroom, Sam went in to take a quick shower. Castiel took the time to change into a light, long sleeved shirt and pajama pants. While he would normally only be in boxers or nude when he slept, he was too uncomfortable being so uncovered with Sam only feet away.

When Castiel had finished changing, Dean motioned for him to come close. "Hey. How're you feeling?" Dean murmured, wrapping his arms around his fiancé.

Castiel cuddled close, wrapping his arms around Dean in return. "Nervous, excited, elated?" he offered, pressing a kiss to Dean's shoulder.

Dean hummed, tightening his hold around Castiel. "Sounds like you're fine. Though what about the ride? Was it fine or should we make more stops tomorrow?"

"Maybe one extra? I almost felt like I was about to piss myself at the gas station," he replied, kissing Dean sweetly before he wiggled out of the embrace so he could take his meds before he forgot. Him forgetting to take his meds turned into a not fun experience for everyone involved, since he became extremely moody and highly prone to an attack. Once he had finished, he crawled back into the bed and Dean's arms.

Dean laughed softly. "I'm a bad influence on your language..." He'd stripped down to his underwear and t-shirt while Castiel took his meds. "You were fast asleep until we arrived at the gas station. I didn't want to wake you guys up." He put his arms around Castiel when the other crawled back into bed.

"Yes, you are," Castiel replied bluntly, nuzzling against Dean's neck. "But I like it. Plus, you enjoy it when I talk dirty."

Dean chuckled, and slowly ran his hand up and down Castiel's back. "That's true... I love it. I love your voice in general, really. It's nice."

Castiel blushed. "You're not even buzzed, what holiday is it to wring something like that out of your mouth?" he teased, a small smile on his face.

Dean huffed softly, and gently smacked Castiel's thigh. "I've been driving all day, 'm tired," he mumbled, cheeks slightly pink.

Castiel chuckled and kissed Dean's cheek. "I love you," he whispered into the other's ear, nipping the lobe gently.

"Ah- I love you too," Dean said quietly as he closed his eyes.

Castiel smiled and kissed Dean chastely on the lips before pulling the covers over them, tangling their legs together. "Sleep well," he whispered, tucking his head against Dean's chest.

"Yeah... You too, Cas," Dean murmured, keeping his arms around Castiel. It didn't take long for him to fall asleep, tired from the long day of driving.

Castiel fell asleep pretty quickly too. Sam came out of the bathroom and chuckled softly, turning off the lights before he climbed into bed as well.

Castiel's alarm went off at 8 in the morning, and he stirred, groaning slightly.

"Turn it off," Sam groaned, face buried in his pillow.

Dean snuffled and grunted, anything but pleased that he was woken up, though he then forced himself to get out from under the covers and turn off the alarm.

Castiel stretched out, his shirt riding up to expose his hips. "I think we only have today left of driving before we're there," he murmured sleepily.

"Mmh... If we eat breakfast on the road, I bet we'll be there by a somewhat decent time tonight..." Dean mumbled, then stumbled out of bed and to the bathroom to relieve himself.

Castiel yawned heavily before getting out of bed, packing up their chargers and other little things.

Sam grunted and rolled over, getting dressed before pointedly turning his back so Castiel could dress as well.

Dean went back into the room when he was done, and stretched before he started getting dressed too.

When they were all packed up, Castiel went to the front desk to check them out before joining the brothers at the Impala. "There's a McDonalds right around the corner, we can get breakfast there and be off." he told them.

Dean yawned loudly and nodded. "All right... Sounds good to me. What do you say, Sammy?"

"Sounds good," Sam nodded, yawning as well.

"Okay. Let's get in the car- I really hope they have a drive-through..."

"Course they do, it's a McDonalds," Sam replied, sliding into the backseat as Cas got into the front.

"Hey- It could be like, part of the one percent that doesn't..." Dean got into the driver's seat, and didn't waste much time to get the car on the road and to the McDonald's that Castiel mentioned.

Castiel didn't order much, a few hashbrowns, but Sam ordered two whole meals just for himself.

Dean ordered one meal for himself. It felt like they waited forever, but that just made him more happy when he finally paid and they received their food, and were then able to get back on the road.

Castiel ate his hash browns happily before he curled up against Dean, falling asleep. He was excited to see their new home later that evening, but he was tired and sore from the motel bed, and was much more comfortable in the Impala.

Dean focused mostly on his coffee and ate about half his breakfast, then decided to save the rest. It was also a bit hard to eat and drive while Castiel slept against him, but he didn't have the heart to wake his fiancé up. "So, Sammy. You gonna have another growth spurt or something?" he asked quietly.

"I dunno, possibly?" Sam replied just as softly. "I'm just really, really hungry."

"Mmh. It's all good. You're gonna end up a lot taller than me if you keep it up, though," Dean chuckled.

Sam chuckled. "I'm already 6'1," he pointed out.

"Well damn. That's really impressive." Dean grinned slightly.

Sam chuckled, and settled down in the backseat, texting Jess.

Castiel woke up when they stopped for gas, sitting up and stretching.

"Oh, Cas. Good thing you're awake, we're at a gas station now," Dean said as he turned the engine off, then climbed out of the car.

Castiel climbed out as well, his black hair messier than usual. 

Sam got out as well. "Only about four more hours," he told them. "Since we made greet time yesterday."

Dean looked slightly impressed. "Really? Damn. I thought it'd be longer."

"We drove thirteen hours yesterday, and four so far, so we only have four to go," Sam pointed out.

"Well... True." Dean hummed as he started filling the tank. "Can't wait to get there."

"I can't either," Castiel smiled, heading into the station to use the restroom. 

"I'm really curious to see what the area'll be like," Sam murmured. "If there's a library nearby..."

"Yeah... We should probably take a day to just walk around and explore," Dean said, then yawned.

"Want me to take over for a few hours?" Sam suggested. He had gotten his license the month prior. 

Dean rubbed his eyes. "You sure? It's not easy keeping track of all the signs, and you can't text Jess..."

"You need to sleep, Dean." Sam told him. "You'll kill all of us if you fall asleep on the road, and Cas is good about watching the signs, he can help me."

Dean made a face. "Yeah, you got a point there... All right. You can drive for a few hours."

"And don't worry, I won't try to cop a feel, being in the front seat with your fiancé," Sam teased as he went inside to use the restroom and grab some coffee.

Dean threw his brother a dirty look, even if he knew Sam was just teasing. He finished filling the tank, then he also headed into the gas station to pay for the gas and use the restroom.

Castiel paid for snacks and drinks this time, and Sam held his hands out to Dean for the keys. "I'm driving for a few hours so Dean can sleep a bit," he told Castiel.

Castiel nodded. "You need a break," he told Dean, kissing his temple before sliding in the passenger's seat.

Dean handed the keys over to Sam, and grumbled quietly to himself as he got into the backseat.

Sam grinned and reached over, slinging his arm around Castiel's shoulders. The older teen flinched, unsure as to why this was happening.

"S’okay Cas, I just wanted to see Dean's face," Sam laughed before withdrawing his arm and starting the car.

Dean snuffled unhappily and grumbled again, then settled into a comfortable enough position and drifted off into a light sleep as soon as the car started moving.

Castiel and Sam chatted quietly as they drove, and Sam pulled over at a rest stop right after they hit California. "Dean will never give us the end of it if he isn't the one to drive us to the apartment," Sam explained, reaching over to shake Dean's shoulder gently.

Dean grumbled sleepily and swatted weakly at Sam's arm when he woke up. "Dammit... What is it...?"

"We're in Cali, jerk. You get to take over for the home stretch."

Dean seemed to perk up at that. "Really? Awesome." He smiled as he got out of the backseat, and stretched.

Castiel smiled, getting out to stretch his own legs before they got back on the road, looking up at the clear sky.

Dean went over to Castiel, and wrapped his arm around Castiel's waist. "Almost there, man. How's it feel?" 

"A rush of everything" Castiel replied, leaning into Dean's side, a soft smile on his face. He leaned up to give Dean a kiss.

Dean smiled widely, and leaned in to meet Castiel half way, kissing him sweetly. Castiel relaxed under Dean's lips, feeling more and more at ease.

"Gross guys, I'm right here!" Sam made a gagging noise.

Dean broke the kiss, and looked at his brother with a grin. "Gotta get used to it at some point, Sammy."

"Can't believe I'm going to be living with that all the time," he grumbled, although it was clearly lighthearted as he got into the backseat, tossing Dean the keys.

Dean made a sound of victory as he caught the keys with only one hand. He kissed Castiel again, before pulling away to get in the car. Castiel smiled into the kiss, and kissed Dean again for good measure once they were in the car.

Dean was grinning happily as he leaned back in his seat and started the car, then got them back on the road and towards their new home.

Castiel started fidgeting anxiously as they arrived in Valencia, the key to their new home in his hands as he turned it over and over through his fingers. Sam had the GPS in his phone on, directing Dean through the streets.

Dean hummed and nodded in reply to the directions, and when they finally arrived at their destination, he slowed the car down and eventually they were parked.

Castiel's hands were shaking, and he was breathing faster than normal, his anxiety acting up as he looked at the apartment complex that was their new home.

Dean reached over to gently squeeze Castiel's shoulder. "Hey, Cas. You okay?" he asked quietly.

Castiel shook his head, and Sam got out of the car and walked away a little to give the couple some privacy. "I just...holy shit. Holy shit, this is real, we're actually doing this."

"Yeah. We are, Cas. And this is _good_. We're gonna be okay." Dean wrapped his arm around Castiel, and pulled him close.

Castiel buried his face into Dean's neck, trying to calm his breathing down. "I know it's good, I'm so excited, I have no idea why I'm panicking," he admitted with a laugh.

"Well, it's a completely new start... And, it is a bit scary." Dean hummed softly, slowly rubbing Castiel's arm.

Castiel relaxed and calmed under Dean's attention, taking a deep breath. "You'll be there every step, right?" he asked, his voice soft.

"Of course I will, Cas... There's no place I'd rather be than here, with you and Sam." Dean kissed the top of Castiel's head.

Castiel nodded, taking a deep breath and getting out of the car, offering Dean his hand.

Sam got up from the seat he had taken to follow behind the couple.

Dean took Castiel's hand in his, and laced their fingers together. "Let's go see our home," he said softly, and then they made their way into the building and to their apartment.

Castiel took a deep breath, unlocking the door and opening it.

The rooms were bare, with the exception of the beds, laying in each of the two bedrooms. Castiel couldn't help but smile as he looked around. "Home," he murmured softly.

Dean smiled warmly as he looked at Castiel, and then he looked back to smile at Sam. "Yeah... This is our home."

Castiel turned and threw himself into Dean's arms, kissing him.

Sam chuckled. "I'm gonna start unloading the Impala, give you two a moment alone..."

Dean kissed back, and fumbled a bit to get the keys out of his pocket. "Yeah, we'll be with you in a moment..." He awkwardly tossed the keys to Sam, then wrapped his arms around Castiel.

Sam took the keys and went back downstairs while Castiel kissed Dean, the excitement and happiness clear in his gestures.

Dean kissed back, and held Castiel tightly in his arms. He loved how happy Castiel was. Absolutely loved it. Castiel broke the kiss after a few minutes, panting slightly, his blue eyes shining.

Dean smiled lovingly, his breath slightly heavy. "We should bring our things from the car... Then you can kiss me all you want."

Castiel nodded. "Before we do...I...I'd like to top tonight." he murmured, cheeks red. "To, you know, break in the bed..."

Dean blinked, his own cheeks turning red. "Well, yeah... Sure."

"Only if you want to," he pointed out, fingers gently tracing Dean's jaw. "I don't want to force you if you aren't ready..."

"No, Cas... I... I want to. Just a bit nervous," Dean mumbled. "But I trust you."

"I'll take care of you," Castiel promised softly, kissing Dean again.

"Yeah..." Dean nodded slightly and kissed back. "Now c'mon, Sam's waiting," he said, and gently tugged Castiel along to go help Sam unload the car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thus ends part 1! It's been a long and amazing journey so far, but the adventures of these two aren't over yet!  
> Uke and I are going to take the next week off so we can finish preparing Part 2, but will resume posting as regular next Wednesday. 
> 
> We both want to thank you from the bottom of our hearts for all the kudos, comments, subscriptions, and bookmarks. This story is really our baby, it's what brought us together from the US to Sweden, and we're so happy to share it and the other wonderful stories we've created with you. It truly means the world to us to see those amazing comments and other messages.
> 
> So thank you again, and we'll see you next week for the next chapter of their lives! 
> 
> ~Cinder and Uke


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